Sex, Violence, and Cinnamon Regulations: The Brief Life of Voteman

youtube screencapyoutube screencapKids don't vote much and politicians don't like that. In an effort to persuade youngsters that voting is cool and getting your head ripped off by a roaring shirtless man is not, the Parliament of Denmark yesterday launched the most memorable youth vote campaign in memory. Unfortunately, their sex-and-violence fueled cartoon was pulled in under 24 hours.

The animation shows Voteman, a leather-clad hulk, participating in an orgy at the moment that duty calls. He tosses off three women fellating him and two others moaning, presumably just from being in his presence. Voteman penetrates the blowholes of two BDSM dolphins with his feet, rides to the European Union, and punches people into the ballot box for the European Parliament election on May 25.

The one-minute adrenaline rush crams in a back-story:

As a young man, Voteman forgot to vote at a European Parliament election. That taught him a painful lesson. No influence on climate regulation, agricultural subsidies, chemicals in toys, and the amount of cinnamon allowed in his cinnamon buns. Horrified by this, he decided he would dedicate his life to making everybody vote.

"We are trying to inspire the very young to go out and vote. It is important we get a higher turnout, especially among the young. You have to use all sorts of methods," said Morgen Lykketoft, speaker of the Danish Parliament. "I think [Voteman is] rather innocent. You can find much worse."

According to Financial Times, "a social media storm that had derided the sexist and violent nature of the video" caused the parliament to remove the video from its Youtube account and Lykketoft to backpedal on his endorsement.

The Voteman campaign is deliberately over-the-top, so it's not worth critiquing all aspects of its cheekiness, though the message at its core is troublesome. The video is aware of the ridiculousness of voting on and regulating everything. Yet, it embraces the notion that all things, down to dessert toppings, are within in the scope of government fiddling and that the only legitimate form of expression is one that validates the existence of this political authority to keep regulating.

Despite the European Parliament nearly tripling the number of member states since 1979, voter turnout has steadily dropped from over 60 percent to 43 percent. Lykketoft and others lament the political apathy of European youths, but is disillusionment with a system that treats them like children and barely represents them really a bad thing?

Here's what you've been waiting for. It's probably not safe for work:

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  • ||

    As a young man, Voteman forgot to vote at a European Parliament election. That taught him a painful lesson. No influence on climate regulation, agricultural subsidies, chemicals in toys, and the amount of cinnamon allowed in his cinnamon buns

    And the clip is statistically retarded as well. The painful lesson should have been "by forgetting to vote, VoteOrDieMan learned that his one vote has no actual influence on anything."

  • Auric Demonocles||

    I've met a couple of people who are the type to be really big assholes about people praying (even in the "Your sick kid is in my prayers" way) because it doesn't affect anything... While at the same time thinking that people who don't vote are doing something terrible.

  • Warren's Strapon||

    Actually, I think that might be the point. I could certainly see this being used as a "voting is absurd" clip.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    You know who else was befouled by violence and sex and also regulated cinnamon distribution?

  • Elizabeth Nolan Brown||

    No! But I'm dying to now

  • ||

    I bet you're dying to know, too.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    "dying to now" could make sense if she only just became dying to know.

  • Elizabeth Nolan Brown||

    That is, in fact, what I meant.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Of coooourse it is.

  • ||

    I bet you're dying to know, too.

  • PACW||

    I'm dying too, now.

  • flye||

    Al Swearengen

  • Free Society||

    "Woo, Swearengen, COCKSUCKA!"

  • Sudden||

    Gavin Rossdale of Bush on the song Everything Zen?

  • ||

    No sex in that violence.

  • ||

    STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT

    Bush is the fucking worst. No wonder you reference them so effortlessly.

  • ||

    My worstness is now a central part of your mind's landscape, whether you care or do not. Sorry dude. I've made up your mind.

  • Warren's Strapon||

    Better than Nickelback.

  • Roger the Shrubber||

    The Cinnabon Mafia?

  • sarcasmic||

    Anthony Bourdain?

  • Dances-with-Trolls||

  • Pro Libertate||

    Aren't you curious about that? I'm curious. I'm very curious. Are you curious?

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Paul Atriedes

  • Auric Demonocles||

    He who can destroy a thing, controls a thing. The spice must flow.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Dune, Arrakis, Desert planet.

  • Free Society||

    It was at that moment, Paul recognized a disturbing bulge in Stilgar's stillsuit.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Only in the movie.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    The Golden Path requires a threat of incredible power. I wonder where we could get something like that?

  • Pro Libertate||

    You have to be nobility in the Dune universe to have Family Atomics or, less frequently referenced, Family Asteroids and Comets.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    I'm pretty sure the Space Guild has access to big rocks and navigational equipment. The Atomics, possibly not.

  • BardMetal||

    The Space Guild has a monopoly on all interplanetary travel. If they want Atomics they can get them.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Actually, there's nothing about the Guild having nukes. And I'm not 100% sure their monopoly includes intrasystem travel, as you don't need FTL to do that.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Their monopoly is specifically over FTL. But that could easily be expanded if they want.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Who needs Atomics when you have directed kinetic weapons?

  • Pro Libertate||

    In the books, Herbert makes it clear that the Guild knew (via prescience) that it couldn't take direct power without it all falling to pieces.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Well, that's clearly a job for the regional governors.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Hasn't Lucas ripped off Dune enough already?

  • Auric Demonocles||

    All I'm saying is that a lasgun is too clusmy and random.

  • Pro Libertate||

    I'm going to send an old lady to, um, test you. Be sure you chew off your arm.

  • Ted S.||

    Warty?

    [scrolls down to see if this has been guessed already]

    Nope, doesn't look like it's been guessed.

  • Swiss Servator, CH yeah!||

    Louis XIV?

  • Acosmist||

    When people vote against the EU, they just do it anyway, so...maybe that has something to do with turnout?

  • kinnath||

    We need to return to poll taxes and competency testing for voting.

  • Sudden||

    How about proof of being a net tax payer instead of tax leech?

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Let's start with proof being who you say you are and work from there.

  • Sudden||

    I have it on good authority that such is the moral equivalent of lashing minorities with a whip repeatedly.

  • kinnath||

    Voter ID == Poll Tax and Competency Test in one package. If you ain't smart enough and don't have enough cash to get a state-issued ID, you should't be voting.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Actually Voter ID doesn't require cash, since it's always passed with the free IDs for poor people part.

  • kinnath||

    We can fix that.

  • Ted S.||

    Because the people here who masturbate to the collected works of Heinlein will wnat to exclude the military from that.

  • sarcasmic||

    That was awesome!

  • Pro Libertate||

    Some sort of pale knock-off of Warty Hugeman, who clearly skips leg day.

  • Sudden||

    pale knock-off of Warty

    Is Warty dark? Like African dark or like swarthy Middle Eastern man who calls everyone "my friend" dark?

  • Pro Libertate||

    Pale more in the haziness of the copy than in color. Warty is multi-hued.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    The timesuit is made of leather and studs?

  • Pro Libertate||

    What, you were envisioning some sort of body-engulfing power suit? Are you totally unfamiliar with SugarFree's oeuvre?

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    I thought at worst it would be some sort of crotchless singlet.

  • Loki||

    "We are trying to inspire the very young to go out and vote. It is important we get a higher turnout, especially among the young...

    ...because they're the only people stupid enough to vote for our paternalistic horseshit, like regulations on the amount of cinnamon in cinnamon buns." said Morgen Lykketoft, an epically stupid, stupid man.

  • ||

    No influence on climate regulation, agricultural subsidies, chemicals in toys, and the amount of cinnamon allowed in his cinnamon buns. Horrified by this, he decided he would dedicate his life to making everybody vote.

    I don't even get it. The first sentence says "voting is stupid," but the second sentence says, "we should force people to vote." I'm truly confused.

  • Dances-with-Trolls||

    It makes one feel less of a fool if everyone else is compelled to engage in the same foolish behavior?

  • ||

    Participation lends legitimacy. The reason they don't even care that they just said voting is stupid is because they don't want people to vote to make their voices heard, they want people to vote so that it rubber-stamps the politicians and their rules. "See? Lots of people voted for this. See how legitimate it is?"

    It makes perfect sense if you realize what their actual priorities are.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    I could see a way the first sentence is saying "voting is important"*, but I don't think they meant "If you don't vote, you will not be able to stop the people who do from making these type of retarded laws."

    *though it still requires you to ignore the actual statistical influence of your vote

  • Pro Libertate||

    "In every revolution, there's one man with a vision."

  • Auric Demonocles||

    "The line must be drawn here! This far, no further!"

  • Pro Libertate||

    I like that line. Picard losing his shit.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Trying to limit a man's synthamon will do that.

  • ||

    Well, it could say "voting is important," but only to anyone who thought the amount of cinnamon in buns was a matter for government regulation. And libertarians aren't exactly the lone constituency who would find that utterly retarded.

  • Pro Libertate||

    I want to have a vote about which pocket I should carry my wallet in.

  • ||

    Mine.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    It's the back-right, you savage.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Thank you for exercising the franchise. Just another 250 million votes to go.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    IF VOTETOTAL< 250 MILLION
    GOTO Auric Demonocles|5.13.14 @ 3:07PM

  • Pro Libertate||

    Don't bring your electronic fraud to my election, dude.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    This portion appears to be dead code.

  • Swiss Servator, CH yeah!||

    I also vote in Nikki's pocket. Hope you took all the ready cash out, Auric!

  • Auric Demonocles||

    We're talking about Pro Lib's wallet here. Why would I want some ancient copper coins?

  • ||

    I just moved mine to the back-left.

    It feels weird....but worth it to defy your tyranny.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    only to anyone who thought the amount of cinnamon in buns was a matter for government regulation

    But other people think it is, and I want to stop them from forcing their retarded views on me.

  • ||

    Ah, I see what you mean. Of course, that's never one of the options, so I didn't really think of it.

  • Robert||

    Well, whether the amount of cinnamon in buns is a matter for gov't regul'n is itself a matter for gov't regul'n.

    No matter how you balance the bun on top, it's people all the way down/opinion all the way down. Deciding whether to decide whether to decide whether to decide.... Or deciding who decides who decides who decides.... Or how to decide how to decide how to decide....

  • ||

    A more interesting ad would be the one where VoteMan attempts to start a cinnamon bun business only to get shut down because some group of retarded jerks decided that his buns had too much cinnamon in them.

  • ||

    Or not enough! There could be a VoteWoman who had that problem. And then a VoteChild with juuuuust the right amount.

  • ||

    And then you could have a riot, where people who prefer high-cinnamon buns wear red and face off against blue-wearing low-cinnamon advocates.

    If only there was some system that allowed each side to choose the level of cinammon they preferred independently.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    It's easier just to break people away from the choice habit that everyone has.

  • mr simple||

    The government gives you exactly the amount of cinnamon you need.

  • Riven||

    When I started reading this, I was envisioning the gang-fight from Gangs of New York. When I realized you were talking about our glorious two party system, I couldn't help but think I'd prefer the former.

  • Ted S.||

    VoteWoman would be the nanny shutting the business down for having the wrong amount of cinnamon in the buns.

  • radar||

    Sometimes something incredibly awesome is created in the service of something incredibly stupid.

  • ||

    The mind of the statist is a strange and stupid place.

  • Free Society||

    It's the mind of the vast majority of people, sadly.

  • Tim||

    I can't parody this.

  • ~Knarf Yenrab~||

    The Voteman campaign is deliberately over-the-top, so it's not worth critiquing all aspects of its cheekiness, though the message at its core is troublesome. The video is aware of the ridiculousness of voting on and regulating everything. Yet, it embraces the notion that all things, down to dessert toppings, are within in the scope of government fiddling and that the only legitimate form of expression is one that validates the existence of this political authority to keep regulating.

    Begin with the assumption that the state has absolute power, then decide whether you want democratic something-or-other or a king. That's the difference between a democrat and a monarchist.

  • Free Society||

    How about a vote on the eventual dissolution of political government?

  • Robert||

    That happens in polities with disincorporation votes. It often wins. And they disincorporate.

  • Tonio||

    Because for proggie/socialist types who don't believe in inalienable rights, the appearance of democratic approval is very, very important. Why, without robust voter participation you might have people questioning the legitimacy of the state, and we can't have that.

  • Free Society||

    Which is why we shouldn't vote. I'm on the fence about tax increase referendums...

  • tarran||

    I vote in those things; I figure my participation isn't going to make things worse so what the hell?

  • Robert||

    But the appearance of approval is there whether or not the actuality of approval is. You can do more to affect the actual approval than you can to affect its appearance. Seriously, don't you think that if the turnout in an election were 0.1%, the results would be treated legally as just as legitimate as if it'd been 99.9%? (Except in cases where fraud is credibly believed, I mean.)

  • guru||

    How was this sexist? Seriously?

  • BoscoH||

    Really, nobody has gone with "Vote or Die, Motherfucker. Motherfucker, Vote or Die." ??? You people disappoint me.

  • Robert||

    the message at its core is troublesome. The video is aware of the ridiculousness of voting on and regulating everything. Yet, it embraces the notion that all things, down to dessert toppings, are within in the scope of government fiddling and that the only legitimate form of expression is one that validates the existence of this political authority to keep regulating.


    No, all it's saying is that whether you like it or not, the EU does command those things, and that therefore you might as well use the only tool they allow you to do anything about it. And it's hilarious.

  • jdgalt||

    Even if yours were the tie-breaking vote, and even if the tied candidates were not Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber -- the European Parliament is a rubber-stamp body, not allowed to consider any bill until after the appointed Council of Europe has approved it.

    The only silver lining I see in this is that you might as well elect third-party and independent candidates to a toothless body like that. It will let you "test drive" them without letting them do any harm.

    If they suck, just keep re-electing them to that same rubber room.

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