Hillary Clinton

Updated: Read THREE (and one fake!) of the Most Embarrassing Hillary Clinton Emails Ever!

No man is a hero to his valet. And no secretary of state looks good asking for TV listings, envying Princess Di's P.R., and following up on gelfite fish.

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Updated: Since publishing this 30 minutes or so ago, I've learned that at least one of the emails below is a fake. Can you spot it? It's the one from Ben Dreyfuss of Mother Jones. It's funny, but it's not real, it dates from earlier this year, and I apologize for my mistake.

The latest cache of Hillary Clinton emails released by the State Department under Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) rules can be searched online here.

Search all you want, but please, share what you find in the comments.

These emails will likely not make much of a difference in evaluating Clinton's effectiveness as secretary of state. She was as close to a complete failure in that role as one can imagine, boasting "no signal accomplishment at the State Department to her name, no indelible peace sealed with her handshake, no war averted, no nuclear crisis defused." Then there's her forehead-slapping mistakes with the Russian "reset," that whole Benghazi imbroglio (which in reality is more about our whole fucked-up Libyan adventure), the nonexistent pivot to Asia, and more. It's not all her fault, of course, but the best she can bank on is that history will little remember and soon forget her tenure at State.

The emails making the rounds on Twitter are less about foreign policy per se and more about Hillary as Empress, petulantly demanding her underlings do her bidding.

Here are four three (and one fake) of the most embarrassing emails making the rounds:

Twitter @numbersmuncher

@bendreyfuss

Oknox

And then there's this email, which to her credit, Hillary Clinton didn't write. It's from Clinton loyalist and counsel Lanny Davis, who seems to be quaking in his boots as he tentatively approaches Madame Secretary like Oliver Twist asking for a second helping of mush.

@gdebenedetti

As I noted above, it's unlikely that any sort of truly scandalous State Department business will come out, but to the extent that anyone looks at these, it will only color in the notion that Clinton—who has acknowledged that she hasn't driven a car since last century and lied about being "dead broke" when she and Bill Clinton left the White House—is hugely out of touch not just with everyday Americans but even everyday well-off Americans.

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  1. That was a fun read.

    I know none of these people have any shame, but they should be so embarrassed they leave public life.

    1. They should abort themselves so we do not have hear about these bilge dwelling assholes anymore.

      What ever happened to a good old fashioned coup with some lunatics dragging her nasty ass and every other politician out in the street by their hair.

      BTW, I know you are listening nsa.

    2. Hillary Clinton is above the law, and will probably be our next president, unless Biden or Sanders beat her. No Republican can match up to Clinton and win. Our liberal asshole media will see to it that a democrook wins the race again!

  2. they should be so embarrassed they should leave public life.

  3. If we can’t get her person, we should have her killed.

    Oh come on. This is funny. I will give her credit where it’s due.

    1. Funny?! This was written the DAY before Diana was killed in a car crash….coincidence???!!!!111!!

      /Vince Foster

  4. Well, where are we on gefilte fish? I mean, as a nation.

    1. Hopefully banning its importation and making it illegal to manufacture within these borders.

        1. You know who else…

          1. Mel Gibson?

    2. I am shocked that Hillary does not have a laser disk copy of Abbie Hoffman Makes Gefilte Fish

  5. More like “get file” fish, amirite.

  6. How does Diana do it?

    Well, for one, she’s dead, and people tend to remember the dead more fondly. You could try to make that work for you Hilary, but I’m not quite sure if you’re not undead already.

    1. “Well, for one, she’s dead”
      That tends to make a difference and also a difference in how you might view the person asking that question.
      But I agree that I’d try my damndest to view Shril with more sympathy if she were dead. I make no promises; didn’t help my view of, oh, FDR, Stalin, LBJ, Mao,…………

        1. But he wasn’t even Russian!

          1. Georgian, Russian, hey, what’s the diff to a couple of mass murderers?

            1. The only thing the Russians ever got out of Georgian was bank robbers and Joseph Stalin – obviously they went in for the bank robbers.

        2. When I was in China, the portrait of the asshole responsible for at least 70-80M Chinese civilian deaths was still plastered all over the place, and you are cautioned to accept only currency with that mass-murderers face emblazoned on it.
          Now, the Japanese are notably reluctant to admit that they were the fucking cause of millions of deaths in WWII, but they still don’t require currency with Hirohito’s mug on it.
          The krauts are ‘kraut-like’ in outlawing mention of their mass-murderer, which is ridiculous, not only since free speech beats outlawed speech, but because he was a piker by comparison.
          The Russians? They’re Russian and should be trusted like the poker player named Doc.

          1. I’m still in China, and I face the bills backward so I don’t have to look at the creepazoid’s mug.

        3. Well if you are gonna have non-Russian mass murderers who ruled over you at some point, is Genghis Khan then the Greatest Russian? Sure made Stalin look like a piker when it came to exercising power, his wars were won with mass military and civilian casualties on the other side, and his dynasty lasted for centuries.

    2. You know who else is dead?

      1. Jeb!’s presidential campaign.

        1. +1 bitchin’ Camaro

  7. Not to rain on the parade, but the one about Princess Diana looks fake. The header doesn’t have the standard Outlook format that the others do. Not to mention that it’s too bone-crushingly stupid for even Hillary to write.

    1. Good call, I was searching the database and couldn’t find it when Reason corrected the article.

    2. Yeah, makes sense. No way she’s got a sense of humor. I should’ve known.

      1. Yea, she should know that Di became famous the same way Vince Foster did.

  8. After the fifth or sixth page of links all of the emails are the same. When I clicked on them, they were all the same redacted email with the subject line “Loretta Sanchez.”

    Either my computer is acting funny or someone fucked up the links.

    1. Ugh. The sycophancy of these emails is fucking nauseating. Clinton must be a really odious person to actually get people talking like that to her. They talk to her like a eunuch would speak to a Sultan.

      1. I can’t imagine ending an email or letter with, “I remain your loyal pal.”

  9. Hillary makes Leona Helmsely look sweet and approachable.

    Hillary looks like the Queen of Hearts in these emails.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nvAyulS8lmQ

  10. Anybody else remember the name of that jackass junior prosecutor at the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the Southern District of New York that was harassing Reason and Reason commenters for making quips about woodchippers?

    Shouldn’t he be looking into Hillary making violent threats/murder conspiracy charges against Hillary right about now?

    …or maybe they’re got him doing something useful now.

    1. Fucking sleazebag identified:
      Preet Bharara
      Bing is your friend even if fucking sleazebag prosecutors aren’t
      Hey, Preet! Can you find a law against clearly identifying you as a fucking sleazebag? Note, I’m not “calling” you a fucking sleazebag, I’m identifying you as such.

      1. Sept 15, 2015

        Reason commenter indicted for posting a rape threat against well respected federal prosecutor.

  11. boasting “no signal accomplishment at the State Department to her name,

    What the hell is ‘Benghazi’? Chopped liver. Sure, its a *bad* accomplishment to have on your record, but its pretty much the signature accomplishment of her career.

  12. So her TV shows are one about a female politician who is batshit crazy obsessed with the minutiae of public policy and another about a female lawyer publicly humiliated by her adulterous politician husband? I wonder why?

      1. HA. What a dumb bitch.

  13. It’s not all her fault, of course

    Nick, surely you’re not impuning Valerie Jarrett had anything to do with this stuff!

  14. That Ben Dreyfuss one is fake. You can tell because it would be evidence of a sense of humor if Hillary actually said it.

    Plus it’s from a year and a half ago. Come on, Gillespie.

    LUCY WAS FIRED FOR LESS THAN THIS.

    1. And you updated this without my bothering to read the update because I’m a lazy fuck.

      Lucy was fired for less than this.

      1. “Lucy was fired for less than this.”
        Shrill wasn’t; Obo still wanted here out of DC.

      2. You posted without reading my post, too. I’m cancelling my subscription.

  15. Was Hitlery really worse than John Foster Dulles? We don’t know…YET.

    1. In any event, apparently she was less classified.

  16. “I want to be as transparent as possible,” she said. She also added, “I’m confident that this process will prove that I never sent, nor received, any email that was marked classified.”

    Clinton-speak at its finest.

  17. No credit to Derp for “Spot the Not”?

    1. I was having trouble choosing between the second and third emails as the not, then I read further and realized that they were real.

      Somewhere in the bowels of Washington, there are savvy democrats who’re having panic attacks that this person is favored to win the nomination. Surely they can haul Hart down from Ireland and run him. He’s not much older than the other three favored D candidates, and maybe the time out of the spotlight has done Gary some favors. Donna Rice would be a quaint reminder of more innocent times compared to the ethical violations of the last three presidents.

  18. I’m online, typing this right now, but could someone be a dear and text me the time for when the Three’s company marathon starts? That’d be great. You’re all so valuable, I’d be in prison without you.

    1. Ya know, I’d like to help, but I don’t have a clue as to what you’re asking.

      1. He’s making like Hillary.

        1. A little late here, but is Hillary a) a lazy ass b) incapable of doing a simple google search c) on power trip? I’m sure a lot of top execs use their staff for frivolous non business related tasks, but they aren’t paid for with taxpayer money. This TV schedule request is probably just one of many that show what a POS Hillary truly is.

          1. She’s 70 years old and is surrounded by sycophants, so I’ll go with b. Hard to underestimate how much wealth and god-like political power affect a person’s ability to handle everyday tasks.

            If she had to do laundry, she’d probably never empty the lint trap and burn the house down in weeks.

            1. If she had to do laundry, she’d probably never empty the lint trap and burn the house down in weeks.

              The Great Chappaqua Fire!

            2. My mother is 73 (74?) and uses the internet like a hawk for recipes.

    2. My prediction: pop culture sites will swoon that Hillary was cool enough to watch Parks & Rec, with no snark about how she couldn’t figure out when it aired without assistance.

  19. It’s from Clinton loyalist and counsel Lanny Davis, who seems to be quaking in his boots as he tentatively approaches Madame Secretary like Oliver Twist asking for a second helping of mush.

    Where the hell is SugarFree when you need him?

    1. NO!! I just had a snack

    2. Wired in deep in the Wartycore. Extracting the essence.

    3. Good lord – you want the sequel to Hillary and Bernie and the prolapsed uterus/pseudopenis with Lanny begging for sloppy seconds thrown into the mix?. You are a sick, sick man.

      1. I just like the word mush, and think it should included in any story about Hillary. I’m picturing the texture of room-temperature grits warmed under wool panties. Not brown sugar grits, mind you, but butter and salt grits.

  20. This is from Breitbart.

    Can the hardcore computer guys around here comment? For a dumbass like me, please. Is this a big deal?

    1. I’m not a hardcore computer guy, but at face value it doesn’t really say much – it just means in 2010 her email may have been less secure than in later stages of how she dealt with her server administration, which seems to have changed hands twice between the clinton foundation, a campaign IT advisor, then the Denver platte river networks…

    2. It was my understanding that Hillary’s server was not a brand-new server, but a borrowed one. I don’t recall if an earlier server from her campaign proved too puny for the job so they upgraded to one of the Clinton Foundation ones or the other way around, but there were two used servers used at two different times. The IP address being the same for both the Foundation e-mails and the SoS e-mails I don’t think would prove they were being used by both the Foundation and the SoS at the same time.

      1. Yeah, that really doesn’t prove anything. If you have your cell phone, your iPad, your Xbox, and your PC all connected to your home cable modem, they all show the same IP address to the outside world despite not being the same equipment.

        1. It does show, however, that they were necessarily both on the same internal network at some point. That’s a major no-no in classified IS security.

    3. I think to determine if it is a Big Deal you need a prosecuting attorney not an IT guy.

      The implication being that Clinton solicited money for her foundation using her powers as Secretary of State.

      Sort of like giving away Iran sanction breaking permits to a Swedish company in exchange for a large gift from them to her foundation.

    4. “The fact that Hillary was sharing an email network with a private foundation means that people without a security clearance almost certainly had physical access to her server while she was working at the State Department.”

      Physical access is total access to a server.

    5. Unless you’re a hardcore Hillary partisan, it was already a Big Deal to be receiving classified or even unclassified sensitive or “for official use only” information on an unauthorized computer system. Hard to say whether this makes it that much worse, since the system was already vulnerable to hack.

      1. Even more than this, the simple notion that there existed a private email server which was used exclusively for all official non-secured email communication with the Secretary of State should be enough for any but the most hardened partisan. There is no plausible alternate explanation to the supposition that the server existed so that she could avoid open records laws and congressional and special prosecutor’s subpoenas.

    6. Based on what I read there, that’s a Very Bad Thing, but it’s nothing that many tech types didn’t already suspect. The two servers shared the same world-facing IP address, which ultimately puts it on the same inward-facing router at some point. It doesn’t really matter if the two servers/domains were on the same physical box, but it is possible. In either case, they touched each other somewhere on the Foundation side of the internet gateway, which means they were both contaminated.

      That leaves aside the fact that Hillary’s server was touching the open internet in the first place, which is all sorts of bad.

  21. The last batch actually had some interesting “color material”… particularly the details of how distant she was from the white house, missed meetings, cut out of the loop on certain decisions, etc. Basically handing off all the affairs of state to deputies while obsessing over her PR opportunities

    I doubt those things will change or will be much reported. it would be interesting to see any examples of instances where she actually exerted some diplomatic authority in State Dept business…. if any.

    1. So, ‘working from home’?

      1. I’m looking at the dump now, and what’s notable is that anything “Country specific” is responded to with nothing more than “yes” and “print that”. Rarely much more than a half-sentence of anything out of hillary on any given subject.

        The ratio of her “country specific” items, “News media” PR stuff, and “someone take care of that/book my flight/get me a car” is roughly equal.

        Based on having seen the inboxes of corporate executives, its what i’d expect for a semi-detached senior salesperson. Yes, very much “working from home/on the road”

        Either they deleted every single thing where she typed more than a sentence, or she really was sleeping her way through the job.

        1. “Either they deleted every single thing where she typed more than a sentence, or she really was sleeping her way through the job.”

          Pretty sure we can agree there no indication she was appointed for her expertise; most likely it was to get her out of town so she would make less trouble.
          And I’m sure, being sensitive to the political winds, she knows that well, so she’s gonna mail it in; ‘you want me to sign up for the secure network after you’ve shoved me off to the side? Here’s my email address, Barry.’
          And, given the two personalities (adding Valery, too), off we go!

  22. Gefilte Fish has to be code for something, right? No one actually likes the stuff and the brevity of the email makes me wonder if this isn’t written in code.

    1. DUH TEH JOOS

    2. Well, the recipients are a vermarr (likely, this guy) and sullivanjj (perhaps, this guy).

      Maybe getting a security clearance for someone?

    3. I can’t imagine the State Department would have released it if it contained code names that they recognized.

    4. Operation Gefilte Fish is going according to plan.

    5. “Gefilte Fish” is lesbian sex.

    6. http://1.usa.gov/1JMfivA
      It looks like they were to help someone get their shipment to Israel through customs.
      Must be nice having friends in the state department….

  23. I won’t be getting any h/ts because this will probably show up in som Journolist’s twitter feed later this week but…

    Dog Killed Homeowner Injured Cop Critical After Police Respond To Wrong House

    1. Three officers were responding to a report of suspicious person, but instead went to the wrong home in the 1500 block of Boulderwoods Drive, near Bouldercrest Road

      Officers weren’t given a street address, but went to a home matching the description given by a 911 caller, Alexander said.

      When officers got to the rear of the house, they found an unlocked screen and unlocked door and believed an intruder was inside, according to police. Officers announced their presence, but it wasn’t known how it escalated to gunfire.

      What
      The
      Fuck

      1. Looks like the homeowner didn’t shoot anybody. Wonder what he’ll be charged with?

  24. You just know the Hillophants will use any of these they can find to try and paint a sympathetic figure.

    And, WTF does she have multiple emails on her server (HDR22 and hrod17 @clintonemail.com)? Is this how she separated her personal from her business email?

  25. So is a Chipotle like a Taco Del Mar?

    1. Is Taco Del Mar an assembly line of highschool dropouts in rubber gloves throwing ingredients haphazardly into something vaguely resembling a salad, dubbed “a burrito bowl”?

      1. Chipotle has decent iced tea, and fresh lemons. Half the time I walk in to buy just a tea they give it to me for free too. I like free quarts of good iced tea.

        The burrito is the same thing that was kinda trendy back in the early ’90s when every college town and city hipster quarter got “California burrito joints”.

      2. yeah.

        Taco Del Mar is like a Subway sandwich place but for mission style burritos and tacos…

        You can get bowls of “Mexican food” as well.

        They are found in the Pacific Northwest.

        When I lived in Seattle it was mostly college students that worked in them. There or Pete’s Pizza.

        The drop outs worked at Dick’s Drive’in.

        Where I live now 20 somethings work at them…don’t think they are drop outs though.

        1. Where I live now 20 somethings work at them…don’t think they are drop outs though.

          Yeah, you need a college degree to work at a job with that kind of prestige these days. The wonders of a more educated workforce.

  26. Any yoga routines? Please say no because the mental image of Hillary Clinton doing yoga would scar me for life all over again.

    1. Her camel toe is like the Challenger Deep between 2 Everests.

      1. GAH!? Darn you, darn you to Heck!

        1. Narrows gaze not good enough. Shuts eyes.

  27. The only thing she has going for her these days, are those emails. If people weren’t talking about that, they wouldn’t be talking about her at all. Frump vs Trump- guess who wins? They are good friends…those 1%ers are all inbred.

    1. If only Martha Stewart hadn’t gone to the slammer. I can’t think of anybody else who would have the same entertainment value as Trumpeteer. Bitch vs Asshole – I’d start watching CNN again and put some popcorn in the microwave.

  28. OT: Question for those who know the technical aspects of music;
    One of my faves when it came out was “Classical Gas”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mREi_Bb85Sk
    Note this comment:
    “The Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra and two Wrecking Crew Trad Jazz Drummers Hal Blaine Earl Palmer and 2 of my aunts on Strings it has Flamenco Guitar French Horns Bassoons Trumpets Cornets Trombones as well as Jim Gordon on percussion and piano bass guitar flutes other stuff 3 different time signatures 2/4 3/4 4/4 Starts in Cut Time is in C Major lots of Key Changes too all in sharped Keys not for muh nigga mah shit rappers that cant play instruments or read music”
    A bit “AC” in form, and similarly maybe true. Comments on the veracity?

    1. What the person says is true, but not all that exciting.

      the hemming and hawing about 2/4 3/4 is meaningless because all it means it that its still in 4/4 (straight time), just that a bar might be truncated here and there. the beats per measure are all the same so from a technical POV there’s no real ‘change’.

      As for key changes, there’s a little modulation in the segment between the “verse” and then the chorus (@56 seconds)…. but my ear suggests its still in the major scale of C in some basic way

      (like, the chorus is centered in Am… which is the … uh, relative minor key…. here…. basically, they share almost all the same notes, just change which is the dominant)

      Then there’s some modulation again on the way out of the chorus back to the root. Basically, the form slides up a step, then another, then another… as an intermediate way to move between segments. You see the same thing in some pop music, but not as much. No examples jump off the top of my head, but i recall transposing some motown stuff/jackson 5 and they have similar changes.

      Call it “more complicated than 99% of pop/rock & roll music”, but still not as goofy as Rush on a bad day

      1. Danke; I’ll check the Rush link later.
        I remember the Stones leaning toward baroque at the time also; I’ll dig up samples.

        1. Dont bother with the Rush. It was kind of a joke. It was the kind of thing that impressed kids in the 1980s the way Classical Gas impressed kids in the 1960s. Its similarly “superficially complex” but not really. It has one segment at the end where it alternates 6 and 7 beat measures… making for the very awkward “13”

          I feel bad that examples aren’t jumping to mind, but ive had a lot of moments over the last few years where i was looking at tunes on paper and going, “this is actually kind of… surprisingly weird.” Bobby Darrin tunes! because las vegas songs have lots of key transpositions for dramatic effect. Show Tunes are probably more complex than 99% of pop music.

          Anything that changes key in non-western-formulaic ways (a lot of Metal does this)… or uses rhythm in odd ways (more rare, but some modern avante-garde rap uses superficially bizarre syncopation) is notable… but not necessarily “good music”. Just “interesting”.

          Just like language, complexity in music is never “better” unless its absolutely necessary

        2. “I remember the Stones leaning toward baroque at the time also; I’ll dig up samples.”

          Paint It Black, Play With Fire, Lady Jane….

          Its only given any recognition for the small addition of the “melodic hooks” which use some small variation from straight major-scale phrasing, and chord progressions which stretch a bit longer than the 3 or 4 normal in pop music.

          zeppelin did this as well all the time. Its what made 60s/70s rock and roll interesting! and what made 1980s-1990s-modern rock & roll so fucking boring for lacking anything that isn’t formulaic, I/IV/V blues based patterns, or I/II/IV pop patterns

          1. Pretty much anything on Between the Buttons. (UK version)

    2. One of my all time favorites.

  29. Keep in mind that they deleted half the emails due to being “personal” but somehow the ones asking for TV show times remained.

    1. Good point. That was sort of my same reaction. they left tons of “meaninless personal stuff” but seemed to delete every single comment re: “Ukraine” that had more than a sentence.

      1. To be fair, she and Bill adopted a malamute named Ukraine at some indeterminate point in the past.

        Happy to report that she’s become fast friends with their beagle, Benghazi, and their Siamese cat, Strap-On.

    2. Yeah no emails around the time Benghazi happened. Like that is believable.

  30. Hrod17@clintonemail.com ???? who took the 16 other Hrod addresses?

    1. 17 as in centimeters.

  31. Gelfite fish, basically Jewish lutefisk.

    1. yeah, it is. and lox and gravlax, latkes and rosti cakes. it’s the ashkenazi jew stuff that seems weirdly similar to scandanavian food, cuz russia’s basically the same climate

      1. Russia’s birth was Scandinavian venture. Even the word “Rus” has Scandinavian roots.

        1. huh im actually quite unfamiliar with russia’s founding, unfortunately – i bet it’s a pretty good story

  32. hey, hilary always looks good [whistle]

  33. As crusty mentioned earlier “they should be so embarrassed they should leave public life.”

    Public life attracts them, and they have followers too. Followers that are easy to sell themselves and future generations down the river.

    The aura of the politician to many is something god like and magical. They believe once that pantsuit or suit is put on, and because more like minded slavers blindly follow and root for this person, they magically know how to run and fix things they have no clue about.

  34. It amuses me that “tv show times” are relevant to her. Shouldn’t she be asking someone to put it in her DVR?

  35. Monica, can you be a dear and draw me a treasure bath?

    While you’re at it, please peel this pants suit from between my cheeks.
    Then we can begin the process of removing my cyborg skin so you can start greasing my jaw.

    BTW dear, how many lives have we ruined today? Get Donald, George, and Barack on the phone and tell them they are buying the steak tonight.

  36. They want Hillary’s emails so bad but what everyone is talking about pertains to employee’s and colleagues who corresponded with her. That sucks for them. Their privacy and confidentiality thrown out the window for our insatiable need to be nosey.

  37. “Insatiable need to be nosey?” No, I don’t quite think that’s what this is about. This was pursuant to a federal judge’s order because they were stonewalling. Note also – if you work for the federal government, part of the deal is that you are accountable to the people – including through FOIA requests. I know, they’re only little people, but they have a right to know what their elected overlords are doing. I agree it sucks for these people – but then again, you voluntarily work for Hillary Fucking Clinton. I can’t say I think that bespeaks very highly of anyone’s character. So, on second thought, fuck them, too.

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