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Politics

Here Are the 10 Republican Presidential Candidates Who Will Compete in the First GOP Debate

Fox News releases list of candidates who qualify for Thursday's prime time primary showdown.

Peter Suderman | 8.4.2015 6:30 PM

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On Thursday night, Fox News will host the first GOP primary debate, featuring 10 of the 17 candidates running for the Republican party's presidential nomination. The remaining candidates will compete in a second-tier debate at 5 p.m.

Fox News announced earlier this summer that the 10 candidates allowed into the main event would be the top 10 as judged by an average most recent high-quality national polls, meaning that Internet-based polls and state-based surveys won't count. What this has meant is that up until today, it's not been entirely clear which candidates would make the cut for the 9 p.m. face off.

But now the final set of polls are in, and Fox has made the names and placement on the stage official.

Here's the full list:

  1. Donald Trump
  2. Jeb Bush
  3. Scott Walker
  4. Mike Huckabee
  5. Ben Carson
  6. Ted Cruz
  7. Marco Rubio
  8. Rand Paul
  9. Chris Christie
  10. John Kasich

The candidates will be arranged on stage according to their rank in the polls, with Trump, Bush, Walker, and Huckabee at the center. Here's more or less how it will look: 

Via ComfortablySmug Twitter/Fox News Channel

(Graphic via Comfortably Smug's Twitter feed/Fox News.)

This list is about what's been expected for the last week or so, with Ohio Gov. John Kasich the only candidate who was really in any doubt (and for the last few days, Kasich's place has been pretty secure).

Kasich, who has a bit of momentum, edged out Texas Gov. Rick Perry for the final slot, which is a bit of a disappointment since Perry, who stumbled memorably in one 2012 debate, has been running a genuinely interesting campaign, delivering worthwhile speeches on financial reform and race and economic opportunity. He's also been the most aggressive anti-Trump voice in the Republican field, even challenging the billionaire mogul to a, um, pull-up contest. Which, sure, might not make America great again, but would at least do wonders for my Thursday night viewing. 

Sadly, we won't get to see Trump and Perry face off this Thursday—although there are still plenty more debates to come between now and March 2016—so we'll just have to content ourselves with seeing how everyone else reacts to Trump's presence. 

Start your day with Reason. Get a daily brief of the most important stories and trends every weekday morning when you subscribe to Reason Roundup.

This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

NEXT: Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog Split, Robert Conquest Dies, Which Republicans Made the Cut? P.M. Links

Peter Suderman is features editor at Reason.

PoliticsElection 2016DebatesRepublican PartyDonald TrumpRick PerryJohn Kasich
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  1. Hyperion   10 years ago

    RethugiKKKan KKKlown KKKar!!!!

  2. MikeP   10 years ago

    I sit with Mitt.

    1. Ein Barde und ein Holzhacker   10 years ago

      or hump with Trump

  3. Francisco d'Anconia   10 years ago

    TRUMP!
    TRUMP!
    TRUMP!
    TRUMP!
    TRUMP!
    TRUMP!

  4. Francisco d'Anconia   10 years ago

    Wait...where is Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho?

    1. Francisco d'Anconia   10 years ago

      Oh, wait, there he is. #1.

      1. JPyrate   10 years ago

        Elektrolytes. It's what plants crave !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      2. John Titor   10 years ago

        People keep making this comparison, but it's horribly unfair. To Camacho. Camacho seems to be pretty pro-immigration (based on his names alone). Camacho's failures have to do with his state-managed agricultural programs.

        1. Mrs. Lemuel Struthers   10 years ago

          ^This. Agriculture subsidies are what plants crave.

          1. Pl?ya Manhattan.   10 years ago

            It certainly made Mountain Dew accessible to me during the high school years.

  5. Ken Shultz   10 years ago

    I understand that Christie has the Constitutional right to speak; I guess I just don't understand why anyone would listen to him.

    Also, the whole Republican field is likely to take a hit in the polls for being in the same screenshot with The Donald.

    There's probably a battle going on right now over who has to stand at at the podiums next to his, and who get to stand at a podium that's completely out of his frame.

    1. brady949   10 years ago

      "I understand that Christie has the Constitutional right to speak; I guess I just don't understand why anyone would listen to him."

      Pretty much how I feel about Rubio. I think he's just a bad combover and some 1980s talking points made with Mad Libs.

      1. WoodchipperPatriarch   10 years ago

        This. I don't understand why anyone outside his immediate family would actually support him.

    2. fleshy wavefunction   10 years ago

      Also, the whole Republican field is likely to take a hit in the polls for being in the same screenshot with The Donald.

      The Donald sure doesn't seem to. Like it or not, people love his arrogance. The GOP field would do well to follow his lead, at least in going after the media.

      1. Dan Bongard   10 years ago

        "Like it or not, people love his arrogance"

        The bar for "love" is awfully low if polling at 26% qualifies you.

    3. Hyperion   10 years ago

      The good news is that after hearing him speak, everyone who doesn't already hate his fat ass guts, will afterwards.

    4. Jerryskids   10 years ago

      Is Christie going to be in the Democratic candidates' debate also? And will that be hosted by HSN or by QVC? Wait, what's the channel that shows nothing but crappy old re-runs?

      1. NotAnotherSkippy   10 years ago

        CNN.

      2. Rhywun   10 years ago

        "MeTV" - except it's awesome old re-runs.

        1. SIV   10 years ago

          I'm addicted to their Saturday Night lineup. Batman, Wonder Woman, Star Trek TOS Season #3, and Svengoolie.

          1. Rhywun   10 years ago

            I'm DVR'ing Hart to Hart every Monday night.... Shut up.

  6. Paul.   10 years ago

    Meh.

  7. Q-chips   10 years ago

    Until that Gilmore dude showed up, there were 16 candidates. We could have done brackets! Won't somebody please think of the gambling!

    1. HazelMeade   10 years ago

      Shit, that's a great idea. Have a series of one-on-one 10-15 minute debates between pairs of candidates. Winners debate each other until you get to the championship.
      That would be awesome.

      1. John Titor   10 years ago

        Shit, that's a great idea. Have a series of one-on-one 10-15 minute debates between pairs of candidates.

        Donald Trump, go home and be a family man!

    2. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

      Easy - Trump gets a bye.

      1. Raven Nation   10 years ago

        All the way to the championship?

        1. Hyperion   10 years ago

          Just hope he's not caught deflating any balls.

      2. Q-chips   10 years ago

        Admit it, Crusty, you want to see Trump wrecked with by Santorum.

    3. Chevy the Mulched   10 years ago

      Gilmore is clearly going to have to win the play-in game against Santorum in order for this bracket thing to work.

  8. Winston   10 years ago

    ComfortablySmug Twitter

    As opposed to?

    1. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

      Instantaneous vulgar and racist twitter?

      1. fleshy wavefunction   10 years ago

        Super hardcore rainbow flag when you never gave a fuck twitter.

  9. HazelMeade   10 years ago

    Oh dear god, it's starting already....

    *sigh* well at least this will make the polls slightly less name-recognition oriented.

    1. Mrs. Lemuel Struthers   10 years ago

      Hazel, In another thread there was talk that you are actually a dude. I don't believe this because your "voice" is too feminine. Care to clarify? Ignore if not.

      1. John Titor   10 years ago

        Don't trust her Hazel, a couple of people told her their age and now she's stapled them to a bunch of race car beds.

        1. Mrs. Lemuel Struthers   10 years ago

          Shush now, John. *Guides John over to the potty, reminds him to flush, gives him a drink of water and walks him back to his crib.*

          1. John Titor   10 years ago

            I NEED AN ADULT.

      2. The Bearded Hobbit   10 years ago

        She linked a photo of herself quite some time back.

        ... Hobbit

      3. Irish ?s ESB   10 years ago

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMV8btPW4wU

        ^ This is me after a hard day's work at the business factory.

        1. Irish ?s ESB   10 years ago

          That was supposed to be in response to the posts about me being a small child. This is why my mommy doesn't let me on the internet.

        2. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

          That is exactly how I imagined you.

          1. Irish ?s ESB   10 years ago

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nE8U2W0LyhQ

            This is actually more like me.

            1. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

              LOL:)

            2. Warty   10 years ago

              SUCK A DICK DUMBSHITS

  10. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

    Obama is no good
    Obamacare is no good
    Strong national defense
    Hearing Christie boo'd.
    Marriage is between a man and a woman.
    Iran is bad.
    Jews are cool.

    1. Mrs. Lemuel Struthers   10 years ago

      The pot is dangerous
      Abortion is bad
      *All* lives matter

      1. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

        The pot thing will be interesting. If they get up there and start talking about how much we need the war on drugs, they are toast (and not golden, delicious, buttery toast either; they are burned toast).

      2. fleshy wavefunction   10 years ago

        Do all lives not matter?

        1. waffles   10 years ago

          Shut your face hole shitlord!

      3. lap83   10 years ago

        "The pot is dangerous"

        because it called the kettle black and black kettle lives matter?

        1. Mrs. Lemuel Struthers   10 years ago

          Not sure, but am sure that #potbelliedpiglivesmatter

    2. NYer   10 years ago

      Rand Paul is an isolationist
      Benghazi!
      Strong Family Values
      Hillary Clinton Emails
      I believe in states rights, but...

  11. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

    I don't think your going to get a whole lot out of 10 blowhards in one hour. Just keep from imploding. Kasich and Carson seem most likely to run into a problem to me, but there will be so many attempts to monopolize the mic nobody's going to be left hanging.for too long if they do screw up.

  12. Adans smith   10 years ago

    We have a boil order here ,so I went and stocked up on beer.Any PORT in a storm!

    1. Pl?ya Manhattan.   10 years ago

      You didn't need that excuse.

  13. Winston   10 years ago

    Wait isn't Thursday also the first Canadian election debate? Which will be more boring and lifeless?

    1. Adans smith   10 years ago

      So,Moosehead then?

      1. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

        Or Calgary. Actually Labatt's isn't all that bad for a light.

        1. Adans smith   10 years ago

          I spent 2 weeks fisihing there with friends when I was 17,the others were 20-22.Got to really like Labatt's 50.Lake Sydenham,caught lots of small mouth.Good times.

          1. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

            Yeah, wife's cuz married a canuck. Ton's of Labatts at the wedding. They have a nice little place right on the St. Clair River.

            1. Adans smith   10 years ago

              We had to take a boat arcoss all three lakes to Sydenham to the beer store.Had a dock ,just pulled in and would buy like 8 cases.We took three cases a person with our gear from Ohio ,but,that didn't last long.Hell of a good time.

              1. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

                sounds like it was. wish I was doing that this week instead of working:)

                1. Adans smith   10 years ago

                  I sharpened many skills there,jig fishing,boating,fish cleaning ,beer and whiskey dinking and cigar smoking.Called home once after 8 days.My parents were cool about it.Had to use a pay phone.This was 1978.No phone,tv ,radio.

                  1. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

                    That is sweet. I went camping up near Toronto for about a week early 70's. Nothing as exciting as yours but was fun. Stopped and saw Niagara Falls on way back.

                    1. Adans smith   10 years ago

                      The falls are cool,so's the fort.

                    2. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

                      Want to take the wife. Need to get my passport so I can go to both sides. Haven't been north since they changed the rules.

    2. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

      They have elections in Canada? I guess I knew, I just never cared.

      1. fleshy wavefunction   10 years ago

        Don't they still have the Queen of England on their currency? Or have they switched to the EU?

        1. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

          we could ask Rob Ford to unroll one of his bills and check. After he's done with his lines of course. Don't want to be rude.

          1. Winston   10 years ago

            John Tory is now mayor, you know of him, er...right?

            1. John Titor   10 years ago

              Ah, Red Tory. Still beats Chow, but that's not saying much. Bonus points for getting progressives to flip the fuck out by saying white privilege doesn't exist though.

            2. Pan Zagloba   10 years ago

              Rob Ford will forever be mayor in our hearts.

            3. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

              Ahh, I just thought they deflated Rob Ford.

              1. John Titor   10 years ago

                Nope, he was diagnosed with cancer around election time. That's why his brother ran instead of him.

                1. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

                  That's too bad

    3. John Titor   10 years ago

      Uh, Canada obviously. We don't have a Trump to goof things up. Hell, I'd rather listen to Trump than Trudeau, because at least Trump's amusing, in a puppy-pissing-in-its-own-face way.

      1. WoodchipperPatriarch   10 years ago

        Wait, the Doonesbury guy is running for president of Canada?

        1. JWatts   10 years ago

          I thought he was running for Queen. And how do you count ballots in metric?

    4. Jerryskids   10 years ago

      They elect a mayor in Canadia? I thought all of the guys just took a turn, like being the designated driver or something.

      1. John Titor   10 years ago

        Someone is clearly unfamiliar with Canadian history.

        This is a good start.

        1. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

          Of course there is American history explained by Canadians. I didn't know they were that smart.

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xg9HzGH7nj0

        2. Jerryskids   10 years ago

          I know more about Canadiander history than you might think.

  14. The Hyperbole   10 years ago

    Does anyone know if this is going to be online, I'm a smug bastard who likes people to know that I don't have "Television" and I really don't want to miss this. Seriously, I'm not kidding at all.

    1. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

      Everything about you is terrible.

      I do not have television either - aren't we better than everyone else?

      1. Hyperion   10 years ago

        Aren't both of of you Tulpa? Or was everyone just joking about that?

        1. The Hyperbole   10 years ago

          Wait, what!... I've been accused of being Tulpa? *sheds tear* I've finally been accepted!

          1. Hyperion   10 years ago

            Calm, young weedhopper, it's not over until you've been accused of being Bo. There's still time for redemption.

            1. The Hyperbole   10 years ago

              So you;re saying I need to work on my pedantry, straw-man construction, and goalpost relocation technique? Got it. Oh, and it's "grass" not "weed" hopper.

          2. fleshy wavefunction   10 years ago

            Warty accused me of being Tulpa and "playing nice" awhile back. Tulpa is like the commentariat version of the red scare.

            1. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

              I was asked to name names and I named them!

              1. WoodchipperPatriarch   10 years ago

                I keep a list of all the commenters who may be tulpa just in case. So far the only person who has shown any interest was some asshole from new York, but he didn't seem to care who I thought was tulpa.

        2. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

          Of course I am Tulpa! Everyone knows that.

          1. Hyperion   10 years ago

            Will the real Tulpa please stand up.

            1. Sevo   10 years ago

              He IS standing!

              1. Pl?ya Manhattan.   10 years ago

                *holds up mirror*

            2. Pope Jimbo   10 years ago

              I'm seeing a Spartacus like "I am Tulpa" moment.

              However, instead of being uplifting, it breaks down into each of the supposed Tulpa's fighting with each other about who really is Tulpa (as well as telling everyone that the Roman's really are the good guys and they all deserve to be crucified for not accepting slavery for themselves).

    2. lap83   10 years ago

      I also want this info

      1. fleshy wavefunction   10 years ago

        Because you're a smug-not-tv-owner?

        1. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

          To be clear I have a television, I just do not have cable. So, I am better than you, I am just not that much better than you.

          1. Slammer   10 years ago

            Is it a combo VHS player TV? Youre already a hero of mine but that would seal it forever.

            1. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

              Youre already a hero of mine but that would seal it forever

              You, the only person who considers me a hero, is going to be disappointed. You see, I have a plasma television that I purchased when I was not better than you. However, it is only 720p, which has to count for something.

              1. Pl?ya Manhattan.   10 years ago

                Why do you need 720 lines of resolution for VHS tapes?

                1. WoodchipperPatriarch   10 years ago

                  Because of the coming laserdisc revolution, obviously.

          2. fleshy wavefunction   10 years ago

            So, I am better than you.

            My ass. I don't have cable either. Got in a fight with fucking comcast about a year ago. Never again. I have video games, an Apple TV and rabbit ears (only for football).

            Can we just be better than everyone else for not having cable... Together?

            1. WoodchipperPatriarch   10 years ago

              Yall are the worst libertarians ever. I have 5 televisions with DirecTV, and Dish Network as a backup just because Direct doesn't have the longhorn network. Sure, I lost a few more orphans due to the extra time they spend down in the mines to pay for that subscription, but that is the kind of sacrifice I am willing to make for conspicuous consumption and privilege maintenance.

          3. The Hyperbole   10 years ago

            everyone has "a" television. I don't have "the" television, thus making me better, by pure grammar alone.

            1. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

              My superiority exists solely by the fact that I can't do grammar good.

              1. The Hyperbole   10 years ago

                well-ly played sir, well-ly played

      2. Slammer   10 years ago

        Ask twice, see if that works

        1. lap83   10 years ago

          The squirrels are biding their time

      3. Robert   10 years ago

        How about radio? Or audio stream?

    3. *GILMORE*   10 years ago

      Whats a-vision now?

  15. Hyperion   10 years ago

    You know, all of these polls that have landed these candidates here were polls of registered Republican voters. These are people who watch Hannity and O'Reilly every fucking evening. So it's no wonder that the results are what they are.

    You really think that if independents were included in these polls that Jeb Bush would be near the top and that Huckleberry would even be in in top 10?

    1. fleshy wavefunction   10 years ago

      Huck is in the top 10? God dammit. I was actually getting excited.

      1. Mrs. Lemuel Struthers   10 years ago

        I was actually getting excited.

        Well, knock that off. Huck doesn't like when people get excited; their private parts might get engorged, and he doesn't approve of that sort of thing.

        1. Slammer   10 years ago

          It might lead to dancing.

        2. fleshy wavefunction   10 years ago

          That hits closer to home than you might realize. I had a dude at a grade school dance tell me to "save room for Jesus" when I was in grade school. Huck is that dude.

          1. Chevy the Mulched   10 years ago

            Did you tell him Jesus was on the other side of her because you guys were tag teaming that shit?

    2. TheZeitgeist   10 years ago

      You know, all of these polls that have landed these candidates here were polls of registered Republican voters. These are people who watch Hannity and O'Reilly every fucking evening. So it's no wonder that the results are what they are.

      This. If Fox had used national polls of 'likely' voters - forget even registered ones much less registered Republicans - they would have a better roster, better progtard-critique armor, and a better show. Rare swing-and-a-miss for them tactically speaking.

      1. Dan Bongard   10 years ago

        It isn't a swing and a miss at all. They make money from attracting viewers, not from electing viable Republicans. In fact they tend to do better the more pissed-off Republicans are.

        The worst thing that could happen to their bottom line would be a Republican government with a happy Republican base supporting it.

        1. JWatts   10 years ago

          Meh, back in the Clinton years it was a popular meme that Rush Limbaugh would disappear from the airwaves if a Republican President were elected. Rush would have no one to beat up on and so no one would tune in. That prediction turned out to be completely wrong.

          In the same vein, FoxNews started kicking CNN's ass in the ratings while George Bush was in office. FoxNews will do fine as long as the Left's viewership is split between CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS and NBC. They don't have much competition for 40% of the market, whereas the above 5 are slugging it out for the remaining 60%.

    3. PapayaSF   10 years ago

      Hyperion, it's way early, even before any primaries, so it makes sense to not include independents at this point.

      1. Hyperion   10 years ago

        Oh, ok, if you say so.

  16. TheZeitgeist   10 years ago

    Funny that the primetime crew is the Bush-league. Two predictions:

    1. Ratings will set record compared for debates at this stage of a prez-cycle; thanks Donald.

    2. Donald comes out of it accelerating through sixth gear in this race or completely out of it in Fiorina-Christie territory; the guy's mouth is pure nitro, either he covers the 1/4 mile in sub-four seconds or throws a rod. There is no try.

    1. Pope Jimbo   10 years ago

      As long as it is a circus, why not bring in celebrities from Trump's Apprentice show to ask questions?

      I'd fucking cough up hundreds if this was on PPV and Penn Jillette was allowed to be the moderator.

      And no joking, but would there really be any difference in having the cast of Celebrity Apprentice be asking questions instead of "professional" journalists?

    2. WoodchipperPatriarch   10 years ago

      So he's either first or he's last?

  17. Sevo   10 years ago

    I'm pretty sure there's some paint drying that evening.

    1. cavalier973   10 years ago

      What color?

  18. blink   10 years ago

    This arrangement wont last past the dress rehearsal. Think of all that torque, the stage will tip over. You can't have fatty at the end. He needs to be in the middle or on one side all by himself.

    1. TheZeitgeist   10 years ago

      It would be awesome if one of the little guys like Ben Carson spontaneously started orbiting; gravitationally captured by the Christie system.

      1. Slammer   10 years ago

        You win the internet

      2. John Titor   10 years ago

        "Well, guess Carson is Christie's VP candidate now."

        "Why?"

        "Because Carson can't get the delta v to escape low Christie orbit."

        1. Adans smith   10 years ago

          He'll burm up in reentry

          1. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

            That's why they have penicillin

          2. John Titor   10 years ago

            You can't attempt a landing on Christie genius, his surface gravity is like four times that of Earth. Any mortal man will be crushed by his own weight.

        2. Q-chips   10 years ago

          "Think, Ben, think." Dr Carson has recited this mantra since the fourth grade. He pats himself down. Keys, a thumb drive his staff gave him at his last last photo-op. Ah! He finds the scalpel. He knows his orbit is decaying (someday he will eventually crash into the Governor's belly and that will be be the end of him). He's been out of arm's reach from his girth since he was catapulted into this crazy orbit? he assumed it, of course. Empiricism be damned if means even a fast grazing touch of the Governor's belly button. He wasn't a rocket scientist (he was a brain surgeon, doggone it!) but he learned some rudiments of orbital mechanics in undergrad pre-med physics. Gravity assist. Could he do it? He stretched out his hand as far as he could. He felt the Governor's belly hairs trip across his outstretched fingers. He could do it. But he'd have to time it exquisitely. He palmed his scalpel, ready for the next revolution.

          He drove it in, passing fast across the Governor's belly. He was losing velocity fast as he cut open the Governor, but crossed his finger hope the explosion of the Governor's guts could carry him to escape velocity.

  19. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

    Here's a simple one. Ought to get you drunk though.

    http://www.debatedrinking.com/

  20. Hyperion   10 years ago

    Well, besides us glibertarians, the only people watching this will be those who watch Hannity and O'Reilly every night and whose biggest worries are the local Walmart running out of adult depends.

    Seriously, this is a fucking joke. The entire thing has FoxNews trying to control the narrative written all over it.

    Trump is up to something that he's not been caught at yet. He's either working for the Dems or the GOP establishment to fuck up chances for anyone outside of Jeb, or like I've said before, he's just bored and wants some attention. But outside of the geriatric FoxNews crowd, he has very little support. He'll be gone from the scene soon. I suspect that at some point he'll put on a spectacle about running third party when it's apparent he's not getting the GOP nomination, but he'll be a non-factor.

    1. lap83   10 years ago

      Same

      1. lap83   10 years ago

        ugh didn't mean to post that. Not sure if I can blame squirrels or my own stupidity.

        Anyway, I was going to say that it really does seem like FoxNews is trying to control it. They should at least be promoting an online stream if they don't want to appear beholden to old people.

        1. Adans smith   10 years ago

          I'm on my thrid port so I just don't care .

          1. Hyperion   10 years ago

            You mean 3rd porter as in beer, or 3rd bottle of port? If it's the latter, I'm impressed that you're still typing, let alone care.

            1. Adans smith   10 years ago

              porter,some port would be good thoughI need a nap

  21. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

    But who will save our jobs from the robots? Idiots never learn.

    http://www.theatlantic.com/bus.....on/400364/

    1. Hyperion   10 years ago

      No one is saving us from the robots, no matter how many luddites I have to exterminate.

    2. Adans smith   10 years ago

      A shot gun a rifle and a 4 wheel drive will save you

    3. Hyperion   10 years ago

      That article is entirely fucking retarded. Unless the author is talking about prostitutes. Those jobs are safer for now. But the most robot proof jobs are high tech jobs, which are mostly held by .... drum roll .... men.

      It's like the retarded fucking article I read a couple days ago about the Latinazation of the USA and how this will be bad for whitey. Really? Like Latins and Whites don't intermarry. People who write absurd shit like this are retarded. It's almost like they're progressives.

      1. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

        Yeah, history has proven them wrong again and again and again. Why can't they get it?

        1. sarcasmic   10 years ago

          Because it feels right as long as you don't think about it. And they don't spend any time thinking. About anything. They're too busy emoting.

          1. Hyperion   10 years ago

            Why do these white progressives from upper middle / upper class all white neighborhoods, sheltered and spoiled all of their life and privileged to attend the most expensive and prestigious universities on the planet, constantly fantasize about the demise of their own race and culture? They really hate themselves that much? There is something seriously fucking wrong with these people.

            1. sarcasmic   10 years ago

              They imagine life without technology to be romantic and idealistic. Peacefully living off the land without a care in the world. Sustainable, no pollution, everything is fresh and local, everyone works together like good communists. No hunger, no disease, no want, no conflict. It's Eden. Because it feels good to think of life that way.

              Never mind no deodorant, no antibiotics, no quick transportation, horse shit in the road, flies everywhere, no refrigeration, no media, and so on and so forth.

              Like I said, they don't think. That's what's wrong with them. They only emote. They feel. They completely waste that rational part of the brain that separates them from mere animals. I mean, when it comes down to it, they'll lie and cheat and steal to get what they want, just like animals, rather than use their minds to create things of value. They're not even human beings. They're human animals.

              1. gaoxiaen   10 years ago

                They're grabassing pieces of amphibian shit.

    4. lap83   10 years ago

      Why are robots not allowed to have jobs? Who will speak for them?

      1. cavalier973   10 years ago

        I dread the day when my daughter brings home a robot boyfriend for dinner.

        Do I serve him regular people food or dump a pile of batteries on his plate? Would he find that offensive?

        1. Old Man With Candy   10 years ago

          Your daughter has quite the collection of C batteries. Don't ask me how I know this.

  22. sarcasmic   10 years ago

    I think I'll skip the debate and listen to the highlights on my drive to work the following morning.

    1. Hyperion   10 years ago

      Listen to the highlights from where? FoxNews? You know it's not nice when you have to puke while driving?

      1. sarcasmic   10 years ago

        There's a local morning radio show that isn't entirely terrible. I usually listen to that, bounce to NPR during the commercials, and flip to college radio for music when I get sick of the bullshit.

        1. Hyperion   10 years ago

          I seem to myself be cursed by this afternoon commute thing when I get stuck in heavy traffic and I've been flipping through the radio stations and it seems like when the traffic gets too intense to spare any attention from, next thing I know, It's on NPR and I'm listening to these idiots again.

          1. sarcasmic   10 years ago

            The magic of no commercials. See if there are any college stations in your area. They're totally hit or miss, but when they hit they do it well.

            1. sarcasmic   10 years ago

              For example, my favorite station (WMPG, I listen to it on my iPhone at work with the Public Radio app) has some really wacky shit. They've got a heavily accented dude who plays crazy music from Mother Russia. A sweet little old lady who plays wild Mediterranean music, and her sub plays Persian pop. Great station. If you're sick of the same old bullshit music, try college radio. I love it.

              1. Pope Jimbo   10 years ago

                If you are listening to radio over the internet, give WEVL from Memphis a chance. It is community radio.

                It is basically local people who come in and do shows on some crazy genre of music that they love. I learned a ton about zydeco music from some guy there.

                http://www.wevl.org/

            2. sarcasmic   10 years ago

              Then again they also play Democracy Now, which is totally leftist bullshit that makes NPR seem centrist. Like I said, it's hit or miss.

            3. sarcasmic   10 years ago

              Oh, and they've got a blues show at 5PM EST every day. Great stuff.

            4. sarcasmic   10 years ago

              Another station, WBOR, is great when the semester ends. Seniors take turns playing DJ for twenty four hours at a time. It's great. They get totally loopy towards the end of their shift. And the music is usually good as well.

              1. Robert   10 years ago

                Totally loopy towards the end of 24 hrs.? You should've heard Glen Jones as he approached 100 hrs. Then again, that record's been broken a few times since; maybe I should listen to those DJs' archived shows, if they're available.

            5. Hyperion   10 years ago

              There's a couple of good rock stations here in Balmer that I listen to, but fucking commercials... you know, like you said, makes you swith the station, which seems to eventually lead to stuck in traffic and ugh, NPR.

  23. commodious spittoon   10 years ago

    Damn. I'll have to hurry through my exam to enjoy the festivities here.

  24. lap83   10 years ago

    Obama to Democrats: Watch the GOP debate please

    http://blogs.wsj.com/washwire/.....te-please/

    He also suggests talking points for your drinking game

    "I'm gonna bet that they'll all promise to repeal the Affordable Care Act," Mr. Obama says in the email. "They'll all tell us that even though they aren't scientists, we shouldn't believe in the science behind climate change. They'll all want to reverse course on immigration reform and marriage equality. "

  25. Slammer   10 years ago

    I might watch. It depends on what Megyn is wearing.

    1. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

      I won't watch because I can't, because I do not have television, because I am better than you. However, I do agree that she is a pretty lady, and if I did have a television I would watch just to leer at her leg sheen.

      1. Hyperion   10 years ago

        Do you have one of those screen thingies with intertoobs?

      2. Pl?ya Manhattan.   10 years ago

        Better than me? I have a 70" LED. You can't be better than me.

        1. Hyperion   10 years ago

          Can be. I have 3 3D 144hz gsync monitors for my puter intertbooz thingy device.

          Although, my 60" 3D 240hz tv thingy might be inferior to your bigger one....

          1. Pl?ya Manhattan.   10 years ago

            3D? I ain't wearing no glasses.

            The beauty lies within the system that powers my TV.

    2. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

      That's funny, I'm talking to a buddy right now who's son is working up there helping get things ready for the debate. He just mentioned how his son likes it when he gets a chance to talk to Megyn. I said, yeah I bet he does! I would too:)

      1. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

        Actually he just sent me a picture of her and his son at the 2012 GOP Convention. Lucky dog.

        1. TheZeitgeist   10 years ago

          Dog ain't lucky unless he gets to bury his bone. Let us know when that happens with Megyn.

          1. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

            Yeah, in his dreams:)

  26. straffinrun   10 years ago

    Just in: In a rare moment of Party loyalty, each candidate will have their hair done in the manner of another candidate. I'm hoping Trump gets matched with Carson.

    1. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

      Hukclebee and Paul

      1. straffinrun   10 years ago

        Those two will adopt each other's manscaping. Huck with a Brazilian gets the soccer mom vote.

        1. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

          why. just why straffinrun.

          1. straffinrun   10 years ago

            Don't imagine a purple alligator. Don't imagine the shower drain after Huck's trim. Control is the key.

            1. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

              Thank God for eyebleach.com:)

              1. straffinrun   10 years ago

                I go with Youjizz.com. It's a fountain of resources.

    2. Q-chips   10 years ago

      Carly and Jeb.

  27. Pl?ya Manhattan.   10 years ago

    Totally not a cult.

    1. Q-chips   10 years ago

      Is that neo-romanesque architecture? Wow!

    2. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

      So was he actually hatched today or is this his "earth birthday"?

      1. Pl?ya Manhattan.   10 years ago

        Not sure. I know it involves a horse, somehow.

        1. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

          of course

        2. Sevo   10 years ago

          I'm surprised it isn't a tractor with a visage focused on the middle distance:
          http://www.bing.com/images/sea.....ajaxhist=0

    3. straffinrun   10 years ago

      Now that needs a trigger warning. Planned Parenthood should make today half price in his honor.

      1. TheZeitgeist   10 years ago

        Planned Parenthood should make today half price in his honor.

        Half price of a handout is the same thing. Much more Barry-ish for Planned Parenthood to book double the actual cost, then have the court Jew move it on balance sheet to the government-subsidy shtick (read: their PAC) and bill taxpayer.

        That's a Barry birthday.

        1. straffinrun   10 years ago

          Does PP actually not charge anything or is there some kind of means testing? I really don't know.

    4. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

      Sploosh.

    5. 0x90   10 years ago

      Katy Williams Happy Birthday Mr . Wonderful President # Obama .[crown emoticon]. The president is born .Now this is # Mr. Wonderful not the one on # Shark Tank.

      wtf.

  28. Grand Moff Serious Man   10 years ago

    Insta-poll: Which format would be more entertaining for the Republican debate:

    Hollywood Squares or The Match Game?

    1. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

      Gladiator Colosseum Death Match

      1. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

        They could call it Hunger Games for the ratings. Also, that might get Christie to show up if he think there'll be food.

        1. commodious spittoon   10 years ago

          I really am shaking my head that Christie made it on the panel at all. Trump has the backing of a vacuous electorate obsessed with the glib quote-unquote outsider, Jeb is the money-man, Huckabee's the socon huckster, but Christie's presence has no excuse. Trump is less of a clown than Christie.

          1. commodious spittoon   10 years ago

            I wanted to make a joke about Christie doing the right thing and giving up his seat to Carly... and the second seat to Perry, because Christie is a fat fuck.

            Then I remembered there are no seats at the debate, which is a shame for me.

  29. Q-chips   10 years ago

    Cat video.

    1. Hyperion   10 years ago

      I love kitties.

  30. Sevo   10 years ago

    OT:
    Article in the WSJ regarding why the nukes were a good idea; first of many nuke articles this week, I'm sure.
    Anyhow, comments are largely supportive with a sprinkling of discredited bullshit ('they were ready to surrender!', etc)
    But the ones I find interesting are the ones which accept that the bombs saved both US and Japanese lives, but STILL claim the use was barbarous!
    None proposes an alternative, and outside of Tony's suggestion that the US simply turn around and leave (surrender?), they were blockade or invasion.
    So those who are griping find starvation or battle wound deaths preferable to bomb deaths? And many, many more of them besides!
    Here's the link, but it's subscription:
    http://www.wsj.com/articles/th.....2045372421

    1. SIV   10 years ago

      I would've preferred we nuke Edo Castle but Hiroshima and Nagasaki worked out just fine. The Nips were drilling battalions of schoolgirls armed with pointed sticks and ama pearl divers with limpet mines. Atomic bombs saved lives, far more of theirs than ours but an invasion would've made Okinawa look like a walk in the park

      1. Sevo   10 years ago

        "I would've preferred we nuke Edo Castle..."

        I think it was a stroke of genius to keep Hirohito alive. If not, it might have taken years to defeat the various garrisons spread over China and SE Asia.
        Not sure how the Japanese public would have reacted if he were tried as a war criminal after the surrender; in the event, he became MacArthur's puppet.
        Frank, in "Downfall", grants him slight sympathy.

  31. SIV   10 years ago

    makes users psychotic while giving them superhuman strength.

    "Psychotic is what we were after, superhuman strength is just gravy"

    1. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

      I like how Bratton had to get in his point about marijuana legalization, as though if marijuana becomes illegal everyone will be taking their clothes off and acting like maniacs.

      Additionally, I understand that having a wild, naked, violent person on the street would require more than one or two officers, and I appreciate that dealing with someone like that would be dangerous, and I also appreciate that they are recording it event, but there is like ten guys there. If five cannot handle it, what makes them think ten can? Spice makes a person into the Hulk?

      1. commodious spittoon   10 years ago

        These people need to be taught the difference between illegal and enforceable. Marijuana use is against the law but it's also basically unenforceable, which makes it essentially legal already. The fact that it's so harmless in light of being persistent and pervasive means that any concern about the sweeping ills of decriminalization were long ago rendered moot.

        And then those people need to be beaten like Sergeant Pyle.

  32. Almanian - Trump's Woodchipper   10 years ago

    *breathless*

    OK, I'm late - whud I miss??!!

    1. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

      We learned that I am better than everyone, including you.

    2. Hyperion   10 years ago

      american socialist is still retarded.

  33. american socialist   10 years ago

    Is this the debate where they have to suck up to david Koch or no. Rand Paul is number 8? Uh oh, maybe we all better get behind Jeb bush as the great anti-trump hope.

    1. Hyperion   10 years ago

      Well, we already had the debate where you were declared a hopeless retard. And the science is settled.

    2. Sevo   10 years ago

      "Is this the debate where they have to suck up to david Koch or no. Rand Paul is number 8? Uh oh, maybe we all better get behind Jeb bush as the great anti-trump hope."

      When do you suck Clinton's private parts, or is that privileged information?
      I mean a fucking idjit like you is more than willing to support a felon, right?

      1. american socialist   10 years ago

        If I backslide into considering to vote for a Clinton I'll let you know. It depends on how openly sexist and misogynistic her Republican candidate gets and how repulsive i find it. I give it a 50/50 shot.

        1. Sevo   10 years ago

          american socialist|8.5.15 @ 12:31AM|#
          'If I backslide into considering to vote for a Clinton I'll let you know."
          Suck lefty ass, twit.

        2. commodious spittoon   10 years ago

          In other words you're mediated not by any sort of intellectual virtue but purely by identity feels. You're a pretty typical Democrat voter.

        3. JWatts   10 years ago

          "I give it a 50/50 shot."

          I'll give it a 90% chance that you'll pull the lever for the Democratic Presidential candidate, regardless of who wins the nomination for any of the parties.

  34. Hyperion   10 years ago

    Are libertopians becoming more popular? No, you know what I mean, are our values and ideas growing in popularity? I mean, are we, who identify with this philosophy growing in numbers? I have recently been contemplating the logic behind how to determine this. I suspect sometimes that it is true. But unlike cosmotarian pie in the sky libertarian moment Reason writers, I am not having a hopey hopiest day dream of my fondest wishes that we are having a 'libertarian moment'.

    No, really, I'm being serious here.

    It seems at the same time that there are more libertarians and that it doesn't really matter in the greater sea of political shit that we are drowning in.

  35. William Pilgrim   10 years ago

    A pox on all except Rubio, Paul, and Kasich.

  36. Notorious G.K.C.   10 years ago

    OT - Fashion magazine does an article about how a woman can get an afro. The article uses a white model.

    Social media reacts with its customary restraint.

    http://www.ijreview.com/2015/0.....ign=buffer

    1. Rhywun   10 years ago

      Excellent trolling from Allure.

      1. Notorious G.K.C.   10 years ago

        Jezebel weighs in with a thoughtful, carefully-considered reflection on the - sorry, I couldn't keep a straight face.

        http://jezebel.com/allure-stup.....1721865867

        1. Notorious G.K.C.   10 years ago

          But, hey, Bob Ross did it!

  37. Tony   10 years ago

    Apparently FOX broke its own rule and took the 6 latest polls and then excluded one, NBS-WSJ, on some basis I can't decipher and that they seem to have just made up, the consequence of which was to exclude Rick Perry over an apparent 1+ point deficit instead of a 0.8 point one.

    Not sure I am totally on board with the claim that anyone left off the first debate is effectively dead, or the idea that Iowa caucuses are any more legitimate a way to winnow the field.

    1. Notorious G.K.C.   10 years ago

      OK, who wants to comment on Tony's post, and who wants to comment on my afro post above?

      1. Rhywun   10 years ago

        Kulturkampf is way more lulzworthy than nerd politics.

      2. Tony   10 years ago

        What if you cared about things that actually matter?

        1. Sevo   10 years ago

          We do, Tony, which is why you are held in such contempt.
          An ant, a roach, perhaps a fruit-fly. Nothing more.

        2. commodious spittoon   10 years ago

          Like which of nearly two score wannabe executive functionaries get to appear on the stage in the principle half of one debate hosted by one news network? Do we differ on what's important or are you obsessed much with conservatives?

    2. BigT   10 years ago

      FOX wanted local 'hero' Kasich, and thusly made some rule changes.

  38. Sevo   10 years ago

    And now, those Japanese who survived the nuke bombs claim special expertise to force Japan into unreliable and expensive energy sources:
    "Now, Hoshino, a survivor of the Aug. 6, 1945, U.S. atomic bombing of Hiroshima, is among the majority of Japanese who oppose Prime Minister Shinzo Abe's plan to reboot reactors taken offline after the Fukushima disaster."
    http://www.japantoday.com/cate.....iew-of-war
    Yep, someone who was nuke-bombed and is 87 is really a source to opposed nuke energy, since he's only lived 10 years past the average life span. Damn those nukes!
    Why, I'll bet we could find a octogenarian to oppose chem explosives, since s/he survived the London Blitz!

  39. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

    the fucking spacetimes of alleys left broke on a million geek pianos should key a new dungeon of deep space Beyond but...

  40. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

    orange winds
    blue winds
    creep wands
    and kill winds poured as icicle pussies
    on shit ,mouths eat ;like dicks and pussies.

  41. Agile Cyborg   10 years ago

    a million words died on a sunless stack of orgasms
    and I love enb

  42. vuyipayih   10 years ago

    Google pay 97$ per hour my last pay check was $8500 working 1o hours a week online. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I tried it out.
    This is wha- I do...... ?????? http://www.online-jobs9.com

  43. thelma567   10 years ago

    Start making cash right now... Get more time with your family by doing jobs that only require for you to have a computer and an internet access and you can have that at your home. Start bringing up to $8596 a month. I've started this job and I've never been happier and now I am sharing it with you, so you can try it too. You can check it out here...
    http://www.jobnet10.com

  44. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

    Planned Parenthood counts as two words, that's two drinks.

  45. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

    Of course there will be the immigration, I'm not a racist but, or my grandparents were immigrants but, or my best friend is Mexican but statements.

  46. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

    Obamacare, take back the country, I pledge allegiance to Israel, Rand Paul is crazy,

  47. Hyperion   10 years ago

    It's ok, your liver still has two days to live.

  48. Pl?ya Manhattan.   10 years ago

    I have a Sculpin Grapefruit sixer in front of me, but I'm going to finish it regardless.

  49. Jerryskids   10 years ago

    Okay, this is Fox - let's make this some real entertainment. You've got a panel of judges who award points to the various contestants, the top performers get a bye to move into the next round but the rest have to compete to see who moves on and who moves out. Now I know from some of the reality TV shows that people will do all sorts of degrading nonsense just for the chance at 15 minutes of fame and a few bucks or whatever they get from being on a TV show, can you imagine just how much degradation these people would willingly swallow just for the chance of getting a chance to become President? Forget eating a pig's ass - these people would eat the ass out of a live pig. And grin for the cameras while they do it. Forget pugil-stick fighting over a pool of water, bring on the chain saw duel over an open septic tank. Race up the side of a mud pile and grab a flag? No, race up the side of a mud pile and jerk off a midget in a clown suit. Can you imagine the ratings such a TV show would get? Hell, we could have a presidential election every year and we'd have our pick of a hundred candidates if Fox would just sign them up for their latest hit show, "How Much Shit Would You Eat?". And then maybe the American public would understand exactly what sort of people we've got running for public office. Shit-eating baboons without an ounce of shame or scruples.

  50. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

    That's a triple right there.

  51. JWatts   10 years ago

    Or who would clean your toilet, Mr. Trump?

  52. Hyperion   10 years ago

    I totally don't know what that is, but I totally support your right to put it into your own body.

  53. SoCal Deathmarch   10 years ago

    I think I mentioned this to you in another thread, pick up some Ale Smith IPA. You will not be disappointed. Available at your nearest BevMo.

  54. Chipper Chipping Rodrigue   10 years ago

    That stuff is $17 for a sixpack here, and totally worth it.

  55. Crusty Juggler   10 years ago

    It is what would happen if Zeus climbed down Mt. Olympus, made his way to California, consumed a few grapefruits, unfurled his majestic scepter and urinated into a large, empty beer tank.

  56. Pl?ya Manhattan.   10 years ago

    http://www.beeradvocate.com/be.....199/89174/

  57. Hyperion   10 years ago

    Sounds about right.

  58. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

    Yeah, I hate Rubio though. Neocon.

  59. Q-chips   10 years ago

    Cock her with Walker.

  60. Pl?ya Manhattan.   10 years ago

    I got one at Costco 3 weeks ago. It, uh, made it into the lineup in such a way that I don't remember much about it...

    I assume it was good, or I would have rejected it...

  61. Pl?ya Manhattan.   10 years ago

    An then somebody added hops and BA gave it a 99 score.

  62. MikeP   10 years ago

    Pillory with Hillary.

  63. Q-chips   10 years ago

    Twinks for Linc.

  64. *GILMORE*   10 years ago

    Fer fucks sake man, neocons were jewish intellectual liberals...cold war.....israel..... wilsonianism....commentary mag........gggghhhhhaaaaaggg!!

    yeah he's a neocon, whatevs

  65. AlmightyJB   10 years ago

    I'm done with the Pax Americana bullshit. We don't need it. The world doesn't need it.

  66. Suellington   10 years ago

    Anderson Valley Holy Gose is a tremendous summer beer.

  67. Mopar_Smith   10 years ago

    Your more than welcome to with your own money, that's the beautiful part of individual freedom.

  68. Chipper Morning Wood   10 years ago

    Imma be, Imma be, Disagreeing with Huckabee

  69. Scottzilla   10 years ago

    A miss universe runner up?

  70. Scottzilla   10 years ago

    A miss universe runner up?

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