Affirmative Consent

Why We Should Pity the Anti-Rape Activist Who Convinced Herself She's a Rapist.

Affirmative consent will never work as policy


Annie Teriba

An Oxford University student has resigned from her various activist commitments after confessing to nonconsensual sex in an emotional personal statement. The internet, unsurprisingly, is having a laugh at her expense: who can resist the comedy of the far-left hypocrite?

But in truth, we should pity this woman, even if she is ultimately a victim of her own crazy consent policies. That's because affirmative consent, properly understood, is impossible—and it's going to turn a lot of innocent people into incidental rapists.

Annie Teriba was the editor of a publication for gay and trans writers and a racial equality officer of a student government group. She is stepping down from these positions, however, due to sexual transgressions. According to Teriba's statement:

At this year's NUS Black Students' Conference, I had sex with someone. The other party later informed me that the sex was not consensual. I failed to properly establish consent before every act. I apologise sincerely and profoundly for my actions. I should have taken sufficient steps to ensure that everything I did was consensual. I should have been more attentive to the person's body language. In failing to clarify that the person consented to our entire encounter, I have caused serious irreparable harm.

In a separate incident, in my first year of university, I was alerted to my inappropriate behaviour whilst drunk in a club, where I had touched somebody in a sexual manner without their consent. Therefore this is not an isolated incident. I apologise sincerely and profoundly for my actions.

With these incidents I have rightly lost the trust of those who I organise with and fully intend to work to ensure that I both put my politics into practice in my personal relations and to prove to them that I am committed to transformation. As such, it would be wrong of me to accept platforms and access spaces until I have done so. …

I breached NUS's safe spaces policy, so will not be attending future NUS events.

Emphasis mine. It seems clear that the first incident is a violation of an affirmative consent "Yes Means Yes" standard, which requires participants in a sexual encounter to agree to each sexual activity prior to engaging in those things. The fact that Teriba's partner gave no indication he or she objected to the sex act until afterward doesn't matter; under affirmative consent, sex is nonconsensual unless all aspects of it are vigorously agreed upon beforehand. In this light, Teriba's evaluation of her actions is correct: her sex was nonconsensual. Call it sexual assault, call it rape, call it whatever you like—under the standard preferred by activists, many college administrators, and the state of California, it's not okay.

Well, a whole lot of people are going to find themselves in Teriba's situation if Yes Means Yes continues to spread, because affirmative consent—to the extent that it requires verbal confirmation of individual sex acts—is virtually impossible. As even many activists admit, almost no one has sex like this. No one seeks permission to hold a hand, to touch a shoulder, to give a kiss, to supply tongue, and on and on. But even if affirmative consent ushers in a new era of sexual consent norms—something its adherents desperately want—no one will be able to meet its requirements. It's impossible to reduce sex to a series of distinct acts, each of which comes with its own check box. Communicating general consent for broadly separate activities is doable; distilling every conceivable combination of touching body parts into individual items and requiring obvious, inarguable pre-existing agreement is not. No one will be able to prove this threshold was met if a partner challenges it later.

That's according to the strictest version of affirmative consent. A less rigorous definition holds that "nonverbal cues" can satisfy the requirements in lieu of verbal agreement. But a nonverbal cue is much less precise than a verbal agreement. Who gets to say what counts? Is "failing to resist" a nonverbal method of giving consent? If it is, Yes Means Yes is actually the same thing as "No Means No." If it isn't, then why isn't it? Who decides? How will anyone sort this out if a dispute arises?

In a recent story for The New York Times, reporter Jennifer Medina used a high school lesson in affirmative consent as a vehicle to explore these problems. California now requires high school students to be trained in affirmative consent—a standard they aren't actually held to until and unless they have sex on a college campus. According to the story:

Today, the 15-year-olds gathered around tables to discuss another topic: how and why to make sure each step in a sexual encounter is met with consent.

Consent from the person you are kissing — or more — is not merely silence or a lack of protest, Shafia Zaloom, a health educator at the Urban School of San Francisco , told the students. They listened with rapt attention, but several did not disguise how puzzled they felt.

"What does that mean — you have to say 'yes' every 10 minutes?" asked Aiden Ryan, 15, who sat near the front of the room.

"Pretty much," Ms. Zaloom answered. "It's not a timing thing, but whoever initiates things to another level has to ask."

A sex policy that requires a fresh barrages of 'yesses' every few minutes can never work as the standard by which we judge whether an encounter constitutes rape, unless the goal is to retroactively turn everyone into rapists.

One last note about Teriba: feminist students at Oxford have denounced her as a rape apologist. If she had not resigned, she would have been fired from her groups. The student government "would never allow a known perpetrator of sexual violence to hold power on the committee," said Student Union President Taisie Tsikas.

Hat tip: Blake Neff / The Daily Caller News Foundation

NEXT: US, Russia to Agree on Syria Air Safety, Many Republicans See Donald Trump As Best Hope, Jupiter Losing Great Red Spot: P.M. Links

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  1. “”What does that mean ? you have to say ‘yes’ every 10 minutes?” asked Aiden Ryan, 15, who sat near the front of the room.”

    The teacher replied, “based on what I heard, that’s not really a scenario you should be realistically worrying about, if you know what I mean.”

    1. If this ludicrous standard remains, I’ll forbid my son to attend college in California, and inform him that if he has sex while enrolled at college, he’s likely to end up expelled.

      Hooray for the New Victorian era!

      1. They’ve essentially reduced a consensual sexual encounter to a game of gay chicken. Or not gay, whatever.

        1. What ever happened to the mattress girl? Last I heard, she went into porn.

          1. So what? There’s no perfect victim.


      2. It’s worse than Victorian. At least then people minded their own business (or pretended such things didn’t happen) unless it was unavoidable.

    2. “”What does that mean ? you have to say ‘yes’ every 10 minutes?” asked Aiden Ryan, 15, who sat near the front of the room.”

      The teacher replied, “based on what I heard, that’s not really a scenario you should be realistically worrying about, if you know what I mean.”

      I think the teacher’s response was aimed toward the “every 10 minutes” part of the question.

  2. You’re missing the true point here, Robby. She’s meta-victimizing. She’s a victim of her own inability to adhere to her own supposed beliefs. That’s why she’s being so public about it. Victimhood begets sympathy and status. By “baring her soul” as it were, she is getting out in front of the situation and setting herself up as a victim, albeit of her own impulse control. It’s very much like a politician getting busted for driving drunk with a bag of cocaine. What’s the first thing they do? Press conference. “Yes I was wrong but I have a problem! Pity me!”

    When victimhood is a powerful way to get social cache, more and more people are going to find ways to get victim status. They’ll even find ways to twist not being a victim into being a victim, because that’s how it works.

    I fully expect more of this.

    1. Veronica: Hello. I’d like to talk to the lawyer in charge of employee sexual harassment.

      Receptionist: That would be Mr. Thomas, and he’s not here.

      Veronica: – Hmm. Will he be back soon?

      Receptionist: That depends on his willingness to accept the things he cannot change wait.
      His willingness to change what he accepts …
      The wisdom … I don’t know.
      He’s a drunk. He’s in rehab. Again.

      Veronica: Well, it’s nice how you honor his struggle.

      Receptionist: He does this five times a year, But the company can’t fire him because he has a disease.

      Veronica: He also has a disease? Poor drunk.

      Receptionist: No, that’s his disease.
      He’s an alcoholic. And as long as he’s in treatment, The company can’t touch him.

      1. A former coworker has an uncle who’s employed by Ford (IIRC). Said uncle hasn’t worked a day in years, but since he’s an alcoholic, as long as he attends some form of treatment on a given schedule, he can’t be fired. So, your story is not just fiction. Sadly.

        1. When i was doing AA, I met a guy there who swore he was an alcoholic even though he has never drank a day in his life, he claimed to “just know he has the disease” and hes a “victim of genetics and has no control over it” how he has no control over something he has never done was beyond me, until i found out he was being paid by his employer to attend meetings and do treatment on a regular schedule to take care of his “disability”
          I quit going to meetings the day i found that out and i have been fine since, those fucking people loved to play whose the biggest victim, even had me thinking it at one point. fucking cult

        2. So, why don’t smokers get the same treatment?

    2. What would be really funny is if this all comes full circle and repentant ‘rapists’ become a new victim class. It can be a new thing.

      1. Dude, that is exactly what I am saying. Meta-victims. She is the one that did the supposedly bad thing in this case, yet she is the one receiving all the attention. And the only reason it works is because everyone knows her supposed crimes are bullshit in the first place.

        1. You know, it’s possible she understood that her (possibly mythical) victim might some day come forward and accuse her publicly and her house of activist cards could have come tumbling down in a way she couldn’t control, and that’s why she’s doing this.

          1. Oh, absolutely. As I said above:

            By “baring her soul” as it were, she is getting out in front of the situation and setting herself up as a victim, albeit of her own impulse control.

        2. The BIG problem with this “meta-victim” phenomenon is that it completely trivializes the definition of rape.

          I’m kind of old-school about the definitions of words, and where I come from, rape is a serious crime … the kind of crime that used to get the death penalty.

          But now “rape” has been so thoroughly trivialized that it encompasses clumsy, adolescent boorishness, the sort of thing that should be summarily resolved with a simple ‘No’ or a slap across the face.

          1. Are you so sure people like this wouldn’t prefer it still be punishable by the death penalty?

          2. I have always thought that this dumbing down of the definition of rape/sexual assault must be really insulting to victims of actual forced or coerced rape.
            You didn’t say “no” when you should have? Too fucking bad. These people over here said no and still got forcefully penetrated. Fuck you.

            1. exactly!! it’s like calling alcoholism a disease. in their mad rush to be sympathetic people are forgetting that bad stuff still really does happen

    3. Hmmm…interesting perspective I hadn’t considered.

      1. The meta-victimizing being the interesting point I hadn’t thought about.

  3. But in truth, we should pity this woman, even if she is ultimately a victim of her own crazy consent policies. That’s because affirmative consent, properly understood, is impossible?and it’s going to turn a lot of innocent people into incidental rapists.

    I disagree, I don’t pity her, I laugh at her. And I’m afraid of her, at the same time. The fact that she ensnared herself in her own ridiculous notions of social justice doesn’t make her or her ideas any less of a threat to the rest of us.

    Real people are taking real damage from these notions of social justice, and none of that changes due to this ridiculous sideshow.

    1. People like her hoisting themselves on their own petards are likely the best way for them to give up their attempts to micromanage sexual encounters.

      1. Doesn’t really work like that. Several people pointed out to the late Andrea Dworkin that the laws she was advocating in her writing would, if enacted, have banned most of her writing. She said she knew that, and didn’t care. One of PETA’s high-ups is a Type 1 diabetic and she’s fine with the fact that she’d be dead if not for animal experimentation.

        As the old saying goes, you can’t reason someone out of a position they didn’t reason themselves into.

        1. Then I fear there is no hope.

          1. You may not be able to reason someone out of a position they didn’t reason themselves into, but they can be scared out of it. Or shamed. Or they can just drift over to something more popular.

            So there’s always hope.

            1. If you can’t reason someone out of an aggressively stupid position it just means you aren’t using a big enough stick. I think Epi is exactly right – this woman is not really apologizing for her transgresssion, she’s very publicly crucifying herself. How much more power can a victim have than one who has been crucified for her sins? Somebody needs to whack her with a stick and knock her off that cross.

    2. Her and her ilk need to be openly mocked.

  4. Like Episiarch always says: “It’s hard to ask for consent with your tongue up a butthole.”

    1. Just ask his mom

    2. It is! It’s so distracting! You’re just jealous!

    3. Oh, like you could understand anything he said then.

    4. like talking to your dentist

  5. Does she ask herself for consent to masterbate.

      1. If thy hand offend thee…


      2. I gotta hand it to you, Paul – THAT’s funny

  6. The other party later informed me that the sex was not consensual.

    Sorry, Robby, but people like her deserve all the mocking and ridicule that can be mustered. The other party “later” informed me? What the fuck is that? Later as I saw you by the light of day and thought there was no way I would have done that willingly?

    1. It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if she was unpopular, and the ‘other’ party invented some accusation for petty political reasons. They’ve weaponized rape allegations and deserve what they get at this point.

  7. In failing to clarify that the person consented to our entire encounter, I have caused serious irreparable harm.

    These people are about to turn me into a rape apologist. Some chick sticking a finger in your ass during sex when you weren’t expecting it does not make you ‘irreparably harmed.’ They have diluted the meaning of the word rape to the point where it really won’t be a big deal soon.

    What is really odd about this mindset, if we buy that all or most of its adherents are sincere, is just how sacred and taboo sexual acts are so that you are victimized for life if someone does something sexual to you. As a non-rape victim, the whole mindset seems rather condescending and insulting to actual rape victims who are now damaged goods for life. The message is the exact opposite of empowerment.

    1. Some chick sticking a finger in your ass during sex when you weren’t expecting it does not make you ‘irreparably harmed.’

      I dunno… what if that chick was Lena Dunham or Hillary Clinton?

      That could give a guy nightmares for years.


      1. Uh, you’re already effing HRC or Lena Dunham and it’s the FINGER that’s going to give you nightmares?

        1. Hey, nine Coronas were involved.

          1. and how much LSD? because honestly thats your only excuse

          2. Nine? You mean “nine pitchers” right?

      2. God DAMMIT, jcr. I just ate breakfast.

    2. Wait, what makes you think you’re a non rape victim?

      Using their definitions I can think of several dozen cases where I was the victim of a rape and you’d be hard pressed to find a single human over the age of 16 who wasn’t the victim of a sexual assault at a minimum using the affirmative consent standard.

      1. “See, you don’t know what rape is like. For years, I thought it was funny. ‘Oh, yeah. Rape’s so funny.’ Until you’ve *been* raped. You’re about to find out what that’s like, Hand Banana.”

        1. Hand banana?

          1. “Hand Banana, I want you to meet… The Enforcer.”

            “I want my name to be Spaghetti.”

            “Whatever, I don’t care.”

    3. You know, when I was a young lad, I soon learned something about people that I still find quite interesting. I’m thinking it could manifest itself in this situation also.

      I quickly learned during my early adulthood that if I wanted to find a girl who was easy, I would go to church and find the girl who was the most holy goody saintly girl of all of them, the one who always went to church, didn’t talk to boys, never ever did anything bad, like drinking or drugs. That girl was the one who would be nekked before you even asked. Before you even thought about trying a move, and would be the wildest in bed.

      The wildest kids I knew, the most head banging, dope smoking, total hedonists were all the sons of preachers. They were almost too crazy even for me to hang out with.

      I am totally not making this up.

      I think that some of these mattress girls will be here posting with us shortly after graduating.

      1. Preacher’s kids are either the most prudish, or the worst, never in the middle. In some cases, it extends out a generation – I went to college with Oral Roberts’ granddaughter, and I know.

        1. I went to college with Oral Roberts’ granddaughter

          Was she orally fixated by any chance?

        2. Fishbowl effect. They grow up constantly in the public eye being judged for everything they do. They either conform perfectly or they rebel against everything depending on their personality.

        3. I can also confirm this. I went to a Southern Baptist university that consistently ranks in the top 10 of non-party schools. Good lord, they didn’t allow dancing on campus until 1988 (I started in ’90).

          The PKs were as Unreconstructed stated – prudish or hedonistic. Regardless, they were also the most vocal when it came to calling out the sins of others. One of the things that has permanently put me off organized religion.

      2. So you’re saying she was the only one who could reach you . . . the only one who could teach you?

    4. i agree. rape being treated any differently than any other assault is because a woman’s purity means more than her life. i dont know if people don’t know or are choosing to ignore the patronizing source of this idea

  8. Asking seems rude.

  9. In a separate incident, in my first year of university, I was alerted to my inappropriate behaviour whilst drunk in a club,

    I have to aks, did Teriba really say “whilst”?

    1. She’s a limey student at Oxford for Christ’s sake, Paul. You should be surprised if she *didn’t* use “whilst”.

      1. My mother didn’t say Whilst, and she was more British than the Queen Mum.

        1. Did your mom receive private tutoring from the Vice-Provost of Eton? Because I have a feeling her accent/speech patterns and the queen’s are a bit different.

          1. I think Paul is trying to say his mom is inbred, Epi.

            1. My mother was many things, but inbred she was not. She was a half-breed, and I’m quite certain she got her looks from the not-British half. But she got ALL of her demeanor, speech pattern and quiet-disapproving of “The Colonies” from her British half.

              Believe me, I had to sit through endless hours of Upstairs Downstairs as a kid.

            2. Hugh, quiet! You’re not supposed to talk about that out loud!

    2. She’s a student at Oxford, and presumably British.

      Robby’s excuse for his continued use of the phrase “not okay” is less clear.

      1. I thought all the young people said “not okay”.

        1. With their Miley Gaga and their hacky sacks.

          1. Skinny jeans and messenger bags.

            1. What about nintendos, and jack-off magazines?

      2. Robby’s continued use of the phrase “not okay” is problematic.

        1. So you’re saying Robby’s continued use of the phrase “not okay” is not okay?


  10. This self-denunciation ritual is right out of the Cultural Revolution playbook. Right now, that silly bint is getting more attention than she’ll ever get again in her life.


    1. +1

      Hey, John C. Randolph, the decline of Slashdot in recent years has been sad, hasn’t it? I’ve seen you there.

      1. Dice has not been good for /. The SJW articles are becoming quite tedious.


    2. Silly bint! Tricks are for kids!

    3. She has to milk it while she can – she’s a *third year* student. One more year and then she has to join the real world where no one gives a fuck because we’re trying to pay the bills.

  11. unless the goal is to retroactively turn everyone into rapists.

    You’re so close, Robby! Sometimes I feel all it’s gonna take is a nudge, and then you’ll get it!

  12. And if she is now saying she is a rapist, shouldn’t she be kicked out of the school? She’s had multiple instances, after all. She’s dangerous.

    1. This is a very good point.

    2. See my comment about meta-victims again. The crucial part here is that she can do this and not get kicked out because no one actually thinks not getting affirmative consent is rape. Not even the people who push it and spout it. This is literally why she is doing it.

      1. See my comment about meta-victims above.

    3. Oh, her Maoist self-denunciation absolves her, just like Kim Davis’s religious conversion absolves her of all her marital hijinks.

      1. They’re all Saul on the road to Damascus

  13. I failed to properly establish consent before every act. I apologise sincerely and profoundly for my actions. I should have taken sufficient steps to ensure that everything I did was consensual. I should have been more attentive to the person’s body language. In failing to clarify that the person consented to our entire encounter, I have caused serious irreparable harm.

    I have decrypted this blubbering jibberish.

    What we have here is an ugly woman trying to prove that she actually had sex with someone. Whereas the truth is, she’s probably never had sex with anyone, except herself. Because she fugly, she fugly and she’s annoying. That’s a bad combination.

    Glad I could clear it up.

    1. No matter how crazy and ugly she is, there’s always someone crazier and uglier. And that someone, in this case, just might have a Personality Disorder based in Overidealization and Devaluation — i.e. where everyone’s either wonderful or horrible — and thus turns to raging revenge at any perceived slight.

      So yes, I’m sure she had sex with someone, someone with whom she since had a tiff, and so now that someone was just about to go public campus-wide with claims she was sexually abused by our hero. And so she had to go public herself with the apology before she got it much worse from the outside.

      1. never have sex or try to date any girl with borderline personality disorder!!!

      2. never have sex or try to date any girl with borderline personality disorder!!!

  14. I pity everyone who knows her or is impacted by her stupidity. Her, not so much.

  15. But in truth, we should pity this woman

    No, “we” shouldn’t, Rico. This is hilarious, and she is to be mocked. Literally asked for it.

    She can spend her time fucking herself now.

    1. Yes, mocked without mercy, taunted to the ends of the earth. Not just her, all of them.

    2. She can spend her time fucking herself now

      So you’re saying, nothing will likely change?

      1. As commented on above, her self-touching will now require affirmative consent.

  16. It’s impossible to reduce sex to a series of distinct acts, each of which comes with its own check box.

    I try telling that to the escorts, but I always receive an itemized bill in the end anyway.

    1. You make them sodomize you with the bill? No wonder they charge you every penny.

      1. You know, I initially chose that phrasing to make that very joke but instead thought I’d keep it at least somewhat classy, you couthless bastard.

    2. (nods resignedly)

    3. Can’t you just buy in bulk?

      1. Figures you’d go for the Sam’s Club variety, but my girls are all top shelf. Everything’s a la carte at that level.

  17. Why should she be pitied? If anyone else made a similar confession, she’d have worked pitilessly to see him drummed out of public life.

  18. I love when they get hoisted on their own retard.

  19. Good, old, honest prostitution – payment, receipt, repeat business – is the only sure way to establish affirmative consent. That, and bathhouses, maybe.

  20. The most fascinating part is how her fellow SJW’s turned on her, calling her a rape apologist! Although, I guess she meets the literal definition since she’s apologizing for raping, but that’s not what they mean. The rote shit throwing is a wonder to behold.

    1. Well, these people are not sane.

    2. This is why, faced with similar circumstances, I skip the apology and pull out the always loyal, go-to phrase:

      “Bitch had it coming.”

      No one accuses you of rape apology then, I tell you.

      And there is nothing a feminist student group at Oxford can really do about that.

      1. On another note, thank the Lord Jesus I am done with college, and I’m not there now.

        These people would have ruined it for everyone.

        This is how they solve the higher education bubble: take the sex out of college. No students, no demand. Poof. Prices tumble.

  21. “What does that mean ? you have to say ‘yes’ every 10 minutes?” asked Aiden Ryan, 15, who sat near the front of the room.

    The 15 yo gets it.

    1. Like he’s going to make it past 10 minutes.

      1. Sure, with all the forms he’s got to fill out every 2 minutes. Forms referring to paper.

        1. Can’t someone write an app for this?

          1. Electronic forms then. And the two of them would still have to sign. I’m not sure a qualified electronic signature suffices here. Who knows?

  22. So these people are literally driving themselves crazy turning everything onto rape.

    Meanwhile, there is an epidemic of real, violent, forceable rape in Sweden. The SJW folks can’t talk it about because it’s impolite to point who the rapists are. Madness.

    1. I’ve seen stats based stories about Sweden’s rape epidemic, but what is causing it?

      1. an increase in non-Swedes but it’s othering to say so out loud.

      2. What is happening in some European cities is kind of horrifying – and it’s about to get much worse. I’m a bad person for pointing it out.

        1. I posted these yesterday in response to Cytotoxic’s typical “immigration never has any bad effects” nonsense. He actually said that if Sweden had an increase in rapes, it couldn’t be by much. And yet, behold:

          Sweden: Muslims rape over 700 women and 300 children within the first seven months of 2013

          Some national rape stats

            1. Forgot to include this:

              Forty years after the Swedish parliament unanimously decided to change the formerly homogenous Sweden into a multicultural country, violent crime has increased by 300% and rapes by 1,472%. Sweden is now number two on the list of rape countries, surpassed only by Lesotho in Southern Africa.

              1. Bernie Sanders blathered last night about how the US needs to be more like Sweden and how he wants to reform the criminal justice system. Were these two connected?

              2. Forty years after the Swedish parliament unanimously decided to change the formerly homogenous Sweden into a multicultural country

                That is either some powerfully meaningless verbiage or else Sweden was the last holdout of Nazism in Europe.

                1. It refers to this:

                  In the 1950s and 1960s, Sweden had no official policy of incorporating migrants into mainstream society. It was taken for granted that migrants from other Scandinavian countries, who were considered culturally similar, would assimilate.

                  However, in 1975, Parliament endorsed an integration policy based on the need to deal with labor migrants from southern Europe. A radical break with the earlier laissez-faire system, the policy was condensed into three principal objectives: equality, freedom of choice, and partnership.

              3. Europe is losing some cities. They are going to lose countries before long.


      3. Muslims.

  23. This is a good thing. If they actually start applying their crazy standards to themselves no one will want to join them. Seriously, how likely are you to sign up if your first introduction to the groups this chick is a part of is her confession? It’s one thing to hold outsiders to impossible standards, that just provides incentive to be on the right team. You start trying to hold even your upper echelons to the standards and people start giving you the side eye.

  24. Stupid question: how does “affirmative consent” prevent “he said/she said” – unless there is a tape recorder in the room?

    And I’m sorry, but if I was a 15-year-old I would rather sit in the principal’s office than be forced thru this bullshit.

    1. Recording the encounter brings in a host of other issues.

      1. I’ll bet.

    2. Stupid question: how does “affirmative consent” prevent “he said/she said” – unless there is a tape recorder in the room?


      1. Well obviously, if a non-man is also involved. If it is all men or all women or maybe some in-betweens you have to go to the score card.
        What anyone actually did is not important to the process.

  25. I’ve been saying this since the mid-90s. We’re in a Dark Age.

    But now I think it’s a Bizarro Dark Age.

  26. Does she need to register as a sex offender now?

    1. Nah, it’s not like any of this has any legal grounding.


        This is all theater, and she’s set herself up as the star. Because she and everyone else knows that this wasn’t a crime and it wasn’t rape. She is transforming “I am a victim of rape (not really), give me social cache” into “I am a victim of being guilty of not getting sufficient affirmative consent (not really), give me attention”.

        Plus as we speculate above, this may be a preemptive strike by her to stave off accusations of not getting sufficient consent by getting in front of them.

          1. Bitch didn’t get affirmative consent to set him up!

  27. One last note about Teriba: feminist students at Oxford have denounced her as a rape apologist. If she had not resigned, she would have been fired from her groups. The student government, “would never allow a known perpetrator of sexual violence to hold power on the committee,” said Student Union President Taisie Tsikas.

    You know, I do sort of pity her for the self-brainwashing.

    But this response?

    Pure schadenfreude fodder.

    Also, a damned good reason to remember to 1) not treat Oxford as remotely special and 2) never trust anyone involved in student government.

    1. Except, now that the idea comes to mind, someone who enters student government to abolish it.

      I can respect that.

  28. It makes me angry that we’re now steeping teenagers’ brains in this horseshit. I know it’s been going on for awhile now, in general, but this is just beyond the pale. We are raising a generation that’s mentally unfit to cope with the real world.

    1. And the world is getting worse fast – in part because of our inability stop batshit insane people from making decisions.

      1. It seems to me that so-called Western Liberal Democracies are actually promoting and rewarding batshit insane people. Especially at the local political level.

    2. This woman was bright enough to be accepted into Oxford, so she one of the smart ones.


      1. You’re making some unwarranted assumptions, there.

      2. You’re making some unwarranted assumptions, there.

  29. If people were taught to forcefully and, when needed, violently resist assault in all circumstances we would not be hearing about this affirmative consent leftyshit.

    You’d know when you didn’t have consent when you got thrown off the bed or found yourself in a finger lock or got your nose broken or whatever.

    If it starts consensually and progresses and you don’t say or do a goddamn thing about what is happening now, you’ve got no right to complain.

    Speak the fuck up. Punch a bitch. Whatever. Otherwise shut your whore mouth. Unless you’re sucking a cock, of course.

    1. Agree, but if you make that suggestion you’re victim-blaming. It’s not. It’s treating adults as if they were adults. To absolve a person of the responsibility of objecting to treatment they don’t like just turns women into mute, passive little dolls who aren’t expected to say no to a rapist.

      1. That is, I think, the *point*.

        In every other facet of life your *expected* to submit and allow the ‘authorities’ to handle the situation – robbery, mad killer on the loose, hijacking, cops roughing you up because they feel like it, etc. This is just pushing rape back into that category of passiveness.

        Just submit and, if you survive, let the ‘authorities’ deal with it.

    2. What about the risk of violent objection causing counter-violence? Tolerable?

      1. Not tolerable, anymore than any other assault. *Then* the authorities can get involved.

        1. What you’re writing about is the authorities getting involved after (wrongful) counter-violence has occured. That leaves risk (and harm) in place. Tolerable?

  30. Tarquin Wilson 11th October 2015, 21:06

    It’s a very hard story to read and brings back some unpleasant memories. A few years ago, I ended up in a very compromising position after too much to drink with a lady with a lazy eye that I met in the pub THAT VERY SAME NIGHT.

    I lied to her. I said that she was the one, and I kept buying her drinks to increase my chances of coitus. I said that my parent’s house was mine, and various other horrid lies. Anyway, one thing led to the next, and then before you know it, we were as naked as the day we were born in my parents bed.

    She leaned forwards, and her back looked like a scaly lizard. She explained that this was a condition called psoriasis. Well, I began to get worried that my parents bed would be filled with dead skin, and I completely went off the boil. The moment had been lost.

    I said I didn’t want to any more, but she kept pulling and prodding and pushing my parts until I didn’t have a choice in the matter. After she sat astride me, and the coitus had ended, I began to feel corrupted and used. It was a feeling that would grow for many years, and spill over into making this comment.

    In the morning my thoughts were compounded as she abruptly left when I used my Mum’s Henry the Hoover to rid the bed sheets of dead skin. I think she knew what she’d done. I’ve never seen her since.

    All is not lost.

    1. Are you *sure* that isn’t from NutraSweet?

    2. “Yeah, she seemed kind of flaky.”

    3. He has to be taking the piss.

      1. Sounds like he got exactly what he deserved. It’s pretty poetic, actually.

      2. The twist halfway through? That is expertly crafted trolling.

    4. Am I supposed to feel bad for anyone besides the mom in that scenario?

      1. Yeah, Henry the Hoover and dad. You got 1 out of 3, though.

    5. Womanflakes mixed with manbutter. Hmmmm

    6. There’s nothing less sexy than listening to young people talk candidly about sex.

  31. So possibly tangentially related to this, but most likely OT: Did any of you Reasonoids catch the Stossel documentary on censorship this wekeend? Was it good or meh?
    Ironically, even if I were still paying for cable, I would not have been allowed to watch it, because our Great Roadzzzzzbuilding Government years ago decided (through its Totally Independent And Honestly Non-Political For Reals comission) that Fox News shall not be allowed into Canada.

  32. OT: The NBA continues to send a bad message with its specialized fashion for women

    I still have a hard time finding basic, simple apparel to represent my fandom that doesn’t have rhinestones on it without going to the men’s sections of most websites.

    I can find things I like here and there, don’t get me wrong — but mostly it’s frustrating. The message I’m getting with this new women’s line is that I need to dress like a Hot Topic employee, be arm candy, and leave the “serious” sports fandom to the men.

    I just had this crazy idea – what if a bunch of women felt the same way and didn’t buy the new gear? And what if the NBA, in response to this – let’s call it a “signal” – decided, “Women don’t like this stuff, let’s make some stuff they’ll like and wear.”?

    No, no, that’s all nonsense. Let me stick to the more likely scenario: The NBA makes these clothes and it’s female fans are forced to buy them. Kudos to these particular women for resisting the brainwashing!

    1. Her complaining about it is part of the process. If she complains and buys the too girly stuff anyway then she’s an idiot. If she complains and then doesn’t buy the stuff and points out why, it’s a legitimate tactic.

    2. My guess is that guys are the ones buying most of those clothes for their girlfriends.

    3. The aside that female reporters were shut out of an NFL locker room. Um, how about reporters do not belong in team locker rooms…period. The reporters can do their jobs without resorting to forcing themselves upon the players in a compromising moment.

      And to the blogger who was called names. I am sure those fans would have a man different horrible things if they did not like what he was writing.

  33. OT: I learned yesterday that the Government of Somalia, that is the guys who control a few blocks of Mogadishu are planning to institute a property tax so they can start building roads.

    1. Oh, noesss…

      Libertopia is no more.

    2. Must I now look elsewhere for Libertopia?

    3. Will the Government of Somalia be obtaining affirmative consent for the taxes and building of said roads?

      1. The last tax plan I heard from a few years ago was a .25 a day levy on those that had set up stalls along streetsides.

        The collection of that turned into raging gun battles with many a tax-collector being removed from the rolls.

        So I’m guessing this one will go about the same.

  34. Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

    Her confession reads like something from Stalin’s purge trials.

    1. Hadn’t thought of that. Thanks.

  35. In failing to clarify that the person consented to our entire encounter, I have caused serious irreparable harm.

    It’s just a given that your sex partner is harmed if you don’t get their affirmative consent, I guess.

  36. I assume the university will expel her sometime this week.

  37. I saw a porno where two chicks greco-roman wrestle and the winner gets to wear the strap-on and dominate the loser. Anyone know what that is called? Cuz I liked it.

    1. I saw that one too! The loser in that was played by your mom! Yeah, that was a good one.

      1. She really put the “bottom” in power bottom.

        1. Well, she *is* capable generating an enormous amount of power.

    2. I don’t know what its called but its part of the franchise.


        Ultimate Surrender, yes.

        Nude Fight Flub, no.

        There are others, they’re less prolific/profitable.

        1. Nude Fight Club!

          Damned edit button.

  38. This whole situation is just Teriba.

  39. Instead of affirmative consent we should teach our children to fuck through a hole in a sheet.

    That’s how this is all going to end.

    1. That’s gonna hurt women more then guys

      1. So can you think of any downsides?

    2. Well Struthers, I think the real question is – why *wouldn’t* you want to have sex with someone you can’t see?

  40. Is anyone watching this Rangers-Jays game?


    1. The umpires made the game so contentious that fans were throwing beer cans from the upper deck down to the field, and they hit a little kid (or baby) who was sitting near the field.

      Ban Canada!

      1. Besides junior hockey games in the 1980s and Stanley Cup finals, I’ve never seen Canadians react this way.

        1. Someone is going to have to check on Rufus, and apparently all of Canada, tonight.

          1. Also, no one tap Rufus on the caboose.

            1. /throws bottle of hootch at wall. Wipes mouth with sleeve. Looks to tongue someone.

              The game had it all.

      2. The thing about ‘the play’ is the ump didn’t seem to know about the live ball rule. He even waved to stop play.

        And then the drama just wrote itself from that point on.

  41. So she is currently single?

    1. Pretty sure “currently” will be quite a while.

  42. But it wasn’t rape rape

  43. All sex is rape. Didn’t she know that?

  44. So did she ever say just what the non-consensual act was?

  45. Why We Should Pity the Anti-Rape Activist Who Convinced Herself She’s a Rapist.

    I do generally feel sorry for people with serious mental problems. Does that count?

    1. Being a manipulative, immoral bitch isn’t a mental illness.

  46. OT: Caught the new American Horror Story premiere last night – Joy Division + Art Deco + Sisters of Mercy = I am hooked. The trailing entrails are nice, too.

  47. The way I see it, one of two modest programs are necessary to satisfy the current feminist movement. The first of these would require universities to construct special safe spaces wherein intimacy would be permitted. Entrance of two or more prospective sexual partners would validate mutual consent; recordings of their behavior would serve as evidence of whether any aspect of their intimacy was not fully mutual. Given the nature of these special safe spaces, they could be called “feelies”. The second program is a bit more austere: mandatory, ongoing indoctrination in politically correct attitudes concerning sexual conduct. These could be conducted by the Junior Anti-Sex League.

    1. So brothels on campus then. It’s settled!

  48. Been involved in many sexual situations where I was on various cocktails of booze and drugs and women have fucked my lips and cock and I remember one time I was on my back on a table in a very fucking green room with little swirly patterns on the walls and grog floated about the place and I remember that my arms were left on the couch and I was like fucking armless and this bitch ripped my only last remaining clothings off which was my thong and she started whipping the fuck out of my ass with a stick and she stepped her fucking boot right into my goddamn poophole and I thought everything was cool until her steel toe actually sort of hurt my baby starfish and then I turned over and realized I was in my back fucking yard with a pile of fucked up naked people and this slave owning bitch starts sucking my goddamn cock and all I remember is the moon above the spreading oaks and Def Leppard singing about fucking bridges and then my sperm painted a throat and then she kissed me and I ate bridge paint under a smiling darling moon that night.

    So, yeah.

    1. Classic!

  49. I see a whole bunch of Blue Jays high-fiving women. Shouldn’t they be getting consent?

    Over to you trail blazing California.

    1. I see a whole bunch of Blue Jays high-fiving women

      I thought bringing some champagne out of the locker-room for the crowd was a nice touch.

      Seriously, that seventh inning will go down as one of the most electric ever.

      1. I give credit to the Jays fans – they have been crazy since the Tulo and Price trades, and they even stepped it up a notch in the playoffs.

        1. I’m even stunned. Toronto is not exactly known for its electric, loud, vibe.

          Montreal is.

          I have to give this bunch credit.

        2. Which one is Rufus:

          This guy or the classier half of this couple?

          1. He looks like Al Franken.

  50. If God wanted us to get verbal consent she wouldn’t have made cock fit so nicely in a mouth.

    1. I recall fucking her with your selfish ass pegging her up the goddess ass a few years ago. My throbbing vein factory was pulsating in her goddess pink heaven and then you fucking thought it was ok to blow gravy out her ass and that crap spilled all over my balls and God insisted on sucking my balls clean of your goddamn cum. Fucking bitch, straff, thundered his spew and God’s tongue ate him off my balls. Got pissed for a second until i realized this shit was angelic.

      1. Yumm gravy.

  51. Those who want standards of the affirmative, unambiguous kind to apply should be obligated to prove that they affirmatively and unambiguously communicated that. (In part, that’s a matter of cheapest cost avoidance. Those who accept sexual beaureaucracy, formality, and documentation are less impaired by it. Further, they are the ones asking for extra protection, which indicates that they should carry the corresponding costs of that subjective advantage.) It’d be less than intuitive, but there could be specific “affirmative consent” parties, where it is made the standard for all that attend and for all acts that occur in direct connection to it (e.g. during the party, and until noon of the next day.).

    As for those who promote and impose affirmative consent, have they have ever come up with comprehensive statement on how they believe sex and romance work? It seems rather clear that many appreciate the spontaneous, uncontrollable, and even dangerous aspects of it. One might react to that with whatever legal regime, but committing to a set of facts is the necessary prior step, for the sake of truth and effectiveness.

    1. Sex is a factory, multiple seven. And every fucking factory has a basement and an alley.

        1. If youtube has secret tunnels has the mole to find them. The furry sniffy lovely creature is called unsuprisingly a Hero plus le’ Mulatto. I also think if the furry sniffy wanted to break youtube he could likely do this due to an intimate knowledge of the honeycombed structure of the digital castle the monster runs about in.

          Peace out and gallons of fucking love for the zapping vociferous binary feat meister, Le’ Hero Mulatto.

          1. *nods*

            Right back at you, AC.

            Oh, and sorry for almost killing you that time with the Como Mamas gospel.

            1. I mean that is a killing one can rise from and I did like with syrupy jesus buddha stars dripping from my robes, love.

    2. *bureaucracy

  52. As for that woman, serves her right. Nonetheless, if that’s not simply preemptive damage control, then I respect her relatively greater consistency.

    1. “relatively greater consistency”

      If I had a bowl of amorphous magic liquids and I stirred this shit with a space needle found twiddling about in the atmosphere would I achieve this ‘relative greater consistency’?

      1. No. You’d merely continue to be consistently incoherent. Amorphous twiddling.

        1. I guess the early morning sun dripping with eons of fucking galactic orange juices hasn’t found you eating cakes within its orangy shadows. However, since I believe in the fucking odd transplanted powers of the capitalized avatar, I shall remain unassuming about your orange.

  53. There was this sentence here…

    “”Jenkins hoped her original artwork would help her to reclaim and recognize the autonomy she has over her own body. But what happened next helped to illustrate to her just how subservient we all are to patriarchal constructs?trolls included”

    …at the end of a piece.

    And when you look it at, it really does read as though someone is constructing a SJW “Mad Libs”

    Of course, the title of the piece was =

    Vaginal Knitting Artist Is Now Threading Your Hateful Comments in Period Blood

    1. I am now going to spooge on something, because you people are mean to me. Alert Sotheby’s

      1. This might be the greatest comment in the history of Reason.

    2. She is a gross attention whore, and that is what makes her so damn sexy.

      1. Give it up, Crusty. Her hooha is stuffed with attention getting yarn. She has no time for your wing wang.

        1. Yarn to bind my wrists and ankles so that she can ravish my helpless body, yarn to stuff deep into my mouth to stifle my moans of euphoric ectasy, yarn to tie around my pleasure rod like a it’s a stubborn calf at the North Texas Rodeo…you get the idea.

          1. Ew. You’ll get red on you.

          2. Yarn is awful on the teeth you fucking slut. Rebar is better on the teeth than yarn you discombobulated thread slut.

            1. Period yarn strengthens enamel, you capricious scamp.

              1. Well so it may well be but threads of rebar are better to wear as a vest to resist you violating me, you fucking horrid cage of dragons. You nasty dirty dragon hell spewing knitter.

                1. Rebar will falter under the power of my rapacious lust, you irrevocable cur.

                  1. Crusty is the Jesus of rebar meltation. Yes, Agile concurs. Crusty can kill rebar with a goddamn wave of his lust. Fuck it. Crusty is the assassin of steel.

          3. the North Texas Rodeo

            That’s the North Texas Fair and Rodeo, you red-winged Philistine!

      2. Not bad. Good chance she’s narcissistic and masochistic.

      3. Please! = Attention Sex-Worker

    3. If she wanted something in her vajaja all she had to do was ask.

  54. Don’t leave this out:

    No HeterOx, the gay rights magazine founded and edited by Miss Teriba, courted controversy when it purged a number of white gay men because their political views were insufficiently radical, saying in a statement: ‘Zionists are not welcome here.’

    I guess she doesn’t believe in “safe spaces” for Jews.

    1. Struggle sessions, purges… all that’s missing are the camps.

    2. I feel for the goddamn Jews. Some days I fucking think Jews are fucking dissed way to motherfucking much. If I was a Jew living next to a motherfucking ghetto filled with stabbers I’d fucking line my belt with fucking alien laser gatlings. Ain’t gonna be a Jew and die to a motherfucking terrorist fuck.

      1. + 1 HEAP gun

        1. The muralist who paints time machines into actual existence. If you need a fucking way back just ask Q, bitches. Bro has this weird slap happy line art thing that transcends ink atoms and somehow the fucking Q imagination snaps to his goddamn brush and Q time flows and atoms surrender and strings cry because his brush breaks the universe all the time. So, this shits on Craigs list and all. Just seek and you will find, whores.

          1. I’m posting this as my OKCupid profile.

            1. Who the FUCK wouldn’t want to fuck a painting dimensional portal? I would. I’d jam my cock in that portal while eating tacos and a pot brownie after I drank a six pack of dogfish 90 minute ipa and took a single blow of cocaine and 4 percoset and ate the jizz of 5 monks and licked the asses of 2 fired slut teachers. And then I suppose I would invert into a flame of the space and become a comet cannon filled with the wisdom of screaming space bitches. Jeez. This reads like an almanac of awesome to my fucking internal typhoon.

  55. …where I had touched somebody in a sexual manner without their consent.

    That should be “where I had touched somebody in a sexual manner without zir consent.”

    College students these days…

    1. Your know having struggled trying to learn new languages I could almost respect that if simplifying the language was what it was about. Of course it’s nothing sane like that so they can all piss off with their z shit.

      1. Well, Newspeak IS all about simplifying language – to the extent that you can’t even form ungood thoughts.

    2. From that post I can tell English isn’t your first language either, AlmightyJB. Just kidding.

      I use ‘they’, ‘them’, and ‘their’ often as gender-neutral pronouns. Writing a straight-forward technical manual with gendered pronouns is a PITA. Writing everything is the passive voice or as imperatives can be done, but for a non-pro like me it’s a bit much.

      I, for one, welcome the ‘ze’.

      1. You can correctly use “he/him/his” as the neutral pronoun – as has been proper for centuries – if you don’t mind an angry pack of radfems torching your house.

        1. “- if you don’t mind an angry pack of radfems torching your house.”

          I’ll pass. How about “it”?

          1. Or “Bitch”. That can be gender neutral.

            1. I’ll go for that.

  56. Well we have to give her credit for her consistency. 99% of feminist women will never even pretend to abide by their own rules in terms of procuring ‘affirmative consent.’ I’m sure Marcotte and Valenti et al, are serial rapists (if they ever have sex) by these standards.

    The notion that a female can be a rapist is a bizarre step in the direction of equality for these people. I wish more feminists would resign their posts at universities and other institutions for failing to follow their own commandments.

  57. I think Soave is one who deposits ink with deliberation and manic levels of FUCK YOU WORLD AND ALL THE INSANE EMPTY HEADED CYSTS. Soave is a cool millennial methinketh.

  58. The word for evil devouring itself is *justice*.

    1. My fucking dirty volume is way too fuck low. So if i buy buy this little basement beast do I get a 6 inch cock with a cute head on it to play with while my ebony babe watches?

  59. Just went to go record this and saw Snowden talking about the NSA if anyone is interested. Think it’s going to be on tomorrow too.

    NOVA’s CyberWar Threat premieres Wednesday, October 14 at 9 p.m. ET on PBS.

  60. I like baby vampires crawling into my ears and gnawing at my brain like hungry fucks. Makes my fucking skull highway unleash tons of hitchhikers with guns and shit and they try to kill the vampire babies crawling into my skull and shit. Disturbingly these fucking chemical hitchhikers don’t realize that baby vampires eat hitchhikers like pudding no matter the bullets which are like adrenalin needles. so I have this odd horror show happening right in my head and I guess imaginary hitchhikers which I presume are real but aren’t are being disemboweled right in front of my goddamn fingers. O bot. I guess I should not like baby vampires crawling into my skull because they eat vulnerable imaginations. I mean, this catastrophe is a hallucination but oddly entertaining….

  61. “One last note about Teriba: feminist students at Oxford have denounced her as a rape apologist. If she had not resigned, she would have been fired from her groups. The student government, “would never allow a known perpetrator of sexual violence to hold power on the committee,” said Student Union President Taisie Tsikas.”

    Can we hope for some sort of whirlpool collapsing inside an event horizon in the hopes of never hearing this sort of clap-trap again?

    1. So Sevo has this idea for a sammich… and shitty crap should be black hole mayo and spread on top of bread and butter pickles screaming to not die and then so this alternative mustard paste formed from dead astronauts is slicked on top of that shit and then fucking space station lettuce with at least one jizz and one orgasm juice from a male and female on that fucking floating lonely factory deposited on the sandwich…. where was I? the bread should be the misery of living humanity and the broken dreams of the entirety of the old people on planet earth which should make for plump bread. So we eat this sandwich, Sevo? Or do we throw it into that burning hole in the center of the yard that is eating our houses and trees? Just fucking asking.

      1. AC, yes, I’m certain I agree. I think.

        1. Sevo, the sammich king of fucking dimensional portals and hell between slabs of wheat.

          1. Hey! Watch that gluten!

  62. Pity her? Hell no! We should lynch her…for rape!

    1. I think we should lynch her for a massage, you capitalized horror show.

      1. Great one, Agile Cyborg!

        From now on SIV will always be known as the “capitalized horror show”.

        You outdid yourself, which is really saying something.

        1. Who is this lovely lettuce monster? I am not familiar with this creature of the threads.

          1. If you mean me, I’m around a lot, and have been posting here since before registration — but mostly on the PM Links in the afternoon. I’m guessing you’re probably sleeping around that time.

            I once met Matt Welch and he said he wasn’t familiar with my posts either. One thing you and Matt have in common, I guess.

            1. I usually do PM, love. Maybe I never snatched the wings of your letters. But I will grasp the future furthers.

              1. I guess I do Pm.. or not.. man I don’t even fucking know what the FUCKInG shit time I do…. so but I recognize a list of dudes so I will fuckin inject my brain wid C. Anacreon…….

                so we’ll dizzy the dickies.

                1. Watch out! He’s a headshrinker. You’ll wake up and find yourself with your lips sewn shut hanging from the rearview of a ’49 Merc.

  63. I just want dirty girls to leak on me all night long. Just leak dirty cunt rockets. Leak your pain on daddy agile.

  64. Do brains have bridges?
    Do bridges have arms?
    Do arms have clouds
    Do clouds have hammers
    Do hammers have flowers
    Do flowers have shelves
    So Do shelves have attics
    and do these attics have bridges?
    Yes. attics have bridges.
    I know of an attic that had a suspension bridge to
    ibiza but it was on a faded brochure but I fell into the brochure
    and traveled free to ibiza… but since I couldn’t find an attic
    I had to fucking pay my way back… fuck ibiza for not having attics.

  65. I like dirty girls and if a dirty girl stabbed my face with her face I’d want to bleed on her bleed.

    1. I fucking don’t even understand that fucking bleed on bleed shit. Agile, you fucking niche doppler what the fuck are you even fucking with blood for? The last bitch orgy pricked her clit and your face looked like a baby boy being sacrificed for a jesus sandwich. Fucking empty spaces between the cliffs. Can’t even jump across. I just die across. Every fucking day while my cock is bleeediing into the addictions of my sluts.

  66. So does anyone think Reason ought to fire Gillespie and replace him with Agile Cyborg? More coherent, less delusional and more dope!

      agile is a fucking ass spacedude and GILLESPIE is a lovely man, WINSTON.


        Not Hipster enough.

        1. Diet Dr. Pepper?

        2. I always thought of Gillespie as more Mr. Pibb than Dr. Pepper.

    2. I don’t hate Gillespie, but I wouldn’t shed a tear if he went on to something else. A weekly AG post with a music video interpretation would be a sight to behold, but I kind of like having him to ourselves in the comments.

      If AG were on the next reason cruise, though, I’d totally be there. I imagine it would end with everyone naked and the boat in the middle of Andes mountains somehow, and we’d all agree that was the only inevitable conclusion after everything that happened.

    3. More coherent, less delusional and more dope!


  67. So this fucking head listens to my letters tapped off my fucking brain. wait so i listen to taps off my letters and and i tap tap and if I shut that motherfucking fucker riff raff all play on my brain so I will .. pause.. so my brain hears little fingerprints finger printing bullshit.

    so, fuck yea, i fingerprint fingerpaint and none of this convoluted twisty brain stem crap is working for real while this bitch is fingertyping on brainpaint and crap … man, I don’t evn fucking know need another toke and bottle and a line…
    I love my olive loives… wait did someone cut my brain?

  68. If i punched a whistle i’d probably be tripping and punch my own throat….. this seems disturbingly real because it happened once you fucking whistle face, agile. wait ,so I’m pretending to write like I’m not fucked up and shit? yes, agile. you are fucking trying to post letters to technology developed by a british knight and shit and you, bitch, should always capitalize B and K when addressing a british knight.

  69. For those of you who can’t get enough Agile Cyborg, check out the writings of Don Dehart Bronkema. Less sex and drugs, though.

    1. Less sex and drugs, though


      1. Bronkema is entertaining if you are into science at all.

    1. Anywhere I hang out, bro… comments be deleted alllll the time for years.

      1. Anywhere Pudding Crusty licious hangs out… the alternative spirit that CJuggles that Crusty Juggler has never even found on these alleys… Cjuggles is a sweet lovely Asian with the sweetest mind and small tits and a delightful butthole and she ran into the back of the Reason store on the corner and Crusty doesn’t even know about this shit but CJuggles is fucking an Asian sweet baby sitting on Agile’s lap. So, we will be playing Crusty and her neck smells like raccoons and melted rockets and she told me my cock smells like alien pussy so I guess good times and booze and drugs and stars be about around the sparkles.

  70. So baby blue whistle from the throat of that fat dude from NYC is shades, man.
    Super down shades.
    like time died and the all the planet’s got some goddamn sun and all I be like space god and shit
    and fucking say WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU GODDAMN PLANETS i am sun and I can kill or live you so bitches rotate and get down.

    Ok so maybe your sun isn’t that aggressive but… little piles of earth are awesome because i have not a single fucking idea why

    1. Damn shame Dennis Hopper isn’t alive to play the lead role in the Autobiography of Agile Cyborg. Maybe Dennis Hof will do?

      1. Gary Oldman?

        1. Keith Richards?

  71. huge archways, man. If your heart is sad your mind and desire must love the journey and alway fucking lunge at the archways. Lightning? fuck lightning. Agile bows to the unirobots of the space comets and prays that the space comets give his brothers and sisters billions of space pigeons and comet sharks of love and peace.

  72. it would be wrong of me to accept platforms and access spaces until I have done so.

    Serious question: What are “accept platforms” and “access spaces”?

    1. Not sure either. But I believe that sentence roughly translates to “I’m a dirty whore and I need to be spanked”

      1. Let me rephrase your answer to make sure I understand.

        “It would be wrong of me to access platforms and accept spaces until I have done so” roughly translates to “I’m a dirty spank and I need to be whored”.

        1. Yeah, you got it.

          1. *** adds “understands SJWese” to list of skills ***

  73. Magnet lobotomy makes you no longer give a fuck. Like I ever did.…..etic-waves

    1. Don’t tell Cytotoxic or Episiarch, or they’ll demand that magnets be strapped on the rest of us to reduce “xenophobia.”

      1. Cheaper than heroin?

    1. Not playin’. Where did that happen?

      1. Try this:

        I see no info about where this was. It was just uploaded today.

          1. So what’s the backstory? For maximum drama, I want the people he’s shooting at to have something to do with his missing leg. But that’s probably too much to hope for.

    2. Tripping and making fun of a cripple is *not* cool.

      1. Oh, it’s a *Turkish* cripple?

        Never mind.

        1. Is that a “Tripple”?

          1. Some call that a “Turkish Taffy”.

            1. Or a prayer Matt.

  74. I don’t know if Robby is the highest-paid member of the Reason staff, but if not he should be. His collegiate beat must be by far the worst assignment simply for the sheer illogical lunacy Robby must wade through daily and then coherently right about.

    Look, this self-admitted rapist woman was a spokesperson for the gay student union, right? So odds are her “victims” were other females. Haven’t the SJWs already established an airtight scientific consensus that only men can be rapists, and only during acts with a female? By this person’s own standards, she can’t possibly have raped anyone.

    I swear you’d find more coherent thought and reasoned stances while covering a Bernie rally held in Berkeley, and you’d probably find more open-minded debate as an embedded reported with a unit of ISIS in Syria. I have a ton of respect for Suave’s ability to swim in a sea of ultimate derp and not be driven to raving madness or suicidal despair.

    1. I agree that Robbie is good, but I think he’s got a beat he should be happy with. The stupid ideas of college students are both more extreme and less consequential than much of politics. That makes them funnier than things like the depressing details of Obamacare, or the depressing election, or the Highly Symbolic And Important Sufferings of the latest bonehead who got into a fight with some cops.

    2. What if she identifies as a man? Isnt she…I mean he, inherently a rapist then? Or something.

  75. GOD.

    OK, so when you’re trying to re-engineer human existence and reality to the point that you redefine rape such that, tada, you’re all rapists yourself, don’t you realize that you’ve just been full of shit?

    You do, don’t you? Realize? The full of shitiness of it all?

    God, I hope so.

    1. Some will, but the emotions powering that standpoint are strong and deep. Activists like this are often angry, self-centered, and insecure, so pointing out logical flaws in their ideology won’t always convince.

  76. Doomed !!!!

  77. That is one big ‘ol fucking cross you have gotten yourself up on there Annie. Holy shit.

    Truly there is no peak stupid, but I am a loss as to how we can go up from here.

  78. I recommend not to read examples from another statement of purpose writer before writing the first draft of yours. This won’t help at all. You must keep your statement unique, and it isn’t a good idea to follow some set rules, or someone else’s personality.

Please to post comments

Comments are closed.