Free-Range Kids

School District Bans Tag for Reasons of 'Emotional Safety'

Ban everything.


Sad kid

The Mercer Island School District outside of Seattle has banned tag because it is too emotionally and physically dangerous for kids.

In fact, it has banned all games in which kids do not "keep their hands to themselves." In an email note to Q13Fox TV, the district's communications director, Mary Grady, wrote:

"The Mercer Island School District and school teams have recently revisited expectations for student behavior to address student safety. This means while at play, especially during recess and unstructured time, students are expected to keep their hands to themselves. The rationale behind this is to ensure the physical and emotional safety of all students.

"School staffs are working with students in the classroom to ensure that there are many alternative games available at recess and during unsupervised play, so that our kids can still have fun, be with their friends, move their bodies and give their brains a break."

Maybe it's time for the district to give its own brains a break. If tag is so dangerous for mind and body, we have certainly been slow to recognize its menace. An analysis of the Pieter Brueghel painting, "Children's Games" shows Dutch kids playing about 90 different games, tag among them.

Date of painting: 1560.

Once again we have an age-old childhood tradition that is suddenly too dangerous for this generation of kids. How can it be that for 450+ years (and possibly since the beginning of time), kids played this very same game, but today's youngsters are just too fragile to handle it?

Because, as psychologist and author Peter Gray so often reminds us: No other era that has ever underestimated children to this extent.

What's more, our rule-makers do this with a condescending smile that says it is for the sweet children's sake that we treat them like bonsai trees—delicate, beloved, in need of constant attention, and stunted.

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  1. Old Man With Candy celebrates. Without the practice, they’ll be easier to catch.

    1. Actually, I depend on their speed to help keep me in shape. The chase is nearly all the aerobic exercise I get.

      1. Their speed us precisely what makes them so dangerous. It always starts with a little game of “tag” and then eventually it turns, for example, into fraudulent online bullying of distinguished academic department chairmen. Fortunately we have laws and regulations that allow us to bring a modicum of civility to the classroom as well as the playground. If we can prevent the little crimes before they are committed, then we can avoid major criminal cases such as the one documented at:

  2. Nothing can possibly go wrong when these kids with their bubble-wrapped lives become adults, live on their own, vote, and start running things. Nope, not a thing.

    1. What makes you think they’ll ever become adults?

      1. They won’t. It’s Mercer Island – these kids move from bubble to bubble throughout their lives. This is just a precursor to when they are all entitled corporate lawyers, day traders, or saving the world on mommy and daddy’s dime.

    2. “Nothing can possibly go wrong when these kids with their bubble-wrapped lives become adults, […], vote,”

      Pretty sure we know how they’ll vote and we already know why.

  3. How about banning the school board and government itself for not keeping its hands to itself?

    Obligatory old joke — you can tell it’s cold outside when the politicians keep their hands in their own pockets.

  4. Just an odd thought — I wonder to what extent this is being driven (subconsciously no doubt) as an inversion of the youth culture phenomenon. The one we’ve been living through since the mid 50’s and certainly the 60’s. The phenomenon whereby youth is exalted, age is no longer wisdom, etc.
    Now that the pampered youth are aging, are they trying to retain, or regain, the “authority” (for lack of a better term) that they initially displaced when they moved youth to precedence over age?
    So we now infantilize our young, pushing them back from the stages of growth they should naturally encounter.

    1. Just an odd thought

      I agree

    2. Over the ages we’ve spent great energy at protecting children from real harm, and now that the vast majority of real potential harm has been conquered or eliminated, the quest has not stopped. It continues in earnest, and now instead of eliminating harm, it eliminates fun.

      1. If my understanding of Protestant history is correct, this is hardly the first time that someone has tried to eliminate fun.

        1. +1 Work Ethic?

      2. That sounds like a very reasonable hypothesis.

      3. Sounds like modern feminism.

  5. Oh yes, this will turn out well. I am sure this will produce fully functional adults.

  6. Are they going to ban you-know-what when kids start touching themselves and saying “Tag, I’m it, and it feels good”?

    1. As I understand it that is encouraged and maybe even taught in some places.

  7. Just told my eight-year-old about this story. He said, “They can’t do that! Banning tag is illegal!”

  8. My five year old complained the other day that they don’t allow her to jump off the swings (something I taught her how to do much to her mother’s dismay) at kindergarten. Can’t let kids do anything fun anymore.

    1. That was one of my favorite things in elem school. Get that swing going just as hiiiiiiiiiiigh as you can…then…….JUMP!

      Thank goodness for the pea gravel.

      1. Now they use a heavily rubberized surface at most playground, which is actually WORSE for falling from height than a thick layer of gravel.

          1. I remember chicken fights on the monkey bars. And dodgeball in gym class. And the special version of dodgeball at recess.

          2. Dodgeball was my absolute favorite gym class game, right through HS. I graduated in 1980, so lived before its banning commenced. ALSO good times.

          3. Dodgeball I remember but never understood. Was it supposed to increase dexterity in the targets or aim in the throwers?

            Wasn’t there also a game where the entire class lined up facing one student who then had to rush through the “tunnel” made by the triangles of their legs while they leaned over and slapped him/her as he/she darted beneath? After reaching the end the student joined the end of the line and the foremost student had to then rush through the tunnel. This would be repeated until everyone had gone through the tunnel.

            I don’t know if this served any purpose other than to dirty the hands and knees of the entire class, end up with them all having sore arses, and give the meaner kids an outlet for their aggression. In fact, much of what I remember being told about the “old days” doesn’t make much sense to me.

            Having written all of that, I also recall when we were forced to stop playing tackle football and made to play tag football, and most of us felt like we were being treated like preschoolers.

            I suppose it came down to my personal preferences with regards to which activities (in my opinion) had a purpose and those which did not.

            1. Dodgeball I remember but never understood. Was it supposed to increase dexterity in the targets or aim in the throwers?

              *Blinks several times*

              1. It was suppose to do both?

                1. supposed

        1. Those tall metal slides? Teeter totters?

          1. The fucking galvanized metal that your fucking leg stuck to when it was 100 degrees out and you were wearing shorts….aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH! Those were awesome.

            We used to slide down the support legs fireman style, too. I can only imagine how a teacher/admin would react to that today.

        2. Tether ball?

          1. “You wanna play me?” – N. Dynamite

            1. +1 delicious bass

  9. I think I’m going to start marketing bubble wrap to elementary schools. Once that fails, I’ll approach a few state representatives and get daily bubble wrapping for all children (ages 0 to 20) enforced by law. If it saves just one life!

  10. I was “it” once. It was just…awful.

    1. No wonder you’re a disaffected libertarian now

    2. News, Hugh – you’re still “it”.

      But you knew this, didn’t you?

    3. I thought “it” was good. Unless you are playing Smear the Queer, of course.

  11. Red Rover, Red Rover. Send asshole administrator right over!

  12. Ah, no more ‘Duck, Duck, Goose’ either.
    But masturbation is ok; as long as its not mutual.

    1. Lol, I remember that. Think it gets a kid criminal charges now.

      1. I remember you. I’m surprised you have gained the coordination to operate your fingers independently such that you can type out your comments. Wait…you are typing with your fingers, aren’t you?

        1. lol. for me to know I guess

    2. That’s “duck, duck, grey duck”, dammit. You betchya. Oofda.

  13. So no pick up basketball and football? When I was in grade schoole we played ‘smear the queer’ at recess.. Cap guns were big then too.Hell,we even went sleding in the winter after lunch.

    1. No more Butts Up either.

    2. Kill the Guy With the Ball. Good, clean fun.

    3. Yeah Smear the Queer was something.

      Caps would probably get you arrested on terrorism charges now. We used to take whole rolls of roll caps and smash them with rocks so you could get a proper bang. Even better was a upside down nail and a hammer, but we didn’t usually have those items available at school.

  14. My third grader played dodge ball in recess last week. In a public school no less.

    1. I did not know they had public school(s) in Somalia.

  15. But it’s okay, because they’re going to replace it with a “tag-like running game!”

  16. If it was good enough Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong, it’s good enough for the youth of today.

    1. Twio men that beg for more tax dollars for NASA, screw them.

    2. Hey, that’s Neil FUCKING Armstrong to you, pal!

  17. OT: I watched Ben Carson answer some questions on C-SPAN. For the one about marijuana, he said it should be legal as medicine, but not for fun. Then for some reason he started talking about how terrible heroin is.

    It annoys me when people conflate things to make something seem evil. Weed gets conflated with heroin. Porn gets conflated with child porn. Prostitution gets conflated with sex slavery. Handguns get conflated with machine guns.

    So tiresome.

    1. They get away with it because most people don’t know the difference. And anyone who does is viewed with suspicion.

    2. They just can’t help themselves.All laws should be based in harm to others. Most hard drugs ,of course ,and more dangerous due to the drug war.Being arrested and the crp used to ‘cut’ them. Then again,most use pot.

      1. All laws should be based in harm to others.

        But, but, but drugs cause people to harm others! Banning drugs will prevent crime!

  18. We played tag so hardcore that I lost my two front teeth in a game.

    1. That’s what she said.

    2. Is that all you got for Christmas?

  19. Mercer Island is a Seattle suburb, so this all makes perfect sense.

    1. It is good to remember that this level of idiocy isn’t quite standard. Yet.

  20. “The rationale behind this is to ensure the physical and emotional safety of all students.”

    *** rising intonation ***
    What about their spiritual safety?

    Seriously, your rationale FAILS.

    1. If we can spare just one child’s hurt feelings, wouldn’t that make it all worthwhile? Have you no concern for one child’s hurt feelings?

      1. Lemme think about that…..

        uhhhhhhh…. nope, not really

      2. That reminds me: I haven’t hurt a child’s feelings yet today.

        I’ll be back in a few.

        1. You should start a charter school.

        2. Don’t worry, Tony will be around in a bit.

          1. All of you bow down to Citizen X. He is our god now.

            1. I am not a merciful deity, but i am a fairly lazy one.

      3. How do you make a child cry for a second time?

        Use her teddy bear to wipe the blood off your dick.

        1. Okay, that even made me wince.

          1. I thought it was you who told it to me.

    2. Emotional safety is best served by depriving children of any outlet for expressing exuberance or learning restraint. And yet progs wax hysterical about “socializing” home school students. Unbelievable.

      1. Again, read up on what John Dewey meant by “socialization”. He didn’t mean social skills.

        1. Sure, but the argument you hear from anti-school choice activists is about children learning how to be civil citizens, which is hilarious given the direction public schools are taking social interaction.

          1. I agree with you. Dewey argued that the purpose of education was to “socialize” children. That is, he thought individualism was an immature stage of thinking, and children had to shed it in order to learn how to be dutiful selfless cogs in the great machine that is society.

            1. He was just taking Kant seriously

              1. No joke! As you probably already know, Kant was his dissertation topic.

            2. Which doesn’t seem like an insane theory, but pretty misguided in application. Inevitably we learn to find a role in the social collective, and those who don’t end up in a cabin in Montana mailing homemade explosives to stalwarts of the prevailing social order. But as a guiding principle in pedagogy it seems pretty far beside the point: equipping students with the basic tools to survive in the world should be sufficient. Everything else is just liable to screw up or dilute the first part.

              1. in a cabin in Montana mailing homemade explosives to stalwarts of the prevailing social order.

                Funny that you mention that. From Ted’s own mouth:


                24. Psychologists use the term “socialization” to designate the process by which children are trained to think and act as society demands. A person is said to be well socialized if he believes in and obeys the moral code of his society and fits in well as a functioning part of that society. It may seem senseless to say that many leftists are oversocialized, since the leftist is perceived as a rebel. Nevertheless, the position can be defended. Many leftists are not such rebels as they seem.

                25. The moral code of our society is so demanding that no one can think, feel and act in a completely moral way. For example, we are not supposed to hate anyone, yet almost everyone hates somebody at some time or other, whether he admits it to himself or not. Some people are so highly socialized that the attempt to think, feel and act morally imposes a severe burden on them. In order to avoid feelings of guilt, they continually have to deceive themselves about their own motives and find moral explanations for feelings and actions that in reality have a non-moral origin. We use the term “oversocialized” to describe such people

                1. 28. The leftist of the oversocialized type tries to get off his psychological leash and assert his autonomy by rebelling. But usually he is not strong enough to rebel against the most basic values of society. Generally speaking, the goals of today’s leftists are NOT in conflict with the accepted morality. On the contrary, the left takes an accepted moral principle, adopts it as its own, and then accuses mainstream society of violating that principle. Examples: racial equality, equality of the sexes, helping poor people, peace as opposed to war, nonviolence generally, freedom of expression, kindness to animals. More fundamentally, the duty of the individual to serve society and the duty of society to take care of the individual. All these have been deeply rooted values of our society (or at least of its middle and upper classes) for a long time. These values are explicitly or implicitly expressed or presupposed in most of the material presented to us by the mainstream communications media and the educational system. Leftists, especially those of the oversocialized type, usually do not rebel against these principles but justify their hostility to society by claiming (with some degree of truth) that society is not living up to these principles.

                  Kaczynski had SJWs pegged all the way back in 1995!

                  1. That really is fairly astounding.

                    1. “Read this NOW: The Unabomber demolishes SWJ’s; Reason commenters agree.”

                    2. If HM wasn’t on one of Homeland Security’s watch lists before he probably is now.

                2. The moral code of our society is so demanding that no one can think, feel and act in a completely moral way

                  I didn’t know Ted was Jewish.

    1. +1 Courage

      1. What’s the frequency, Kenneth?

      2. What’s the frequency, Kenneth?

  21. And the people pulled their funding from the school and sent their kids to a different school, rewarding good economic actors instead of the pants wetters that will do more damage to their lives than tag ever will.

    Oh wait…….the state will send their agents in blue costumes to confiscate their stuff for non payment.

  22. About the only active outdoor games I can think of that would pass muster are soccer and baseball/softball. I can’t imagine they will let the precious snowflakes share a field with a baseball or softball, so that leaves soccer.

    1. Once again proving that lots of people have never played soccer, and certainly have never played it unsupervised.

      1. In 6th grade gym, I kicked the ball into my friend’s face breaking his glasses and cutting him up.

      2. No doubt.

        Can’t have the snowflakes dropping to the ground untouched- they might hurt themselves…

    2. Soccer with no goalies or tackling or heading or any of the cool stuff.

    3. Um, a twelve-year-old bully can do a considerable amount of damage just with his foot.

  23. “Now, everyone take out your safety pencil and a circle of paper.”

  24. You know, every minute that a child spends ‘playing’ is a minute that child isn’t learning. Ban recess!

    How much longer before school goes from grade K-2 through grade 14?

    1. I would say it does already.

  25. High school teen who defended a blind classmate who was being beaten by a bully is SUSPENDED and kicked off football team

    Teen was hailed as a hero for stopping blind classmate being beaten up
    Huntington Beach High School student floored bully with a single punch
    Unnamed bully was today arrested on suspicion of misdemeanor battery
    But he was rewarded for his bravery by being kicked off football team…..ended.html

    I have zero tolerance for zero tolerance.

    1. A few years ago some kid tried to punch my stepson, so my stepson pushed him away. He got suspended for three days while the other kid was suspended for five. Makes me wonder if the blind kid was suspended as well. Zero tolerance means everyone involved gets punished.

      1. He might have harmed that kid’s knuckles with his face.

        1. I told my stepson that if it happens again and he’s got a choice between a three day suspension for pushing the kid away or a five day suspension for punching him in the face, to take the five day suspension.

          1. Did people try to scare you into compliance by going on about your “permanent record”? They did with me. I think I was convinced at one point that if I got suspended in 4th grade that I wouldn’t get in to college. Such bull shit.

            1. Does anyone actualyl give a shit about anything but the last few years of HS?

            2. Administrators are already mischaracterizing harmless acts of affection as sexual assault, even in students who can’t possibly contextualize it. If the current temper of sexual hostility survives, isn’t it inevitable that colleges begin taking “permanent records” very seriously?

            3. Did people try to scare you into compliance by going on about your “permanent record”?

              I was a pretty good kid (pretty good at not getting caught that is) so they never really needed to. I only got detention once and that was in high school for smoking a cigarette. Which was bullshit by the way, since I went across the street to smoke it, and pitched the butt before stepping back on school grounds. Whatever. I just dropped a hit of acid and goofed off for the rest of the afternoon.

    2. Hey, the school can’t let young men to act like men. They all need to learn how to act like cowering pussies in every situation.

      1. Unless they play football. Then they need to learn how to act like killers.

        1. But only under orders – this kid didn’t have specific orders.

          1. I was trying to wrap my head around the John Jay thing the other day. When one of the coaches admitted to telling the kids to hit the ref, people started saying that we should go easier on the kids who did it.

    3. I don’t sign many petitions, but I signed that one. Fuck those pussies.

  26. It could be time to Ban Seattle.

  27. OT: I was thinking the other day how great it would be if the Bible said that it is sinful for people to fly. Christians would protest outside airports and against the teaching of Bernoulli’s principle. There would be periodic debates in Congress about shutting down the Air Force. Intelligent Flight advocates would argue that only living things can fly. Churches would split over whether it was acceptable to fly.

    I know there is more to flight thn B.’s principle, for all you pedants out there.

    1. The Bible is full of stuff that Christians ignore. That would be just another one of many.

      1. But if you don’t follow the Bible then your morality is just a bunch of random shit you made up!


        1. I bet he fucks his wife when she’s on the rag, and that’s banned.

          1. +1 Red Tent

          2. The Bible also frowns on fatties.

        2. They seem to ignore that at some point they chose their religion based on some set of criteria, which makes it a utilitarian decision between options.

          1. And generally speaking the religion isn’t taken as a whole. Which ends up making it a bunch of random shit that someone else made up and the bits I agree with have been appropriated.

            1. In the defense of Christians, the NT overrides the OT, which contains most of the insanity (Numbers, I’m looking at you). I’ve just always had a difficult time understanding how you could reconcile the nature of God from one to the other. It makes the Gnostics look like they knew what they were talking about.

              1. The Lord works in mysterious ways to confound the wise.

              2. I’ve always wondered why such a pansy ass God was created that is stuck looking like a man. I know Jesus can turn into a lamb, but come on. A lamb?

                At least every other previous religion had gods that could turn into cool shit.

                1. The Holy Spirit can do cool shit. Burning bushes and golden showers (no maybe that’s Zeus) and whatnot. And angels are pretty bad ass.

              3. Look into “Demiurge.”
                I doubt it will make any sense/logic to you, but it’s one explanation that’s been put forward.

                1. Demiurge

                  I assume you’re talking about the Gnostics

                  1. I just reread your post, Lee.
                    You already knew what I suggested you look into.

          2. I think most people choose their religion based simply on it being their parents’ religion. Though that is becoming less common in the secular West.

            1. Still a choice, just a lame set of criteria.

              I always have had more respect for those who learned about a religion first, then converted to it.

              1. I’m not sure what I think of that. A lot of the time converts can be the most crazy.

                My main point is that one’s religion is often not much more of a choice than the language one speaks. Certainly still true in much of the Islamic world.

                1. At least they took the time to think about it.

                  1. And at least they believe in something.

                    1. I believe in things. I believe that my senses for the most part reflect an external reality. And that most other people have a similar experience of the world. What else do you need?

              2. Is history any sort of guide? The left loves to point out all the ills perpetrated in the name of Christianity (often ignoring any other factor in the process), but as far as material well-being, which religious heritage seems to have carried its aspirants and their descendants further? It doesn’t mean I’m willing to convert, but I do look on Christianity a little more charitably than I do other religions. And given the bizarre fixations atheist movements are breeding, I don’t think I would enjoy living in a fully secular society even as an atheist.

                1. Protestant Christianity in particular. The Catholic Church helped to keep Europe pretty screwed up for a long time.

                  I think that it’s probably more to do with culture (of which religion is of course a part). There are a lot of heavily Christianized parts of the world that are pretty screwed up.

      2. The Bible is full of stuff that Christians ignore.

        Gluttony is a sin. Always wondered why Christians don’t refuse to bake cakes for fat-asses?

    2. Whatever drugs you’re doing, I want to avoid. Thanks

    3. The Bible contains plenty of even more daft teachings, but those get “interpreted” away.

    4. I wish more religions treated their spiritual texts as quaint and interpretable moral guides rather than the literal word of God.

    5. You know, there’s more to flight than Bernoulli’s Principle.

  28. I plan on teaching my son and his friends smear the queer but will have to rebrand it as their principal is funnier than a football bat.

    1. new brand will have to rhyme. school the fool? roll the a-hole? dump the chump?

      1. Kick the spic? Whack the black?

      2. Boot the fruit?

      3. Spike the kike? Screw the Jew?

        1. the humorless pricks at the synagogue will love those. i get all sorts of uncomfortable looks for saying “another brewski for the jewski.”

          1. WAIT! I just thought of the perfect name. It doesn’t rhyme, but it tells you all about the game just from the name

            Nazi Tag

            1. it’s a kids game so it must rhyme.

      4. Stagger the Nagger? Pimp the Gimp? Crush the Lush? Smash the Trash?

        1. is smash the trash offensive to appalachia types?

          1. Doesn’t hurt my feelings

      5. Hatchet the rachet

    2. also, for the official rules, does the game conclude when someone is seriously hurt and/or everyone is too tired to pick up the loose ball and run? i can’t remember how or why we ever stopped a game.

      1. Mom let you back inside to play video games.

  29. “The Mercer Island School District and school teams have recently revisited expectations for student behavior to address student safety.”

    Would anyone here enjoy explaining/rephrasing this for me?


    2. “Panty-twisted bureaucrats hold pointless meetings.”

  30. How can it be that for 450+ years (and possibly since the beginning of time), kids played this very same game, but today’s youngsters are just too fragile to handle it?

    Because it’s not the children that are fragile, it’s the adults.

    You know, you look at any social animals and they play fight when young. Tag is hardly play fighting but it is an activity where someone with more physical prowess (speed, agility) can do better than others. I don’t usually buy into the whole “alpha vs beta” thing, but when adults start pushing this kind of BS it starts to seem to have some merit.

    1. That’s alpha through epsilon. And there can only be five alphas and you are not one. You’d be lucky to be a beta, but are more likely a delta.


    An off-duty police officer fatally struck a man with his cop car and alcohol may have played a role in the incident, authorities told NBC News.

    Indianapolis Police Department spokesman Lt. Richard Riddle said that the incident occurred shortly before midnight on the south side of the city. He said that a supervisor dispatched to the scene smelled alcohol on the off-duty officer’s breath and called in additional investigators.

    “The officer was transported to hospital for a blood draw,” he said, adding that the results would take a few hours to process.

  32. Please tell me Lenore got trolled by a twitter news post, like Gillespie did.

  33. OT: The Patrick Kane rape investigation is very strange

    Thankfully the local authorities (a number of them related to me, in some way or another, which should explain a lot) are on the case.

  34. I find this troubling because I think physical contact is really important to emotional development and well being, and not just hugs and kisses.
    Obviously we don’t want bullies beating people up. But at the same time, a certain amount of physical pushing and shoving is normal between friends. The “don’t touch anyone, even in a friendly way” idea seems like not an emotionally healthy idea to be instilling in kids minds.
    Also, some people are naturally more “physical” than others. Some people hate to be touched, but other people like closeness and contact, and lots of boys don’t mind fighting and wrestling for fun.
    If you’re a naturally physical person, it might be emotionally unhealthy be to constrained to a no contact regime.

    1. I find this troubling because I think physical contact is really important to emotional development and well being, and not just hugs and kisses.

      I was saying to same thing out the driver’s window of my white panel van to a woman walking down the street the other day. She didn’t seem to agree.

      Obviously we don’t want bullies beating people up. But at the same time, a certain amount of physical pushing and shoving is normal between friends. The “don’t touch anyone, even in a friendly way” idea seems like not an emotionally healthy idea to be instilling in kids minds.

      But seriously, it’s not. It’s actually unhealthy to push these policies on children, especially young ones. It sets a creepy standard and sets them up to believe things like, oh, I dunno, all unwanted contact is rape? Not like that would ever happen, but I’m just trying to illustrate a point.

      Oh, and with progressive school policies like this, we think that men and women are just going to start using the same public bathroom without a major national outcry.

    2. Where do the douchebags who invented the fist bump fit in?

      1. Uh, it’s ‘knucklebump’ and all the cool kids do it.

        And I believe it originated as something to do with avoiding germs, then just became cool.

        1. Based on the people who do it regularly, I’m pretty sure it was invented by people who think shaking hands makes you gay.

          1. Donald Trump on handshakes

            I think that the only thing better than a good handshake is no handshake at all. I’ve long said that handshakes are a bad idea because of all the germs people spread when they shake hands.

            People always come up to me wanting to shake hands and I never know where that hand has been. I say let’s copy the wonderful Japanese custom of bowing. It’s respectful and it’s sanitary. What more could you want in a greeting?

            1. Screw that. Too much deference. Man up and fistbump it out. Maintain eye contact and scowl and reverse nod for emphasis.

            2. And people want this pussy to be president?

            3. See, I think it’s about germs. I’m sticking with that.

              1. Real men don’t care about no germs.

          2. think shaking hands makes you gay.

            What? Really? Serially? When did shaking hands become gay?

            1. Maybe it’s different in other areas, but around here the guys who do fist bump a lot tend to be the type of dude-guys who act like they are still in high school or something.

    3. Obviously we don’t want bullies beating people up.

      I think even the bullies have their place. Kids need to learn how to deal with adversity. Sometimes that means a fistfight.

      No I’m not defending bullies, but they do provide a service.

  35. Where do the douchebags who invented the fist bump fit in?

    Oh God, yeah, fist bumping is something for pussies who are afraid to actually touch because they think it might be gay or something.

    1. Fist bump, brah! Come on, bump that shit. /Cartman

  36. When I look at all the shit we used to do when I was a kid that’s now considered too “dangerous” for today’s fragile snowflakes, it’s a wonder I survived. /sarc

    And when I think back to all the crap I learned in high scholl, it’s a wonder I can think at all…

    1. *school* nor “scholl”. I certainly never learned to type worth shit. And how the hell did autocorrect not catch that?

      1. Clearly you attended William & Mary.

        1. As a resident of Williamsburg, I find this humorous.

          1. Q. How many William & Mary students does it take to change a light bulb?

            A. Three – one to change the bulb and two to crack under the pressure.

            1. Q: What do College of William and Mary students use for birth control?

              A: Their personalities.

              1. “As a resident of Williamsburg, I find this humorous.”


                Obviously I am not sharp today.
                I was responding to Loki’s “And when I think back to all the crap I learned in high school”, and although Loki was referencing Paul Simon’s “Kodachrome” somehow I thought he was referencing Steely Dan’s “My Old School” which references William & Mary.

                When last I visited with buddies in Williamsburg, I recall that there were a few delis quite near the campus. The food was better than I expected. Since you’ve already stated that you live in Williamsburg, can you tell me if this is still the case?

                1. The food has improved around Williamsburg in recent years. The delis are decent, but the best food in town is at Peter Changs (not be confused with PF Changs).

                  Also worth a visit are Dudley’s Bistro (pricey but very, very good) and A Chef’s Kitchen (kind of a school where you watch your food being prepared and get a lecture at the same time)

                  Feel free to contact me if you’re planning on coming into town again.

  37. My son plays dodge ball in gym nearly every day. He’s learned to duck and look for easy targets. Just like the real world…

  38. Am I alone in initially thinking the article was about clothing tags, like banning branded clothes because status distinction is evil? Because it made more sense than banning tag.

  39. My favorite game was kill the carrier. For you pussy yutes, it was where you threw the football up and whoever caught it got tackled by the other kids.

    1. Also known as “smear the queer,” as stated above.

  40. I think kids’ emotional safety is at greater risk within the typical classroom than outside playing tag.

  41. “Emotional Safety” is a ringing phrase.Pardon me for inquiring as to what it might, in PLAIN ENGLISH, possibly mean.

  42. The school also banned hopscotch and foursquare under its related “Don’t Give Me No Lines” policy.

  43. I think it is time to replace the staff. Shame on you all.

  44. This goes to show why everyone getting a college degree is harmful to society. Too many people with useless degrees (psychology among them) that need to do something to justify their existence. It’s rather like computer techies for large companies like Google or Microsoft, etc., always tweaking and changing things that aren’t broken because they have to justify their existence.

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