Democratic Debate IV Part II: It Hurts Worse Than Alice Cooper's Disappointing 1987 Album Raise Your Fist And Yell

Part one here.

8:13: What was that ad? A preview of the channel breaks once the Hillary Administration (2009-Ragnarok) brings back the Fairness Doctrine?

8:15: Let's cancel the election and make Mike Gravel president.

8:17: If John Edwards had a better teacher he wouldn't have to resort to that damn mill worker story whenever he's in a jam.

8:18: GWAR?

8:19: Ah, it was too much to hope that Richardson would endorse vouchers. He endorses, instead, the "Into the Groove" curriculum. ("You can DANCE! For inspiration!")

8:19:30: Biden: "I have great faith in Ted Kennedy." That's the problem with Democrats: A little thing called the First Commandment.

8:20: Edwards has four kids, they all went to public school. And it was next to a mill.

8:21: Yes, I believe Hillary Clinton when she says it was agonizing to send her daughter to public school. You Democrats really want to nominate… this?

8:23: In the next debate, Sam Brownback will kill Ann Laird behind the barn with a dull ax.

8:24: Elizabeth Edwards really needs to buy a bigger skirt if her husband is going to keep hiding behind it.

8:25: Monty Python gets to ask a question? Oh, no. It's just some crap. UPDATE: Biden with the zinger!

8:26: Mmmm, the drugs are kicking in. UPDATE: A magical snowman taught Dennis Kucinich the meaning of global warming. I think J.K. Rowling has her next project.

8:28: Mike Gravel got to mention the GREEN FAIR TAX! Take it away, Eddie!

8:31: Obama comes out for nuclear power, cutting like a Turkish scimtar through John Edwards' buttery pandering. He's really coming alive in the last 45 minutes.

8:32: Clinton supports rolling back corporate tax cuts and "American innovation." Funny thing about Americans: The more you tax them, the more splendid ideas they have!

8:34: It's odd to hear Democrats get exercised about voting machine reform—they stopped caring so much once they realized Karl Rove wasn't rigging the 2006 election.

8:35: The next debate will be between Joe Biden and the guy who narrates his YouTubes. I thought Biden was against a speedy Iraq pullout…

8:39: Is that woman being held hostage by the woman with all the teeth?

8:41: Coming soon to your local Dairy Queen's night shift: Joseph Robinette Biden. A little levity in the predictable minimum wage panderthon.

8:42: More and bigger entitlements! Maybe if we keep increasing the minimum wage we can take larger deductions from those checks and pay for all of this.

8:45: One of Howard Stern's sidekicks asks if his taxes will go up. "No," says Dennis Kucinich. "We will destroy the economy."

8:46: How did all those fat people fit through the YouTube?

8:49: Obama: "Unlike Hillary Clinton—that's her, to my right—I'm not an embarrassing failure."

8:51: Edwards met a guy who got his cleft palate fixed when he was 50. Lucky for him he could kick! And jump. Aaaaand kick!

8:53: Dodd gone wild! Bill Richardson loves ditchdiggers.

8:54: Nice dodge Clinton has on the dynasty question. This is something irritates people like me—by which I mean 25-year old journalists named "Weigel"—but it's clearly not hurting her in the election.

8:56: Gravel sounds like he's railing against the Bilderburgers, but he's got a point, if you're a Daily Kos liberal. The Clintons really hollowed out the electoral strength of the Democratic Party. Terry McAuliffe, who's obviously a diehard Clintonite, was shocked at how disorganized and wimpy the Democratic National Committee was when he took over.

8:58: Ah, Obama's not quite there with the knife-in-the-heart Clinton dynasty answer. She really kicked him around on a question that should be uncomfortable for her.

9:01: Bill Richardson and Joe Biden make a bold stand against crazy people. "I'm the guy who originally wrote the assault weapons ban," Biden says.

9:04: "I admire and, uh, like very much, Barack." Our first cyborg president.

9:06: Look, everybody else is going to say it, so I will, too: Joe Biden is going to kill Dennis Kucinich and sleep with his wife.

FINAL THOUGHTS:

– Hillary wins. Luckily, I have a passport.
– Uh, you know, Obama, he's, I think, blowing it. Although he has a way of roaring back in the last 30-45 minutes, that doesn't work when a debate is longer than an Eric Von Stroheim home movie.
– Some people said Chris Dodd didn't actually have two daughters. Well, who's laughing now?
– People with guns are crazy! Who knew?
– The YouTube thing… worked. It was cloying and the campaign videos should have been cut, but it mostly worked. No moderator would have tossed out an athiesm question, although in the future it'd be nice to have a non-blowhard ask that question.