Election 2016

Trump To Be Next U.S. President, Republicans Retain House and Senate, Eight State Cannabis Measures Pass: A.M. Links

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  1. You maniacs. You blew it up.

    1. Hello!

      Trump has inspired me to make me great again.

      1. Was there a time when you weren’t?

        1. There were moments, friends, where I was not. Am I not human? But now this is all in the past!

          /puts Make Rufus Great Again cap on.

          1. Am I not human?

            Well, homo-canadian.

      2. NO. You don’t get to be great again. Get your country its own savior.

        1. How do you know Rufus isn’t our saviour?

          Well, this is most delicious ? Trump has the House, the Senate, and a pen and a phone (nice work, Obama, you waggle-eared idiot!). Trump will become wildly popular with huge swaths of the American electorate if he dismantles the ACA, Obama’s only real “legacy.”

          Man, I really need to start buying popcorn seed in 20kg sacks . . .

      3. So are you going to move from Canada to the US and free up some space for the US immigrants?

        1. Those poor, poor celebrity bitches and bastards. They can go form their own damn useful idiots country!

            1. Why *shouldn’t* California be independent? The only reason why not is the possibility of rival military establishments, but I imagine that defense deal or looser terms of association could do the trick.

              1. Oh, and a free trade zone. But they don’t need to keep messing with America with their electoral votes and Congressional delegation.

              2. Because the people in most of California aren’t progtards?

        2. It’s the Polite, Canadian thing to do.

        3. It’s the Polite, Canadian thing to do.

      4. If I were you, I’d get started on beefing up the Border Patrol. For some reason all the white people I know from Tallahassee are planning on moving to Canada and not Mexico for some reason…

        1. There’s a shortage of broom ball, lacrosse and hockey sticks at the moment needed to beat the hordes back.

        2. I can only imagine how that campus was last night! Wish I could have seen it!

    2. Cytotoxic hit hardest. Where is that child?

      1. Probably still grounded.

      2. He’s been gone for a while. Boarding school? Or may be his class mates destroyed all his devices and he now has a girlfriend that is funny. Get over it.

    3. Most people chose Fat Man or Little Boy. Blowing it up was assured.

  2. Donald Trump was elected president of the United States…

    Methinks a certain foundation is going to see its donations start to dry up.

    1. Vanish like a fart in a cyclone.

    2. That would be too bad. My heart bleeds.

    3. nah, I need my annual “Free Minds and Free Markets” t-shirt replacement.

    4. It’s done so much good work.
      Can I say: “Gods work in some of America’s toughest neighborhoods” good work?

    5. Eh, she can still run for senator. As long as she gets a hold of some sort of reigns of power she should do fine.

    6. Won’t someone please, please, think of the children!

      And by that I mean Chelsea Clinton’s children. Now they’ll probably have to settle for jetting around the world in a used Gulfstream 5 instead of a brand new G6. The horror… the horror! /sarc

      1. I think Clintons usually travel on someone else’s jet. So that shouldn’t be a problem.

        1. I think Clintons usually used to travel on someone else’s jet.

  3. Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson came out with around 3.3. percent of the vote.

    I’m holding out hope for ~5% in the poll tomorrow.

    1. Johnson got 5.3% of the vote, Weld -2%.

      1. Ouch. But not Turd or Douche got 10%.

  4. 254) I didn’t vote for the man, I think it’ll be a disaster, but the tears are making it almost worthwhile. Check out the comments here, for example.

    “Well, that’s it. The guys driving the diesel Ford F250s are in charge now.”

    ” To Jamelle, and every other “can’t lose!” fool; It’s your fault.”

    “What the eff has happened?”

    1. The news media suddenly discovering their job is to report the news, instead of fellate all the powerful peoples, will make is worthwhile.

      1. The only lesson the media will have learned is that they just need to partisan hack harder.

    2. “So, how many of Slate’s editorial staff do we think will be in jail the day after the inauguration? I’m going to set the over/under at 5.”

      “Not that soon. He’ll go after the NY Times first.”

      Weren’t these people against Citizens United?

      1. Weren’t these people against Citizens United?
        Yeah, but they don’t actually understand what that means.

    3. Last night Facebook became an inferno of butt hurt. I’ve never seen anything like it. Looks like the Democrats did one hell of a job instilling fear into their base.

      1. One comment from my feed: “Fuck you, America.”

        No, it’s not America’s fault–this is the same America that elected Obama twice by commanding margins. Nominate a better candidate next time, one that doesn’t have a decades-long slime trial of corruption behind her and personifies the establishment elites, no matter if “it’s her turn” or not. Is there any doubt that Bernie or Biden wouldn’t have won those Rust Belt states?

        1. I like the meme that “White Males put Trump into office”.

          White males (non-hispanic) are around 30% of the population.
          Even if they went 2/3 for Trump (I have no idea),
          that’s still only 20% of the population voting for him.
          There’s still a shit ton of votes coming from somewhere else.

          1. Trump won 13% of the black vote and 29% of the “Latino” vote.

        2. The lefty elites have decided that it’s an unfortunate necessity that the rust belt dies. This might be academically true, and it is why they correctly rejected the Bern, but at the same time, you need to show some empathy.

          I truly hope that Scott Adams is correct and Trump is not actually a mercantilist, but that he will use the threat of mercantilism to negotiate deals that help the rust belt transition.

          Yeah, I know, probably not possible, but it’s a goal I can respect. Trade deals have all kinds of barriers in them, better to use them to help the working class than to help Wall Street.

      2. But I thought “fear won”. That’s what I’m hearing.

      3. Cast your eye on today’s NY Daily News cover, if you dare.

        1. The “House of Horrors” headline and an upside-down distress flag?

          1. Yes. I expected nothing less from that rag. They turned hard-left in the last few years.

      4. The saltiest rant from my Facebook feed:

        Fuck everyone that voted for Trump. You have voted for the oppression of women, people of color, LGBTQ+ folks, immigrants. You should be ashamed of yourself. I don’t want anything to do with anyone who voted Trump. My heart is so broken and I have so much fear and disgust at my fellow citizens. Everyone please stay safe you know these Dump Trucks are out there and they’re violent.

        1. I live in Sacramento, the salt is piling up on the streets and no one can get to work.

    4. “Alexander Nazaryan ?@alexnazaryan
      This may be the darkest day in American politics since Watergate.”

      Jesus. Christ. These people are beyond help.

      1. #whitelashmatters

        1. Rum, sodomy, and the whitelash? A slogan we can believe in!

    5. “Well, that’s it. The guys driving the diesel Ford F250s are in charge now.”]

      And here I’d hoped the left would collectively pull their heads out of their asses and realize that maybe snide remarks like this that helped give rise to Trump.

      1. “Well, that’s it. The guys driving the diesel Ford F250s are in charge now.”]

        You mean those guys who actually know how to do shit?

        1. The ones who actually buy products made in america?

      2. Feeling superior is half the point.

    6. The main headline on Slate right now is “White Won,” written by a black dude. Mmmmkay, buddy.

  5. Hillary Clinton seems to have won the popular vote.

    LET’S ALL START TALKING ABOUT DOING AWAY WITH THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE.

    1. Start? That’s been going on since 2000.

      1. This is what federal funding for college leads to!

      2. I THINK ELECTORAL COLLEGE ATHLETES SHOULD BE PAID.

        1. The students loans at that place are fuckin’ onerous.

          Yuuuuge, even.

        2. *stands to begin applauding*

          1. *Forceful slow clap*

        3. The student loans at that school are horrible.

          Yuuuge, even!

        4. I THINK ELECTORAL COLLEGE ATHLETES SHOULD BE PAID.

          I haven’t been around much lately but this post reminds me how great this place can be.

          1. See Trump isn’t even in office yet and he’s already making H&R great again

        5. not when they’re responsible for the Electoral College rape crisis

    2. I’m fine with getting rid of the EC on one condition. That the Winner still needs to get >50% of the Vote. That is one boon to the EC is that there is an outcome where no-one is a clear winner.

      1. How about breaking down electors by district instead of statewide?

      2. No. The EC is the embodiment of Federalism. The people who protest the EC are the same people who can’t get their heads around State sovereignty. I want protection from those people. I don’t want them exporting their California laws to Texas.

        Likewise, I don’t think they would accept Texas laws in Cali.

    3. It looks like Trump is going to finish with 310 electoral votes. As someone with no real skin in this race I, for one, would like to see Clinton drum up 41 faithless electors. I think she can do it.

    4. Except in California.

  6. bring on the salty tears!

    1. I can’t keep up with all of the FB tears this morning!

      Dear America- fuck you. The last 30 years or so have been fun, but they have all been a lie. I thought you believed in freedom, justice, love, and equality…but I was wrong. There have been signs for a little while that I couldn’t trust you, but I chose to ignore them. I guess that’s my fault… but I know without a doubt now. Don’t call, don’t text, don’t write. I am going to try my best to keep you far away from my son and possible future children. I want them to turn out nothing like you. Really America… What have you done? Signed- a disappointed, scared, and heartbroken “American” mother.

      1. Heh….I had one in my feed saying “Devastated, and yes I am taking this personally. Every vote for Trump was a vote against my children!”

        1. The left really is insane.

      2. Heh….I had one in my feed saying “Devastated, and yes I am taking this personally. Every vote for Trump was a vote against my children!”

        1. The left really is still insane.

          1. the Squirrels are strong in this one…

        2. Fuck your stupid kids, lady.

      3. I am almost tempted to log in to the Facebook (for the first time since March) just to bathe in the sweet sadness, but i like a lot of those people and would like to continue to respect them in real life.

        1. I deleted my Facebook years ago, but since a few friends have decided to text me about the election I have decided to insult them non-stop. It’s fun.

      4. I’m gonna be off FB for a good long while

        1. I’m thinking until at least a month after the inauguration.

        2. Never joined. Never missed it.

      5. I love all the “minorities” complaining about how if you can’t see what’s wrong with the election results, it’s proof of your privilege or whatever.

        I’m just like “I’m a bisexual Muhammadan, I think that’s like the top of the oppression stack by most calculations, and I don’t think the results are all that onerous. Get over it.”

        1. And on that aside, I STILL don’t see how they can claim their votes are for minorities and women when voting for a candidate who describes black youth as “superpredators”, describes women coming forward with sexual abuse accusations as “bimbo eruptions”, was against gay people until a historic mid-term election where 1/3 of gay people voted for Republicans out of frustration (prompting every Democrat to “miraculously” have a change of heart simultaneously on the subject of gay marriage), and who wants to deny Muslims Second Amendment rights without trial.

          1. “against gay people”

            You mean not giving activists who supposedly spoke in their name everything they asked for?

      1. His tears taste like Cheerwine.

        1. Mixed with mushy peas.

        2. I’m torn on this one – the mere thought of my beloved Cheerwine being associated with anything Krugman is an affront to my upbringing in NC.

          But what could be as sublimely tasty as Krugman tears other than Cheerwine?

          1. I miss Cheerwine. I like to buy a case when I’m down in the Carolinas.

            1. I found a distributor here in Tampa that sells the glass bottle (cane sugar rather than HFCS) Cheerwine by the case. $25 for 24 bottles – good deal for those!

              I’m just dreading the day he passes – guy is in his mid 70s and does this because he really likes soft drinks…

      2. Is America a failed state and society? It looks truly possible.
        Holy shit! That changed fast from the “I’m so proud to be an American! Glass ceilings broken!” vibe the media had going a few hours earlier. These people may be putting a bit too much weight on one election.

        1. I had a sad sack text from a prog friend shortly after. I asked whether maybe now is the time to embrace Madisonian federalism. No response.

        2. Big emotional swings based on a 1% difference in votes.

        3. But it was The Most Important Election Ever!

      3. Yummy you guys! Yummy!

        Or, in the words of Dr. Cox:

        “I honestly don’t think I can have one more bite of your painful humiliation. I find I’m just a little stuffed.”

    2. The Clinton Supporters when crying early last night

    3. You ain’t kidding. My friends are in full on meltdown mode.

      1. I actually got to work early to relish in the tears of my coworkers. Especially after they mocked me for nonparticipation in elections.

        1. They’re just gonna be pissed off at you and everyone else who didn’t vote or voted 3rd party. If it weren’t all of us wreckers and kulaks, Herself would have won easily, you see.

          1. I had to explain multiple times, in very small words that my vote for Gary Johnson (in Ohio no less) was not a vote for Trump.

            1. First choice libertarian Gary Johnson
              Second choice the Gary Johnson we actually got
              Third: not voting
              4th: Maybe Jill Stein for giggles
              5th Trump

              Hillary was never going to happen.

        2. I work with mostly Indians. They’re more amused than anything else – like me.

          1. “Well, they’ll stop laughing when Trump drags him to the wall and throws them off the top!”

            /prog

    4. I’m angry and tired and sad. I’m ashamed, not of Donald Trump, but of my country that has elected him. My state that has elected Pat Toomey. I’m ashamed of being an American today. For those that know me, not something I ever thought I would say.

      To my black friends, I love you.
      To my Hispanic friends, I love you.
      To my gay friends, I love you.
      To my female friends, I love you.

      I will protect you.
      I will defend you.
      I will fight for you.

      Don’t give up and keep fighting for what is right and good.

      Be proud of who you are.
      Fight the hate.
      Fight the selfishness.
      It was true before and it’s true now.
      Love trumps hate.

      1. What about the black, or Hispanic, or gay, or female people who voted for Trump?
        Do you love them too?

        1. Those are not my words. Just some facederp I read this morning. My self personally, I don’t love anybody.

          1. Me either because people suck.

    5. some FB feed goodness:

      We’re surrounded by fucking idiots. Thank god Canada is so close! Who’s coming with me?

      A Reply: I’m actually frightened that if we leave we wouldn’t be able to get back in to see my family at some point. It is a fucked up feeling.

      OP: I’m a little scared of that too. I wouldn’t put it passed him.

      1. Thank god Canada is so close! Who’s coming with me?

        What’s wrong with Mexico?

        1. It’s going to be swamped with deported immigrants when Trump takes office, duh!

      2. I was thinking of this & it occurred to me that there was a time when people fled to Canada because they didn’t want their sons to die in Vietnam. Now they’re threatening to flee because their feelings are hurt.

        1. Tories, fugitive slaves, draft-dodgers – except maybe the Tories, people who fled oppression.

          Now it’s the people who wanted their candidate to oppress others.

          Canada needs to build a wall and make Salon pay for it.

    6. and one more:

      If you are feeling suicidal or concerned for your wellbeing and safety national suicide hotline 1800-273-8355. You can also call me nnn-nnn-nnnn. I love you and you are important and loved.

    7. and another: People were told to vote for Hillary in MI because its a swing state but they didnt listen. By bye gay rights and equality it was nice knowing ya.

      1. Also seeing lots of “how classy Obama is and how he will be missed”

      2. HATE WINS

        I’m feeling more oppressed already.

    8. final: “I work with all trump supporters. They often complain how the “liberal media” wants to paint them as racist and they are not. Yes, in conversation they adamantly defend against being racist, but at the same time they continually share racist memes on Facebook. Do they not recognize racism? What is the disparity here?”

  7. President Donald J. Motherfucking Trump!

    The sore-losing is fantastic.

    1. My Derpbook is wall-to-wall, glorious pants-shitting.

    2. He’s got America by the pussy now!

  8. No spoilers! I still don’t know.

    1. Wait, there was an election yesterday?

      1. I actually made it all year with MacAfee’s ad being the only political ad I saw. Maybe I win.

        1. DQ for being out of the country.

  9. Here’s how financial markets and world leaders have been reacting.

    Please be tweets, please be tweets, please be tweets.

  10. ALL HAIL GOD EMPEROR TRUMP.

    1. Has he donned his sandtrout skin yet?

      1. I’m looking forward to the army of Fish Speakers. Those ladies are HAWT

        1. I’d come out of the Retired Reserve to be an Auxilia of theirs….

    2. I fully expected a Hillary victory and a 10,000 years reign by her corpse.

      1. No blood for the Blood God… this time.

  11. Republicans will keep their majority in the U.S. House and Senate.

    The midterms should be interesting.

    1. As far as the Senate goes, the Democrats (and Independents caucusing with them) will be defending 25 seats while the Republican only will be defending eight. Five of those 25 are in deep red states. The House may be the battleground, but redistricting and statehouse control have been good to the Republicans.

  12. “It’s Over”

    –John Stossel 2016-11-09 0100

    1. His vision isn’t 20/20 anymore.

          1. *adds narrow gaze*

            1. What’s with all the squinting?

              1. Appropriating Asian culture.

                1. yeah but we can do that now because Trump won

              2. It’s like a Lee Van Cleef convention around here!

                1. +1 Charlie Bronson

                2. ^THIS, GLORIOUSLY THIS!!!^

  13. California Proposition 60, which would require condoms to be used in adult films, was defeated in California.

    Prop blocked! Jizz for everyone.

    1. *narrows orifices*

  14. Republicans will keep their majority in the U.S. House and Senate.

    “I’ve got the best coattails, the very best, the longest ones, believe me.”

  15. Great tweet by Amash.

    1. Pity that the band probably does Coldplay covers

    2. Paul/Amash 2020

      1. Let’s make that happen. I 2nd the semi too. *blinks at what I just typed

  16. The biggest upset is Trump coming back from the evisceration he had at the hands of John Oliver.

      1. “YAASSSS KING SLAY TWERP”

    1. But Oliver DESTROYED him!

    2. “I know, we will call him Donald Drumpf all the time. It will be HILARIOUS.”— John Oliver to his production staff

      1. The worst was hearing groups of “right thinking” people all say it and then awkwardly force the expected laugh. Ha ha lol. Drumpf!

        1. That’s *President* Drumpf to you.

      2. Mike M approves this message

  17. The salty ham tears on Facebook last night were pretty glorious. An alumni buddy of mine actually called me to talk him down from his distress. I told him this is a great example of why constitutional limits on powers are so damn important.

    1. I told him this is a great example of why constitutional limits on powers are so damn important.

      Unfortunately, both sides are going to draw all the wrong lessons from this exercise.

      1. ^DoM5K gets it.

        1. “But… but filibustering is what we do to the other party…”

    2. The salt from Hollywood progtards has been the best. Nick Offerman started off the night saying that no matter what happened, we needed to stick together. At the end, he was basically saying “Fuck you, America.”

      Yeah, Nick, it’s easy to be magnanimous when you think you’re going to win, you emotionally stunted toad.

      1. Would be awesome if his Parks and Rec character turned people on to Libertarianism.

      2. I still like his woodworking.

  18. Still drunk on the deliciously intoxicating proggie tears.

    The four-year Trump hangover is going to be a motherfucker, though.

    1. Yes…. One Day to Relish in Tears. 4 years for our Hubris!

      1. Get used to saying “Attorney General Christie.”

        1. Oh, fuck.

        2. Who the fuck cares, has this country EVER in any of our lifetimes had even a halfway decent AG?

          1. Grant had a Klan-busting AG named Ackerman, IIRC.

  19. Congratulations Ken and John. I didn’t think Trump had a chance.

    1. Me either. I was certain that in a close race Hillary was going to win. I didn’t think the polls would be so massively wrong.

      1. John said they were using 2012 polling models and Clinton wouldn’t bring out the same demo as Obama. The one bit of prediction I made is Trump taking FL, because I saw no enthusiasm for Clinton in the state, but I thought she would make it up elsewhere.

        1. I always thought John’s point was correct regarding the 2012 model, but I didn’t think it would make enough of a difference for Trump to win.

        2. Polling has been virtually useless for almost a decade now according to some sources, this latest example hardly seems note worthy except perhaps as a nail in the coffin of political polling. I believe even Gallup was getting out of the game since they admit they are no longer predictive.

    2. I have been posting for a year that Clinton could not win for all the reasons she did not win.

      1. And I suppose you’re going to be humble and conciliatory and not rub it in everyone’s face?

        Ha ha, go ahead and gloat, you’ve earned it.

    3. “Congratulations Ken and John. I didn’t think Trump had a chance.”

      Credit where credit is due.

      But John’s still wrong about everything else, agreed?

  20. Oh, to be able to see Obama’s face as the sun rises on his legacy: a GOP, House, Senate and White House.

    Glorious.

    1. His tears will be the most precious of all.

      1. Each one turns into cubic zirconia as it falls on his cheek

        1. I heard that the last living unicorn committed seppuku on hearing the news.

      2. Worst president ever or just worst in the modern era?

    2. Honestly, I don’t think Obama gives a shit. He just likes campaigning and seeing a sea of adoring faces. He will still get that whenever he speaks.

      1. Nope. His legacy was built with a pen and a phone. If Trump wants to, he could wipe that all out.

        1. And now Obama can blame Trump when Obamacare fails.

          How is that not a win for Obama?

          1. Obamacare ain’t gonna fail. It’s gonna disappear.

    3. On the bright side, for him, now everything bad that happens as a result of his policies in the next 4 years can be blamed on the Republicans.

    4. Well, I was kinda hoping for gridlock.

  21. That’s a great pic. I would buy an album by the boy band Liberty Direction.

    1. First things fuckin’ last: where’s Nice Guy Eddie?

      1. Who’s got the stones?

  22. “I’M THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, MOTHERFUCKAS!” the hat screamed. Melania slapped the pocket he was folded up in on the outside of Donald’s jacket.

    “Don’t smack me you old bitch,” the hat grumbled.

    “Shut up, you drunk fool,” the hair said, perched as he was on the sweaty head of the president-elect as he made his way to the podium.

    “Whatevs. Did you hear Hillary on the phone? She sounded like she had been gargling hot glass,” the hat said.

    “The mics are going to pick you up,” the hair said.

    “I want another glass of champagne. Get him to pour another in here! No, wait. Take me back to the TV! I want to watch Hillary’s little kids crying at the Javits Center!”

    “He has a huge erection,” the hair said.

    “Of course he does!” the hat yelled over the roar of the crowd. Melania hit his pocket again.

    “Vagisil, you Slavic witch,” the hat snarled. “Lube up or he’s going in dry.”

    1. Yes. Keep going, SF.

    2. I look forward to four more years of Sugarfree Trump stories.

    3. moar plz?

    4. I look forward to the continued adventures of Hat & Hair.

      1. Yes. The continuation of their legacy is the best thing about this election.

    5. Pics, or it didn’t happen.

    6. Fuck you for not moar.

      /i’m a fan

  23. Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson came out with around 3.3. percent of the vote.

    Brought to you by Rolling Rock.

  24. IT’S ALL MY FAULT!

    Checking Facebook…

    Seriously, if you voted for Jill Stein or Gary Johnson (or if you tossed Trump a protest vote) because you “just couldn’t support a criminal” and decided a temper tantrum over Sanders losing was appropriate, unfriend me now. I have no interest in you. Your “conscience” just allowed you to help undo 8 years of progress.

    Florida only has 25,000 Libertarian primary voters, so well over a hundred thousand of your neighbors who aren’t party members vied for a guy who cannot use maps to prove whatever important point they had to provevto help elect a lunatic trust fund baby.

    Thanks guys.

    Literally for all the 3rd party voters. Your privileged ass decisions are fucking the entire country now. Why.

    1. temper tantrum

      Someone is certainly throwing a tantrum.

    2. you “just couldn’t support a criminal”

      I guess that’s a dishonorable position.

      1. Only deplorables can’t support a criminal.

    3. good, GOOOOOOOD!
      *cackle*

      Maybe don’t nominate someone who is the polar opposite of libertarian if you want libertarian votes.

    4. As a third party voter, I revel in their hatred. Fuck ’em.

    5. This infuriates me, but doesn’t surprise me. It usually comes from people who struggle with ideas such as competition, price signals, and the like in the marketplace. EVERY VOTER SHOULD BE MAKING PRIVILEGED ASS DECISIONS. Every time you cast a vote for a shitty candidate, you’re sending a signal that the party can keep on choosing shitty candidates. Voting for a third party (or not at all) sends a signal that the party shouldn’t pick shitty candidates.

      1. Voting for a third party (or not at all) sends a signal that the party shouldn’t pick shitty candidates.

        Cannot be repeated often enough. Fuck you, Tonys of the world.

    6. I love how they say that voting third party is a sign of privilege. Then what the hell is voting for a candidate who will bomb people all over the Middle East so you can have free daycare?

    7. This infuriates me, but doesn’t surprise me – some people really struggle with ideas like competition and price signals. EVERY VOTER SHOULD MAKE A PRIVILEGED ASS DECISION. Every time you vote for a shitty candidate, you send a signal to the party that the shitty candidate was the right one.

      1. sorry for the repetition, it seemed to me that my first comment didn’t post

    8. Your “conscience” just allowed you to help undo 8 years of progress.

      The only progress I can think of from the last 8 years has been taking tens of millions of people out of the workforce. Oh, and healthcare costs…. those are progressing at an exponential rate.

      Wait… and undeclared foreign wars. Lots of progress on that front too.

      And race riots. Doing well at spreading those too.

      So, exactly where were we trying to make progress again?

    9. Buh-bye.

    10. Glorious.

      And as Florida Hipster said, maybe if you want liberty-minded voters to help you against the nasty Republicans, you need to actually be more liberty-minded than the Republicans, not just shout about what bad people they are.

    11. “Your privileged”

      Ah yes, the privilege of never winning, being constantly belittled and blamed for everything that goes wrong, and being constantly told EVERY SINGLE ELECTION that that particular election is too important for your ideas to be considered right now.

      ~PRIVILEGE~

    12. Yep. Sooo Awesome. More, more more!
      I hope the list of celebrity who said they would move is published each day until they all actually gtfo.
      Of course they won’t though….

    13. Oooh. Here’s another one (in reply to the above). Apparently the only reason we voted Johnson was because of misogyny.

      Sadly the asses did it all over this country last night!! And ALL because they could not vote for a WOMAN! Now, they have almost silenced Bernie. That is unless the Democrats actually did manage to overtake the Congress.

      My reply to that one was “Keep believing that, and the Democrats will never win another election”

  25. Eight of nine marijuana ballot initiatives passed yesterday, with California, Maine, Massachusetts, and Nevada approving and Arizona rejecting cannabis for recreational use, and Arkansas, Florida, Montana, and North Dakota approving or expanding medical marijuana access.

    AG Christie is going to have his hands full.

    1. I’d actually prefer AG Christie to my fear of AG Giuliani.

      1. Is there any difference whatsoever?

        1. AG Christie would have his hands full of lunch.

          1. Judge: “Christie. We’re waiting on your vote!”
            Christie: Is…is that a maple glazed Timbit?

        2. Both would pursue anti-libertarian goals, but Giuliani would be more effective.

      2. I don’t think Christie is going to even get a cabinet position, although Trump may keep him around to fetch him lunch as an intern. Ugh now we have to deal with the reality of a Trump presidency.

        1. I maintain he will be the official White House space hopper

        2. Not until January we don’t. I refuse to deal with that unpleasant fact until then. In the meantime, my goblet of prog tears is continually refreshed.

      3. Nah, Giuliani will be FBI director. They have more experience dealing with cross-dressing directors.

    2. There, you did it. I wasn’t supremely worried. Now, I am.

    3. I’m hoping Bridgegate gives Trump an excuse to shuffle Christie off to the side. Maybe make him Ambassador to Old Country Buffet.

    4. I’m hoping for AG Trey Gowdy.

      1. Thats my hope too.

    1. You only beat me to posting that because I am just now getting out of the shower.

  26. “The amount of vitriol on my newsfeed is incredible.” This, from someone who’s newsfeed has been nothing but vitriol for the past two months. Delicious.

    But this guy, like many of the other progs, has said he’s going off social media for a while. I was so looking forward to the salty ham tears, but they will start to flow soon enough.

  27. So. Is Van Jones a meme yet?

    What a pathetic display that was.

    1. Didn’t see it, what’d he do? Announce that he was moving to Canada? They always announce that they are moving to Canada.

        1. What a tool. And showing why he is part of the reason Trump got elected.

          1. “Emotional Van Jones: How do I explain this to my children?”

            Since Van Jones clearly has no testicles, they aren’t his children.

          2. If his friends are that afraid, it’s because of Hillary’s scare mongering.

        2. Wow. Every time I see one of the professional race-baiters on the pundit shows, I wonder how the guy sitting next to them doesn’t just call them out.

          The republican voice guy looked like he was about to react but thought better of it.

          What a flaming racist. I haven’t seen him on TV since the early Obama years. I had kinda forgotten how much of a racist he is down deep in his soul.

          Although one of them had a great insight this morning. Al Sharpton said Trump was the white Don King. I hadn’t thought of it, but he is absolutely right. They use the exact same sales technique. The same silly bumper sticker language. So at least one of the professional race-baiters had something useful to say.

          1. I thought I heard at one point the actual Don King was a Trump supporter

        3. What a pussy.

        4. Van Jones has delicious tears.

  28. …I’m reaching out to you for your guidance and your help, so that we can work together and unify our great country.

    His lamest tweet yet.

    1. Total beta move, amirite brah?

  29. Alright, well as much as it pains me to do so, I must offer a mea culpa to John and SIV. You guys called it and I was wrong.

    I can take solace in the river of progressive tears that I’m currently bathing in. Eagerly awaiting Hillary’s tears.

    1. Yep. Complete mea culpa. I was wrong. I underestimated just how toxic Hillary is.

  30. Johnson did better than I thought he would and Clinton lost. All in all a pretty good night. Now if I could just get my schadenboner to go away.

    1. I know, right?

      HEY GAIZ WE’RE NOT GOING TO WAR WITH RUSSIA LOL.

    2. Schadenboner. Yes. A name helps dealing with a strange affliction.

    3. Well, if you need your boner to go down take a look at some of the potential Trump cabinet picks.

  31. Donald Trump’s Victory Challenges The Power Of The Press

    Journalists detailed why Trump is unfit for the presidency. Millions of Americans didn’t care.

    1. Journalists detailed why Trump is unfit for the presidency.

      “We’re so very smart, why didn’t you listen to us??”

    2. Maybe they just didn’t cover Trump enough for people to see how terrible he is?

    3. They just can’t see that the fact that they think their job is to attack Republicans and elect Democrats is a big part of the problem, and a cause of the Trump backlash. Their idiot conclusion is that they just need to partisan harder.

  32. Both #notmypresident and #I’mStillWithHer are trending on twitter.

    What the fuck did those people say about people saying “not my president” for the last 8 years again?

    1. And those same people would be going ballistic and shrieking “traitor” if the situation were reversed.

      1. Yup, for the last 8 years dissent was racist.

    2. Yeah, what happened to the “frightening” notion of not accepting election results?

      Unfortunately for them, declaring Trump to be “not their president” will prove just as effective as me declaring not to accept Obamacare.

  33. Shout out to John: I was wrong and I can’t blame the crack.

    1. Same here. I couldn’t conceive of Trump winning all those swing states given his unfavorability ratings and apparently ceiling in the polls.

      I was completely wrong.

    2. Sheesh, no hat-tip for SIV? Poor guy’s been doing the Lord’s work all this time.

      If it makes you feel better, SIV, I blame you.

    3. You weren’t wrong, The russians rigged the elections!

  34. Johnson got 3% in KY, so he broke the 2% barrier necessary for full party ballot access for the next 4 years. I am hoping for 100 State House candidates, 19 State Senate candidates, and 5 US Rep candidates (leave Massie alone) in 2018.

    MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

    **And much like the first time that was used, a lot left on the table.

    1. Johnson got 4% in Iowa. Yeah team.

  35. Was thinking about this last night.

    If Donald Trump does nothing else to advance liberty he has done at least one potentially valuable thing. He has given a playbook to every third party candidate and insurgent major party candidate on how to win an election with little funding, a hostile media, and opposition from your own party’s leadership. I hope all the libertarian hopefuls have been taking notes.

    1. Unfortunately, the potential LP candidates will not have the name recognition nor the outsized history/ego/charisma/whatever built in.

  36. My brother just texted me, “The Huffington Post set up its website for my entertainment today”. When he’s right, he’s right.

    1. Yes, I am gonna be reading leftie sites all day long.

  37. Nice, 3%. I was right about something!

  38. Hillary is such a terrible candidate that Donald Trump ran his campaign so poorly that people thought he was a ringer for her, and she still lost! I still hate Donald Trump with a passion, but he has given me a truly great gift.

    1. She has now lost to a junior senator and a reality TV star with no political experience.

      1. Voters are so sexist, amirite?

    2. Man… anyone else think a comedy where a corrupt politician gets a ringer into the opposite party, the ringer tries his best to lose but somehow wins would be great?? Like a political version of “The Producers”.

      1. “Springtime, for Trump and, America!”

  39. White America, join me and our celebrated celebrity chef by doing our soon-to-be mandated victory dance:

    WE HAVE RISEN!

    1. Not the “Electric Slide”?

      1. I was looking for the chicken dance

  40. The door to Hillary’s inner sanctum burst open, her inert bulk strapped to a gurney.

    “Oh, Allah! Save her! Save my love!” Huma wailed as she followed them in.

    One of Hillary’s bloated hands waved in the air weakly as she was attached to monitors.

    “She’s crashing!” one of the attendants yelled. Blind priests surrounded them and began to chant in ancient languages not mean for the human tongue. Blood ran from their mouths.

    “Huma,” Hillary said weakly.

    “Yes, my love,” she said, rushing to her side.

    “The Old Ones? why have they forsaken me?”

    “I don’t know, my love.”

    “The stars were right?” Hillary fainted and her mouth gaped open.

    An attendant took Huma by the shoulders and pulled her away. “You must let them help her,” he murmured.

    The doctor examining her vomited loudly and then gasped, “Bring me two kilograms of orphan meat.”

    “Orphan meat? But doctor, she’s no libertarian!’ his assistant exclaimed.

    The doctor turned on him, the incense-thick air swirling around him. “Bring me orphan meat, damn you! ORPHAN MEAT!”

    1. Kilograms. The Clintonistas truly are evil.

    2. *eats piece of chocolate*
      The suspense is terrible. I hope it’ll last!

      1. And such small portions too!

        1. MOAR! MOAR! MOAR!

    3. 4.4 lbs? That’s not even enough to kill the orphan, much less if you spread it out between several of them.

      1. Well, if they’re good, tender orphans, you don’t want to eat them all at once.

          1. Future porn star?

          2. *Yay Norm.

      2. As they said, they’re not libertarians.

    4. ORPHAN MEAT!”

      Always works in a pinch.

      1. “I thought you said this was an orphan MEET UP group!”

    5. 10/10 would pay for a collected novel.

    6. This is beautiful. *vomits then grins

  41. My little brother told me Trump won this morning. After making sure he wasn’t screwing with me (my family has done that in the past, because they know I support the opposite candidates from them), he preceded to tell me how two of his gay friends where moving to Canada and another was in the clinic for an attempted suicide and he couldn’t tell the last one what had happened. It’s a complete meltdown in his social circles. They are absolutely convinced the world is going to end.

    Furthermore when I mentioned that at least Trump would have a hostile media, he actually believed that the media had been more hostile to Hillary this election. It’s insane.

    1. How come the leftists never want to move to Mexico, they want Mexico to move here.

      1. Because Canada is the closest to moving to Europe they can get without leaving the country.

        I’m pretty sure no significant number of people are actually going to move though. If you have any sort of job or life a move is too disruptive to do over an election.

      2. Because they don’t want to actually have to socialize with those non-Anglophone brown folk. Canada is full of good, clean, socially-acceptable white folk.

    2. What has Trump ever done that’s been homophobic? AFAIK, he’s been incredibly pro gay for a GOP candidate, and even used the protection of LGBT people as a national security reason to stop Muslim immigration.

      1. I told him the same thing. The most he could say is comparing Trump to those annoying Tumblr blogs, and asking how I’d feel if they were constantly in my feed. I think they are so dyed in the wool Dem they feel he must be attacking their LGBT identity even if they know it’s not true.

      2. Yeah… I keep seeing that EVERYWHERE. Complaints that votes for Trump are homophobic. But… out of all the outrageous stuff Trump has said, I can’t find a single thing against gays.

        1. I’m actually starting to see what reasoning they are using for this freak out now. Apparently, Trumps win is going to validate hate for LGBT people so random people on the street are going to start attacking them. They say Brexit had the same thing happen.

    3. Didn’t Trump have a speaker at his convention boasting of being an out and proud gay man?

      And didn’t Hillary call for more immigration from countries with a history of literal gay-bashing?

      Sorry, it’s hard to keep up.

  42. Hey you guys, I think the President has too much power. We should do something about that…

    1. Checks and balances are racist tools of oppression written into our Constitution two hundred years ago by a bunch of slaveholders.

      We know that because it’s been used to obstruct Obama the last 8 years.

      1. Yeah, Obama was not able to have the government take control over large parts of the medical insurance industry or overthrow any foreign governments, or spy on us, oops, wait, never mind

        1. New answer:
          The lack of checks and balances is a racist tool of oppression written out our Constitution by a bunch of republicans.

          We know that because it’s been used to obstruct Obama the last 8 years.

    2. MSNBC: Trump promised to deport Muslims, so we’re going to hold him to that promise!

      Me: What about gitmo, ending war in the Middle East, Obamacare promises, climate change…

  43. Is Nate Silver still a thing?

    1. Hey, he’s the one that was saying that Trump had a ~30% chance to win. He was ridiculed for that. There was an entire HuffPo article criticizing him for inflating Trump’s chances.

  44. Donald Trump was elected president of the United States, with 276 electoral votes. … Hillary Clinton seems to have won the popular vote.

    So I guess we can look forward to at least 4 years of salty ham proggie tears and bitching and moaning about how terrible the Electoral College is. Of course, it was gonna be 4 years worth of salty ham tears and lulz no matter what.

    That tweet from Amash is awesome though.

    1. The New York Times algorithm is showing Trump likely to top out at 306.

      I watched that thing all night. Pretty damn amazing.

    2. Donald Trump was elected president of the United States, with 276 electoral votes. … Hillary Clinton seems to have won the popular vote.

      Millions of dead Democrat voters can’t be wrong!

  45. Yeah. Facebook is hilarious today. My fiance’s acting all mopey too, to which I keep saying “You DO remember I’m a political minority right?? That I’ve NEVER won an election??” It’s kinda hard to empathize.

    1. Snork, you chose well if she is still your fiance after that comment.

    2. I think my favorite was early in the night an “I’m with Her” friend put up a picture that said, “We’re all Americans, don’t gloat if you win, don’t despair if you lose.” I shared it on my wall about 1am EST. That was when my wife took away my iPad.

      1. The change in tune from mid afternoon to this morning is great schadenfreude. Although it also displays a disgusting (if expected) hypocritical lack of respect for democracy.

  46. Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson came out with around 3.3. percent of the vote.

    Disappointing, but not surprising. Fuck Bill Weld.

    1. Yeah, this. The only reason I voted was so that I could vote for Alex Merced (libertarian for senate), and against Chuck Fucking Schumer.

    2. I said that he was going to miss the 5% mark, but I thought he would be closer to it than this.

  47. So, is Huma going to have to go out and get her first real job now?

    1. Job? Her only job is going to be to find quality forged documents in time to flee the country ahead of the coming indictments.

  48. Yes, being a despised third party member makes the tears all that more delicious.

    It is DEAD silent in my Team Pant Suit office today. Sad!

  49. Will someone check on suderman and dalmia and make sure they are OK?

    1. I hope RICO isn’t dangling like a puppet in his closet. As much crap as we give him, I still like him.

      1. He did a good writeup already. Guess what about? Political correctness on campus. It was the sort of “I was right, fuckers” story that we usually only see from Ron Bailey.

  50. Since it has become legal I have gone out and grabbed like five pussies.

    You mocked me for keeping up my cardio, but now all that hard work is going to pay off. HA!

    1. I avoid grabbing pussies

      Sure sometimes they will purr at you but other times its all fangs and claws.

      1. But they are so soft and furry. How can you resist soft and furry?

        1. My thinking exactly

      2. I grabbed two pussies just this morning. They were on the counter, trying to eat my bacon.

        1. [Feels jealous of Citizen X for having two wives.]

  51. My only real hope for politics in general is that I have the opportunity to vote one of the three fellas in that picture in a national election in the future.

  52. My wife is actually happy that Trump won mostly because of Joy Behar.

  53. Eat a yuuge bag of dicks Dave “Shrieking Idiot” Weigel, Ezra Klein, Sadbeard, and all the rest of you JournoList ratfucker scumbags and scumbagettas!

    Oh, and the same thing goes for you Goth Fonzie, Macadoodle, Lizzie, Rico, Dipshit Dalmia, Chapman, and all the rest of you SJW PFL Osama Obama yo momma the llama mofo mofo mufaletta mommmas.

    1. mufaletta mommmas would be a great Italian honky-tonk band name

      1. I saw them open for Gogol Bordello in 2011. They were just alright.

    2. I thought a Trump victory would make you less unhinged, but I guess that’s another thing I was wrong about. The next 4 years are going to be fun.

    3. You had to go and actually be funny with “Goth Fonzie” but then ruin it with “Osama Obama yo momma the llama mofo mofo mufaletta mommmas”

      smdh

    4. You started off Nickname strong, then just listed names, and then had a stroke. Please, more of the same.

      1. Anything that results in Mike M. having a stroke, i am completely okay with.

    5. Classy, yet it is the thought that counts.

  54. Well, I was wrong about the blatantly sexist campaign winning. So that’s nice, I guess. I was correct about them being smug and narcissistic about their votes though. At least until this morning, when democracy is suddenly terrible.

    Anecdote related to the above (and from the same teacher who felt great about convincing someone in line to vote to protect her job) with bonus points for contradicting herself in back to back sentences:

    Dear America,

    I’m going to bed, because I have children to teach in the morning. My expectation is that you will get your shit together and when I wake up I will celebrate the election of the first female president. Because you surely won’t let racism, sexism, and xenophobia win.

    On the other hand, this brings up a new issue that I hadn’t anticipated: now it’s unlikely we have a chance for a decent Republican candidate in 2020. Maybe there will be a primary challenge, but I doubt it (and I’m 100% sure the Dems will put up a terrible statist as opposed to the 95% that the Repubs would).

    Though another positive: maybe the Daily Show type shows will get funny again now that they don’t mind criticizing the president.

    I was correct on the best point I made yesterday: it is now the maximum possible time before the next election!

    Make Alt-Text Great again!

  55. Listening to the mother on my FB group moralizing about “what do I tell my children?” are cracking me up. Oh, man, let me go find what you were saying in 2008 and 2012 and play that for your kids, and you tell me about class. A bunch of fucking white women — most with graduate degrees moaning about racism and sexism, when the only sexism I saw all election was these same women saying “vote for the ovaried one because she’s a woman.”

    One is a sociology professor. Only because my wife made me swear I would stop fucking with people did I not reply to her post about “what do I teach today now that America is a land of racism and sexism” with “read Hillbilly Elegy and try to understand someone outside of your little bubble.”

    1. They got sold by the Clinton TV commercials and surrogates pedaling their racism and war on women memes.

      The one with the 12 year old girls looking in mirrors while listening to Trump insult Rosie O’Donnell in voice-over was particularly effective.

      Probably the most dishonest ad since the Daisy ad in 1964. It worked on my wife, but she still didn’t vote Hillary. She went with Gary Johnson this time around.

    2. I’m sustaining myself on tears alone, today.

    3. That’s not even fucking with people. One would think a sociology professor would want to read a book largely about a class that is very interesting sociologically, to expand their knowledge of society. Unless, of course, that sociology professor is merely a leftist indoctrinator that doesn’t really know much.

    4. The one I posted above: art education major.

    1. Do they think that’s a threat? We should be so lucky.

  56. I guess the GOP have no excuse now. They can repeal Obamacare. Undo all the stupid things he did.

    1. And, knowing the party, replace it with something even more unworkable.

      1. This time OUR people are getting to dip their beaks!
        /Republican lawmakers

    2. Hah hah. That’s a good one Rufus.

    3. Hmm.. I hadn’t even thought about that.

    4. They can also pass a national right-to-work law. But I’m sure they’ll blow their political capital on something stupid like an abortion ban.

      1. They can also pass a national right-to-work law.

        I hope not. That’s an infringement of property rights.

    5. Ugh do we HAVE to?? /collective GOP whine

  57. Hispanic coworker #1: I can’t believe Trump won. [ambivalent]

    Hispanic coworker #2: Pfft, ignorant people.

    Hispanic coworker #1: I don’t know about that…

    Hispanic coworker #2: Whatever, they didn’t wake up as second class citizens.

  58. You know what’s gonna be hilarious? When the Dems filibuster Trump’s SCOTUS nominee and everyone reverses the positions they’ve had since Scalia died.

    1. And even more hilarious when Trump brokers a deal with Dems, nominating a left-leaning justice in exchange for some border control measure, and enough ‘pubs go along with it for border hawk credibility.

    2. But see, this is different. Because Trump is literally Hitler! You can’t help Hilter! Have I mentioned how Trump is literally a time traveling clone of Hitler! yet.

    3. Holy cow, you’re right. That will be amazing comedy.

      1. It’ll be like the debt ceiling switch, so the media won’t point out the hypocrisy at all.

    4. I don’t think so. GOP can rightly claim that they predicted this would happen when the Dems abolished the filibuster of lower level nominees.

      Yes, you’re right, the faux indignation will be hilarious, but I don’t think it’s wrong for the GOP to go this route.

  59. I hope your tax returns look good now that the dollar is worthless

    I don’t even know what this is supposed to mean but 57 people liked it on Facebook.

    1. One from each state?

    2. Some kind of insult to Trump about not releasing his tax returns (which never made any sense to me as a request anyway), and a prediction/desire for the market to crash due to this surprising political outcome so they can wave it as proof that they are right. We saw a lot of the same thing when the market dipped for a bit right after Brexit. I notice no one posted a follow up 2 weeks later saying “oops, I guess we aren’t doomed to another great depression”.

  60. My favorite part of all of this might very well be the very people who have done so much to promote and encourage identity politics and ethnic bloc voting crying bitter tears because their opponents finally started to behave in the same way.

    1. Now to see how this actually falls out. A lot of people are going to do a lot of stupid things in the next couple weeks that will make their movements look very bad. Here’s hoping the identity politics people are first in line.

    2. So This ^

  61. Anti-Trump Demonstrators March in Berkeley and Oakland

    The picture is like a Who’s Who of the people who don’t have to be at work tomorrow.

    1. Ah, I see the peace movement has returned right on time.

      1. Now what are they going to do if he actually does what he says and stops putting us into stupid wars. Are we going to see them pivot into an anti-peace movement.

        Wait! I can see it now. By not intervening in that civil war in Bumfuckistan, we are actually promoting an ongoing war. Just like not giving is taking, minding our own business is going to war. The Peace movement will become pro-intervention to promote Peace.

        You heard it here first. I expect a hat tip when it happens.

    2. “We can’t just sit back and let a racist and sexist become president,” said Adam Braver, a 22-year-old political science student

      Four years of political science well spent.

      1. “We can’t just sit back and let a racist and sexist become president,” said Adam Braver, a 22-year-old political science student”

        Right. We can see her lose to someone not quite as racist and sexist.

  62. I had the craziest dream last night!

    I dreamed that crazy motherfucker became President of the U.S.A.!

    And it was the funniest thing that ever happened!

    I dreamed that Hillary was so goddamn bitter about it, she couldn’t even bring herself to come out and thank her supporters for their help!

    I dreamed Rachel Maddow was so pissed off about it, all she could do was blame the Russians!

    It was the craziest dream evar!

    1. Let’s not kid ourselves, the people Hillary hates most are Hillary’s supporters.

      1. I think it was “people” that her advisers thought she hated.

    2. I had the same reaction. I was kinda surprised by my reaction. I was seriously amused. I think I passed through the Denial phase a few weeks back and moved on to acceptance that we were about to elect either a Giant Douche or a Turd Sandwich. So watching all of the media (and particularly Maddow) groping for reasons why their machinations failed to produce a win for their anointed one was seriously funny.

      My wife had the opposite reaction. She voted for Johnson and when it looked like Trump was going to take Florida she said “I feel sick. I’m worried that I did the wrong thing”.

      To be fair, that might have been the reaction if the Turd Sandwich had won too. I haven’t taught her that being Libertarian means you get to be smugly derisive of both parties.

      1. Hillary Clinton accepted money from foreign governments while she was the Secretary of State.

        1. [record scratch] WHAAAAAAT

    3. “I’ll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours”

      I said that ( Robert Zimmerman)

  63. One wonders if this is the election ass-kicking that finally causes Democrats to engage in some self-reflection. The exit numbers are pretty astounding: millions of white people who voted for Obama twice voted for Trump. Trump and Hillary split union households, he outperformed Romney among Hispanics, blacks and Asians. Hillary only won college-educated women by 6 points.

    Can they really blame that on sexism and racism? Because I think the whole DNC needs a good purging after this debacle.

    1. Do not underestimate any political party’s inability to learn.

    2. Under Obama, the Democratic Party has utterly collapsed. They lost the House, the Senate and now the White House. They have the fewest governors than at any point in history. Even Maryland, Massachusetts, and Illinois have Republican governors.

      1. Don’t worry. Trump can fix that.

      2. I could see this being the revival of the openly racist left. If Trump really did better than Romney among blacks then all those highly educated white females are going to feel betrayed. We helped you elect your president and then you didn’t help us elect ours. Intersectionalism is supposed to be tit for tat. It could very well be an explosion in the prog movements if it becomes widely known.

        1. Please God let that happen, the end of the Dem hammerlock on the black vote is something I never thought I’d live to see but the Cubbies did do it this year so anything is possible…

      3. And who do they have as a potential nominee in 2020? Biden? Sanders? Clinton again (“This time for sure!”)?

        1. They will swing the other way and find the most white-bread, squeaky-clean guy they can find.

        2. Corey Booker, if he’s gotten bored with being governor of New Jersey by then
          Julian Castro, the DNC’s token Hispanic
          Hillary “Third time’s a charm” Clinton
          Deval Patrick

          That’s all I can think of. They might go to the dregs of the barrel and try Gore or Kerry again.

          1. Michelle! How could I have forgotten Michelle?

  64. I…. WON…. MY…. BET!!!!!!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Someone should have come after me last year. I don’t gamble, but I would have bet the farm that Trump wasn’t going to win a single primary, let alone win the whole thing.

      Apparently I have no idea how politics works.

      1. “Apparently I have no idea how politics works.”

        I’m sure that the hag is accusing her staff of the same thing.

  65. So, considering that Hilldog outspent Trump at a rate of something like 5 to 1, can we please please please finally shut the fuck up about Citizens United?

    1. I think this is the most important aspect of the election – money was almost meaningless. Free media and organic support are the new path the victory!

      1. Political Scientist (real ones) are basically rewriting their books because of this election. Trump violated every rule they thought was necessary to win the presidency (except for height). It’ll be interesting to see the new reigning philosophy after this.

        1. except for height

          We’ll never get another Madison in the age of television.

          1. On the plus side we won’t get a Napoleon unless he wears those stilt things to make him look super-tall.

    2. Trump only won because of unlimited dark money and Citizens United. It isn’t fair. We need campaign finance reform!

    3. Another great thing about the election is that, hopefully, Trump’s success will show that the political consultants, on both sides are merely a bunch of self-dealing wankers.

  66. I hope Clinton’s campaign fund has enough money to pay for the hotel suite she surely trashed last night instead of giving a concession speech

    1. As if she could muster the energy. She was soused.

    2. Pretty sure she flew into a berserker rage and slaughtered a housekeeper or two.

  67. It’s hard to believe trotting out a porn star who specializes in gang bang and bukkake videos to accuse Trump of being degrading to women–didn’t make anyone forget that Hillary Clinton is a crook.

    Because isn’t that the way the world works?!

    1. Not to mention a pop icon in Nazi regalia.

    2. Seriously, that’s the person who made the accusation? God, no wonder people weren’t using names when talking about Trump groping women.

      1. “[Jessica] Drake accused the Republican presidential nominee of “uncontrollable misogyny, entitlement, and being a sexual assault apologist,” and claimed he kissed her and two other women without their consent upon meeting them in 2006.”

        http://tinyurl.com/qxphg7w

        She also opened up a new website two days before her press conference.

        She isn’t the only one who’s accused Trump of sexual assault kissing her, but she’s an example of how stupid it was getting.

        Incidentally, did you see all the women Trump kissed on the cheek without asking after his acceptance speech last night? He didn’t ask any of them first!

        They were all felonies, and now we’ve got him on camera!

        LOL

        1. You can hate Hillary Clinton without turning into a complete moron, you know.

          1. What’s your beef?

            I didn’t say anything that was wrong or wasn’t true.

  68. According to C-SPAN, “Hillary Clinton delivers remarks following 2016 defeat” at 10:30 AM. Interesting choice of words there. It’s normally called a concession speech and this is coming rather late in the day if I recall past elections.

    1. She really screwed her supporters and herself thereby telling them all to go home, there would be news tomorrow, and then phoning the Donald.

      She’ll never get a chance to address that many people again.

      Once she conceded, she became yesterday’s news.

      1. She doesn’t seem the type to handle bad news well. We might have had a public meltdown if she hadn’t sent her supporters home.

        1. Clearly, she was shitfaced and in no condition to face the crowd.

    2. I can’t wait.

      1. No. You really can. Podesta said so.

        Also, they postponed it from 9:30. So she’s probably still trying to hold it together.

        Kinda like a reverse Sally Field. “And I can’t deny…. You hate me! Right now. You really hate me!”

        1. So she’s probably still trying to hold it together.

          They’re trying to sober her up like Willie Stark after Sadie Burke savages his political ambitions.

  69. Text from dad: “I’m having a hard time remembering whether I voted for Gary Johnson or Donald Trump. I guess it depends on who I’m talking to.”

    1. Your dad rules.

      1. I agree. Smart man.

    2. Hmm, I didn’t realize you were my son…

    3. Dad wisdom. Patriarchal and right.

  70. I’m late to the party today. Too busy adjusting my trucker hat for maximum classiness.

    We’ve been denied the saltiness of DU as their site has gone down.

    1. my trucker hat says, grab america by the pussy

    2. My trucker hat says, grab america by the pussy.

    1. This will keep me busy for the remainder of the day thank you

  71. “Trump To Be Next U.S. President, Republicans Retain House and Senate,…”

    Not sure I like both of those at one time.

    1. It’s not like the Republicans love Trump anyway.

  72. I can’t find the article now, but last night the Daily Mail posted a lengthy photo documentary of democrats crying over Hilary’s loss. My erection still won’t go away. Yummy tears!!!!!

    1. Here it is: YUMMY TEARS!

      This is certainly some kind of pornography, but the safe for work kind. Do make sure your erection doesn’t last too long.

      1. So many people with no self-respect.

      2. There’s actually a picture there of an apparently grown woman curled into a fetal position on the floor. Seriously. Over a fucking election.

        What is wrong with these people?

        1. I know it’s absolutely wonderful. There are few thing that I love more than seeing leftists in despair.

        2. I’d like to think that the take-away is to not pin all of your hopes, aspirations, and self-worth on the fortunes of a ruthless politician who cares nothing for you, but in reality, they will just seek out a new strong-man in 4 years.

          1. I’m just trying to enjoy the despair at the moment. It’s good to wake up to Hilary not being elected president.

      3. First photo: Would
        Second photo: Would and would
        Third: Would not to all

        1. I don’t think the women for trump woman was born a woman. NTTIAWWT

          1. I don’t think the women for trump woman was born a woman. NTTIAWWT

            …but they are now, right?

            1. I just think that “Trannies for Trump” would be a more powerful statement.

        2. Chick with the “Hispanics for Trump” sign: Would
          Group of crying Hillary supporters: Would

  73. Balloon Juice blames…… wait for it…..

    White Racist Misogynists

    My sole notion is that whatever her formidable strengths and her evident vulnerabilities, Hillary Clinton ran right into an absolutely familiar trap. American politics is hostile to women. We saw it in Massachusetts recently enough. Martha Coakley was all kinds of not-great (read, terrible, especially her first time out) as a candidate for senator and governor. But in both cases she started up with a sixty pound rock on her back male candidates don’t have to carry. Massachusetts had, until Elizabeth Warren came along, never elected a woman to the top offices. (And it’s notable that Warren also seems to face a woman tax as measured in approval ratings, at least as compared with her perfectly solid but unspectacular male colleague, Ed Markey.) Several tried, but it’s clear that while women can aspire to state treasurer or AG or a House seat, gunning for the top slots engaged the fear/loathing-for-powerful-women, leading to the results we see.

    That’s true nationwide, I believe. The old line goes white men before everyone else (got the vote in 1783); then other males (black men got the vote in 1665); then women (who got the vote in 1920), with, of course, white women gaining access to power and agency ahead of women of color.

    1. I didn’t see a single person advocating for Trump because he was a man, or against Hillary because she was a woman. But I saw about a dozen people I personally know stressing how important it was to vote for a woman….

      And yet they’re claiming the opposition was the sexist campaign.

      1. The results suggest a couple of things:

        The New Poor got out and voted.
        The ACA has screwed the Democrats.
        Clinton is loathsome to almost all people not in the media.

      2. I didn’t see a single person advocating for Trump because he was a man, or against Hillary because she was a woman.

        Well, Gavin McInnis, but mostly tongue-in-cheek.

    2. Holy shit, that site is still around? I haven’t heard that name in years.

      1. Sucking the right dick always makes you money,

    3. I imagine whoever wrote this probably thinks my home state of SC is some hotbed of WHITE RACIST MYSOGYNISTS who for some reason keep re-electing Nikki Haley.

      1. You guys just want to have sex with her!

      2. South Carolina had slavery!

    4. No mention of Palin? Huh.

  74. Another fact that hasn’t gotten much attention: Donald Trump at age 70 is the oldest man ever elected president to a first term (Reagan was 69 in 1980).

    What are the chances he chooses to serve only one term?

    1. Pretty high.

      I already feel sorry for his Secret Service detail, because it’s also pretty likely that some Weigelian psychopath will try to take him out.

    2. Oooh, that would be a good thing. Then we’ll still have the (slim) chance at a libertarian-ish Republican in 2020.

        1. A photographic negative of Bill Weld.

    3. He’s in pretty decent health, and he’s used to being in the spotlight. He might do fairly well.

      1. The office of the Presidency seems to be some kind of time machine that ages people at 2-3 times the normal rate.

        1. The people going in recently haven’t been in any sort of job that has that much constant media attention. Being an entertainer has given Trump a lot of experience at how to handle the constant scrutiny. The white house press corps has nothing on the paparazzi.

    4. What are the chances he chooses to serve only one term?

      Considering the GOP is extraordinarily inept, I would say the chances are pretty good.

    5. What are the chances he chooses to serve only one term?

      What Trump should do is make this his thing. Declare right from the outset, “I’m here for four years and I’m going to use it to do a hard reset on America, fix a few huge problems, etc, make America work for everybody again, etc., and then I’m going to hand the reigns of power off to the winner of a real respectable election.”

      He’s not going to do that though, because he’s Trump.

  75. Robert Reich files a short response to the election

    It’s an awful night, terrible news. If Trump becomes the next president, as seems likely, we’re in for an awful ride.

    But it’s also an opportunity.

    The American power structure ? both in the Democratic and in the Republican parties ? has been dealt a severe blow. Bernie Sanders was correct: The moneyed interests rigged our political-economic system against most Americans. And now the backlash has begun.

    It was always going to be a contest between authoritarian populism and progressive populism, eventually. For now, authoritarian populism has won. But if we are united and smart, progressive populism will triumph.

    Do not give up the fight. The real fight has just begun.

    1. Robert Reich has the looks and the political insight of a garden gnome that somebody ran over with a lawnmower.

      Shut the fuck up, Robert Reich.

      1. Don’t be short with Reich.

        1. He’s just a little shaver.

          1. He’s a man of stature. He’s head and shoulders above his peers. A towering intellect.

    2. Jesus tap-dancing Christ, if Hillary isn’t a tool of “The moneyed interests [who have] rigged our political-economic system against most Americans”, then who the fuck is?

      Even Bernie fucking Sanders said so or were you not paying attention during the primary.

  76. Not to be a downer, but this means we’re going to get to listen to sanctimonious lectures from Obama for at least four more years.

    1. Given my age and his age, I’m gonna be hearing about the arrogant little twit the rest of my life.

    2. That’s fine. It will be a constant reminder to everyone why they can’t stand that Obama guy.

      1. Bush had enough class to step out of the spotlight. Obama has no class.

        1. He’s a narcissist. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself not being the center of attention.

  77. I kinda wish I wasn’t teleworking today, so I could observe the civil servants have an epic freakout.

    1. Didn’t tens of thousands of them promise to quit if Trump won?

      1. That wasn’t a topic of discussion in my office, but the BO clingers who counted on staying on board with HRC (and there were many just hanging on, hoping) are gonna start jumping ship like rats.

        Yesterday, we were talking about how the head of our breau would stay til at least the inauguration. I wouldn’t be surprised if he is outta there in a couple weeks.

  78. The list of reasons why last night was so great includes the ability to get rid of ObamaCare and get rid of Dodd-Frank, the ability to appoint SC judges who aren’t hostile to the First and Second Amendments, etc.

    But the biggest benefit of all is that the American people didn’t give Hillary Clinton a mandate to ignore the rule of law.

    That was the worst thing that could have happened from a libertarian standpoint. Rewarding someone who disregards the rule of law with the legitimacy of an election win, like it or not, gives them a mandate to disregards the rule of law.

    I wasn’t worried about what the next President would do anywhere near as much as I was worried about what the American people would do in the future–once the rule of law was no sufficient to circumscribe the behavior of the executive.

    The American people stood up and insisted on the rule of law, and it has absolutely restored my faith in them. I still wish they were far more libertarian, capitalist, and freedom loving than they are, but when confronted with a choice between legitimizing a lifelong crook or doing the politically incorrect thing–they chose the rule of law.

    God bless all the patriotic idiots out there–each and every one.

    It wasn’t just a referendum on elitism. It was a referendum on the rule of law, and the rule of law won.

    1. I don’t think Trump winning supports the rule of law for the elite, but Hillary winning would have supported the rule of law not applying to the elite. If the FBI turns around and indicts Hillary now that she is no longer in danger of being their boss, that will be a win for the rule of law, but just Trump winning is a neutral stance.

      1. +1

        Hillary winning would have supported not applying the rule of law to the elite, and the opponents of Hillary might have supported a real dictator to oppose her.

        That’s who popular support for dictatorial behavior materializes.

        If Donald Trump breaks the law, he should be held accountable . . . by the voters if by no one else.

        Because when Hillary Clinton disregarded the rule of law, no one would hold her accountable–except the voters.

        If the voters aren’t willing to hold our Presidents accountable, then they simply won’t be.

  79. Gotta love that Amash tweet with Massie and Paul.

    BUT notice that Paul is out of step with the other two ? Does that mean Paul is dead, or that he’s the walrus ?

    1. He isnt barefoot, so not dead.

    2. It means he plays jazz bass and doesn’t give a fuck.

  80. Ratfuckin’, furryfelchin’, nutpackin’, tinyhanded skwerlz! I’m gonna put you on a spit and turn you on my burnolist.

    1. It is extra squirrelly today. Good day to all, I have to stuff some peppers and no, that’s not a masturbation euphemism.

    2. I have to admit, that is pretty damn funny. Well done.

  81. The yahoo home page has this in its lead story:

    ” Donald J. Trump won the presidency with a campaign built around raucous rallies and a visceral appeal to a shrinking slice of the American electorate, the rural and small-town white working class. ”

    How do you win a decisive victory by appealing to a shrinking part of the electorate ? Math is hard.

  82. Here’s my nomination for most self-indulgent journalism post-election. It’s Margaret Sullivan from the Washington Post, although this link is to a re-print in New Zealand. She has a few good points but also says the media is partly to blame for being too tough on Hillary and not tough enough on Trump. But her closing two paras are my nomination:

    And although we journalists try to portray ourselves as cynical sometimes, or hard-bitten, we can also be idealistic, even naive.

    We wanted to believe in a country where decency and civility still mattered, and where someone so crude, spiteful and intemperate could never be elected – because America was better than that.

    I can fault journalists for a lot of things, but I can’t fault us for that.

    1. No self-awareness, absolutely zero

      1. Not to mention the fact that Trump got exactly zero positive coverage. Kinda hard to move down from zero.

    2. not tough enough on Trump

      ikr, I don’t remember seeing a single negative article about Trump at any point in the past 18 months. wtf?

    3. She is too beautiful for this world.

      The profession started to get into trouble when it switched from “reporters” with a high school education who, you know, tried to see things and report on them, to “journalists” who need very special training to be truthful and unbiased to write opinion pieces.

      1. I’ve been watching Kolchak: Night Stalker on Netflix. And, yeah, it’s a TV show and all, but I’m struck by how his job as a journalist is presented as mainly about running around Chicago, going to crime scenes, talking to cops, coroners, etc., and trying to figure out what happened.

  83. I got 850 votes (3.3%) for NY assembly, AD 80, though as a NJ resident now I couldn’t even vote for myself!

    1. Congrats

    2. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    3. Only 3.3%? Did you name Weld as your running mate?

      Just kidding, congrats.

    4. Only 3.3%? Did you name Weld as your running mate?

      Just kidding, congrats.

  84. Yesterday’s Tony:

    Tony|11.8.16 @ 4:19PM

    So by your careful, mature assessment, Clinton and Trump are equally unacceptable as president? What an astounding coincidence that is, considering they believe opposite things on everything and have opposite qualifications and temperaments.

    And you don’t have to be mean. Sorry Hillary is gonna be the president. Perhaps I should just go away while you guys get it out of your system.

    1. Poor Tony. Poor, poor Tony.

    2. Tony went and laid down on some train tracks this morning.

      Unfortunately for him, it was a disused line. He’s still out there, waiting.

      1. OK, nearly spit out my coffee at that one.

      2. Since you mentioned train tracks. I think a solution to the classic trolley problem has been found.

  85. The lamentations are great. Keep em coming.

  86. It look like America

    *dons sunglasses*

    Just played its Trump card.

  87. The Clinton campaign strongly pushed the phony narrative that the Trump campaign was fueled by the hate of a basket of deplorables.

    But, if you want to see real hate along with fear and loathing, watch what her supporters and the cosmotarian cocktail party circuit have to say about their countrymen who voted for Trump.

  88. The squirrels are running wild this morning. They are eating my posts like they are yummy proggie tears.

    1. The squirrelz were pretty drunk last night, too. My posts were all either eaten or posted 10 times.

  89. The best part is, Hilary’s personal dream, her blind and naked ambition has been deprived of her twice, dashed against electoral reality. I take huge solace knowing that she is out there, somewhere in the world, alternating between depression and rage. The schadenfreude is so wonderful.

    1. “…The schadenfreude is so wonderful.”

      And never so well deserved!

    2. See he’s already Making America Great:)

    3. As someone of good cheer who truly wishes good fortune for all, I’ve never really grasped the meaning of “schadenfreude”, until now.

    4. Schadenfreude translates as shameful joy…..leave it to the Germans to make something perfectly nice sound bad.

    5. Couldn’t have happened to a more deserving person.

    6. I wonder (seriously) if she’ll be under suicide watch for a while.

  90. So the Chron ‘political’ columnist this morning is all about ‘protest’ vote and how the voters ignored Trump’s faults; no way did Clinton’s blatant criminal behavior have anything to do with it!

  91. Anybody want to give a 20/20 hindsight of what it means that Trump owned Kasich’s Ohio?

  92. I just dressed down a bunch of coworkers and my boss.

    They were having a conversation about the “stupid people” in fly over country and bemoaning their sexism.

    I pointed out that the map of how people voted correlated with the density of people being veterans (it’s not quite correct, but hey). I told them of a roommate in the Navy who faced NJP in lieu of court-martial for taking classified docs home to study for an exam. I said some people believe that nobody should be above the law in a republic and that was what governed their vote, not sexism.

    My boss said, “you voted for the wrong choice” to which I instantly retorted, “I didn’t vote for Trump.” I then finished with “I can understand why people did vote for the guy. They made the best of an incredibly shitty set of choices, and I won’t criticize them for it. Very few of them did it because they were sexist or stupid.”

    And a stunned quiet settled on the land.

    1. My niece, god bless her, is a dumb as a box of cocks, but she’s plastered her FB page with memes of how ignerant America is. She didn’t grajumenate from high school. Amazing.

    2. Excellent

    3. You either have brass balls or you’re used to having the whole cafeteria table to yourself.

  93. From NPR this morning. Attica Locke goes full bore “America is Racist” in a broadcast tantrum.

    Link

  94. I’m watching Full Frontal tonight just to see Samantha Bee shit her pants.

    1. and that in no way sounds slightly porny and freaky

    2. scheiss porn ?

      1. Scheissenfreude.

      2. Scheissenfreude.

  95. Damn – I had a 9AM meeting so I got to miss most of the links.

    Just some thoughts (but not a sermon):

    I have to eat some crow – I predicted a Hillary win just based on the strength of the media running the narrative. And the Clinton machine. Of course that was before the Wikileak emails, Comey, Hillary’s awful campaign, etc but still.

    Having said that, the pollsters and the majority of the pundits got it wrong, wrong, wrong. And anyone who listens to Nate Fuckin’ Silver again is just looking for someone to confirm their beliefs.

    Serious – and salty tear losers – the Clinton machine, the mainstream media, Obama, the NeverTrumpers, and a few Reason contributors.

    The media especially began to believe their own propaganda, always a dangerous place to be. Of course they will never admit that they made a mistake. Instead it will just be a big ol’ surprise from left field.

    1. I thought Trump would be competitive, but not this. This election was a referendum on Clinton, the ACA, and the economy. There was a clear and resounding “We’ve had enough of your shit.”

      1. 100% yes. However, let’s pretend it was about racism, because that’s what we do.

        1. You’re wrong, Crusty. It was also about sexism.

        2. God damn Australian aborigines. Wait, which race are we supposed to be blaming? Oh right, white people.

    2. Don’t count #NeverTrump out. He’s going to piss off a lot of his supporters once he starts having to make real decisions rather than just bloviating without consequence.

      1. He is basically a New Deal Democrat, the way New Deal Democrats used to be – remember when FDR’s administration banned *Esquire* and blocked immigrants? And Trump probably won’t even go that far.

        1. Good analogy.

          Remember when FDR’s administration interned “enemy aliens”* and rounded up Americans** of Japanese ancestry and put them in camps.

          The Donald will have to go pretty far beyond anything he’s promised to equal that record.

          *this actually was considered acceptable under both domestic and international law for conduct during wartime (provided conditions met standards for humane treatment).

          **this on the other hand was contrary to the COTUS and generally considered unacceptable under international law.

    3. I was in the same place as you. I was certain he was going to lose and all the tactics used to beat him would be validated. I’m still in a bit of shock that we had another Brexit scenario. Funny that. How I can know they are so far in the tank they’ll say anything to elect their candidate, but I still believe them.

    4. Having said that, the pollsters and the majority of the pundits got it wrong, wrong, wrong. And anyone who listens to Nate Fuckin’ Silver again is just looking for someone to confirm their beliefs.

      Fun fact: one of his flackeys literally called the outcome two weeks ago (see scenario 5).

      Silver was far more bullish on Trump than the betting markets and most other forecasters. Still had him as the underdog, but who didn’t?

      1. Interesting call – never saw that.

  96. What would tickle me is if Trump, not being an actual Republican, starts proposing and executive-ordering a bunch of Dem-friendly policies and laws. Will their brains explode? Will they disagree with him just because TRUUUMMMMP!?

    1. I almost hope that happens now. Even if my walks through the streets would be hampered by hopping around the goo from all the exploding brains (from both sides of the aisle).

    2. Wouldn’t be a surprise, he’s been a Dem for most of his life.

    3. They certainly did when Bush put forward a democrat-friendly version of immigration reform.

      1. More likely because it’s a lucrative issue for Dems.

  97. I’m surprised there hasn’t been more discussion of Trump’s victory speech:

    “Hillary has worked very long and hard over a long period of time, and we owe her a major debt of gratitude for her service to our country. I mean that very sincerely.”

    Is Bill Weld writing his speeches now?

    1. Just eye wash to soothe the losing side. Very presidential.

    2. Nah, he won. The very fact he is giving the speech is the equivalent of mooning her. He doesn’t need to rub in what a terrible person she was as well.

      1. Yeah, being gracious and classy about it is rubbing it in her face enough.

    3. He’s trying to be “presidential”

    4. He needs to be the President of everyone now.

      He’s acting very Presidential there.

      I remember after his acceptance speech at Republican convention, he promised he was going after all the Bernie voters, and the exit polling in some of the most important swing states suggests that he succeeded in doing that.

      Some of the exit polling questions were about whether the country should move in various directions, and a disproportionate number of the people who answered that the country should move in an extremely liberal direction voted for Trump.

      I don’t think it was more than 50% of those people, but it was a nice chunk of them. If those people weren’t Bernie supporters, they sure as hell could stand in for them. Remember that Democrat elector from Washington state, a couple of days ago, who said that she wouldn’t vote for Hillary in the electoral college? Those are Bernie people.

      Trump is a populist. People think of him as conservative because his whole demeanor is anti-PC, but he’s not a conservative. He’s a populist.

      1. FDR without the racism. And without the ban on *Esquire.*

  98. Watching Rove trying to claim it was Paul Ryan who put Trump over the line in Wisconsin. Good for Tucker on calling BS on that in no uncertain terms.

  99. Now I’m wondering what this all means as I heard to the private sector in 2 weeks. I’m thinking Trump will be a slightly better choice than HRC, though I don’t see much of an effect either way, I guess.

    1. I heard to the private sector in 2 weeks

      Welcome to the real world!

    2. You know they expect results, there, right?

      1. LOL!

        (they expect results from contractors, too. It’s just the career civil servants who don’t have to do jack shit. I have one colleague who is an upper-grade GS-13, making way more than $100k, who quite literally does nothing.)

  100. I’m as happy as anybody to see Clinton go down.

    But you guys know you’re going to be spitting mad at what Trump actually does in office, pretty much from day one, don’t you?

    1. Stop ruining my morning!

    2. The sane ones do. The rest will be spinning as hard as they can and sucking his dick.

    3. We know – but let us enjoy some salty prog tears while we can. Then we can start the libertarian tear machine.

      1. Pretty much the sole benefit to this election. I’ve been wrong about everything, so hopefully I’m wrong about this, but I think progs will learn to love the bastard for burying conservatism proper.

        1. The way they loved Nixon’s lefty policies?

          1. Fine, not “love”, cynically and opportunistically appreciate.

    4. Oh, that was always a given, but it doesn’t mean i can’t enjoy the sweet, sweet tears of the technocracy now.

      1. I was going to hate the governance no matter what.

        1. Exactly. The result was always going to be terrible, but one terrible option was infinitely more entertaining than the other, and that’s what we’ve got.

    5. I had no idea! Thank you so much.

    6. We’re still drunk on the deliciously intoxicating proggie tears. The Trump hangover is coming soon enough, and it will be fierce.

    7. We won’t have to wait until he gets into office.

      We’ll go after him before that.

      But that’ll have to wait until after the laughing fits stop.

      HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

      HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

    8. That was going to happen either way.

    9. What matters the most by far is that he puts on at least one Supreme Court justice who fully supports the 1st and 2nd Amendments as much as all the rest of them. He fucking damn well better.

      I also assume that the very first order of business on day one WILL be the full repeal of Obamacare. It fucking damn well better be! If the republicans are smart, they should also push hard to pass their replacement plan of reasonable market-based reforms that won’t be overly disruptive to the health care consumer. Yes, they do have a plan and have for a while, despite what lying Obama-loving scumbag Pete Suderman has been claiming the last several years. I expect the democrats will fight it like hell though and so probably won’t get through.

      Other than those things, I expect mostly more of the same old shit, and yes, most of it will still suck.

        1. They’ll certainly push for that, but it will be tough with slim majorities.

          Obamacare was illegally passed using reconciliation, so it can (and should) be repealed using reconciliation. Once that is done though, they need to pass further laws through normal legislative order, which means they’re going to have do a lot of horse-trading and compromising with the democrats.

    10. Thanks, Captain Obvious

    11. I’m as happy as anybody to see Clinton go down.

      Not as happy as Huma, i’d wager.

        1. Talkin’ ’bout cunnilingus, folks.

  101. Note to self: get Peter Thiel’s support.

    1. Grab Peter Thiel’s pussy?

      1. Explains his facial expression.

  102. Has anyone checked on Shikha Dalmia?

    1. She disapproves.

    2. Vishnu willing, she’ll voluntarily deport herself to Mumbai and spent the rest of her life seething under a fig tree.

        1. You know who else…

          1. Pepe the Frog?

  103. Where’s that crazy bastard, John?

    1. John is currently naked, coked up, covered in champagne, and rubbing himself all over a couple of chubby girls in a room. We won’t see him for a while.

  104. The big negative is that Trump won by enough that the hope for rogue electors throwing the election into the House is unlikely.

  105. Here’s my only FB post in reaction to the election. Getting weird reactions.

    1. Ooh. Post examples of reactions plz

      1. What you said to me comes true…

        another,

        The impending global market crash will hurt everyone, especially here.

        1. 10 likes. All from progs who don’t realize I’m taking the piss out of them. I feel kinda bad now.

    2. I thought Trump playing “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” was weird.

      I guess he played that after every Trump event throughout his campaign, but after you win the Presidency, you might want to change that tune.

      Incidentally, if I were President, I’d change the Presidential fanfare to the theme from Bonanza.

      1. I guess with “You Can’t Always Get What You Want”, he was addressing that to his detractors?

        Maybe he should have replaced it with the theme from Annie. Give them something inspirational.

        Or he could have gone with Sinatra doing “My Way”.

        1. How about some Nilsson

  106. My mother, the democrat phone banker, just deactivated her facebook account. Official reasoning, too many people contacting her while she needed to study.

    Well I wanted to get her out of politics. Thanks Trump, you’ve probably saved her long term sanity.

    1. Make your mom great again!

      1. It is honestly really the best thing that could happen to her. She was going off the deep end and starting to alienate her long term friends as the party people she worked with pushed her farther and farther to the extreme.

  107. Marcotte: It was unimaginable that America would self-destruct rather than elect a female president, but that’s what happened.

    To be clear, a substantial portion of that vote was sheer racism. Make no mistake, there are women in this country who don’t care if Trump eschews the Bible and instead swears in with his hand on the pussy of an unwilling woman, so long as he does so while threatening to screw over Mexicans and Muslims. As the essays about benevolent sexism warned us, women can be just as vile and hateful as men, make no mistake.

    But then I look back at that picture of the Trumps voting, and think something else is going on.

    It’s not that men are looming over their wives, telling them to vote for the misogynist pig or else. It’s more complicated than that.

    It’s more that the truth about Trump, and why men support him, is too ugly to look at directly. Rather than admit that the men in your life hate women, it’s easier to rationalize: Trump’s just joking around! Those feminists are oversensitive! Hillary Clinton really is a hateful shrew ? it’s not just that she’s been demonized by the same misogynist forces that elevated Trump.

    1. I suppose it has nothing to do with a stagnant economy and skyrocketing health insurance rates in the face of declining quality and accessibility of care and looming problems with student loan debts with which parents are understandably loathe to saddle their college-age children. Nor concerns about the self-dealing of a corrupt life-long politician whom the majority of America doesn’t trust. Nah. It’s all sexism.

      Fucking Amanda, man. It should come as no surprise that she’d filter a referendum on Obama’s statist policy through her narrow filter of gender oppression, but Jesus if the writing on the wall was any more embarrassingly, painfully obvious she’d have to gouge her eyes out.

    2. Rather than admit that the men in your life hate women

      No, we just hate feminists and all their intersectional SJW friends. Oh, and many women hate you too!

      1. “many women hate you too”

        She covered that:

        “As the essays about benevolent sexism warned us, women can be just as vile and hateful as men, make no mistake.”

        Vile and hateful meaning anti-feminist.

    3. Or maybe, just maybe, people didn’t like the disdain and condescension they received from Washington; they didn’t like that Hillary wasn’t just a corrupt criminal, but flagrantly subverted the rule of law in an unprecedented way; they’ve lived under the plans of “experts” and “top men” for a while now and have realized that they don’t have a fucking clue what they’re doing; or that they want a reason to vote for someone beyond (1) the other guy is worse! or (2) vagina.

  108. My favorite part of the democratic autopsy of their campaign, is the wide spread claim that Trump didn’t have enough negative stories about him in the press and Clinton wasn’t given enough positive press. They are apparently talking about the election they experienced in an alternate dimension.

    1. Just remind them of this: Alex Jones was more accurate than Nate Silver.

    2. My little brother is convinced that the media gave more negative press to Clinton than Trump. There is just complete denial going on in that department even from normally reasonable people.

      1. Sounds like you’ve had a pretty rough go of it with your family when it comes to politics and philosophy, that is if it’s at all possible to say they’ve done in philosophizing about their beliefs. Sounds more like sophistry has taken a firm hold of them.

  109. I can’t say that I’m pleased with Trump’s win but I am absolutely ecstatic – more happy than I have been in years – at Hillary’s defeat.

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