Brickbat: At a Medium Pace

The Chechen government has banned all music it deems too fast. Or too slow. Minister of Culture Musa Dadayev said that from now on, all music in Chechnya must have a tempo ranging from 80 to 116 beats per minute. This includes vocal performances and music that backs dance performances. Dadayev says this requirement conforms to "Chechen mentality and musical rhythm" and will bring "to the people and to the future of our children the cultural heritage of the Chechen people."

Comments

[Vernon Depner]

And all dancers will wear their underwear on the outside.

[Crackers Boy]

Damn. Beat me to it.

CB

[Á àß äẞç ãþÇđ âÞ¢Đæ ǎB€Ðëf ảhf]

Aside from the exhilaration of pure power over the peasants, it's hard for me to imagine what makes such diktat attractive. Are these petty tyrants bored? Did a neighbor blast some fast music at 2am? Did a funeral go by with slow music blaring and throw off their mistress's oompa oompa rhythm?

[mad.casual]

I'm not going to lie, I do kinda envy a culture that has no conception of free form jazz.

[sarcasmic]

Puritans aren’t just Christian.

[Vernon Depner]

It's been centuries since Christian puritans did any beheading.

[Zeb]

I would guess it's some kind of cultural preservation/purity sort of thing.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Never put Goldilocks in charge.

[mad.casual]

An anthropologist NATO ambassador is visiting a primitive society Chechen village. One night, he hears drums beating in the distance. Concerned, he asks one of the tribesmen locals what’s up with the drums. The native says “Drums ok, but if drums stop very bad–run away.”

The drums beat on for an hour. Still uneasy, the ambassador asks again if things are ok. Again, the native replies “Drums ok, but if drums stop very bad — run away.”

After another hour, the drums stop. The native stops dead in his tracks and looks up and says “Drums stop! Very bad! Run away!!”

Scared now, the ambassador asks “Why? What's happening?”

The native replies “Bass solo!”

[American Mongrel]

As a former bassist I lold

[American Mongrel]

.

[Longtobefree]

That faint sound you hear in the background is democrats taking notes.

[Jerry B.]

Oh, Boy! A whole new bureau with good paying union jobs and truncheons for many apparatchiks.

[sarcasmic]

In other news Megadeth cancelled the Chechen show as they continue to tour through Eastern Europe.

[sarcasmic]

Peace Sells is 138 bpm.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rdEupVsL07E

[Medulla Oblongata]

So Moonlight Sonata is right out?

[Brandybuck]

This is what happens when Putin comes in and murders the smart people.

[American Mongrel]

This is so stupid it has to be a mistranslation. I assume, traditional Chechen music is required to be composed according to this law. Still outrageous and illiberal but less pants on head retarded.

[American Mongrel]

Or maybe they want to be the Caucasian taliban. Idk.

[mad.casual]

Chechnya: We’re banning all songs outside the range of 80-116 bpm.
Random Internet “Borderline-Autist”: Doesn’t that ban all sounds in the entire range of human hearing between ~20Hz and ~20kHz?

Alternatively:

Do you want a Swedish House Mafia? Because this is how you get a Swedish House Mafia!

[SRG2]

Fans of Toscanini and Klemperer protest at new law.