More Fun With the Dumbest People on the Internet


It's been a while since I suited up and dumpster-dived in the Obama conspiracyverse. In my absence, I reckon that the average IQ there has dipped by 20-25 points. Take this latest revelation from Larry "Whitey Tape" Johnson.

Republican operatives, with help from their own island backers, have unearthed critical information on Obama and are just biding their time until after the convention to drop it on him. Such as? Having a birth certificate that lists you as Barry Soetoro.

Incredible! Ann Dunham met her second husband, Lolo Soetoro in 1966, in Hawaii. "Barry" Obama was, at this time, five years old. The only reasonable explanation is that Dunham and Soetoro built (or purchased) a Genesis Device to clone a new son, using DNA from Barack Obama Sr. that Dunham had pulled off one of his combs.

Seriously. The "evidence" for Johnson's claim is the now-familiar murmurings of "sources" and GOP "operatives" (who appear in these things quicker than agents of H.Y.D.R.A.) and the fact—not reported in too many places, but never disputed—that when Lolo Soetoro became his adoptive father, the young Barack was enrolled in school as "Barack Soetoro."

But was there anything at all odd about that as it concerns a candidate for president? Bill Clinton was William Blythe III until he turned 14 and his mother married Roger Clinton. Gerald Ford was born Leslie Lynch King, Jr., and three years later his mother married Gerald R. Ford and unofficially re-named her son. The younger Ford didn't legally change his name until his was 22 years old. Is Larry Johnson or one of his pseudononymous fellow travellers going to retroactively challenge their legitimacy or veracity? Probably not. There's nothing odd or foreign about Ford's and Clinton's lives—there's no way to stoke racial bigotry and paranoia, which is the indisputable goal of this stuff.

Alas, this was only the second-stupidist event in Birth Certificatestan this week. The stupidest:

Forensics specialist Techdude, who has been chipping away at the Obama Birth Certificate mystery for some time, has confirmed that the name on the original Certificate of Live Birth (COLB) which was used to forge the document presented by Barack Obama as his valid Birth Certificate IS:

Maya Kassandra Soetoro.

Maya Soetoro is Barack Obama's half-sister. She was born in 1970. In Indonesia. Fun fact: Indonesia is not part of Hawaii.

Another fun fact: It's been 88 days since Larry Johnson claimed the existence of the "whitey" tape.