Internet

He's Really Just Sick the of the Kelly Holcomb Jokes

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A Kentucy lawmaker wants to ban . . . well . . .most of you.

Kentucky Representative Tim Couch filed a bill this week to make anonymous posting online illegal.

If the bill becomes law, the website operator would have to pay if someone was allowed to post anonymously on their site. The fine would be five-hundred dollars for a first offense and one-thousand dollars for each offense after that.

Representative Couch says he filed the bill in hopes of cutting down on online bullying.

NEXT: Back in Broun

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  1. Tim Couch can go fuck himself.

  2. Let me guess: Dan T. talked Tim Couch into this, after all the impersonators.

  3. Fuck the sorry bastard!

  4. Hey, not to change the subject, but no mention of Elliot Spitzer scandal here at Reason today? It’s like the biggest issue on all Cable News and the entire Blogosphere.

    Surely there’s a libertarian angle on the Spitzer scandal story?

  5. Upp, strike that (above). I didn’t scroll down far enough.

  6. Here’s the problem:

    How do you check ID?

    If I register that my real name and address are “George Dumbass Bush” and “1600 Pennsylvania Ave” how the hell are you supposed to know that ain’t me?

    Who thinks this is just another thing this Kentucky legislator didn’t think through, like dating his sister and swimming in the Ohio River near a sewage treatment plant?

  7. Two observations:

    Has this clown been trading on his name similarity to the quarterback (still an asset in KY if a liability in Ohio)?

    Is our? Donderoo now part of his legislative staff?

  8. Can I bully him in person for proposing such a stupid law?

  9. Radley. Come on. Cleveland Browns fans have had enough heartbreak without some Colts-loving punk opening up old wounds.

    We now have a Pro-Bowl quarterback in Derek Anderson and a stud waiting in the wings in Brady Quinn. We prefer to forget about the Couch-Holcomb days, thank you.

    And when I call you a punk, I mean it with love.

  10. Not to mention you have a coach descended from the right hand of God, from our perspective here in New England.

    Oh, and screw Tim Couch. I need my anonymous crutch identity to pretend I have something worth covering up. Not, sadly, 1K-per-day booty.

  11. he can introduce a bill banning thermodynamics, too, for all the good it will do him. yawn.

  12. Not to mention you have a coach descended from the right hand of God, from our perspective here in New England.

    18 and 1

    Sorry. As a bitter Cowboys fan I couldn’t resist.

  13. Oh yeah? Well, I watched your QB in the Pro Bowl, and he stank. (And Brad Quinn is an effete momma’s boy.) That spot should have gone to a real QB from a team that actually made the playoffs, like David Garrard.

    Now, I just need to apply an aetherial purple-nurple, and my abuse of internet anonymity will be complete. And there’s nothing you can do about it, Representative Couch!

  14. Help! I’m melting!

    Oh, what a world, what a world!

  15. Let’s make a deal. He can have this if congress members have to be present on the floor for every vote and they have to provide identification and their every vote is recorded. If a member misses , say, 5 votes, they get fired without severance or retirement.

  16. and maybe a test for working knowledge of everything they are voting on? sort of a no congresscritter left behind thing?

  17. Matt J

    18-1 is a better record than any team in history can claim so I hope you weren’t trying to taunt us with it. Don’t make me bring up the Red Sox, Celtics and Revolution. (good thing the Bruins are in the middle of the pack or the rest of the country would send a lynch mob)

  18. As a Kentucky native, I council y’all to reckon this as just another forward stride in proudly keeping the Commonwealth on the cuttin’ edge of Blue Laws and other questionable legislation.

    My favorite is this part of the Oath of Office (last revised in 1891):


    “and I do further solemnly swear (or affirm) that since the adoption of the present Constitution, I, being a citizen of this State, have not fought a duel with deadly weapons within this State nor out of it, nor have I sent or accepted a challenge to fight a duel with deadly weapons, nor have I acted as second in carrying a challenge, nor aided or assisted any person thus offending, so help me God.”


  19. 18-1 is a better record than any team in history can claim

    That’s what I tell myself every morning.

    (sob)

  20. I hope Reason has a whole lotta five-hundred-dollar bills.

  21. Fucking A, Donderasshole, pay fucking attention.

    First you call guys here that have actual military service – not just filling out forms – cowards and pussies, but now you don’t even bother to read and find out whats current on this blog.

    What the fuck, has that case of syphilis that you got from that whore in Manila eaten what little brain you had away?

    Why don’t you just fuck off pussy pen pushing supply clerk.

  22. Well, at least he won’t prevent me from posting.
    “Someone Who Doesn’t Want to Lose His Job” is actually my given name.

    My phone number is 555-PLOW.

  23. John-David:

    As a fellow Cleveland resident… I need to help you out here… we will not win a championship in any major sport…

    We’d lose our record of 30+ years with no championships… 🙂

    Nephilium

  24. Er?k Boston, Pre-Esq.,

    Whatever lets you sleep at night man.

    18-1
    18-1
    18-1
    18-1
    18-1
    18-1
    18-1

  25. 18-1 is a better record than any team in history can claim

    1. ’72 Dolphins 17-0 1.000
    2. ’07 Patriots 18-1 0.947

  26. If you’ve done nothing wrong, you’ve got nothing to hide.

  27. I wonder if this guy has the smarts to pick up the distinction between being anonymous and using a nom-de-plume?

  28. Nigger.
    Kike.
    Honky.
    Spick.
    Meatball.
    Gook.
    Coon.
    All just words. Except meatball. That’s a wonderfully delicious, and intrinsically racist, food, so sue me!

  29. BTW, Who the fuck are the Revolution?

    I thought Prince was from Minnesota?

  30. There is a typo in the title. Just saying. Radley, Couch could sue you for poor spelling, too, you know.

  31. What would the jurisdiction even be on this?

  32. First they came for Fluffy, and I did nothing because I wasn’t a Fluffy. Then they came for Someone Who Doesn’t Want to Lose His Job, and I still did nothing because I wasn’t a SWDWTLHJ. Then they came for me and there was no one left to type up for me.

    Oh yeah, go fuck yourself Couch.

  33. New England Revolution…our soccer team. You seem to have missed their made for Hollywood bicycle kick that earned them a trip to the championship game.

    To save a few tedious questions, the Celtics are our Basketball team – currently 50-12 (they’ve held the best record all season) and the Red Sox play baseball – currently World Series champs.

  34. BTW, Who the fuck are the Revolution?

    They play in MLS, which will be starting soon thank God.

  35. Funny thing is… that guy probably got elected on name recognition alone.

    You’ve got to get in where you fit in, I guess.

  36. Where can I file a bill about congressional bullying?

  37. “and I do further solemnly swear (or affirm) that since the adoption of the present Constitution, I, being a citizen of this State, have not fought a duel with deadly weapons within this State nor out of it, nor have I sent or accepted a challenge to fight a duel with deadly weapons, nor have I acted as second in carrying a challenge, nor aided or assisted any person thus offending, so help me God.”

    You know, maybe that’s the problem. We no longer have members of the self-appointed leadership class blasting away at one another with flintlocks.

  38. NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS NIGGERS

  39. Isn’t being MLS champ pretty much the soccer world’s equivalent to winning the Arena Bowl? Maybe I’m being to harsh – The Grey Cup?

    As for the Celtics – You’re talking to a Mavs fan. Nobody knows better than us that your regular season record don’t mean dick.

    Red Sox – You got me there. Way to go Massholes!

    Now back to the Pats –

    18-1
    18-1
    18-1
    18-1
    18-1
    18-1
    18-1

    Talk to me again when you have two more rings.

  40. Tim Couch can go fuck himself.

    See, you can bully people with your real name, too.

  41. Fuck his couch.

  42. Representative Couch says he filed the bill in hopes of cutting down on online bullying. He says that has especially been a problem in his Eastern Kentucky district.

    First of all, why would Eastern Kentucky be any different from any other place? Second, how the hell could he know that?

  43. Damn Kasay for giving the Pats their second Super Bowl win with that off side kick.

    Pats, the worst 18-1 team in the history of the game.

    Hats off to those outstanding American and Dominican boys who form the greatest baseball team in America, the Boston Red Sox.

  44. I used to spend a lot of alone time with Tim Couch’s wife back in college.

  45. So long, damned Federalist Papers, and your pseudonymous troll of an author, Publius.

  46. Pfft. Other than the pretense of calling myself “mad”, I’m safe.

    Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Rep. Couch.

  47. As for this Couch .

    I propose the Protect Our Children’s Constitution Act of 20XX .

    It would simply give any congressman the right to make a complaint about the Constitutionality of any measure that is proposed. If the ruling body, ideally a panel of judges or legal scholars, find the proposal in dereliction of the Constitution, the sponsors of the offending bill forfeit a years salary that they clearly did not deserve due to not obeying their oath of office.

  48. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

  49. Noooooooooooooooooooooo!

  50. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

  51. First of all, why would Eastern Kentucky be any different from any other place? Second, how the hell could he know that?

    Third, since when do people in Eastern Kentucky have computers?

  52. OK, OK,…my real name is Elliot Spitzer. Please send all correspondence to the Emperor’s Club.

  53. Well then, goodbye to ‘Mark Twain.’ And if we’re going to arrest and fine all Kentuckians for not using their actual full name, goodbye to ‘Honest Abe,’ ‘The Railsplitter,’ and ‘Giant Killer.’

    Has anyone started a collection to buy Mr. Couch a one-way ticket to the country of his choice where they restrict pen names? North Korea? Zimbabwe? Iran? Cuba?

  54. Well, shit.

    My namelessness has again been besmirched with a boring comment by someone else who noticed that entering spaces in the name field leaves it blank.

    THERE OUGHTA BE A LAW! FROM KENTUCKY!

  55. BTW, I’m a douche.

  56. So, what are the website dudes supposed to do when I use the address of 1313 Mockingbird Lane, San Diego, 92101?

  57. I’m glad I don’t need to publish any more papers.

  58. HAHA!

    I will now be the only one who posts at reason!!

    I win!

  59. Is there a reason for this ban?

  60. Is there a reason for this ban?

    Ya Kentucky has fucking moron Representative named Tim Couch.

  61. What The Fuck!?!?

  62. Take it from me, Rep. Couch:

    You’ve made a huge mistake.

  63. Surely there’s a libertarian angle on the Spitzer scandal story?

    Yes. The angle goes something like this:

    “This is what you get with government. Are we really surprised?”

    And clearly, apropos of this thread, case in point.

    Joshua Corning —real name even

    HAHA!

    I will now be the only one who posts at reason!!

    Negatory. I win, too. Paul is my name. I’m just not brave (or foolish enough) to give my last name. I’ve made enough Seattle references for people to probably make the guess that I live in the greater Seattle area. And my last name is so fucking rare that there be only one of me. I don’t need any late night no-knock raids at my house.

  64. hey did everybody hear ron paul actually won the presidency all his votes were taken away how do you think he raised all that money without corporate interests hundreds of millions donated to paul enough to win the election and he got cheated by a rigged election just to make sure he didn’t win this is outrageous

  65. I’m a little baby who doesn’t understand the big scary internet somebody explain the tubes plz :'(

  66. It’s a series of tubes, Tim. And if people hide behind masks, the masks make the tubes get clogged.

  67. 18-1 is a great season, though one of those 18, the game against Baltimore, should have been a loss. They got really lucky on that one. I didn’t understand why everyone considered the Giants to be such an underdog when the Pats basically lost to the Ravens, who were probably the worst team in the NFL last year (they lost to the Dolphins!).

    That said, it was only a series of highly improbably occurrences on that last drive that gave the Giants a chance at winning. Nine times out of ten that’s a sack; nine times out of ten that catch isn’t made; nine times out of ten Buckner–oops, I mean Asante Samuel–makes that gift interception. The Pats saved all their bad luck for that last drive. I guess the pressure was too much for them boys.

    Hey, Couch, here’s some more ideas for you in a similar vein: (1) ban solid food so no one will choke; (2) suck my balls.

  68. HAHA!

    I will now be the only one who posts at reason!!

    I win!

    Nay, nay, Joshua.
    Donderoooooooooooooo will ber here for you to converse with. Have fun.

  69. C’mom you internet savants out ther in ReasonLand, Where is Tim Couch’s E-mail address. I’ll open up an anonymous internet account just to troll the dumbass. Does this ignorant yahoo have any staffers under the age of 40? It doesn’t appear that he does.

    _____________ (your H&R handle) – I’m going to beat you up on the tubes. You can report this anonymous cyber-bullying to Rep. Couch. He’ll protect you.

    Criminy, just how stupid is the Kentucky electorate? They elected this morn.

  70. I’m taking this very personally.

  71. 1. ’72 Dolphins 17-0 1.000
    2. ’07 Patriots 18-1 0.947

    Yeah, but in fairness to the Pats, the ’72 Dolphins played two of those 17 games against the Starland Vocal Band.

  72. It’s a series of tubes, Tim. And if people hide behind masks, the masks make the tubes get clogged.

    And what if they had their tubes tied?

  73. It’s a series of tubes, you see…

  74. I’m always too late to be funny in these threads, if I’m ever funny. Dammit. Tubes, I say!

  75. Will this bill rid us of joe?
    Then I’mm all fer it.

  76. Just wanted to point out that Rep Tim Couch has his mailing address in Hyden, KY which happens to be the hometown of the QB too.

  77. is it ironic that his home state is KY?

  78. 18-1 is a better record than any team in history can claim

    Actually, its not. 18-0 was, but the Dolphin’s 16-0 beats 18-1 every time.

  79. J sub, et al

    here’s the web page to email him — I’m pretty sure you could fashion a process to spam it.

    http://www.lrc.ky.gov/Mailform/H090.htm

  80. Well I’m safe, but wouldn’t this probably increase internet bullying? Hey you just called me an asshole over the internet, I’m gonna come attack you etc etc etc etc etc

  81. Hi, I’m Tim; just checking in y’all

    By the way, I’m a douche.

  82. Go ahead and try, Tim, my boy! Pass a law in your little back roads shit hole. I can think of half a dozen websites that give out e-mail addresses and I’ve got Tor. Tell you what, I’ll raise you one, go ahead and make this federal. We’ll just come from an offshore node. You cannot stop anonymous comments, you cannot control information on the internet. Welcome to the future.

  83. I’m entirely for the libertarian angle on prostitution. But if I were, say, Tim Couch or Eliot Spitzer, and I tried to pass that bill in Kentucky or New York, I would very quickly lose my job. Hence the need for anonymity, driven entirely by the hypocritical public moralizing of Couch, Spitzer, et. al.

  84. THIS IS EXCELLENT NEWS!! FOR HILLARY!!!

  85. Of course, anonymity on the internet is just a myth. The government is fully capable of pressuring a web site owner to provide IP address information, and using that info to ID the poster.

    All that Couch is doing is forbidding the government to maintain the charade. Perhaps he should get the Unintentionally Libertarian Award for the year.

  86. I hope Tim Crouch is Client-10.

  87. If I register that my real name and address are “George Dumbass Bush” and “1600 Pennsylvania Ave” how the hell are you supposed to know that ain’t me?

    Because you spelled “dumbass” correctly.

  88. Tim Crouch is an ignorant douchebag. I’d like to beat him up and take his lunch money.

  89. Sounds like Tim Crouch doesn’t quite know what the “inter-web” actually is. Banning comments? Come on.

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