A.M. Links: Jeff Sessions Testifies Today Before Senate Intelligence Committee, Golden State Warriors Beat Cleveland Cavaliers to Win NBA Championship

• 

  Gage Skidmore / Flickr.com

  Attorney General Jeff Sessions will testify today before the Senate Intelligence Committee about the Russia investigation.

• Attorney General Sessions has asked Congress to make it easier for the Justice Department to prosecute medical marijuana providers.
• "A friend of Donald Trump on Monday raised the politically explosive possibility that the president could take action to fire Robert S. Mueller III, the recently appointed special counsel tasked with looking into Russian meddling in last year's election and potential collusion with the Trump campaign."
• The jury is now deliberating in the Bill Cosby trial.
• The Golden State Warriors beat the Cleveland Cavaliers last night to win the NBA championship.

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Comments

[Fist of Etiquette]

The Golden State Warriors beat the Cleveland Cavaliers last night to win the NBA championship.

So I guess there were no other championships decided this week.

[Rufus The Monocled]

Hello.

[Fist of Etiquette]

This is it. I'm done with Reason.

[Scarecrow Repair & Chippering]

Let's start a boycott. You first!

[x'); DROP USER Tony;]

I mean...none that matter in America.

[Fist of Etiquette]

The first time two American-born coaches competed for the hardest trophy in team sports? Uh, I think it was very important. And since when is what's left of this place suddenly not globalist?

[MikeT1986]

We're counting Sunday as this week?

[Fist of Etiquette]

Check your calendar. It goes from Sunday to Saturday. Also, it wasn't covered Monday at all. TOTAL COSMO BULLSHIT.

[MikeT1986]

Checked the calendar for my time sheets (only time that matters) and it's Monday to Sunday, so Czech yourself.

Sadly Hockey is no longer one of the major US sports.

[Rhywun]

It isn't?

[Tom Bombadil]

It can't be, I didn't even know the Stanley Cup was being played.

[Fuck you, Shikha (Nunya)]

Those are white guys. No one cares.

[Tom Bombadil]

If hockey in unimportant, then the birth nation of hockey coaches is also unimportant.

[Mickey Rat]

Iam nust surprised to hear the NBA still exists.

[John DeWitt]

Not that any real sports fan cares about...MLS cup isn't decided until December.

[The Last American Hero]

Kids games that end in ties aren't real sports. Do you follow dodgeball or quidditch as well?

[gaoxiaen]

Kill the Keebler!

[Fist of Etiquette]

Attorney General Jeff Sessions will testify today before the Senate Intelligence Committee about the Russia investigation.

Get ready to swear Pence in!

[Fist of Etiquette]

Attorney General Sessions has asked Congress to make it easier for the Justice Department to prosecute medical marijuana providers.

And who doesn't want easier federal prosecutions?

[Citizen X - #6]

Attorney General Sessions has asked Congress to make it easier for the Justice Department to prosecute medical marijuana providers.

Christ, what a rancid, festering asshole.

[Anomalous]

I would never insult a rancid, festering asshole by comparing it to Jeff Sessions.

[Citizen X - #6]

Trump would have to drain the swamp to at least its 1790 level to even begin to make up for appointing that pustulent piece of shit.

[gaoxiaen]

He deserves Pulp Fiction. Without the sword.

[Conchfritters]

A blowtorch, a pair of pliers, and medievalness?

[Bee Tagger]

A friend of Donald Trump on Monday raised the politically explosive possibility that the president could take action to fire Robert S. Mueller III

The 4th version has some major bug fixes.

[Fist of Etiquette]

"A friend of Donald Trump on Monday raised the politically explosive possibility that the president could take action to fire Robert S. Mueller III, the recently appointed special counsel tasked with looking into Russian meddling in last year's election and potential collusion with the Trump campaign."

Did no one realize the president's signature catchphrase when they elected him?

[Bee Tagger]

Has anyone made a poster yet with Trump pointing at you like the "I Want You" poster but with the words "You're Fired" in Cyrillic?

[Citizen X - #6]

That is an awesome idea. Hang on, let me call my print guys.

[Crusty Juggler - lamertarian]

I second this idea.

[lap83]

But I thought in Russia you fire Trump

[gaoxiaen]

I want to grab your... pussy, cash, whatever...

[John DeWitt]

Mein Kampf?

[gaoxiaen]

Your'n Kamph. Unless there are largemouth bass biting. Then fuck you.

[Fist of Etiquette]

The jury is now deliberating in the Bill Cosby trial.

The proof will be in the pudding pops.

[Tom Bombadil]

Cosby told the judge he'd like to buy everyone on the jury a drink, but the judge saw right through that.

[Fist of Etiquette]

You know, even without the drugging connotation, I don't think bribing the jury with alcohol would be allowed.

[Bee Tagger]

Attorney General Sessions has asked Congress to make it easier for the Justice Department to prosecute medical marijuana providers.

One last crotch kick on his way out.

[Conchfritters]

Do they serve chocolate pudding in the hoosegow?

[Citizen X - #6]

If Sessions wasn't sitting on an enthusiastic fist when that picture was taken, someone should really tell his facial expression.

Then again, maybe that's the look of a man who gets off on destroying people's lives because he can.

[John DeWitt]

Let's just take a moment to recognize the brilliance of an immigrant who rose form abject poverty, manufacturing products overseas against his will, became a dentist, and then managed to head up law enforcement for the entire country.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C6B35DwUsAA9JPE.jpg

[Zeb]

As Crusty pointed out yesterday, he also looks just like the Illinois Nazi from The Blues Brothers.

[Scarecrow Repair & Chippering]

Or the guy from Laugh In.

[gaoxiaen]

NEEDZ MOAR SWASTIKAS!

[Bee Tagger]

The Golden State Warriors beat the Cleveland Cavaliers last night to win the NBA championship.

At roughly 3am on the East coast, I assume.

[Crusty Juggler - lamertarian]

Doctors remove 28 POUNDS of feces from man, 22, who was constipated since birth due to rare bowel condition

It is believed the young man had Hirschsprung's disease, which causes the bowels to swell because the nerves that are supposed to control the gut are missing.

Doctors said the man looked like he was nine months pregnant because of the painful enlargement and feces backup.

TW: The accompanying photo is slightly unpleasant.

[x'); DROP USER Tony;]

I wouldn't believe anything this guy says.

[Tom Bombadil]

I see what you did there. Awesome.

[Tom Bombadil]

"who was constipated at birth"

His father was fond of bragging: "I change his diapers just as often as his mother".

[Tom Bombadil]

*since birth, sheesh

[End Child Unemployment]

You seem a merry fellow, having a blue jacket and boots that are yellow.

[Liberty =>|<= Equality]

So he only accumulated a little over a pound per year? I'm calling bullshit.

[Tom Bombadil]

I guess a person could be classified as constipated, but still squeeze a bit out now and then, and also lose the will to eat much. But I'm no expert.

[Tom Bombadil]

What I don't understand is the 22 year wait before medical action.

[John DeWitt]

I haven't clicked the link...but I'm going to guess: is this Florida?

[Liberty =>|<= Equality]

Fecal vomiting isn't that bad once you get used to it.

[Tom Bombadil]

South Park did it.

[Meh.]

I think the article alludes to his constipation being manageable with laxatives before, but he went off of them and it recently got so out of hand that he sought medical attention.

[Crusty Juggler - lamertarian]

A true commenter doesn't read articles, newb.

[Meh.]

I like to think I make up for it by not reading the real news articles 🙂

On a side note, how long until I'm not a newb? I've been here for months!

[Crusty Juggler - lamertarian]

how long until I'm not a newb?

After the initiation, which is simply transcribing each of Ken's comments by hand.

[MikeT1986]

Fate worse than death.

[gaoxiaen]

Okay. You have my approval. Except for your lack of scatological references.

[Citizen X - #6]

Until you've originated at least one meme, you don't draw water in this here comment board.

[Chipper Morning, Now #1]

You can either originate a meme or beat one to death. Either option works.

[Crusty Juggler - lamertarian]

"Beat One To Death" was my nickname in college.

[Citizen X - #6]

You can either originate a meme or beat one to death.

These masturbation euphemisms are getting pretty abstract.

[Tom Bombadil]

"On a side note, how long until I'm not a newb?"

Do you have a nemesis yet?

[Chipper Morning, Now #1]

Other than the de facto nemesises that everyone gets automatically: Mikey (except for WakaWaka), Tony, and of course [drumroll] the one and only Hihn.

[This Machine Chips Fascists]

Oh great, another Tulips.

[Chipper Morning, Now #1]

Shut up, Tulip!

[This Machine Chips Fascists]

or Tulpa

[This Machine Chips Fascists]

Two Lips Tulpa

[Crusty Juggler - lamertarian]

Barron Trump's 'The Expert' T-shirt sells out at J. Crew

Barron is not the only member of a presidential family with a taste for J. Crew, as former first lady Michelle Obama was known for wearing the ready-to-wear clothing company.

Make J. Crew Great Again!

[Fist of Etiquette]

Boycott them. FIRE THAT CREW.

[Meh.]

I don't understand the need to constantly turn someone in the White House into a fashion icon... but Barron is my favorite Trump (and probably most of America's?), so I guess I'm okay with this.

[Tom Bombadil]

Melania is mine. High cheek bones and tits, wot?

[gaoxiaen]

Would/Wood

[Chipper Morning, Now #1]

The squirrelz could have really fucked you there.

[The Last American Hero]

Nay, you are excused for my part, lord. You have chosen the Evening; but my love is given to the Morning.

[This Machine Chips Fascists]

http://www.ivanatrump.com

[Crusty Juggler - lamertarian]

James Mattis, the good : Mattis turned down White House calls to go on 'Fox & Friends': report

Defense Secretary James Mattis has been turning down regular requests by White House aides to appear on "Fox & Friends," the New York Times reported Monday.

That Times report is a good read because it shows how Mattis is at least trying to be an adult.

[Red Rocks Baiting n Inciting]

Mattis really is one of, if not the best, of Trump's Cabinet picks. He's way too smart to get caught up in the Trump/media soap opera, and is probably the only one in that administration who will be able to walk out with his integrity intact.

[Crusty Juggler - lamertarian]

And not so good: 6 Big Takeaways From Mattis' Testimony On The DoD's 2018 Budget Request

We need a lot of new stuff, and we are going to be in Afghanistan for awhile.

[John DeWitt]

Well, we certainly can't abandon the good war.

[Crusty Juggler - lamertarian]

Colorado suspends chancellor, reprimands coach Mike MacIntyre, AD Rick George

DiStefano stated that he did not report the allegations because he "reviewed university policy and concluded that there was no Title IX jurisdiction because, as he understood the allegations, the incident occurred off campus in Tumpkin's apartment in Broomfield, the complainant was not a university affiliate and was living out of state, and there was no threat to campus."

I don't understand this one, people.

[Liberty =>|<= Equality]

This might help:

The claim also states that Tumpkin's supervisors knew about the abuse much earlier than in December. The woman is seeking $5,000 per day in damages from Feb. 27, 2015, when Tumpkin allegedly began abusing her at a Boulder hotel provided to him as temporary lodging by the university, until Tumpkin's resignation on Jan. 27, 2017.

It's always about $$$.

[Crusty Juggler - lamertarian]

I was wondering why Title IX applied to the situation.

[Red Rocks Baiting n Inciting]

A university chancellor decided that the 5th and 14th Amendments took precedence over Title IX nanny regs, so now he and the program have to pay penance to the SJW gods.

[Anomalous]

Besides pumpkin, what else rhymes with Tumpkin?

[Scarecrow Repair & Chippering]

Potemkin?

[Ken Shultz]

"A friend of Donald Trump on Monday raised the politically explosive possibility that the president could take action to fire Robert S. Mueller III, the recently appointed special counsel tasked with looking into Russian meddling in last year's election and potential collusion with the Trump campaign."

Robert Mueller is uniquely unqualified to be the Special Counsel for two reasons:

1) He as the head of the FBI for 12 years and is unlikely to look critically at anything his former subordinates at the FBI have done. This is the FBI investigating itself.

2) Mueller was Comey's mentor at the FBI, at one point, they even threatened to resign--together.

No doubt, there would be political fallout if Trump fired him, but Mueller has no business being the Special Counsel. They've basically hired the Grand Inquisitor to investigate the fairness of the Inquisition. Trump is right to be furious at Sessions for recusing himself.

[Crusty Juggler - lamertarian]

Mueller has no business being the Special Counsel

Then why did Trump appoint him to the position?

[Liberty =>|<= Equality]

Trump didn't appoint him, Sessions' assistant AG did.

[Tom Bombadil]

Should have fired that asst AG while he was in the firing mood.

[Ken Shultz]

I'm sure he got the speech: "No soup for you!"

[Crusty Juggler - lamertarian]

Trump didn't appoint him, Sessions' assistant AG did.

Don't Sessions and his assistant AG work for Trump, or has everyone in the department of justice gone rogue in order to embarrass the president?

[Liberty =>|<= Equality]

The AG is in theory supposed to be independent of the prez. Laughable at this point after the BO admin.

[Ken Shultz]

"Trump is right to be furious at Sessions for recusing himself."

That should have been a clue.

[Liberty =>|<= Equality]

And apparently the special counsel was appointed under false pretenses (the comey memos).

[Unlabelable MJGreen]

Poor guy just can't catch a break.

[Conchfritters]

I believe it would be unwise for Congress to restrict the discretion of the Department to fund particular prosecutions, particularly in the midst of an historic drug epidemic and potentially long-term uptick in violent crime.

This fucking douch bag conflates the heroin epidemic with medical marijuana, and then insinuates that the Sinola Cartel is running the states' medical marijuana programs. What's sad is I'm sure quite a few republicans not named Dana probably buy this bullshit.

[Rich]

Will Sessions invoke executive privilege?

What the heck?

[Crusty Juggler - lamertarian]

Megyn Kelly removed as host of Sandy Hook event after Alex Jones interview

Kelly is facing backlash for her upcoming interview with Jones, a noted conspiracy theorist who believes the Sandy Hook Elementary school shooting was a hoax and says 9/11 was an inside job.

She is also losing advertisers for this interview. The conspiracy against Alex Jones is vast.

[Liberty =>|<= Equality]

That whole thing really gets my goat. Kelly was not endorsing Jones' opinions, in fact she was challenging them. If you're doing a show about conspiracy theories, interviewing perhaps the country's best known conspiracy theorist is completely appropriate.

Though to some extent I probably should not be surprised. If Ken Burns did the Civil War documentary today, he'd probably be in hot water for including quotes from Confederate politicians and soldiers rather than just railing against them as homophobic racists.

[Domestic Dissident]

First Putin, now Alex Jones. Is she trolling her own bosses or something?

[Crusty Juggler - lamertarian]

If you're doing a show about conspiracy theories, interviewing perhaps the country's best known conspiracy theorist is completely appropriate.

Apparently that's now a quaint sentiment.

[gaoxiaen]

Tits or GTFO.

[Rhywun]

She is also losing advertisers for this interview.

Advertisers don't like anything edgier than, say, Good Morning America.

[lap83]

Also, he doesn't even dress up his outlandish claims with slick marketing. How gauche.

[Bubba Jones]

Saw a few seconds of GMA recently. It was YouTube clips of dogs.

Eegads.

[Unlabelable MJGreen]

I don't get the hubbub here. They've only released a teaser of the interview, in which she brings up some of his crazy ideas and pushes back on his deflections. Are we just supposed to imagine Alex Jones doesn't exist and never talk about him?

I didn't watch her Putin interview, but I'd be surprised if it's as bad as whatever Oliver Stone has produced for Showtime.

[Citizen X - #6]

Giving an unpopular person a platform is the same thing as agreeing with them on every particular. It is known.

[Crusty Juggler - lamertarian]

Bella Thorne licks her hairy armpit and dons sheer top in racy shoot for new music single

For the 19-year-old Alvin And The Chipmunks starlet shared an image of herself on the cusp of licking her hairy armpits on social media.

[gaoxiaen]

Sessions should:
A: Commit suicide
B:Smoke a joint and chill out
C.jerk off once in a while
D.Read the Koran
E. Shut the fuck up

[gaoxiaen]

I forgot: F: Send lots of people to prison

[gaoxiaen]

This is a poll, assholes.

[Mithrandir]

B, but if not B, than A.

[Unlabelable MJGreen]

B then C.

[Chipper Morning, Now #1]

A via C?

[Unlabelable MJGreen]

Excellent choice, sir.

[Tom Bombadil]

B only if not A until C = D when F > E for all C < 0. Also, people aren't wearing enough hats.

[Mithrandir]

I like it.