Cultural Appropriation

Rob Schneider's Paella and the Mortal Sin of Cultural Appropriation

"When celebrities-and celeb chefs like Jamie Oliver-render Spain's beloved dish unrecognizable, our culture suffers."

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Maybe Salon was just consciously closing out 2016 as it began the year: a parody of its former self. But a few days ago, it actually ran an article denouncing Rob Schneider's version of paella as an awful act of cultural appropriation. Seriously.

The trouble began when the SNL, Deuce Bigalow, and Real Rob actor tweeted out this image of a meal he was making:

Among Schneider's unspeakable crimes are that traditional paella is cooked in a special pan, doesn't include "massive raw lobster tails," and never has chorizo in it.

Salon's Mireia Triguero Roura notes that "Spaniards were outraged" and that Rob Schneider (!) was for a while a trending Twitter item in Spain. And even as she notes that "no two [Spanish] towns can fully agree on what exactly you need to put in a paella," she writes,

It is hard to talk about cultural appropriation in food….at the heart of Spaniards' battle to keep chorizo out of paellas around the world is the sense of protecting a sacred identity….Krishnendu Ray, a New York University professor of food studies, argues in "The Ethnic Restaurateur" that white chefs have more freedom to play with other people's food than chefs of color do, which creates an inherent inequality in the field. To that, I would add that in a world where most people turn to the Internet to find recipes — and English is the de facto lingua franca of the online world — English-speaking chefs not only have more freedom to play around, but they also have the power to ultimately transform traditional dishes from other countries, without so much as an acknowledgement.

As the article's sub-headline wraps up the meaning of the piece, "When celebrities—and celeb chefs like Jamie Oliver—render Spain's beloved dish unrecognizable, our culture suffers."

Whole thing here.

Amazon

At the risk of going full Tonto, you gotta ask, "Who's we, kemo sabe?" Admittedly, I write from a position of white privilege. Though none of my Irish or Italian grandparents, who each emigrated to the United States in the mid-1910s, were considered fully white or American as they passed through Ellis Island, I grew up in a post-Godfather America where even Italian gangsters were considered fully in The American Grain (to use the title to William Carlos Williams' 1925 masterpiece about the fluidity and open-endedness of American identity). But seriously, are you fucking kidding me?

Now, I happen to like Rob Schneider more than most eggheads (his comic turn in Seinfeld alone vaults him to demigod status) and I like paella a lot too (though I have no idea how "authentic" any of the types I've eaten here and in Spain really were). But we need to reframe this discussion unless we want to waste our entire lives endlessly scolding one another for this or that thought/hate crime. As the linguist John McWhorter has written, charging someone with cultural appopriation "has morphed into a handy way of being offended by something that should be taken as a compliment." That certainly seems to be the case here, unless Schneider is secretly part of an arch conspiracy to destroy Spanish cuisine and assimilate into some Hollywood borg of bland liberal whiteness.

There's another point that is typically overlooked in such discussions, which is simply this: All "culture" is based on appropriation. Yes, some people are more mindful than others and more serious or more playful in rummaging through source materials. And who among us doesn't look back at our initial attempts at cooking an "authentic" meal or writing an "authentic" song or story and laugh at our younger and less-sophisticated selves? Every time I hear ELP or Yes play classical music, I laugh at the to-my-mind sad attempts by great musicians to show that they are not just rock stars but classically trained. Sometimes our attempt at imitation leads to a deep study of the original sources and other times it leads to something totally different. Think of how Bob Dylan has assimilated and transmuted countless musical and literary traditions into something that is vastly influential and yet totally idiosyncratic; think of how what we consider yoga was essentially created by a Russian emigre who took it to mid-century American living rooms. This much I know for sure: Whatever constituted, say, Italian American or Irish American identity in 1915 is almost unrecognizable to me, and even less so to my kids, who are even more of an admixture shot through with world culture that was almost completely unavailable to me growing up in 1970s' America. My mother, who grew up speaking Italian and whose parents never learned English despite living in America for 60-plus years, wasn't overly troubled by Chef Boyardee's inedible canned ravioli (half of my childhood, we called it Tuesday dinner).

In 2015, Reason contributor Cathy Young (who escaped the Soviet Union as a child), wrote about cultural appropriation thus:

Appropriation is not a crime. It's a way to breathe new life into culture. Peoples have borrowed, adopted, taken, infiltrated and reinvented from time immemorial. The medieval Japanese absorbed major elements of Chinese and Korean civilizations, while the cultural practices of modern-day Japan include such Western borrowings as a secularized and reinvented Christmas. Russian culture with its Slavic roots is also the product of Greek, Nordic, Tatar and Mongol influences—and the rapid Westernization of the elites in the 18th century. America is the ultimate blended culture.

Stilyagi

Attempts to police cultural appropriation as a form of racism or oppression not only fail in practical terms, they are profoundly misguided,especially in an American context. They are also increasingly a way to smack down less-enlightened, less-rich, and less-privileged people, as when Oberlin students protested the inauthenticity of ethnic cuisine prepared by workers who almost certainly will never have the money or opportunity to attend such a place for education (Triguero Roura cites this incident positively in her Salon piece). In the United States, punishment for the sin of cultural appropriation is generally not particularly harsh. Schneider endured some Twitter abuse and pledged publicly to try again and do better (celebrity chef Jose Andres even tweeted that he'd even "bring the Paella pan." But as Charles Paul Freund reminded readers in 2002, autocrats with the power to imprison and torture are often exceptionally worried about cultural appopriation:

Cambodia's prime minister ordered tanks to raze the country's karaoke parlors. Last fall, Iran announced a new campaign against Western pop music and other "signs and symbols of depravity." And only last summer, the Central Asian Republic of Kazakhstan—just a few hundred miles north of Afghanistan—began a crackdown on dangerous "bohemian" lifestyles. The authorities went after a number of familiar outsiders—gays, religious dissidents—but even Westerners were surprised to learn that one targeted group was "Tolkienists." It turns out that there are Kazakh Hobbit wannabes who like to dress up in character costume and re-enact scenes from J.R.R. Tolkien's novels. For their trouble, they were being subjected to sustained water torture.

History is nothing if not a pageant of folly where the powerful dictate the terms under which "authentic" cultural and national identities are practiced; the Taliban famously banned men's haircuts fashioned after Leonardo DiCaprio's in Titanic and nail salons for women. Rock music was banned in the Soviet Union and Cuba as the apotheosis of Western decadence even as Beatles records were being burned in the South.

Tin-eared and uncharitable policers of cultural appopriation won't prevail any more than Soviet commisars managed to keep jazz and rock at bay or holier-than-thou puritans managed to keep their kids religious in 17th-century New England. But they can make the 21st century a little bit more dreary and constipated than it needs to be. Which is a damned, dirty shame.

Reason TV's Lexy Garcia recently interviewed Roy Choi, the LA-based chef credited with creating a food-truck revolution by popularizing a Korean-Mexican taco. Take a listen to what he says not just about attacks on cultural appropriation but also the ways in which the powers-that-be want to stop innovative ways of selling food.

NEXT: Five ways the Trump administration can negate the anti-Israel U.N. Security Council resolution

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  1. Though none of my Irish or Italian grandparents, who each emigrated to the United States in the mid-1910s, were considered fully white or American…

    I don’t care how many dago guinea wop greaseball goombahs come out of the woodwork! Food cultural appropriation will always be problematic!

    1. I’ll take all this cultural appropriation stuff seriously when people start boycotting Hamilton.

      1. I’m boycotting Hamilton. Hell, I was boycotting Hamilton as soon as I heard of The Bank of the United States. Boycotting the play too.

        1. I logged back in to post a similar reference, AA, while simultaneously criticizing Brian for misunderstanding Fist’s The Godfather reference (while simultaneously seeming to misunderstand Brian’s reference).

          I intended to use bad grammer and pore spelling as well.

          1. Try not being so obvious next time.

        2. Me too. I always ask for two fives instead.

    2. He’s a McWop.

      /ducks tomatoes.

      1. At the risk of going full Tonto, you gotta ask, “Who’s we, kemo sabe?”

        Kemo Sabe – from the Ojibwe word giimoozaabi, meaning “he who peeks”.

        “No, you clearly don’t know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Gillespie. A guy opens his door and peeks in on me and criticizes what I call my food dishes, and you think that of me? No. I AM THE ONE WHO PEEKS!” – Salon’s Mireia Triguero Roura

        1. Tonto is the Apache word for stupid. I always enjoyed that about the Lone Ranger. Both leads insulting each other.

          1. Also the Spanish one.

  2. That looks like something out of one of my worst nightmares.

    #saynotoseabugs

    1. Yeah, it’s a big glass pan of stuff I’m deathly allergic to. Yummy.

      1. Luckily, if I have that problem (?) the projectile vomiting takes care of it for me.

        1. It’s a great way to lose weight.

      2. According to wikipedia the most authentic animal ingredient in REAL PAELLA is Southwestern water vole meat

        It would take a lot of tick bites to make you allergic to that meat.

        1. Well, Fuck me with an encyclopedia! Learn something new every day. You are pretty fucking smart, kid. Did you get beat up a lot in school ?

      1. Long live the new flesh! Of sorts!

      2. Oh, man, I need to watch that movie again. I forgot all about this.

    2. Yeah…it looks like something a 12 year old threw together out of a mishmash of things he likes but don’t go together. Rob, you are a great comedian. Leave the cooking to me.

  3. “Admittedly, I write from a position of white privilege.”

    Are you fucking serious?

    1. Sarcasm meter, calibration thereof, etc.

      1. I’m not so sure on this one.

        1. Then recalibration is impossible, it’s been shocked too much. You’ll need to buy a new one.

        2. It seemed pretty clearly sarc to me.

        3. 100%, guaranteed, absolute, doubtless sarcasm.

          1. I don’t know. Maybe he has been hanging out with Robby too much lately?

            Also, Poe’s Law.

        4. I’m not either Playa. In fact, I cant tell if anything in that article is serious, parody, fiction or what. This reads like the front page of Bizarroland News. I don’t even mean Nick, I mean the subject matter and events described. The whole thing is a discussion that should be taking place on the chronic wing of the local mental hospital.

          This is what happens when we let people take our children, insulate them from reality and pump their heads full of scrambled shit during their formative years.

          1. It’s what happens when something shifts under us. Salon is now pretty well known for what it is — hyperbole in the pursuit of unthinking emotional Progessivism. But it used to have honest articles. I had a subscription for a while. When they began the shift, it took me a while to figure out that the new nonsense was actually believed by its writers and editors.

            So any response to a Salon article by non-proggies has to be presumed as either sarcasm by a veteran or lolwut y a rookie. Nick is no rookie.

            1. It wasn’t aimed at Nick, it is aimed at the fact that we are even having this discussion.

        5. It is amazing to me that people on here deny the existence of white privilege. Of course that is a thing. What is important is that it is irrelevant for any sort of political purposes, just like black privilege, gay privilege, intelligence privilege, good looks privilege, tall privilege, or any other sort of privilege arising out of the fact that people are fucking different.

            1. And mulatto privilege is being able to link to any video you damn well please, without worrying about NSWF warnings.

            2. To show off the tats, I assume.

          1. It is amazing to me that anyone on here can accept the idea of the existence of white privilege and still have the temerity to think that they’re a rational human being, never mind a libertarian.

            FTFY

    2. You know Roberto is just funning you.

        1. I think Eugenio was doing a bit.

          1. You’re the only one who gets me.

      1. Some of those Russians are stilyagi after all these years.

        1. The music around the slightly reminded me of the first Godfather movie.

          (I have not watched the movie past the first three minutes)

          1. “The music around the” 3:00 mark “slightly reminded me….”

            Sheesh (at self)

    3. The author is a known serial killer who has no respect for bovine Americans and wears their skins.

  4. white chefs have more freedom to play with other people’s food than chefs of color do

    lolwut

    1. Also, Spaniards are “chefs of color” now? How does that work?

      1. Hispanic, bro. Hispaniola. The word may be culturally appropriated, but the feels remains valid.

        1. So the drops of color found their way back to Spain by some sort of reverse osmosis? Got it.

          1. Progressive Science, man. Look at all the wonders it’s done for Economics and Social Justice Warfare.

            1. Hence ‘white hispanic’ Zimmerman

          2. It’s the 0.2% Moorish that makes them “of color”. I guess.

            Seriously, though, I think the “stupidest statement of 2017” contest is already over. Sad!

        2. People from Spain get to check “Hispanic” on school and occupational applications, and get the same affirmative-action style advantages that a person from Mexico or El Salvador would get. I’ve seen a number of individuals take advantage of this, and had a residency classmate from Spain who helped fill the program’s diversity requirement. But if you are from that same Iberian peninsula, but just happened to be on the wrong side of the border, in Portugal — oops, sorry, you are an oppressive white person, no soup for you.

          Many years ago I dated a blond-haired, blue-eyed woman who looked about as Nordic as one could be. But her parents lived in Argentina, so she got to check off that she was of Hispanic descent. She got into law school with pretty mediocre grades and LSAT scores after that.

          1. I used to go out of my way to choose minority or female doctors when I switch companies or they switched health plans. Then along came affirmative action and ruined it.

            1. So affirmative action has made it so you are more likely to get competent doctor if you pick a white one? Unintended consequences.. how do they work?

          2. I’ve got family in Brooklyn. They adopted a couple kids, one from Guatemala. When the Guatemalan kid went to apply for the highly competitive schools, he wasn’t allowed to apply as a diversity child because his adoptive parents are white. So as far as the city of New York is concerned, he is also white and doesn’t count.

          3. Was Carmen Miranda Hispanic or not?

            (She was born in Portugal, but moved to Brazil at a young age.)

          4. Under the odd definitions for “Hispanic,” based heavily on colonial history, I still remain ever-tempted to claim that descent from the Dutch of the Spanish Netherlands gives me the right of proggie benefits!

          5. Conquistador has such a better ring. Can it be added?

            1. Only if they wear a Spanish comb morion.

              1. Grooviest helmets in the West!

      2. Many Americans project their moronic race obsession onto every culture that is even vaguely foreign to them?

    2. Hmmmm. Wonder if Carla Harris on The Chew would agree?

  5. white chefs have more freedom to play with other people’s food than chefs of color do,

    [citation needed]

  6. This article is an absolute waste of Lobster Tails and Nick Gillespies.

    1. No it’s great fun to laugh at these clowns.

    2. I hear he is best as a leftover the next day.

  7. Admittedly, I write from a position of white privilege.

    sigh

    1. You too? Sarcasm meter needs calibration.

      1. Who the hell knows these days?

        1. Wait …. are you being sarcastic?

  8. Admittedly, I write from a position of white privilege.

    I had to double check that Robby didn’t write this. Anyway, no, Nick, no you don’t. No one does. There’s no such thing. The concept of “white privilege” is a lazy, racist trope that ignores the very real influences of socio-economics, culture, family history, a whole host of variables that go to creating the background against which an individual creates himself or herself.

    1. A third sarcasm meter out of calibration! What happened? Was it the Trump win which shocked everybody so much? Did you not carry your sarcasm meter in its approved Safe Space Pouch?

      1. I’m not sure it’s sarcasm, but even if it is, using the term jokingly still solidifies its place in language as a real term with a legitimate meaning. There’s nothing that pisses me off more than when some idiot trots out the term “white privilege”, and I’m going to make 2017 the year that I stop putting up with that shit.

    2. “I had to double check that Robby didn’t write this.”

      Yeeeep. I scrolled back up to make sure.

    3. White privilege appears to refer to the state of not being impoverished, bot being illiterate, and not being abused by the police or suspected of being a criminal.

      In other words, the normality that everyone should have.

      If you have it you are supposed to feel guilty, and submit to punishment because you “stole” it from those who have subnormal lives, due either to failed government, most often Democratic, policies or bad life choices and inadequate parents.

      1. If you have it you are supposed to feel guilty,

        The point isn’t for you to feel guilty, the point is the sentence you had just said:

        In other words, the normality that everyone should have.

        Yeah, I wish it were put a little differently, I think it comes at it from the wrong angle and it’s not as applicable nearly as often as it’s trotted out, but you basically made the point. Not everyone currently has that “normality”.

      2. “and not being abused by the police or suspected of being a criminal.”

        Well, NOBODY really gets to enjoy that luxury anymore.

  9. OT: So who pissed off the Links Makers ?

    Did we not donate enough ?

    Are they still too hungover ?

    Will H&R Links resume as the #1attraction here at Reason ?

    1. #3….. duh.

        1. Playa No say.

          If you know what I mean (and I think that you do).

          1. If you know what I mean (and I think that you do).

            No se.

            1. Bless you

  10. “Spaniards were outraged”

    Nobody cares what a bunch of Gachupinos say.

    […] “white chefs have more freedom to play with other people’s food than chefs of color do, which creates an inherent inequality in the field.”

    White chef privilege.

    I had to laugh. That was the funniest stupid thing I have read in months.

  11. Huh. I appears that Mireia Triguero Roura wrote her drivel in English.

    1. Reverse cultural appropriation!

  12. Great, now I want a Korean-Mexican taco.

    Crying cultural appropriation, like PC, has at its heart a good idea: be thoughtful before opening your big mouth, or wearing a feathered headdress at Coachella etc. But that good idea gets ignored in favour of the fun of virtue signalling (if you’re an SJW), or signalling how bravely non-PC you are (which often is really another type of virtue signalling). In the end, they have just fuelled some people’s basic dickishness to either be a bully or a rude arsehole. And anyone of good will gets pelted by both sides.

      1. I could go that short rib taco

      2. That Blackjack Quesadilla looks incredible.

        1. I love kogi tacos, but every time I’ve had something other than the basic tacos, it’s a gooey over the top mess, and not in a good way- it’s just gross. I’ve had that quesadilla, and it was nowhere near as good as it looks.

          1. Even the basic tacos are a little greasy. They fry the corn tortillas about 1/3 of the way to chips, which is one of the reasons why they’re so delicious.

    1. Crying cultural appropriation, like PC, has at its heart a good idea

      No, it was never a good idea. The worthlessness of the idea is only hidden by how wildly inconsistent its proponents are in its implementation. The only honest way of implementing the practice would be the removal of all non-Anglo Saxons from our culture. And no, I don’t approve of that sort of thing. And the proponents of this nonsense are the first to speak before thinking.

      Your error is one of overgenerousness. They were never interested in winning anyone’s hearts or minds or achieving fairness. They were bullies out of the gate.

  13. Spaniards have always valued cultural authenticity. That’s why, after they conquered as much of the world as they could grab, they fully respected the local cultures.

    1. And Rob Schneider’s wife is Mexican, with Spanish heritage. Would it be okay if she did the cooking, or is that still appropriation? Where’s the cut off?

      1. Hmmm…we’re going to have to ask our distinguished panel of judges.

        On the one hand, Rob Schneider’s wife has Spanish heritage, but it probably came from the rape of indigenous peoples. On the other hand, she can honor her indigenous heritage by seizing the cuisine of the dominant culture which was forced upon her. On the other other hand, this would be degrading to her raped ancestors. On the other other other hand, Spanish cuisine would only be a fair form of reparations. On the other other other other hand, she threw away the advantage of her oppressed status by marrying a white man and letting him misuse the reparations which she was supposed to use to make meals at a indigenous battered women’s shelter.

        Ruling: Schneider is still white, and he still sucks.

      2. He forced her to cook for him? SLAVER!

      3. Rob’s maternal grandmother is also a Filippina, so he has some of his own mixed blood.

    2. They did?

  14. “My name is Inigo Montoya. You appropriated my culture with your recipe. Prepare to…wait, what am I saying?”

    1. ALTERNATE PUNCH LINE: “Prepare to diet.”

      1. Paging Swiss Servator …. paging … owtf

        *narrows gaze*

  15. We just need to expand copyright law to include cultural appropriation, and make any infringement, however small, punishable by death.

    1. “I’d rather see a 100 innocent men die, then to have one more white kid talk about anime.” – Sir William Blackstone

  16. Here’s a good argument for “traditional” morality.

    If you become “enlightened” and stop feeling guilty for boning your neighbor’s wife, then your guilt instinct doesn’t disappear, it simply moves into other areas, like feeling guilty for made-up BS that doesn’t hurt anyone.

    1. Or you even feel guilty for stuff that’s actually good, like choosing the best school for your child.

  17. Notice how progs always have to speak for other people? “Spaniards were outraged”

    How about you say “I was outraged”. Then it’ll be more obvious what an insufferable cunt you are

    1. The magic of Twitter is that “several idiots” = “an entire nation”.

  18. One of my 2017 resolutions is to ignore useless crap like this. Starting……NOW!

    1. See, it just made me crave paella with chorizo in it. In fact, it’s becoming difficult to even imagine paella without chorizo as an integral ingredient.

  19. My thought was = now the spanish must know how it feels when economists look at their country.

    1. The west ate my homework.

    2. So, the same thing happened in Times Square?

    3. That awkward moment when social conservatives and progressive leftists realize how much they have in common.

  20. Que rico!!

    No accents, no inverted exclamation marks…NOT OKAY.

  21. Pretty much every single cuisine depends upon so-called “cultural appropriation”.

    Irish – potatoes from the Americas
    Thai, Sichuan, Indonesian – capsicum peppers from the Americas
    Mexican fajitas – black pepper from Asia and cheesemaking, beef fajita meat, and wheat flour from Europe
    Brazilian and Colombian coffee – coffee from Africa
    Swiss chocolate – cacao from Americas
    Argentine beef – beef cattle from Europe and black pepper from Asia
    New Zealand lamb – sheep from Europe and black pepper from Asia
    Lager beer (everywhere on the planet) – Germany

    The whole idea of culinary cultural appropriation is insane nonsense. It’s a perfect cause for progressives.

    1. Don’t forget most pizza and marinara sauce – tomaters are a ‘new world’ plant.

      1. Indeed, the Italian diet was much different before the introduction of the tomatoes; and no less interesting.

        Ravioli with cinnamon for example.

        1. Spaghetti and noodles came from China

    2. I blame it all on pervasive global warming…

    3. Japanese – Tempura (the word itself is from Latin) deep frying cooking method from the Portuguese.
      Indian Vindaloo – vinegar from the Portuguese and potatoes from the Americas.
      Guamanian SPAM – from Hormel.

      1. Not food related but a cultural appropriation none-the-less:
        Britain – Monarchy from France, Spain and Germany.

  22. WHYCOME YOU NO COOK WHITE FOOD?!?!?!?

    1. Mayo? Rice pudding? Vanilla soft-serve ice cream?

      1. A Pope Jimbo hotdish?

        Yes, that’s a euphemism, you freaks.

        1. Hold on. That is sort of hurtful.

          Of course after 25 years of marriage, my sex life is pretty much like hotdish. A bland comfortable mishmash of old leftovers.

          1. p.s. Please don’t let Mrs. Holiness know I referred to her as old leftovers. I’d like to make it to 26 years.

  23. traditional paella is cooked in a special pan, doesn’t include “massive raw lobster tails,” and never has chorizo in it

    I put my chorizo in all your paella, not only traditional one.

    //those euphemisms

  24. Salon’s Mireia Triguero Roura notes that “Spaniards were outraged”

    How many Spaniards? I’m going to need to see millions of signed, notarized, affadavits. Otherwise, I’ll just assume the vast majority of Spaniards couldn’t give a fuck less about Rob Schneider’s menu.

    This provides me an opening to make a reference to that NYT piece about hipsters appropriating lesbian culture; aside from what I can only regard as unintentional laugh-out-loud entertainment value, it highlights the desperate lefty need to compartmentalize, tribalize and collectivize every single person on the planet.

    “If I cannot assign you a specific identity classification, my world is upended.”

    1. When you use Twitter as an original news source, then yes, there were tens of Spaniards outraged.

    2. It will be funny as hell if Spaniards start copying Rob’s menu.

    3. I seem to recall Spanish people considering the term “Spaniard” offensive, too.

    4. “If I cannot assign you a specific identity classification, my world is upended.” very good observation. If someone is mixed race, this cannot be allowed–they must be assigned to the minority caste. If they fail to conform (e.g., by speaking white, see Drake for example) they will get abuse forever. A white person in South America who moves to the US magically becomes a disadvantaged hispanic. If a white man likes asians and married one, instead of giving him points for being a living example of overcoming prejudice, it is said (in sneering tones) that he has yellow fever. Tribalism in an increasingly mixed and complex world simply cannot do anything but cause chaos.

  25. Anyone know of a freaky DC pizza joint where 11yr old girls squat in your paella?

    Happy New Year!

    1. It’s right under reason’s office. Two slices and a drink is $7.

  26. By the way, this seems to be a replay from three months ago:

    Jamie Oliver angers Spaniards with ‘insulting’ paella recipe

    He put his chorizo in their paella, too.

    1. Spanish chicks are sexy. I’d totally put my chorizo in their paellas.

      1. I don’t like hairy food.

        1. Kids these days

  27. Here’s a thought: if you can’t make paella with chorizo and Rob Schneider put chorizo in that dish, then he ain’t making paella, is he? And why the hell are these Spaniards appropriating American culture by stealing our Twitters?

    1. Chorizo in paella is like beans in chili.

      It’s no longer chili.

      Deep dish pizza is for those who like a mouthful of dough with spicy catsup on top.

      Everybody knows this.

      1. I am not taking that bait. I am not going to do it.

        1. DO IT, TAKE THE FUCKING BAIT and jam it up his paella!!!

      2. The only true pizza is a crust of unleavened bread, with a smashed tomato on top of it. That’s it. A communion wafer and a crushed tomato or GTFO.

    2. “stealing our Twitters?”

      They shouldn’t even be using electricity.

  28. Shorter article: everyone at Salon is an idiot. This just fits along with my comment earlier in the jobs thread. No shortage of jobs for derptards who specialize in race/etnicity, sexuality/gender derp at lefty derpsites. And also that they probably get more clicks from websites referencing how retarded they are. It’s a giant circle jerk.

    1. Stalon just hired one conservatarian chick as a columnist. So now they have her, Greenwald, and sometimes Paglia. Three non-morons.

  29. Krishnendu Ray, a New York University professor of food studies, argues in “The Ethnic Restaurateur” that white chefs have more freedom to play with other people’s food than chefs of color do, which creates an inherent inequality in the field.

    My dishwasher harbors resentment that it was not born a Ferrari. Years of therapy have not put an end to its mopery.

    1. Krishnendu sounds like a non-white person blaming outside factors and white people in general for his failed career as a chef.

      Am I the only person who doesn’t walk into the kitchen of every restaurant I go to, just to be sure the guy cooking my food is white?

      1. In the DC area, it is actually true that if you go in the men’s room of many inexpensive Asian restaurants, you will see that no one has ever cleaned the inside of the door and it is covered in greasy handprints. I’m now keeping stats.

        1. And yet you keep going in them?

  30. I call all food paella. FYTW.

    1. Plus (as my token Puerto Rican friend often notes) it’s pronounced “PI-AA-JAH”.

  31. I like to put andouille sausage in my paella. I like to call it jambalaya.

    =D

    1. Well, so what? Lots of libertarian are gay.

      1. Just one

      2. That was unfair but funny. I’ll allow it.

      3. Well you guys are always looking for new and unique euphemisms. =D

  32. Those “Soviet Stilyagi” kids are actually Teddy Boys from 50’s London, but otherwise good article.

  33. “Salon’s Mireia Triguero Roura notes that “Spaniards were outraged”

    No they weren’t. You made that shit up Mireia. Even if you hadn’t made that up, who gives a fuck?

    “Spaniards’ battle to keep chorizo out of paellas around the world”

    Actually I wouldn’t be surprised if some European country were trying to control what people half way around the world are doing in their kitchens, but I would have bet on the French.

    1. So what exactly is the crime here? Is it the combination of things Rob put in the pan, or the fact that he used a certain word to describe it?

      1. He’s white

      2. paella – pa’ ella = for her

    2. Actually, the EU as a whole is doing it.

      More interestingly, the Tokaj wine-making region has extended into Slovakia since the Treaty of Trianon in the 1920s, but when the region started distributing Tokaj wines internationally, the Hungarians had a shit-fit.

      1. Then there was the time the French tried to make pasta and pissed off Italy.

        Barillo had to distance itself on social media. Cuisinewank is hi-larious.

        1. “We’re open to all kinds of variations on the carbonara, but this goes too far?d?sol? [sorry],” Barilla reportedly wrote on its official Facebook page.

          You mean the writer couldn’t go to the official Facebook page to check?

        2. I’ve eaten “pasta” in France. Calling it an abortion would be kind.

          1. Try a French “steak” some time.

        3. Are you sure that was made in France and not the UK? Boiled bacon seems like something the British would commit.

  34. I feel that Anglo-Saxon cultural heritage is robbed, humiliated and defamed everytime anyone without roots in the British Isles doesn’t drop their load in the woods or inside a shack with a half moon on it. Why does everybody else feel so damned entitled to squeak one off and flush it seaward? If you don’t come from a land where Halloween is celebrated your damned butt cheeks should not know the kiss of a toilet seat. I relive the pangs of cultural rape whenever I have to bum the roll from a third-worlder one stall over.

      1. Look again breaker boy and read careful this time: http://www.history.com/news/as…..ush-toilet

      2. Did you even read the article you linked to? Try not to be so lame please.

    1. a shack with a half moon on it

      Now, exactly that would be appropriation. Half moon doors are American thing, in Europe it’s usually heart in cartoons and rhomboid in practice.

  35. Reason TV’s Lexy Garcia

    She’s going by Lexy now? Good god, she was already too saucy for my blood.

    1. SIV stalks her (that goes without saying, I guess), and he can probably hook you up with some photos that will completely destroy your attraction.

  36. Never been a Rob Schneider fan, but I would praise him effusively if he publicly told Salon to go fuck themselves.

    -jcr

  37. So no one is going to acknowledge the fact that Rob Schneider’s mother is Filipina and he clearly made a Filipino-style paella?

      1. Two consecutive SFW links? I haz disappointeds

        1. Yet another in a very long list of disappointing Heroic Mulatto links.

      2. Forgiven:)

  38. “When celebrities?and celeb chefs like Jamie Oliver?render Spain’s beloved dish unrecognizable, our culture suffers.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!

    1. White chefs are number one threat to Spanish culture

      1. The group tried “to force open some of the doors in the external fence, using iron bars, wire cutters and large stones

        “Large stones”, indeed. Especially when facing automatic weapons.

      2. Fact: the last time I was in Morocco my lady friend was being chased by a killer, so I ran across rooftops while being chased by the police until I jumped off a roof and through a window in order to defeat the killer in a deathly bathtub match.

        1. I remember when that happened. The camera work was very confusing.

  39. Cultural appropriation: Why everything in America is better.

    1. Well said. Happy New Year, Suthen! How’s the vodka sitting?

      1. Happy new year to you as well Rich!

        I am about half pickled right now.

        1. Only half? You need to work harder.

        2. I am about half pickled right now.

          That’s common at your age.

  40. Rob Schneider is half-Filipino. Is it still cultural appropriation when the Spaniards literally came and made his ancestors appropriate it at gun point?

  41. doesn’t include massive raw lobster tails,” and never has chorizo in it.

    Lobster tails and chorizo? They go together like lamb and tuna fish. Or, if you prefer, spaghetti and meatball.*

    In all seriousness, you can do it!

    *This clip sums up cultural appropriation.

    1. They go together like lamb and tuna fish.

      “It’s not illegal *yet*.”

      1. Damn your nimble fingers!

    1. Sorry guys! I’m distracted by the Wisconsin-W.Mich game. On Wisconsin!

      Hier.

      1. The man, who initially refused to give his name but was later identified as Joseph Murphy, was arrested Sunday near Disney Springs and faces charges of battery on an officer,

        Should just be battery; “battery on an officer” shouldn’t be a separate crime.

        indecent exposure of sexual organs

        Not possible by definition.

        and resisting an officer without violence.

        Bullshit charge. If I ask, “Officer, am I being detained?”, that’s resisting an officer without violence.

        1. This man literally pissed on the authority of the state. He will be charged with anything and everthing the prosecutor can come up with.

          1. This man literally pissed on the authority of the state.

            If you believe the affidavit.

      2. Oh shit, I should have read on:

        Murphy was placed in the trooper’s patrol cruiser, where he began banging his head against a partition and tried to choke himself, the report said. Murphy was yelling “police brutality” as he kept banging his head, the affidavit said.

        This I really doubt, too.

      3. And of course, the few comments blindly believe the pigs and suck their dicks.

  42. But seriously, are you fucking kidding me?

    Appropriation can be bad, like Nick copying millenial writing styles.

    1. Appropriating Soave’s writing style is bad; appropriating his hair is A-OK.

    2. Don’t be a primo square. Nick is a far out hep-cat, and he doesn’t want you to forget it, daddy-o.

  43. Also,if we’re going to complain about culturally appropriating race dishes, shouldn’t Spain have to stop making paella altogether? Ain’t much rice growing in Iberia…

    1. Ain’t much rice growing in Iberia…

      That’s not true.

      The Moors planted plenty of rice in Andalusia.

      Now paella cooked with non-halal ingredients, however…

      1. I’m sorry, the card says “Moops”.

        1. How did you know I was The Assman?

          1. By your videos we shall know ye!

  44. To that, I would add that in a world where most people turn to the Internet to find recipes ? and English is the de facto lingua franca of the online world ? English-speaking chefs not only have more freedom to play around

    …said no one ever who had to figure out how many grams of butter in a tablespoon.

    1. 1 tablespoon of butter is 0.00086565355 poods.

    2. “English is the de facto lingua franca” hilarious self-example of appropriation.
      “de facto” is Latin “in fact”
      “lingua franca” also Latin but means “French Language” because at one time French was the international language of culture (though not of science).

  45. Mireia Triguero Roura…into the soup pot with her…with some fava beans and a nice chianti…

    1. I’d jump into the pot and stir her paella, if you know what I mean. For seriously you guys, she is apparentl a Fullbright Scholar.

      1. Halfbright Scholar, anyway.

        1. who speaks with humans no less…obviously a goddess walks among us…

      2. I can write, take pictures, film, and code.

        HTML, CSS, Javascript (jQuery) and ruby

        Oh boy..

      3. Her instagram is full of appropriated food. How delightful.

  46. *crosses “authetic paella” off bucket list*

  47. I want to know which of those outraged in the name of cultural justice plans to tell Masaharu Morimoto that he’s an appropriating imperialist bastard.

    1. Kanagawa would disagree.

      1. The Ohta faction’s mission in life was to tell Morimoto to stop mixing centuries of perfectly normal proud culinary tradition with all that fiddly weirdo foreign muck like fermented mammalian excretion, random oddments stuffed in intestines and Coca-Cola.

        Bless them. I think they gave up.

        1. There are no borders to ingredients.

  48. I’ve never tried paella. Need to find a place locally that’s known for it. Seafood paella looks particularly good.

    1. Used to be a Portuguese place on Market and Larkin in SF. The Paella was a wonderful cold-day lunch, but what was in it changed often enough.
      I figured Paella was Portagee for “Mulligan Stew’.

      1. It just occurred to me that I live a hop, skip, and a jump away from the oldest continually inhabited European settlement in the US, a city that was founded by the Spanish themselves in the 1500s. And one of my favorite restaurants there is a Spanish/Cuban place. And sure enough, that place has a full page in their menu devoted to paella.

        Problem solved, I guess!

        1. It would seem that at minimum, Karl, you will have an opportunity to try something new.

          1. Yep, I may actually make that happen this weekend.

            1. Please ask for extra chorizo in whatever paella you choose.

        2. Anybody living inland tosses various meats and veggies in the pot. Those along the coast toss in whatever got caught today.
          Everybody tosses in some spices, some more than others; Gumbo

      2. A lot of old world cooking classics were ways to use up leftovers.

        Pizza was what italian bakers did with leftover dough and oven heat. They eventually started putting leftover ingredients on top of it.

        1. “A lot of old world cooking classics were ways to use up leftovers.”

          And what was seasonally available. Sour Kraut wasn’t invented to avoid fresh lettuce. You can slop pigs over the winter; cows get slaughtered in the late summer.
          Root veggies? North Europe, north Asia if it’s not summer.

    2. The best paella place around here is a secret. They’re one of the original importers of Jamon Iberico de Bellota (first to get the US import license, iirc), but officially, they’re just a meat store. They sell paella out the side door on the weekends, and it’s so popular that you have to call a day prior to reserve a bowl.

      1. and it’s so popular that you have to call a day prior to reserve a bowl.

        That’s why nobody goes there anymore.

      2. It’s been my experience that places like that are worth the wait.

        1. Did I also mention that they’re a meat store?

    1. It is said that the last shall be first, so therefore…

      1. If you’re not first you’re last.

    2. Yes, after only one post for two days, with 1000+ comments, the Reason gang stuffed six new stories into the morning/early afternoon, and now they’ve likely gone silent until tomorrow again.

      Come on, how difficult could it be to space out these articles a bit? Don’t you want each to get read and fully appreciated?

      And yet again, we’re stuck with an article about food to post comments on for the foreseeable future…..

  49. Wait, I left two hours ago… and Rob Schneider’s Paella controversy is still the most recent post?

    1. Oh, never mind, Federal Holiday. The beltway is asleep. And the last thing I want to do is wake anyone up over there.

      1. well, I’m at work!

        1. Well, so am I, but I’m roughing it in the private sector.

  50. I did gnocchi alla romana topped with a porcini ragu for New Years. This has enraged the wops, who kindly reminded me that they’re quite experienced with nailing Jews to crosses..

      1. Something to that effect was said by a nice fellow named Rocco. Large guy, crooked nose. Apparently plays violin.

        1. I have a 90 something-year-old Italian aunt who would eat what you cooked in a heartbeat.

          1. I have a 53 year old Quaker wife who did eat what I cooked in a heartbeat.

  51. links?
    ok, fine.

    got nhl 17. pretty fun so far, its my first sportball game in maybe 10 years.
    i might just delete the Facebook. it might be killing me.

  52. Ingredients of traditional Spanish paella a la marinera (the sort of paella that most Americans have in mind. There are in fact many varieties.)

    25 threads saffron, crushed (a heaping 1?4 tsp.) — native to Southwest Asia
    1 lb. boneless monkfish filets, cut into 2″ pieces — local
    Salt – local
    Freshly ground black pepper, to taste — native to south India
    1?2 cup extra-virgin olive oil – local
    8 langoustines or extra-large head-on shrimp in the shell – local
    10 oz. cuttlefish or small squid, cleaned and cut into 1″ pieces – local
    1 tbsp. smoked paprika – native to the Americas
    4 medium tomatoes, minced – native to the Americas
    3 cloves garlic, minced – native to central Asia
    1 green bell pepper, cored and chopped – native to the Americas
    1 small onion, minced – local
    7 cups fish broth – local
    2 1?2 cups short-grain rice, preferably Valencia or bomba – introduced to Europe through Western Asia
    1?2 lb. small clams, cleaned – local

    1. it was fine until [some exact moment in time]!

      it’s like reparations. we owe the natives something, but when one tribe killed off another for land before we got there, that didnt count. its a very specific cut off.

  53. “Op-Ed: Yes, Donald Trump ‘lies.’ And news organizations should say so.”
    […]
    “…The early returns in this debate are not encouraging. In fact, they suggest that we in the news media are simply unprepared for the challenges the Trump presidency will pose to us. I’ve already tried to argue that news orgs are needlessly helping Trump’s use of unverified claims result in precisely the headlines he wants.”
    http://www.sfgate.com/opinion/…..830925.php

    Hell, they spent eight years learning to be lap-dogs and now they gripe they’ve learned well?
    “You can keep your doctor…” needs to be rammed up their butts, intent included.

  54. No PM links. So I’ll put this here.

    Blackberries, beavers, and plastic bags: proposed bills before the NH state house

    Blackberries, beavers and plastic bags are all on the agenda for lawmakers this year.

    Nearly 1,000 Legislative Service Requests (LSRs) – requests to have bills drafted – have been filed by New Hampshire’s citizen legislators for the upcoming session. Many of them come from constituent requests.

    On this New Year’s Day, we take a look at some of the more unusual bills that will come before lawmakers this year.

    1. Blackberries…

      To be fair, blackberries are a massive pain in the ass when they go wild and become invasive, so I can see why they’d want to ba…..wait, they want to make them the state berry? Are they fucking retarded?!

      A group of fourth-graders…

      Oh…

  55. At least lawmakers aren’t sleeping.

    Distracted driving caused 3,477 traffic deaths in the U.S. in 2015, a 9 percent increase from the year before, and “a deadly epidemic,” according to the National Safety Council (NSC). In the state distracted-driving deaths jumped from 130 in 2014 to 171 in 2015, nearly a third of the overall 556 traffic fatalities in 2016.

    Victims’ families, state troopers, prosecutors and high-school DECA chapters are working on the safety commission’s task force.

    Nothing like passing legislation on the hard-won wisdom of high school kids.

    1. Gina Bagnariol-Benavides, left, and Theresa Fawcett lost their sister, Jody Bagnariol, and friend Elisabeth Rudolph in a crash on I-5 at Napavine, Lewis County, in July. Just before impact, the driver’s husband, sitting in the front passenger seat, took a selfie. (Steve Ringman/The Seattle Times)

      Wait… a passenger took a selfie so the crash was caused by ‘distracted driving’?

      1. Yeah, driver was compelled to head tilt and duck face.

        1. forced, really. no other option

          1. According to the article, the driver was hands at 10 & 2, looking through the windshield during the crash. But the family isn’t satisfied.

            but Lewis County prosecutors concluded from the photo that the driver was still facing forward.

            1. Must have used a flash.

              He was blinded by the light !

              Revved up like a duce.

              Another teen driver in the night.

    2. It’s not an epidemic if it’s not contagious!

  56. So absurd. However there are much better reasons to assert that Rob Schneider is an ass-hat. Just google “Rob Schneider vaccines autism”, for example.

    1. His paella definitely causes autism. 1:1.

  57. “When celebrities?and celeb chefs like Jamie Oliver?render Spain’s beloved dish unrecognizable, our culture suffers.”

    The same brand of logic employed by those who tried to use government violence to prevent same-sex marriage.

    1. Examples of government violence against same-sex-marrying people or their supporters?

      1. Any law that prohibits same-sex marriage is, by definition, government violence.

        1. “Look, we’re married, recognize us and fine anyone who won’t recognize the papers you give us!”

          “No.”

          “Come see the violence inherent in the system!”

          “There’s violence inherent in the system, all right…”

        2. Nothing says “violence” like a denial of government benefits! Still wasted from New Years?

          1. Maybe you misunderstood me. I’m talking about any law that actively prohibits consenting adults from forming whatever union they like, not about a denial of “benefits” or sanctions against people who choose not to recognize a marriage between two people of the same sex.

            1. I don’t think he misunderstood. Nobody was forcibly prevented from forming a gay/lesbian union before Obergfell. They were just not given a piece of paper and a pat on the head from the government.

              The ONLY government coercion involved in the gay marriage issue has been forcing wedding cake makers and photographers who did not want to associate with said marriages to do so. That is the only libertarian nexus to the issue, and of course it’s the part that Reason and their cosmo pals ignore.

              1. No. People were simply deprived of their private property to support the institutions that a religious group favored. And to add insult to injury, people are forced by law to do business with those religious groups.

  58. Psst, new post at 5:39pm.

  59. Note sure how a glass cake pan filled with corn and seafood is paella… Looks more like some sort of abomination of a clam bake from Boston…

  60. Rob Schneider is an equal opportunity cultural appropriator. It’s an office tool, not a costume!

  61. So, if cultural appropriation is evil, shouldn’t we enforce a pairing of individuals be strictly between two, or more if you’re one of those polyamorous people, individuals that share the exact same religion, creed, color, education, principles. Etc? If we don’t outlaw marrying or dating outside your currently defined lines are we not guaranteeing that appropriation will take place? A mix of two people, even if children are raised after adoption, ensures that cultures would become mixed and appropriated.

    So it is obviously silly to even try and figure out where cultures came from as they have been mixing over millennia. Also, you obviously should not try to control whom someone will choose as a partner. However, this all starts to sound like the real ploy will be as ridiculous as I suggest above. Top Men will decide who you can and cannot have a relationship with.

  62. The desire for cultural purity is usually associated with conservatives. The Brexit vote for example.

  63. “What am I supposed to do with all this Paella?”

  64. If it weren’t for cultural appropriation I would never have learned that Black people were shiftless, ate watermelon and chicken, played dice incessantly, or could pop their eyes from their heads when surprised or frightened.

  65. But we need to reframe this discussion unless we want to waste our entire lives endlessly scolding one another for this or that thought/hate crime.

    Some people want to do that.

  66. Most people could have gotten away with it, but Schneider is a repeat offender for cultural appropriation. Deuce Bigalow Male Gigolo anyone? Not to mention appending “meister” to everybody’s name despite not having a drop of German blood in him.

  67. “Cultural appropriation” is a non-thing. Not only does it not exist. It isn’t a concept that has a legitimate meaning. No one “owns” a culture. Even a culture in and of itself is not really a thing in any way but as a convenient reference to the common habits and traditions of people in a given area. But, each of those habits and traditions can only be considered to be “owned” by the individuals who created the habit or tradition. Anyone who tries to claim a unique right to the habit or tradition because their ancestors were neighbors of whoever the original innovator was is simply a leech trying to use others’ achievements to browbeat others. If I adopt a habit you practice, I haven’t taken your practice from you. And you have no right to tell me what habits or practices I’m allowed to practice.

  68. I suppose it is a good sign that SJWs now get upset about cultural appropriation from white Europeans, even if they are former imperialists, colonialists, destroyers of cultures, and slave traders.

  69. I suppose it is a good sign that SJWs now get upset about cultural appropriation from white Europeans, even if they are former imperialists, colonialists, destroyers of cultures, and slave traders.

  70. No idea what the fuck chorizo is.

  71. Schneider forgot the second rule of Top Chef. If you call your food something, particularly a panna cotta, but also a gumbo, risotto, or anything else finicky, you have to meet other people’s expectations or hear some sneering restaurateur/guest judge tell you “that’s not panna cotta” while Padma sneers and agrees in the background. If you say “I made a play on a panna cotta,” you can serve them a giant smoked turkey leg and they won’t complain as long as it tastes good. If Schneider had said “my original dish playfully and loosely inspired by paella,” he would have been fine.

    (The first rule of Top Chef is for the love of Heaven, don’t put inedible garnishes on the plate. Apparently Padma and the assorted guest judges cannot be trusted to determine whether they should eat that whole ghost pepper, thorned rose, lit candle, or whatever it was that you thought would look good on the plate.)

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