Free-Range Kids

Government Warns That Playground Equipment Gets Hot

Thanks for the heads up, U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission.


Americans who are unaware that things—including playgrounds—heat up during summer have finally received some much-needed clarity from the government. Isn't it about time?

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) has issued a warning that when it's hot outside, playgrounds can get hot too. After all, maybe some of us haven't spent a lot of time on Earth. Or have no sweat glands. Or we were raised in a tanning bed.

Anyway, to make sure we all understand that when the weather's hot, it can be hot at the playground, the commission posted the following on X:

What an image.

As for the message, the CPSC advises to "always check for hot playground equipment. If it's too hot for your hand, it's too hot for a child's skin." This seems self-evident, but perhaps there are some parents out there who think that burning-hot playground equipment would be appropriate for the little tykes.

You know, maybe to clear things up, safety commissioners should just send out an explanatory flyer. Of course, if they do, they would need to remind the recipients that eating a glossy trifold is not recommended. Nor is folding it into a paper airplane and launching it into one's eye. And people probably should not wad up little bits of the flyer and tamp them up their nose or into their ear canals or any other orifices. Soon enough, we will need safety guidance to protect us from the safety guidance.