The Ultimate Loser Winner Last Week Was Leviticus 20:13

Washington, D.C. libertarian activist Bruce Majors notes on Facebook that the Old Testament took it on the chin last week, when several states legalized gay marriage and marijuana use.

"If a man lays with another man he should be stoned," reads Leviticus 20:13 in Bruce's bible (go here for other translations). That's just gotten easier thanks to voters in Washington state (which legalized marriage equality and marijuana).

Washington was joined by Colorado in legalizing pot and by Maryland and Maine in passing marriage equality. Additionally, voters in Minnesota defeated an initiative to change the state's constitution to define marriage in exclusively heterosexual terms.

Majors, incidentally, pulled off a coup by pulling over 13,000 votes against incumbent Rep. Eleanor Holmes Norton (D-D.C.) in a race for Congress, thereby gaining the Libertarian Party guaranteed ballot access in the nation's capital through 2016.

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  • ||

    Yes, awesomely, libertarians manage to win ballot access for the one seat that doesn't actually get a vote.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    Sadly, not having a vote would be an improvement.

  • Bruce Majors for Congress (DC)||

    The DC Delegate to Congress votes on committees that oversee the federal government's relationship to DC and that oversee GSA. Her votes must have some influence on who gets federal property in DC and federal leases, because real estate developers, government sector unions, building unions, and related PACs give her $400,000 each election, in one past year $43,000 of it alone from the Studley Corporation, which develops office space for the federal government. In addition when Democrats control the House they take all the final votes on the Committe of the Whole, and they appoint Delegate Norton, a Democrat, to that committee.

    And secondly, my campaign won ballot status for the Libertarian Party for the next 4 years for all races in DC, from mayor to school board to city council to Gary Johnson 2016. Not just delegate.

  • Spoonman.||

    Good work.

  • Bruce Majors for Congress (DC)||

    Well thank you.

  • ||

    "If a man lays with another man he should be stoned,"

    If you want it to be as fun as possible, you definitely should be stoned. Why do you think they love coke so much?

  • ||

    Hey, man, don't knock it. You wanna get high?

  • Bruce Majors for Congress (DC)||

    Are you cute and single?

  • ||

    Always.

  • Bruce Majors for Congress (DC)||

    It is a holiday....

  • ||

    Not for me, dude. Not for me.

  • ||

    Italians can get as dark as the native american indian races.

    And as we all remember, for the Indian, every day is a holiday, as they gambol across plain and forest in their endless and carefree quest for...what the fuck was it they were always looking for? Quality sliders or something?

    Anyway you're Italian, which is kind of like being an Indian, which WI assured us lives in a continual holiday.

    So by the property of transferance, you live in a continual holiday.

    That's why I'm the scientist, and you're just a script kiddie.

  • ||

    Epis-arch-a, he's as black-a as a moulignon! Mama mia!

  • Bruce Majors for Congress (DC)||

    Do you two....know...each other?

  • ||

    That's a fascinating hypothesis, JJ. Almost as fascinating as your belief that Max Headroom was real and that New Coke was actually the cure for cancer.

    So, scientist, help me out. If I have a Dictionary, what is my performance hit at, say, 400,000 items?

  • ||

    Maybe Epi's gamboling accounts for his being high all the time. Those leaves you're munching? That ain't no oak.

  • ||

    A dictionary is only used to look up the meaning of words, you stupid asshole. Therefore the thing you wrote after it has no relation or relevance to the noun in that sentence.

    You can't fool me w/ a trick question like that!

    Actually after I wrote it, I thought the whole Italian-Indian-WI-holiday joke was a little strained and contrived, but being a good liberal, I doubled down and submitted it anyway.

    And Bruce, yes, Warty, Epi, and I "know" eachother, in the biblical sense. That's why it's topical to this thread. Topical like the ointment I have to use after "knowing" them.

  • ||

    How the fuck did you escape from your glory hole stall, anyway, Jimbo? You should be putting your pretty little hands to better use than typing on here.

  • ||

    SF helped me escape.

    Then he died from not being able to process sugar. What a fucking genetic loser.

  • ||

    Look, JJ, I told you that my viral load was up recently and you said you didn't care.

  • tarran||

    What are you using as keys?

    Because if you use binary versions of 2MB pornographic jpg's everything slows to a crawl.

  • ||

    What are you using as keys?

    Dicks. And lots of 'em.

  • ||

    It's using ints as the key. From everything I've read, the Dictionary's performance should be excellent. I'm just searching for anything that could explain our recent slowdown.

  • tarran||

    My guess is that there are two possibilities:

    1) The dictionary has gotten large enough that the table of key - value pointers is no longer being stored entirely in the memory, and your system is having to load page files to do the searching

    2) There number of writes and reindexing of keys is slowing reads down.

    Just a shot in the dark.

  • tarran||

    By the way, the solution is to hire me as an efficiency consultant, give me nebulous unquantifiable goals, allow me to telecommute and pay me large sums of money.

  • ||

    Wait. Max Headroom wasn't real?

  • SugarFree||

    Max Headroom was real in our hearts, Francis.

  • Enough About Palin||

    Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.

    - Jude 1:7

    This is New Testament, BTW, and if you use a Strong's Concordance and look up the word "strange" from this very instance, it is translated from the Greek word "hetero". Just saying

  • SugarFree||

    I had no idea "get a piece of strange" was a Bible reference. Nice.

  • Caleb Turberville||

    So, if Genesis were written today, would the equivalent of Sodom and Gomorrah be Minneanopolis/St. Paul or how about San Franscico/Oakland?

  • Almanian_||

    It was never the same after Gabriel left, so don't bother

  • tarran||

    Leviticus is a pattern that is occasionally instantiated in books.

    It cannot lose; It has no anima with which to experience a loss.

  • Randian||

    If it's the Living Word of God then it can.

  • C. Anacreon||

    "instantiated"

    Thanks for the new vocabulary-builder! Read H&R comments enough, and you can cancel your subscription to A Word A Day.

  • tarran||

    In a frustrated rage at the limitations of the controls bundled with Access for its user forms, I am now going to instantiate my fist in someone's face.

    Wish me luck!

  • Bruce Majors for Congress (DC)||

    For full credit, northern Virginian libertarian and Majors for Congress supporter Paul Blumstein found an anonymous and wordier version of this joke on the net and shared it with me, and I re wrote it to fit the Twitterverse.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    I wonder if Majors realizes that, long before his clever remark, traditionalist Jews had interpreted the capital-punishment provisions of the Bible as a Holiness Code which is basically unenforceable by the secular state?

    I assume he knows this, due to his superior cleverness and insight into traditional religions.

  • Bruce Majors for Congress (DC)||

    I am actually rather philo-Semitic, enough to be regularly attacked by the anti-Israel wing of the libertarian movement, since I believe some version of Israel would exist as a purely libertarian society, and it would probably face the same issues with theocratic tyrants it does now, and have to respond in similar ways. But thank you for your concern that the poor Jews would be wounded to the quick by a joke, against which of course they are utterly defenseless and out of their depth.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    So I guess this adds up to: No, he was *not* aware of the situation I pointed out?

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    "The death penalty is never abolished in Jewish law, but rather is so qualified 'as to make execution a virtual impossibility,' as Gerald Blidstein, a professor of Jewish law, comments: 'Jewish
    ct not by denying its conceptual moral validity but rather by allowing it only this conceptual validity.'"

    http://www.goshen.edu/mqr/past.....lousek.pdf

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    "Jewish law abolished capital punishment in fact not by denying" etc.

  • Bruce Majors for Congress (DC)||

    I don't give a lot of thought to how violent or not Jews were 5,000 years ago. It's clear in the subsequent years their religion has been far more liberal in the classical sense than Christianity (until very recently) or Islam. I think everyone knows that Judaism is a religion one chooses, as Ruth did, and can also leave without any violence, only shunning. I think you are straining to see me or this joke as an attack on Judaism. And are you suggesting an alternative history of the act of stoning where it wasn't violent? If so please share this exegesis immediately with the other purported children of Abraham.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    "I think you are straining to see me or this joke as an attack on Judaism."

    I think you are straining to hear such an accusation. I'm simply showing how even those with a strong claim to custody of these particular passages don't actually think they can be used to justify capital punishment by the existing secular state.

    And as for the rival claimants to the Old Testament legacy, I can't speak for the Muslims, but the Christians generally hold that the Levitical law has been fulfilled (even superseded). I know that there are some sectarians who are into literal application of Leviticus, though I doubt that all but a small group of your opponents hold that view.

  • Bruce Majors for Congress (DC)||

    Well that's nice.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    I see that the remark about Leviticus 20:13 being the ultimate loser came from Gillespie, not from you. My bad.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    (Your remark, I now observe, was a wee bit funnier than Gillespie's)

  • SugarFree||

    Yeah, it's almost as if there isn't a whole different religion that has a large contingent of people insisting on a literal interpretation of the Bible, of which the Old Testament is a part. Hmm... the name escapes me right now. I'll try to google it.

  • Bruce Majors for Congress (DC)||

    I don't give a lot of thought to how violent or not Jews were 5,000 years ago. It's clear in the subsequent years their religion has been far more liberal in the classical sense than Christianity (until very recently) or Islam. I think everyone knows that Judaism is a religion one chooses, as Ruth did, and can also leave without any violence, only shunning. I think you are straining to see me or this joke as an attack on Judaism. And are you suggesting an alternative history of the act of stoning where it wasn't violent? If so please share this exegesis immediately with the other purported children of Abraham.

  • ||

    This Eduaard guy's a total dipshit, Brucie. You're best off ignoring his sputtering retardation.

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    Just don't ask about Warty.

  • Bruce Majors for Congress (DC)||

    Always replying is one of my vices; I suppose sometimes that falls under casting pearls, or at least costume jewelry in my case, before....

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    Save that joke for replying to dunphy, it's funnier that way.

  • SugarFree||

    I like that the Chick Tract didn't leave out the part where Lot offered his daughters to the crowd for a thorough raping. A lot of people like to mumble past that.

    You stay classy, Old Testament.

  • ||

    But he did it in self defense.

  • SugarFree||

    They were just daughters, after all. Plenty more where that came from, unless your wife is curious.

  • Randian||

    I am still scratching my head over the fact that the crowd wanted the angel, though.

  • SugarFree||

    Once you go angel, you never go back, baby.

    But yeah, I figured they were like Ken dolls in the underwear region.

  • Randian||

    Dogma was not a documentary, SugarFree. How many times do you have to be told?

  • SugarFree||

    I find my scripture where I can, heathen.

  • nicole just can't even!||

    I have it on good authority from Madeleine L'Engle that angels were super sexy.

  • SugarFree||

    Rowr.

  • Drake||

    I was always a big Genesis 38 fan. It has Onan jizzing on the ground whenever he nails his sister-in-law. Then Judah thinks she's a hooker and knocks her up. Awesome family story.

  • ||

    You know who else had a lot (hurr) of daughters? Jack Chick knows who!

    "Jesus calls this false church the Great Whore and Mother of Harlots. She has many daughters."

  • SugarFree||

    He goes after Freemasons for Ba'al worship? I thought they had the Holy Grail. Let's get the Holy Grail back from those damn Ba'alistas!

  • ||

    Everyone loves Chick tracts!

    Holy shit, that picture's the best thing I've seen all day.

  • SugarFree||

    "Chick Doucheland" would be a great name for a roller-derby team.

  • ||

    You shouldn't talk about your own mom like that, Dagny. Or were you talking about NutraSweet's mom?

  • Randian||

    Wait...wait...the Pope created Islam to win Jerusalem for the Church and then sent the Catholic armies against its own army to...do what exactly?

    Jack Chick needs to die. Painfully.

  • SugarFree||

    No, he needs to live and have his work spread far and wide. Chick Tracts should be taught in school. They contain every logical fallacy ever conceived of, and might have invented a few.

  • Randian||

    I mean, I don't think it was the Presbyterians who were yelling Deus Vult in the 1100s.

  • SugarFree||

    I don't get hating on Catholics. They gave us "technical virgins" Catholic schoolgirls, FFS. Give every pope ever a Nobel Prize for that.

  • Rasilio||

    Don't forget knocking them both up after keeping them in a cave for so long they became desperate for any man and raped him.

  • robc||

    I think one of the biggest problems with (especially) OT interpretation is people assume that the "main" characters are acting in ways that God approves of.

  • SugarFree||

    But I think it's hard to overlook Lot's actions considering he was the only person worth sparing in Las Vegas Sodom and Gomorrah. It gives an implicit stamp of holiness to his actions.

    Besides, the angels were really aliens and "brimstone" was a nuclear weapon to wipe out evidence of their genetic experiments on humans.

  • Cavpitalist||

    What about where God is instructing his people to slaughter and enslave whole races?

  • Rick Santorum||

    Hey, Reason, might not want to alienate the conservatives who support your cause. The newest wave of college "educated" progressives are socialist totalitarians to the bone. Snarking on the Bible is a good way to lose what little traction you have with Republicans.

  • ||

    Ooh ooh! They shouldn't alienate the liberals who might like less war, so Reason shouldn't write anything about economics either. Everybody wins!

  • Zeb||

    Tough shit, cumfarts. The Old Testament glorifies violence and genocide.

  • BelowTheRim||

    I have a real problem with the current Reason/Libertarian take on government vs. Christanity.

    Why do some many L/r types want to aleinate their allies who believe in God. Why ostracize political allies with strong religious beleifs? I understand vittrol towards those who want to legislate their religion for everyone and trample the 1st amendment but this is totally different.

    It pisses me off that Nick here (and he is not the only one) selectivly quotes scripture that is one sided and frankly outdated by the New T. His quote is so out of context with how most Christians would act towards gay people. Even the most Santorum-like Neo-Con wouldn't suggest Gays be stoned to death. Problem is, it seems, that you don't believe in God therefore any religious ide (whether expressed as a personal view, or a view for government force) must be contradited even if the contradiction no longer holds water within the cited religion.

    Jesus spewed anger and resentment at government officials all the time. They were the high priests who wanted to govern via Jewish religious laws and an iron fist toward offenders.

    Understand the teaching of free will and that there are many religious types that simply want government out of all religious issues without shaming their own beleif system.

    Unbelievable that many of you still refuse to dileneate government out of defining marriage all together vs. Gay marraige recognition FROM government.

    Critical thinking is optional this monday

  • Bruce Majors for Congress (DC)||

    Honey, its a joke. What kind of Christian are you? A Mary Dalyite?

  • Caleb Turberville||

    "it's a joke"

    What Bruce said.

  • ||

    Cool story, bro.

  • Caleb Turberville||

    If you've heard Gillespie on his "apatheism", you know that Nick just plainly doesn't care one way or the other about the beliefs of Christians or other religions.

    I think you need to interpret this article as Nick's vitriol against lawmakers who use religion to support government control over our lives.

  • BelowTheRim||

    That's now how he wrote it.

    IF he thinks that way, he should describe it as such. It isn't difficult to make that distinction but so often L types refuse to do this.

    His post reads much more as a shot at Christians rather than a shot at Governing by religion and that pisses me off.

  • Caleb Turberville||

    Dude, there's no sense getting worked up about a stupid pun Bob Dylan made famous in 1965.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tJwjx16d0ew

  • ||

    I read it as a shot against bigotry and idiocy. That's probably why it bothers you.

  • BelowTheRim||

    Those are the kind of accusations I received from liberals in college who were mentally incapable of deciphering a difference between religious ideals and whether or not they should be applied to laws that affect all citizens.

  • ||

    That's nice. It still sounds like you're either a bigot or an idiot. Kudos to rejecting it as a basis for laws, though.

  • ||

    Hey, look, it's a cultist with no sense of humor. Never seen one of them before.

  • BelowTheRim||

    So foolish.

    you get as angry as anyone on here and resort to name calling often to quite often if not daily.

    I simply expressed a serious opinion of mine in a controlled way. If you can't handle that then that is a you problem.

  • ||

    OK, now I'm sure it's trolling. Anonbot writes better than this.

  • ||

    Maybe that is-a you-a problem-a! Mama mia!

  • ||

    Why do you persist in hurting the delicate, precious feelings of filthy wops, Warty? Sabotaging libertarian goals and aleinating motherfuckers left and right? I THOUGHT SO.

  • ||

    What are you, Irish?

  • ||

    I-a simple-a just wanna give-a me opiniones and a-make-a da pizza! And-a you-a gonna make-fun a me and-a call me name-as! Go fungula youself-a, pezzo de merda!

  • ||

    Wow, your fake Italian is just terrible. That's-a spicy meat-a-ball.

  • ||

    I'll have you know that I have studied the fake Italian tables extensively, you uneducated fool. I almost certainly make more money with my fake Italian than you do with yours.

  • ||

    Spaghetti ravioli canola tutti frutti.

  • ||

    What are you, Irish?

    Evidence of the Patriarchy: O'Brian and Keiko's daughter already carries his stupid filthy mick last name, so why in the fuck did she have to have a mick first name, also? Shouldn't Keiko's hertiage have a bone thrown it's way? (aside from the bone I'd like to throw Keiko's way, if you get my drift. Huh? *nudges you in the ribs w/ my elbow* Huh? You follow me dudes? I'm saying I want to have sex with her.)

  • nicole just can't even!||

    Keiko's heritage gets the more valuable, male bone (no, not yours) thrown its way in the form of Yoshi. Who also has to be quasi-Bajoran, but that was just stupid.

    I mean really, do you think Miles is the one wearing the pants in that marriage? My boyfriend actually hates watching Keiko-heavy episodes because he's that terrified of what a controlling bitch she is. But she's super cute.

  • ||

    1) Yoshi is actually an insult to her heritage, b/c they're naming her kid after a fucking video-game dinosaur that would have been well-known and liked during that time period.

    2) The only Keiko-heavy episode I liked was the one where she and the mick got married, b/c it was one of those "Haha look at stupid Data trying to fit in" episodes, which were always good for mindless enjoyment.

  • ||

    It is almost like you insensitive dolts don't realize there is a LITERAL War on Pizza. Why, this beleaguered demographic is not even allowed to say "Marinara" anymore. So you can understand how hurt their feelings get when they are subject to mockery.

  • ||

    The Flying Spaghetti Monster will punish us all for allowing His most beautiful creation, deep dish pizza, to be scorned in favor of the graven image of thin crust.

  • ||

    Next they will be taking the deep dish out of the schools, the courthouses, where does the persecution end? WHY FSM, WHYYY?

  • ||

    What is this "deep dish"?

  • ||

    The most holy sacrament. REPENT, HEATHEN!

  • An0nB0t||

    Your mother's a whore, Dagny T.!

  • ||

    Unbelievable that many of you still refuse to dileneate government out of defining marriage all together vs. Gay marraige recognition FROM government.

    As far as I know everyone here supports removing government from marriage. When it exists, however, we support it being accessible to everyone.

  • Bruce Majors for Congress (DC)||

    The argument that one must always bore every reader or voter to death by explaining in laborious detail that libertarians do not favor gay marriage or marriage equality because we do not believe in state defined marriage was the dumbest riff I heard entre nous in this election cycle. I might have to initiate aggression against the next dumb cluck faux radical who sat on her or his ass during my or Gary's or etc. campaign while carping on this. One so called libertarian in DC has been making a near homophobic claim that my "buddies" voted the LP ballot status because I promised "government bennies" i.e. I used the phrase marriage equality once or twice. Precinct analysis shows that the Libertarian Party got nearly 20% of the vote in DC, not in the gayborhood, but on Capitol Hill near Lincoln Park and Stanton Park where two of the variables are 1) maybe a fourth of the voters there are Republicans with no candidate of their own to vote for, and 2) their literal neighbor is Delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton, who apparently has a foul mouth and a nasty personality.

  • NoVAHockey||

    Perhaps they have confused Norton for Jim Moran.

  • Rasilio||

    "Even the most Santorum-like Neo-Con wouldn't suggest Gays be stoned to death."

    Oh really?

    Shall I introduce you to my family sometime?

  • ||

    Seriously? If so, I feel for you, man. Really.

  • Rasilio||

    Yes seriously, My brother is the "realist" of the family and he is so conservative that the Hampton Roads Tea Party has just about banned him from their Facebook page.

    My Father advocates for the legalization of murdering homosexuals and my sister has not spoken to me in over a decade because she fears I will be a bad example to her children (being an athiest who divorced and both of my wives were neopagans) but last I heard she had 10 children and was an active member of the quiverful movement. She also homeschools to shield her children from dangerous secular influences like Winnie the Pooh (yes I am serious)

  • ||

    Well shit. How did you get out of that?

  • Rasilio||

    Funny story actually.

    Growing up my family was basically areligous. I mean if you asked them my parents would have said they were Christians but my Father was one of the last people excommunicated from the Catholic church for marrying after a divorce and until I was 10 we had never set foot in a church for any reason save family weddings.

    Then some people knocked on our door one Saturday and offered to bus us kids to a church and back every Sunday. Well what parent will pass up 4 hours of free babysitting every Sunday morning.

    For a while I really bought into the Fundie church's message and made it a point to get my parents "saved" but just as I was starting to succeed I started to think independently and stopped believing.

    Over the years I became an athiest libertarian and the rest of my family just got more and more ridiculously conservative in every way imaginable

  • Bruce Majors for Congress (DC)||

    Maybe just legalize hunting season for homosexuals. With the right preparation some of them are delicious.

  • Zeb||

    There are plenty of regulars on here who are sincere Christians and seem to do just fine.

  • ||

    Some of the stuff I've read suggested that the evil in the story was supposed to be rape, not homosexuality. I don't know how widespread that interpretation is, though.

  • ||

    What's this DC statehood shtick, Majors? More blues in Congress ain't something that be soundin' like a thing conducive to improvement in our country!

  • Bruce Majors for Congress (DC)||

    I never really pushed for statehood in my campaign. I advocated ending federal income taxes for DC residents since they have no Senator, like Puerto Rico.

  • 21044||

    On this Veterans Day, a hardy Bravo Zulu to Bruce Majors.

    I don't want you to be successful in your goal of Washington DC statehood, but anything or anybody that makes life more difficult for the Washington DC pols (in this case, I mean the locals pols) deserves a well-done.

    Status quo or back to Maryland's fold are the only choices available.

  • Tulpa (LAOL-PA)||

    Or move the capitol to Kansas City and make DC part of Puerto Rico.

  • Bruce Majors for Congress (DC)||

    You can check out all the versions of display ad I ran in local weeklies in the right column side bar on my campaign blog at www.Majors4DC.blogspot.com. Each lists three issues Nd statehood is not one of them in any ad.

  • Bruce Majors for Congress (DC)||

  • Tulpa (LAOL-PA)||

    How does gay marriage make homosexual sex more likely? Straight marriage has the opposite effect, after all.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    This is a good point. I don't think it is gay marriage they should be concerned with, it's a "Fifty Shades of Gay", judging from my girlfriend's attitude when I showed up to bring her to dinner Saturday after she had been reading the straight version all day.

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