Raid on Denver Pot Club Illustrates Continued Intolerance of Marijuana Consumption Outside the Home

Jacob SullumJacob SullumLast week Denver police raided and shut down Maryjane's Social Club, one of the few places in Colorado, aside from private residences, where people could legally smoke pot. Or so it seemed. Maryjane's did not advertise and was open only to paying members, but in the eyes of Denver officials that was not sufficiently private. Rob Corry, a Denver attorney who is representing one of the club members cited for public marijuana consumption on Friday, argues that the city's compromise with the Colorado Symphony Orchestra, which allowed its "Classically Cannabis" concerts to proceed as invitation-only events, should apply to clubs like Maryjane's as well. "This is an identical situation," Corry told A.P. "It's not even close to being a gray area."

The city does not see it that way. Daniel Douglas, a lawyer who works in the Prosecution and Code Enforcement Section of the Denver City Attorney's Office, concedes that consuming marijuana in a genuinely private club would be legal. "If consumption is not public," he says, "then it is not against the law." But to qualify as a private club, Douglas says, an organization would have to satisfy the "balancing test" set forth by the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 3rd Circuit in U.S. v. Lansdowne Swim Club, a 1990 discrimination case. That test includes factors such as the club's selectivity, its history and mission, the formalities it observes, whether it advertises for members, whether its facilities are used by nonmembers, the control that members have over the club's operations, and whether the club generates profits for the people who run it.

Douglas notes that a Colorado appeals court applied the 3rd Circuit's test in a 1999 decision involving the Hide-A-Way Spa, an Adams County bath house "where nude female attendants provide[d] services to adult male customers," including "'finger-tip powder' rubs, saunas, and shared bubble bath or hot tub treatments." In an effort to escape state and local restrictions on "nude entertainment establishments," the spa's owners restyled it as a private club. The appeals court rejected that characterization, concluding that the spa, which was renamed the Phoenix Club, was in practice "open to the public," since it seemed that anyone who walked in and paid a $5 fee could become a member and thereby take advantage of the spa's services (which carried additional charges). The court cited ads for the spa in Denver-area newspapers, which "indicated that the establishment had been in business at the same location for over 19 years and gave no indication that it was a private club." It also noted that "the club did not keep an active roll of its members," that "there were no membership meetings or club activities as such," and that "the club did not really provide any services other than those involving a female nude entertainer." The court found that "the record supports the trial court's conclusion that defendants' attempt to pass off the Phoenix Club as a private club is a sham."

The city's position, I gather from Friday's raid, is that Maryjane's Social Club is likewise a sham. It's not clear where that leaves iBake, another Denver cannabis club (pictured above) that is also a tobacconist. This issue may ultimately be resolved in the courts as a result of challenges by the club members or managers. But the status of Maryjane and iBake as private clubs is relevant only if the city is correct that any marijuana consumption in a place open to the public violates a Colorado law that makes it a petty offense to consume marijuana "openly and publicly." Amendment 64, which legalized marijuana for recreational use, left that prohibition in place, saying decriminalization does not apply to "consumption that is conducted openly and publicly." But as I pointed out last week, the city's interpretation of that language makes it pretty difficult for people to exercise the rights protected by Amendment 64, especially if they are visiting Colorado and do not own or rent a home there. 

Addendum: Although iBake's address is listed as Denver, it is actually located in Adams County, just outside the city's limits.

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  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Imagine, out there in full view of everyone, even children. Smoking the marijuana. It's an all out assault on the delicate sensibilities of the Denver community. That raid was public money well spent, if you ask me.

  • Dances-with-Trolls||

    That raid was public money well spent generated, if you ask me.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    How dare you apply ugly motives to their pure efforts.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    "makes it difficult for people to exercise the rights protected by Amendment 64, especially if they are visiting Colorado and do not own or rent a home there"

    I'm guessing that's part of the point.

  • GILMORE||

    I've said this before, but cannot repeat it enough =

    with drug 'decriminalization', will come a slew of additional, ongoing 'regulations' into every aspect of human life, such that you will find far more *new* ways to break the law consuming an ostensibly 'legal' product than you did when you just bought the shit on the DL from 'that guy's friend with the beeper'.

    Any change to existing systems of coercion will always create opportunities to impose NEW methods of coercion in their place, and oftentimes the new ones reach further and deeper into people's lives than the previous onerous 'bans'.

    I'm not saying this makes the trend towards decriminalization bad; i do think however its something to always keep in mind as these things go forward, and how people should be prepared to talk about these issues with politicians/progs to ensure you don't give up more than you gain as far as civil liberties go...

  • Dweebston||

    Absolutely this. I knew in my heart of hearts that Colorado (and, probably, Washington) would bollocks up any decriminalization efforts with a mountain of red tape and enforcement peculiarities. Industry and commerce, and the retinue of desirable social effects they have, can only arise within a framework of legal stability. Attempting to hyperregulate all possible avenues in which legalized pot manifests itself only results in a very uneven legal field and neuters any attempt to normalize marijuana as a viable open-market commodity. Just disappointing, really.

  • prolefeed||

    Not really seeing any baby steps toward "any drugs legal anywhere with the consent of the owner" as a bad thing.

    If CO and WA bollock it up, you can still continue to buy weed outside the law.

  • Slammer||

    Tell me more about this "Hide-away-Spa"...

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    Ay, there's the rub...

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    OT

    "Five area cab and sedan companies on Thursday filed suit against Uber charging that the company is creating an anti-competitive environment that is hampering their ability to do business in Maryland and the region....

    "“Barwood welcomes competition in the taxicab industry,” said Lee Barnes, president of Barwood Taxi said in a press release announcing the action. “But it is impossible for our drivers to compete on a level playing field when Uber blatantly refuses to comply with the same rules as the rest of us, even when required to do so by the state.”"

    http://m.washingtonpost.com/bl.....-to-court/

  • Vulgar Madman||

    The state and the cab companies can go burn in hell forever.

  • GILMORE||

    " Uber blatantly refuses to comply with the same rules as the rest of us we implemented to stifle competition!"

    Isn't the issue that they create artificial scarcity by forcing the city to limit 'medallion' permits per year? And given that they've got the lion's share divvied up already, and only leak out a tiny handful per year to allow for some minor churn among the sub-10% independent medallion owners (self employed cabbies), that its effectively a 'Closed Shop'?

    Of course, actually *talking* about these details would require them to defend the existing crony system that they benefit from. So instead they simply characterize it as being "Markets Needs Rulez!!WE HAVE RULES HERE?!"

  • Brian D||

    More competition is anti-competition!!

  • Hyperion||

    Well, the cab companies will be backed by the most croniest of crony administrations in the country. We have a governor who spent millions of tax payer dollars to put his name on every road sign in the state. The Obama administration would blush at the level of cronyism here.

  • juris imprudent||

    But, but, but - look at all the jobs of changing the governor's name on all of those signs when the next one is sworn in? Or was O[Malley under the impression that those were a permanent feature? Maybe his one true legacy?

  • Rich||

    But to qualify as a private club, Douglas says, an organization would have to satisfy the "balancing test" [,which] includes factors such as the club's selectivity, its history and mission, the formalities it observes, whether it advertises for members, whether its facilities are used by nonmembers, the control that members have over the club's operations, and whether the club generates profits for the people who run it.

    Oh, FFS! Good thing marijuana is "legal", huh?

  • Rich||

    It also noted that ... "the club did not really provide any services other than those involving a female nude entertainer."

    And your point is ...?

  • Dweebston||

    It's exploitative for women to provide a service that men desire and to profit from it. The men paying women lucrative sums for their semiclothed company are exploiting the women who take the money and take off their clothes.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    Supreme Court, in emergency order, says Christian college will be exempt from the contraceptive mandate for the duration of a court challenge it is litigating. The three dissenters (the three lady justices) protest vehemently. Justice Breyer, who was in the dissent in the Hobby Lobby case, is in the majority to support this interim order.

    The dispute is over whether the college has to send a federal form to their insurer, in addition to the letter they've already sent to HHS. The Court says the order doesn't block the insurer from providing "free" contraception while the court proceedings continue.

    http://www.politico.com/story/.....08567.html

    The order and the dissent:

    http://sblog.s3.amazonaws.com/.....7-3-14.pdf

  • ||

    Notorious, do you have a vagina?

    If not, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!

  • cavalier973||

    I own my wife, does that count?

  • gaoxiaen||

    Take it easy, O.J.

  • OneOut||

    I don't have a Vjayjay but I do have a business.

    Do I get to speak on the topic ?

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    OT, but Greyhound is pretty awesome. Free WiFi on their buses!

  • NebulousFocus||

    "Greyhound is pretty awesome."

    Said no one ever. Congratulations on being the first.

  • gaoxiaen||

    Only $74 (and 7 hours) from West Chester, PA to Reading.

  • Irish||

    Congratulations on choosing the free market. I know how much you love your socialist Amtrak trains, comrade.

  • lap83||

    I took Greyhound a few times in my 20s to save money. It's great until you're seated next to Crazy McGroperson

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Huh, I have not had that problem. Now I feel so ugly!

  • cavalier973||

    D&D Next Basic Rules available for download, free of charge:

    http://wizards.com/DnD/Article.....basicrules

  • cavalier973||

    I think a better method of generating ability scores than the "roll 4d6, drop the lowest" is "roll 2d6 and add 6".

  • ||

    In Basic can you be a Human duel class thief/magic-user?

    Or do you still have to be some stupid elf or half-ling?

  • cavalier973||

    I'm reading the rules right now.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    So who are you going to rope into playing with you?

    Or is this just research?

  • ||

    Will it be an adventure designed for Chaoticly Good aligned characters?

    If he were looking for players to make up such a party Hit and Run would be the place for recruiting it.

  • cavalier973||

    You stand just outside the temple door. From within the ancient building, the sounds of chanting float out into the haunted wood: "Hope and Change...Hope and Change...". It's definitely the cultist home base, just like the Jacket foretold. There is a rustling in the nearby brush; a troll, nine foot tall and smelling like a bag of dead badgers, steps into the clearing. It shoves a meaty finger up one nostril and grunts. A tattoo on its arm reads "8 Percent". You've a feeling you've met this particular monster before. What do you do?

  • seguin||

    I cast Bigby's Forceful Doomcock.

  • ||

    I pull out a sheet of paper scribble on it and tell the troll that they are shares in berkshire hathaway stock and I will trade the shares for all his gold and silver.

  • seguin||

    I view myself as Chaotic Neutral. It's how I vote, at any rate.

  • Agammamon||

    Aaaah. The NE guy's get screwed over again.

  • cavalier973||

    Research, mainly. I am a 4venger who is really interested in playing "Torchbearer", but the latter game is quite complicated and I doubt anyone has the time and patience to read the rules, much less use them for play.

    These rules are sort of "meh", a lot of rehash from earlier editions. One of the things that stood out to me was a section describing "lifestyle rules", which the player uses to roleplay how extravagantly his character lives.

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    I really like the Basic Fantasy rules, with it's retro early 80's AD&D feel.

  • cavalier973||

    I think I've looked through them. I like the Microlite20/Microlite74/Microlite75 rules. They're free, and simple (only three or four attributes, spells cost hit points to cast, borrows heavily from OD&D for spell lists and such).

    Dark Dungeons is a retroclone of the Rules Compendium. Swords and Wizardry is a retroclone of OD&D.

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    I'm still trying to find a retroclone that I like of Star Frontiers or Top Secret.

  • cavalier973||

    The Basic Rules only detail the core four: Fighter, Cleric, Rogue, Wizard.

  • Dances-with-Trolls||

    Are we talking boxed-set throwback basic D&D here? That would be some serious nostalgia.

  • ||

    Sounds like a pared down version of it.

  • cavalier973||

    There is a Starter Set available. $20 price tag. Supports levels 1 to 5.

  • Dances-with-Trolls||

    Sounds like a slightly expanded version of the old red box set.

    Fuck I'm getting old.

  • cavalier973||

    The free "Basic Rules" only have rules for players; no monster stats or lists.

    The Wizard School included is Evocation. For the others (Abjuration, Necromancy, etc.), see the $50 Player's Handbook.

  • Dances-with-Trolls||

    That sounds more like the original AD&D players handbook, not real basic D&D then.

    /turns up nose, returns to polishing d100

  • seguin||

    Only Evocation? So it's not really a rulebook, it's a demo?

    I think I'd rather just pull out my AD&D 2nd ed stuff.

  • cavalier973||

    Yeah, pretty much just a demo.

  • Agammamon||

    They got rid of the dual/multiclassing restrictions in 3rd edition.

  • cavalier973||

    They're using characters from Dragonlance for examples. Interesting.

  • seguin||

    Ugh. Kender.

  • ||

    Yay. polymorphed-dragon/human sex.

  • seguin||

    I'm glad I don't remember that.

  • ||

    I'm glad I don't remember that.

    "Gilthanas & Silvara"

    I just looked it up...i forgot as well...He was a Half-elf not a human...she was a silver dragon.

  • cavalier973||

    Where do you think the dragonborn came from? Well?

  • cavalier973||

    When creating a character, you roll for a personality trait, a bond, an ideal, and a flaw.

  • cavalier973||

    Bagpipes cost 30 gold pieces and weigh 6 pounds.

  • cavalier973||

  • seguin||

    The injection of modern-day politics into everything continues.

    You should've seen the giant whiny "Where are the female characters?" thread in the Wh40K Eternal Crusade forums. So much butthurt.

  • Hyperion||

    D&D will send your chillins to hell!

  • ||

    OT:

    You gotta love Joan Rivers.

  • Rich||

    Now what?

  • Pathogen||

    "Gimme five bees for a quarter," you'd say. Now where were we... oh yeah

  • Rich||

    OT:

    You gotta love Trey Gowdy.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    "The Case for Mitt Romney in 2016

    "I’m absolutely serious.

    "By EMIL HENRY...

    "1. Romney is re-emerging as the de facto leader of the Republican Party....

    "2. There is no natural 2016 GOP nominee and the field is highly fractured....

    "3. All failed nominees other than Romney were career politicians....

    "[bio note] Emil Henry was assistant secretary of the Treasury under President George W. Bush and is now CEO of Henry, Tiger, a private equity investment firm."

    http://www.politico.com/magazi.....z36SamCdVT

  • Atanarjuat||

    "...[If you stick your head in the sand, and ignore Tea Party favorites] there are no natural 2016 GOP [mainstream RINO] frontrunners..."

    There, fixed

  • Smilin' Joe Fission||

    No late hours thread... lame.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Seriously. I'm on a damned bus hoping that Hit & Run can entertain me and so far only Eddie is trying!

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    It's the least I can do after you exposed me to all those bloodcurdling prog links last night.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bl9bvuAV-Ao

  • Wasteland Wanderer||

  • Rich||

    On a bus, huh? Here ya go!

  • Pathogen||

    "Seriously. I'm on a damned bus hoping that Hit & Run can entertain me"

    Are you being deported?

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Weekend in Phoenix. Although English was a second language to the majority of the people at the bus station in LA.

  • Pathogen||

    Soo.. then, you're being deported...

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Thanks guys, but Greyhound blocks YouTube and other video streaming sites, hence the boredom.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    Well, here's something -

    "John Adams, phone home! Henry Thomas, who played 10-year-old Elliott Taylor in “E.T. The Extraterrestrial” will portray the second president of the United States in an upcoming six-hour Revolutionary War miniseries, “Sons of Liberty,” airing on History."

    http://quincy.wickedlocal.com/...../140708556

  • cavalier973||

    I like it when forgotten actors get work again.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Cool. Of course Mr. Feeney himself William Daniels sits atop my list of best John Adams.

    Followed by Paul Giamatti, naturally.

  • seguin||

    Giamatti was pretty damn awesome as Adams. I had hoped they'd continue that series with Jefferson, but I'm guessing he's fallen out of favor with Hollywood types.

  • Rich||

    Bummer. So much for free Wi-Fi, I suppose. Well, from my experiences with Greyhound, "after midnight" passenger activities can get pretty entertaining.

  • seguin||

    So, no youporn?

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    "How George Washington Can Inspire Honesty In Kids...

    "Researchers from the University of Toronto found that children owned up to a mistake more readily when they heard a story that praised honesty. But listening to a story where a protagonist suffered for lying made little difference in a child's behavior. The research, recently published in Psychological Science, reveals that the fear of punishment may be a weaker motivator than the promise of praise....

    "To test the stories, the researchers shortlisted three classic tales: "Pinocchio," "The Boy Who Cried Wolf," and "George Washington and the Cherry Tree." A fourth story "The Tortoise and The Hare," which has nothing to do with lying and dishonesty, was used as a neutral control....

    "...Listeners who had peeked [at a forbidden toy] were three times more likely to confess after they heard about George Washington owning up to his deviant cherry tree chopping than after they heard about being eaten or shamed by a growing nose as punishments for dishonesty."

    http://www.insidescience.org/c.....-kids/1746

  • Rich||

    than after they heard about being eaten or shamed by a growing nose

    Modern kids are too sophisticated for this kind of crap. Sic Slender Man on 'em as punishment for dishonesty.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    How about:

    "and to punish little Timmy for lying, Daddy went out in the middle of a crowded sidewalk and started dancing and singing 'Gangnam Style.'"

  • Robert||

    When I 1st heard that story, my assumption was that his father was so impressed, he immediately took Geo. to the seat of gov't and persuaded people to install him forthwith as POTUS. As in, "This guy cannot tell a lie, so put him in charge."

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    Oldie but goodie: Vulgar video about George Washington

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7iVsdRbhnc

  • seguin||

    I still love that video. I've grown to like China, IL too.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    I've noted this story earlier today, but I'll note it again, for Serious.

    A professor says the period after "pursuit of happiness" in the Declaration of Independence doesn't appear in the original document.

    "“The logic of the sentence moves from the value of individual rights to the importance of government as a tool for protecting those rights,” Ms. [Danielle] Allen said. “You lose that connection when the period gets added.”...

    "“Are the parts about the importance of government part of one cumulative argument, or — as Americans have tended to read the document — subordinate to ‘life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness’?” said Jack Rakove, a historian at Stanford and a member of the National Archives’ Founding Fathers Advisory Committee. “You could make the argument without the punctuation, but clarifying it would help.”"

    http://www.nytimes.com/2014/07.....dence.html

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    Of course, no mention of Dr. Allen's role as academic gunsel for the Obama administration.

  • ||

    gunsel

    1. armed criminal: a violent criminal, especially one who carries a gun

    2. offensive term: an offensive term for a young gay man living with and supported by an older gay man

    Hmmm...

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    Isn't it an awesome word?

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Wow, that totally changes my views on Jefferson and the nature of government.

    Guess we should all become statists since the Declaration too is a living, breathing document!

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    I like how she stuffs the third clause of the sentence down the memory hole (That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness).

    Those anarchist Teabaggers!

  • Pathogen||

    But.. but.. ummm.. angry dead white guys..

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    And as Carl pointed out, let's not even bother to examine his other writings to see what he really thought about government. He certainly never said this:

    When the representative body have lost the confidence of their constituents, when they have notoriously made sale of their most valuable rights, when they have assumed to themselves powers which the people never put into their hands, then indeed their continuing in office becomes dangerous to the state, and calls for an exercise of the power of dissolution.

    Nope, totally not applicable to anything in Dr. Allen's precious government.

  • ||

    It's too bad Jefferson, his peers, and his/their intellectual influences wrote absolutely nothing that could shed light on what he meant.

  • Pathogen||

    NO. no.no.. they got this all screwed up, it should read:

    "Works on contingency? No! Money down!"

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    It's Florida Man's cousin, California Man!

    "Nurse Sentenced to 2 Years in Prison for Sex Acts With Woman's Corpse

    "A fellow nurse caught him with his pants down in a hospital room, prosecutors say"

    http://www.nbclosangeles.com/n.....wt_LABrand

  • Pathogen||

    Hey man, Florida gets a bad rap.. all the time. Nobody's from Florida, we import our lunatics and psychos just like everybody else... from NY and NJ.

  • Pope Jimbo||

    Holy Flying Spaghetti Monster! You organic, granola eating hippies in CA make me sick!

    Why do you insist on crazy shit like fresh free range dead people when you want to sex it up a bit?

    Look to the heartland to see what is right and normal: http://www.kcrg.com/news/local/51327922.html

  • Pope Jimbo||

    I forgot the money quote:


    This case created a stir across Wisconsin as the state discovered it does not have any law against necrophilia, that is sexually abusing a corpse. But the State Supreme Court ruled sexual assault laws apply even if the victim is dead.
  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Approaching Palm Springs, which features hundreds of wind turbines in the desert.

    I remember as a kid always pretending they were Imperial shuttlecraft from Star Wars. Now all I see are inefficient boondoggles.

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    Now all I see are inefficient boondoggles.

    Like the Death Star.

  • Rich||

    "Inefficient"?

    I thought those suckers were *good* at killing birds!

  • Pathogen||

    So good, they're issuing bird (eagle) killing permits now.. like hunting licenses, only.. for progressives

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Amazing what principles you can be discard if you have the right intentions.

  • Pathogen||

    Another website had quipped that, ironically.. one of the main reasons that DDT was banned was that it killed.. Eagles. Of course, the DDT ban-ers went on to do bigger and better things in places like sub-Saharan Africa, and the eagles? Well, fuck em if they can't take a joke.. progress stops for no one..

  • seguin||

    They're pretty efficient at funneling money to supporters.

  • Paul.||

    But to qualify as a private club, Douglas says, an organization would have to satisfy the "balancing test" set forth by the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 3rd Circuit in U.S. v. Lansdowne Swim Club, a 1990 discrimination case. That test includes factors such as the club's selectivity, its history and mission, the formalities it observes, whether it advertises for members, whether its facilities are used by nonmembers, the control that members have over the club's operations, and whether the club generates profits for the people who run it.

    A pretty unconstitutional ruling, in my humble opinion.

  • Pathogen||

    "..That test includes factors such as the club's selectivity, its history and mission, the formalities it observes, whether it advertises for members, whether its facilities are used by nonmembers, the control that members have over the club's operations, and whether the club generates profits for the people who run it."

    Sooo... KKK: yes, and Maryjane's Social Club: no?

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    "Nigerian atheist faces death threats after release from psychiatric ward

    "Mubarak Bala, who was forcibly committed for renouncing Islam, goes into hiding in region where sharia law holds...

    "Bala said he wants to leave northern Nigeria but first is trying to reconcile with his family, especially the father, two uncles and older brother who beat him up, drugged him and committed him to the psychiatric ward of Kano city's Aminu Kano teaching hospital....

    "Businessman Bamidele Adeneye, who had been corresponding with Bala about humanism through social media before he was committed, saw one of his desperate SOS messages and mobilised help through the #FreeMubarak Twitter campaign and the London-based International Humanist and Ethical Union.

    "Adeneye said he has also been getting death threats. "I'm getting calls from people who say 'Where do you live, we are coming to get you.'"

    "He helped organise assistance from Kano lawyer Muhammad Bello Shehu, who said he had been preparing to take Bala's case to court when the doctors discharged all patients because of a strike.

    http://www.theguardian.com/wor.....bala-islam

  • Irish||

    WaPo continues to lick the boots of power.

    It’s Malia Obama’s super sweet 16 on July 4, and if she’s anywhere as (un)lucky as Chelsea Clinton, she’ll be offered three cars. Then, her parents will respectfully decline the gift of every teen’s dreams.

    Chelsea is the only other first daughter in recent history to turn 16 in the White House. On that special day in 1996, Cincinnati’s WOFX sent one of its DJs to 1600 Penn in an old fixer-upper that read “Happy Sweet 16, Chelsea” on the hood, the Associated Press reported. Two other radio stations also called, wanting to gift the eager new driver some wheels.

    As for her parents, they’re reacting like pretty much every other parent of a 16-year-old. FLOTUS has called the idea of Malia driving “kinda frightening” and says neither she nor the president will give her lessons.

    LOL, those Democratic presidents! They're just like us, ya know?

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    Good thing Uncle Ted isn't around to give her driving lessons.

  • Bobarian||

    "So, how long can you hold your breath, honey?"

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Don't worry Irish, I'm sure post-presidency Malia will earn a job in the private sector, just like Chelsea did.

    Although perhaps Malia won't have to struggle with having broke parents like Chelsea.

  • seguin||

    So, this Hobby Lobby stuff makes me want to start another punk/indie band. Got a great name all picked out: "Free Shit Brigade". Awesome, right?

    sooooooooo bored.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    Bored on the Fourth of July?

    Unacceptable!

    Wake up!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmvG2ZiPfoo

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    The National Anthem, by the same artist

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAsbmoEt6rg

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    Artists!

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    The Mormon Tabernacle Choir - The Battle Hymn of the Republic

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFtNVEbasOo

  • seguin||

    goddamn, you must be as lame as I am...at home on a night off.

    :) lubs.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    I usually just sit at home listening to the lunatics setting off firecrackers in the street. At least I think they're firecrackers.

    But during the day I generally find some nice patriotic friends with a nice patriotic lunch.

  • seguin||

    One of my greatest firecracker memories is of my friend getting one of those big boxes of, I don't know what they are, mortars?, and setting it off - then we'd all jump over it in between firings. He burnt a lot of testicle hair that night.

  • seguin||

    Eh, sorry about that. I've been hitting the sauce at home.

    I think I'm an alcoholic (not really).

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    Would that make you...bad?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IyhJ69mD7xI

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

  • lap83||

    where are the patriotic puppy videos? I am disappoint.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    James Brown - Living in America

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6_o03YOm18

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    L L Cool J provides the background music to a Bruce Lee montage

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqwzTkb8j9I

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    American Girl (the Tom Petty song, not the doll)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YS3xOmI1Plk

  • Robert||

    I'm wondering what changes Maryjane's will undertake in their operation to comply with being a private place.

  • Paul.||

    I'm wondering what changes Maryjane's will undertake in their operation to comply with being a private place.

    Obedience.

  • Almanian!||

    Happy Fourth of Derp, fellow 'murcan Reasonoids! English friends and colleagues - Happy British Thanksgiving!

    Cheers

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    And to conclude, here is Dvorak's New World Symphony...no, just kidding, it's

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7R5A0pg4oN8

  • Hyperion||

    Happy 4th of July, you radical anarchist extremists.

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