Government Warns That Playground Equipment Gets Hot

Thanks for the heads up, U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission.

Americans who are unaware that things—including playgrounds—heat up during summer have finally received some much-needed clarity from the government. Isn't it about time?

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) has issued a warning that when it's hot outside, playgrounds can get hot too. After all, maybe some of us haven't spent a lot of time on Earth. Or have no sweat glands. Or we were raised in a tanning bed.

Anyway, to make sure we all understand that when the weather's hot, it can be hot at the playground, the commission posted the following on X:

Check for hot playground equipment. If it's too hot for your hand, it's definitely too hot for a child's skin. pic.twitter.com/V3wOdKz6fu

— US Consumer Product Safety Commission (@USCPSC) June 4, 2024

What an image.

As for the message, the CPSC advises to "always check for hot playground equipment. If it's too hot for your hand, it's too hot for a child's skin." This seems self-evident, but perhaps there are some parents out there who think that burning-hot playground equipment would be appropriate for the little tykes.

You know, maybe to clear things up, safety commissioners should just send out an explanatory flyer. Of course, if they do, they would need to remind the recipients that eating a glossy trifold is not recommended. Nor is folding it into a paper airplane and launching it into one's eye. And people probably should not wad up little bits of the flyer and tamp them up their nose or into their ear canals or any other orifices. Soon enough, we will need safety guidance to protect us from the safety guidance.

Comments

[Its_Not_Inevitable]

Well, I for one am glad to see our tax dollars are not going to waste. /This is sarcasm, folks.

[docduracoat]

you can make fun that this should be common sense.
But rest assured there are literally tens of millions of complete morons out there.
People who ideally should not be allowed to have children.
you can be certain that these people will completely ignore any warning you may give them

[Á àß äẞç ãþÇđ âÞ¢Đæ ǎB€Ðëf ảhf]

I was one of those morons as a small kid. I learned two things: metal slides get hot, and metal slides cool down once you've slid down them a few times.

I don't remember ever thinking they were too hot to use. We didn't sit on them, we slid down them. Problem solved!

[mad.casual]

If it's too hot for your hand, it's too hot for a child's skin.

With the obligatory gray/charcoal steel utility doors to be found near any park or playground on a maintenance building, we used to have contests to see who could keep their hand there the longest.

We would also get on the merry-go-rounds whose handles had, invariably, been patinaed black, and have one person spin it until people fell off.

Those Shaolin Monks didn't have squat on us.

[Bubba Jones]

These PSAs happen when academic physicians report that a bunch of kids get burned on the playground.

[StevenF]

No they don't. They happen because it makes some people feel important. If there were a significant # of burns, there would be no need for the PSA.

[Zeb]

There have always been tons of morons. And they have generally managed to survive without government warnings about hot slides.

[CE]

There have always been tons of morons.

The difference is now, they're leading Cabinet Departments or serving as Vice President

[StevenF]

Or serving as President.

[CE]

Wait til they find out what happens to flagpoles when it's cold out and someone dares you to lick them.

[wagnert in atlanta]

There's a T-shirt out there that says, "I'm not saying let's kill all the stupids. I'm just saying let's take off all the warning labels and let nature take its course."

[jimc5499]

Where were these clowns at in 1971? That steel sliding board was hot! I didn't get hurt, but, I sure didn't do that again. Oh! Wait! I learned something from the experience instead of being told by the Government.

[Yuno Hoo]

If it's too hot for your hand

Wait. Aren't you supposed to test metal with your *tongue*?

[Gaear Grimsrud]

Not in the winter.

[SIV]

I learned this at age 3 in Shreveport, Louisiana.

[Strider]

I'm SHOCKED to hear this. You mean to tell me that hot sunshine heats up metal? I never would have realized this until bureaucrats told me. Next thing they'll tell me is that metal slides get cold at night. Nah. That would never happen.

[AT]

The sun god is angry and will harm your children. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR HAVING AUTOMOBILES AND AIR CONDITIONING AND AIR CONDITIONED AUTOMOBILES!

I spare you no pity, you Anti-Stone Agers!

[mad.casual]

“always check for hot playground equipment. If it’s too hot for your hand, it’s too hot for a child’s skin it’s just right to break out the magnifying glasses and light some... uh... ants on fire.”

FIFY

[Rev. Arthur L. Kirkland]

"but perhaps there are some parents out there who think that burning-hot playground equipment would be appropriate for the little tykes"

Skenazy apparently has never heard of West Virginia, Mississippi, Idaho, Alabama, or similar half-educated, red state communities.

[Earth-based Human Skeptic]

Fuck off.

And I bet the kids in your favorite backwoods hollers know more about the physical world than all the play-date gender-confused activist accessory pets in NYC and SFC combined.

[TJJ2000]

The biggest blessing about stealing money (Gov-Gun-Theft) from others is no-one in-particular really cares how many TRILLIONS it costs (who goes bankrupt) to get useless messages distributed.

Does anyone really think a free-market would sustain a business of "hot suns make hot things" messaging?

[Gaear Grimsrud]

In other news, pizza not properly sliced in the Chicago style may result in pointy triangular shaped molten hot weapons. How many children tragically raised outside of the windy city are walking around with a horribly scared socket where their innocent wishful eye used to be? Too damn many. If these government interventions can save one child from a hot ass isn't it worth a few million dollars to implement?

[Gaear Grimsrud]

Seriously I'll say again Lenore actually advocates for something like a libertarian message, something we don't get enough of around here. Thank you for staying on your message.

[Stuck in California]

She's selling her books and her foundation. It's her job, so she'll stay on message.

That said, it is lucky they keep publishing her. I mean, other than this, the only regular libertarian content seems to be coming from the comedy videos and parody songs. Heaton, Bragg, Remy.

[mad.casual]

It’s her job, so she’ll stay on message.

Mostly. Better than most of the rest of Reason.

Occasionally she veers off into the "If any hair sample is contaminated with dog hair, you must eliminate hair analysis."-style 'Forensics and Libertarian Sophistry for Dummies' that Reason's editors have a penchant for. As well as similar "Because technology exists, parents and/or teachers must be (psycho-socially) abusing their kids with it." analyses (though, this is arguably within her purview).

Of course, as you point out, she has her own axe grinding business and isn't wholly dependent on Koch. So she has to maintain some level of sanity to avoid otherwise chasing off normies.

[Don't look at me!]

I mean, other than this, the only regular libertarian content seems to be coming from the comedy videos and parody songs.

The Libertarian party is also a source of comedy.

[CE]

Playground equipment has never been proven safe. Tear it all down and ban it.

[Zeb]

They already tore down all the good stuff.

[Minadin]

We used to have a playground that was basically all made of old reinforced concrete stormwater sewer pipes that had been ordered for a project that never happened. They just put them all together like a giant multi-level hamster tunnel / maze and built a stone ziggurat over the top. Steel ladders from level to level. The top featured a zip line back down to the bottom.

[Minadin]

Bring a towel, or a blanket, and slide down on that.

But whatever you do, don't do what we did as kids, which was to use you mom's new tablecloth combined with a hefty dose of ALL of your dad's powdered graphite. It creates a dangerous situation, both at the park, and when you get home.

[mad.casual]

In that same vein: if you're at home and there are no slides around, don't use your parents' Ford Pinto, or other car, as a slide.

Nowadays, with mobile windshield repair service and insurance covering replacement windshields relatively automatically, it's not as inconvenient to get a window replaced. Still however, the windows were not meant to be used as slides.

[Don't look at me!]

Waxed paper is the preferred sliding material.

[Earth-based Human Skeptic]

Global warming comes to the playground.

[Mockamodo]

Hey, quit laughing all you people! With mankind recklessly increasing the size and temperature of the sun the warning is necessary! Think of the children!!!

[John F. Carr]

Lawyers have also put such messages on playground equipment. I hope those lawyers have to sit through a 40 hour long cross examination on the reading skills of three year olds.

"But it's not f..."
"Stop! Answer the question. Can your sign be read by the average three year old?"
"No, but..."
"Silence, vermin!"

and so on for three weeks. (Humans can do 40 hours of work in a week. Courts can't, although some lawyers can bill 40 hours of work in a day.)

[LIBtranslator]

At age five I tried to fry a sparrow's egg on the metal seat of a playground swing. It shore warn't because I thought it was cold. So do I get a sinecure with the USCPSCCPSC as a climate scientist?

[StevenF]

The typical child learns faster than the typical PSA author.