Chris Christie Claims Black Lives Matter Want Murder of Police, John Kerry in Israel, Comet Lovejoy Releases Alcohol: A.M. Links

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  • NASA

    On the campaign trail, Chris Christie claimed President Obama didn't "support" police and that Black Lives Matter protesters called for the murder of police officers.

  • John Kerry is in Israel trying to ease tensions; Palestinians have been stabbing Jews over the fear that Israel will permit non-Muslims to pray at the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.
  • The United Auto Workers labor union and General Motors have tentatively agreed to a new four-year contract that would prevent a strike.
  • A presidential and parliamentary election was held in Haiti, but it will take some time to count the votes.
  • Comedian Jimmy Morales won the presidential election in Guatemala.
  • A magnitude-7.5 earthquake in Afghanistan killed at least 40 people.
  • NASA has detected Comet Lovejoy giving off up to 500 bottles of wine's worth of alcohol a second.

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  1. NASA has detected Comet Lovejoy giving off up to 500 bottles of wine’s worth of alcohol a second.

    BAN IT.

    1. Hello.

    2. I was expecting a Simpsons joke.

      1. “It was a baby ox.”

      2. Well, I was expecting a Pittsburgh Penguins defenseman joke. Expectations don’t always come to fruition.

        1. Sadly almost always true.

      3. See below.

        1. No Rufus! I was here at 9 sharp, read the links and though “oh boy. Fist is going to make a sweet Rev Lovejoy comet joke.” Now I don’t believe in anything.
          /drops pillow case full of doorknobs

          1. Would you sell your soul to me for $5 though? (one of my favorite episodes).

            1. Sure…wait, Canadian or American dollars?

          2. How about a Helen Lovejoy joke?

            “Won’t somebody please think of the satellites???”

            1. I think it’s too late for FM.

              1. I’m like a battered wife. It’s never too late to tell me you’ll change…tomorrow.

          3. My first reaction was to click on the link to see if they had actually used such a ridiculous analogy or if Ed had suffered severe brain damage and came up with that stupidity all on his own. ‘500 bottles of wine worth of alcohol every second’. How about ‘enough alcohol to fill 185 Easter bonnets’ or ‘as much alcohol as is consumed by the fans at an average Pittssburg Steelers game’ or ‘enough alcohol to cover the stage at Carnegie Hall to a depth of 3/4 of an inch’?

      4. I was expecting a Futurama/Bender joke.

  2. Comedian Jimmy Morales won the presidential election in Guatemala.

    Jon Stewart is getting ideas.

    1. I was thinking Jimmy Norton.

      1. Norton would work to legalize prostitution, so at least there would be that.

        1. He would rent a different First Lady for every event.

    2. Funny, hearing Jon Stewart + Jimmy Norton made me think of Stewart being Ed Norton

  3. …Chris Christie claimed President Obama didn’t “support” police and that Black Lives Matter protesters called for the murder of police officers.

    Someone is concentrated on the primaries and not the general election.

    1. If he concentrates real real hard, he might get up to 5% in the polls.

      1. Or down to a 50 BMI.

    2. I just love these conflicts where I hate every side involved. The police are pieces of shit, BLM is a pile of shit, Chris Christie is a giant blob of shit, and Obama is El Deuce.

      1. Yeah, it’s basically just shit all the way down.

      2. That sums it up pretty well.

    3. So a cop was murdered in NYC last week and the local news shows are giving it the same nauseating wall-to-wall coverage the Pope got recently. Today’s update is that the family supposedly invited Al Sharpton to climb up on the corpse for an upcoming gun control rally. Yeah, right. The dude is from Guyana.

  4. …Palestinians have been stabbing Jews over the fear that Israel will permit non-Muslims to pray at the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

    Seems legit.

    1. “Fear”? What the fuck is wrong with people?

      1. Youtubers spreading the Fear.

        1. Rest easy knowing that the youtuber who killed Ambassador Stevens and 3 CIA operatives is behind bars, where he belongs.

    2. The Muslims make it pretty hard to give them the benefit of the doubt.

      1. Only if you look at the worst examples.

        1. Spoken like a true Floridian

          1. true Floridian

            Speaking of worst examples.

        2. Only if you look at the worst examples.

          I’m trying to find the silver lining in Islamic culture. Haven’t found it yet.

          1. The chicks all shave or wax their junk.

            1. ’70s muff is non-halal.

            2. Just looks that way. Scar tissue doesn’t grow hair well.

          2. Bisteeya is delicious.

            1. So vegetable paste, some kind of chewy flat bread and stressed out beef products full of adrenaline from the halal slaughtering practice. Of all the food in world, English food might be the only cuisine that sucks more. But to each his own…

              1. No man, it’s the spice mixes that make it worthwhile. There’s a reason Frank Herbert gave so much importance to “spice” in his heavily Arabian Desert-influenced novel Dune.

                As for English food, it’s been getting a hell of a lot better in the hands of chefs like Jamie Oliver.

              2. You’ve… never actually had Middle Eastern food, have you.

                1. If a person disparages that which you like, they are clearly lying liars from liartown.

                  1. Since my opinions are objectively correct, yep.

                    1. I can’t argue with that. I concede. ALLOHA SNACKBAR!

              3. When I was about 11, I went to have a home cooked dinner at a Pakistani family’s house. The patriarch was a work friend of my dad’s. I was an incredibly picky eater at the time, hating just about anything that wasn’t “American” food (hamburgers, fries, fried chicken). I was dreading eating there until I bit into something. I had no idea what any of it was, but I ate the fuck out of it. Years later, I realized one of the things I loved must have been a beef samosa. But yeah, it’s all about the spices. I’ll tear into some goat and camel too.

  5. NASA has detected Comet Lovejoy giving off up to 500 bottles of wine’s worth of alcohol a second.

    Beam it up, Scottie.

  6. NASA has detected Comet Lovejoy giving off up to 500 bottles of wine’s worth of alcohol a second.

    So when Earth passes through its tail the undead will rise but stumble around more than usual.

    1. +1 Cheerleader with a MAC 10

      1. I liked her better in The Beach Girls

        1. Wrong sister. Kelli Maroney was the cheerleader.

          1. Well, Kelli did do Scream Queen Hot Tub Party, so she’s got that going for her.

            1. Kelli was also in Chopping Mall, Where Shopping Costs You an Arm and a Leg!

              Hmm… 80s goodness…

    2. Nike Cortez make a comeback.

  7. Palestinians have been stabbing Jews over the fear that Israel will permit non-Muslims to pray at the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

    Fucking apartheid Jews. Where’s Richman when we need him?

    1. I don’t see the problem. Does Jew magic cancel out Muslim magic?

  8. A magnitude-7.5 earthquake in Afghanistan killed at least 40 people.

    So, not as bad as a mosque suicide bombing.

  9. “Palestinians have been stabbing Jews over the fear that Israel will permit non-Muslims to pray at the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.”

    When Pally-stainians get mad, they get stabby.

    1. That’s a great improvement. They used to get boomy.

      1. +1 common sense suicide vest laws

    2. No, they’re AFRAID. Poor things

  10. Bernie and the Deodorant Factory

    Little Bernie Sanders lived with his poor family in a ramshackle house with his parents and his four bed-ridden grandparents. Old people are not known for their pleasant aroma, especially when they are as incontinent as Bernie’s Grandpa Joe was. The house stank like a Bangkok brothel at low tide, but fortunately for Bernie, he always had his trusty deodorant, made by the wondrous Lizzy Warren, the world’s foremost deodoranteer.

    More than anything, Bernie wished he could escape the stench of his house to go live in Warren’s Deodorant factory. As luck would have it, Lizzy Warren soon made an announcement that 5 special deodorants with golden tickets inside had just been sent out, and that whoever found the tickets would get to tour the factory with Lizzy Warren herself!

    1. Around the world, people were buying deodorant by the truckload, and 4 tickets had already been claimed. Bernie knew the chances were slim, but he just had to try his luck. Bernie had a job selling Che shirts to college students and he scrimped and saved just enough to buy a deodorant, but found no ticket. When he came home heartbroken, his Uncle Joe told him to cheer up, for it was Bernie’s birthday, and Grandpa Joe had bought him another deodorant with money he won by betting on brutal dog fights.

      Charlie could hardly believe his eyes when took apart the deodorant and found the golden ticket inside.

    2. Bernie, Grandpa Joe and the other ticket winners and their guests assembled at the gates of Warren’s factory. There was Chris Christie, Hillary Clinton, Carly Fiorina, and Jeb Bush. Warren greeted them and brought them into the mixing room- which looked like a lush green landscape with a perfume river. Short humanlike creatures in white coveralls walked about carrying sacks of ingredients and dumping them in the river.

      Warren sang a little: “Come with me, and you’ll see, a land of hindered perspiration; what you’ll see will defy explanation!”

      “What are they?” asked Hillary Clinton.

      “Those are the Trumpa Lumpas,” replied Lizzy Warren. “I rescued them from the island of Kombova, a place of nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts. And the poor little Trumpa Lumpas were so small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right and left. Why a Bobbyjindle would eat 10 for breakfast and think nothing of it. And so, I said, ‘Come and live with me in peace and safety, away from all the Bobbyjindles, and Linkinchafees, and Snozzwangers, and rotten, Vermicious Knids.’ ”

      “Snozzwangers? Vermicious Knids? What kind of rubbish is that?” snorted Clinton.

      “Go fuck yourself” said Warren, smiling.

    3. I’m starting to get the distinct feeling Bernie smells like a cross between a cat’s stale litter box and a pair of stinky Wallabees.

    4. Suddenly, Chris Christie bolted to the river and began scooping it up with his hands to drink.

      Warren turned to Christie’s mother and said “aren’t going to stop him?” Christie’s mother shrugged and said “eh, he pretty much eats and drinks everything that isn’t nailed down. I mean, just look at him.”

      Without warning, Chris Christie fell into the river and was sucked up a pipe.Warren turned to the others and said “don’t worry, the Trumpa Lumpas will rescue him- right after they sing a little song. Don’t ask me why, it’s just something they do. It’s actually kind of weird they celebrate industrial accidents with impromptu musicals. Most other places there’s less singing and more lawsuits and
      OSHA fines.”

      Sure enough, a dozen Trumpa Lumpas marched in a began singing and dancing.

      “Trumpa Lumpa, dumpity doo!
      If you overeat, you’re gonna get ‘yuuuge
      You can live in happiness too
      Like the Trumpa Lumpa dumpity doo!”

      “I ain’t payin’ you little shits to sing,” snarled Warren. “You’re all fired, now fuck off!”

      The once singing Trumpa Lumpas grumbled and shuffled off.

    5. Bernie and Grandpa Joe snuck away from the group to try some of Warren’s Smuggy Lifting Stick. It was a deodorant made of concentrated smug so potent that it made you lighter than air. They had a grand old time floating higher and higher, until they saw they were getting close to being sucked into a giant ventilation fan!

      “We gotta do something, Grandpa!” Bernie shouted.

      “I got it Bernie- if we spit out enough platitudes, we’ll expel the excess smug and sink back down. Crime is society’s fault!”

      Grandpa Joe sank a little.

      “The rich should pay their fair share!”

      Bernie sank a little.

      “Feminism is the radical notion that women are human beings!”

      “Unions built the middle class!”

      “No blood for oil!”

      “Children are the future!”

      Their feet were nearly touching the ground now.

      “Government is just the things we do together.”

      “Make love, not war.”

    6. Grandpa Biden hesitantly walked into Warren’s office. She was hunched over a desk coverd in papers.

      “Excuse me, Mrs. Warren, but…”

      “I am extraordinarily busy, sir.”

      “But the lifetime supply of deodorant. When does he get it?”

      “He doesn’t.”

      “Why you’re nothing but a dirty crook!”

      “Wrong sir! Wrong! It’s all there in the contract in black and white, clear as crystal. You stole Smuggy Lifting Stick. You bumped into the ceiling, which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing. You lose! Good day sir!”

      “I find it odd that you nearly killed 4 kids today and the only thing you’re worried about is a dirty ceiling. Why the hell would a ceiling need to be sterile anyway?”

      “GOOD DAY SIR!”

      “C’mon, Bernie, let’s go. I’ve had enough of this crazy cunt.”

      “I heard that!” shrieked Warren.

      Bernie took the Everlasting Sweatstopper deodorant out of his pocket and put it on Warren’s desk.

    7. “So shines a good deed in a weary world,” said Warren in shock. “Bernie, how did you like the factory?”

      “Eh, beats a sharp stick in the eye.”

      “I’m very pleased to hear that because I’m giving it to you. I can’t go on forever, and I don’t really want to try. So who can I trust to run the factory when I leave and take care of the Trumpa Lumpas for me?”

      “Someone with no relevant experience but a burning desire to control things?”

      “Exactly! The same sort of people who become President.”

      “I’m sure there’s a lesson there, but I’m not sure what,” said Grandpa Joe and then sucked his hip flask dry.

      THE END

      1. Bernie can’t run the factory. He’s got a gun control problem.

      2. Nice. But what happened to Hillary?

        1. She tried to steal a golden egg so she could give it to charity and fell down a garbage chute. Fortunately, her ample cankles caused enough friction for her to avoid sliding into the incinerator. Grandpa Joe was called to use his groping skills to grease her up so she could slide out.

          In other news, the kid who played Augustus Gloop from the 1971 movie grew up to be a 6’7 accountant. Charlie became a veterinarian.

          http://thefw.com/willy-wonka-then-now/

      3. Well done, Derpy. You will be missed when you’re in basic.

    8. Try Trump as Mike TV.

  11. A magnitude-7.5 earthquake in Afghanistan killed at least 40 people.

    It’s America’s fault for using all that CO2, or something.

  12. Cops: Astor man told deputies he is creator, owns world

    Ramsey was asked what he was doing, and said “I am the creator and it’s none of your business,” the report states.

    When asked who he was, Ramsey replied “I am the Alpha and the Omega, look it up,” the report states.

    Ramsey tried to hide in the bushes again, and kept responding to the deputy’s request for his name with “look it up,” deputies said.

    After being taken into custody, Ramsey continued to mumble that he was the creator and that he owned the world, the report states.

    1. Looks like someone that would create a shitty world like this one.

    2. Still better than the third Matrix.

    3. Moses tried to have the burning bush prosecuted for loitering and prowling, too. True story.

    4. Due to his behavior and refusal to identify himself, deputies said Ramsey was arrested and charged with loitering and prowling.

      The Alpha and Omega should lawyer up.

      1. Yep, he should know it’s a beta world now.

          1. Your credibility has been delta blow.

    5. Well, you can’t prove that he’s lying.

      God or not, apparently being a crazy old dude is a crime now.

    6. He must have been in a bad mood when he made New Jersey.

  13. Russian Ships Near Data Cables Are Too Close for U.S. Comfort

    In private, however, commanders and intelligence officials are far more direct. They report that from the North Sea to Northeast Asia and even in waters closer to American shores, they are monitoring significantly increased Russian activity along the known routes of the cables, which carry the lifeblood of global electronic communications and commerce.

    1. They’re crowding out the NSA ships.

  14. Drug agents in prostitution scandal got hefty bonuses afterwards, watchdog says

    In a report issued Thursday, Justice Department Inspector General Michael Horowitz found that the bonus issued by the Drug Enforcement Administration violated an agency policy prohibiting employees from receiving promotions, awards or other favorable personnel actions for three years after discipline for significant misconduct, or while misconduct is investigated.

    The awards ranged from $1,500 to $32,000, with the high end going to senior executives disciplined for their role in the scandal.

    None of the 14 agents under scrutiny for alleged sexual misconduct or harassment was promoted within the three-year window. But eight received bonuses, some of them supervisors and managers, even though these employees had been “disciplined for significant misconduct” within three years of the awards.

    1. Hey these guys risk their lives every day!! Hookers and blow is a dangerous way of life.Not to mention the raids on collage dorms and suburban houses.And the dogs,so many dogs.

  15. Chris Christie goes full New Jerseyan:

    Chris Christie was asked to leave Amtrak’s quiet car Sunday morning after passengers complained to a conductor about the New Jersey governor yelling at his security detail and into his cell phone, according to a rider.

    Autoplay warning.

    1. Never go full New Jerseyan.

    2. Rolling a fattie.

    1. The Zephyr UAV will eventually stay airborne for 90 days

      Somebody’s marketing department got a nice fluff piece in the papers.

  16. Overstock Holds 3 Months Of Food, $10 Million In Gold For Employees In Preparation For The Next Collapse

    We are not big fans of Wall Street and we don’t trust them. We foresaw the financial crisis, we fought against the financial crisis that happened in 2008; we don’t trust the banks still and we foresee that with QE3, and QE4 and QE n that at some point there is going to be another significant financial crisis.

    So what do we do as a business so that we would be prepared when that happens. One thing that we do that is fairly unique: we have about $10 million in gold, mostly the small button-sized coins, that we keep outside of the banking system. We expect that when there is a financial crisis there will be a banking holiday. I don’t know if it will be 2 days, or 2 weeks, or 2 months. We have $10 million in gold and silver in denominations small enough that we can use for payroll. We want to be able to keep our employees paid, safe and our site up and running during a financial crisis.

    We also happen to have three months of food supply for every employee that we can live on.

    1. So, is Overstock the first corporate prepper?

      Very decent of them to consider their obligations to employees like that.

    2. Hey, let’s tell everyone where the gold can be found after the collapse, especially the govt!

      1. That’s what I was thinking as well. I wouldn’t be advertising my hordes of bullion.

        1. The Golden Horde? Hard to keep that under wraps.

          http://www.britannica.com/place/Golden-Horde

          Can’t argue with what Overstock is doing.

  17. European shares slip as easing expectations fade

    European shares fell in early trading on Monday as euphoria about the prospect of further central bank policy easing faded, with investors warning against over-confidence ahead of another week of interest rate decisions.

    Comments on Monday from a key economic adviser to Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, who said the Bank of Japan did not need to boost its monetary stimulus as early as this week, have tempered expectations that Friday’s policy review will see new action.

    The monthly Ifo survey of German business morale dipped in October but beat forecasts, suggesting Europe’s largest economy remains resilient in the face of a slowdown in emerging markets and the emissions scandal at carmaker Volkswagen

    1. German business morale dipped in October

      You know when else German morale dipped?

      1. When Knight Rider was canceled?

      2. When it was announced that Beckbenbauer was going to be investigated for bribery?

      3. After smoking in public was banned?

        1. I thought they were less banny than some other euro-lands. I see Bundesliga fans smoking in stadiums all the time.

          1. I often see high school students smoking e-cigarettes. I didn’t realize there were FIVE vapor cigarette boutiques just in my tiny town alone.

            Quebec is keeping its mind on the matter…for now. I hope.

            1. My company is planning to punish smokers starting next year by giving non-smokers a “discount” on health plan charges. I am very curious to see if this applies to vaping too.

              1. Vaping = smoking for my company health plan. And added random testing to make sure we aren’t lying about our tobacco (and MJ use).

                Morale soared.

                1. Sounds like someone at your company needs to have shit smeared all over their car.

                2. It just says I have to remain “tobacco-free” for 90 days. I am not going to pee in a cup to find out that’s a lie.

  18. “Yeah, baby. Flip it. Flip that pancake, bitch. One side is all toasty, the other all gooey. Aw, yeah? gooey.”

    “Will you shut up? He’s trying to concentrate,” Donald’s hair told Donald’s hat.

    “Maybe he should concentrate on that huge boner he got shaking hands outside,” the hat said, giggling uncontrollably.

    “I don’t know why you think it’s so funny. It happens every time.”

    “Press the flesh,” the hat managed, gasping for air with his little hat lungs. “I’m going to wrap a gooey pancake around that dick and fuck one of these MILFs.”

    “I hate Iowa,” Donald’s air said. “The whole state smells like Walmart wiped its ass with it. But I think New Hampshire might be worse. Clean air, wholesome people, trees. I fucking loathe trees. Oh, shit? here comes that asshole Matt Lauer.”

    “You know, rumor has it that he’s been fucking Natalie Morales for years,” the hat whispered.

    “You’re shitting me.”

    “No, seriously. One of her kids even looks just like him. Oh, man. I’d love to bust her taco. I’d put my special sauce in her, fill her up like jizz barge.”

    1. “You don’t even have a penis.”

      “Neither do you, faggot.”

      “I’m not a fag, you’re the fag. Adjustable strap faggot.”

      “I hope he drops you in a toilet again,” the hat hissed.

      “I hope you’re donated to the National Presidential Museum of Huge Faggotry. I hope a janitor jacks off into you and there’s blood in it.”

      “That’s it, motherfucker. This is happening right fucking now!”

      Donald’s hat and hair began to fight on top of his head, grunting and cursing. Donald’s hand clamped down on them, but Matt Lauer’s eyes were wild with fright.

      “Stupid wind,” Donald said. “When America is great again, I’m going to get rid of wind. Except for kites. Kite wind is OK. I love kites. You and Natalie ever fly kites together? Does her pussy taste like fajitas?”

      “You’re worse than Biden,” Matt said. “At least he only tries to touch my dick.”

      1. Well, now all I can think of is hair fried into a pancake. Pancakes have been ruined for me now.

      2. Adjustable strap faggot

        I am stealing that one.

      3. “I hope you’re donated to the National Presidential Museum of Huge Faggotry. I hope a janitor jacks off into you and there’s blood in it.”

        I’m kinda mad that i’ll never have a chance to use this line on anyone.

      4. [polite applause]

      5. Well, to be fair, Natalie Morales is far and away the most bangable of the Today Show crew.

  19. People Don’t Actually Want Equality

    Boehm writes, “Individuals who otherwise would be subordinated are clever enough to form a large and united political coalition. … Because the united subordinates are constantly putting down the more assertive alpha types in their midst, egalitarianism is in effect a bizarre type of political hierarchy: The weak combine forces to actively dominate the strong.”

    This analysis helps us explain why such huge power differentials exist in the world right now, where it’s far harder for the weak to team up to dominate the strong. As Boehm tells it, in a small society, a wannabe dictator can be ignored or ridiculed by everyone else, and if he doesn’t get the message, he can be beaten up, expelled from the group, or killed. But this is a harder trick to pull in a society of millions where interactions are no longer face-to-face and where the powerful have guns and gulags.

    1. So, if more people had guns… No, that can’t be what they mean.

  20. Volkswagen Loses Global Sales Lead to Toyota Amid Diesel Scandal

    Toyota said Monday it sold 7.49 million vehicles this year through September, topping the 7.43 million that Volkswagen reported earlier this month. Deliveries declined 1.5 percent for both Toyota and Volkswagen.

    The results include less than two weeks of sales reporting by Volkswagen after its admission to rigging diesel engines with software that deceived regulators about pollution levels. While the German automaker led Toyota in global sales through the first six months, it’s now readying repairs to 11 million vehicles worldwide and has stopped sales of diesel models in several markets as it brings engines into compliance. The company is also facing a slowdown in demand in China, its largest market, with its namesake brand declining 7.4 percent in the first nine months.

  21. Taylor Swift and the rise of robot music

    1989 is quite literally flawless pop music.

    Duh.

    Inhumanly perfect embellishments enhance every hook. This is pop music crafted by a musical Industrial Light and Magic for iMax 3-D, with constantly evolving arrangements that start relatively simple and build to multitracked Technicolor bursts and swirls of keyboard, guitar, and contrapuntal vocal harmonies. To call it ear-candy is to undersell it. 1989 is a bucketful of Skittles, gum drops, and candy corn dipped in chocolate and wrapped in cotton candy.

    1. While Swift’s pop ambitions lead her to use technology to achieve ethereal, pristine, technical flawlessness, Adams works firmly within rock ‘n’ roll’s more purely populist vision that treats imperfection as a virtue. Bob Dylan, Mick Jagger, Janis Joplin, Lou Reed, Carole King, Neil Young, Joni Mitchell, Tom Waits, Bruce Springsteen, Joe Strummer, Elvis Costello, Michael Stipe, Tori Amos, Bob Mould, Aimee Mann, Kurt Cobain ? these and many other rock artists produced music sung and performed by regular, flawed, broken human beings. Its beauty, its power, its passion grew out of and was embedded in its imperfection. The music was the sound of an ordinary man or woman roused by joy, anger, or pain to break out in song as an expression of authenticity and in search of a chance at catharsis, if not redemption.

      1. Why is Ryan Adams covering that tweeny-pop album? He sounds ridiculous singing about hellacool hair and slang from 15 years ago.

        1. He wants to be the one to finally fuck her hard enough to make her eyes open all the way.

        2. Everything he does, he does it for you. I’m sure he’s speaking straight from the heart, even if his words cut like a knife.

          /have no idea who the hell Ryan Adams is

    2. The bit about Pearl Jam “would not be released today” is ridiculous. I suppose what he meant was it wouldn’t top the charts like the crap that is popular today. But the author seems blissfully aware that trends don’t last.

    3. Somebody did an excellent mashup of a bunch of the most popular country songs.

      Turns out they are all the same song, just with some different words and sung by different folks.

      The music biz has been cranking out formulaic shit for decades. They’ve just gotten really good at it, is all.

  22. Charles Koch dresses as Darth Vader

    Billionaire industrialist Charles Koch is jokingly donning a Darth Vader suit for work after an NPR interviewer described him as “pretty much Darth Vader” to his political opponents.

    His company, Koch Industries, tweeted a photo of Charles Koch at his desk dressed as the “Star Wars” villain.

    1. With a #Darklivesmatter sticker on the helmet. I mean, if you’re gonna troll…

    2. I actually thought that interview was pretty good (and wasn’t NPR). It was the first time I’d really heard Koch speak much at all and I liked what I heard. The interviewer was a little hostile, but Koch managed to get his points across quite well and came across as very smart and quite libertarian..

      1. It will be completely lost on proggies.

      2. It will be completely lost on proggies.

        1. I’m sure it will. But he said a number of things that ought to make them rethink their boogey-man status to the left. Such as the fact that they got into political causes because they didn’t like George W Bush and his harmful regulations and excessive spending, their support for things like criminal justice reform, and his expressed concern for growing inequality and lack of growth of wages for low and middle income people.
          But they organize some fundraising for some Republicans, so they must agree with everything that every Republican ever says, or so progressives seem to think.

          1. The Kochs’ are nothing more than totems to the far left. You could put a Charles Koch head on a witch doctor stick and scare the bejeezus out of OWS flunkies for Halloween.

            They’re that rational about it.

            1. If they had any idea what he looked like.

              That’s what I’ve always thought about the left’s view of the Kochs. But I really knew very little about them. That interview really made it clear.

      3. Kai Rysdal is an activist with a microphone paid for with blood money. His calling his interview subject “Darth Vader” is pretty mild compared to the things he’ll say about the guy during a “news” report or after Koch is out of the studio.

        1. To be fair, he didn’t call him “Darth Vader”, but said he was a sort of Darth Vader figure to his political opponents, which is pretty accurate.
          I don’t mind Rysdall so much.

          1. Clearly you haven’t heard Rysdal pretend to be an advocate of the free market while he talks up the advantages central banking, high taxation and regulatory bureaucracy. His rhetorical style should appeal to some hip youngsters though, so much to like…

            1. I actually listen to Market Place fairly often and I don’t find him to be all that bad. I never thought he came off as particularly activisty. I mean, what you say is true, but that’s really the middle of the road position at the moment. Of course I think they have it all wrong, but I’m not going to go around expecting everyone to be a Libertarian and ignoring everyone who isn’t.

              1. I don’t expect a libertarian either. I expect a pro-market person to be at least nominally pro-market. “Now over to the Market Place Sustainability Desk, but first a word from our Economic Justice Correspondent.”

            2. I believe Rysdal is a free marketeer of the Economist variety. That is, not at all.

    3. An autoplay warning would have been nice. Also, fuck you for posting an autoplay link. Also, fuck The Hill for utilizing autoplay.

    4. Someone here said this once: When liberty arises its enemies rise to meet it.

      Because the Kochs are quite the fans of liberty it doesn’t matter what else they do, the left will forever hate them.

  23. Department of Energy desperate for people to like green energy

    The Obama administration on Friday proposed five different green energy costumes that people can use for Halloween, including a wind turbine, a solar panel and the terrifying “energy vampire.”

    “Energy vampire” is the Obama administration’s term for electrical products that use energy even when they’re not being used, like phones, clocks or appliances that glow. To dress as an energy vampire, the Department of Energy suggests dressing like a vampire and hanging electrical cords around your neck and arms.

    1. I’m going to dress like Elon Musk and tell everyone I’m the world’s biggest welfare queen.

    2. Propaganda, it’s not just for tractors anymore

    3. That’s fucking dumb. What does that have to do with Halloween?

      And I’m pretty sure clocks are always in use. Not too useful if you unplug it when you leave the room.

      1. Remember when the Obama Admin rolled out Pajama Boy to get you to hector your relatives about Obamacare at Christmas time?

        1. Yeah, that was even worse. Let’s tell everyone to be a giant asshole all the time.

      2. Nothing to do with Halloween. But proggies hate halloween because they know that people are going to dress in hurtful, culturally appropriating costumes. Now they’re trying to turn it into a vehicle for propaganda. Ugh.

        Second point is spot on.

      3. What does that have to do with Halloween?

        In their world everything is political. Every holiday is another excuse to bend others to their will.

      4. And I’m pretty sure clocks are always in use. Not too useful if you unplug it when you leave the room.

        Unlike the clocks in school. You know the ones that only run when someone looks at them?

    4. A vampire with hanging electrical cords around your neck and arms. They want you to go as the Dept. of Energy?

    5. Creepiest. Administration. Ever.

    6. Department of Energy suggests dressing like a vampire and hanging electrical cords around your neck and arms

      Not slutty enough

  24. A tale of 2 quotes, courtesy of the fine folks at Samizdata:

    “You can’t just continue growth for the sake of growth in a world in which we are struggling with climate change and all kinds of environmental problems. All right? You don’t necessarily need a choice of 23 underarm spray deodorants or of 18 different pairs of sneakers when children are hungry in this country. I don’t think the media appreciates the kind of stress that ordinary Americans are working on.”
    ? Bernie Sanders

    “When I saw those shelves crammed with hundreds, thousands of cans, cartons and goods of every possible sort, for the first time I felt quite frankly sick with despair for the Soviet people. That such a potentially super-rich country as ours has been brought to a state of such poverty! It is terrible to think of it.”
    ? Boris Yeltsin

  25. http://gatesofvienna.net/2015/…..more-37690

    Austrians are reacting to the wave of Islamic immigration by buying guns,

    1. “The hills are alive with the sound of gunfire ….”

      1. Ist das nicht ein schie?gewehr?

        Ja das ist ein schie?gewehr!

        1. Accidentally misplace the “i” in that word and you have a very different, but perhaps equally terrifying weapon.

          1. I checked my spelling twice…

            1. Yet, you still forgot the capitalization. And what your Swiss masters will do to you for employing the forbidden German ‘?’ doesn’t bear thinking about.

            2. Shit, I misread it on my first read.

    2. How is that possible? I was told by Huffpost commenters that Europe outlaws all guns with their sensible gun laws or something.

      1. They are long guns, I assume bolt action rifles or pump action shotguns. Both very good at making people dead.

  26. More Than Two-Thirds of Patients on Anti-Depressants Not Depressed

    So the drugs are *working*, DUH!

    “Caucasian ethnicity [was] associated with antidepressant use”

    White men can’t jump or hack it?

    1. Being responsible for everything bad in the world can be a real drag.

      1. Maybe it’s more likely that white people have less of a problem talking to Docs about what is bugging them, and feelings, and stuff.

      2. Look getting up early every morning and coming up with new ideas on how to keep minorities down really takes a toll on you.

    2. “Caucasian ethnicity [was] associated with antidepressant use”

      That’s a really weird way to say it. Sounds like it’s saying that if you take anti-depressants you might turn white.

      1. Worked for me!

  27. I am back from Detroit.

    IAMX was awesome – great live show presence and different imaginings of his older songs. Small crowd – only 200 – made it very personal.

    Greektown casino on a Thursday night: filled with liver-spotted oldies who were busy playing slots and smoking cigarettes. I lost $20 and spent no more.

    Firebird Tavern – great selection of Eastside brews, and their bar food was foodie quality. I had their Steak Frites – and it was one of the best cuts of beef I’ve had in a long time. My wife ordered the meatloaf, which was seasoned so well it had a very good steak taste.

    The hotel – Atheneum – room had a hot tub that was big enough for two and a bedroom that dropped down from the living room area. Furnishing were “Kardishian” quality.

    Detroit itself is a cesspit. I was glad to get out of there.

  28. So… I last night had my cellphone upstairs in the bedroom. I get ready to go to bed and I see I have a whole bunch of messages. The last one – visible on the splash screen – was “I won’t be able to look you in the face anymore.”

    I open up the messages and find that one of my gal pals was apparently sexting with her boyfriend. But she accidentally sent a shaved vag shot to me. Three more messages follow, imploring me to delete or forget what I saw.

    1. I should not even have to ask, but…pics?

      1. Also, I have “accidentally” sent photos of my shaved jewels to plenty of people, so maybe she has an ulterior motive.

        1. I should not even have to ask, but…pics?

          1. The temperature is dropping so of course I am letting my garden grow.

    2. Like you were actually going to delete it. All the nerve.

    3. I should not even have to ask, but…the imploring messages?

    4. “Shaved”. OMWC needs to be the judge on that.

    5. I hope your wife has a better sense of humor than mine.

      1. your wife

        Pics?

        than mine

        Pics

        1. If that happened to me I’d be in a bind. If I told her she might take it the wrong way, and if I kept it secret and she found out later then she’d definitely take it the wrong way.

          1. Either way she would be upset but if you told her she would get over it more quickly because there would still be trust

            1. Basically.

          2. Yeah, there is no way I could not tell the wife if something like that happened to me. Getting it out there early might be an uncomfortable moment between the two of us. The gal pal mentioning the funny mis-text six months later, with my wife not knowing it happened, will lead to an immediate shitstorm.

            1. I’d show my wife and she’d laugh her ass off and then start teasing the girl.

              1. To be married to you she must be some heck of a sicko, so that goes without saying.

                1. True. I guess I have destroyed her sense of what is and isn’t appropriate.

                  1. Yeah, last year i had to take y’all’s Christmas card out back and burn it.

              2. My fiance would also laugh, and then start dropping subtle entendres in conversations that would seem innocent to the clueless, but cause the lady in question to wonder “does she know?”

      2. She’s friends with the woman in question… when I asked my wife if she wanted to see the pic, she said “No! TMI! No!”

        So much for my “Dear Penthouse” entry.

        1. At least she didn’t jump to conclusions. That’s good.

      3. Your wife … Does she enjoy … photography?

    6. What gives Lord H?

      Where is the pic?

  29. Trudeau plans to have a cabinet with “equal gender balance”

    In a news conference he held on Tuesday, he offered few details about his coming agenda. Trudeau did not set a date for reconvening Parliament, saying only that the new cabinet will be named in two weeks and will have gender balance, meeting a commitment he had made previously.

    1. Does he have binders full of women?

    2. So much for a cabinet made up of the qualified or proficient, eh?

    3. The Reign of Shiny Toy Derp begins.

    4. 4 days ago
      0
      0
      0
      Likes

      Like Share

      “hab fan
      Flag

      hab fan

      Last night was a win for Canada & Canadians, we have are Canada back.”

      CBC commentators give the NYT a run for their money.

      1. Ooops. Sorry. Should have edited that better.

      2. Where my Canada gone?

    5. At least he’s not even pretending to believe in individual merit.

    6. Please say some reporter asked him how many genders there are.

  30. The Derpy Went Down to Georgia

    I checked out the Swahili on the Georgia Guidestones. More info here:
    http://platedlizard.blogspot.c…..orgia.html

    I also visited Mammoth Cave and wonderful place called Dinosaur World, where I learned some new dinosaur facts:
    http://platedlizard.blogspot.c…..ry-on.html

  31. The Concealed-Carry Fantasy

    The death toll includes 29 mass killings of three or more people by concealed carry shooters who took 139 lives; 17 police officers shot to death, and ? in the ultimate contradiction of concealed carry as a personal safety factor ? 223 suicides. Compared with the 579 non-self-defense, concealed-carry shootings, there were only 21 cases in which self-defense was determined to be a factor.

    The tally by the Violence Policy Center, a gun safety group, is necessarily incomplete because the gun lobby has been so successful in persuading gullible state and national legislators that concealed carry is essential to public safety, thus blocking the extensive data collection that should be mandatory for an obvious and severe public health problem. For that reason, the center has been forced to rely largely on news accounts and limited data in 38 states and the District of Columbia.

    1. Wow, that’s a lot of missing the point.

    2. VPC – a gun safety group?

      Journalistic credibility, how does it fucking work?

    3. I am not buying it.

      Last I heard CCL holders were the least likely persons to shoot someone. Also, 29 mass killings?

      More lies from the grabbers.

    4. in the ultimate contradiction of concealed carry as a personal safety factor ? 223 suicides.

      What?

  32. Palestinians have been stabbing Jews over the fear that Israel will permit non-Muslims to pray at the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

    That’s the reason? Wow Palestinians, why don’t you try to make it even harder for me to empathize with you. Savages.

    1. They don’t really need a reason. As you note, they are savages.

  33. Super PAC launches ‘Let’s Talk Hillary’ to reveal a softer side of Clinton

    Correct the Record on Monday is launching “Let’s Talk Hillary,” featuring people sharing stories about their friendships with Clinton and the effect she has had on their lives, from her childhood in Chicago and college years at Wellesley through her time as first lady and secretary of state.

    The centerpiece is a biographical video series featuring hundreds of interviews. A memo explaining the project and shared with The Washington Post described the interviews as “authentic grassroots stories presented in an authentic grassroots style” and said they would be unscripted and filmed “professionally but simply, devoid of glitz or fanfare.”

    The super PAC’s effort comes after a summer in which Clinton’s favorability ratings fell sharply, dragged down by growing doubts about her honesty and trustworthiness.

    1. reveal a softer side of Clinton

      Let’s not.

      1. She DOES have a softer side, but it’s only exposed for a few seconds at a time when she goes into a death roll.

    2. Ok, people are starting to vomit upon seeing her image. Let’s just get other people to say nice things about her.

  34. Charles Koch interviewed on NPR

    http://www.marketplace.org/top…..arles-koch

    Koch: So I follow that, and I’ve followed it too long, because for a long time people didn’t know who we are, and I’ve been working in this arena for over 50 years, and for the first 40 we didn’t get into politics, so we didn’t have this. Then in 2003, because of what the Bush administration was doing, we said, “Gosh, we’ve got to get involved in politics.”

    Ryssdal: So let’s be clear, that’s George W. Bush, a Republican president, who’s doing things you didn’t like. Growing government, and all of that.

    Koch: Increasing destructive regulations which led to the great recession.

    Ryssdal: Mm-hm (affirmative)

    Koch: Uh, getting us in wars that were counter-productive, and so on. So I mean, because in his campaign he said a lot of things we could agree with, but then the actual practice was so different, and that’s what we find with politician after politician.

    Ryssdal: Can you trust any of ’em?

    Koch: Well yeah, I think there’s a few percent.

    1. Wait a minute. The Evil Koch Brothers got involved in politics because they disagreed with Bush?

      I wonder how many leftists’ heads exploded when they read that.

      1. Answer to your question:

        Mr. Ryssdal, I was very disappointed with the softball questions you asked Mr. Koch, and how you let him off the hook on several occasions. You also did not question his anti-regulation stance, which has lead to several environmental disasters and a few deaths under his watch, or his claim that regulation is what cause the financial crisis.

        Because Charles Koch runs the country. Epi is right, they believe in totems.

        1. Well teh rich like the Koch brothers control the government because the government isn’t powerful enough to stop them from controlling it. That’s why the government needs more power – to resist the rich. Now if that more powerful government just ends up serving the rich, it’s only because it doesn’t have the power to resist. So it needs more power. Now if that more powerful government just ends up serving the rich, it’s only because it doesn’t have the power to resist. So it needs more power. Now if that more powerful government just ends up serving the rich, it’s only because it doesn’t have the power to resist. So it needs more power. Now if that more powerful government just ends up serving the rich, it’s only because it doesn’t have the power to resist. So it needs more power….

          Leftists are retarded.

        2. You also did not question his anti-regulation stance, which has lead to several environmental disasters and a few deaths under his watch

          And companies run by pro-regulation democrats never do anything bad, release pollutants or have employees die on the job ever.

          1. And companies run by pro-regulation democrats never do anything bad, release pollutants or have employees die on the job ever.

            Intentions, Zeb. Intentions. Democrats have the purist intentions in the world, so if something like that happens on their watch it wasn’t their fault. Evil Rethuglicans though, they intend to poison the earth and kill the poor in their never-ending quest for obscene profits. Duh. Everyone knows this.

            1. Oh, right.

              Not that it will do any good. But Koch made a great point in the interview of saying that a big part of why he opposes regulation is that it has contributed so much to the slow economic recovery and to the increase in income inequality and stagnation of middle class wages. Which I think is going to be the best position to argue with leftists for libertarian economic ideas from. “Fuck off slaver” isn’t a great way to change minds. Of course, very few are willing to hear in either case.

              1. Of course, very few are willing to hear in either case.

                And why would they? Libertarian economic ideas look at results. Leftists care only about intentions and ignore results. So any such conversation is a non-starter.

      2. How many heads will explode? None. Even if they read it or hear it they will immediately erase it.

        Remember, the TEA Party is racist and got started because they hate Obama.

      3. The Koch’s disagreed with Bush for the wrong reasons.

  35. The Decline of ObamaCare
    Fewer enrollees and rising loss ratios will force a rewrite in 2017.

    ObamaCare’s individual mandate penalty and social-justice redistribution are supposed to force these low-cost consumers to buy overpriced policies to cross-subsidize everybody else. No wonder HHS Secretary Sylvia Mathews Burwell said meeting even the downgraded target is “probably pretty challenging.”

    The HHS survey shows three of four ObamaCare-eligible uninsured people think having coverage is important?but four of five say they couldn’t fit their share of the premiums into their budgets even after the subsidies. They’re not poor; they tend to have jobs in industries like construction, retail and hospitality but feel insecure financially; and they prioritize items like paying down debt, car repairs or saving to buy a home over insurance.

    The law’s failure to appeal to the young and rising middle class is already cascading through the insurance markets. Researchers at the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and Urban Institute recently published a remarkable study of the industry barometer called medical loss ratios, or MLRs, and the pressure is building fast.

    1. People keep making decisions against their own interests!

    2. 2017. At which point it will be the fault of President Rubio (or whoever) if Team Red wins or the Republicans in Congress if Hillary wins.

  36. In every language, people tend to associate certain sounds with certain shapes:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bouba/kiki_effect

    1. And wow! Hey! What’s this thing suddenly coming towards me very fast? Very, very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide-sounding name like? ow? ound? round? ground! That’s it! That’s a good name?ground!

  37. Soon Comet Lovejoy will be generating 500 *jokes* per second.

    1. Let’s see:

      “Have some, it’s out of this world!”

      “Talk about high!”

      “So what – it just generates an inferior California wine.”

      “1,000,000 BC – that was a good year.”

      “Now we know why the UFOs come to our solar system.”

  38. Funny screaming preacher
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8KxXHibv6A

    When I was driving through Jaw-juh, I was listening to Jebus radio. Man, the Jebus radio down there makes the Jebus radio up north sound like a convention of narcoleptic atheists.

    There was a guy who would talk real fast and say “HA!” at the end of each word. It sounded like this:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxQsrEdlo6Q

      1. Karl Rove’s hair was blonde?

    1. Quiet you! It is Teh Greatest Free Market Innovation Evah!

      /derp

    2. What a tragedy. Where are you going to scam your oxycontin from now?

      1. I’m going back to the old stand-by of waiting under overpasses until a pharma van jackknifes.

        1. How do you know which overpass to lurk under?

          1. It’s KY. There’s always a truck jackknifing somewhere.

          2. It’s the one he put sprinkled the deck screws on.

  39. So it turns out that Hillary and her minions were going to blame a different video for the Benghazi attack, but then switched to another.

    link

    Lies about lies within lies.

    1. How else are you going to perfect your trade, if not through practice?

    2. So what?

      I heard that the Republicans are worse.

  40. Palestinians have been stabbing Jews over the fear that Israel will permit non-Muslims to pray at the Temple Mount in Jerusalem.

    That’s a totally proportionate response.

  41. During my recent Southern expedition, I discovered 2 treats: deep-fried peanuts and Oatmeal Porter from Highland Brewing. I highly recommend both. It’s fun to eat a peanut shell and all.

    1. I second the recommendation of Highland Brewing’s Oatmeal Porter. In fact, I haven’t had a bad beer yet from Highland Brewing. It’s a shame I can’t get their products here in New England.

  42. Any chance of marooning Christie on Comet Lovejoy? The extreme statist blob would be out of hair, and the plentiful alcohol would enable him to maintain his enormous distended belly. Win-Win.

    Note to lurking prosecutors: This is only a joke and ain’t noways intended to be taken as any kind of threat.

    1. That’s a double-negative, meaning it is intended as every kind of threat. Police are on their way.

      1. Nooooo! I figured a tribute to Hil’s “I ain’t noways tarred” speech would appeal to their proggie sensibilities. Guess I’ve been fooled by my own cleverness.

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