Comedy

Remy: Cold Dead Hands

The only thing being built in this neighborhood is animosity.

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Remy finds artificially low interest rates come with consequences.

Music and lyrics written and performed by Remy.

LYRICS:

You save a piece of each paycheck
To buy a house in your town
With a short white picket fence

You've got the right down payment
You're pre-approved as planned
So you can buy my house

From my cold dead hands

30 years fixed at 2.5
My name will be on this deed until the day that I die
Interest rates were kept artificially low
You think I'm ever selling? That must be some kind of joke

Zero inventory within five miles of church?
Zoom out to North America and click "redo search"

Like Amber Heard on a bed, I'm squatting right here
I hear the rental market's great around this time of year
So go and build your own house on that vacant land
Here, you can take this shovel

From my cold dead hands

More cars on the road, less sun in the sky
I will oppose all new construction till the day that I die
My property value might be slightly harmed
It would change the area's character—when you built here, this was all farms

Senior homes and row houses, I'm blocking them all
And God help the man I witness playing pickleball

Congressman! Congressman! I just want a house
But building here's illegal? Yeah, how's that allowed?
We could use a voice like yours, keep our House in your plans
You could take my seat. Really?

From my cold dead hands

Zero term limits, and industry vies
I will be the incumbent until my brain finally dies
And then a couple years more, it is what it is
I almost lost one time, so we drew the district like this

My cold hands
My cold dead hands