Watch Matt Welch Talk Trump, Bezos, and Sorority Babes at 3 a.m. on Red Eye w/ Tom Shillue

If you are a night owl, insomniac, or just someone who actually knows how to operate a DVR (I think it's called), then you might enjoy my appearance at 3 a.m. ET tonight/tomorrow/275-minutes-from-now on the terrific Fox News program Red Eye w/ Tom Shillue. There I will discuss such topics as:

* Donald Trump telling some kid "I am Batman."

* The New York Times publishing a yawner of a hit piece on the workplace culture at Amazon.com.   

* Some hot sorority gals at University of Alabama taking heat for producing and starring in a cheesy/cheesecakey recruitment video.

* Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison taking away his kids' participation trophies because "sometimes [trying] your best is not enough."

* Teens (correctly) concluding that talking on the phone is gross.

* De Blasio's New York apparently bringing back naked gals to Times Square.

Among the things I may or may not mention are Steve Carlton's 1972 season, the structural advantages of being born on July 31, and the suggestive shape of Donald Trump's mouth. Also, please indicate in the comments how much you approve of my shirt.

Comments

[__Warren__]

Drop a bomb baby, and don't wear a shirt at all!

[Heroic Mulatto]

72 girls you say? Hmm...with some tweaking, they could rework that video for ISIS recruitment.

[AlmightyJB]

I offered to give them a good spanking on an earlier thread.

[commodious spittoon]

I'll treat them to some of the ol' commodious charm: averting eye contact and mumbling indistinctly.

[Heroic Mulatto]

Behold!

You may have to mute the first video.

[commodious spittoon]

Oh... tweaking. I thought you said twerking. That's good too.

[Heroic Mulatto]

Someone didn't watch @2:44.

[commodious spittoon]

I was averting my eyes and mumbling indistinctly.

[AlmightyJB]

Stossel replies to his twit bombers over immigration debate with Coulter.

http://humanevents.com/2015/08.....-is-great/

[MJGreen - Docile Citizen]

I like Stossel.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

You, my friend, have awesome taste.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Stossel makes lots of friends...
you should follow his example!

[Death Professor]

For some reason I read that as an immigration debate with Cutler.

Though I would understand if he had an aversion to muscular brown people crossing imaginary lines.

[*GILMORE*]

Oh, so he's not in France anymore. Red Eye on a Monday is a great way to ease back into the work week. Hopefully he grew a Van Gogh-style beard while away.

""cheesecakey recruitment video.""

I feel this aspersion of the character of Alpha Phi sisters is entirely unwarranted. Those are college students, Mr Welsh, the future of this country. They represented themselves with great professionalism and dignity, and assembled a very finely produced, cinematically compelling video product, in which I found nothing deserving of this sort of derisive dismissal. Did you go graduate college, Mr Welch? Well perhaps your remarks reflect repressed jealousy of their superior academic accomplishments, then.

I suspect other people making these unkind, derogatory comments are similarly diploma-challenged, and very likely suffering from emotional disorders related to their far higher-than-normal Body Mass Index-levels. They are also ugly. And while they think they are cool...alas, they are not.

[*GILMORE*]

"" Did you go graduate""

uuuhhhhhgggg, me blew it. completely ruins the effect.

[Death Professor]

De Blasio's New York apparently bringing back naked gals to Times Square.

Times Square didn't have Internet access before?

[Irish ?s ESB]

"Some hot sorority gals at University of Alabama taking heat for producing and starring in a cheesy/cheesecakey recruitment video."

Hilarious. I assume they're being called racist or some shit because they're white and happy?

Maybe you guys can also talk about the WaPo idiot who thinks we should ban hoop skirts because they're racist or something.

She thinks hoop skirt racism is related to the Charleston Massacre:

"The crude campus racism would soon pale next to the June tragedy in Charleston, S.C. After the mass murder of nine African American churchgoers, allegedly by a white supremacist who blatantly linked his views with the Confederate banner, the U.S. public engaged in long overdue soul-searching about the true meaning of Confederate symbolism. One result has been the steady removal of its signs from civic life. But related conversations have not necessarily taken place, and the question remains: Will feminine racial symbols ? less noticed, highly effective ? ever be similarly called to task? Will observers ever recognize what the hoop ? and the contemporary belle ? have to do with the hate?

While donning a hoop skirt on occasion may not constitute a hate crime "

May not constitute a hate crime. She's not sure, but it might not be a hate crime to wear hoop skirts.

[Death Professor]

Cue a bunch of leftists who have no idea what a hoop skirt is, or which race supposedly wore them, inveighing against them as an inherent symbol of racism. Their insatiable hunger for outrage has left them with a dwindling supply of things to outrage over. How long will it be before they've dug up every teddy bear of every drummer boy for the Confederacy in the civil war?

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Saying Ya'll is a hate crime.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

And saying Y'all too.

[Winston]

The Confederates liked to read Les Miserables. Should it be banned too?

[Heroic Mulatto]

Indeed. Just look at the racist hate and elitist privileged displayed by Queen Victoria's goddaughter, Sara Forbes, in this hoop skirt!

[commodious spittoon]

And wearing the trappings of Westerners, the true slavers.

[commodious spittoon]

Oke-Odan was raided by a Dahomean army; during the attack Sara lost her parents and ended up in the court of King Ghezo as a slave. Intended by her Dahomeyan captors to be a human sacrifice, she was rescued by Captain Frederick E. Forbes of the Royal Navy, who convinced King Ghezo of Dahomey to give her to Queen Victoria.

Admit it, this is the premise of a historical fiction/romance novel.

[Heroic Mulatto]

Unless it's MMMMMMMMM/FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF/T/D/H I'm not interested.

[*GILMORE*]

I tried getting through a paragraph and got a headache.

It seems to me that stupid people go to college... and rather than become less-stupid, they simply acquire lots of ammunition for their stupid-cannons. Then they become professors.

[Winston]

YOU THINK BOK LARNING IS FUR FAGS!//Warty

[*GILMORE*]

now you're stealing my joke. and not even doing it well, unless BOK LARNING is a swedish redneck, or something

[Heroic Mulatto]

I think you mean a Swedish furry.

[Winston]

swedish redneck

Does El Brendel?

[Winston]

Damnit!

Does El Brendel count?

[Wasteland Wanderer]

It's what happens during Friday Funnies. For instance, we learn how not to draw.

[Warty]

Are you claiming to be literate, Winston?

[Winston]

Oh please, I'm like the least "book-learning is fur fags" type there is.

[Winston]

Do you read books about 18th Century British politics in your spare time? I do! So spare me your comments about how I'm some yokel who wants to burn everything that isn't the bible.

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Maybe you should read some books on how not to be an asshole?

[Winston]

Sorry the crew of Spaceballs took them all out.

[Winston]

For people who want to purge Confederate symbols I would have thought they would have more knowledge of that time instead of just watching Gone With The Wind

[Winston]

So what has Jimmy Carter said about the anti-Jeff Davis purge? He did pardon the guy in what he thought was going to bring national healing and stuff.

Maybe they could something like this (Eddie warning!): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadaver_Synod

[MJGreen - Docile Citizen]

When are we going to get around to banning cotton?

[HerChipShot]

I hope it's only domestic cotton banned & not Egyptian for my sheets.

[Inigo "Chip" DuBois]

Thw dark shirt looks good.

[Death Professor]

Some hot sorority gals at University of Alabama taking heat for producing and starring in a cheesy/cheesecakey recruitment video.

Before I waste precious seconds following that link, is it a rape thing or a racism thing?

[Irish ?s ESB]

They raped black culture with their white presences.

[Heroic Mulatto]

It was a sexism thing for awhile until someone noticed that all the girls were white. (They skipped the like 1 and a half minutes where they cavort on a football field with a black man and a twerking elephant.

Seriously.)

[commodious spittoon]

Haven't black women got a thing about black men and white women?

[Heroic Mulatto]

Mmm hmm!

[Death Professor]

Do elephants count as black or white?

[Tejicano]

They seem to be gray, so yes.

[Irish ?s ESB]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMDv8P4gmQg

ALLAHU ALLAHU AKBAR ALLAHU AKBAR

*mortar explodes*

(With Terror) ALLLLLAAAHHHHHUUUU AKBAR!

[Irish ?s ESB]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMDv8P4gmQg

ALLAHU ALLAHU AKBAR ALLAHU AKBAR

*mortar explodes*

(With Terror) ALLLLLAAAHHHHHUUUU AKBAR!

[commodious spittoon]

But... why upload it afterward? Why would you want to immortalize *that* particular moment of a terribly short jihad?

[Irish ?s ESB]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwEZEFQwem0

Allahu Akbar

[commodious spittoon]

http://i.imgur.com/FRCBRSW.gifv allahamster akbar

[Tejicano]

I've seen a couple videos like that where the warhead detonates in the tube.

Knowing something about mortars, having been a mortarman in the military, I would bet these Hadjis are scavenging previously fired, dud rounds. After replacing the propellant firing primer and propellant charges they figure they're good to go.

One problem. Mortar rounds have an internal safety to prevent the warhead from detonating when subjected to the shock they are subjected to when they are launched. That internal safety only works one time.

[Agile Cyborg]

What the living motherfucking FUCK is wrong with society? Man, sweet loving goddamn Jesus I've got a fucking lode of old school religious literature and raggedy-ass cassette tapes created from vintage reel to reel from the old tent revival days where wave after wave of preacher men would get up for 5 hours straight behind a pulpit of lightning and smack the tar out of immoral society and bang the aisles with his spit on how a woman ought to think, dress, breathe, think, look, shit, pee, think, and walk.

It is literally as if all those diehard, sweat-drenched, flame-throwing evangelists rotted in boxes and then arose in contemporary times and places as concerned zealot mamas penning sly and cautious tales to educate into fear the young babes about the responsibilities of having boobs, vaginas, and asses and spiteful feminist nimrods who've never felt the slow thrust of a hard cock oozing its sweet baby rockets into her male-hating slit because human sexuality is such a goddamn mystery to her it has be explained to those she demands to save as a violating hell run by hordes of Satanic animals called males.

[Agile Cyborg]

Cheers to any woman of appropriate age and up into infinity for her offerings of sexuality to the world. Sluts rock forever because so many religions, cultures, peoples, societies, and authorities despise them with a hatred reserved for serial killers and puppy kickers. So show the boobs, asses, curves, and ethereal magic that is your body, babe. I am intensely addicted to the planetary arts.

[Agile Cyborg]

1500 letters provides less than ample space for the range of emotion certain things require.

[Sevo]

I was gonna comment on the sorority gals' lack of tats, but by now AC holds the floor.

[Pl?ya Manhattan.]

I'm three hours west of pacific time. I might be able to outlast him this evening.