Happy Broadway-Boycott Thanksgiving From The Fifth Column!

Three-headed podcast takes on New York bubble-politics, the objectionable Jeff Sessions, Kanye's breakdown, and more

@ThomasLibertee

Has it really been three weeks since we've recorded a new episode of The Fifth Column, your very favorite podcast that stars Kmele Foster, Hollywood Mike Moynihan and yours truly? Ha ha, no, I just wanted to reward those who have already subscribed, which is Latin for sorry pal too busy you don't know the half of it. In fact we did a post-election bit Nov. 11 with comedian Andrew Schulz, and then a pretty slurry one Nov. 18 with Kat Timpf, after which, as I explain in this week's installment, we learned about a case of reverse-Broadway discrimination that will blow your mind. Or at least make you feverishly Google through my terrible attempts to mask the drinking establishment in question….

Other topics include the lousy record of likely Attorney General Jeff Sessions, Kanye West's ongoing breakdown, and the great Saturday Night Live commercial for "The Bubble," which you should just probably watch right now:

Here is the whole Fifth Column episode:

URLs at which you can download, interact with, recommend to your friends about, and write reviews of, The Fifth Column include: iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, wethefifth.com, @wethefifth, and Facebook.

Comments

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

I like the oversized scarf on the dude in the Bubble commercial... which was excellent by the way.

[Playa Manhattan.]

You liked the girl too. You can say it.

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

I thought it went without saying. Are there new rules I'm not aware of?

[Citizen X]

My cousin was friends with her in college. I could hook you up. Let me know.

[Playa Manhattan.]

Of course that's a yes. Paul isn't getting any younger.

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

There's a lot of things I'm not getting...

[You ARE a Prog (MJG)]

You're talking about Aidy Bryant, right?

Because I saw Sasheer Zamata first.

[pan fried wylie]

"In the bubble, we don't see color....but we celebrate it."

+1 eyeroll

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

BTW, if Kanye is having a "breakdown", what do we call what Lena Dunham is going through?

[Playa Manhattan.]

He's still in much better mental shape than she ever was.

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

I saw something wrote the other day and I'm genuinely worried about her. She's becoming unhinged. I mean that sincerely. It's one thing to not agree with... well, pretty much anything someone believes in or says, but then it goes beyond agreement, it's all just batshit insane.

[Playa Manhattan.]

I'm not current. What did she do or say that's out of the ordinary for her?

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

Hillary Clinton Is More Than a President
She is an idea, a world-historical heroine, light itself.

But the feminist hero never got to be a legend first. And yet she is one, easily surpassing Ben Franklin, Henry Ford, Steve Jobs.

We don't have to wait until she dies to act. Hillary Clinton's name belongs on ships, and airports, and tattoos. She deserves straight-up hagiographies and a sold-out Broadway show called RODHAM.

But such is the courage of Hillary Clinton and her supporters; we reverse patriarchal orders. Maybe she is more than a president. Maybe she is an idea, a world-historical heroine, light itself. The presidency is too small for her. She belongs to a much more elite class of Americans, the more-than-presidents. Neil Armstrong, Martin Luther King Jr., Alexander Fucking Hamilton.

http://www.lennyletter.com/pol.....president/

When you write that way about a political leader, there's only a very thin, frayed thread between what you're doing now and goose-stepping down the street.

[Playa Manhattan.]

That's not satire? It has to be.

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

She wouldn't recognize satire if it pushed her into a wood-chipper.

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

I'm glad you see it the same way I do. Again, I'm concerned.

[sesuncedu]

She didn't write that piece. She may have been too busy stalking OBJ.

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

Huh, you're right, someone told me it was Lena Dunham, then I did a search and it came right up. The site itself is somehow related to Lena Dunham, but I don't know how.

Well, I guess I feel better for Lena then. Because that just seemed too retarded, even for her.

[Greg Loves His Woodchipper]

I'm surprised at how many people seem to have not noticed that detail.

[Lurker Kurt]

I would love to see the play 'Rodham'...

if Trey Parker and Matt Stone wrote it.

[Cynical Asshole]

I would love to see the play 'Rodham'...

if Trey Parker and Matt Stone wrote it.

Holy shit, that would be epic. Anyone know their contact info? Someone needs to pitch that to them right fucking now.

[Zeb]

So, Hamilton is the greatest American Hero now? When did that happen?

[The Last American Hero]

Well, the Party of Jefferson is getting their asses kicked in the polls for the last 6 yrs, so they decided to re-brand as the Party of Hamilton (minus the icky parts).

[Cynical Asshole]

When did that happen?

When he had the good decency to get himself shot and killed before he got to become president?

We really need to bring back dueling, especially for our political "leaders."

[Citizen X]

People who molest their younger siblings and then feel compelled to publicize the fact aren't generally what a layman would call "not batshit insane," it is known.

[Citizen X]

"Making off" or "cutting in"?

[Homple]

Flensing.

[Ted S.]

Still no RSS podcast?

[Crusty Juggler]

I only listen to vinyl.

[SugarFree]

RSS Podcasts are just... warmer, somehow.

[Citizen X]

+1 $200 set of speaker cables hooked up to an Acer laptop

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

Pretty soon, people will be inserting RSS into their podcasts to give it that vintage sound.

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

I only listen to vinyl.

Because the hood from the vinyl body suit covers your ears?

[John]

Reason makes a very good case that Sessions is a serious drug warrior and thus a bad pick for AG. Notice how the Left hasn't said a word about Sessions record on the drug war and instead focuses on bullshit charges that he is a racist. That should tell you something about how they really feel about ending the drug war; ie they don't care about it.

[Zunalter]

How can they pit minority groups against the white devil if the main driver of that animosity ceases to exist?

[Matt Welch]

Yeah, we touch on some of this in the podcast.

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

What else do you touch on?

[Greg Loves His Woodchipper]

After reading this morning's piece I hope for their sake it's not teenagers' feet

[Fist of Etiquette]

So far Chad is my favorite character.

[Hugh Akston]

Why didn't anyone mention that Moynihan looks like William Sadler in Die Hard 2?

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

I'm still trying to formulate why Kmele's image is racist.

[Crusty Juggler]

The artist felt it necessary to white out half of the only black man's face.

[Crusty Juggler]

Good point, Hugh.

Related: Moynihan does naked tai chi before each podcast.

[Hugh Akston]

Are you sure it's 'before', Crusty?

Are you sure it's not 'during'?

[Crusty Juggler]

I think it's way of "warming up." Moynihan does naked tai chi, Welch drinks too much alcohol, and Kmele does pushups while making money.

[Crusty Juggler]

*his* way.

[Citizen X]

Careful, you're getting close to having Welch call you "unseemly" on the air again.

[Crusty Juggler]

He was referring to everyone else.

[Pro Libertate]

The one with the recurring DS9 role?

[Hugh Akston]

Ooh, yeah he was badass on DS9.

[GILMORE?]

I just wanted to reward those who have already subscribed, which is Latin for sorry pal too busy you don't know the half of it. In fact we did a post-election bit Nov. 11 with comedian Andrew Schulz, and then a pretty slurry one Nov. 18

If they didn't get an update post here, and we were not allowed to make snarky remarks, its as though they never actually happened.

its the whole "tree falls in woods, nobody hears it" thing, man.

[Real and Legitimate News, Jr.]

DAMMIT ROBBIE, WHERE MY LINKS GONE??

[Citizen X]

Fuck! I had first comment, too!

[Jerry on the sea]

The Links are getting a Medal of Freedom?

[Injun, as in from India]

Oh f*** it. Here's my old video again:

Hitler upset about missing H&R links

[Half-Virtue, Half-Vice]

a classic!

[You ARE a Prog (MJG)]

You got Matt's attention, but he described it as Robby being "a few minutes tardy," so your work is not done.

[Tonio]

It's never a good sign when they post non-links articles after 4:00 PM. It means they know...

[Injun, as in from India]

Between missing links and squirrels, I may take another long break from H&R.

[Tonio]

Noooooooooooo..........

[Derp-o-Matic 5000]

Rico is on Links duty again, I see...

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

People don't understand the pressures that Robby's under.

[Half-Virtue, Half-Vice]

What am I supposed to sit in my cubicle and work while I wait for that sweet links action??

[Derp-o-Matic 5000]

The Links are what get me through the last half hour of my day. I need them.

[Half-Virtue, Half-Vice]

I've got a bad feeling about this.

[Hugh Akston]

What kind of insane mirror world is this where SNL is producing skits that are not only self-aware, but humorous?

[GILMORE?]

One of the defining characteristics of the 5th column podcasts which i enjoy is that they can't ever get through an introduction without all three of them interrupting each other and inserting random free-association-remarks.

Someone here needs to change their name to Tipsy McStagger

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

It is my understanding that I'm not supposed to use my real name.

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

Hey, apropos of Trump tweeting, I heard an interesting passing story on NPR where they were pointing out that Trump hasn't given a real press conference in months and keeps tweeting instead. They went on which sounded like a grumble that Trump was bypassing the Gatekeepers of Democracy, and speaking directly to The People-- essentially pointing out that Trump preferred twitter as his primary communication tool.

It kind of struck me that when BHO came in, the media fawned that he was the "social networking president" with many suggesting that this means he "gets it" like the previous old white men didn't.

I'd argue that Trump is actually THE social networking president, blowing BHO out of the water in this regard.

[Lurker Kurt]

Don't you get it?

Only Democrats care about the people and are 'hip' and 'cool' and up on the latest technology. Republicans can only ever be retrograde and crypto-fascists.

It is known.

[GILMORE?]

Matt Welch joins the long tradition of people who sit awkwardly through communion.

"I'm here for the incense and the music; it helps with the hangover"
/me

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

To prove just how badly time has gotten away from me, regarding the SNL commercial there was a quick tagline at the end that didn't sink in immediately: It's Brooklyn, with a Bubble on it!

I haven't been to NY since the 80s, and I still picture Brooklyn full of people like this.

But yet everything I hear and see from pop culture is... yeah, it's full of people in like in the SNL commercial.

[GILMORE?]

The reality is that "elitist-hipster/lefty" brooklyn is just the visible minority. Its a dozen neighborhoods out of a hundred neighborhoods.

Even Williamsburg/Greenpoint used to have a majority of polish, puerto ricans, italians . They were not as visible, but they were there. I think by now they've now been swamped... but even so, that's just one corner. I doubt the hipster contingent in Bushwick has cracked 20% yet.

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

I keep hearing about this "park slope" place-- I think HBO even has a new show about it and, yep, full of people with oversized neck scarves and pursuing "creative" careers.

And about that article, note it says:

'High Maintenance' Is The Best Show About NYC (And Now It's On TV)

Now, I don't mean to get all 'relativist' on anyone, but if you wrote a show about NYC, one of the countries biggest, most diverse cities (sorry, I'm still in Fort Apache mode when I think of NYC), I'm not sure you could condense it into a bunch of 20 something hipsters living in a 12 block area. That would merely be a show about a bunch of hipsters living in a 12 block area. It wouldn't be a show "about NYC".

[GILMORE?]

Park Slope is the whitest place in all of Brooklyn

(*brooklyn heights is more expensive, but rich people are also sometimes black)

i forget the technical boundaries - the park to the east, flatbush avenue to the north, 4th avenue to the west... and the south... is sort of open-ended, sort of like how the definition of "williamburg" crept further and further east & south after Northside/Bedford avenue became too expensive.

Williamsburg - at least in the 2000s - was the place where you lived in your 20s and were living in a loft and playing in a band and doing coke and going to rooftop DJ-parties....

Park Slope was where 30-40-something ex-hipsters moved when they had a baby, stopped doing drugs (*except for the occasional weed) and spent their weekends in coffee shops and going to BAM recitals.

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

I'm having trouble finding this scene funny. Mainly because it's very similar to conversations I've actually overheard, so I'm struggling to find the humor in it. To me, it's like sitting in a restaurant next to a loud couple.

I'm going to take a guess that the writers thought it was kind of an extreme, funny version of inevitable anxieties us folks go through when we pass from youth into semi-full blown adulthood but don't have any real struggles to deal with, like knowing where your next meal is coming from.

[GILMORE?]

is the guy a weed-delivery dude?

That's very apropos. Especially if he's also a part-time actor/yoga-instructor.

[You ARE a Prog (MJG)]

I think Williamsburg is still ground zero for broke neck scarf artists. Park Slope is the gentrified area for new parents with alternative ideas about raising the next generation. The kind that try to ban ice cream trucks.

[GILMORE?]

Park Slope is the gentrified area

Park Slope was white as fuck even when i was a kid.

Tho.... if you watch the movie(s) "Smoke"/"Blue In The Face".... that was actually supposed to be park slope when it was less uppity and very-liberal. (*more like where it bordered with real brooklyn)

[You ARE a Prog (MJG)]

Good point. I too often use "gentrified" in place of "expensive and trendy as hell."

[GILMORE?]

I too often use "gentrified" in place of "expensive and trendy as hell."

Thats probably a fair usage of the term. Most people would understand it that way.

In the context of 'brooklyn neighborhoods which change character very-quickly' - the Slope was one of the least-gentrified... because it was sort of always that way... and just got *more* that way.

When i think "real-gentrification", i think of where my gf lived on the border of Ft Greene & Bed-Stuy, which was on a street where one side was all brand-new wine-shops and book stores and artisanal-bakeries.... and the other side of the block you still could buy crack.

there's definitely 2 meanings of 'gentrified' - either "getting more expensive", or "getting more *white*".. Which is often the same thing, but not always. Greenpoint was certainly less-expensive before, but not really 'less white'.

[GILMORE?]

I would bet - re: mike's comment about 'deep red' Hasidic brooklyn - that Greenpoint probably went for Trump as well.

[Cynical Asshole]

That bubble commercial just made my day. First the "Trump supporter on Black Jeopardy" sketch and now this. That makes up for the idiotic "Hillary sings Hallelujah" crap. Which one of SNL's writers isn't a pinheaded progtard?

[GILMORE?]

Who is the "Shep" they kept referring to?

[GILMORE?]

What Mike describes is basically "The Gell-Mann Amnesia Effect" when he suggests the problem with the media isn't engaged in 'conspiracy' so much as the combination of shortcuts-and-incompetence

(- he even says, "periodically the make a mistake where all is revealed)

e.g. "never attribute to malice what could be explained by incompetence"

we want to believe that people are actually all experts and that they're being willfully dishonest, when in fact they're mostly just trying to hew to the few topics they *do* (sort of) understand.

[GILMORE?]

Dont worry Matt, I myself frequently confuse Kanye (West) with Conway (Twitty)

[The Lone Loner]

I've been running a total Broadway boycott my whole life...