Misunderstanding Trauma—and Resilience
Perhaps our culture is accidentally creating PTSD by expecting it, assuming that no one could possibly emerge from a trauma psychologically intact.

As you may have noticed, trauma is everywhere these days, from the friend "traumatized" by her haircut to the talk show guest eager to share her traumatic past. Victims are allowed to "speak their trauma" in court.
Conventional wisdom insists that anyone who experiences trauma will end up emotionally crippled forever. This belief has allowed us to become extremely unforgiving: If a victim is never going to have a good day again, why should the perpetrator?
The idea that trauma changes everything is so common now that it is taken as gospel. A recent New Yorker article by Parul Sehgal traces how trauma became the all-purpose backstory for a huge swath of today's TV shows, movies, and books. Peek into the past of characters from Claire Underwood to Ted Lasso, and you will find that they were deeply hurt by something or someone, which somehow explains everything from their utter ruthlessness (hers) to their irrepressible cheer (his). Viewers easily accept the idea that trauma, above all else, made these people who they are.
Psychiatrist Sally Satel, co-author of 2005's One Nation Under Therapy, sums up that view this way: "You've done something to me, and now I'm tormented with the memories and will never lead a normal life!" While "I'm not saying that can't happen," Satel says, it is far less common than people tend to think.
Most people who suffer trauma end up psychologically fine, says Samantha Boardman, a psychiatrist who teaches at Weill Cornell Medicine and the author of the recent book Everyday Vitality (Penguin Life). Boardman points to Londoners during the Blitz. Even back then, the authorities were so concerned that the population would go mad with fear and grief that they set up three hospitals exclusively for psychiatric patients. The basket cases never materialized. Those British upper lips stayed so stiff that the mental hospitals were turned over to the army to care for wounded soldiers.
Fast forward to 9/11, another traumatic event. Surveys of New Yorkers six months afterward found us almost back to our normal stress levels. "We have lost sight of the fact that people are rather more resilient and resourceful than we have tended to think about them," psychiatrist Simon Wessely observed in a 2006 lecture.
In fact, Wessely said, the one thing that seems to stymie the normal recovery process is professional intervention, a.k.a. "psychological debriefing." He noted that "there have been over 15 trials in which we randomly allocate people to receive debriefing or not, and we know now, for certainty, that this does not work." Worse, "the three best studies, with the longest follow-up, have shown that those who randomly received the debriefing were more likely to develop PTSD"—post-traumatic stress disorder.
It's almost as if our culture is accidentally creating PTSD by expecting it, based on the assumption that no one could possibly emerge from a trauma psychologically intact. In trying to be kind and caring, we are crippling people instead. For the sake of the traumatized themselves, it's time to stop treating them as damaged goods.
Another reason to stop overestimating the impact of trauma is that it allows our kindness to curdle into vengeance. "Future historians will look back on our era and marvel at the outsized place we gave to trauma, how it tied together myth makings and social control," says George Mason University anthropologist Roger Lancaster, author of 2011's Sex Panic and the Punitive State.
When we enshrine trauma as the most defining part of a person's life, any crime becomes existentially awful. With the proliferation of victim impact statements, the courtroom has morphed into a counseling office, aiming to help the victim feel heard and healed rather than simply ascertaining whether the defendant committed the crime. The victim's assumed unending trauma, Lancaster says, "basically becomes the rationale for giving longer and longer sentences."
The more power we give to trauma, the more power we give to the state. Under-estimating human resilience is warping our culture, obscuring the ability of both victims and wrongdoers to change.
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I am not a victim. Those around wouldn't care if I pulled that card. Never asked for any sympathy from anyone. I am fairly dubious of those around me who claim to be. Quit enabling these high drama life people.
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I'm glad the studies exist to back this point up. I've long suspected it was true in many cases due to the recovered memory fiasco, where psychiatrist literally invented trauma from whole cloth, and the proliferation of events were consensual sex only became rape after a woman took a feminism course.
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I've always been bugged by the calls for 'share your trauma' and 'more sym/empathy'.
It's frequently obvious that such efforts are explicit calls to literally traumatize others and pre-emptively validate the speaker's own lack of empathy.
I think that expectations play an important part in how resilient we are. When you're brought up with the understanding that things go bad sometimes but you're tough enough to deal, you find that you are indeed tough enough.
Okay, I'm channeling my Dad here. But Dad was right.
Yup. My dad had the same view. I also find it's about future-time orientation, too. If you view rough patches as temporary, you're more optimistic about your ability to get through them.
There has been some research that says that it's healthy for children to experience small failures during childhood, when the stakes are low, because it give them the perspective and mental tools on how to handle bigger failures as an adult.
It's not untrue. I had severe difficulty dealing with rejection and failure as a child (We all have our emotional responses and everyone's a little different) and developing the coping mechanisms for this sort of thing... well, it's a learned skill. There is such a thing as emotional maturity, and you get it when you recognize the innate response and learn to deal with it appropriately. And sometimes that takes practice.
Play baseball as a kid, for example. You know, the BEST professional hitters don't get a hit 2 times out of 3. You just go out in the field, do your best there, and a couple innings later you try again.
And the label "survivor." Everyone is a survivor of something these days. Yet, people who refer to themselves as "survivors" haven't actually survived anything, because their whole lives revolve around whatever terrible thing happened to them. Then they engage in emotional tyranny bu trying to make everyone else's life also revolve around whatever terrible thing that happened to them.
The victim class is just looking for excuses for their own inability to succeed. They think Ilif all your problems are from your past trauma, then you're not responsible for yourself and your own failures. It's not your fault, because you're TRAUMATIZED. It's so childish. Sometimes, terrible things happen. But as an adult, you're responsible for how you choose to respond to that.
That label always rubbed me the wrong way too. It was intended to be a way to be an alternate to the label of victim, so people wouldn't define themselves as victims, but it has perversely given more weight to what happened not less. You don't survive a stubbed toe. You curse and get over a stubbed toe. The problem was labeling your identity based on one incident, not which label is chosen.
The survivor label has been coopted by the victim class to elevate their status. In doing that, they changed the definition of survivor. In the past, a survivor was someone who made a come back from adversity. Now, it's just a person who had adversity in his life and didn't die. You pity a victim, but admire a survivor. They've just changed the qualifications for being a survivor.
I agree, the problem is defining your life by one event, and there have always been people who choose to do that. It's not a new thing. But one of the things that has really bothered me about the current culture is the pernicious perversion of language and meaning to change how society thinks of things.
"You don't survive a stubbed toe. You curse and get over a stubbed toe."
For most of us this is true.
However, for some people (diabetics with neuropathy), it can be more serious. The toe can become infected and require serious medical intervention (up to and including amputation of the toe).
If left untreated long enough, it can become life threatening.
My father lost a toe this way.
Does he label himself a survivor? Odds are strong that despite the upheaval of his life and danger it put him in, he, like most people, doesn't define himself by one bad thing that happened to him.
Funny, we’re still getting pro-vax propaganda here in Michigan during every commercial break. It’s several different Drs. giving several different reasons why people need to be vaxed.
One example is a Dr. that describes the trauma of having a loved one die in the hospital alone. He claims that no one ever recovers from it. Seems irresponsible to me for a Dr. to say such a thing.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8qEvSWn6wU0
Maryland has *kids* in a polished ad pushing it.
Which is a result of the physician's unwavering support of literal Nazism, not the virus.
"See how traumatic it is for sick people to die alone and in misery caused directly by worthless subhuman pieces of shit just like me?"
Yeah, great example doc. Maybe we should drag you into the street and fuck you to death with the business end of a broomstick. It shan't be traumatic; after all, you'll be surrounded by lots and lots of people you sick piece of fucking shit.
Mind you, tuberculosis and Ebola patients in quarantine have been allowed visitors with proper safety equipment. I really genuinely hope that that degenerate Nazi cunt and every single one of the bootlicking faggots in the medical professional dies an agonizingly slow death from stomach cancer without the benefit of the opioid drugs they happily deny even to end-stage cancer patients. The only thing lower on this planet than a lawyer or politician (but I repeat myself) is a physician.
Rydberg, you gotta learn to stop holding back and tell us how you really feel.
You can add addiction to that.
There was nothing "accidental" to this, the social control and manipulation were the point, not side effect, of this emphasis on trauma and the victimhood that goes with it.
Agree [as per my comment below]
"of this emphasis on trauma and the victimhood that goes with it"
I see nothing wrong with concern over increasing rates of suicide or drug abuse, especially among the young. I don't think it's some plot to manipulate society, either. That strikes me as misconstruing the situation or even paranoia.
It's not about "trauma;" it's about using the claim of trauma [or triggered, or uncomfortable, exploited, etc.] to make a claim for victimhood. And in today's inverse world of positional outcomes, victims get recompense and a sense of control over those with whom the disagree or just do not like. Especially if they happen to be college administrators.
" college administrators"
They are the real victims here, albeit well compensated ones.
Personally I think they are assholes who have greatly contributed to creation of a monster that often turns on them.
IOW, just desserts.
I'm not sure what this monster is. We have an expression, 'the squeaky wheel gets the oil.' Complaining and whinging is sometimes the only recourse for the weak and powerless. And it works, sometimes. I remember a story from the book The Gate about a French anthropologist who was trapped in the French embassy along with the bulk of the Westerners trapped by the Khmer Rouge in Democratic Kampuchea (Cambodia). The foreigners eventually made their way home, but the Cambodians who sought refuge there were turned out for 'resettlement' in the new regime. Except one women who complained so much and so piteously that the authorities gave in and let her escape to France where she lived out her life. Had she followed the advice given here and silently toughed it out, chances are she'd have suffered the fate of the others who'd been turned out of the embassy into the hands of the Khmer Rouge.
http://library.lol/main/DA257CAEF431764D499211AB0F8FE457
Everybody's a fucking expert.
Except for the incels.
This totally isn't about passive-aggressive control freaks using a selective definition of trauma to get their way.
You said it better than me.
assuming that no one could possibly emerge from a trauma psychologically intact.
It's like racism. Just claiming you're OK is a sign of trauma.
Coming from chronic liar and persistent child rape apologist Lenore Skenazy, minimizing trauma, especially childhood trauma, comes off just a little bit disingenuous. It's true enough, but you'd do well to pick a messenger who hasn't bragged that she let a convicted child rapist babysit her kids and been caught in lie after lie after lie about crimes against children.
Incidentally, I would laugh my fucking ass off if the child rapist to whom Lenore submitted her children changed his taste and raped her up the ass with no lube until her anus prolapsed and then the cops told her to fuck off and stop being a self-pitying victim. Couldn't happen to a nicer cunt.
You're a real charmer, aren't you?
Yeah, new guy seems nice.
I wonder whose sock puppet he is? Or if he's real, what damaging trauma in his life has made him so vindictive.
Next up, Lenore's article about how cop shows are obsessed with murders, even though statistics show that most people will never experience murder in their life.
As a boy I noticed the bums and winos who hung about on city streets. I never gave them much thought except to take steps to avoid them. It was only years later that I realized they were often veterans of WWII and the Korean war, traumatized by their experiences to the degree they could no longer lead healthy, productive lives.
There is a great human cost to war, even to the survivors. And yet, many other people survived similar experiences and did lead healthy, productive lives afterword.
"and did lead healthy, productive lives afterword."
So it would seem, but the trauma of WWI lead a generation of politicians to deny the threat of a second war until it was too late. The Vietnam war led to the 'Vietnam syndrome' which affected the nation with a malaise of impotence in facing international challenges. Many individuals prospered during these periods but the nation as a whole was led into bad outcomes.
"Under-estimating human resilience is warping our culture"
Resilience means the ability to return to initial conditions after a shock. That's an impossible goal in the case of trauma, as we can't turn back the clock and unexperience trauma. Better to adapt and survive, or 'warp' our culture.
Not all traumatic events are created equal, nor are the people dealing with that trauma. Some events do change people forever, but saying the goal dealing effectively with the trauma is impossible just means you're giving up.
We should never give up a goal too easily but wisdom is understanding our limits (and strengths).
My favorite part of Eric Greitens's book "Resilience" is when he discusses why his title is bogus.
It's exactly what mtrueman said, coming from someone who spent time in combat and in refugee camps. Greitens said resilience would mean springing back to how you were before, and what humans actually do is change themselves to cope.
"Those British upper lips stayed so stiff that the mental hospitals were turned over to the army to care for wounded soldiers."
Even so, there were psychological repercussions to the bombing of civilians. The crime rate in London rose dramatically during the war, with looting, juvenile delinquency and sexual assaults leading the way.
That's not trauma though, that's punks taking advantage of the opportunity.
Does anyone else remember the study with people who were directly effected by the fall of the twin towers? They compared people who got trauma counseling to people who were just left to deal with it their own way. The first group had significantly worse outcomes.
That seems to happen a lot in psychology these days. Something sounds like it should work, so they just assume it does and go for it. Totally corrupt as a scientific endeavor.
"Totally corrupt as a scientific endeavor."
Except that psychology is not a science. Science investigates physical phenomena which is nameable, repeatable and measurable. Psychology doesn't really fit the bill on any level.
“The more power we give to trauma, the more power we give to the state.”
You say this as though it were an unintended consequence.
There is only ONE cause of the scenario described in this piece, where anyone having experienced any "truma" is scarred for life, doomed to failure, no ope of recovery or normlcy... except iwth "professioinal help", and that for a long period of time t high cost to "someone" (most time,s you and me taxpayer)
And that cause IS the profession that have invented, largely out of whole cloth, their "discipline" and the dire and ever-increasing NEED for their "services". They stand ready to "service" the "victims", for a rather high hourly rate, but hey, what can be too high a cost for "healing"?
Their kind of "servicing" puts me in mind of my Dad, who grew up on a rural farm in the pre-Depression days. When he was a youunger boy, he'd be the one tasked every year wiht haltering their milk cow and walking her a couple miles up the road to the next farm, where they kept a stud bull. It was told him "it's time to take bossy up to the Smith place for "servicing'/
Or course, that was a type of "servicing' that bore a favourable and predictable result: a new calf or two, and a goodly supply of milk for the family. A far better deal for te two dollars he'dpay Farmer Smith for the "service". we compared to the tens of thousands today's proffessional "scammers" expect to cross their palms for their "service".
"we compared to the tens of thousands today's proffessional "scammers" expect to cross their palms for their "service".
If you want free medical attention go to Canada. I read of one case, a child broke both arms falling from a swing. Parents took her to emergency where doctors administered pain relief, reset the broken bones and put her arms in casts. Total cost: $CDN 6. For parking.
Just once in my life I'd like to have the highly traumatizing experience of a coworker calling me "attractive".
I was in a war. I saw bad shit. People tried to do bad shit to me. I dealt with it. Not saying there weren't some feels after. There were. But I got over it. I'm ok.
I've talked to people who were in a war 50 years ago and it's like they never left. Fucking consumed them. The rage. The fear. They never got through it. It tortures them like a waking nightmare.
I really wish I knew why I'm ok and they're not. But I let it go. These guys...the war became who they are. They never let it go.
You may be OK, but you've still lost something. The victim of a robbery assures those around him. I'm OK I'm OK, to let them know he's not been hurt. He may be OK but his still out for whatever amount the thieves managed to get away with. With war it's a loss of innocence and exposure to experiences at the limits of depravity and cruelty, far beyond accepted social norms. That proves too much for some people. Perhaps with others, it's the comradeship, bravery, and chaotic unpredictability somehow compensates for all the horror.
Anyways it seems our modern times we have become much more sensitive to suffering and pain. Earlier Victorian years in England, one of the chief amusements was bear baiting, where the bear was tied up and a team of bull terriers was set on the bear while a crowd looked on and cheered. People used to try dogs in court for crimes like killing sheep, and, I shit you not, publicly hanged if found guilty. We've sensitized ourselves out of that sort of thing over the past 200 years.
I met a man who had fought in both WWII and Korea. He spent a good deal of his youth hunting for deer and such, and the war for him was just a continuation. He'd sneak behind enemy lines, for example, hide and wait for an officer to drive by, shoot them, steal any documents and return to base with them for the egg heads to decipher. He said he had the time of his life. Korea wasn't so much fun, though.
So true! Victims of sex crimes are revictimized by everyone telling them how damaged they should be.
A hundred years ago, it was called 'shell-shocked', today it's called PTSD, but trauma is trauma. My father's advice for survival in traumatic conditions, 'YOU PUT ONE FOOT, IN FRONT OF THE OTHER.
As a species, human beings are like cock roaches, you can exterminate us by the millions, but more of us will return, tomorrow.
I believe we have research on what does work now. If I understand right, the difference between people who bounce back from terrible experiences and people who go on to PTSD is rapid social support. Ms. Skenazy mentioned a couple of cases where traumatic experiences did not lead to massive numbers of PTSD cases. All were times when there was high social solidarity.