Trump Releases SCOTUS Short List, Clinton Surrogate Says 'Probably More Ugly Women' in America, First of Kidnapped Nigerian Schoolgirls Found: P.M. Links

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  • White House

    Donald Trump released a list of 11 people he would consider nominating for the Supreme Court.

  • Hillary Clinton surrogate Ed Rendell said Trump's comments on women could hurt him because there are "probably more ugly women in America than attractive women."
  • The Pentagon says it doesn't need additional U.S. troops to defend Baghdad in the wake of a series of ISIS bombings.
  • The first of 200 schoolgirls kidnapped by Boko Haram from Chibook, Nigeria two years ago has been found—military officials say she was rescued, locals say she wandered out of a forest with her baby and husband.
  • African Union troops are set to withdraw from Mogadishu stadium four years after al-Shabaab militants were driven out of the city. The stadium has not hosted a sporting event since the government collapse in 1991.
  • The auction for the gun with which George Zimmerman killed Trayvon Martin has reportedly closed at $120,000.
  • Police were able to tranquilize a bear that led two California schools to go on lockdown.

NEXT: Europe's Proto-Trumpism, Venezuela's Useful Idiots, and Kmele Foster's L.P. Ambivalence

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  1. We give thanks to Krayewski for these links we are provided.

    1. Hello.

      /Stern narrows gaze while tapping foot aggressively. Very stern and aggressively.

    2. Ed is totes better than Robby!

      1. All linkers are good in their own way.

    3. So say we all!

      1. On this we stake our very souls!

    4. I liked it better when Robby forgot to post the links.

      1. We did get a cool Hitler video as a result.

  2. Donald Trump released a list of 11 people he would consider nominating for the Supreme Court.

    Judy was too expensive even for Trump.

    1. Is it true Cookie Monster made the list?

      1. No. But Jessica Rabbit did.

        1. NICE!

        2. We’re gonna need a redesign of the robes.

    2. In the first place, if the list ain’t got “Donald Trump” front and center it’s not a real list and second:

      Trump had said he would like to appoint judges in the mold of deeply conservative as Scalia, who died in February.

      In the statement, he described Scalia as “a remarkable person and a brilliant Supreme Court Justice.”

      “His career was defined by his reverence for the Constitution and his legacy of protecting Americans’ most cherished freedoms,” he added. “He was a justice who did not believe in legislating from the bench and he is a person whom I held in the highest regard and will always greatly respect his intelligence and conviction to uphold the Constitution of our country.”

      Scalia dissented on Kelo you lying sack of shit.

    3. How about Bob Odenkirk as a no nonsense judge?

      1. How about Judge Reinhold?

  3. The Pussy Whisperers

    Gay Until Labor Day: Stretching Female Sexuality in the Hamptons

    At the party that night, the music blared. Some women and I were chatting about sex. A 30-something fashion plate and mother leaned toward me and whispered, “What about the [inaudible]?”

    It sounded like she said, “pushy whistlers.”

    Sorry?

    “The pussy whisperers!” she repeated. “The trainers who have affairs with their clients during summer in the Hamptons!”

    It sounded like a variation on the pool boy clich?: a hot working guy, the beautiful wife of a wealthy man who works in the city during the week, the kids at sleep-away camp?But I hadn’t heard the term?which implied a particular skill set, and a special knowledge about what women want?before. “Well,” I said, “if these men are attractive and attentive to their female clients?”

    “The pussy whisperers,” she interrupted, “are women!”

    1. “Dear Penthouse…”

      1. Pft. Amateur.

        “Dear Hustler…”

        Or if you’re Crusty: “Dear 60+”

        1. “Dear Completely Ruined Junk…”

      1. +1 Gay Starfleet officers

      2. *crosses Hamptons off my summer itinerary*

          1. Exactly.

    2. Which brings us back to the pussy whisperers. How, I wondered, could women who did not have their own money and income act on their flexuality? Wouldn’t their financial dependency, and their dependent offspring, along with their traditionally gender-scripted marriages and comparatively conservative culture, hold them hostage to some sort of heterosexual normativity?

      How can women with husbands possibly eat pussy? How? It’s a paradox! PATRIARCHYYYYYYYY

      1. It’s not cheating if there’s no d-ing.

        1. It’s not adultery of there’s no hole-pokery. It’s not cuckoldry if there’s no cock-in-she.

        2. I believe “eatin’ ain’t cheatin'” is the phrase you are looking for.

          1. Somebody’s definition of ‘is’ may be required here.

      2. If I’ve learned anything from that TV show with Blake Lively its that the upper crust types have a lot of skeletons in the closet. So the answer to his inquiry is: the threat of divorce/criminal charges/murder.

      3. Their rich husbands are too busy earning that money to know that the “bridge club” are actually having lesbian orgies.

    3. Nobody can make taboo sex boring like a Manhattanite social commentator.

      1. so this

  4. Hillary Clinton surrogate Ed Rendell said Trump’s comments on women could hurt him because there are “probably more ugly women in America than attractive women.”

    So… he’s the one carrying her babylarvae?

    1. Let me get this straight. Saying that American women, on average, are ugly is going to HELP Clinton?

      1. She’s negging them. It’ll totally work, Johnny Longtorso promised!

        1. [golf clap]

        2. That’s not how negs work. They’ll just think she’s a cunt, or at best, a catty bitch-withering hag.

          1. catty bitch-withering hag!!

        3. Come on, we’ll never have a negger in the White House.

    2. It’s a bell curve. Not a euphemism.

  5. *sobs in relief*

    1. It’s ok, big guy.

  6. Hillary Clinton surrogate Ed Rendell said Trump’s comments on women could hurt him because there are “probably more ugly women in America than attractive women.”

    So does this get tallied against Trump or Hillary?

    1. I look forward to the coming “No Fat Chicks” billboard on 95 outside of DC.

  7. I’ve discovered my new favorite insane leftist website. It’s even funnier than Everyday Feminism.

    It’s called “The Establishment” and has headlines such as Azealia Banks’ Twitter Ban Reminds Us Freedom Of Speech Is For Whites Only

    And then there’s this hilarious nonsense

    “The Ableist, Racist, Classist Underpinnings Of ‘Laziness'”

    “Hello, I’m a lazy Millennial.

    In other words, I’m from a generation that has worked more hours for less money than any generation before me, but occasionally I eat a granola bar for breakfast instead of pouring myself a bowl of cereal. According to some, including many writers of online thinkpieces, that’s enough to make me “lazy.””

    1. Hot take: Millennials are the poorest and hardest working generation *in the history of the human species.*

      They might not be lazy, but she’s not doing much to prove my generation isn’t retarded

      1. Um, try telling that to WV coal miners or sharecroppers.

        1. Dude, like Millenials built the pyramids! And the Panama Canal!

    2. They’re hosting their site in Colombia?

    3. You can work hard and work stupid at the same time.

    4. The primary problem with Batman v. Superman is that it wasn’t gay enough says former Reason writer.

      “Or, perhaps, the two have to fight because fighting is the way that manly men express affection for each other. My wife breezily asked me when I got home from the film if Superman and Batman got back together in the end, and that is in fact a much more relevant question than which one “wins.” The battle ends when Batman stands over Superman holding a long, pointed, phallic Kryptonite spear. “You’re not even a man,” the Caped Crusader growls, in case we were in any doubt as to who was topping. Then the tension is diffused by the entrance of Lois, and the revelation that their mothers have the same name. Too much intimacy? Bring in the women.”

      “The film ends with Superman’s death?and shortly thereafter we learn that he was about to propose to Lois. Did Doomsday kill him, or was it the intimation of marriage? Superman can only be Superman when he is in clinches with other supermen; heterosexual coupledom makes him disintegrate. Better fiery cosummation with Doomsday than life as someone other than himself with Lois.”

      1. “Noah Berlatsky

        Noah edits the online comics-and-culture website The Hooded Utilitarian and is the author of the book Wonder Woman: Bondage and Feminism in the Marston/Peter Comics, 1941-1948.”

        God dammit.

    5. This website is the gift that keeps on giving

      “Hello, Internet! My name is Emily, and I’m a white supremacist.

      I know you might find this revelation upsetting, but before you start taking me to task, please allow me explain what I mean by that.

      I don’t mean that I believe white people are inherently superior to Black people, or to anyone else for that matter. I believe that empathy is the highest human quality, and that privilege is one of the greatest obstacles to empathy because it allows us to ignore or rationalize the suffering of people whose experiences are different from our own. By this measure, the more privilege you have, the more challenging it is for you to be “good.””

      “I’m a white supremacist. If you’re white and American, you’re probably a white supremacist, too. This isn’t the end of the world?it’s a beginning. The first step is admitting we have a problem.”

      Full retard is not achievable

      1. So she starts with herself, which then transforms into everybody?

        1. Damn, I wish Epi were here. Progeny? Prognostication? Projection! That’s it, projection.

          1. He was crushed by Winston’s mom. It was a tragedy, straight up. Services were last week.

      2. Full retard is not achievable

        But html tags are.

      3. There’s not such thing as ‘Peak Retard’, Irish.

      4. POOR PEOPLE DESERVE TO TASTE SOMETHING OTHER THAN SHAME

        That’s right, they deserve cake. And Hillary is the only one with A 30 BILLION DOLLAR PROGRAM to give them cake!

      5. You know, insisting that it’s your race’s unique capacity and manifest destiny to right all the wrongs of the world and being it into peaceful utopianism under the benevolent authoritarianism of right-thinking ubermenschen seems… pretty racially supremacist.

        1. +1 White Man’s Burden

          1. I’ve ranted about this before. Progressives despise the idea of American exceptionalism and white supremacy, but for a species largely defined by its brutal intolerance for the other, insisting that whites or Americans or the West is uniquely capable of atoning for the original sin of supremacy is by definition exceptionalism.

            1. You make no sense after two Lime-A-Ritias.

      6. Looking for the comments section? We don’t have one!

        An entire website as a safe space.

      7. Yeah, so selfless. Those who are vulnerable need “empathy” in order to be able to detect threats, and they need others’ empathy so that these others won’t harm them. Thing is, she’s not privileged enough – in other words, she is and feels vulnerable – to rule out self-interest and empty words. Her acknowlegdment of her own “privilege” is a move to show that she is no threat — a move to protect herself.

      8. Hello, Internet! My name is Emily, and I’m a white supremacist.

        I don’t mean that I believe white people are inherently superior to Black people, or to anyone else for that matter.

        IOW, you’re not a white supremacist.

      9. I believe that empathy is the highest human quality

        Empathy is a word I’m really starting to hate.

        Also, way to dehumanize autistic people, shitbird.

        1. fucking cisberger bitch.

    6. I worked three times as hard at my food and customer service jobs as I did at any of my digital marketing positions. And yet contemptuous thinkpiecers keep on describing people who work in those industries as “lazy.”

      I don’t even know where to begin with stupidity like this. It’s like random sentences just burble out, without any attempt to form a coherent theme.

    7. I was going to posit that the site is satire, because I thought Azealia Banks is white. I guess not. I think I mixed her up with that white Australian girl that likes to rap and stuff. That’s not Ariana Grande, right? I think it’s someone else.

        1. Riiight. See, the confusion at least makes sense. Iggy Azealia Banks.

          1. Azealia has a beef with Iggy over the name, among other things.

      1. Iggy Azalea, which disturbingly comes up before Iggy Pop on a Google search.

    8. Isn’t Noah Berlatzsky a former/occasional Reason writer?

      He appears there @ “The Establishment” with this tasty offering =

      The Enduring Racism Of Wonder Woman

      He seemed to specialize in concern-trolling comicbook stories, so i think the new piece is consistent at least

      1. this is what i get for reading the comments backwards

    9. The site is the Pravda of the super low-IQ, reflexively anti-irony millennial set. All informal verbal quips in written format and cutesy idiocy. And phrases like “attacked by white privilege” as if a concept can be sentient.

      Most of their writers seem to be based in Seattle. Because of course they are…

      Jesus, fuck Seattle.

  8. Police were able to tranquilize a bear that led two California schools to go on lockdown

    Did he have Frozen bubblegum?

    1. -1 right to arm bears

    2. This is why we haven’t heard from Jesse lately.

    3. Why I love Minnesoda. A woman was attacked and mauled by a bear on the deck of her house and refuses to talk to the media about it.

      Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m thinking that if this happened out East we’d be watching interviews with this lady on CNN for hours.

      1. They’d probably interview the bear as well.

      2. Obama would call for us to take up the fight against bearphobia

        1. He’d also blame one of the Bundy clan, I’m sure.

      3. The area where I live borders the National Forest. One of my neighbors was doing dishes when she heard a noise behind her. A bear had wandered in through the open door, probably attracted by food smells. She said that her first reaction was to grab a broom and start whacking the bear on his nose shouting, “Get out of my kitchen!” The bear quickly retreated. The whole thing was an impulse and she said that only afterwards had she realized what she had actually done.

        Country living!

        … Hobbit

        1. When you go into the BWCA (Boundary Waters Canoe Area) they show you a video about how you are expected to act. One of the sections is on how to confront bears and chase them out of your camp.

          That always leads to a lot of snorting and giggling as we designate someone to be the full time bear shoo-er.

  9. The stadium has not hosted a sporting event since the government collapse in 1991.

    But it was featured in a blockbuster film set not long after that.

    1. The stadium is in Somalia, right?

      1. Why would Somalia need a stadium? What sort of game could they host there in a country that HAS NO RULES!

        1. Smear the Queer?

          1. We played that game daily in our school playground. You do NOT need a stadium for that. In fact I think most people prefer to play that locally in their own neighborhood.

            1. I find your lack of vision disturbing.

        2. Australian football?

  10. “probably more ugly women in America than attractive women.”

    “Always marry an ugly girl.
    That’s the only kind.
    She’ll never, ever leave you;
    but if she does you won’t mind.”

    1. +1 fat chick. Warm in the winter and shade in the summer.

      1. -1 empty fridge.

      2. “My cousin married an ugly girl.
        She drank from a special cup.
        Her top lip stuck way, way out,
        But her bottom lip covered it up.”

      3. Plus many concealed carry locations.

    2. A pretty girl, she’ll leave you
      Leave you to drown in your own tears
      An ugly girl, she’ll leave you too
      But then again, who really cares?

      – Charlie Robison

  11. “The first of 200 schoolgirls kidnapped by Boko Haram from Chibook, Nigeria two years ago has been found…”

    Hash tags work, people!

    1. FB Likes or GTFO!

    2. At this rate… I wouldn’t want to be girl number 200.

    3. Why, at this rate the majority will have died of old age before they are rescued.

  12. Police were able to tranquilize a bear that led two California schools to go on lockdown.

    Hopefully out of a tree an onto a trampoline.

    1. “Ursine Roofies” would be a good name for a band.

  13. The first of 200 schoolgirls kidnapped by Boko Haram from Chibook, Nigeria two years ago has been found?military officials say she was rescued, locals say she wandered out of a forest with her baby and husband.

    Finally, Michelle’s ‘Bring back our girls’ renders a return.

    199 more of those suckers and we’re good to go.

  14. Donald Trump released a list of 11 people he would consider nominating for the Supreme Court.

    Spoiler: I am not on that list.

  15. Hillary Clinton surrogate Ed Rendell said Trump’s comments on women could hurt him because there are “probably more ugly women in America than attractive women.”

    That’ll show those misogynistic Trump types.

    1. WHY WOULD ANYONE HAVE TO KEEP REFRESHING? The Links show up at a specific time or they don’t deserve my participation.

      1. You have some kinda string theory based time warp, either share the secret or begone demon.

        1. A few weeks ago in AM Links I gave the power to Bee Tagger in a fit of promethean benevolence and it backfired on me, pun intended. You people are on your own.

      2. Sounds like a plan. They should never post the links at that specific time.

        1. It’s little known (or remembered) that Morning Links (as they were known in olden times) were posted at random times until I successfully lobbied Riggs to settle on a specific time.

          1. That is not humble enough to qualify as a humble-brag.

    2. BRAVISSIMO!

      1. Hat tip to Injun from India

      2. Ditto! That was awesome

    3. I came here to post the same clip. Bravo, Injun! That was beautiful.

      … Hobbit

    4. That. Is. Perfect.

  16. Boko Haram from Chibook, Nigeria

    COME ON DOWN!

    1. Congrats on making me LOL. Wife is looking at me funny.

  17. The Pentagon says it doesn’t need additional U.S. troops to defend Baghdad in the wake of a series of ISIS bombings.

    The Iraqis have it themselves?

  18. “Hillary Clinton surrogate Ed Rendell said Trump’s comments on women could hurt him because there are “probably more ugly women in America than attractive women.”

    You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if ugly people vote Trump.

    Also, does he mean ugly inside or outside?

    Because Hillary has both sides covered I reckon.

  19. 5/17. Never forget!!

    “Hillary Clinton surrogate Ed Rendell said Trump’s comments on women could hurt him because there are “probably more ugly women in America than attractive women.””

    I am really, really starting to enjoy this campaign season.

    1. Just wait until the Philadelphia convention. I predict massive popcorn shortages.

      1. I may actual wander down to the Wells Fargo Center to take it all in. Maybe take the kids with me, it will definitely be a learning experience.

        1. Damn refresh. I heard the convention center, not WFC. Am I wrong?

        2. I thought it was out at the WF b/c the convention center is too small. I’ll double check. I’d rather it be in Center City.

      2. AND they’re holding it at the convention center, right in the middle of the city. The opportunity for mayhem should be greatly increased. The republican convention was held in the stadium area, a much less population-dense area.

  20. Hillary Clinton surrogate Ed Rendell said Trump’s comments on women could hurt him because there are “probably more ugly women in America than attractive women.”

    LOL!

    1. Ugly women like your mother.

      1. So you are saying my mom is hot?

        1. I doubt she’s very attractive. But I do know she wasn’t smart enough to get an abortion.

          1. No, no. She did, but it didn’t take.

          2. I do know she wasn’t smart enough to get an abortion.

            I thought that was your mom…

            1. Whoa, sick burn, dude.

            2. Winston, you should apprentice with cytotoxic to improve your comebacks.

  21. The bear link is SF’d.

  22. WARE MAH LYNCKS…oh

    1. I hear they pulled them out of your mother. And there’s plenty more where those came from. Because your mom is a whore.

      1. Stop with the slut shaming. And your mother wore army boots.

        1. Your mom is a shame.

        2. I didn’t say she was a slut, I said she was a whore.

          1. A slut is a hobbyist, a whore is a businesswoman.

            1. Or businessman, in Winston’s mom’s case.

              1. Stop the transphobia!

                1. Scientists haven’t yet settled on a name for “discomfort with Winston’s mom,” but all agree that it is definitely a real phenomenon.

                  1. Scientists have yet to figure out a term for internet commenters as vile sludge require years of analysis…

          2. I think the proper term is wicked woman.

            1. For your mom? Dude, harsh.

              1. I was thinking of your mom actually…

    2. The links are part of the libertarian moment.

      1. Much like Winston’s mom.

        1. I thought there were no libertarian women?

      2. Soon Gary Johnson will get 1.5% of the vote…

        1. Your mom gets Johnson.

            1. Did you just agree that your mom gets around? That is some cold shit.

              1. Like me defending her would make you believe otherwise…

                1. You have the strangest ideas about what constitutes a retort.

                  1. That’s what he said…

          1. 1.5% Johnson is just the tip.

  23. The auction for the gun with which George Zimmerman killed Trayvon Martin has reportedly closed at $120,000.

    How much for the Frozen bubble gun that a 5yo used to get kicked out of school?

  24. Justice Willette is on the short list. STOP GIVING ME REASONS TO VOTE FOR TRUMP!!!! Though he’d probably make GaJo’s short list also

    1. Yeah, when I RTFA, I was like there’s no way Trump came up with this list, or even wrote the statement. At least one of his handlers has got things figured out.

      1. Maybe it will happen on other things as well. Trump really has no ideas of his own except how to stir the shit and get attention for it. So I think his policies will fully depend on who’s handling them.

        1. So, I’ll probably vote LP, but, as of now, I’m rooting for Trump to beat Hillary. Maybe its an unreasonable bias in my part, but I actually hate Hillary Clinton, on a personal level.

  25. The WaPo has a full-feature-Hand-Wringer about Trump’s YUGER than expected popularity in PA Suburbs…areas which Democrats assumed would insulate the state from potential Trump victory

    Here =

    “”Suburban Democrats [are] marveling ? and agitating ? about Trump’s unexpected popularity in their communities.””

    I think the fact that the MSM has treated Trump like a joke has left most Democrats convinced that he is one, and therefore “no sensible people” could possibly support him.

    Its a self-fulfilling prophesy created by the establishment view. “he’s unacceptable!” says newspaper = therefore, he should be. They don’t seem to account for people actually ‘thinking for themselves’. That people are still expressing this sort of confused disbelief at this point is what’s so ridiculous.

    This is, unsurprisingly, the same place the above “Ugly Chicks” Governor was speaking in regards to. I think perhaps he has underestimated many people’s attitudes towards Ugly Chicks

    1. Isokay. GEORGE CLOONEY IS ON THE CASE.

      He really needs to find a superhero mask though.

    2. I think the fact that the MSM has treated Trump like a joke has left most Democrats convinced that he is one, and therefore “no sensible people” could possibly support him.

      That, and the fact that most Trump voters won’t talk about that with hostiles. The only good thing about a Trump victory would be that transcendent Pauline Kael* moment and the look of slack-jawed disbelief on the mouths of so many people.

      (*)Duly noted that her “I don’t know anyone who voted for Nixon” was mostly apocryphal, but she’s stuck with that meme despite pissy Vanity Fair (lol) articles.

    3. It’s like how all of the main stream political pundits seem to be so hung up on who’s going to endorse Donald Trump. Really? The political establishment not only did not endorse the guy but they vigorously opposed him. How did that work out? And now they all of the sudden think that Trump’s chances are tied to whether or not Paul Ryan endorses him? Are these fuckers for real? They have no self awareness at all.

  26. The stadium has not hosted a sporting event since the government collapse in 1991.

    But on the bright side, it hasn’t been a font of government boondoggles supporting billionaire team owners either.

  27. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMfUjDnpfRY

    Do you like this new Ghostbusters trailer or are you a misogynist bro?

    1. What does your mom think?

      1. I know what Epi’s Mom thinks of you…

        1. So she doesn’t talk to you anymore? Because you’re such an embarrassment?

          1. Well Epi’s mom doesn’t want to talk to me anymore after finding out about your “stories”…

            1. Your own mom doesn’t want to talk to you anymore, either.

              1. No she talks to me fine. Your mom tells me all about how she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore.

                1. Dude, you are really bad at this.

                  1. She hasn’t talked to you since she had your ankles pierced and pinned…oh wait.

                    1. He really is bad at this. Citizen X, don’t you have any empathy? This is supposed to be a safe place.

      2. SugarFree,
        What kind of diabetes do you have? I was just diagnosed with type II (waiting on my A1C results) and just wanted some tips/observations from you. You do/do not have to respond with anything perverted.

        1. Type I with Type II complications. Insulin and metformin will both make you ravenously hungry, but eating less and losing weight is really the only thing that works in the long term.

          Watch cutting out all carbs because the insulin trigger mechanism no longer works correctly. Your blood sugar will crash and you will binge thoughtlessly.

          1. Thanks! The first few days I tried Atkins and that was a mistake. I’m learning.

            1. I don’t know if you know my story, but I’m gonna put in my two cents worth:
              You want to control your diabetes with diet and exercise. If you have to run 4 hrs a day wearing a 100lb pack, that’s what you want to do.
              Once things start going south, they can do so pretty quickly. What that means is drugs to control things like your blood pressure, chronic pain, etc. Those drugs then start causing further organ failures. Organs include your eyes, BTW, as well as liver, esophagus, etc.
              For God’s sake, man, eat right and exercise.

        2. Ask him how he got the beetus. It’s a great story.

          1. Swapping spit with Wilford Brimley?

    2. Your mom is a trailer.

      1. Lame. Yo Momma is so fat she has her own time zone!

        1. Your mom is so fat, she has smaller fat women orbiting her. Your mom is so fat, she went to Five Guys and now it’s just One Guy. Your mom is so fat, she broke her leg and gravy came out.

          1. Let’s class this up with some Shakespeare:

            Painter: “Y’are a dog.”

            Apemantus: “Thy mother’s of my generation. What’s she, if I be a dog?”

            1. Your mom is so lupine, she chases rabbits. Your mom is so lupine, Sarah Palin shot at her from a helicopter.

              If lupine facial features were pizzas, your mom would have five pizzas that freak everybody out.

              1. Yo Momma is so fat she is also your wife! (sorry for the heteronormative ciscism…)

                1. You really are bad at this. Unlike your mom who is bad at everything, except being a slut.

                  1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maternal_insult

                    “Your mom”, sometimes also “yo momma”, generally depicts an obese, unemployed, permissive, poor, unintelligent and ugly person. The phrase is usually not literally meant as a direct insult to a person’s mother, but is supposed to describe a type of imaginative fantasy person with the said characteristics. When visually depicted, “your mom” is usually ugly, neglected or absurdly obese. These attributes are also seen in the intro of a maternal insult, e.g. “Your mom is so fat,…”, but sometimes occur later within the joke or even deliver the punchline itself.

                    Sometimes, even the gender of the “mom” is doubted, which is reflected in a lacking femininity or excessive masculinity.

                    1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vanishing_twin


                      A vanishing twin, also known as fetal resorption, is a fetus in a multi-gestation pregnancy which dies in utero and is then partially or completely reabsorbed by the twin

                      Scientists have recently renamed it the SugarFree/Citizen X Syndrome.

                  2. Anyway your momma is such a fox that not even PETA will prevent her from being shot.

            2. Your mom’s so fat, she bends light!

              1. Your Momma’s so fat she disproves the theory of Relativity!

        2. Your mom was the inspiration for one of Sugarfree’s stories.

          1. Shit, dude.

          2. Day-um.

            1. SugarFree’s story was written by Sophocles.

      2. I see this is turning into the new masturbation euphemism gag.

        1. Winston was asking for it.

          So was his mom, in a different way.

          1. Can’t you kids take this elsewhere and stop shitting up my comment section!

            *angrily shakes metal fist*

      3. She hauls a lot of loads.

        1. Bobarian gets it.

          1. Gross weight, too

  28. Mah Dog-Baby! ”

    (*vague cinema reference to Potemkin-Steps/Untouchables, cliche pearl-clutching)

    Seriously, its a feature-news story about some crazy yuppies who lost their sick pampered little lapdog. I bet they met at Starbucks. I don’t know why its news. The ‘reward’ i guess.

    1. “That’s right…you’re lactose intolerant now”

  29. Islamophobia = Still a Problm in US, Canada, EU


    A group of 51 Muslim states has blocked 11 gay and transgender organizations from attending a high-level meeting at the United Nations next month on ending AIDS, sparking a protest by the United States, Canada and the European Union.

    1. “Given that transgender people are 49 times more likely to be living with HIV than the general population, their exclusion from the high-level meeting will only impede global progress in combating the HIV/AIDS pandemic,” Power wrote.

      Is that so? Are transgender people 49 times more likely to make progress in combating the HIV/AIDS pandemic than the general population, or what?

    2. It’s nice to see the UN trolling the likes of the ME, Russia, and China for a change. I’m sure they’ll cave anyway.

    3. BRYAN ADAMS BOYCOTTS!

  30. Judge Dreams of Own TV Show; Hands out Wacky Sentences

    There was the time he forced a woman who abandoned sickly kittens to spend a night alone in the woods without water, food or entertainment.

    Or the time a man caught with a loaded gun was ordered to go to the local morgue to view corpses.

    On another occasion in 2002, a man who had referred to a police officer as a “pig” was order to stand beside a live pig with a sign that read, “This is not a police officer.”

    Ten years ago, Cicconetti offered to cut the sentence of a man who shot his Great Dane in the head ? but only if the owner of the slain dog agreed to wear a Safety Pup costume and visit Painesville’s elementary schools.

    1. Isn’t it bad enough Idiocracy is our future, do we now have to experience Night Court in real life as well?

    2. On another occasion in 2002, a man who had referred to a police officer as a “pig” was order to stand beside a live pig with a sign that read, “This is not a police officer.”

      Wait, what?

      In 2002, he ordered a Painesville man to stand with a live pig next to a sign that read “This is not a police officer,” after the man pleaded guilty to misdemeanor disorderly conduct. The man had referred to an officer as a pig during their confrontation.

      We’re ignoring the blatant 1st amendment violation there I guess?

      1. It’s not a violation if the perp agrees to it. Also, taxes are voluntary.

    1. How many of them actually get any health care?

      1. Ixnay on the estionquays.

    2. CNBC continues to carry water for the Obama administration. Why?

  31. ‘God is Being Eroded, Eclipsed, Liquidated’ in the United States, Cardinal Says

    Cardinal Sarah pointed out specific events “in the name of ‘tolerance'” that have contributed to this erosion, including … ‘bathroom bills’ that allow men to use the women’s restrooms and locker rooms.”

    I pray he’s [don’t let the name fool you] a Hillary surrogate.

    1. He wrote this scathing opinion while an 8-year-old worked his shaft under the desk.

      1. Sad. How good could a blowjob from an 8-year-old be? Probably doesn’t even know to cup the balls.

    2. You’re confused Cardinal, you have a girl name. No bathroom for you!

  32. Forest Bathing” – aka ‘walking aimlessly in woods’ – Newest ‘Health Craze’

    Bigger than Zoomba, Say Experts. Also, Oriental Overtones, Ergo Appeal to Yogaphiles

    Those that practice Shinrin-yoku explain that it differs from hiking or informative nature excursions because it centers on the therapeutic aspects of forest bathing. …Other studies have found an association between Shinrin-yoku and a boost in immune function. Subjects took a 3-day/2-night trip to forest areas in Japan with researchers taking blood and urine samples before and after the excursion. The numbers of natural killer cells ? a type of white blood cell that fights infected or tumor cells ? and other immune system markers were significantly higher after forest bathing than before.

    1. Huh, I walk aimlessly through the woods all the time, who knew it would be a health craze.

      1. I live next to 1000 acres of state forest and walk on the trails in it all the time (well, the spring and summer). I assume these are Japanese hipsters introducing the idea to America.

      2. Huh, I walk aimlessly through the woods all the time, who knew it would be a health craze.

        It doesn’t count when you have a rifle.

        1. Double barrel shotgun of late…the communist state of Illinois does not allow one to carry around a .22 caliber rifle(“dangerous projectile that travels too far”). And I do walk without a long gun when mushroom hunting.

          1. And I do walk without a long gun when mushroom hunting.

            You fool! Other shroomers could come along and steal your bounty!

    2. Wouldn’t it be easier to hang a crystal around your neck?

    3. “Tick Bathing” – Next ‘Health Craze’

    4. And stumbling onto corpses of suicides in the woods will make your body image better and cure ringworm.

    5. Ted Bundy also liked forest bathing.

    6. Other studies have found an association between Shinrin-yoku and lyme disease and poison ivy.

  33. Slate article on Trump’s list of 11 potential Supreme Court justices:

    “The 11 names on his list are all staunchly right wing, more in the vein of the blatantly partisan Justice Samuel Alito than of the libertarian-leaning iconoclast Justice Antonin Scalia.”

    Hmmm…progs used to think Scalia was the devil. Now that Scalia is safely in the grave, progs can start praising him. When Alito dies, they’ll sing his praises and contrast Alito with living conservative judges.

    But let’s keep going:

    “These are judges who think the First Amendment protects a religious group’s right to discriminate against gays, and plutocrats’ right to buy elections, but not the free speech of students or abortion doctors. Down the line, they view the Second Amendment as near-absolute. They don’t like economic regulation, abortion, or contraception, but they don’t mind stringent voting restrictions. Oh, and they are all absolutely brilliant. If this is what you want the United States Supreme Court to look like?and a lot of conservatives do?Trump is your man.”

    Please, please let this be true.

    1. The fact that Don Willett is on Trump’s list actually makes me think I should vote for him…

      1. That’s his hook with conservative voters right there. He’s now negotiating with the voter, now that he has won the argument against the GOP establishment.

        If nothing else, it will be interesting to see him make these deals. Unfortunately he will deal in anything including liberty, economic sanity, and everything else.

    2. They don’t like contraception? Citation needed on that one.

      And I wonder what they are talking about with stringent voting restrictions? Requiring registration or proof of identification? Is anyone even advocating anything other than this level of restriction?

      ….. so after a quick read…. One guy had something about contraception.

      decision concluding that the Pregnancy Discrimination Act of 1978 did not require insurance companies to cover contraception for women who only need birth control to prevent pregnancy.

      So maybe he hates contraception. Or maybe he simply read the law correctly as written.

      Hardiman sounds like he loves the police state in most of all. But it could be that he’s just following precedent.

      Hardiman wrote that there is no clearly established First Amendment right to videotape law enforcement officers in public

      Maybe not established at the time, but one that has since been established.

      Diane Sykes…. held that the Constitution protects firing ranges, locating a right to use such ranges in the penumbra of the Second Amendment.

      Eh, who wouldn’t agree on that? Absent further info on the case anyway.

      Anyway, their generalizations seem way over-broad, given that they highlight only a few cases by a few judges to say they all are the same. They might be horrible, but this article seems to be a shallow smear campaign.

  34. I suppose the media will end up tracking down whoever bought Zimmerman’s gun. So we’ll have to endure another round of this stupidity.

    But I admit that I am mildly curious as to what kind of person would drop 100k on that kind of memorabilia. Who wants to commemorate something like that? It isn’t likely to become a collectible that increases in value. In fact, it seems more like the kind of thing to be forgotten in a few more years.

    1. I’m thinking the buyer will give the gun to Trayvon’s parents for “closure”.

      1. Maybe with 100 bullets to go with it?

    2. They will never let the Zimmerman story end until he shoots himself.

  35. Noted = TodaysYesterday’s WaPo Opinion Section:

    Reince Priebus, fool
    By Richard Cohen

    Conservatives make a deal with the devil [Trump]
    By Michael Gerson

    The rank nihilism driving the GOP’s acceptance of Trump
    Editorial Board

    Trump’s bizarre, dangerous neediness.
    by Eugene Robinson

    Does Donald Trump believe anything that he tweets?
    By Erik Wemple

    Next to those links is was an entirely un-ironic headline =

    Clinton fires back at critic: ‘It’s time that people stop listening to Republican propaganda

    They’re just so *subtle*.

    Today? The pants-shitting is all about Bernie, natch.

  36. Trump’s comments like, ‘You can’t be a 10 if you’re flat-chested,’ that’ll come back to haunt him.

    I beg to differ, Mr. Trump.

    In related news, Google decides it hasn’t confused users enough with Google Talk, Google+ Messenger, Google Voice, Google Hangouts, and Google Messenger, announcing Snapchat and FaceTime competitors Allo and Duo.

    1. Your comment is not in a form of a question.

      I’m just literally going by your handle.

      1. Epiphanius wrote an eighty-chapter book attacking Christian heretics and the Gospels they used. In the course of his discussion he mentions a Gospel about Mary Magdalene that sounds very bizarre indeed. In this account, Epiphanius alleges, Jesus took Mary to the top of a mountain and then in her presence pulled a woman out from his side (much as Eve came forth from Adam) and began having sexual intercourse with her. When he reached climax, he pulled out of her and consumed his own semen, telling Mary: “Thus must we do, that we may live.” Mary, as one might understand, was shocked into unconsciousness. Epiphanius called this alleged book The Greater Questions of Mary.

    2. I’m sick of every new person I communicate with wanting me to get some new messaging app that they use that no one else I knows uses. I can send an e-mail to anyone else regardless of what particular service they use. Why, for the love of God can’t messaging client interoperate?

      1. Why, for the love of God can’t messaging client interoperate?

        I don’t know if there is a genuine technical deficiency in XMPP or if Google (et al.) has been struck by “not invented here” syndrome, but it’s pretty ridiculous. Then again, consumer demands don’t seem to be for interoperability by and large.

        1. I was mostly a rhetorical question. The real answer is that interoperability would create opportunity for competition, and the big companies prefer using proprietary protocols that let them leverage the networking effect to make it nearly impossible for new competitors to enter the market.

          1. You are saying that the lack of interoperability among competing messaging services is a deliberate tactic to stifle competition.

            The one complaint contradicts the other…

            1. If messaging services were interoperable, there would be even more competition. If you come up with some new kbolinochat app, you can’t just convince me it’s better than what I currently use and that I should become your customer instead, you have to convince me and a significant portion of my friends.

              If you and all your friends could only drink beer if you all agreed before hand to drink the same kind, do you think there would be more or less types of beer than we have now?

          2. I mean, I understand the premise, that one company hopes to get a dominant market share and lock in users via incompatibility with other services, but then your complaint about the services not interoperating is mooted. Who cares if two services interoperate when there is only one service?

  37. Hillary Clinton surrogate Ed Rendell said Trump’s comments on women could hurt him because “bitches be crazy.”

    “What?!”, Rendell continued.

    1. “Women be shoppin’, am i right?”

    1. Trying to obtain lost items in a wood chipper, OTOH, …

  38. First You Let Parents Leave Kids in Cars, Then You Get This

    1. That kid’s probably better off than she would be if the mom was thrown in prison and she was made a ward of the state.

  39. In Japan, people on subways read comic books featuring pedophile tentacle rape … but if you make Vagina-Shaped figurines? you’ll get investigated by the Gubmint’ for obscenity? Gaijin Gilmore is confused.

    1. Back when video stores were a thing, you could go into any local ma/pa store in Japan and the adult section was out in the open and you could see cover after cover of young ladies who were covered in cum. Then you would watch one of them and all the good bits of the participants were pixelated out.

      They are just crazy.

    1. That’s it, we have no choice but to build a wall on the northern border also.

  40. I get this feeling that Reason is about to break a commenting record and that at least 50% of the comments will be short and something about someone’s mom.

    1. Mom wood.

    2. I get this feeling that Reason is about to break a commenting record and that at least 50% of the comments will be short and something about someone’s mom.

      Truly we are at the cusp of an epoch here.

  41. Barbara Boxer: “I Felt Threatened by Sanders Supporters”

    Boxer, a supporter of Hillary Clinton who spoke at the convention, told CNN’s Kate Bolduan that the situation was “frightening,” noting that if she didn’t have security present, she isn’t sure “what would have happened.

    “It was a scary situation. I was there, I saw it,” Boxer said. “It was frightening. I was on the stage and people were six feet away from me. And if I didn’t have a lot of security, I don’t know what would have happened.”

    1. I’m happy to hear this. Hopefully there is a huge rolling wedge of hate building up between the Clinton and Sander’s camps.

    2. BaBo, if you need someone to protect you and your sweet bod, let me know – I’m here for you.

      1. Not even with Warty’s “dick”.

        1. There but for the grace of God go I.

        2. Which one?

        3. What about with Cytotoxic’s dick?

          Then we could give them a cute celebrity name like Bo-Tox

      2. Like anyone would want to R her.

    3. When you’ve been promised a nice spot in the Hillary admin, of course you feel threatened by Bernie supporters.

      From what I understand, she told them ‘respect me, I’m a senator!’. And the crowd responded with something to the effect of ‘Fuck you, cunt!’.

    4. Blame TRUUUMMMPPP.

  42. Today in “WTF Did You Get Yoda To Write Your Fucking Headlines?” =

    Briton accused of killing wife, her mom in California caught

  43. Amateur Discovers New Dinosaur Species

    Miffed Experts Insist Dino Was ‘Lame, Pathetic’; Name It “Judith”, Think She Was Probably Raped

    An examination of its bones by Edward Iuliano, a radiologist at Kadlec Regional Medical Center in Richland, Washington, revealed evidence of a severe leg infection that would have left the animal hobbled. The injury made Judith potentially vulnerable to Tyrannosaurus rex-like predators that lived around the same period, Mallon said.

    “It’s an exciting story, because it’s a new species, and yet we have this sort of pathetic individual that suffered throughout its lifetime,” Mallon said. “If you’re hobbling along on three limbs, you’re probably not going to be able to keep up with the herd.”

    1. Let’s see…lame…pathetic…raped…shouldn’t it be names Sansa?

  44. and yes, I had a backlog of links from yesterday

    1. Tommy Iommi is the shit; Half the time i think Ozzy can’t sing for shit. But then i hear something else and i change my mind.

      1. Ozzy can’t sing, precisely, but no one has ever been better at being Ozzy than him. It’s what makes him great.

        1. No one can eat a bat head like Ozzy.

      2. To be fair, Ozzy did get a slightly better guitarist right after breaking up with Sabbath.

        1. Randy Rhodes is not “better” in anything but the technical sense. Iommi made Sabbath – Sabbath made rock rockier. Randy Rhodes added little except maybe a footnote in shredder-history.

          1. ^correct

          2. Rhodes was actually a fantastic guitarist with an incredible style in putting riffs together, much more than a shredder. I can only imagine the stuff he would have come up with had he not tragically died so young.

          3. and a signature model gibson, for whatever that’s worth, which is probably nothing. do kids even play musical instruments anymore?

      3. I started my music experience out with Black Sabbath “We sold our soul for rock and roll” and Rush “2112”. Classics.

        1. Both of those were cassettes…yes, I had a walkman. Now get off my lawn.

          1. Paranoid on 8-Track.

            Young whippersnapper.

        2. You missed RUSH, Fly by Night, and Caress of Steel?

          1. And Sabbath? The first album and Paranoid? Fuck the what? You could have just skipped straight to Ozzies Blizzard of Oz. Get off my lawn!

            1. Paranoid is my favorite. A co worker gifted me the original album, I cherish it even though I don’t own a turntable(?).

              1. Goin’ home, late last night
                Suddenly I got a fright
                Yeah I looked through a window and surprised what I saw
                A fairy with boots and dancin’ with a dwarf,
                All right now!

                Yeah, fairies wear boots and you gotta believe me
                Yeah I saw it, I saw it, I tell you no lies
                Yeah Fairies wear boots and you gotta believe me
                I saw it, I saw it with my own two eyes,
                Oh all right now!

                1. I learned the bassline to fairies where boots.

                1. Seriously. Ozzy’s greatest music ever was War Pigs. I will straight up gank a mutherfuckr over this.

                  1. I don’t know what “gank” means, but it can’t be pleasant.

          2. Bought other Rush albums later…along with Sabbath and all of the rest. I am genX(40ish) so it was actually old stuff at the time.

            1. I like a lot of the later RUSH stuff, Hemispheres, Counterparts, etc. Always been a RUSH fan.

            2. Not sure if I am genX or a boomer, since I’m in my 50s. But I want to identity with genX cause too many boomers are insufferable assholes. much like millenials.

  45. My wife and youngest kid have discovered the Mandela Effect bullshit and they are like 10 times more annoying than usual.

      1. To try and get a handle on what may be the most important scientific theory to arise in the 21st century, I thought I would go to an expert. Dr. Henry L. Roediger is one of the foremost experts on false memories in North America, so I wrote him about the Berensteinites to get his thoughts. His response made it clear he believes what’s happening is more Occam’s Razor than X-Files.

        “I’m not sure that misremembering one letter in a long name is a major league false memory,” he wrote VICE in an email. “My guess is that in this case that “stein” is remembered because it is a common ending of many names?Einstein, Frankenstein, Goldstein, etc.”

        *phew*

        Glad we called in an expert to clear that up.

        This is one of the stupidest things I have ever read.

      2. When I was a little kid I insisted on pronouncing it “BernstINE” bears because that is how you pronounce “EIN.” They just got sick of hearing that all the time and changed the spelling to “AIN” to fuck with me.

        1. And yes, when I was a kid, my friends who read those books pronounced it “BerenstANE.”

          I never had any of those books when I was a kid because my parents had an inexplicable dislike for them. I remember a vague feeling of unease when I would bring them up, and my parents hurrying to close down the conversation and move on to other topics. Hmmmmm…

    1. You have kids?

      Have you introduced them to Jug Wine yet?

      1. Don’t get ahead there. Before that you have to show them how to use an AR-15, oversee an orphan mine, how to properly wear a monocle, and snort coke off a hookers arse. Then it’s ok to celebrate with Jug Wine.

        1. Warrren had a thing for jug wine a while back. I assume it’s hereditary.

          1. Probably will be. Like how the Welsh are cursed by beer and owning a goat.

    2. Lou Reed Effect?

  46. Reuters does big feature story on how Oil States like Oklahoma cut taxes on producers, while cutting spending on schools

    I keep thinking it needs a headline like, “FISCAL MATH, HARD?! WHY CHILDREN NOT BETTER THAN OIL?!” to properly reflect its inability to consider that there’s potential logic behind those decisions.

    Oilmen won a big victory when legislators made permanent one of the juiciest tax breaks in the United States. Schools, meanwhile, are having to cut classes, administrators and teachers to make up a growing revenue shortfall.

    I mean, its not like the schools will need much more money when all the (former) employees of the now-defunct oil operations all move to North Dakota, or wherever there still is an economic incentive to operate in shitty market-conditions.

    Their assumption that things like schools should be immune from any larger economic considerations is what makes me crosseyed. The differences between “Sources of funds, uses of funds” seem not just poorly understood… but neglected to the point of contempt.

    1. One could effectively argue that keeping those kids out of school completely would very likely improve their intelligence and mental well being. Big oil for the children!

      1. I find myself laughing at the obviousness of the “LOOK AT THE LIBERTARIAN DEFENDING THE EARTH KILLING OILMEN AND LAUGHING WHILE CHILDREN ARE IMPOVERISHED”…

    2. It is Reuters.

  47. Pliny the Elder is back in stock.

    Ha ha, suckers!

  48. How about that last Veep, eh? Even with Iannucci gone, that might have been the show’s best episode.

    1. with Iannucci gone,

      What?! Gino got his footage cut?

      1. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, it’ll be great.

    1. You can see this at any local health food store.

    2. Libertarian Moment!

    3. They are known as “LUZS” in zoo-circles.

      Lesbian until the zoo-keeper sees

    4. “are believed to gain pleasure from having sex and may do it when they have been rejected by males.”

      PATRIARCHY!

      1. Well that is what you get when the cage is filled with more ugly gorillas than good looking gorillas.

        Especially when Warren’s mom was the ugly gorilla that gave them the majority!

  49. The first of 200 schoolgirls kidnapped by Boko Haram from Chibook, Nigeria two years ago has been found

    Not true. Pretty sure at least one of them showed up as a suicide bomber.

    1. #minedourgirls

  50. So would like to ask the commentariat if what me and my wife discovered is true. Ok so we have not received our mail for a little while now but didn’t think much of it so the wife called the PO today to find out why this item she got from eBay was not delivered when it says it’s sitting in the local PO. So supposedly what this person is telling her from the PO is that congress has put a moratorium on deliveries to new construction due to budget issues and that is why we have not received any mail. The person was telling her that new construction will basically have a centralized mail hub. I just want to know if this is true or not be pause I think it’s bullshit especially when they have been delivering it before. So has anyone else heard this or is this true. Ok gtg wife’s telling we are leaving.

    1. Here’s the first google hit.

      While it feels new, the autonomy allowing the USPS to make this determination was actually set forth back in April 2012 when the USPS Postal Operations Manual, which governs delivery operations, was revised to include stronger wording. This revision also enabled the USPS to consider “location and type of equipment, as well as the safety and convenience of both carriers and customers” when determining the method for mail delivery in a given area.

      Since then, the USPS has used this authority to specify centralized mail delivery for new developments ? including single-family neighborhoods ? to better ensure it can provide efficient service with minimal cost impact.

      For established neighborhoods with existing mail delivery service, nothing should change. However, if a neighborhood is expanded so new housing is added, that addition may be required to include centralized mail delivery. Therefore, first and foremost, you should speak with your local USPS representative as early as possible to ensure any new construction project will meet their specifications so mail service will not be interrupted.

  51. almost half of american women are less attractive than average. someone should do something about that.

    1. Mean, median, WDATPDIM?

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