Candy

Mutant Kinder Eggs Come to America

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Joanna Andreasson

Thanks to a law banning candy that contains "non-nutritive objects," Kinder Surprise eggs were long prohibited in the United States. The toy they contained was considered an unacceptable risk. In early 2018, that finally changed—sort of. The new Kinder Joy looks similar from a distance but opens to reveal not a hollow chocolate egg but an egg-shaped plastic capsule. A pair of "wafer bites" in a sweet, creamy substance fill one half of the container; a tiny toy is sealed inside the other. A wrapper separates the two, and that apparently suffices to make the product acceptable to the American nanny state.

NEXT: Brickbat: Testing Our Patience

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  1. 2018 my ass, I bought those for stocking stuffers last year.

  2. Tiny toy??!!
    Choking hazard!!!
    Run!!!!

  3. I cut some of those open and repackaged them with kind bud inside them during a trip to Copenhagen about 15 years ago. They used to have a part of town where weed selling was permitted. Today I would skip the kinder egg altogether – what they sell in Colorado and California is way better than any of the bud you will find in Amsterdam or Copenhagen.

    1. There’s no used to old man, Christianshavn is still there, and no, the weed in CA or CO is no better ( how these fuck would you know if you haven’t been there in 15 years?)

      We get it. You wanted to tell a story about smuggling weed back when no one cared, but save the embellsihment, especially about crap you can’t possibly know.

      1. Ah, good to know Christiania is still open. Are there still periodic raids there every couple years where they tear the little wooden stalls down, or do they have full blown dispensaries there with hundreds of products and strains for sale?

        1. The Greenlight zone is gone, Christiania is not what it once was.

          Perhaps it never was what it was:

          https://bit.ly/2fy2mqO (theguardian.com)

          But damn, enjoying a frosty brew in a Christiania beergarden while listening to a band jamming on a late summer afternoon and inhaling deeply is one of the highlights of my stoner career.

  4. So, now these eggs are Kinder and Gentler?

  5. Wait, that was a toy on the other side? No wonder I damn near choked on that hard, brittle “candy”. There should be a warning on those things! Where’s my lawyer?

  6. These should be banned as a form of gambling.

  7. This article is small enough to be considered a choking hazard. Am I right, people?

    1. Choking Hazard was my nickname.

      1. Hope you got over your gag reflex. Ha! See what I did there? I turned it around on you.

  8. Remember, the problem is not bad people. It’s bad eggs.

  9. Even as a kid i never understood the Kinder Egg ban. The capsules inside the o.g. Eggs are big enough that any kid who could fit one in their mouth is actually a python, and is therefore in no danger of choking.

    1. I swear I had some version of this in the 90s. They were called Wonderballs. The commercial was a parody of Who Wrote the Book Of Love.

  10. My kids ate the hell out of these things over Easter. The toys inside were actually quite clever and inventive. Good on Kinder for adapting to USA’s stupid ban.

  11. Ah, they took away my childhood. I had an entire collection of hippos, adorable they were!
    Talking about chocking. I bought this bad two pieced guy and as I tried to use what supposedly was a spoon-ish thing, it broke down! I had no other choice but to use my own hands to get the candy and who knows how many microbes were on there? It’s a bioweapon, people. I could have died. It’s even more harmful than edubirdie and stuff.

  12. Kinder products are sehr gut; my son loves these things.

  13. I’m officially starting the count-down till somebody gets sued because their kid reasones, ” well one side was edible, so why not the other.?”

    Seriously, who was just eating an entire egg with the toy inside? The real problem with kinder eggs when I was a kid living in Europe was what to do with all the extra choclate after you tore into them for the toys.

  14. ‘HEWP! AH SWAWWOWED DA SPOON!’

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  16. I’ve seen kinder eggs in store for a while now in WI. Maybe a year?

  17. These eggs just are like the Bucky balls. my child just wants more and more, never tired.

  18. These eggs let me think of Bucky balls. my child just wants more and more, never tired.

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