Secret service

The Secret Service's Awesome Plan to Regain America's Trust: Try to Humiliate Its Critics

Leaks private info about congressional critic to the press.


Jason Chaffetz
Rep. Jason Chaffetz

Ladies and gentlemen, the people charged with protecting the safety of our leaders (via the Washington Post):

An assistant director of the Secret Service urged that unflattering information the agency had in its files about a congressman ­critical of the service should be made public, according to a government watchdog report released Wednesday.

"Some information that he might find embarrassing needs to get out," Assistant Director Edward Lowery wrote in an e-mail to a fellow director on March 31, commenting on an internal file that was being widely circulated inside the service. "Just to be fair."

Two days later, a news Web site reported that Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah), chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, had applied to be a Secret Service agent in 2003 and been rejected.

That information was part of a Chaffetz personnel file stored in a restricted Secret Service database and required by law to be kept private.

The kicker: Lowery had just been promoted up the ranks of the Secret Service a month before this incident as part of a big leadership change in order to help reform the agency and correct course from all its previous high-profile screw-ups and scandals that prompted the criticism in the first place.

Read more here. Of course, nothing like this could ever, ever happen with all the metadata the federal government collects on all of us. Not a chance, folks.

NEXT: Clinton Staffer: '60 Minutes assures me that they raised a number of questions and concerns we planted with them'

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  1. Could thing for him has government job and can never be fired.

    1. …are for closers.

    2. I’m not sure you can claim a tip on story that’s at the top of Google News.

      1. I demand affirmative action in hat tips until such a time as commenters and editors stand shoulder to shoulder in hat tip equality.

  2. Assistant Director Edward Lowery

    J. Edgar he ain’t.

    1. The most embarrassing thing they can dig up to get him is that he applied for a job and didn’t get it? What person in the workforce hasn’t been rejected at least once?

      Also, he applied for a federal job as a non-veteran white male. He could have been the most qualified before preference points were added on to most other applicants, and ended up in the middle of the pile.

    1. That’s taking the meaning of victim to a whole nother level.

    2. Yes, Alex Pareene et al….that is the hill you deserve to die on.

    3. I wrote that under a pseudonym.

    4. So in his original piece he paints himself as a sympathetic character who has not acted on his impulses, then markets it to the mush-headed variety of empathy-trumps-reason crowd that eats this shit up with a spoon. And then he compares the empty-headed platitudes of the receptive left with those on the right who are a little bit squeamish at the notion of normalizing this sort of thing, which he very much is attempting to do.

      And I’m not even suggesting he’s wrong in his original intention: it’s very possible that the current approach to handling pedophilia is wrongheaded and counterproductive. Not that it should be welcomed or indulged, but that it should be treated as an illness and dealt with humanely in hopes of getting others with a similar affliction to come in out of the cold. I don’t know enough about it, but that might have been a discussion worth having.

      Instead, cynically, he jumped on the opportunity to make it a partisan issue to inflame the right and embroil the left and ride the resulting political stardom. I really hope he misjudges how comfortable the left is with hitching its wagons to this issue, but for all I know pedophilia is the next card in the socio-sexual identity crisis progressive stack, right after we get polygamy sorted out. He’s as much a self-serving huckster as Al Sharpton or Amanda Marcotte.

      1. Dude, if the left tries to normalize pedos, I’m joining the right, and by that I mean the part that wants to put people in camps.

    5. I refer you to the South Park episode regarding NAMBLA.

    6. “”I almost think these guys hate me more for being a celibate pedophile than if I really had abused kids, because I defy their need to view all pedophiles through the baby rape filter, and thus they don’t have to bother thinking about the issue with any kind of complexity or empathy at all. If they truly cared about kids, they would realize that society is better served by an atmosphere where pedophiles are not afraid to come out and identify themselves.””

      Why, you’re such a generous person, i am shocked that no one invites you over for dinner and recommends you for jobs?

    7. Didn’t someone make the claim yesterday that the proggies want to normalize pedophilia? I think you are looking at an effort right there, and it is no coincidence that Salon published it.

      Also, should we refer our Pedobot to his organization? Where is Pedobot lately anyway?

      Old Man with Candy….well, it goes without saying.

    8. I’m sure the left would show love to someone that admitted violent rape fantasies and urges, but claimed to have not acted on them.

  3. OT: Second German woman evicted from her home to make way for refugees

    A woman in Germany is being evicted from her home of 23 years to make way for asylum-seekers, in the second such case to emerge. Gabrielle Keller has been given until the end of the year to leave her flat in the small southern town of Eschbach, near the border with France. The flat belongs to the local municipality, which says it is needed to house refugees.

    If Germany is trying to get the population in an uproar, this sort of thing is a good way to do it.

    1. There’s no PR like government PR.

    2. “The council hasn’t taken a frivolous decision,” he told Welt newspaper. “The alternative would have been to set up beds in the gym.”


      1. Don’t they already have camp’s they can use. On railroads so can get them there efficiently.

        1. Too lucrative as tourist destinations. Much better to kick pensioners out of public housing in favor of foreign transplants.

        2. I hate myself for laughing at this

      2. I mean, that’s one alternative, true, but I feel like there are other choices between evicting citizens and converting the local gym to a barracks. Although, I will say this is an important lesson about the welfare state.

    3. “If Germany is trying to get the population in an uproar, this sort of thing is a good way to do it.”

      Cuz nothing turns out better than getting Germans all excited.

      1. I think there were a couple of wars in the 20th century that winnowed the population of a lot of that tendency. Now the worst they get is a sort of whiny bureaucratic SFW oppression.

        1. Safe For Work is oppression? Huh.

          1. Oops. SJW.

    4. I’m not saying this is remotely good policy, but that isn’t ‘her’ home. It’s a flat owned by the municipality ie bought with money looted from taxpayers. Live by government takings, die by government takings.

    5. You’ve checked your facts? There’s two stories in The Telegraph, neither with any original source. Reuters, AP, Guardian and Der Spiegel International all have no stories about this.

      If it’s actually happening, it’s horrible, obviously, but this is another one that seems too good to be true.

      1. I find the Telegraph pretty reputable. One of their correspondents found this woman. This is “the original source” in a journalistic sense. In an interview, Gabrielle Keller told their reporter this. The fact that it’s not in other sources right now means little. Original news content is not necessarily replicated in other news sources. I suppose both these reports could be hoaxes, but it seems unlikely.

        1. Just making sure. I kind of got suspicious when I noticed that the first article was almost the same, word-for-word where it dealt with the woman in question. The next few days will tell.

          1. Reliability is also helped by their being conflicting narratives in the article. The council is saying that they offered to help her find new accommodations, while she is saying they have done no such thing. Fictional stories generally aren’t very good about having people disagree over tangential facts like that.

    6. “The flat belongs to the local municipality,…”

      Public housing. There ya’ go.

  4. OT. I just watched my wife’s cat ride an armadillo around the front yard… I really don’t have anything to add to that.

    1. … video would be a good start.

    2. Animal uprising?

      1. Cat’s been watching Planet of the Apes.

    3. No camera? Sounds like an America’s Funniest Home Videos winner.

    4. Other than mentioning if the cat did a backflip on the dismount, what else could you add?

    5. Video or that totally did not happen.

    6. not even a photo?

    7. I really want to see an armadillo IRL. Can you pet them?

        1. But be careful – they can harbor leprosy!

            1. I mean, did I say “can”?

              I meant can’t. Especially not in their footpads. Pat them a lot there.

    8. Are cats a vector for leprosy?

  5. Our Praetorian Guard acts like the historical Praetorian?

    I am shocked!

    1. When do they start killing emperors?

      1. Do you want federal subpoenas? Because this is how you get federal subpoenas.

        1. Reason should provide a special badge next to users who cause subpoenas.

          1. It could work like Twitter’s “verified” status, except in this case you’ve been involuntarily outed by federal process.

            1. Sign me up.

    1. Hush money? Somebody have video?

    2. Hillary continued to invest in cattle futures?

      1. Real estate? Somewhere in Arkansas?

    3. You’re asking the wrong questions.

      The real scam is the Clinton Charity. They take hundreds of millions of dollars in charitable contributions and don’t do any charity. They “partner”, whatever the fuck that means.

      1. Is it anything like “docking”?

      2. They also use foundation money to hire cronies.

        1. It covers the Clintons’ travel in private jets and presidential suites in hotels all over the world.

          Everything but charity.

          1. What do you mean? Just giving the plebes a glimpse of their regalness is all the charity anyone needs!

    4. Where did all of the money go?

      Things don’t get wiped cheaply.

      1. I think Hillary’s central problem right at the moment is having skimped on the wipe.

        1. Eewww!!

        2. Always have flushable wet wipes around just in case.

    5. Part of Forbes research is based on tax returns that itemize charitable donations, but somebody had suggested the Clintons have given away millions of dollars in ways that won’t show up on tax returns – i.e., foreign ‘charities’ that look suspiciously like bribes paid to foreign governments – and the co-mingling of the Clinton Foundation money and the Clinton family money makes it hard to trace the money laundering going on. Not that the Clintons think there is any difference between Clinton Foundation money and Clinton family money.

      1. I swear, the anti-Hillary ads just write themselves.

        “Hillary Clinton says they were broke and in debt when they left the White House in 2001, and her tax returns say they have earned $230 MILLION DOLLARS since then. And yet, their tax returns also say that their net worth is only $45 million. Where did the other $185 MILLION DOLLARS go? How can any family spend $13 million a year, for 14 years? $249,000 every week? $35,000 EVERY DAY?

        Did it all go to luxury living? Are they really epic tippers? Non-deductible donations? A really large and well-paid staff? Bad investments? Huge gifts? Some combination?

        Seriously, where did it all go? And why shouldn’t we all know?

        The ad would accurately portray her as part of the .001%. It forces her to answer in a way almost certain to upset the Democratic base which drools at the thought of soaking the rich.

        It merely hints at scandal, but the only way to counter it is with the truth, and any possible truth will be embarrassing.

        And they can’t avoid answering. “The millions we spend every year are nobody’s business?” I’m pretty sure that’s not in sync with the Democratic Party platform regarding the rich.

        And I doubt we’d hear anything along the lines of: “We secretly donate $15.5 million every year to the United Way, and live on what’s left, and here’s the paperwork that proves it. We just didn’t want anyone to know about our secret gift.”

    6. “…Where did all of the money go? No one seems to know, and the Clintons aren’t offering any answers.”

      Stolen by the VRWC!
      The same VRWC that raised the issue!
      Don’t you see? If not, you’re part of the VRWC!

    7. Hold up. Are you implying that the Clintons suffer from ethical lapses of some sort? Perish the thought!

    8. Well, I’m sure a few million went into bribing their friends at the IRS to ignore the rest of it.

  6. Read more here. Of course, nothing like this could ever, ever happen with all the metadata the federal government collects on all of us. Not a chance, folks.

    It’s a shuddering thought to think of something like that in the hands of Hillary Clinton or Trump.

      1. There’s a car alarm a few blocks over that’s gone on forever and is getting super annoying. But I’ll take another few hours of that than having to listen to that laugh again.

        TIME SUBROUTINE: 3000;
        END PROGRAM;;

        (Somebody who actually knows how to code needs to turn that into better fake code.)

        1. (function(){
          }, 3000);

          But I’m a JS guy, maybe some real programmers will show up later.

          1. No, that’s perfect. I remembered only enough Javascript to use some semicolons and put the time in milliseconds.

          2. The c++ class definition jokes could be good. Something like “public: // you’re kidding, right?”

            But in the end:
            Segmentation fault (core dumped)

  7. “Some information that he might find embarrassing needs to get out,” Assistant Director Edward Lowery wrote in an e-mail to a fellow director on March 31

    Sheesh, Ed — Doesn’t the *Secret* Service use private servers, too?

  8. well I have all these bottles lined up in front of my screen and shit so and so forth

  9. “Lowery had just been promoted up the ranks of the Secret Service a month before this incident”

    They know a team player when they see one.

    Is any further evidence needed of the kabuki democracy of our federal government?

    Big fancy Representative of the People, humped *with impunity* by apparatchik he is supposed to oversee, for the crime of overseeing him.

    The guys we elect aren’t in charge, the apparatchiks are. And they’re just pissing in our faces now.

    Lois Lerner in prison yet? Ha!

    Has she collected a million dollars in pay and benefits for no nothing from the taxpayer *since her treason was plain to the world*?

    I’m a chipper he’s a pepper she’s a chipper we’re a chipper
    Wouldn’t you like to be a chipper too?

    1. brother is fucked up ,man
      fucking davis is tripping on reality man

  10. humans have these trap doors in their arms
    and little flowers grow beneath their assholes
    and their arched backs meant their cunt and dick was spraying
    sex beer on all the carrots and roses and pot and cocaine
    but afterward when the humans lived and loved at
    the pub and ran a business of moving dirt and the assholes
    of hot bologna state fucks and the humans that lives and loved and
    moved and ferried the state fucks of obama, putin, and the UK boy
    it has been realized that the planet is run by fucking assholes… literal
    goddamn assholes.

  11. If you walk into a true value hardware store and buy fucking screws the assholes in the secret service are protecting those screws which will end up being screwed into plates that hold down cute blondes and brunetts and asians my hot wife and I love to fuck so FUCK the goddamn secret service… we engage in consensual domination in the basements with hot chicks and a few hot cocks..

    a few nights ago our lovely boy hung out with us over dinner and games and some fucking freaky goddamn muizik and mama went to bed and cute boy followed her but cute boy is fucking goddamn 33 so fuck your pedophile hunting robots and shit fuck you FBI you fuking KNOW you want to roll in agiles bed … so cute boy followed mama to bed and mama bent her ass up in the moonlight and the pink lace trailed all over the bed and the moon lit up her blonde clouds and agile the powerful motherfucking rambling man stood back in the shadows with his fat nine inch cock ready and the
    cute boy slipped his cock in mama and cute boy screamed in the ohio twilight and blonde goddess twerked her ass under the cute boy and the cute boy blew his load and mama laid down quietly and cute boy pulled back and prayed to jesus and agile moved in
    with his fat cock…

    1. Blonde mama turned over with cute boy cock sperm spilling out of her temple and I looked at her vagina and said praise jesus this is your mother mary and my huge cock has no disrespect of your religion but my fat cock is going to cum huge streams on this pink palace with her knees spread so wide and shit…. and I slipped my cock in her and she groaned and cried and I ever so gently slipped my agile cock within her in and out and so gently under the wing of angels and the loving vagina creamed and cried and I pulled my fat cock out dripping piles of cream

  12. OT: Argentine President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner claimed during the U.N. General Assembly on Monday that a former Obama administration official attempted to convince Argentina to “provide the Islamic Republic of Iran with nuclear fuel.”

    Back in 2009. Just commercial grade, supposedly. But I think it’s weird how Obama and the Democrats generally are so eager for Iran to have nuclear power, but aren’t so keen on it in the U.S.

    1. Agile thinks that no matter what Papaya should fucking arm himself and be a boss no matter what because like millions of us are doing this shit and not necessarily in a fashion that respects the laws of America or Iran.

  13. I’ve been meaning to get a copy of Closing of the American Mind because of commenters here. I found a pdf and ran it through calibre to convert it to epub, but the margins are stubbornly set too large and it’s a pain having to zoom in on my tablet (real first-world bitching here). So I looked it up on amazon: I can have a used copy shipped to my house for under four bucks, but the ebook is over four times that. WTF? It’s only thirty something years old, FFS.

    1. Back when I used to scout books there was a HC copy in dj in every thrift store for .25 to a $1.

  14. I am sure that this major breach of privacy will result in the termination of many people inside the Secret Service.

    Related: The Secret Service has a drinking problem

    I do not blame alcohol, of course, but I blame the culture that exists that allows employees to overindulge in the one legal substance they have access to.*

    *I am sure they are popping pills like maniacs as well, but I am sure that is more difficult to hide.

    1. the secret service should drink with agile and and crusty….and maybe do drugs for three days and maybe fuck sweet favored ladies. but then get clean for 4 days on a shift….. agile is trained in kenpo and gun shooting and archery but I drink doubles and do cocaine and pills and I am oddly super healthy but I fell into a trap door this day and vines stabbed my arms and the all… rise up so my eyeballs and

    2. I don’t know about you, but if I had to spend eight hours a day around the likes of Hillary Clinton, George Bush, Barrack Obama and experience the unfiltered lives of the elite political class as their lackey, I’d probably drink heavily.

  15. OK, so a federal official violates a specific statute in order to harm a member of the House of Representatives.

    If the House doesn’t impeach the guy for *that,* they truly have no testicles.

    1. so I have to do this new thing NOT UG…. ok so hmm so this always special lovely boy I love is ‘trying to get’ aggressive by his testicle thing.

      NOT UG, can you please try to be a viking for once in your goddam fucking lovely fucking post life?

    2. “Impeach” a career civil servant? I think you need to go back to civics class. The bureaucracy IS the government. The politicians are the only ones who get fired.

      1. OK, we’ve got your interpretation, now let’s look at the interpretation given by Justice Joseph Story in his Commentaries on the Constitution:

        “The fourth section of the second article [of the Constitution] is as follows: “The president, vice-president, and all civil officers of the United States, shall be removed from office on impeachment for, and conviction of, treason, bribery, or other high crimes and misdemeanours.”

        “All officers of the United States, therefore, who hold their appointments under the national government, whether their duties are executive or judicial, in the highest or in the lowest departments of the government, with the exception of officers in the army and navy, are properly civil officers within the meaning of the constitution, and liable to impeachment.”

        1. And William Rawle :

          “All executive and judicial officers, from the president downwards, from the judges of the supreme court to those of the most inferior tribunals, are included in this description [of civil officers].”

          1. In the Story quote there should be ellipses between the two paragraphs.

            1. I’ve found some “how low can you go” debates about who can be impeached, but nothing resolved except in the case of territorial judges (back when they weren’t *real* judges) and officials of the District of Columbia. Territorial officials weren’t considered U.S. officials, and D.C. was deemed a municipal corporation, not part of the U.S. government.

              1. All that predates the “career civil service”. It applies to the patronage system we never should have abandoned. Patronage allows you to vote the bureaucracy out.

                1. On the other hand, it just turns the bureaucracy into part of the free shit that politicians hand out to their supporters. Probably makes more sense to make sure that the management of bureaus is handled by sortition.

    3. Yep. On the no testicles thing, I mean.

  16. Zerohedge has a “when is it legal to shoot a cop” post and the comments look kinda familiar.

    1. A law like that could lead to cops actually wanting to wear body cams.

  17. so if a laqua spent from a atmosphere car parked on the edge of the fucking sun
    dude, this is our fucking goddamn future- fuck LA and SAN frock and the goddam dirty ocean filled with dumb whales

    the next level isn’t apps it will be space and the tunes and crux

  18. Chaffetz is a total shitbag who surely needs to be embarrassed. That said, our government is in complete and utter chaos. The rule of law and all decency is dead. The Donald, the most ridiculous candidate ever to run for the GOP nomination is way out in front and the leading Democratic candidate is the most corrupt politician to ever seek public office and everyone knows it including her supporters.

    We sure do live in interesting time.

    1. Rule of Law isn’t totally dead see below.

    2. I don’t give a fuck whether Chaffetz is shitbag and “deserves it” or not! This isn’t about him. And it shouldn’t be.

      The SS (a moniker that’s looking increasingly appropriate) responded to investigation by a sitting Congressman by trying to discredit him by releasing private information. If you or I responded to an SS investigation by releasing the personal information of the SS agents involved, we’d be well on our way to Federal Pound-You-In-The-Ass Prison.

      Either high level heads should roll. Or the SS should be disbanded and their duties reassigned to other agencies.

  19. you can build tons of tall shit made from metals that ruin the arts in your billion dollar worlds but
    human poetry will NEVER be about even THIS sit… my place. the agile place. the place agile feels is the fountainhead of scribe and comments… prepare for the universe, reason it will trip like a rat trap and all because the bands and stripes head out ultimately and when NASA unveils its great mall which I had a vision about the next great thing will happen in space on a huge mall with great libraries and connected virtual realities…. space with new wide spaces is around the corner,

    1. In a few short years space above earth will become a garden of rolling scribes and massive astronauts… I understand that this is nowhere in the fucking literature but trust me the next decade is bringing some shit I will futurize on

  20. Federal court blocks Obama administration’s fracking rules…


    1. Lol, Obama will just ignore this, like he always does.

      health effects like earthquakes and drinking water contamination

      Earthquakes? Where’s the research that proves this? I’m talking about real earthquakes here, not some minor and harmless shaking.

      1. Jack was here a month or so ago flogging a study which showed ‘earthquakes’ resulting from fracking. HUNDREDS of them!
        At the edge of detectability.
        I keep asking him why it hasn’t gained traction, and for some reason, he won’t respond.

        1. Well, an event that shakes the ground and real seismic activity are of course not always the same thing. Real earthquakes produce life threatening events such as severe ground movement, landslides, liquefaction, and even tsunamis.

          So how much structural damage and human death, injuries have been caused by this fracking?

          1. But I saw a video on FB of flammable tap water. Don’t you trust my eyes?

  21. “Emails show Russia-linked hackers tried at least 5 times to break into Clinton private server”
    “The newly released emails show Russia-linked hackers tried at least five times to pry into Clinton’s private email account while she was secretary of state. It is unclear if she clicked on any attachment and exposed her account. Clinton received the infected emails, disguised as speeding tickets, over four hours early the morning of Aug. 3, 2011. The emails instructed recipients to print the attached tickets, which would have allowed hackers to take control of their computers.’…..-wednesday

    This is Hillarious, if you will.
    Yeah, those Russian hackers tried the old ‘Nigerian Prince’ schtick, and when that didn’t work, they said, well, the SoS must have parking tickets, right?
    Gotta bleeve this is a ‘leak’ from Shrill’s campaign to prove she’s not as dumb as, well, the average 2nd-grade kid.

    1. Maybe Hill was pulling a fast n furious type reverse phishing expedition. She allows them to hack her and lures out the Russian hackers. I’m sure Lanny Davis could make this case with his patented I’m-exasperated grimace.

    2. No, I don’t think they’d leak it, because it 1) keeps the email issue alive, and 2) makes everyone wonder about how secure the server was. So it’s bad for her. If this is an attempt at a defense, it shows they are entirely desperate, and just flailing and making things worse.


    Pope Francis: “We can no longer trust in the unseen forces and the invisible hand of the market”

    Hahahaha. Popey Poo doesn’t want us to trust unseen forces.

    1. That’s from 2013, by the way.

      1. I’m certain everything is different now.

      1. That is really funny.

  23. Joke’s on the Secret Service. If openly being a Congressman doesn’t shame the man, nothing will.

  24. Blackmailing politicians?

    Who the fuck do they think they are, the NSA or FBI?

  25. Our what? Leaders?
    Ha ha. Ok.

  26. I make up to $90 an hour working from my home. My story is that I quit working at Walmart to work online and with a little effort I easily bring in around $40h to $86h? Someone was good to me by sharing this link with me, so now i am hoping i could help someone else out there by sharing this link… Try it, you won’t regret it!……


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