No-Knock Jokes

John Derbyshire over at National Review's The Corner blog comes up with a couple of Hudson-inspired no-knock jokes. The first one actually made me laugh–your mileage may vary.

Comments

[kwais]

relates to the drug war listed below. I guess there could be a reason for a no-knock warrant without the drug war, but I can’t think of one off the top of my head.

[happyjuggler0]

My mileage varied. Thanks for the thought though.

Here’s mine:

Knock Knock.

Who’s there?

The Police.

Oh c’mon, everyone knows the police don’t knock. Who’s really there?

—-Ok, so that one’s not funny either.—-

[kwais]

I liked juggler’s no knock joke better than the NRO ones, you should submit it.

[thoreau]

Police don’t knock. But every breath you take, every move you make, they’ll be watching you.

[Pete Guither]

Knock, Knock

Who’s there?

Coroner.

Coroner who?

Coroner who’s been brought in now that the police are done surprising you.

[robert]

here’s the no knock joke

click: GET ON THE GROUND! GET ON THE GROUND! HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE ‘EM

AAAaaagh!

SHUTUP! GET ON THE GROUND! HANDS BEHIND YER HEAD!

AAAaaagh! what the… ugh.

[Marcvs]

With full government surveillance this wouldn’t be a problem at all. They would just know whether or not you are breaking the law.

I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.

[Nowhere Man]

No knock!

Who’s not there?

[crimethink]

The first one is just stupid. If anything, I’d be less enthusiastic about having a handgun ready on my nightstand if I knew that the thugs bursting into my home at midnight might be cops.

Not that I have any respect for thuggish cops, but I really don’t relish being treated as a cop killa.

[TWC]

Sorry Juggs, that WAS funny.

Now I’m off to the beach for a drink and some jazz.

[Ruthless]

Second TWC, Juggs.
heh heh

[Jacob]

HappyJuggler, this is slightly more snappy:

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Not the police.

[bleeding eyeballs]

sweet haploid jesus, can you people do something about that ghastly picture of coulter on the left there? i’m about to blow chunks here.

[Marcvs]

In a strange turn of events, SCOTUS overturns their previous ruling and lays out the new procedure for entering a suspect’s home:

Woman: [not opening the door] Yes?

Voice: (mumbling) Mrs. Arlsburgerhhh?

Woman: What?

Voice: (mumbling) Mrs. Johannesburrrr?

Woman: Who is it?

Voice: [pause] Flowers.

Woman: Flowers? From whom?

Voice: [long pause] Plumber, ma’am.

Woman: I don’t need a plumber. You’re that clever shark, aren’t you?

Voice: [pause] Candygram.

Woman: Candygram, my foot. Get out of here before I call the proper authorities. You’re the shark, and you know it.

Voice: I’m only a harmless dolphin…

Woman: A dolphin? Well…okay. [opens door]

[ she opens the door, as the shark pulls her screaming into the hallway ]

(courtesy: http://snltranscripts.jt.org/75/75djaws2.phtml)

[whit]

knock knock
who’s there?
“telegram”
“land shark”
“delivery”
um…

[Larry A]

Crash!

“What the”

Flashbang!

“heck?”

“Woof woof.”

“DOG!” PowPowPowPowPow! “DOG CLEARED!”

“Hey, you shot my”

“GET DOWN!/FREEZE!/I SAID GET DOWN!/I SAID FREEZE!” PowPowPowPowPow! “PERP CLEARED!”

“Daddy?”

PowPowPowPowPow! “Wait!/PERP CLEARED!”

“There wasn’t supposed to be a kid.”

“Uh. The warrant says West Apple St.”

“Oops.”

[cgee]

bleeding eyeballs, try Firefox with the AdBlock extension, and block that Coulter image permanently!

[Stevo Darkly]

– No knock.

– Who’s there?

– Not your dog anymore!