Crime Squad 3: Cherries, NASA, & Popcorn

Enforcing all the laws, all the time.

Meredith Bragg and Austin Bragg | 10.21.2022 10:35 AM

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The crimes are real, the cops are puppets, and the criminals are everywhere.

Written and produced by Meredith and Austin Bragg.

Sources: cherries; NASA; popcorn
via https://twitter.com/CrimeADay

NEXT: Chris Rufo's Battle To 'Stop Woke'

Comedy Overcriminalization Crime Police NASA Food Labeling Food

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SQRLSY One 4 years ago

Also, peons, be ye warned NOT to blow (in an unauthorized manner) on cheap plastic flutes!!!!

To find precise details on what NOT to do, to avoid the flute police, please see http://www.churchofsqrls.com/DONT_DO_THIS/ … This has been a pubic service, courtesy of the Church of SQRLS!

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1. evailu 4 years ago (edited)
  
  Great article, Mike. I appreciate your work, I’m now creating over $35400 dollars each month simply by doing a simple job online! I do know You currently making a lot (ks-13) of greenbacks online from $28000 dollars, its simple online operating jobs
  ...
  Just open the link——————–>>> http://Www.TopCityPay.Com
  
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Brian 4 years ago

That’s hilarious! Everything is more funny with puppets!

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1. Á àß äẞç ãþÇđ âÞ¢Đæ ǎB€Ðëf ảhf 4 years ago
  
  Putin has fun with Belorus's puppet, the LA unions are having fun right now with their puppets.
  
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  1. Dace Highlander 4 years ago
    
    The White House is having a really fun time with the old man Muppet puppet right now.
    
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Unicorn Abattoir 4 years ago

the cops are puppets

But who's pulling the strings?

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Dillinger 4 years ago

but I'm already in custody lol

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1. Dace Highlander 4 years ago
  
  Yes! That was my favorite line from this one.
  
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Diane Reynolds (Paul.) 4 years ago (edited)

You know what age and wisdom taught me? Enforcing all of the laws some of the time is even worse.

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1. Briggs Cunningham 4 years ago
  
  Enforcing none of the laws none of the time is the worst of all. Watching the news from Chicago, Portland, and San Francisco taught me that.
  
  While there are certainly valid points to be made about the dangers of over policing, I don't think in the midst of an exploding murder and violent crime rate is a good time to make them. Reason is, however, nothing if not a one note publication.
  
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  1. Overt 4 years ago
    
    "Watching the news from Chicago, Portland, and San Francisco taught me that."
    
    No. Chicago, Portland, San Francisco, etc showed you exactly what DRP said: the danger of enforcing laws selectively.
    
    Wanna run a business or build a building in San Francisco? Go get your lawyer. Want to steal all the shit out of that business, and shit in front of the building? Have at it.
    
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    1. Briggs Cunningham 4 years ago
      
      Fair point.
      
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    2. sarcasmic 4 years ago (edited)
      
      When the police cut back on enforcing the law, the first thing to go is crimes with victims.
      
      Meanwhile they keep on enforcing victimless crimes, because that’s how they line their pockets.
      
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  2. Rossami 4 years ago
    
    "I don’t think in the midst of an exploding murder and violent crime rate is a good time to make them" would be a valid point if we were in the midst of such a trend. Thankfully, we are not. What we are seeing is a relatively modest up-tick in a long-term declining trend.
    
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    1. TheReEncogitationer 4 years ago
      
      Yeah, but since the reporting mechanism is all higgledy-piggledy, how do we know this anymore?
      
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  3. markm23 4 years ago
    
    If we _were_ "in the midst of an exploding murder and violent crime rate", it would still be a good time to have the cops concentrate on the crimes with actual victims, rather than the ones that are "crimes" only because some power-grabbing official defined them as such.
    
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2. BestUsedCarSales 4 years ago
  
  I think this is some Burkean wisdom. I really fear this is how we've gotten to the point where we have an unknowable amount of laws, that are often not enforced... until they are.
  
  I don't know how to to deal with it though. There has almost never seemed to be some political will to go back and modify or remove old laws. Like, Coolidge did yeoman work like this. He was better than we could ever hope for again though.
  
  Also, the new Coolidge biography is really good. I recommend it. He's basically the conservative/libertarian hero as president.
  
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  1. BestUsedCarSales 4 years ago
    
    Whoa, this biography is 8 years old. Man, I am behind the curve on this shit. Wow.
    
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    1. Sometimes a Great Notion 4 years ago
      
      His autobiography is also a good read.
      
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      1. Libertariantranslator 4 years ago
        
        "The Talkative President" is a most useful compendium of Coolidge wit. There he explains treaty constitutionality to reporters decades before Tricky betrayed us by signing the ABM treaty. It took 56 years for the Coolidge doctrine to appear in American Defense, the newsletter of the Libertarian Defense Caucus.
        
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        Sometimes a Great Notion 4 years ago
        
        Thanks, just ordered it.
        
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  2. Libertariantranslator 4 years ago
    
    Nothing musters political will like LOSING an election thanks to Libertarian spoiler votes. (https://bit.ly/3QpGuKk)
    
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    1. n00bdragon 4 years ago
      
      If you want to earn libertarian votes, try running a more libertarian candidate. No party is "owed" your vote. They have to earn it. When they don't earn it, they don't get it.
      
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Unicorn Abattoir 4 years ago

"It's a federal crime for an employee of the U.S. Popcorn Board to leak confidential popcorn information"

How about orange juice futures?

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1. Dace Highlander 4 years ago
  
  FROZEN orange juice futures mister!
  
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mad.casual 4 years ago

How can there be a republican mermaid? It just doesn't make sense. Humans drown in water and the wider parts of the ocean, and even the land, don't provide enough food for people to just waltz through them. It's phenomenally complicated, even today, for humans to navigate successfully over land masses. But merfolk, since forever, have been able to circumnavigate the globe just by swimming. There would be no geographically-divided publics to represent!

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1. Dace Highlander 4 years ago (edited)
  
  Republican because she’s…not black. See the new re-woke Mermaid.
  
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Stuck in California 4 years ago

This one was subtle. A republican mermaid -- because she's white. Great sneaky shot at Disney race baiters there.

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Libertariantranslator 4 years ago

These and Brickbats (with Bagge art) are fast becoming my favorite Reason features.

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Utkonos 4 years ago

You know who else put some pretty outrageous laws on the book?

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1. Emotional Support Golem 4 years ago
  
  Caligula?
  
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  1. Utkonos 4 years ago
    
    Caligula and Catherine The Great don’t count—they were just horsing around!
    
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2. Emotional Support Golem 4 years ago
  
  Moses?
  
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voluntaryist 4 years ago

If you vote, you have had your say. Complaining is useless. You gave away your political power when you chose a rep. All you can do is obey your rep's laws, by your own choice. You no longer run your life. You assimilated yourself!

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1. Dace Highlander 4 years ago
  
  I'm reminded of the ending montage of Rush's 2112.
  
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TheReEncogitationer 4 years ago

Hell, judging from the wardrobes of my clientele, I thought all NASA was good for anymore was selling gear with it's logo on it. 🙂

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