Helicopter Parenting Hurts Your Kids' Mental Health
Social media overuse among teens may be a symptom, not the cause, of their distress.

That young people are suffering an explosion of mental health issues is no secret. Anxiety and depression are through the roof, and social scientists are scrambling to find a cause so that whatever is driving kids over the edge can be undone. Extensive use of social media and electronic devices—exacerbated by the isolation of pandemic-era lockdowns—has taken much of the blame. But recent research says that psychological distress more likely results from depriving kids of unsupervised freedom. That's a larger problem that could take longer to fix.
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Troubled Youth
"From 2009 to 2017, major depression among 20- to 21-year-olds more than doubled, rising from 7 percent to 15 percent," Jean Twenge, a professor of psychology at San Diego State University, wrote in 2019. "Depression surged 69 percent among 16- to 17-year-olds. Serious psychological distress, which includes feelings of anxiety and hopelessness, jumped 71 percent among 18- to 25-year-olds from 2008 to 2017…. By 2017, one out of five 12- to 17-year-old girls had experienced major depression in the previous year."
The situation worsened during the isolation of pandemic lockdowns. "Forty-six percent of parents say their teen has shown signs of a new or worsening mental health condition since the start of the pandemic in March 2020," according to a University of Michigan survey.
Is Social Media at Fault?
Twenge launched the current wave of concern over teen mental health in 2017 with an article in The Atlantic that suggested our very online modern culture is the culprit. In that piece, she wrote: "the twin rise of the smartphone and social media has caused an earthquake of a magnitude we've not seen in a very long time, if ever. There is compelling evidence that the devices we've placed in young people's hands are having profound effects on their lives—and making them seriously unhappy."
Twenge's recent book, Generations, builds on that theme. Her concerns are shared by prominent New York University social psychologist Jonathan Haidt. Last year, Haidt told the Senate Judiciary Committee's Subcommittee on Technology, Privacy, and the Law that "correlational studies consistently show a link between heavy social media use and mood disorders" among teens. He added, "moving from no social media use to one or two hours a day is often not associated with an increase in poor mental health, but as usage rises to 3 or 4 hours a day, the increases in mental illness often become quite sharp."
In a 2022 Pew Research survey of teens, 35 percent report using social media "almost constantly."
The convergence of deteriorating youth mental health and technology inevitably attracts political attention. GOP presidential hopeful Vivek Ramaswamy wants to ban social media use by those under 16.
But what if compulsive use of smartphones and TikTok is more of a symptom than a cause?
"Much recent discussion of young people's mental health has focused on the role of increased use of digital technologies, especially involvement with social media," Peter Gray, David F. Lancy, and David F. Bjorklund write in "Decline in Independent Activity as a Cause of Decline in Children's Mental Well-being: Summary of the Evidence," published this year in Journal of Pediatrics. "However, systematic reviews of research into this have provided little support for the contention that either total screen time or time involved with social media is a major cause of, or even correlate of, declining mental health."
The paper points to evidence of "declining mental health leading to more social media use" rather than the other way around. In fact, lead author Gray, a Boston College psychology professor, elsewhere speculates that a decline in the suicide rate for boys from about 1990 to 2005 might be attributed to the development of video games that "brought a renewed sense of freedom, excitement, mastery, and social connectedness to the lives of children and teens, thereby improving their mental health."
Loss of Independence
As their paper's title suggests the authors attribute the rise in youth mental health problems to increasing supervision, loss of freedom, and overprotectiveness—what is often referred to as "helicopter parenting." The authors cite evidence that play is essential to children's well-being, and that "play-like activity appears to be most satisfying and to fit most closely with children's own concept of play when it occurs away from adult oversight and intervention."
"Beyond play, other forms of independent activity also appear to promote young people's immediate wellbeing," the paper adds. "For example, an Australian study revealed that active travel to school (walking, cycling, or scootering) correlated positively with a measure of psychological wellbeing in primary school children. Another study, also in Australia, concluded that high-school students who held part-time jobs felt more independent and happier, overall, than those without such jobs."
But opportunities for unsupervised activity declined in recent decades. "Parents have reported that their children play independently outdoors far less than they themselves did as children and that they limit their children's freedom outdoors largely because of fears of crime and traffic," the authors write.
I'll add that driver's licenses are harder to come by for teens than in the past, limiting mobility: In 1984, nearly half of America's 16-year-olds could drive legally; as of 2021, a quarter could. Work rules and minimum wages restrict employment opportunities for teens. Curtailing options and freedom for kids is often done in the name of keeping kids safe, but it involves bad tradeoffs.
Overprotecting the Kids Into Mental Illness
"Parents today are regularly subject to messages about the dangers that might befall unsupervised children and the value of high achievement in school," add Gray and company. "But they hear little of the countervailing messages that if children are to grow up well-adjusted, they need ever-increasing opportunities for independent activity, including self-directed play and meaningful contributions to family and community life, which are signs that they are trusted, responsible, and capable."
The complication here is that if social media overuse is the culprit for anxiety and depression, the solution may be to limit screen time. But if kids are resorting to the electronic world because they've been driven nuts by smothering parenting, the damage may be too deeply rooted to undo in short order. Parents will have to be convinced to change their ways so that the next generation of kids has more autonomy than the current one and, hopefully, better mental health. That's a longer-term project than just taking away devices or banning TikTok.
If there's disagreement among experts over the causes of teen mental health problems, there's also a lot of common ground. Peter Gray and Jonathan Haidt work with Reason contributor Lenore Skenazy on Let Grow, an organization dedicated to "making it easy, normal and legal to give kids the independence they need to grow into capable, confident, and happy adults." And Haidt has collaborated with Twenge on youth mental health issues. If they have some differences, they all agree that too many young people are in distress and would benefit from more freedom in their lives—perhaps to connect with friends in-person rather than online.
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When my son was about 5 years old, we went to an armed forces day presentation at the local arsenal. We walked through a large, static, Chinook helicopter. He stated how he wanted to fly one of them. This child also could not stand loud noises and I could not imagine him ever getting in one when it wàs operating due to the noise and vibration. 15 years later, he was fueling helicopters for the U.S. navy.
That is my helicopter parenting story. I may have missed the point.
As long as the helicopter didn't take your place he should be ok.
Another of my amateur psychology observations: crazy people can't help but promote crazy behavior in others. Crazy parents incubate crazy children. Delusions and dysfunctions multiply and amplify.
Remember, the human brain you have now and consider superior, is the same exact brain that only a few generations in the past knew that the earth was flat, that gremlins and evil spirits caused disease, and that the correct chanting and drumming would ensure prosperity for your tribe and the demise of your enemies.
Remember, the human brain you have now and consider superior, is the same exact brain that only a few generations in the past knew that the earth was flat, that gremlins and evil spirits caused disease, and that the correct chanting and drumming would ensure prosperity for your tribe and the demise of your enemies.
Some people still believe in all of these things.
People also believe that government control of EVERYTHING solves all problems.
Generations later, nothing has changed.
Yup. As long as the government keeps throwing virgins and evil-doers into the volcano, we will be fine.
Another of my amateur psychology observations:
As near as I can tell, the problem is everyone else's parenting style. My kids are fine.
Speaking as a person who is currently going through my kid's crazy DMs on Discord and seeing some super inappropriate stuff, in certain arenas 30,000 foot parenting is worse. The groomers are real, and so is the constant conversation that gets weirder and weirder and weirder the later kids are up at night. That stuff hurts kids' mental health a lot more than overprotective parents--it's why kids' mental health took a nosedive during covid lockdowns when they were home and online all the time.
Real but rare. And most healthy kids know exactly how to ignore it. Contrary to your claims, that stuff does not hurt the vast majority of kids' mental health.
The kids who are susceptible to that kind of stuff are generally the ones who have been deprived of healthy relationships with their peers - most often by the helocopter parents. So again, you are confusing cause with effect.
Yeah no. I have been consciously the opposite of a helicopter parent, even arguing with some of my neighbors just you argue in your comment above, and this is the outcome. Kids under, say, 16 should be banned from social media. You can disagree, argue etc, but if most people would keep their kids offline, you'd see the improvement. If you think I'm making this up, you either don't have kids or your kids are under the age of 6. In the latter case, it's almost too late. I advise you act quickly.
What "is the outcome"? That bad people say weird stuff on the internet? No one disputes that. The question is whether or not it harms your kid to see it (it mostly doesn't) and more importantly, whether the potential harm is greater or lesser than the harm of "protecting" them (as the article above shows, it's a lot lesser).
By the way, I do have kids, both successfully raised. We didn't helicopter them but we did limit their screen time - not through arbitrary restrictions but by pushing them outside to unsupervised play. They grew up capable and resilient - and knew from an early age to be skeptical of online stuff. Stop fear-mongering and actually read the article.
Kids who are never allowed to get dirty are more likely to develop autoimmune disorders. I suspect it's much the same psychologically speaking. A kid who's never exposed to the occasional bit of weirdness and squick never learns healthy ways to recognize and deal with it.
I have been consciously the opposite of a helicopter parent,
LOL
[Uttered while sifting through their kids' browsing/chat history, judging it, and sharing their judgement online]: I wait, on average, 17 min. between asking my kids if they're ready to share their feelings or not, the literature says the longest a definitive helicopter parent can wait is 10 min. I'm not a helicopter parent. QED.
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Hearty "no shit" is in order. However, it is nice that someone has reasoned through what most people knew.
It bears repeating in this context: children do not come with instruction manuals! Every parent is different; every child is different; and every community is different. It is impossible for anyone to know what the PROBLEM is here, let alone figure out what CAUSED it or how to CORRECT it. Human life is not safe, and nothing can MAKE it safe! And even more so for childhood. The best any parent can do is to try to balance supervision with unsupervised exploration - some children are naturally more responsible and can progress towards adulthood more quickly than others, and NO ONE is better placed to assess that than parents.
This is another article I agree with in principle, but which fails to bring in a critical point. The fact is that our libertine society has erased a lot of the natural social safeguards that afford children the luxury of unsupervised freedom which would exist in a moral society.
We've normalized - and legalized, in many places - the use of drugs, thus making them far more accessible to children as well as exposing them to far greater dangers from street addicts and intoxicated drivers. We've normalized homosexuality and other grossly deviant lifestyles - which openly brag that they're "coming for your children" and seeks to influence them into groomer cults - and has indoctrinated children into accepting/tolerating this through both pop culture and formal education. We've normalized crime and welcomed large swaths of criminal and gang (if not terrorist) elements by our eschewing of law and order, in favor of open borders and revolving door courthouses.
To say nothing of the fact that the modern adult is similarly addicted to their smart phone and social media, and makes little to no effort to leave their homes, get to know their neighborhoods, or build any real kind of immediate community in the vicinity in which we'd have these children freely play. (We'll see great evidence of this in about a week and a half, when children go out to do a time-honored tradition only to find the majority of homes in their neighborhoods blacked out so that their owners don't have to open the door to the delighted squeals of "trick or treat.")
And let's not forget our good friend Karen who will happily call the child services - arguably the most dominant and dangerous child predator in America - over a mom who would let her child play unsupervised in the park while she knocks out a four hour shift at her job across the street.
So... y'know, what you say here would be great. If we lived in a decent society with decent people. Which, unfortunately, we no longer do. By choice.
Congratulations! In the game of Bullshit Bingo, I think you just scored the coverall. Legalizing drugs does nothing to make drugs more available to kids. Who do you think is going to be pickier about asking for ID, a legal dealer who could lose any licenses or permits they might have, or a street-corner dealer? Ermagerd, those icky queers! Plus "groomer" bullshit for extra points. You can't make a straight kid gay any more than you can make a gay kid straight. After spiking for a couple of utter abnomal years, crime is trending downward again. And, the cherry on top, "open borders" bullshit.
Sorry, quote to me the line where I said it's going to turn kids into addicts or make them gay.
You clearly were so triggered that it made you incapable of actually comprehending the post. Allow me to spell it out for you: a libertine culture that openly embraces degeneracy and crime - as not only acceptable, but flat out encouraged - is not one where any parent can reasonably find themselves comfortable allowing their child unrestricted freedom.
Even in yesteryear, if a child said to a parent - "Hey mom, can I head on down to Skid Row to hang out with a bunch of drug addicts, creeper gay pedos, and criminals?" Any parent's answer would be a hard no.
Problem today is, now we've brought the druggies, gay pedos, and criminals to Suburbia.
If you're upset at my characterizing drug addiction, deviant sexual lifestyle, and crime as "degeneracy" - well, I can't help you there. Sorry you hate Reality.
Honestly, I genuinely understand your point. It's challenging to overstate the significance of maintaining emotional equilibrium. Our mental well-being is a cornerstone of our lives, and recently, I've discovered depression treatment nyc. Moreover, there's a multitude of benefits to explore, like group therapy and telemedicine. It's truly an essential asset for anyone aiming for a healthier state of mind.
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