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Because It's Been a While Since Any of My Lazy Colleagues Have Blogged And an Even Longer Time Since We Had Any Cheesecake Up at Hit & Run, Here's Something About Miss Kalifornia's Gay Marriage Stance…

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Sorry girls, she's taken. By a man.

Those of us who take Fox's Sunday night slate of Animation Domination shows seriously simply missed the Miss USA beauty pageant—sorry, scholarship competition—where, just like in the Miss America show, a parade of future shoplifting beards, football announcers, and butt-sniffing chanteuses not only don bikinis with high heels and present themselves rearwards for inspection but answer the tough questions from D-grade celebrity judges (not that there is anything wrong with any of the aforementioned). The Miss USA contest does not judge "talent," by the way, which makes it either more or less dignified than the Miss America show, though I couldn't begin to tell you why.

The Miss USA contest determines which lady will represent the Land of the Free in the Miss Universe contest, which is either the Laff Olympics or the UN of international swimsuit competitions, depending on your belief in multilateral arms and legs control. This year's Miss USA will compete against a bevy of international beauties to succeed Miss Universe Dayana Mendoza of Venezuela, known for appearing topless and dubbing Camp Gitmo a "relaxing, calm, beautiful place."

Anyhoo, Miss California, a.k.a. Carrie Prejean, responded thusly to blogger Perez Hilton's query about gay marriage:

"We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite. And you know what, I think in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised."

Despite sharing exactly the same (stupid!) position on gay marriage as President Obama and past and future beauty queen Gov. Sarah Palin, Prejean took home first-runner up honors, losing out to Miss North Carolina, "a 22-year-old aspiring motivational speaker and entertainer from Wilmington." More here.

Ah well, there's always next year. Well, not really. What does any of this have to do with "Free Minds and Free Markets" (subscribe already; if you got the print edition for less than $20 a year, you'd be reading it instead of this by now)? For starters, it's a great goddamn thing that we live in a country where beauty queens are free to express themselves however they want. And more important, the rest of us are as free as Adam and Steve in an Iowa cornfield to ignore them, engage them, or watch King of the Hill reruns.

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124 responses to “Because It's Been a While Since Any of My Lazy Colleagues Have Blogged And an Even Longer Time Since We Had Any Cheesecake Up at Hit & Run, Here's Something About Miss Kalifornia's Gay Marriage Stance…

  1. Good ending.

  2. I don’t get how beauty pageants and swimsuit issues have avoided the fate of buggy whip manufacturers in the Age of Internet Porn.

  3. SCOTUS just found for Gant, possibly overturning part of NY v. Belton…

  4. Perez Hilton !!!!!????? The Miss USA people couldn’t find any straight guys to act as judge?

    Kevin

  5. Not too bright, with bad breast implants, excessive makeup to hide her starvation-withered face, and a mouth full of bleached teeth. Can’t a state with a population the size of California’s do any better than her?

  6. Thank you Vanessa, I thought it was just me.

  7. Somehow-celebrity Perez Hilton takes it very seriously, thank you. Who knew the gays had so much at stake in a meaningless heterofest? But we all have a right to be offended by free Americans with large breasts speaking their minds. Don’t we?

  8. Hey Nick, if you had blogged the Jackie Chan story when I sent it to you instead of giving it to Fonzie Jr., you could have followed up about the increasing furor it’s causing.

    Instead, all you have is ‘batin fuel and Perez Hilton (and “grade-D” celebrity is a tad complementary to that fool).

  9. They need to start a Miss All-Natural USA pageant. If you know what I mean.

  10. …and world peace.

  11. Silicone is to sexy, as wax is to appetizing.

  12. Perez Hilton !!!!!????? The Miss USA people couldn’t find any straight guys to act as judge?

    No, because only gay men are interested in: Not too bright, with bad breast implants, excessive makeup to hide her starvation-withered face, and a mouth full of bleached teeth.

  13. JP – hairy, with natural breasts?

  14. I was a little surprised they ruined a beauty pageant with political questions right near the end, and even more surprised that some of the judges apparently scored some contestants lower for their opinions rather than for how well they expressed themselves in their answers.

    The winner, Miss North Carolina, was asked about the Bush/Obama bailouts of the banksters. She almost sounded like a libertarian at first, denouncing the bailouts even though she hails from the same state as the US government-owned Bank of America, but then she said the money should go to education and health care instead, as if there is any actual money available, and not just more debt.

  15. Beauty pagents gave us pictures of Miss USA making out with Miss Teen USA. That pretty much excuses all sins ever associated with them. I don’t care if beauty queens form a new Trialateral Commission to rule the earth, it would still be worth it for those pics.

  16. I have to say, she is totally hot. And I see Vanessa agrees. You have to read between the lines, but if you know women….

  17. 2 comments:

    1. This “controversy” was the best thing that ever happened to Carrie Prejean. She is going to get tons of publicity, and the Focus on the Family-type organizations will be dying to get her to be a spokesperson.

    2. This was my favorite Q & A:
    Judge Kenan Thompson from “Saturday Night Live” asked:

    “”Do you think the U.S. should have universal health care as a right of citizenship? Why or why not?”

    Miss Arizona’s response:

    “I think this is an issue of integrity regardless of which end of the political spectrum that I stand on. I’ve been raised in a family to know right from wrong, and politics, whether or not you fall in the middle, the left or the right, it’s an issue of integrity, whatever your opinion is and I say that with the upmost conviction.”

  18. “Not too bright, with bad breast implants, excessive makeup to hide her starvation-withered face, and a mouth full of bleached teeth. Can’t a state with a population the size of California’s do any better than her?”

    Venessa I think those boobs are real.

  19. Come on. You know Hilton was hoping for exactly the answer he got to drum up something in the news with his name on it. That’s why political questions got asked.

    They need to start a Miss All-Natural USA pageant. If you know what I mean.

    That wouldn’t be a bad idea if pageants weren’t so insipid in the first place. You know something’s format is beyond boring if it’s filled with hot chicks and I can’t pay attention for more than 30 seconds.

  20. “I don’t get how beauty pageants and swimsuit issues have avoided the fate of buggy whip manufacturers in the Age of Internet Porn.”

    Not everyone wants to peer deeply into the vaginal barrel every single time. Some of us also appreciate femininity.

  21. Because It’s Been a While Since Any of My Lazy Colleagues Have Blogged And an Even Longer Time Since We Had Any Cheesecake Up at Hit & Run, Here’s Something About Miss Kalifornia’s Gay Marriage Stance…

    Threadwinner in the post title.

  22. JP – hairy, with natural breasts?

    Natural breasts — check.

    Hairy — well, within reason. Ron-Jeremy-hairy should be avoided.

  23. Some of us also appreciate femininity.

    They have websites for that too. I suspect SugarFree will be along with the links shortly, unless he screws them up.

    if it’s filled with hot chicks and I can’t pay attention for more than 30 seconds.

    Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

  24. Beauty pageants are contests to find the prettiest among the group of girls who have no dignity.

  25. Beauty pagents gave us pictures of Miss USA making out with Miss Teen USA. That pretty much excuses all sins ever associated with them. I don’t care if beauty queens form a new Trialateral Commission to rule the earth, it would still be worth it for those pics.

    I don’t think I have ever agreed with anything John has said as much as I agree with this statement.

    Speak that truth, brother!

  26. Clearly the woman was/is a dingbat. She even took her own position badly. Notice that she said “I think I believe.” Isn’t she sure? Perhaps she needs someone to tell her what she believes.

    She also then praised America for giving people a choice whether they want a straight marriage or gay marriage. Really??? I thought that 46 states have limited that choice. To say the country gives this choice is just wrong.

    She then attributed her beliefs to her family and says this is what her family believes (that gays shouldn’t be allowed marriage rights). Yet she then said her sister disagrees with her and she isn’t speaking for her mother either, though she mentioned her father supported the view she took. So was this a value of her family or not? Or was her family divided?

    Here we have a woman so badly rattled by the question that she implies the legal situation is different than it is, can’t quite remember what her own family thinks of the issue, and then can only say that she “thinks” that she “believes” something. Maybe she should call when she’s sure.

    The question was only good in that it showed that Ms. California is incapable of thinking on her feet. Apparently she goes to a fundamentalist school so thinking is probably not her strongpoint.

  27. “Beauty pagents gave us pictures of Miss USA making out with Miss Teen USA.”

    Link, please?

  28. Miss Arizona’s response:

    “I think this is an issue of integrity regardless of which end of the political spectrum that I stand on. I’ve been raised in a family to know right from wrong, and politics, whether or not you fall in the middle, the left or the right, it’s an issue of integrity, whatever your opinion is and I say that with the upmost conviction.”

    Another successful graduate of the Sarah Palin School o’ Rhetoric.

  29. If she is a helpless victim of the gayfers, maybe she didn’t deserve to be Miss America. I don’t recall blabbing about victimhood being very sexy.

  30. Another successful graduate of the Sarah Palin School o’ Rhetoric.

    She’s got a future in politics!

  31. Reason mag’s cover could use some pageant girls though.

  32. They have websites for that too. I suspect SugarFree will be along with the links shortly, unless he screws them up.

    I think he’s masturbating right now.

    if it’s filled with hot chicks and I can’t pay attention for more than 30 seconds.

    Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

    Porn has desensitized us all, my friend.

  33. (Blitz Craig, you’re familiar with google images aren’t you?)

    John: thank you for the reminder.

    This year’s Miss USA will compete against a bevy of international beauties to succeed Miss Universe Dayana Mendoza of Venezuela, known for appearing topless and dubbing Camp Gitmo a “relaxing, calm, beautiful place.”

    There were two items in that statement that needed links, and I’ve already seen her comments about Gitmo. Luckily, I do know all about Google images.

  34. This whole episode just makes me more certain I’m right in changing my opinion on the gay rights movement. In the wake of Prop 8 I’ve come to believe that “gay rights ‘movement’ : Libertarianism” as “KKK : Civil Rights”. The GR movement has become more interested in destroying opposition rights to free speech and association instead of promoting their own rights.

  35. “Somehow-celebrity Perez Hilton…”

    Celebrity?

    Someone must have redefined the word.

  36. Clearly the woman was/is a dingbat

    Who else would enter this “competition”?
    That this nonstory is a story speaks volumes. Stupid, pointless, intertube volumes.
    To which we all (sadly) add our opinions.

  37. Perez Hilton is gay? hmmm. Who’da thunk it?

  38. My breast-obsessed Swiss-German lab mate (he calls them “knockies”) and I spent much of the afternoon checking out the contestants. Our top two: Miss South Carolina and Miss Indiana.

    You seriously don’t want to hear them speak.

  39. Miss California: totally doable

  40. db, you do all the hard work for everyone. Browsing the Miss USA site, jumping out of planes, staying on the FBI most wanted list…it goes on and on.

  41. dbcooper, Miss South Carolina: also totally doable

  42. dbcoop, thank you for narrowing it down.
    my vote is for Indiana.

  43. dbcooper,

    I kind of like Ms. Alabama myself, but the two you list are certainly worthy.

    http://www.missuniverse.com/missusa/members/profile/46

  44. Episiarch,

    He’s not that Cooper. He’s Agent Dale B. Cooper, and he thinks Miss California makes a damned fine cup of coffee.

  45. My favorite entertainment related blog had this to say:

    Ms. California Carrie Prejean went on the Today show this morning to defend her answer about gay marriage during the Ms. USA pageant Saturday night. Prejean is religious, so when asked by Perez Hilton if gay marriage should be legal in California, she said, in accordance to how she was raised, “I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman.” This “dumb bitch”, as Perez called her, should have given a more inclusive answer, and deserved to lose because of this. In an unrelated topic, Perez voted for Barrack Obama, who said, “I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman.”

    If you were to draw a cartoon caricature of a homosexual on a piece of cardboard, cut it out, and then apply Dr Frankenstein type electrodes to the cutout’s ballsack before freak lightning surged through to animate it, Perez Hilton would be the end result.

  46. Gilbert Martin | April 21, 2009, 4:06pm | #

    “Somehow-celebrity Perez Hilton…”

    Celebrity?

    Yes. What would you call him, Gilbert? A serious journalist? His own site is pitched as a “Celebrity blog site covering news and rumors of Hollywood stars.” He seeks fame through others, and now he has achieved his own 15 minutes, in a “celebrity” sort of way.

  47. Barbie! You can’t be in that contest, you’re too old! Get back in the damned toy box!

  48. He’s not that Cooper. He’s Agent Dale B. Cooper, and he thinks Miss California makes a damned fine cup of coffee.

    Excellent work ProL! Now how about a piece of that pie.

  49. Less article more pictures.

  50. The Miss USA-type woman is only second in the typical Playboy-type woman in holding almost no erotic charge for me at all. Teh fake boobies R teh suxxor. The heavy make-up. The oddly put together bodies. It’d be like fucking a greasy mannequin. And not in the wholesome Andrew McCarthy way either.

  51. The GR movement has become more interested in destroying opposition rights to free speech and association instead of promoting their own rights.

    The opposition that dare not speak its name.

    NTTAWWT.

  52. “The Miss USA-type woman is only second in the typical Playboy-type woman in holding almost no erotic charge for me at all. Teh fake boobies R teh suxxor. The heavy make-up. The oddly put together bodies. It’d be like fucking a greasy mannequin. And not in the wholesome Andrew McCarthy way either.”

    I agree with you about the “playboy type woman” not being attractive. But, a lot of the women in the pagent are not of that type and surprisingly natural and gorgous.

  53. dbcooper,

    Sure. I’m sending it over by Dancing Midget, who will also bring you some Pabst Blue Ribbon and a weirding module.

  54. John,

    It’s mostly the projected image. I’m sure they’d be perfectly nice after a good scrubbing.

  55. It’d be like fucking a greasy mannequin. And not in the wholesome Andrew McCarthy way either.

    Look, Kim Catrall only became greasy after getting old and spending time around Sarah Jessica Parker. Cut her some slack.

  56. Excellent, I will practice my backwards speaking for the dwarf.

  57. “DO YOU SEE CREAMED CORN ON THAT PLATE?”

  58. “The Miss USA-type woman is only second in the typical Playboy-type woman in holding almost no erotic charge for me at all. Teh fake boobies R teh suxxor. The heavy make-up. The oddly put together bodies. It’d be like fucking a greasy mannequin. And not in the wholesome Andrew McCarthy way either.”

    My perfect woman, Sarah Silverman. Nice face, if not striking, something I actually prefer, and her (natural) boobs to tiny butt ratio is incredible.

  59. “My perfect woman, Sarah Silverman. Nice face, if not striking, something I actually prefer, and her (natural) boobs to tiny butt ratio is incredible.”

    Nice body. she is skinny with big natural tits, which is always a nice combination. Good skin but her nose annoys me to no end. Her nostrals are huge. It just dosn’t look right.

    I like the French actress Audrey Tautau. Great body, perfect skin, great features. She has the whole package.

  60. Eh, I don’t really have a perfect type… I like a wide variety of thin women.

  61. Despite sharing exactly the same (stupid!) position on gay marriage…

    You are casing a pretty wide net. You are calling a lot of people stupid, including just about everyone who was living before circa Y2K.

  62. “Eh, I don’t really have a perfect type… I like a wide variety of thin women.”

    I like a variety of all women. There are a lot of women who, while not fat, are not thin by today’s standards that work quite well. The always errudite Sir Mixalot said best

    So Cosmo says your fat
    Well I ain’t down with that.

  63. another thing, Sarah’s potty mouth. I find that irresistable (not being sarcastic).

    Look, Kim Catrall only became greasy after getting old and spending time around Sarah Jessica Parker. Cut her some slack.

    In the 1980’s Catrall had a really cute voice, low, husky, but a little dumb. For the Sex in the City part she adapted a nasaly, all knowing kind of irritating whine. That show obviously took something precious from her soul. Still good looking though.

  64. My perfect woman, Sarah Silverman. Nice face, if not striking, something I actually prefer, and her (natural) boobs to tiny butt ratio is incredible.

    She’s also the funniest person alive.

  65. Sarah Silverman? Really? Once again you guys confuse me.

  66. Silverman also dates Jimmie Kimmel. So clearly she has a fetish for losers. I don’t get it either Episiarch.

  67. She’s also the funniest person alive

    Next to Tamron Hall. But that’s another set of boobs.

  68. Her nostrals are huge.

    I never notice. I have a good friend I’ve known since second grade, back in high school, somebody ridiculed his nose during an argument he was having, and I recall thinking to myself, ‘ten years, best friends, and I didn’t see THAT?’

  69. I agree with you about the “playboy type woman” not being attractive. But, a lot of the women in the pagent are not of that type and surprisingly natural and gorgous.

    That’s just foolish on the “playboy type woman”.
    Danger Will Robinson! Danger! NSFW if you go any further than the linked page
    Every Playboy playmate thru January 2007. Take a tour through the archives and get back to me.

  70. “That’s just foolish on the “playboy type woman”.
    Danger Will Robinson! Danger! NSFW if you go any further than the linked page
    Every Playboy playmate thru January 2007. Take a tour through the archives and get back to me.”

    I have. The ones in the 60s and 70s were a lot better looking than the ones today. Perhaps it is the evil of photoshop. But the ones in the 60s looked like hot women you might actually meet somewhere. The ones now look like plastic mockups done by aliens who had only had beautiful women described to them but had never actually seen them.

  71. Sorry, J sub, but NutraSweet is correct. Not only does whoever chooses for Playboy seem to have awful taste, but those poses are beyond ludicrous.

  72. And they don’t show proper vag!

  73. John is right about the models from the 60’s and 70’s. I use to have a fine collection of Playboys ffrom that era.

    However, that frilly, girly stuff is kind of old fashioned, and the stripper aesthestic you see in Playboy though it has it’s own appeal, is not really the answer.

    What is, then? I think women are getting to be more butch, and I frankly like it. I use to date this girl who was Navajo, and she would dress like a Sandinista in camo wear, army boots, wild hair, and green caps. Good God was she ever hot.

  74. “So Cosmo says your fat
    Well I ain’t down with that.”

    Booty is Booty.

  75. Meanwhile, a California high school is essentially pretending that it doesn’t sexualize its cheerleaders. That’s the only way it can justify firing a cheerleading coach for posing for Playboy.

  76. Sarah Silverman? Really? Once again you guys confuse me.

    I gotta go with Epi here.

    I don’t find her attractive (unless you like really hairy women with obnoxious voices) and her “comedy” routine is basically “how can I try and shock people by saying the most outrageous things and then smiling” — there is no real humor to her.

    And sorry but there is nothing appealing about Jimmy Kimmel’s sloppy seconds.

    I don’t get it either.

  77. “Every Playboy playmate thru January 2007”

    That’s the greatest link ever!

  78. I think women are getting to be more butch, and I frankly like it.

    Have you seen Katie Holmes lately? She is slowly turning into a petite man. Tom Cruise’s plan is working to perfection.

  79. “Perhaps it is the evil of photoshop.”

    As a friend of mine said twenty five yras ago when he heard the photos were airbrushed, “Well maybe the are airbrushed, but they look good to me.”

  80. “how can I try and shock people by saying the most outrageous things and then smiling”

    When Lenny Bruce did it, commies called it art. Now that they are the establishment getting poked at, not so fun no more.

  81. Have you seen Katie Holmes lately? She is slowly turning into a petite man. Tom Cruise’s plan is working to perfection.

    Mmmm, and how. Did you see that pic of her in the saggy jeans where you couldn’t tell if it was a guy or a gal? Excuse me, I’ll be right back.

  82. and her “comedy” routine is basically “how can I try and shock people by saying the most outrageous things and then smiling” — there is no real humor to her.

    Whether a person finds Sarah Silverman funny or not is essentially how I decide if I can ever be friends with them.

    (The correct answer being, “OMFG I LOVE HER!”)

  83. I think women are getting to be more butch

    No they’re not. God I hope not. No, when I think about it, they aren’t. I mean, we’ve gone from Jo on The Facts of Life to Mila Kunis on That 70’s Show. This instantly disproves your theory.

  84. “Have you seen Katie Holmes lately? She is slowly turning into a petite man. Tom Cruise’s plan is working to perfection.”

    Take a look at Katie Homes sometime pre Tom Cruise in something like The Wonder Boys. She was the ultimate girl next door type hot college chick. Fucking gorgous. Then look at her now and try to convince yourself that Cruise isn’t gay.

  85. When Lenny Bruce did it

    When Lenny Bruce did it, they arrested him.

    When Sarah Silverman does it, they give her a show on Comedy Central.

    Sarah Silverman saying “cunt” just isn’t really taboo. And if it isn’t taboo, then what is it? Cuz it ain’t that clever (obviously there are a few exceptions, but not many)

    Here’s some quotes whose main point is to be shocking:

    When God gives you AIDS – and God does give you AIDS, by the way – make lemonAIDS.

    Strippers should be role-models for little girls. If only for the fact that they wax their assholes.

    I’m working on an open letter and it goes like this. Guess what, Martin Luther King, I had a fuckin’ dream, too! I had a dream that I was in my living room. It wasn’t my living room but it was, like, playing my living room in the dream. And I walked through to the backyard and there’s a pool and as I’m diving in, there’s a shark coming up from the water… with braces! So maybe you’re not so fucking special! Martin Loser King! Yeah, I wanna be the first comic ever to shit on Martin Luther King because people only talk about the good things. They don’t mention he was a litterbug. He would roll up all the windows and lock them and fart in the car with the heat up while his family suffered… and he would laugh.

    I was raped by a doctor.
    [pause]
    Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.

    [about her half-black boyfriend] I gave him a compliment! All right, I told him he probably would’ve made, like, a really expensive slave in the, like, in the olden-timey days.

    Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I’m one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.

    Can you believe how OUTRAGEOUS those quotes are!?!!?!!?!!?

  86. Take a look at Katie Homes sometime pre Tom Cruise in something like The Wonder Boys. She was the ultimate girl next door type hot college chick. Fucking gorgous. Then look at her now and try to convince yourself that Cruise isn’t gay.

    She was totally hot during her Dawson’s creek years (not that I watched…my wife did — no really, stop laughing)

    Now she looks more and more like my male cousin. DAMN YOU TOM CRUISE!!!

  87. “Fucking gorgous.”

    Super hot in that Batman film, but hottest girl ever in year one of Dawson’s Creek.

  88. Free Minds.
    Boob jokes.

  89. Now I’m a big fan of Miranda Cosgrove. Pity she’s only 15.

    http://www.thestarscoop.com/2007/photos/miranda_cosgrove.jpg

  90. Free Minds.
    Boob jokes.
    Snark.

  91. “She was totally hot during her Dawson’s creek years (not that I watched…my wife did — no really, stop laughing)

    Now she looks more and more like my male cousin. DAMN YOU TOM CRUISE!!!”

    Bastard. Best slam ever regarding boyish looking women was done by Ava Gardner. Upon hearing that her ex-husband Frank Sinatra planned to marry the very boyish looking Mia Farrow, Garnder said “I always knew Frank liked little boys”.

  92. Clearly, the hottest woman alive is also one that could kick all of our collective asses.

    Gina Carano

  93. Clearly, the hottest woman alive is also one that could kick all of our collective asses.

    Gina Carano

    Thanks for that.

  94. My favorite Playmate was June 1969’s Helena Antonaccio. Cute, rather than beautiful, but damn if she doesn’t look like a fun person. Some actual personality peeks through.

    Link all sorts of NSFW

  95. Is she wearing a wig, or is that the worst hair cut ever. The pressure is on, SugarFree.

  96. It was the 60s, db. Probably a wig, but over-processed hair looked like that as well. At the very least, no girl named Antonaccio is going to be a real blond.

    Here’s your blond: May 1973’s Anulka Dziubinska. And, as a bonus, she played a lesbian vampire.

  97. First one is NSFW on the last post. As is this image index of Anulka.

  98. John, no way those boobs are real. There is a canyon between them. Real boobs of that size would make cleavage when hoisted.

    bigbigslacker, you may think what you want, of course.

    Here’s my idea of a hot woman – Soledad Miranda. And she is quite natural – no implants, a bit of cellulite, teeth that don’t dazzle…

    Actually she’s dead now, but when she was alive she was rather the antithesis of the current Miss California.

    http://psycho-underground.blogspot.com/2008/07/soledad-miranda.html

  99. “She was totally hot during her Dawson’s creek years (not that I watched…my wife did — no really, stop laughing)”

    It’s okay, Tom. We’ll only rip on you five times a day for the next ten years for that.

  100. “Her nostrals are huge.”

    Y’know what they say about women with huge nostrils! *wink wink nudge nudge say no more*

  101. The only controversy here is that Perez Hilton somehow has been admitted into polite society. The phrase “bottomfeeding scumbag” comes to mind.

  102. I am not a beauty pagent fan either, but it must be nice to be able to get blind drunk at work before 3:05pm and post your keyboard poundings for a paycheck.

  103. “My favorite Playmate was June 1969’s Helena Antonaccio.”

    A greatful nation thanks you.

  104. I can finally say that I read Reason for the articles…

  105. Here’s my idea of a hot woman – Soledad Miranda. And she is quite natural – no implants, a bit of cellulite, teeth that don’t dazzle…

    Nice.

  106. Helana works for me. Single greatest link ever posted on Hit and Run. Until this one at least for me. My favorite is Ms. Sue Bernard Miss December 1966

    http://findthebesthere.com/PU6702.jpg

    Tiny, gorgous, natural little brunette with a perfect hourglass figure and big tits. The centerfold doesn’t even do her full justice.

  107. That is actually Kim Farber and she was Febuary 1967. My mistake. Ms. Bernard isn’t bad either.

  108. John, if you’re interested Sue Bernard is the daughter of famous Hollywood photographer Bruno Bernard (“Bernard of Hollywood”). She is a very rich woman because she owns the rights to all her father’s photos. She was in Faster, Pussycat!, Kill! Kill! and a great, underrated psycho-horror film called The Killing Kind, with John Savage and Ann Southern. Plays a victim in both.

  109. The phrase “bottomfeeding scumbag” comes to mind.

    Or industrious entrepreneur, right?

  110. Vanessa,

    Wow. That is impressive. Sadly, life didn’t turn out so well for many former playmates. Most of them ended up in bad marriages and being generally miserable. The curse of a beautiful woman. Good for Ms. Bernard that it worked out so well.

  111. John — I’m speaking up because you’ve misspelled “gorgeous” several times in this thread. It’s gorgeous, not “gorgous.” There’s an e in there.

  112. “I am not a beauty pagent fan either, but it must be nice to be able to get blind drunk at work before 3:05pm and post your keyboard poundings for a paycheck.”

    You know Suki, sentences can actually come in more than one at a time (plural). In fact, enough sentences can get you something called a “paragraph.” You should work towards that.

  113. Those boobs are certainly not NATURAL.

    But Lord, they are REAL baby! If you had ’em in your face they certainly would not be imaginary!

  114. I don’t think they are fake. I think they are well taped. Having dated several beauty pagent contestents when i was single, I can tell you tape can do miraculous things. I think they taped them up to lift and separate. That girl is too flat chested for them to be a fake. She is a small B at best. But they look bigger because they are taped up.

  115. “Having dated several beauty pagent contestents when i was single”

    If you’re telling the truth, I hate you so very, very much.

  116. And I fear John is telling the truth.

    THOSE BEAUTY PAGEANT CONTESTANTS SHOULD HAVE BEEN MINE, DAMMIT!

  117. “I don’t get how beauty pageants and swimsuit issues have avoided the fate of buggy whip manufacturers in the Age of Internet Porn.”

    “Not everyone wants to peer deeply into the vaginal barrel every single time. Some of us also appreciate femininity”

    right. no reason to go stampeding towards the clitoris.

  118. When Lenny Bruce did it, they arrested him.

    Big, hairy ass (see what I did there?) deal. Who hasn’t been arrested before? Some get arrested for telling dirty jokes in a night club, some get arrested for speeding faster than the law will allow. We are all heroes, man.

    Most of us don’t have a martyr’s stage to play up the drama on, though.

    Thank you for making my point for me with the hate on with those many examples of Silverman’s routine. Some jokes were funny, some were lame, but what they all have in common is they take a little starch out of the establishmentarian lefty’s collar.

  119. economist | April 21, 2009, 10:27pm | #

    And I fear John is telling the truth.

    THOSE BEAUTY PAGEANT CONTESTANTS SHOULD HAVE BEEN MINE, DAMMIT!

    I’m not jealous. Not a wit. I stopped fucking plastic Barbies along time ago. I had to, the neighbors were starting to complain to my parents.

  120. The ones now look like plastic mockups done by aliens who had only had beautiful women described to them but had never actually seen them

    .. ain’t it the truth?? .. that chick at the top of the article reminds me of Cherry 2000 .. just another bimbette with fake boobs, anorexic body and makeup by Sherman-Williams ..

    .. as someone mentioned before, looking thru the years of Playboy one can see how all of the changes worked their way in there… $1000 Galt-bucks .999 pure sez we won’t see another unadorned snatch in Playboy from now on out ..

    .. “subscriber since 1971” Hobbit

  121. Those boobs are certainly not NATURAL.

    But Lord, they are REAL baby!

    MNG, best line ever! I’ll be sure to use that at Roller Derby. After which, I’m sure I’ll get my ass kicked, but it will be so worth it.

    Thanks.

  122. Why should the validity of our unions (gay, straight, bestial) be defined by the whims of our government? Whatever happened to freedom of private association and contract? Or did I miss something about the Constitution being steadily invalidated over the course of the last 100 years?

    Please President Obama, grant me your royal blessing so that my sexual proclivities will have true meaning!

  123. Well, you all knew this was gonna happen. Think about it – for one Carrie Prejean is pretty dang hot to begin with. I guess that is why she is “Miss California”. But if there are nude and topless pics like these 6 out there to be seen of a hot girl like this – you KNOW they are going to come out. Its a given. But can you blame people for not wanting to look

    http://watercooler.jlaforums.com

    I mean look at these pics – she is smokin!

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