Hillary's Emails and Trump's Deportation Reboot: Matt Welch on Tonight's Kennedy

Fox Business Network broadcast at 8 p.m. ET also includes discussion of pot-scare studies and Colin Powell's advices

Kennedy

Tonight's Kennedy (Fox Business Network at 8 p.m. ET, with a repeat at midnight) starts off with discussion on the new batch of 15,000 Hillary Clinton emails, some of which have given off a preliminary whiff of pay-to-playism between the Clinton Foundation and the Hillary-led State Department. Her backfiring attempts to throw Colin Powell under that bus also comes up. On the Trump side, the Party Panel—featuring comedian Anthony Cumia, progressive activist/radio host Nomiki Konst, and myself—get into the GOP nominee's rumored pivot on deportation, whether he is or is not too crazy to run U.S. foreign policy (especially vis-à-vis Mrs. "Smart power at its best"), and also who would be the ideal actor to play him in Clinton's debate-prep. And there will also be a group acknowledgment of how legalizing pot is just a scam by upper-class #normcores to doom the poors into playing video games all day, or something.

Here's a clip from the last time I was on the program, back before I fell back in love with the Olympics!

Comments

[Fist of Etiquette]

Prediction: Burgundy

[GILMORE?]

(skeptically arches eyebrow )

does he own one? i've never seen matt go for more muted, "traditional" ties.

I think the commentariat should put up a patreon or something to buy the guy a Regimental Guard's tie

(*which i previously argued should be the libertarian symbolic retort to TEAM tie-colors; plus, its just sort of a handy 'anytime' tie)

[Ted S.]

Their prices are in GBP. Do they take bitcoin?

[commodious needs a drink]

GBP should be regulated like real money!

[GILMORE?]

I'm pretty sure someone in the colonies sells the same.

[Ted S.]

She's going to wear Ron Burgundy?

[Chipwooder]

She doesn't wear Ron Burgundy. Ron Burgundy wears HER.

[GILMORE?]

Prediction: Burgundy

Looks at photo

oh, you meant *her*

(sniffs)

[R C Dean]

Lemme know if anyone is buying the racist bigot's obvious lies about not deporting non-white residents of 'Murca.

[Rich]

"It's a trap!"

[Fist of Etiquette]

...some of which have given off a preliminary whiff of pay-to-playism between the Clinton Foundation and the Hillary-led State Department.

No. Oh, GOD NO. Not Secretary Clinton. No. This revelation rocks my world. Things don't make sense anymore. She can't possibly win once the voting public finds out that she's not the not-at-all-sleazy but instead wonderful public servant we all thought she was.

[Rich]

No. Oh, GOD NO.

At fist, uh, *first* I thought you were referring to the mention of "preliminary whiff" and "Clinton" in the same sentence.

[Groovus Maximus]

I thought you were referring to the mention of "preliminary whiff" and "Clinton" in the same sentence.

Every job requires the proper gear.

[Rich]

Sweet!

[Raven Nation]

Ah yes, what he well-dressed surgeon was wearing in the 14th century to protect himself from the plague.

[Ted S.]

Spy vs. Spy

[SIV]

NO KMELE NO PEACE !

[Fist of Etiquette]

...progressive activist/radio host Nomiki Konst...

They still have those things? I didn't any of them possibly could have survived after the last bastion, Err Amerika, went tits up.

[Groovus Maximus]

progressive activist/radio host Nomiki Konst

I viewed on the teevee this creature, once; a painfully *stupid* creature. I'm 100% sure she is convinced world history begins with her birth and the universe revolves around her as well.

I don't see how you do it, Matt. Her voice alone has in incredibly high decibel level of condescending smug.

At least it's not Katrina Van Den Huevos-Schachter & Singer, or whatever her name is... the trust fund broad.

[TheZeitgeist]

At least it's not Katrina Van Den Huevos-Schachter & Singer, or whatever her name is... the trust fund broad.

I believe it is pronounced Vain-Derp-Snivel.

[GILMORE?]

Nomiki Konst

I viewed on the teevee this creature, once; a painfully *stupid* creature. I'm 100% sure she is convinced world history begins with her birth and the universe revolves around her as well.

I don't see how you do it, Matt. Her voice alone has in incredibly high decibel level of condescending smug.

Well, she seems to be convinced here that Hillary is the enemy and that Progressives are going to strong-arm the DNC into pushing their core-issues whether they want to or not ... and that Tim Kaine is "Essentially a republican on all issues"... etc And more! she sounds like one of these Bernie firebrands. If she ends up defending Hillary in any way on the show, i think it might be informative....

[Cynical Asshole]

she is convinced world history begins with her birth and the universe revolves around her as well.

This could describe pretty much every "progressive activist/ radio host" on the planet.

[Pan Zagloba]

I don't see how you do it, Matt.

Fame's hell of a drug.

[Ted S.]

You're gonna learn how to fly high

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

preliminary whiff of pay-to-playism

By 'preliminary whiff', we're talking about clouds of green smog wafting from them?

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

Here's a clip from the last time I was on the program, back before I fell back in love with the Olympics!

I managed to not see a single event. Not one.

1980 Olympics was the last, great Olympics.

[Half-Virtue, Half-Vice]

Should I just get off the lawn now or wait for you to say it first?

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

Sorry, there's a Trump Wall around the 1980 Olympics... no one's getting in there.

[AlmightyJB]

Maybe you can talk about the bad cop database

[Rich]

Her backfiring attempts to throw Colin Powell under that bus also comes up.

When is Powell going to show some integrity and publicly chastise Hillary over her dragging his name into her felonious evasions?

[Raven Nation]

He can't - he's a well-respected Republican and can only maintain that cache by criticizing Republicans.

[MetalBard]

And he'll be loved and adored by the entire media establishment for it, well that is unless he ever makes the mistake of running for office as a Republican, then over night he'll be an uncle tom who sold out to the evil white man.

[Hugh Akston]

So can we acknowledge at this point that "Kennedy" is really just FBN rebranding "The Independents" minus Kmele?

[TheZeitgeist]

If they don't buy it the first time, put it in a short skirt and try once more.

[John Titor]

So The Independents minus the best part?

[Matt Welch]

Kmele's on about as often as I am.

[Hugh Akston]

Well then what the hell was the problem with the Independents? Absent contrary evidence I'm going to assume it was your wardrobe.

[John Titor]

That's what I don't really get. Who the hell watched the Independents and went "Hey, you know what we really need more of? The loud, vapid one."

[Crusty Juggler]

People with functional eyes.

[John Titor]

Yes she's the Hot One, but this is exactly why you put the Hot One in a co-anchor position. Put the Nerd in as a correspondent and give the show to the Token.

[TheZeitgeist]

And the slightest imagination.

[Crusty Juggler]

I mean, Kmele's a total beefcake, but Kennedy has better legs.

[Hugh Akston]

You haven't even seen Kmele's legs.

[Groovus Maximus]

Who the hell watched the Independents and went "Hey, you know what we really need more of? The loud, vapid one."

Marketing 101: TITS SELL!

Unless Matt and Kmele want to prance around in Bros and Mansierres clad in fishnets and Fuck-Me-Pumps with strategically placed bands of duck tape, then they are relegated to backbencher Guest Status. Otherwise, FBN viewers use this device to safely view Kennedy. Think of it as, "Mute Button Plus!"

[Ted S.]

That may be how they do things in Ukraine, but we don't do it that way in America.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Foster and Welch refused to share the same studio. It got so expensive CGI-ing them together into the show that Fox Biz just pulled the plug. Listen to the podcast. It's just recordings of two separate conversations that someone edited together.

[Hugh Akston]

Huh, I thought Matt's parts on the 5th Column were just Moynihan talking about Gary Johnson polling through an autotuner.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Yeah, Moynihan can't do anyone but Moynihan. No, listen carefully. Moynihan is the only one talking to both of them. It's masterfully done.

[John Titor]

Matt Welch's position on that desk disturbs me, as if he is going to reach out of my computer screen, slip something in my drink, and I'll wake up in Warty's basement surrounded by frat boys as an engorged STEVE SMITH lubes up.

[SusanM]

He really ought to go with a lime and lavender-checkered leisure suit, gold chains and a porn stache if he's going to make that pose work.

[GILMORE?]

Matt's sass-factor in that photo is... disturbing.

[Fist of Etiquette]

The weight of the magazine off his shoulders means he can finally be himself. Watch for the locks to grow back out. And you won't see KMW anywhere anymore. She looks like the old woman from Titanic now.

[GILMORE?]

Soon he'll be like Paul Lynde in Hollywood Squares?

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

He wishes.

[Groovus Maximus]

Soon he'll be like Paul Lynde in Hollywood Squares?

More like Charles Nelson Reilly in

[Groovus Maximus]

She looks like the old woman from Titanic now.

Posiedon Adventure, actually, Fist of Observant. Note the form on the breaststroke.

[Ted S.]

Shelley Winters and water don't mix.

[Fist of Etiquette]

I'm Gene Hackman, except I won't die for you lot!

[Ted S.]

Neither will Michael Caine

[AlmightyJB]

Crusty would

[Ted S.]

So you're saying Matt's an overweight sassy black woman trapped inside a white man's body?

[AlmightyJB]

Minority Report

http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-37154918

[GILMORE?]

Sort of ridiculous.

Policing is by definition reactive.

I constantly refer to "the Wire" - and they themselves talked about the limits of mere "police presence" in deterring crime. (while at the same time insisting that it was a necessity in keeping a cap on it from growing)

the idea that cops catch criminals *before* they do bad-deeds (i.e. "prevent" crime) is something i think television projected into the public consciousness, which the media and politicians have exploited for decades. Now they seem to have started to believe their own B.S. (at least for the sake of spending a few million on some bullshit Rand-program, to at least be seen 'trying to do something')

NYC, fwiw, would routinely blow $100s of millions on similar retarded efforts. The post-9/11 "network of chemical sensors" intended to try and locate a WMD? that was a particularly funny one which of course no one was ever held accountable for. And then there were the "cameras" (which of course would require new-hires to 'watch' them... and yet no one for them to call and "stop" anyone, since most subway stations aren't manned etc.)

[Cynical Asshole]

who would be the ideal actor to play him in Clinton's debate-prep

Nicholas Cage could probably use the money, and we know he can do crazy. He can just re-hash his "performance" in The Wicker Man.

[Crusty Juggler]

Funny.

[Jerryskids]

I was thinking Robin Williams but I don't know who comes closest to that stream-of-consciousness galloping-off-in-all-directions-at-once sort of thing. Maybe Daniel Tosh? I've seen him do some rabbit-hole diving where he goes off on tangents of tangents, but it struck me as being a bit rather than anything spontaneous.

If Hillary has a lick of sense, she'll make sure every answer she gives ends with an aside commenting on Trump's hairpiece or his tiny hands or his fake tan and just trust that 90% of anything Trump says in response is going to be about that comment rather than a substantive rebuttal of the actual question.

[Ted S.]

That's an insult to Edward Woodward.

[DenverJ]

I humbly nominate Gary Busey for the role.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Kennedy: Judge, Jury and Executioner!

[Fist of Etiquette]

Who was playing the part of Lochte there? Spot on.

[Fist of Etiquette]

The found the emails because Comrade Trump hacked them and sent them to Putin who then sent them to Wikileaks!

[Fist of Etiquette]

None of them invited John Kerry over later.

[Fist of Etiquette]

So I take it Konst is a Bernie Bro.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Did Welch just have Trump putting people on trains???

[Fist of Etiquette]

Get that guy who played Lochte at the beginning of the show to play Trump for Hillary.

[GILMORE?]

Naomi seems to be consistent (with the above) at least

She looks like she's on her way to a bat-mitzvah in Five Towns. i'd probably end up hitting it. but i'd look deeply into her eyes and say, 'honey, just please, (whispers, puts finger on lips) dial. it. down.'

Matt on the other hand has his game pretty much together. His tie is uncharacteristically tight. I can't detect collar-stay problems. There is some bunching behind the neck; he's not a sloucher.... maybe just bad cut. Otherwise = +3 Mad Men.

[Fist of Etiquette]

I don't see a dimple in that tie knot. F-.

[Fist of Etiquette]

When Trump is the other product, you don't need to sell yourself.

[GILMORE?]

quilted red leather vest? WTF

[Jerryskids]

Well, I might have watched if I hadn't been running around the house flailing at a bat with a broom in a vain attempt to get the stupid thing to fly out one of the doors. Finally got a good enough whack at it that I think it's dead. Maybe just stunned. But I pitched it out the door any way. How stupid is a bat that it won't fly out the damn door?

[Fist of Etiquette]

Very.

[GILMORE?]

How stupid is a bat that it won't fly out the damn door?

I recall a similar situation when i was a kid staying in a vacation-cabin in the woods somewhere and my dad tried shooing a bat out with a broom

in the process he took out the main ceiling light, leaving everyone in the dark.

We did not at the time consider the bat the stupid one.

My grandfather heard the story and snorted that you should just open the doors and windows and wait.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Yeah dogs don't have arms to lose in the first place.

[Fist of Etiquette]

I was hoping this was going to be about Harambe.

[Fist of Etiquette]

Welch trawls YouTube.

[Fist of Etiquette]

He's crying because he knows how many bricks he's going to be stepping on and how painful it will be.

[Fist of Etiquette]

That's hipsterism these days?

[Fist of Etiquette]

Who picks Lloyd Braun as their spokesman?

[Fist of Etiquette]

If something's banned that means people don't do it.

[Fist of Etiquette]

It's not weed people are worked up about, dummy. It's the stepping stone to face-eating!

[Fist of Etiquette]

Libertarians are shutting down private prisons? I knew you people were so not legit.

[GILMORE?]

She sounds like she had a short list of nice things to say about libertarians, then shot her wad and blurted out all of them at once during the "legalize weed" segment. (maybe she'd saved a few and needed to get them in before the bell)

[Fist of Etiquette]

It would be nice if she'd just open up a trap door under the panel at this point in the show.

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[Cynical Asshole]

a dumpster full of fish, sitting behind a Vegas casino, in August

Enough about Hillary's snatch odor...

[Ska]

"Chinatown in August" is my go to description of olfactory offense.

[Ted S.]

Don't you care how the 1984 Olympics revitalized the economy of Sarajevo?