Election 2016

Here Are the 10 Republican Presidential Candidates Who Will Compete in the First GOP Debate

Fox News releases list of candidates who qualify for Thursday's prime time primary showdown.


On Thursday night, Fox News will host the first GOP primary debate, featuring 10 of the 17 candidates running for the Republican party's presidential nomination. The remaining candidates will compete in a second-tier debate at 5 p.m.

Fox News announced earlier this summer that the 10 candidates allowed into the main event would be the top 10 as judged by an average most recent high-quality national polls, meaning that Internet-based polls and state-based surveys won't count. What this has meant is that up until today, it's not been entirely clear which candidates would make the cut for the 9 p.m. face off.

But now the final set of polls are in, and Fox has made the names and placement on the stage official.

Here's the full list:

  1. Donald Trump
  2. Jeb Bush
  3. Scott Walker
  4. Mike Huckabee
  5. Ben Carson
  6. Ted Cruz
  7. Marco Rubio
  8. Rand Paul
  9. Chris Christie
  10. John Kasich

The candidates will be arranged on stage according to their rank in the polls, with Trump, Bush, Walker, and Huckabee at the center. Here's more or less how it will look: 

Via ComfortablySmug Twitter/Fox News Channel

(Graphic via Comfortably Smug's Twitter feed/Fox News.)

This list is about what's been expected for the last week or so, with Ohio Gov. John Kasich the only candidate who was really in any doubt (and for the last few days, Kasich's place has been pretty secure).

Kasich, who has a bit of momentum, edged out Texas Gov. Rick Perry for the final slot, which is a bit of a disappointment since Perry, who stumbled memorably in one 2012 debate, has been running a genuinely interesting campaign, delivering worthwhile speeches on financial reform and race and economic opportunity. He's also been the most aggressive anti-Trump voice in the Republican field, even challenging the billionaire mogul to a, um, pull-up contest. Which, sure, might not make America great again, but would at least do wonders for my Thursday night viewing. 

Sadly, we won't get to see Trump and Perry face off this Thursday—although there are still plenty more debates to come between now and March 2016—so we'll just have to content ourselves with seeing how everyone else reacts to Trump's presence. 

NEXT: Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog Split, Robert Conquest Dies, Which Republicans Made the Cut? P.M. Links

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  1. RethugiKKKan KKKlown KKKar!!!!

  2. I sit with Mitt.

    1. or hump with Trump

  3. TRUMP!

  4. Wait…where is Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho?

      1. Elektrolytes. It’s what plants crave !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      2. People keep making this comparison, but it’s horribly unfair. To Camacho. Camacho seems to be pretty pro-immigration (based on his names alone). Camacho’s failures have to do with his state-managed agricultural programs.

        1. ^This. Agriculture subsidies are what plants crave.

          1. It certainly made Mountain Dew accessible to me during the high school years.

  5. I understand that Christie has the Constitutional right to speak; I guess I just don’t understand why anyone would listen to him.

    Also, the whole Republican field is likely to take a hit in the polls for being in the same screenshot with The Donald.

    There’s probably a battle going on right now over who has to stand at at the podiums next to his, and who get to stand at a podium that’s completely out of his frame.

    1. “I understand that Christie has the Constitutional right to speak; I guess I just don’t understand why anyone would listen to him.”

      Pretty much how I feel about Rubio. I think he’s just a bad combover and some 1980s talking points made with Mad Libs.

      1. This. I don’t understand why anyone outside his immediate family would actually support him.

    2. Also, the whole Republican field is likely to take a hit in the polls for being in the same screenshot with The Donald.

      The Donald sure doesn’t seem to. Like it or not, people love his arrogance. The GOP field would do well to follow his lead, at least in going after the media.

      1. “Like it or not, people love his arrogance”

        The bar for “love” is awfully low if polling at 26% qualifies you.

    3. The good news is that after hearing him speak, everyone who doesn’t already hate his fat ass guts, will afterwards.

    4. Is Christie going to be in the Democratic candidates’ debate also? And will that be hosted by HSN or by QVC? Wait, what’s the channel that shows nothing but crappy old re-runs?

      1. CNN.

      2. “MeTV” – except it’s awesome old re-runs.

        1. I’m addicted to their Saturday Night lineup. Batman, Wonder Woman, Star Trek TOS Season #3, and Svengoolie.

          1. I’m DVR’ing Hart to Hart every Monday night…. Shut up.

  6. Until that Gilmore dude showed up, there were 16 candidates. We could have done brackets! Won’t somebody please think of the gambling!

    1. Shit, that’s a great idea. Have a series of one-on-one 10-15 minute debates between pairs of candidates. Winners debate each other until you get to the championship.
      That would be awesome.

      1. Shit, that’s a great idea. Have a series of one-on-one 10-15 minute debates between pairs of candidates.

        Donald Trump, go home and be a family man!

    2. Easy – Trump gets a bye.

      1. All the way to the championship?

        1. Just hope he’s not caught deflating any balls.

      2. Admit it, Crusty, you want to see Trump wrecked with by Santorum.

    3. Gilmore is clearly going to have to win the play-in game against Santorum in order for this bracket thing to work.

  7. ComfortablySmug Twitter

    As opposed to?

    1. Instantaneous vulgar and racist twitter?

      1. Super hardcore rainbow flag when you never gave a fuck twitter.

  8. Oh dear god, it’s starting already….

    *sigh* well at least this will make the polls slightly less name-recognition oriented.

    1. Hazel, In another thread there was talk that you are actually a dude. I don’t believe this because your “voice” is too feminine. Care to clarify? Ignore if not.

      1. Don’t trust her Hazel, a couple of people told her their age and now she’s stapled them to a bunch of race car beds.

        1. Shush now, John. *Guides John over to the potty, reminds him to flush, gives him a drink of water and walks him back to his crib.*

      2. She linked a photo of herself quite some time back.

        … Hobbit

      3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMV8btPW4wU

        ^ This is me after a hard day’s work at the business factory.

        1. That was supposed to be in response to the posts about me being a small child. This is why my mommy doesn’t let me on the internet.

        2. That is exactly how I imagined you.

            1. LOL:)

  9. Obama is no good
    Obamacare is no good
    Strong national defense
    Hearing Christie boo’d.
    Marriage is between a man and a woman.
    Iran is bad.
    Jews are cool.

    1. The pot is dangerous
      Abortion is bad
      *All* lives matter

      1. The pot thing will be interesting. If they get up there and start talking about how much we need the war on drugs, they are toast (and not golden, delicious, buttery toast either; they are burned toast).

      2. Do all lives not matter?

        1. Shut your face hole shitlord!

      3. “The pot is dangerous”

        because it called the kettle black and black kettle lives matter?

        1. Not sure, but am sure that #potbelliedpiglivesmatter

    2. Rand Paul is an isolationist
      Strong Family Values
      Hillary Clinton Emails
      I believe in states rights, but…

  10. I don’t think your going to get a whole lot out of 10 blowhards in one hour. Just keep from imploding. Kasich and Carson seem most likely to run into a problem to me, but there will be so many attempts to monopolize the mic nobody’s going to be left hanging.for too long if they do screw up.

  11. We have a boil order here ,so I went and stocked up on beer.Any PORT in a storm!

    1. You didn’t need that excuse.

  12. Wait isn’t Thursday also the first Canadian election debate? Which will be more boring and lifeless?

    1. So,Moosehead then?

      1. Or Calgary. Actually Labatt’s isn’t all that bad for a light.

        1. I spent 2 weeks fisihing there with friends when I was 17,the others were 20-22.Got to really like Labatt’s 50.Lake Sydenham,caught lots of small mouth.Good times.

          1. Yeah, wife’s cuz married a canuck. Ton’s of Labatts at the wedding. They have a nice little place right on the St. Clair River.

            1. We had to take a boat arcoss all three lakes to Sydenham to the beer store.Had a dock ,just pulled in and would buy like 8 cases.We took three cases a person with our gear from Ohio ,but,that didn’t last long.Hell of a good time.

              1. sounds like it was. wish I was doing that this week instead of working:)

                1. I sharpened many skills there,jig fishing,boating,fish cleaning ,beer and whiskey dinking and cigar smoking.Called home once after 8 days.My parents were cool about it.Had to use a pay phone.This was 1978.No phone,tv ,radio.

                  1. That is sweet. I went camping up near Toronto for about a week early 70’s. Nothing as exciting as yours but was fun. Stopped and saw Niagara Falls on way back.

                    1. The falls are cool,so’s the fort.

                    2. Want to take the wife. Need to get my passport so I can go to both sides. Haven’t been north since they changed the rules.

    2. They have elections in Canada? I guess I knew, I just never cared.

      1. Don’t they still have the Queen of England on their currency? Or have they switched to the EU?

        1. we could ask Rob Ford to unroll one of his bills and check. After he’s done with his lines of course. Don’t want to be rude.

          1. John Tory is now mayor, you know of him, er…right?

            1. Ah, Red Tory. Still beats Chow, but that’s not saying much. Bonus points for getting progressives to flip the fuck out by saying white privilege doesn’t exist though.

            2. Rob Ford will forever be mayor in our hearts.

            3. Ahh, I just thought they deflated Rob Ford.

              1. Nope, he was diagnosed with cancer around election time. That’s why his brother ran instead of him.

                1. That’s too bad

    3. Uh, Canada obviously. We don’t have a Trump to goof things up. Hell, I’d rather listen to Trump than Trudeau, because at least Trump’s amusing, in a puppy-pissing-in-its-own-face way.

      1. Wait, the Doonesbury guy is running for president of Canada?

        1. I thought he was running for Queen. And how do you count ballots in metric?

    4. They elect a mayor in Canadia? I thought all of the guys just took a turn, like being the designated driver or something.

      1. Someone is clearly unfamiliar with Canadian history.

        This is a good start.

        1. Of course there is American history explained by Canadians. I didn’t know they were that smart.


  13. Does anyone know if this is going to be online, I’m a smug bastard who likes people to know that I don’t have “Television” and I really don’t want to miss this. Seriously, I’m not kidding at all.

    1. Everything about you is terrible.

      I do not have television either – aren’t we better than everyone else?

      1. Aren’t both of of you Tulpa? Or was everyone just joking about that?

        1. Wait, what!… I’ve been accused of being Tulpa? *sheds tear* I’ve finally been accepted!

          1. Calm, young weedhopper, it’s not over until you’ve been accused of being Bo. There’s still time for redemption.

            1. So you;re saying I need to work on my pedantry, straw-man construction, and goalpost relocation technique? Got it. Oh, and it’s “grass” not “weed” hopper.

          2. Warty accused me of being Tulpa and “playing nice” awhile back. Tulpa is like the commentariat version of the red scare.

            1. I was asked to name names and I named them!

              1. I keep a list of all the commenters who may be tulpa just in case. So far the only person who has shown any interest was some asshole from new York, but he didn’t seem to care who I thought was tulpa.

        2. Of course I am Tulpa! Everyone knows that.

          1. Will the real Tulpa please stand up.

            1. He IS standing!

            2. I’m seeing a Spartacus like “I am Tulpa” moment.

              However, instead of being uplifting, it breaks down into each of the supposed Tulpa’s fighting with each other about who really is Tulpa (as well as telling everyone that the Roman’s really are the good guys and they all deserve to be crucified for not accepting slavery for themselves).

    2. I also want this info

      1. Because you’re a smug-not-tv-owner?

        1. To be clear I have a television, I just do not have cable. So, I am better than you, I am just not that much better than you.

          1. Is it a combo VHS player TV? Youre already a hero of mine but that would seal it forever.

            1. Youre already a hero of mine but that would seal it forever

              You, the only person who considers me a hero, is going to be disappointed. You see, I have a plasma television that I purchased when I was not better than you. However, it is only 720p, which has to count for something.

              1. Why do you need 720 lines of resolution for VHS tapes?

                1. Because of the coming laserdisc revolution, obviously.

          2. So, I am better than you.

            My ass. I don’t have cable either. Got in a fight with fucking comcast about a year ago. Never again. I have video games, an Apple TV and rabbit ears (only for football).

            Can we just be better than everyone else for not having cable… Together?

            1. Yall are the worst libertarians ever. I have 5 televisions with DirecTV, and Dish Network as a backup just because Direct doesn’t have the longhorn network. Sure, I lost a few more orphans due to the extra time they spend down in the mines to pay for that subscription, but that is the kind of sacrifice I am willing to make for conspicuous consumption and privilege maintenance.

          3. everyone has “a” television. I don’t have “the” television, thus making me better, by pure grammar alone.

            1. My superiority exists solely by the fact that I can’t do grammar good.

              1. well-ly played sir, well-ly played

      2. Ask twice, see if that works

        1. The squirrels are biding their time

      3. How about radio? Or audio stream?

    3. Whats a-vision now?

  14. You know, all of these polls that have landed these candidates here were polls of registered Republican voters. These are people who watch Hannity and O’Reilly every fucking evening. So it’s no wonder that the results are what they are.

    You really think that if independents were included in these polls that Jeb Bush would be near the top and that Huckleberry would even be in in top 10?

    1. Huck is in the top 10? God dammit. I was actually getting excited.

      1. I was actually getting excited.

        Well, knock that off. Huck doesn’t like when people get excited; their private parts might get engorged, and he doesn’t approve of that sort of thing.

        1. It might lead to dancing.

        2. That hits closer to home than you might realize. I had a dude at a grade school dance tell me to “save room for Jesus” when I was in grade school. Huck is that dude.

          1. Did you tell him Jesus was on the other side of her because you guys were tag teaming that shit?

    2. You know, all of these polls that have landed these candidates here were polls of registered Republican voters. These are people who watch Hannity and O’Reilly every fucking evening. So it’s no wonder that the results are what they are.

      This. If Fox had used national polls of ‘likely’ voters – forget even registered ones much less registered Republicans – they would have a better roster, better progtard-critique armor, and a better show. Rare swing-and-a-miss for them tactically speaking.

      1. It isn’t a swing and a miss at all. They make money from attracting viewers, not from electing viable Republicans. In fact they tend to do better the more pissed-off Republicans are.

        The worst thing that could happen to their bottom line would be a Republican government with a happy Republican base supporting it.

        1. Meh, back in the Clinton years it was a popular meme that Rush Limbaugh would disappear from the airwaves if a Republican President were elected. Rush would have no one to beat up on and so no one would tune in. That prediction turned out to be completely wrong.

          In the same vein, FoxNews started kicking CNN’s ass in the ratings while George Bush was in office. FoxNews will do fine as long as the Left’s viewership is split between CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS and NBC. They don’t have much competition for 40% of the market, whereas the above 5 are slugging it out for the remaining 60%.

    3. Hyperion, it’s way early, even before any primaries, so it makes sense to not include independents at this point.

      1. Oh, ok, if you say so.

  15. Funny that the primetime crew is the Bush-league. Two predictions:

    1. Ratings will set record compared for debates at this stage of a prez-cycle; thanks Donald.

    2. Donald comes out of it accelerating through sixth gear in this race or completely out of it in Fiorina-Christie territory; the guy’s mouth is pure nitro, either he covers the 1/4 mile in sub-four seconds or throws a rod. There is no try.

    1. As long as it is a circus, why not bring in celebrities from Trump’s Apprentice show to ask questions?

      I’d fucking cough up hundreds if this was on PPV and Penn Jillette was allowed to be the moderator.

      And no joking, but would there really be any difference in having the cast of Celebrity Apprentice be asking questions instead of “professional” journalists?

    2. So he’s either first or he’s last?

  16. I’m pretty sure there’s some paint drying that evening.

  17. This arrangement wont last past the dress rehearsal. Think of all that torque, the stage will tip over. You can’t have fatty at the end. He needs to be in the middle or on one side all by himself.

    1. It would be awesome if one of the little guys like Ben Carson spontaneously started orbiting; gravitationally captured by the Christie system.

      1. You win the internet

      2. “Well, guess Carson is Christie’s VP candidate now.”


        “Because Carson can’t get the delta v to escape low Christie orbit.”

        1. He’ll burm up in reentry

          1. That’s why they have penicillin

          2. You can’t attempt a landing on Christie genius, his surface gravity is like four times that of Earth. Any mortal man will be crushed by his own weight.

        2. “Think, Ben, think.” Dr Carson has recited this mantra since the fourth grade. He pats himself down. Keys, a thumb drive his staff gave him at his last last photo-op. Ah! He finds the scalpel. He knows his orbit is decaying (someday he will eventually crash into the Governor’s belly and that will be be the end of him). He’s been out of arm’s reach from his girth since he was catapulted into this crazy orbit? he assumed it, of course. Empiricism be damned if means even a fast grazing touch of the Governor’s belly button. He wasn’t a rocket scientist (he was a brain surgeon, doggone it!) but he learned some rudiments of orbital mechanics in undergrad pre-med physics. Gravity assist. Could he do it? He stretched out his hand as far as he could. He felt the Governor’s belly hairs trip across his outstretched fingers. He could do it. But he’d have to time it exquisitely. He palmed his scalpel, ready for the next revolution.

          He drove it in, passing fast across the Governor’s belly. He was losing velocity fast as he cut open the Governor, but crossed his finger hope the explosion of the Governor’s guts could carry him to escape velocity.

  18. Here’s a simple one. Ought to get you drunk though.


  19. Well, besides us glibertarians, the only people watching this will be those who watch Hannity and O’Reilly every night and whose biggest worries are the local Walmart running out of adult depends.

    Seriously, this is a fucking joke. The entire thing has FoxNews trying to control the narrative written all over it.

    Trump is up to something that he’s not been caught at yet. He’s either working for the Dems or the GOP establishment to fuck up chances for anyone outside of Jeb, or like I’ve said before, he’s just bored and wants some attention. But outside of the geriatric FoxNews crowd, he has very little support. He’ll be gone from the scene soon. I suspect that at some point he’ll put on a spectacle about running third party when it’s apparent he’s not getting the GOP nomination, but he’ll be a non-factor.

      1. ugh didn’t mean to post that. Not sure if I can blame squirrels or my own stupidity.

        Anyway, I was going to say that it really does seem like FoxNews is trying to control it. They should at least be promoting an online stream if they don’t want to appear beholden to old people.

        1. I’m on my thrid port so I just don’t care .

          1. You mean 3rd porter as in beer, or 3rd bottle of port? If it’s the latter, I’m impressed that you’re still typing, let alone care.

            1. porter,some port would be good thoughI need a nap

  20. But who will save our jobs from the robots? Idiots never learn.


    1. No one is saving us from the robots, no matter how many luddites I have to exterminate.

    2. A shot gun a rifle and a 4 wheel drive will save you

    3. That article is entirely fucking retarded. Unless the author is talking about prostitutes. Those jobs are safer for now. But the most robot proof jobs are high tech jobs, which are mostly held by …. drum roll …. men.

      It’s like the retarded fucking article I read a couple days ago about the Latinazation of the USA and how this will be bad for whitey. Really? Like Latins and Whites don’t intermarry. People who write absurd shit like this are retarded. It’s almost like they’re progressives.

      1. Yeah, history has proven them wrong again and again and again. Why can’t they get it?

        1. Because it feels right as long as you don’t think about it. And they don’t spend any time thinking. About anything. They’re too busy emoting.

          1. Why do these white progressives from upper middle / upper class all white neighborhoods, sheltered and spoiled all of their life and privileged to attend the most expensive and prestigious universities on the planet, constantly fantasize about the demise of their own race and culture? They really hate themselves that much? There is something seriously fucking wrong with these people.

            1. They imagine life without technology to be romantic and idealistic. Peacefully living off the land without a care in the world. Sustainable, no pollution, everything is fresh and local, everyone works together like good communists. No hunger, no disease, no want, no conflict. It’s Eden. Because it feels good to think of life that way.

              Never mind no deodorant, no antibiotics, no quick transportation, horse shit in the road, flies everywhere, no refrigeration, no media, and so on and so forth.

              Like I said, they don’t think. That’s what’s wrong with them. They only emote. They feel. They completely waste that rational part of the brain that separates them from mere animals. I mean, when it comes down to it, they’ll lie and cheat and steal to get what they want, just like animals, rather than use their minds to create things of value. They’re not even human beings. They’re human animals.

              1. They’re grabassing pieces of amphibian shit.

    4. Why are robots not allowed to have jobs? Who will speak for them?

      1. I dread the day when my daughter brings home a robot boyfriend for dinner.

        Do I serve him regular people food or dump a pile of batteries on his plate? Would he find that offensive?

        1. Your daughter has quite the collection of C batteries. Don’t ask me how I know this.

  21. I think I’ll skip the debate and listen to the highlights on my drive to work the following morning.

    1. Listen to the highlights from where? FoxNews? You know it’s not nice when you have to puke while driving?

      1. There’s a local morning radio show that isn’t entirely terrible. I usually listen to that, bounce to NPR during the commercials, and flip to college radio for music when I get sick of the bullshit.

        1. I seem to myself be cursed by this afternoon commute thing when I get stuck in heavy traffic and I’ve been flipping through the radio stations and it seems like when the traffic gets too intense to spare any attention from, next thing I know, It’s on NPR and I’m listening to these idiots again.

          1. The magic of no commercials. See if there are any college stations in your area. They’re totally hit or miss, but when they hit they do it well.

            1. For example, my favorite station (WMPG, I listen to it on my iPhone at work with the Public Radio app) has some really wacky shit. They’ve got a heavily accented dude who plays crazy music from Mother Russia. A sweet little old lady who plays wild Mediterranean music, and her sub plays Persian pop. Great station. If you’re sick of the same old bullshit music, try college radio. I love it.

              1. If you are listening to radio over the internet, give WEVL from Memphis a chance. It is community radio.

                It is basically local people who come in and do shows on some crazy genre of music that they love. I learned a ton about zydeco music from some guy there.


            2. Then again they also play Democracy Now, which is totally leftist bullshit that makes NPR seem centrist. Like I said, it’s hit or miss.

            3. Oh, and they’ve got a blues show at 5PM EST every day. Great stuff.

            4. Another station, WBOR, is great when the semester ends. Seniors take turns playing DJ for twenty four hours at a time. It’s great. They get totally loopy towards the end of their shift. And the music is usually good as well.

              1. Totally loopy towards the end of 24 hrs.? You should’ve heard Glen Jones as he approached 100 hrs. Then again, that record’s been broken a few times since; maybe I should listen to those DJs’ archived shows, if they’re available.

            5. There’s a couple of good rock stations here in Balmer that I listen to, but fucking commercials… you know, like you said, makes you swith the station, which seems to eventually lead to stuck in traffic and ugh, NPR.

  22. Damn. I’ll have to hurry through my exam to enjoy the festivities here.

  23. Obama to Democrats: Watch the GOP debate please


    He also suggests talking points for your drinking game

    “I’m gonna bet that they’ll all promise to repeal the Affordable Care Act,” Mr. Obama says in the email. “They’ll all tell us that even though they aren’t scientists, we shouldn’t believe in the science behind climate change. They’ll all want to reverse course on immigration reform and marriage equality. “

  24. I might watch. It depends on what Megyn is wearing.

    1. I won’t watch because I can’t, because I do not have television, because I am better than you. However, I do agree that she is a pretty lady, and if I did have a television I would watch just to leer at her leg sheen.

      1. Do you have one of those screen thingies with intertoobs?

      2. Better than me? I have a 70″ LED. You can’t be better than me.

        1. Can be. I have 3 3D 144hz gsync monitors for my puter intertbooz thingy device.

          Although, my 60″ 3D 240hz tv thingy might be inferior to your bigger one….

          1. 3D? I ain’t wearing no glasses.

            The beauty lies within the system that powers my TV.

    2. That’s funny, I’m talking to a buddy right now who’s son is working up there helping get things ready for the debate. He just mentioned how his son likes it when he gets a chance to talk to Megyn. I said, yeah I bet he does! I would too:)

      1. Actually he just sent me a picture of her and his son at the 2012 GOP Convention. Lucky dog.

        1. Dog ain’t lucky unless he gets to bury his bone. Let us know when that happens with Megyn.

          1. Yeah, in his dreams:)

  25. Just in: In a rare moment of Party loyalty, each candidate will have their hair done in the manner of another candidate. I’m hoping Trump gets matched with Carson.

    1. Hukclebee and Paul

      1. Those two will adopt each other’s manscaping. Huck with a Brazilian gets the soccer mom vote.

        1. why. just why straffinrun.

          1. Don’t imagine a purple alligator. Don’t imagine the shower drain after Huck’s trim. Control is the key.

            1. Thank God for eyebleach.com:)

              1. I go with Youjizz.com. It’s a fountain of resources.

    2. Carly and Jeb.

    1. Is that neo-romanesque architecture? Wow!

    2. So was he actually hatched today or is this his “earth birthday”?

      1. Not sure. I know it involves a horse, somehow.

        1. of course

        2. I’m surprised it isn’t a tractor with a visage focused on the middle distance:

    3. Now that needs a trigger warning. Planned Parenthood should make today half price in his honor.

      1. Planned Parenthood should make today half price in his honor.

        Half price of a handout is the same thing. Much more Barry-ish for Planned Parenthood to book double the actual cost, then have the court Jew move it on balance sheet to the government-subsidy shtick (read: their PAC) and bill taxpayer.

        That’s a Barry birthday.

        1. Does PP actually not charge anything or is there some kind of means testing? I really don’t know.

    4. Katy Williams Happy Birthday Mr . Wonderful President # Obama .[crown emoticon]. The president is born .Now this is # Mr. Wonderful not the one on # Shark Tank.


  26. Insta-poll: Which format would be more entertaining for the Republican debate:

    Hollywood Squares or The Match Game?

    1. Gladiator Colosseum Death Match

      1. They could call it Hunger Games for the ratings. Also, that might get Christie to show up if he think there’ll be food.

        1. I really am shaking my head that Christie made it on the panel at all. Trump has the backing of a vacuous electorate obsessed with the glib quote-unquote outsider, Jeb is the money-man, Huckabee’s the socon huckster, but Christie’s presence has no excuse. Trump is less of a clown than Christie.

          1. I wanted to make a joke about Christie doing the right thing and giving up his seat to Carly… and the second seat to Perry, because Christie is a fat fuck.

            Then I remembered there are no seats at the debate, which is a shame for me.

    1. I love kitties.

  27. OT:
    Article in the WSJ regarding why the nukes were a good idea; first of many nuke articles this week, I’m sure.
    Anyhow, comments are largely supportive with a sprinkling of discredited bullshit (‘they were ready to surrender!’, etc)
    But the ones I find interesting are the ones which accept that the bombs saved both US and Japanese lives, but STILL claim the use was barbarous!
    None proposes an alternative, and outside of Tony’s suggestion that the US simply turn around and leave (surrender?), they were blockade or invasion.
    So those who are griping find starvation or battle wound deaths preferable to bomb deaths? And many, many more of them besides!
    Here’s the link, but it’s subscription:

    1. I would’ve preferred we nuke Edo Castle but Hiroshima and Nagasaki worked out just fine. The Nips were drilling battalions of schoolgirls armed with pointed sticks and ama pearl divers with limpet mines. Atomic bombs saved lives, far more of theirs than ours but an invasion would’ve made Okinawa look like a walk in the park

      1. “I would’ve preferred we nuke Edo Castle…”

        I think it was a stroke of genius to keep Hirohito alive. If not, it might have taken years to defeat the various garrisons spread over China and SE Asia.
        Not sure how the Japanese public would have reacted if he were tried as a war criminal after the surrender; in the event, he became MacArthur’s puppet.
        Frank, in “Downfall”, grants him slight sympathy.

  28. makes users psychotic while giving them superhuman strength.

    “Psychotic is what we were after, superhuman strength is just gravy”

    1. I like how Bratton had to get in his point about marijuana legalization, as though if marijuana becomes illegal everyone will be taking their clothes off and acting like maniacs.

      Additionally, I understand that having a wild, naked, violent person on the street would require more than one or two officers, and I appreciate that dealing with someone like that would be dangerous, and I also appreciate that they are recording it event, but there is like ten guys there. If five cannot handle it, what makes them think ten can? Spice makes a person into the Hulk?

      1. These people need to be taught the difference between illegal and enforceable. Marijuana use is against the law but it’s also basically unenforceable, which makes it essentially legal already. The fact that it’s so harmless in light of being persistent and pervasive means that any concern about the sweeping ills of decriminalization were long ago rendered moot.

        And then those people need to be beaten like Sergeant Pyle.

  29. *breathless*

    OK, I’m late – whud I miss??!!

    1. We learned that I am better than everyone, including you.

    2. american socialist is still retarded.

  30. Is this the debate where they have to suck up to david Koch or no. Rand Paul is number 8? Uh oh, maybe we all better get behind Jeb bush as the great anti-trump hope.

    1. Well, we already had the debate where you were declared a hopeless retard. And the science is settled.

    2. “Is this the debate where they have to suck up to david Koch or no. Rand Paul is number 8? Uh oh, maybe we all better get behind Jeb bush as the great anti-trump hope.”

      When do you suck Clinton’s private parts, or is that privileged information?
      I mean a fucking idjit like you is more than willing to support a felon, right?

      1. If I backslide into considering to vote for a Clinton I’ll let you know. It depends on how openly sexist and misogynistic her Republican candidate gets and how repulsive i find it. I give it a 50/50 shot.

        1. american socialist|8.5.15 @ 12:31AM|#
          ‘If I backslide into considering to vote for a Clinton I’ll let you know.”
          Suck lefty ass, twit.

        2. In other words you’re mediated not by any sort of intellectual virtue but purely by identity feels. You’re a pretty typical Democrat voter.

        3. “I give it a 50/50 shot.”

          I’ll give it a 90% chance that you’ll pull the lever for the Democratic Presidential candidate, regardless of who wins the nomination for any of the parties.

  31. Are libertopians becoming more popular? No, you know what I mean, are our values and ideas growing in popularity? I mean, are we, who identify with this philosophy growing in numbers? I have recently been contemplating the logic behind how to determine this. I suspect sometimes that it is true. But unlike cosmotarian pie in the sky libertarian moment Reason writers, I am not having a hopey hopiest day dream of my fondest wishes that we are having a ‘libertarian moment’.

    No, really, I’m being serious here.

    It seems at the same time that there are more libertarians and that it doesn’t really matter in the greater sea of political shit that we are drowning in.

  32. A pox on all except Rubio, Paul, and Kasich.

  33. OT – Fashion magazine does an article about how a woman can get an afro. The article uses a white model.

    Social media reacts with its customary restraint.


    1. Excellent trolling from Allure.

      1. Jezebel weighs in with a thoughtful, carefully-considered reflection on the – sorry, I couldn’t keep a straight face.


        1. But, hey, Bob Ross did it!

  34. Apparently FOX broke its own rule and took the 6 latest polls and then excluded one, NBS-WSJ, on some basis I can’t decipher and that they seem to have just made up, the consequence of which was to exclude Rick Perry over an apparent 1+ point deficit instead of a 0.8 point one.

    Not sure I am totally on board with the claim that anyone left off the first debate is effectively dead, or the idea that Iowa caucuses are any more legitimate a way to winnow the field.

    1. OK, who wants to comment on Tony’s post, and who wants to comment on my afro post above?

      1. Kulturkampf is way more lulzworthy than nerd politics.

      2. What if you cared about things that actually matter?

        1. We do, Tony, which is why you are held in such contempt.
          An ant, a roach, perhaps a fruit-fly. Nothing more.

        2. Like which of nearly two score wannabe executive functionaries get to appear on the stage in the principle half of one debate hosted by one news network? Do we differ on what’s important or are you obsessed much with conservatives?

    2. FOX wanted local ‘hero’ Kasich, and thusly made some rule changes.

  35. And now, those Japanese who survived the nuke bombs claim special expertise to force Japan into unreliable and expensive energy sources:
    “Now, Hoshino, a survivor of the Aug. 6, 1945, U.S. atomic bombing of Hiroshima, is among the majority of Japanese who oppose Prime Minister Shinzo Abe’s plan to reboot reactors taken offline after the Fukushima disaster.”
    Yep, someone who was nuke-bombed and is 87 is really a source to opposed nuke energy, since he’s only lived 10 years past the average life span. Damn those nukes!
    Why, I’ll bet we could find a octogenarian to oppose chem explosives, since s/he survived the London Blitz!

  36. the fucking spacetimes of alleys left broke on a million geek pianos should key a new dungeon of deep space Beyond but…

  37. orange winds
    blue winds
    creep wands
    and kill winds poured as icicle pussies
    on shit ,mouths eat ;like dicks and pussies.

  38. a million words died on a sunless stack of orgasms
    and I love enb

  39. Google pay 97$ per hour my last pay check was $8500 working 1o hours a week online. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I tried it out.
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