SWAT Monkey
Noted without comment:
An American police force is planning to sign up a monkey to reinforce its elite special operations team.
Members of the special weapons and tactics (SWAT) unit in Mesa, Arizona, believe that a capuchin monkey, dressed in a bullet-proof jacket and equipped with a two-way radio and video camera, could prove an invaluable reconnaissance tool.
[…]
He said the monkeys, which weigh only 3-8lb and whose puzzle-solving skills are enhanced by tiny, dexterous human-like hands, could unlock doors, search buildings and find injured people upon command.
[…]
Mr Truelove is prepared for potential opposition from animal rights groups and insists that the capuchin would not be sent into action if "the threat level is too high". Gloves for its hands and feet would protect it from broken glass.
Just as he has never known a suspect to harm a robot, he predicted that criminals would be "too stunned" by the capuchin's appearance to hurt it.
Image courtesy of Pass the Ammo .
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Awesome picture.
Imagine the power if one could harness SWAT Monkey and...
TRUNK MONKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's see... get shot by a monkey in the middle of the night or a "trained" human officer... You know, I think I'll take the monkey.
I can probably buy him off with raisins.
Unless it's that monkey in Monkey Shines.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095652/
Yikes.
Is this for real?
On a tangential note -- Check out the story titled: "Dog With College Degree Called to Court"
That's a pretty old news item, or at least they originally discussed the possibility a couple years ago --
http://www.slate.com/id/2117021/
I don't see any indication on-line that it ever got past the grant application stage. India, on the other hand, leads the way --
http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1546980,00.html
Living in Arizona gets better every day.
It's Mojo the Helper Monkey!!!
Baboons hiring monkeys to do their dirty work, hmmm?
I can only hope that our armed simian overlords will remember reason's acknowledgment early in the process of their ascent.
Andy. Wow. Awesome. Hilarious.
Just when we were about to get all "2001" on yer ass 🙂
*raises glass appreciatively
I don't want to swat the monkey.
How do we tell them apart, again?
would a bullet proof jacket even prove effective at protecting a 3-8 pound monkey?
or is it just for looks?
Somebody tell the Mesa, Arizona SWAT team to call off their gorillas. They should never send a monkey to do a dolphin's job. You think the wrongdoers would be "too stunned" by a monkey to retaliate? Imagine if a full-grown cetacean came a-knockin' in full land-shark mode! They'll be reevaluating their career choices toot sweet I'd wager.
And the prize goes to Dr. Wernstrom, for his Fish Thingy!
http://www.technovelgy.com/ct/Science-Fiction-News.asp?NewsNum=741
would a bullet proof jacket even prove effective at protecting a 3-8 pound monkey?
Of course not. No more than a bullet-proof jacket would protect you from a cannon ball.
Oh, come on, Tim Burton did a documentry about this starring Markie Mark a few years ago.
Just name it CMOS and it will behave.
Following the botched raid, Officer Chim-Chim was placed on administrative leave, pending an official investigation. He had no comment.
Finally! A chance to rework the organ grinder joke!
MAN: Hey Officer, what's the point of the monkey?
OFFICER: Someone's gotta do the paperwork!
So this is how it starts.
Paging Zira, Cornelius, and Dr. Zaius, your table is ready.
How long before Lancelot Link is working counter-terrorism?
If you give a monkey a gun and the monkey shoots you, do you blame the monkey?
And while we're at it.
Get your paws off of me you damn dirty ape.
Children, welcome Officer BJ and his partner and bestfriend, Bear. They work for the SWAT Team.
... He said the monkeys, which weigh only 3-8lb and whose puzzle-solving skills are enhanced by tiny, dexterous human-like hands,
...
Gloves for its hands and feet would protect it from broken glass.
So, the monkey is expected to remove the gloves before doing anything that requires dextrous work? Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it.
what does this have to do with Ron Perlman?
I'll be that Godwin's Law guy: I'm flashing back to the monkey that gives the Nazi salute in Raiders of the Lost Ark. How I would love to slip the little bastard some "bad dates."
A friend of mine on neighboring Glendale SWAT tells me that this is a hoax.
We're offered Moet - we don't mind Chivas
Wherever we go with bring the Monkey with us
wingnutx,
That's just what they want you to think.
From the DMV to the SWAT. Now that's upward mobility. Good for the monkeys. Soon they will have their own caucus in the Senate.
Whether the story is true or not, the important thing is that it's promoting discussion.
"If you give a monkey a gun and the monkey shoots you, do you blame the monkey?"
Why not spank it?
"and if you got beef, you'll get beat to a pulp"
The best part of a monkey cop, IMHO.
(Thanks Crane, it's always time for a Beasties re-set.)
We need to set up a betting pool, on how long it'll take until some SWAT genius decides to deploy a flash-bang monkey.
Good for the monkeys. Soon they will have their own caucus in the Senate.
What do you mean, "soon"?
Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!
Charlton,
yes, that's already been mentioned
Mind what you say, RC.
would a bullet proof jacket even prove effective at protecting a 3-8 pound monkey?
Funniest mental image I've had all night. Thanks!
joe said:
"I don't want to swat the monkey."
That explains it.
We must arm ourselves if we are to defeat the apes.
In S.M. Stirlings "Domination of the Draka" alternate history novels, the Draka genetically engineer a race of semi-intelligent baboons, called ghoulons.
"They make killer infantry."
I smell a sitcom!
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