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Little Green Men Caught in Red Tape

When a metal monolith was discovered in the desert, all federal officials could see was a zoning violation.

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A metal monolith discovered this year in the Utah desert looks like something straight out of Star Trek's neutral zone, but all federal officials could see was a zoning violation.

In November, members of the Utah Department of Public Safety's Aero Bureau came across the alien-looking structure in a remote southeast portion of the state while performing a count of bighorn sheep. Who, or what, might have placed the 12-foot structure in the desert is a mystery. What's not up for debate is the monolith's legal status.

"The Bureau of Land Management (BLM) would like to remind public land visitors that using, occupying, or developing the public lands or their resources without a required authorization is illegal, no matter what planet you are from," the Utah branch of BLM declared in a press release.

Within days of the public announcement of its discovery, the monolith had disappeared. Do aliens fear federal fines and sanctions? Or were terrestrial parties frightened into compliance?

Let's hope it's the latter. Short of annihilating ourselves, nothing poses a graver threat to Earth's reputation in the galaxy than exposing off-planet visitors to the onerous restrictions and red tape we place on the development of federal lands.

NEXT: Brickbat: The Boob Tube

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  2. A metal monolith discovered this year in the Utah desert looks like something straight out of Star Trek‘s neutral zone…

    Embarrassing.

    1. If some little green asshole starts polluting public lands with their little monoliths, the feds should fine their asses. If I litter in a park and call it “art”, is Christian gonna suck my ass?

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    2. No shit. Everyone knows that the neutral zone in Star Trek was a region of space between the Federation and the Romulan Empire.

      Now Reason has really crossed the line. They can’t even get nerdy pop culture references right.

      1. Cut ’em some slack. That was 20 years ago! These young pups have spent too much time in safe places to know anything that old.

        1. Nerd note: The Star Trek episode “Balance of Terror”, which introduced the Neutral Zone, aired August 3, 1967. So over 53 years ago.

        2. Yes but the 2009 reboot had Kirk running the Kobiyashi Maru simulation which includes an encroachment of the Neutral Zone.

  3. Didn’t it come to light that some artists’ group had set up the monoliths?

    1. No.

      Definitely aliens.

      Reason did their research.

      1. This is known.

      2. Aliens can be artists, too. Bigot.

    2. It’s like crop circles. Sure, some crop circle enthusiasts were caught walking down cornfield patterns with boards, but they were just copying the designs the aliens initially left.

      1. So was this monolith a copy or the alien original?
        And what happened to the original?

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  6. “The Bureau of Land Management (BLM) would like to remind public land visitors that using, occupying, or developing the public lands or their resources without a required authorization is illegal, no matter what planet you are from,”

    This gives it away. The public that owns the land has no rights in or on the land.

    I think there needs to be a federal committee appointed to determine how much the “Black Lives Matter” official organization owes the federal government for copyright infringement of “BLM”.
    Sirely Joe has a few more donors that need an ego boost.

    1. “The Public” means “Everyone except you.”

    2. Government is the land we bar people from using together.

  7. In before the Trumptards bring me up.

    1. A legend in his own mind.

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  9. Not sure which is more annoying and useless, this “article” or the spam in the comments.

    1. Reason “journalists” publish only two kinds of articles in the post-Trump era:

      1. Inane articles like this one; and
      2. Inane articles expressing surprise at something authoritarian and/or repressive being done by a Biden administration …. that ran on doing authoritarian and/or repressive things … all throughout the election cycle.

      1. Don’t worry. In a few years, after you Trumptards find other places to pollute, these comments will be full of accusations of conservatism from leftist Bidentards due to Reason being critical of their Dear Leader.

        1. And in a few years, you will be serving time for not making your alimony payments. Take it out on your ex-wife. She fucked the black guy, okay? Not us.

          1. Meanwhile, in the real world, my credit score used yours as toilet paper.

            1. Tell us more about your real life, and then blame your breakdown on an impersonator that “stole” your handle.

              1. Nah. Your version is much more entertaining.

                1. So you made up the bullshit about your credit score?

                  1. Does it matter?

                    1. Sure.

                    2. If it matters enough to you to hide it …. yes.

                    3. Lol. So broken.

          2. Waahhh! Why are you being mean? I was just making a joke calling you a Trumptard. Waahhh!

        2. You mean like during the Obama years?

      2. Sort of like Reason during the Trump era. Inane articles or pointing out the authoritarian things the Trump administration was doing.

        1. Authoritarian mean tweets.

          1. No shit! Maybe it will be nice to have a few years where every fucking snooze organization isn’t just pointing out the twaddle on Twitter. If that actually happens I can see Twitter at a more reasonable market cap of $7.5 billion instead of nearly $40 B

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  11. These monoliths have been found all over the world. In remote wilderness locations and cloth to inhabited towns. So whoever’s doing it has some resources. And they all get de-installed soon after discovery. What we are missing from all the breathless stories are any details. Are they solid steel? My guess is not, that’s it’s just a shell. Which the picture suggests.

    So what are they? My guess is some marketing scheme that hasn’t been revealed yet. Sort of like the Mooninite invasion of Boston. So is it marking for Starfield? Marketing for an as yet unhinted at Space 2100 movie? Or just the Church of Subgenius doing a mindfuck on the media?

    1. “What we are missing from all the breathless stories are any details”

      Badly written fiction tends to sparse on specifics.

    2. “These monoliths have been found all over the world. In remote wilderness locations and cloth to inhabited towns.”

      I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but it’s obviously the Master’s TARDIS disguised as a monolith and appearing in multiple locations simultaneously because, duh, it can travel through time.

      The Master has probably concocted yet another plot against Earth – I bet he’s working with Cthulhu this time.

      1. It’s a brilliant plot. Since Jodie Whittaker destroyed the series, nobody even remembers The Master.

  12. The pillar was 3 m (9.8 ft) tall and made of metal sheets riveted into a triangular prism.

    In my day, monoliths were one solid piece of metal, this sounds like a cheap, Chinese-manufactured monolith.

    1. I doubt it’s a prism. Looks much too reflective to let light pass through.

  13. Next on the docket: “United States Government vs. E.T.”

    1. I’m going to guess it’ll be something more like “United States v one Interstellar Phone Booth and $38,000 in cash”. No need to actually prosecute E.T. when civil asset forfeiture will get them what they really want.

  14. “no matter what planet you are from”

    Oh please. Cut them a break. They have a job to do, and they did it with humor. All they really wanted to do was dissuade a bunch of copy cats.

  15. National Commie-Land? Last I read in the U.S. Constitution and the Land Ordinance Act the U.S. Government was forbidden from laying claims all across the U.S. and deeming it Commie-Land. As a matter of fact even the U.S. Supreme Court told the U.S. Federal Government they cannot make random Commie-Land claims just because they *THINK* they ‘own’ 80% of the land.

    Speaking of President Trump’s eminent domain — You ain’t seen nothing till you see what the left has been doing. We Democratic National Socialists OWN ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the LAND!

  16. So which group is comprised of the most ignorant insufferable twatwaffles, BLM or BLM? I say it’s a tie. Both are government supported.

    1. BLT is my vote.

      The thing is you gotta get the right ingredients. The bacon should be crispy but not brittle. The lettuce, I like romaine but whatever crunchy you can get. Not shredded. Tomato if you have fresh heirloom go with that.
      Bread, white is the classic. Thick. Toast just right. Use real Mayo bottom and top. Slam it together.

      Slice diagonal. You are done.

  17. Monolith: Single Rock.

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