Criminal Justice

Woman Charged With Texting Boyfriend to Death Actually Pleaded With Him Not To Kill Himself

She also frantically tried to find him, and she alerted his family once she knew where he was.


The Boston College student accused of texting her boyfriend to death actually pleaded with him not to kill himself and enlisted his family to help stop the suicide, according to newly revealed text messages.

The young woman, 21-year-old Inyoung You, was arraigned this morning in Massachusetts on charges of involuntary manslaughter. But earlier this week, her representatives released new evidence that casts the state's story about You in doubt.

Back in October, Suffolk County prosecutors brought the charges against You with some fanfare, even holding a press conference specifically to announce them. You, they said, had used text messages to harass and pressure her boyfriend, 21-year-old Alexander Urtula, into committing suicide.

You and Urtula, who also went to Boston College, had dated for about a year and half. Urtula jumped from a parking garage to his death on May 20, 2019, the day he was supposed to graduate.

Suffolk County District Attorney (DA) Rachael Rollins told the media in October that You "had complete and total control" over Urtula "mentally and emotionally" and sent him messages that included "go kill yourself" and "go die." A press release from the DA's office implied that You had simply stood by as Urtula committed suicide, stating: "You was tracking Mr. Urtula's location and went to the Renaissance garage and was present when he jumped."

What the DA's office left out was You's side of the story—or any of Urtula's part of the text exchange. Without such context, we don't know if Urtula said or did anything to prompt messages like "go die," or whether they were really meant literally, or what subsequent communications between the couple were like, or much of anything relevant to making a moral judgement, let alone determining whether You's actions reach the level of manslaughter.

Now, another set of texts suggest that far from sitting by idly as Urtula killed himself, You frantically tried to find him and pleaded with him not to do it. These new texts were released to the Boston Globe by Rasky Partners Inc., a public relations firm that is representing You. Her legal defense team has confirmed them as authentic.

In texts sent not long before Urtula killed himself, You asks Urtula why he had turned off his phone's location tracking and where he is. Urtula responds: "I'm not gonna be anywhere inyoung this is goodbye forever. I love you. This isn't your fault it's mine."

"What. UR LEAVING ME," You texts.

"I'm far away on a tall place and I'm not gonna be here for long. I'm leaving everyone," Urtula texts back.

After this, You begins frantically texting him to stop and begging him not to do it. She says things like:

Please baby. i love you so much. Please stop please. Please baby please stop i love you.


IM BEGGING YOU. PLEASE IM ALMOST THERE PLEASE. where are u please please please

You continues texting and texting, even as Urtula stops responding. "i'm so sorry if i hurt you PLEASE." "please I'm so sorry i'm begging you please alex please." "DONT DO THIS PLEASE."

A full transcript of the messages is here. They do not at all conjure the picture that Suffolk County prosecutors did.

At some point before he jumped, Urtula turned the GPS tracking on his phone back on. You then began heading to where he was and also let his family know the location. "Please let me know if you get there first i'm waiting for the uber," she texted Urtula's brother.

You, who is a South Korean national, withdrew from Boston College in August and returned to her home country. She was out of the U.S. when a grand jury indicted her for manslaughter, and she only returned recently to be arraigned. On Friday, a Massachusetts judge set her bond at $5,000 and ordered her to stay in the state.

At the arraignment, the state dismissed the idea that You had tried to intervene to stop Urtula's suicide. "The defendant had urged Urtula to kill himself on numerous occasions and on the morning of his death she knew exactly where to find him," Suffolk County Prosecutor Caitlin Grasso alleged.

The state repeatedly brought up alleged comments You had made to Urtula earlier in their relationship, citing the fact that they had 75,000 total text messages between them and that witnesses supposedly said they had a toxic relationship.

But whatever mistakes You may have made in their relationship, reading their exchanges and looking at her actions from the day of his death makes it hard to imagine how prosecutors ever thought manslaughter charges were appropriate here, let alone why they're doubling down on them. It's even harder to reconcile the version of You that these messages reveals—anguished, loving, pleading, desperate—with the evil vixen sociopath that the state has repeatedly conjured for the media.

And it's chilling to think of the precedent prosecutors are trying to set, one in which a romantic partner committing suicide is grounds to examine your entire text message and relationship history for signs that it's your fault.

NEXT: West Virginia Inmates Will Be Charged by the Minute to Read E-Books on Tablets

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  1. It’s even harder to reconcile the version of You that these messages reveals—anguished, loving, pleading, desperate—with the evil vixen sociopath that the state has repeatedly conjured for the media.

    Could it be like an explicit “I want no quid-pro-quo” being wink-winked into, well, you know?

    1. “I want no quid-pro-quo”

      Has anyone set this to Money For Nothing yet?

      1. Will you stop crying if they do?

      2. *** calls Remy hotline ***

        1. 25 phones and Remy’s on every one of them.

          1. Let’s try that again The Smiths

      3. It has been recorded in the style of The Smiths

  2. It’s even harder to reconcile the version of You that these messages reveals—anguished, loving, pleading, desperate—with the evil vixen sociopath that the state has repeatedly conjured for the media.

    Bitches be crazy.

    1. Cry more about your wife.

      1. Still crying all over the place, eh?

        1. Yeah. Everywhere. And you can’t stop.

  3. You, they said, had used text messages to harass and pressure her boyfriend…

    No I didn’t!

  4. 5 text messages in a frantic pang of self-interested guilt after the 74,995 harassing the guy into suicide totally makes up for it.

    Fuck You.

    1. She has no culpability for suicide or murder.

      1. She’s a woman, she has no culpability for anything. Because white knight retards like you make sure of it. Meanwhile men are rotting in prison, or financially ruined, or barred from ever seeing their children on the basis of unproven allegations 50,000 a day in this country.

        1. She could very well be totes guilty, for all I know. Or she might not be.

          I *do* know that if she did anything, she was the one who did it, not generic women.

        2. Didn’t you just say in a comment for a previous article, that 99.9% of the men in prison are completely guilty and deserve all the horrible things that happen to them?

          1. This new troll James cameron is a fickle pickle.

    2. “5 text messages in a frantic pang of self-interested guilt after the 74,995 harassing the guy into suicide totally makes up for it.”

      Says the EVIL spawn of Satan who un-ashamedly tells others on commentary, that they should commit suicide!

      Self-righteous hypocritical asshole!


        James Cameron
        November.22.2019 at 2:19 pm
        I don’t advocate suicide for everyone, Hihn. I only advocate it for you because you are a useless obsolete decrepit old piece of subhuman welfare leeching shit clinging to life in a taxpayer-funded old age facility while slowly succumbing to the effects of senile dementia. That you have no quality of life and are a burden on society and therefore should kill yourself should by no means be taken to mean that everyone should themselves.

        End quote…

        Just so that everyone knows that James Cameron, just like Adolf Hitler, Joe Stalin, Pol Pot, Idi Amin, and on and sickeningly on and on… Is PROUD to count His High And Mighty Self among authoritarian assholes who feel completely entitled to decide who should live, and who should die!

        Look up “Evil Hypocrite”, and a synonymous definition should be “James Cameron”!

      2. Hmmmm….. I’m usually the one telling turds like you and Tony and PB to drink Drano. Didn’t realize others had the right idea.

        I recently had to see some good, decent people die for no reason. Meanwhile garbage like you, and Tony, and Pedo Jeffy, and Buttplug persist.

        It’s a reals hame I don’t decide who lives, and who dies.

  5. Btw when ENB’s cuck sugar daddy is found in pieces in her boyfriend’s freezer, don’t believe the suicide note.

  6. Whatever she did, he jumped on his own. Not guilty.

    1. I agree!

      But FUCK the prosecutorial, anti-free-speech assholes! They think “the more punishment, the more justice!”

      Prosecutors just think that way… They are ADDICTED to meting out as much punishment as possible! Power pigs!

  7. Who cares what she did. He killed himself.

    No charges and not guilty.

    1. So if you killed yourself because of text messages sent by You you would be fine with everyone leaving You alone and ignoring the wishes of you and your family? I just wanna make sure we’re totally clear.

      1. YOU got it, ewe.

  8. I presume the prosecutor has a theory to account for this?

    They should certainly have mentioned in their press conference (if they thought it necessary to have a press conference) that, yes, there was a last-minute attempt to discourage the suicide, but they think it was all for show and doesn’t make up for the blah blah.

    I mean, they could have said, but apparently they didn’t.

    Did they at least share with the grand jury that she made those last-minute messages?

    1. OK, this from the October article:

      “The indictment alleges Ms. You’s behavior was wanton and reckless and resulted in overwhelming Mr. Urtula’s will to live; and that she created life-threatening conditions for Mr. Urtula that she had a legal duty to alleviate, which she failed to do.”

      If this is true, the grand jury didn’t claim her last-minute efforts weren’t enough to make up for what she did before, they claimed she made no attempt to alleviate a life-threatening situation.

      I would love to know how much the grand jury was told.

      1. I’m sure it’s the prosecutor and grand jurors who are hiding something and not, you know, the PR firm hired by the psycho bitch.

        1. Wouldn’t it be nice to know, though?

          1. Well, the prosecution theory is she should have alleviated the situation by calling cops or an ambulance or telling someone at the garage. So I suppose their angle would be that texting him to stop and calling the family wasn’t alleviating enough.

  9. “You was tracking Mr. Urtula’s location and went to the Renaissance garage and was present when he jumped.”

    Shit sure does get confusing when your name is You.

    1. Right???

      I was reading it, struck by the improper grammar. But then I realized who You is!

      1. Naturally.

        You throw the ball to first base and who gets it?

        1. Who?

  10. Why do prosecutors get away with this kind of pre-trial publicity? Anything like this during a trial would probably get them in contempt of court and a mistrial.

    I know it’s been happening for ages, bu that’s a sorry excuse. Have any defense lawyers ever tried to stop this? It seems so incredibly anti-justice that I really don’t understand how courts let it continue.

    1. Alan Dershowitz (who should know) claims that when courts issue gag orders, it’s only *after* the prosecutor has injected its version into the news cycle. So – post arrest news conference, then gag order for both sides.

  11. “After this, You begins frantically texting him to stop and begging him not to do it.”

    Maybe… CALLING at that point would’ve been a good idea?
    Fn post millennials

  12. Ok, so You has both a defense *team* and a PR firm…

    1. An understandable reaction. If you’re being prosecuted in the media, defend yourself in the media.

      I mean, if your family can afford it.

  13. She threatened to slash her wrists unless he killed himself while calling him a f&cking piece of sh#t. This was intimate partner violence, a text book example. If the genders were reversed there would be no question the surviving partner would be guilty of some form of domestic violence.

    1. Violence is using physical force so NO a man would not be guilty of domestic violence since threatening suicide is not “violence”
      You sound like a crazed hysterical female.

    2. She WAS found guilty so not sure why you are reversing the genders for. Threatening to kill yourself if somebody else does not kill themselves IS NOT VIOLENCE. Please go learn the definition.

      Domestic Violence is hitting somebody so no she nor he (if genders were reversed) would be arrested since nobody was being hit. Emotional abuse is not a crime either. If a man wants to kill himself then why should she be jailed?

  14. Not guilty.


  15. Psych 101

    A suicide threat is a medical emergency.

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