The War on Cheese

No, this isn't another dispatch from the new, alarming war on obesity. Just more of same from the comfortable, familiar war on drugs.

"A powerful and highly addictive new street drug known as 'cheese'…so called because it resembles crumbled Parmesan" is the new meth, which was, of course, the new crack. "The rise of the drug, a mixture of black tar heroin and powdered headache tablets, has been described as an epidemic."

The Guardian is there with the obligatory "first hit is free/cheap" warning:

Dealers often sell it at $2 a time to get youngsters hooked. Because it is snorted, teenagers do not realise they are taking such a lethal heroin-based drug.

In fact, the article seems to have been written directly off the new drug hysteria template. The big finish:

Zachary Thompson, director of Dallas County Health and Human Services, said: 'We've had this drug in the community for some time and didn't recognise it at first. Cheese heroin has been the most instantly addictive and deadliest drug that we have seen since the crack cocaine epidemic.'

Via Fark. 

Comments

[de stijl]

Behold, the power of cheese.

[pilight]

Cheese isn't new. It was called cheeva (or chiva) back in the good old days when Led Zeppelin sang about it. It was cut with cold pills then instead of Tylenol PM, but the end result is the same. The acetaminophen is the key thing.

This is typical drug war hysteria. An "epidemic" of stuff that's been around for decades has killed fewer people than the flu, but it's enough to justify spending a few billion more of your tax dollars.

[Jared]

Well, i dont think spending billions of tax dollars on a drug which has been here for decades is such a bright idea either, im not saying i dont think the research and interventions with kids isnt worth it, im just saying, chill spending the tax dollars which the americans make and dont get to see, they have a free choice, ultimately if they want to do cheese, well then thats on them.

[ed]

When an unscrupulous dealer dilutes the potency, is he cutting the cheese?

[Alan]

The rise of the drug, a mixture of black tar heroin and powdered headache tablets

Good Gawd, now I'm going to have to ask the pharmacist to get the aspirin from behind the counter. No more than eight tabs per purchase!

[Warren]

Cheese heroin has been the most instantly addictive and deadliest drug that we have seen since the crack cocaine epidemic.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa, aaaahhh...
ooohhh...

fuck

[SugarFree]

Cheese heroin has been the most instantly addictive and deadliest drug that we have seen since the crack cocaine epidemic.

It also beats up old ladies for their rent checks, contributes to global warming, childhood obesity, nudity on primetime TV, caused the extinction of the dinosaurs, forces people to say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas," and is the reason I can't get a decent meatball sub in this shitty excuse of a town.

Soon cheese heroin will interrupt the process of fusing hydrogen into helium that fuels the sun and our solar system will go dark.

[J sub D]

The sky is falling! The sky is falling! Send us drug warriors more money, it's for the children. I have gone from pissed, to amused to now just bored with each pronouncement of a new "drug epidemic".

Boy, you've cried wolf way too many times.

[Warren]

So what, no fucking Ziti now?

Can they just keep piling one fiction on another forever and ever? I say no. Sooner or later the wind is going to blow hard enough to bring the whole tower of lies crashing down. That is why I think prohibition is THE libertarian issue. We get out front on this when it's all against us, and come the revolution, we're the generals.

ooooh what a lovely fuchsia sky...

[Chris S.]

Ha, they're way behind the times. The newest 'thing' involves mixing slabs of treated pork with "cheese" and wedging it between baked wheat and yeast. It's called "ham and cheese" and they're selling it to kids for about $4.

[Rick H.]

It's the super worstest ever! An epidemic, I tell ya!

The dealers' strategy is nefarious. Kids who are unfamiliar with the taste of Parmesan are offered inexpensive pasta dishes. By the time the poor youngsters develop a discriminating palate for Italian food, it's too late. They're hooked on "cheese." On the positive side, they haven't gained any weight.

[James]

The MSM thinks we are really effin dumb. I can't wait to hear about "cheese" on my local news. Maybe we'll be able to by cold medicine again with the active ingredient in it. Nope I live in Florida where you can be arrested as a drug trafficker for having medicine with a prescription.

[jtuf]

This stuff makes me want to protest at the local DEA office. I could give them a plastic bag of Parmesan and say I'm handing in my cheese.

[Warren]

Who's the big cheese around here. I'm looking to score a brick. And don't give me no shake, I want the hard stuff.

[Nigel Watt]

Whatever, I grew up in Dallas, and kids have been doing heroin there for way longer than this, especially in Plano - there's the Plano clap, where you tap the inside of your elbow at football games against them.

[Other Matt]

there's the Plano clap, where you tap the inside of your elbow at football games against them.

Thank goodness, I thought you were going another direction with the Plano clap

[Jake Boone]

I'll just note that de stijl won the thread on the very first post.

[Zach]

I was wondering when the new big bad drug would come, meth has been dethroned blame all society's ills on cheese.

[Dan T.]

Nobody's going to take a drug called "cheese" too seriously, no matter how dangerous it might be.

[negatore]

I can't seem to decide whether to call prohibitionists tools or knobs.

[Dave T.]

This "cheese heroin" might be highly addictive, but what I really want to know- is it crumbelievable?

[tehfunny]

Katherine, you're going to be so funnay should you ever have kids.

[Paul]

Katherine Mangu-Ward:

No, this isn't another dispatch from the new, alarming war on obesity. Just more of same from the comfortable, familiar war on drugs.

They're one in the same.

[Paul]

Ed wrote:

When an unscrupulous dealer dilutes the potency, is he cutting the cheese?

Ed wins the thread.

[Aresen]

Kinda puts a different spin on those ads from the Milk Producers where the kid says "More cheese, please."

[Rick Barton]

The War on Cheese

It still makes more sense than the "War on Terror."

[VM]

Rick -

I suspect a BIG BEEF conspiracy.

BEEF. IT'S MORE MANLY THAN CHEESE.

BEEF: Because the Chicago Stock Yards smell better than most of Wisconsin.

BEEF: "pork" should only be used as a verb.

BEEF.

[SxCx]

One kid did so much cheese, he digested his own brain.

[Cesar]

This is the most ridiculous nickname for a drug I've ever seen.

Who wants to bet the next "epidemic" drug will be called "Magic Schoolbus"?

[negatore]

I think the next drug menace should be called pasta.

[Mike Espinoza]

Whatever, I grew up in Dallas, and kids have been doing heroin there for way longer than this, especially in Plano - there's the Plano clap, where you tap the inside of your elbow at football games against them.

So, that's what was wrong with the Plano kids. In Arlington, the kids were just doing coke and weed.

[jkii]

"This is the most ridiculous nickname for a drug I've ever seen."

A couple of popular nicknames for heroin were , back in the day, 'dog food' and 'chow chow'. 'Cheese' is a relatively banal nickname.

[Chris Griffin]

I found it! I found the cheese! (Sigh) I love cheese...

[The Perfect Food?]

I knew a kid who was strung out on cheese. Every weekend he'd have to score some black-market gouda or provolone.

That is, until the precious blood of Cheesus saved his eternal soul from Hell.

[Aresen]

negatore | September 11, 2007, 12:33am | #

I think the next drug menace should be called pasta.

I think the diet police are ahead of you on that one (see the BMI post today.)

[da_baddest_bytch]

i do cheese everyday and have been for a while. it is hell to get off of but its heaven to be on it. its not just called cheese, its called "black" & "weezy" also.