Floridian Steals Neighbor's Obama Signs, Cites Neighborhood Safety Concerns

A neighborhood-oriented thief in Sarasota has written a postcard to a neighbor to explain exactly why her Obama signs have been repeatedly removed from her lawn. It is not, as might first be expected, vandalism. Rather, the anonymous thief explained, the signs were removed for the sake of public safety. Burglars apparently view residences with signs showing support of left-leaning candidates as easy pickings.

The thief explains:

When thieves drive through Sapphire Shores scoping out possible targets and see pro-Democrat yard signs they automatically assume that the subdivision is filled with retards and half-wits.

The thief goes on to explain that potential intruders view Democratic supporters as not just retards, but unarmed retards:

It is common knowledge amongst burglars that Democrats are anti-gun and anti-second amendment so when they see campaign signs that promote Democrats they know the homeowners are not armed and therefore unable to protect themselves from attack. 

The note was written on a postcard featuring portraits of Obama and Reagan, with the word “Hero” written under the latter, and “Zero” under the former. It is signed “Bat Masterson.” Ms. Green, the owner of the missing Obama signs, was understandably a little creeped out:

It was scary and it was creepy, because the person says they lived around the corner from me.

Reason will be keeping an eye on whether the candidate being supported by “retards and half-wits” or by “Bat Masterson” will prevail in Florida. You can keep track of our live tweeting of tonight's results on our blog from 7:30pm ET. 

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  • John||

    When thieves drive through Sapphire Shores scoping out possible targets and see pro-Democrat yard signs they automatically assume that the subdivision is filled with retards and half-wits.

    Nice.

  • NeonCat||

    Why wouldn't they think houses with Repub signs are owned by wealthy plutocrats with more to steal?

  • Julio Cesar Samper Uribe||

    If those wealthy plutocrats are also NRA members, that can cause some complications for the burglars.

    Just saying.

  • Anonymous Coward||

    All Rethuglicans are gun-toting serial killers who masturbate to Sarah Palin's tits. Don't you watch Jon Stewart?

  • Paul.||

    Wealthy plutocrat with more to steal, but is armed with Assault Rifles(tm), or a wealthy yuppie running a non-profit who's completely unarmed and has "a duty to flee"?

    Choice seems pretty obvious.

  • Ptah-Hotep||

    So the short version is an asshole trying to make an excuse for being an asshole.

  • sarcasmic||

    It is common knowledge amongst burglars that Democrats are anti-gun and anti-second amendment so when they see campaign signs that promote Democrats they know the homeowners are not armed and therefore unable to protect themselves from attack.

    Maybe in the burbs, but in the sticks everyone's got guns. Even the Democrats.

  • mad libertarian guy||

    Which is why gun owners needn't worry about them taking our guns.

    In the country, you are dead politically if you're anti-gun.

  • OldMexican||

    Burglars apparently view residences with signs showing support of left-leaning candidates as easy pickings

    Oh, fiddle dee dee! Why would a person think that? Just because lefties have shown to have a sick aversion to guns is no motive to think that burglars....

    .... Hmmm.....

  • Paul.||


    When thieves drive through Sapphire Shores scoping out possible targets and see pro-Democrat yard signs they automatically assume that the subdivision is filled with retards and half-wits.

    It is common knowledge amongst burglars that Democrats are anti-gun and anti-second amendment so when they see campaign signs that promote Democrats they know the homeowners are not armed and therefore unable to protect themselves from attack.

    That's pretty fuckin' good. I remember suggesting an anti-gun person put a sign on their home reading: "Owner unarmed. No guns on premesis."

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    I don't understand what yard signs buy you, so I don't understand what stealing yard signs buy you, either.

  • Paul.||

    More yard signs.

  • ||

    Uh, they buy you being able to announce to your fellow morons what TEAM you're on. Why are you so dense?

  • mad libertarian guy||

    Uh, they buy you being able to announce to your fellow morons what TEAM you're on.

    This.

  • Enough About Palin||

    A lot of them are hung on two pieces of rebar.

  • The Last American Hero||

    Economic stimulus if you are in the printing industry.

  • Brett L||

    Huh. I guess my neighbor who suddenly had a half dozen Obama signs (with Obama-Biden X-ed out) to go with his Republican for Congress sign is just doing his neighbors a favor. I think its a bit of an asshole move, but he's early 20s and has a renter about the same age. I guess that's when you do stupid shit like steal political yard signs.

  • ||

    Disgusting. I don't like this crap when it's aimed at people I hate, any more than I like it when it's aimed at people I like.

    And I know quite a few registered dems with guns. This is Texas, after all.

  • Virginian||

    If he'd have left the signs, but written the note, it would have been a lot cooler.

  • Zeb||

    Yeah, this is a dumb stunt. Calling your political opponents "retarded" is, well, retarded. And stealing people's stuff is bad.

    I've got no problem with people removing signs from the side of the road. As far as I am concerned that is just removing litter. But taking signs off of (or putting them onto) someone's lawn is just plain theft/vandalism.

    And I am sure Florida has plenty of Democrats with guns.

  • Randian||

    I don't approve of the act, but I thought the "retards and half-wits" thing was rather funny, myself. Then again, it could be the cadence of the voice I have in my head that makes it funny.

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