U.S. Authorizes Air Strikes in Syria, Obama to Announce New Emissions Regulations, Hitchhiking Robot Trip Ends in Philadelphia: A.M. Links

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  • hitchBOT

    The U.S. promised air cover for the rebels it trained in Syria if they are pursued by government forces.

  • Two attacks by Israeli extremists, the arson of a Palestinian home in the West Bank, in which a toddler was burned to death, and the stabbing of a 16-year-old girl at a gay pride parade in Jersualem, led to new security measures. Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said he would have "zero tolerance" for extremists.
  • President Obama will announce new emissions and other environmental regulations aimed at climate change, which are expected to help shape the 2016 presidential campaign.
  • A top aide for the late Beau Biden has joined a Super PAC supporting a putative Joe Biden presidential run. Bernie Sanders responded to a possible Biden run, saying he was "very fond" of the vice president but believed the American people wanted someone who went "beyond conventional establishment politics." The campaign of Hillary Clinton, meanwhile, is spending $2 million dollars on its first TV ads, which will run in Iowa and New Hampshire and focus on Clinton's late mother.
  • A second American, this time a doctor from Pittsburgh, has been accused of illegally killing a lion in Zimbabwe.
  • The Canadian prime minister, Stephen Harper, dissolved parliament, triggering a round of national elections.
  • The hitchhiking robot hitchBOT's hitchhiking trip to San Francisco ended in Philadelphia, where it was vandalized beyond repair. Its trip began in Boston.
  • Liberal culture commentators would like Caitlyn Jenner to check her privilege in her new reality show, I Am Cait.

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  1. The U.S. promised air cover for the rebels it trained in Syria if they are pursued by government forces.

    As long as they don’t fly the rebel flag.

    1. Aren’t the Syrian rebels also know as ISIS?

      1. There are dozens of different groups.

        1. Yeah, what could possibly go wrong?

        2. They’re all assholes, have no doubt.

        3. All of which, will eventually be part of ISIS.

        4. Yeah, like al Nusra. And al Qaeda.

      2. Some of them, yes.

    2. So we’re fighting against ISIS in Iraq, and with them in Syria? What an absolute clusterfuck.

      1. Please. That’s why we refer to them as ISI*L*.

        1. So first we helped them organize and get up and running in Iraq to fight shiites, but now they’re the enemy there. Meanwhile, they are our allies in Syria, but we also must spy on everyone to make sure none of them cause trouble over here. Makes perfect sense!

          And people wonder why I’m such an isolationist who proposes trading with everyone but otherwise leaving them the fuck alone. Yeah, and I’m the crazy one. Riiiight.

          1. If only leaders, at the founding of the country, had warned against getting involved in the World’s affairs! Nice going dead white guys….

            In all seriousness, what would the world be like if the US had simply stayed out of WWI. Probably no WW2, no jerry rigged Middle East, somewhat of a stretch but a very different Russia. Perhaps no Communist China. No Viet Nam, No Korea etc etc etc. All conjecture to be sure, and that alternate universe could have turned out worse, I suppose, but giving England and France the blank check to do as they pleased against the losers was only because the US tipped the balance. Instead of settlement between weakened countries equally exhausted by war, certain parties got enforce their will disproportionately.

            I’m certainly not saying that there would have been peace and joy otherwise – there would have been the continuation of battles over resources and territories during and after, but that there would not have been nearly as clear “winners” of WWI and very different world, hopefully one where the US isn’t the policeman. I’m sure there would have been other wars with other countries etc etc, but hopefully, on average a better world.

            Oh well, spilt milk…

            1. Sykes-Picot was worked out well, well before the US ever got involved in WWI, and likely was decided before real hostilities even began.

      2. Block Yomomma is only pretending to be fighting against them in Iraq.

        He loves these guys, and wants to see their ilk take over the entire region.

        1. Really?

        2. Block Yomomma

          I don’t get this at all. Is this an attempt at humor?

          1. Don’t you get it? “Block Yomomma” sounds sort of like “Barack Obama” (who is a secret Muslim, by the way, for real) if you are retarded!

      3. We have always been at war with Eastasia.

    3. Hello.

      ‘The Canadian prime minister, Stephen Harper, dissolved parliament, triggering a round of national elections.’

      I bet Americans bet they could pull a neat magic trick like that.

      1. did you read that on wingnut.com?

        1. Are you as developmentally retarded as your tendencies indicate?

          1. All signs point to Yes /Magic 8 Ball

          2. That was stupid even for him. I should just put my trust in reasonable and leave it hidden, but sometimes curiosity gets the better of me.

      2. Are there any political movements in Canada sufficiently libertarian to nominate Rand Paul-esque candidates for notable public office? Forgive my ignorance, but I was curious.

        1. Yes. There is a Libertarian Party of Canada which helps get libertarian candidates on the ballot in many, but by no means all, ridings (i.e., voting districts). Can’t say the L’s capture a large percentage of the vote, however. Maybe someday.

        2. Nope.

          Maybe the other Canadians around here know one but I don’t.

          The current Cons are basically neo-cons and socially conservative. The Liberals are basically soft left-wing with a dash of corporate demi-glaze, while the NDP are, well…/shakes head and walks away.

          Beyond that you have the Greens. Enough said there and small parties with not enough juice to get their names on ballots across the country.

          Canada has a libertarian party but it just hasn’t cut into the mainstream. We’re years behind the U.S. on trying to get it going.

          https://www.libertarian.ca/

          1. Sorry. Let me amend. To ‘nominate’ a candidate yes there is. As noted, the LP. But hopes of getting into the big party Rand Paul style is a lot harder because of the make-up of the two main parties at the moment.

            1. It still seems infinitely better than, say, Britain, where the choices are all negligibly variant shades of leftism.

              1. I think Tim Moen was interviewed on The Independents once.

            2. But why even “hope to get into the big party?” Why play along with those idiots at all? Better to educate dumb voters so they find out there is an alternative to Canadian Bush, and Obama-lite.

              1. What good is educating them? So they can more definitively say, “This is what I don’t want.”?

                1. Unless they are illogical idiots, educating them is more likely to make them say, “This is what I want.”

                  The other choices out there are all either about feelz only, are intellectually dishonest, or both.

      3. It would require Boehner to be Head of Government for that trick to work.

  2. President Obama will announce new emissions and other environmental regulations aimed at climate change…

    Professor Penphone strikes again.

    1. I like how they have dropped all pretense that only the legislature can pass regulations, in accordance to the Constitution.

    2. President Obama will announce new emissions and other environmental regulations aimed at climate change…

      This is going to include limits on CO2 emissions coming out of Air Force One.

      Haha! Just kidding!

    3. The executive branch is not empowered by supreme law to author laws. Why is there no outcry for this petty tyrant to be impeached for his crimes?

      1. Why is there no outcry for this petty tyrant to be impeached for his crimes?

        Because that would be racist.

        1. And macroaggressive.

        2. And this is exactly what the USA has come to.

          And somehow I thought we were supposed to get “Idiocracy – The Musical” before actually launching into its full political rendition. Silly me.

      2. And going back in time, legislatures creating their own law would have appeared dubious too. Statutory law in general is no less arbitrary than executive orders.

        1. Yes. And no.

          Statutory law (in common law countries) has , *traditionally*, supposed to be more about codifying already existing common law traditions, sure. But never completely.

          And one huge difference here is that the form our government takes provides for the *legislature* to do that arbitrary making of law/regulation thing and, *technically*, they are not supposed to abrogate that authority to executive agencies.

          But they have, long ago.

          Even then, this should really mean that the senior officers of a particular executive agency can make regulation necessary to carry out their assigned functions – but not the President.

          But, as always, power-mongers gotta monger. So the Pres, as head of the Executive, figures that since he’s the boss of these guys he can tell them to make regulation.

          *None* of this shit would be happening if we didn’t have this idea drummed into us that the President is a ‘leader’, let alone the ‘leader of the free world’ and instead accepted that while the three branches are co-equal, its the *Legislative* (not Executive) that is (and should be) the ‘leader’ of the USA while the Executive is just the implementer of policy and the *most junior* of the three branches, expected to defer to *them*.

          1. Statutory law has always been about expanding arbitrary power. The occasional codification of common and customary laws notwithstanding.

      3. He will use the EPA. The EPA already has all the law it needs now that the Supreme Court has concluded that CO2 is a criteria pollutant.

  3. Sorority’s souvenir booklet causes big delays at Hobby Airport

    “We had a large group with a large number of bags to be checked and because of a certain item in those bags there was additional screening necessary,” said Bill Begley with Hobby Airport.

    A spokesman for the airport says the sorority members were apparently given thick booklets at the convention that could be mistaken for explosives when packed into checked bags. The booklets forced TSA officials to hand check most of the luggage.

    “Our souvenir booklet, apparently it’s too thick and because of all the colored photos in it, it appears to look like some sort of plastic explosive,” Tomes said.

    That slowed down the process for hundreds of passengers.

    1. The well known terror attack group…sororities!

      I hope the TSA officials all went home and typed up resignation letters.

      1. AYFKM? They all got *promotions*.

        And not the good kind where the useless ones get taken out back and shot, but the ones where they get moved to positions with more influence.

    2. “Our souvenir booklet, apparently it’s too thick and because of all the colored photos in it, it appears to look like some sort of plastic explosive.”

      *** face napalm ***

      1. +1 Sisterhood of the Traveling IEDs

    3. “Sorority’s souvenir booklet causes big delays”

      Really? The booklets were holding up the lines examining themselves?

      “The booklets forced TSA officials to hand check most of the luggage.”

      Forced? The booklets reached out and forced the agents to hand-check them?

      1. Yes, just like your luggage forces the TSA to open it and steal stuff.

        1. “Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.”

        2. And your junk forces the TSA to grab it.

    4. Unnecessary wastage of people’s time is the TSA’s trademark. They’re a farce beyond redemption.

      1. The TSA has caught exactly 0 terrorists. They have however, had about 400 TSA agents arrested for theft.

        1. At a cost of 7.3 billion dollars [link], or a little over 5 times the budget of the ATF. So, the dollars per terrorist stopped is, lets see … divide, drop the 3, repeat … should we at least be happy the TSA is not actively providing guns to the terrorists as part of their budget?

  4. Giant snails still terrorizing Florida despite massive expenditures

    Four years after the first African giant snails appeared in Miami, they’ve spread to the suburbs and there seems to be no stopping them.

    Though massive, with the largest yet recorded around seven inches long, the snails disappear underground where they stay undetected for months at a time. During the warm and wet hurricane season they rise to feed.

    The ravenous gastropods can consume up to 500 different species of Floridian flora and have even been known to suck the stucco off of houses.

      1. Like the Python, it’s an import.

        They why is harder to grasp, as people apparently were going to eat them.

    1. Do they make good escargot?

      1. “good escargot” is a contradiction in terms.

        1. Well, you have to chase it with a mountain oyster.

          1. Don’t forget the chitlins and menudo while you’re scarfing down foods that are disgusting once you know what they’re made of.

        2. Huh, I bet you don’t like jumbo shrimp, either.

      2. iirc, They were brought into the US illegally because they are a delicacy.

    2. even been known to suck the stucco off of houses.

      “Darling!”

      1. “Florida man requires surgery to remove African Giant Snail from penis.”

        1. “Florida man charged with sexual molluskation”

          1. boo

          2. These are vicious lies!!!
            *Hides penis bandage from view*

            1. The fact that you can come into a public place and realize that you need to take *active* measures to hide your penis bandage says a whole lot about Florida.

          3. Yay!!

    3. They’re gonna need more garlic.

  5. The hitchhiking robot hitchBOT’s hitchhiking trip to San Francisco ended in Philadelphia, where it was vandalized beyond repair.

    It probably looked around Philthadelphia and took its own life.

    1. *OBSERVATIONS OF FILTHADELPHIA COMPLETE*
      *INITIATING SELF DESTRUCT*

    2. Are you doubting the theory that Philadelphians vandalized something? What if they thought it was a roboSanta?

      1. Its builtin camera probably made Philly cops feel unsafe and it resisted arrest.

    3. What makes you think hitchBot wasn’t a forward scout in the coming Robotocalypse? We did you a favor taking him out, how about some gratitude America?

      1. We’re wearing black armbands today.

        1. #CyborgLivesMatter

  6. A second American, this time a doctor from Pittsburgh, has been accused of illegally killing a lion in Zimbabwe.

    I’ve seen people accuse The Killing of lyin about revealing the killer by the end of season 1 and it got a 2nd season.

  7. The Canadian prime minister, Stephen Harper, dissolved parliament, triggering a round of national elections.

    Trigger warning?

    Did he dissolve them in prussic acid or muratic acid?

  8. New at Reason.com:

    TKTKT

    Big, if true.

  9. Growing signs Schumer will oppose Iran deal

    More than 10,000 phone calls have flooded his office line the past two weeks, organized by a group looking to kill the deal. Another group has dropped seven figures on TV in New York City to pressure Schumer and other lawmakers to vote against the plan. The powerful American Israel Public Affairs Committee has put its muscle behind an effort to lobby the New Yorker against it.

    And Dov Hikind, a state assemblyman from Brooklyn, was arrested for disorderly conduct while protesting the deal outside Schumer’s office.

    People who have spoken with the senior New York senator believe the pressure campaign is having an effect: They say there is a growing sense inside and outside the Capitol that Schumer will vote against the deal when the Senate considers it in September. The bigger question many have now is this: How hard will he push against it?

  10. Liberal culture commentators would like Caitlyn Jenner to check her privilege in her new reality show…

    When Identity Politics Collide.

    1. She is not the transgendered in the way that we want her to be!

    2. Apparently she has chosen to represent trans people and therefore must make sure to not offend anyone in the trans community. 1.) How can you choose to represent any large group of people that doesn’t hold elections. 2.) Since when has offending people within the group being ‘represented’ ever mattered to them before? I don’t see any feminists apologizing to me for how their stupidity ‘offends’ me. Hell, that Reddit chick still hasn’t apologized to me for making women in tech look bad.

      1. As an employer, if I had two applicants; a qualified and mild mannered man, or I can hire a feminist with a chip on her shoulder who is actually more “qualified” than the man, I’d hire the man without any second guessing. Hiring a feminist with an axe to grind is akin to keeping a rattlesnake in your toilet; it’s gonna bite you in the ass.

        1. Well yeah, so would I, but unless they majored in a victim studies or put volunteering at a feminist organization on their resume, they are kind of hard to spot.

          1. they are kind of hard to spot

            Pale, kind of frumpy, large eyeglasses, second-hand clothes, and arm tattoos? Or, is that not a fair stereotype?

            1. The ones that I’m familiar with tend to be fashionistas. Obsessed with social status, pretty, middle class or higher background and utterly convinced that they are fighting an epic battle of good an evil. They’ve never faced real sexism, but they are convinced anyone not doing exactly what they want are sexists.

              1. I defer to your assessment.

                1. It might be a generational thing. Who’s drawn to that movement is going to change depending on circumstances.

                  1. Did you just call me old? omgeezies

                    1. Nope, I’m just a baby. Only a year out of college.

            2. Dead On!

          2. but unless they majored in a victim studies or put volunteering at a feminist organization on their resume, they are kind of hard to spot.

            I pride myself on being an excellent judge of character. Not only can I smell a shitty person, but I can smell what kind of shit they’re wearing. Feminazis have a very distinctive odor.

        2. a feminist with a chip on her shoulder

          I’m not seeing the critical variable:

          How hot is she?

    3. It does raise some interesting questions. Is the privilege genetic? Or is it contained within the genitalia? If s/he went the full route and had parts removed, would the privilege detach along with them? And if so, which particular parts? Does the privilege originate in the penis? The testes? The cockles? Maybe the sub-cockle area? And also, what do Millennials think? We need a study.

      1. The power comes from the perineum. Duh.

        1. Then, by definition, she’s tainted.

          1. I believe that we call all agree that we are now done here for the day.

            Enjoy the summer weather and see you here tomorrow!

  11. President Obama will announce new emissions and other environmental regulations aimed at climate change, which are expected to help shape the 2016 presidential campaign.

    If climate conferences are any indication, the shape of the 2016 campaign will involve debates requiring multiple cross-country flights.

  12. environmental regulations aimed at climate change, which are expected to help shape the 2016 presidential campaign.

    You know what else is expected to help shape the 2016 presidential campaign?

    1. Cthulhu winning the Democrat Nomination?

    2. Democratic debates? Oh, I guess not.

    3. The Eschaton?

  13. The Canadian prime minister, Stephen Harper, dissolved parliament, triggering a round of national elections.

    Surprise! It’s election day, hosers.

  14. The hitchhiking robot hitchBOT’s hitchhiking trip to San Francisco ended in Philadelphia, where it was vandalized beyond repair. Its trip began in Boston.

    Hopefully, it’s next step will be moving in with it’s aunt and uncle in bel air.

      1. I’d watch it.

        1. Meh. Don’t bother. The robot actually got destroyed in that little vandalization, and the rest of the show was all in his shutdown routine.

          1. Was there a snowglobe?

      2. /narrows gaze.

  15. Why Planned Parenthood Can’t Donate Tissue Harvested From Babies

    re: Specifically, does Planned Parenthood regularly flout the federal ban on partial-birth abortion using loopholes?

    It’s clear Nucatola thinks the law is irrelevant?or, as she says, up for “interpretation.” She explains how abortion providers get around the law by injecting a fatal quantity of digoxin, a cardiotoxic drug, into the baby’s heart before dismembering or delivering it. In Nucatola’s words, using the slang for digoxin, they “dig.”

    She explains: “Providers who use digoxin use it for one of two reasons. There’s a group of people who just use it so they have no risk of violating the Federal Abortion Ban. Because if you induce a demise before the procedure, nobody’s going to say you did a ‘live’?whatever the federal government calls it. Partial-birth abortion.” The second reason providers use it is “because they actually think it makes the tissue softer and it makes it safer and easier to do the procedure.” She counts herself in the second group.

    So, if you “dig,” you’re guaranteed a dead baby and a successful abortion without having to worry about the law. Moreover, you’ll find that a baby that has already died from a heart attack is apparently “softer” and easier to pull apart with metal instruments.

    1. So, to avoid a ban on partial birth abortions she confesses to a different form of murder?

      1. It’s just a blob of tissue.

        1. So is the mother… and the person performing the procedure.

  16. Amy Schumer Hints She Will Push To Reduce Gun Violence

    lements called Schumer “our generation’s epitome of what it means to be a strong, powerful, self-aware champion for the experiences and truths of being a woman,” and highlighted the particular challenges women face in pushing for gun control.

    “The hatred and trolling of women fighting for gun reform is specifically twisted to become gendered threats and attacks. They reference rape, ‘setting us in our place,’ obeying men and shutting us up, and overall they simply exemplify the worst of a patriarchy obsessed with the symbol and purpose of guns,” she wrote on Medium. Clements also noted that women in the United States are much more likely to be killed by a person with a gun than are women in other high income countries and that women of color are disproportionately affected by gun violence.

    1. women of color are disproportionately affected by gun violence men of color

      FTFY

      1. “World ends tomorrow; women, minorities hardest hit.”

      2. I see what you done there.

    2. our generation’s epitome of what it means to be a strong, powerful, self-aware champion for the experiences and truths of being a woman,

      Pussy jokes are a sign of strength.

      Also, Sarah Clements is trying to be the next M.A.D.D, which is not going to go well for anyone.

    3. “Clements also noted that women in the United States are much more likely to be killed by a person with a gun than are women in other high income countries and that women of color are disproportionately affected by gun violence.”

      75% of homicide victims are men, women hardest hit.

      1. #GirlsLivesMatter

    4. Amy Schumer Hints She Will Push To Reduce Gun Violence

      Her quitting comedy would certainly reduce the number of suicides.

    5. Stick to the rape jokes, racist. Amy’s just trying to deflect attention from her inspiring of the Lafayette theater murders.

    6. I get it the SJW crowd comes after you, and so you adopt a cause that they support to get them off your back, and another person is assimilated into their hive mind.

    7. She will be wildly successful within the proggie echo chamber.

      Outside of that, her act will be a flop show.

    8. “They reference rape, ‘setting us in our place,’ obeying men and shutting us up, and overall they simply exemplify the worst of a patriarchy obsessed with the symbol and purpose of guns,” she wrote on Medium”…

      Good way to deal with threats like that is to buy a gun and know how to use it.

      “Clements also noted that women in the United States are much more likely to be killed by a person with a gun than are women in other high income countries and that women of color are disproportionately affected by gun violence.”

      Um… so are men.

      Seriously, WOMEN trying to make the argument that a tool that effectively makes you equal to your attacker and enables smaller, less physically capable and/ or disabled or elderly able to defend themselves is a tough sell for me. Good luck with that, gals…

      1. Never before in human history could a little old lady fend off a group of younger, bigger assailants. But yeah, guns hurt dem womynz.

      2. If anyone can push back against this nonsense, it is women who are comfortable with guns.

        Schumer is using the whole “patriarchy” hogwash to make men shut up because she cannot win the arguments. It is a gender card, like the old race card.

        If women start making the argument, the patriarchy BS will fall flat and she will have to address the arguments.

        1. Not really, women who don’t agree don’t exist. If we argue online we are really men pretending to be women. If we argue in real life we have internalized misogyny, are the exception that proves the rule, or just plain don’t have a big enough audience to make a difference. Feminists have pigeonholed themselves as the people to ask when you want women’s opinions, and I don’t really see a way for your average women to stop that. Me telling everyone who will listen that they don’t represent me hasn’t done anything.

          1. Taken out of context:

            we are really men pretending to be women.

            A-ha!

            1. Well I mean of course. I’m on libertarian website. Obviously I’m a G.I.R.L.

    9. How many hoplophobic retards does it take to screw in a light bulb?

      1. 3.

        One to change the lightbulb while sh1tting his pants at the thought of a gun.

        One to change the pant-sh1tting bulb changer’s soiled underwear.

        One to write to Bloomberg asking for money to start a new group called “Every pant sh1tter USA”

      2. None because they had them banned after a misused light bulb once caused a house fire.

    10. “Clements also noted that women in the United States are much more likely to be killed by a person with a gun than are women in other high income countries and that women of color are disproportionately affected by gun violence.”

      Horrible. Who do these American women think they are? Is death by decapitation and stabbing only for poor, brown people or European communists and not good enough for them? Wait, that’s what we’re outraged about, right? #gundeathprivilege

  17. Minor league team hosts Back Hair Appreciation night

    Is your back well-coiffed? Do you need to shave your back more often than your face? If the answer to these questions is YES, then you need to be at Back Hair Appreciation Night at the Baysox on Thursday, July 30.

    … If your family and friends comment about the insane amount of hair you have on your back, or if you are cleaning out the filter in your pool twice a day after YOU get in it, then Back Hair Appreciation Night is YOUR Night to feel appreciated!

    Needless to say, the pictures from the game did NOT disappoint:

    1. The night was marred, however, when Warty showed up.

      1. Even Warty’s FRONT is covered in back hair.

        1. Nah, I trimmed my torso down to 3/8″. When little hands grab and pull chest hair, it HURTS.

          1. When little hands grab and pull chest hair, it HURTS.

            Note: he is not referring to a child, he is just referring regular people with average-sized hands. You see, to Warty an average man’s hand is just a tiny hand, grasping up at his man-pelt during a pathetic attempt at self-defense.

            1. Self-defense is, of course, futile; if Warty wants to bench-press you, then Warty is going to bench-press you, and all you can really do is relax. Eventually he’ll get bored and go leg-press a Greyhound bus or something.

          2. Speaking of Warty, I have a style question:
            Do you think I should Dead lift and squat the same day or on separate days? If on same day, what other exercises should/could I add to that day?

            Personally:
            I separate them. DL one day, Squat the following, and then rest day. Repeat.

            1. There’s nothing wrong with doing them on separate days and there’s nothing wrong with doing both on the same day. I personally like arranging my training so that every day I train I do some kind of squat, some kind of press, and some kind of pull, with some beach muscle work thrown in afterward.

              When you’re a beginner, you can train all of the lifts heavy every time you train, because you’ll be able to recover from the stress in 24-48 hours. When you get more advanced, you’ll need to arrange things more carefully with light days and whatnot. I always liked the heavy-light-medium approach, and it jibes well with the squat-press-pull every day approach.

              Example for a beginner:
              A: squat, bench press, power clean, chinups
              B: squat, press, deadlift, curls

              Alternate those two workouts 3-4 times a week.

              Example for someone more advanced:
              Monday: squat (heavy), weighted dips, power clean
              Wednesday: squat (light), press, deadlift
              Friday: squat (medium), bench, weighted pullups

              Something like that. You get the idea.

              Another approach I like is to squat and bench one day and press and deadlift the next time you train. This works nicely if you’re training 2 or 4 days a week.

              1. Another approach I like is to squat and bench one day and press and deadlift the next time you train. This works nicely if you’re training 2 or 4 days a week.

                This is essentially what I do. My current concern is I am not in for bulking right now. I need to lose some adipose so I have cut the overall intake down quite a bit, thus making my workouts lame. I don’t want to stop them but I am trying to maximize the work while on quite the non-workout diet. I realize the contradiction but if I stop all together just to get the weight off I know the ramp up time will be twice as long (I hate the fact I am not 19).

                So right now I do DL, BP, Biceps Mon Thur and SQ, Triceps, Shoulders (no overhead stuff per chiro…working on a repair). Tues, Fri.

                Seems ok, but as expected my overall strength is not going up (ok for now). I was just curious if I could game both systems at the same time. Read some things online about losing weight and building strength, all of them are stupid complex and require mass amounts of focus and supplements and strict adherence.

                When I was in college this was so much easier.

                1. p.s. I fucking hate cardio…so i don’t do it…so I am hamstringing myself, i know.

                2. p.s. I fucking hate cardio…so i don’t do it…so I am hamstringing myself, i know.

                  1. Fuck cardio. Go for walks in the mornings and do some hill sprints a couple times a week.

    2. Winner from Spike TV’s King Tut:

      http://tinyurl.com/pek4exk

      1. Apparently I need new glasses, but this oughta win something too!

    3. I misread this as Black Hair Appreciation Night

      “Free Extensions for the first 500!”

      But no joke, a Pam Grier Bobble Head would be the shiz, no?

      1. Especially if it has a ‘fro with a razor blade in it.

  18. A top aide for the late Beau Biden has joined a Super PAC supporting a putative Joe Biden presidential run.

    Because, you know, what else is he gonna do?

    1. I still think he’s not running. Why would he want to have his life turned upside-down and be utterly humiliated by the Clinton organized crime family, especially at his age?

      1. “Clinton organized crime family”?

        That’s the best you can come up with?

        After the breathtakingly elegant, yet razor-sharp political critique that is “Block Yomamma”, I’d come to expect far more from you than that.

        1. Actually, the Clinton’s are an organized crime family, of sorts.

          Their family business, the foundation, is a criminal enterprise, used for money laundering, tax evasion, bribery, etc.

  19. The Canadian prime minister, Stephen Harper, dissolved parliament, triggering a round of national elections.

    There’s this group called PSAC that I keep getting an ad for. They keep going on about Harper has done extensive cuts to Canada’s public services.

  20. The Canadian prime minister, Stephen Harper, dissolved parliament, triggering a round of national elections.

    Harper’s bizarre.

      1. /jumps on Swiss’s back and narrows gaze.

        1. “he ain’t heavy, he’s Canadian!”

      2. *tries to narrow gaze*
        *fails*
        *gets headache*

        1. Leave it to the pros, FS, leave it to the pros.

          1. *tries again*
            *still trying*
            *shits pants*

            1. Damn, dude, don’t admit that.

              1. If your friend shits his pants, he ain’t your friend no more – Larry the Cable Guy skit(butchered somewhat)

              2. If your friend shits his pants, he ain’t your friend no more – Larry the Cable Guy skit(butchered somewhat)

  21. Weaker China factories argue for more policy support as stocks swoon

    China’s factory activity shrank more than initially estimated in July, contracting the most in two years as new orders fell and dashing hopes that the world’s second-largest economy may be steadying, a private survey showed on Monday.

    The report followed a downbeat official survey on Saturday which showed growth at manufacturing firms unexpectedly stalled, reinforcing views that the struggling economy needs more stimulus even as it faces fresh risks from a stock market slump.

    Fears of a full-blown market crash have added a new sense of urgency for policymakers in Beijing, with many analysts expecting more support measures to be rolled out within weeks.

    1. “Call in The KRUGMAN!”

      /Central Committee

      1. End the Chinese austerity!

    2. ‘Gentleman. I told you capitalism is no good! We must take it over! But start with…REGULATIONS!

  22. women in the United States are much more likely to be killed by a person with a gun than are women in other high income countries

    where they are stabbed or beaten to death or the middle east where stoning is still popular…

    1. I wonder if women living in small island countries die more by drowning than women in Idaho.

  23. 2nd witness admits to lying during Huntsville excessive force investigation

    The officer told the court it was hard to testify against someone he worked with for several years. He said the altercation he witnessed was shocking, and that Hopkins was not resisting, and that Hopkins did not spit at officers, swear or headbutt anyone while on the way to Russell’s car.

    “I didn’t think he was resisting,” Bates said. “I was still in shock about what was going on.”

    When asked why he didn’t do anything, Bates said he froze in disbelief of what was taking place. The 8-year veteran of the department said he was scared about losing his job, adding that he carried that with him for the last four years.

    The jury was shown more video from the altercation, in which Officer Russell is heard saying, “You deserve to get that ass whooping.”

    1. To serve and protect…. each other.

    2. “scared about losing his job”

      Not just him…

      1. “scared about losing his job”

        A peasant would be prosecuted for perjury. I doubt the officer will get much more than a vacation for being so brave and coming forward.

        1. I doubt the officer will get much more than a vacation for being so brave and coming forward.

          You kidding? While wouldn’t have been fired outright, he certainly would have been forced out of the job. No cop wants to work with or help another cop who may report them when (not if, but when) they abuse their power. All cops abuse their power. It’s one of the perks of the job. Honest Boy Scouts are not welcome.

          1. Good point. I see now that my cynicism was misplaced.

    3. And this is why there are few to no “good cops”.

  24. New FDA regulation could send your local pizzeria to prison

    Pizza makers could face fines and prison time under a new Food and Drug Administration rule for failing to provide calorie counts for their billions of combinations of pizza orders.

    1. In a country with starving children, nobody needs 23 different types of deodorant pizza toppings.

    2. Fuck the FDA.

      In order to get an accurate calorie count, I think, you need to measure how much of each ingredient you put. In most pizzerias worth their salt, most of it is done ‘a l’occhio’ (by eye) and just spread ingredients around. The amount of mushrooms, or olives or even cheese they put on is not that much anyway and make the whole exercise time consuming if not outright futile.

      How do you calculate how many calories 4 rings of onions, a few sprinkles of sausage or rapini etc. contains and does it really matter?

      1. How do you calculate how many calories 4 rings of onions, a few sprinkles of sausage or rapini etc. contains

        Ahem

        SCiO: Your Sixth Sense. A Pocket Molecular Sensor For All !

        See if they’re offering equity. This could become mandatory kitchen equipment.

        1. Interesting.

          I noticed they raised over $2 million on Kickstarter. How much did they need?

          1. The initial goal was $200k

      2. Because people ordering pizzas are really concerned about their calorie intake.

    3. When did the government start requiring calorie counts on fast food, and has it had any effect whatsoever on reducing obesity? Somehow I think it’s been ineffective.

      1. It’s beyond that. My wife is in the wine business, and they are now going to be requiring every individual vintage of every varietal to have a calorie count even if you’re only bringing a few cases to restaurants (as if when you are drinking wine you would make your decision based upon negligible differences in calories). And it costs a fortune to send each bottle for accurate evaluation, so many will just choose to avoid restaurant sales instead, leaving only the monster wineries able to participate.

        So in the near future, I hope you enjoy your choice between Beringer and Turning Leaf, because there won’t be much more available. Thanks FDA!

    4. Pizza makers could face fines and prison time under a new Food and Drug Administration rule for failing to provide calorie counts for their billions of combinations of pizza orders.

      Well, that’ll be an easy fix.

      “So, I’d like the Hawaiian pizza but add peperoni to it.”

      “Sorry, we can’t do that. We haven’t submitted that combination for caloric content certification so it would be illegal for us to sell it to you.”

      “Ok, how about a peperoni, sausage, and green pepper?’

      “Hey, just what you see pal.”

      Nothing helps an economy grow and people to become rich like government regulators trying to make everything *legible*.

      1. ‘What do you have then?’

        ‘We have a delicious low-fat yogurt and cucumber pizza. We call it the Michellanator. For Michelle Obama.’

        ‘On a pizza?’

        ‘Look pal, you want it or not? Or else we have a vegan calzone.’

        ‘Yeah. Um, I won’t bother asking what’s in that. I’m outta here.’

        ‘Suit yourself’. (shouts) ‘Order #4 – the Quinoa Delight with low skim mozzarella!’

        1. Damn, that yogurt & cuke pizza reads as good! Provided you pre-cook the crust & then add the toppings cold (with some paprika), for as we all know from Seinfeld, when you cook the cucumber it will taste terrible.

    5. Burger places have the same problem since you can choose what toppings you want there, too (have it your way).

  25. Hong Kong bra protest after woman jailed for ‘breast assault’

    “We better watch out as one day police might accuse us of attacking with our penis or buttock,” a topless male activist wearing a black bra told the crowd.

    That’s ridiculous. How can you be “topless” if you’re wearing a bra?

    1. He just got back from Syria shorter than when he arrived?

  26. Rand Paul is basically doomed: How the man who was supposed to “reinvent” the GOP fell flat on his face

    One of the big mysteries of the Koch brothers’ lavish gala this past weekend is the fact that Rand Paul was not in attendance. You’d think that the Kochs would at least insist that Paul come to the fete to do a dramatic reading of John Galt’s “Atlas Shrugged” speech for the billionaires in attendance, but he didn’t show. Some reports suggest that he was invited, but declined. Perhaps his feelings are hurt that they also invited Scott Walker, Ted Cruz, Jeb Bush, Marco Rubio and even Carly Fiorina, when he believes that he should have been anointed by all the rich men in the world by acclamation. He is, after all, the One True Libertarian of the bunch.

    Or is he? Paul has been spending so much time in recent days talking about the horrors of Planned Parenthood, you’d think he was a Catholic priest or a member of Ralph Reed’s Bible study group. In fact, both of the Pauls, father and son, have always played fast and loose with their libertarian principles when it comes to reproductive health; the only individual property right they don’t recognize is a woman’s ownership of her own body.

    1. It’s not Rand’s fault the gop sucks.

    2. Progressive stupidity regarding abortion is really amazing. Hint: There is no libertarian position on abortion because if you think it’s murder then you have no right to murder.

      This is not difficult.

      1. Building a police state to enforce anti-abortion laws in now libertarian?

          1. Just give him the cake and back away slowly.

        1. Wow that was an impressively derpy comment. Well done.

        2. Yeah, that “police state” really put a crimp in Gosnell’s DECADES-LONG murder spree….

          Dipshit.

        3. Bag of dicks, PB. Eat as many as your foolish little heart desires.

        4. No different from enforcing any other laws. But you know that. You’re just pro abortion and can’t see past it. Would you want police to enforce laws against murder? How about theft? But murdering an unborn baby for its organs, head and extremities is OK because enforcing a law against it would require a police state.

          You need to go back to troll school for a refresher. You’ve lost your edge.

      2. There is still the question of whether you are obliged to keep the thing growing inside you alive, which is really a separate question from the personhood one. Though I suppose that that question is still about whether or not it’s murder.

        1. I hope someone is working on an artificial womb. Then we can’t stop talking about abortion already.

          1. *can* stop

        2. Easy, you have the right to kill someone trespassing your land if they won’t leave. You do not have the right to kill the guy thrown onto your land from the car crash that is to unconscious/injured to leave. I can’t remember the latin term, but our laws have a knowledge/intent component. It’s why the insanity plea exists. If I didn’t know (picked up what I thought was abandoned) or I didn’t take action to violate your rights (thrown from a car crash), what you are allowed to do in retaliation is severely curtailed. About the only exception is if your life is in danger, but that has nothing to do with violation of rights. That’s just a general exception to all rules.

          Babies fall under the same rule. They took no action to violate your rights (in fact your own actions forced them to be there, so if anything you are the aggressor), so you can’t kill them unless your own life is going to forfeit.

          1. I don’t think it is quite as simple as that. But whatever. I don’t want to argue about abortion.

        3. That would still fail under proportionate response. Unless the fetus is threatening the mother’s life, killing it would be as extreme as beheading someone for taking an apple from your orchard.

    3. have always played fast and loose with their libertarian principles when it comes to reproductive health; the only individual property right they don’t recognize is a woman’s ownership of her own body.

      Classic Salonsplaining.

      Who else but a Salon Pundit can explain libertarianism to libertarians?

      1. If they don’t keep stoking the libertarian bogeyman, some of Salons’ readers might drift off the reservation.

    4. Salon’s zinger-filled prose never gets old, does it.

    1. Who doesn’t?

    2. And? *eats more bacon.

  27. You’re killing us, White America: How the Samuel DuBose murder exposes a system designed to destroy Black lives

    White America, you’re killing us. Your law enforcement officers, your criminal justice systems, your jail cells are all weapons of mass destruction. Based on the legacy of 500 years of settler colonialism, land theft, war, slave trading, enslavement, broken treaties, reservations, segregation, the Trail of Tears, the 4,000+ lynchings between 1877 and 1950, and collective violence against Black communities, White America has built an edifice of violence in the psychology and culture of white police officers and correctional officers that continues to dehumanize indigenous and Black lives.

    If #AllLivesMattered, then White supremacy would be widely acknowledged, and White America would be working to repent for the legacies of violence against Black and indigenous populations. Instead, when state-sanctioned violence is exacted in America, hardly anyone in White America makes serious effort to seriously combat the racism that is part of its cultural and political DNA. Most of the time, the nation ignores it.

    1. This racist, divisive, sociopolitically blind, historically illiterate claptrap is precisely the sort of degenerate tribalism progressive crusaders and their enablers seemingly scorn with such fervor. There’s no greater destructive force in human civilization than progressivism, and its racialist dogma must be openly and unforgivingly vilified as the abomination that it is.

    2. “State-sanctioned violence”

      I am not the State. You don’t like it, work on reducing the power of the State.

      I’m already working on reducing the power of the State. You should join me.

      Instead, you just want to yell at me and try to make me feel guilty for being white. Good luck.

    3. state-sanctioned violence

      1) Most #BlackLives that are taken are done so by black perpetrators.

      2) The state does not sanction the above.

      3) The state commits violence because the consequences are minimal. If you want to reduce state violence, reduce the number of laws and make government small.

      4) There is no point explaining anything to a prog, because FEELZ.

    4. Blacks are disproportionately effected by state sanctioned violence, so naturally 90% of blacks in every election votes for the party that promises a bigger state…

    5. Your law enforcement officers, your criminal justice systems, your jail cells are all weapons of mass destruction.

      Last I checked, most blacks who vote do so overwhelmingly in favor of the party of more laws, more regulations, more prison sentences, more taxes and more power in the hands of these “black life destroyers”. So I don’t think that the pronoun “your” is the most accurate term to describe those institutions.

      White America would be working to repent for the legacies of violence against Black and indigenous populations.

      Need more welfare? Would that make you feel better? Blacks had lower incarceration rates, more employment and more child legitimacy back before the welfare state and during a decidedly more racist time that was much closer to the era of slavery. But instead of tackling the welfare state for the evil it is, you construct strawman racial narratives so that you and your tribe get more cake.

      A lot of these grievance mongers must be very disappointed they weren’t born half a century ago, nowadays they have fabricate their injustices to fight against since they’re too cowardly and too weak to take on the actual injustices that plague their communities, because they are largely injustices of their own making.

  28. “Conan O’Brien got some bad news this past week: The late-night host is getting sued for allegedly stealing jokes. A freelance comedy writer claims that O’Brien lifted four jokes from the writer’s personal blog and Twitter.

    “The plaintiff in the case, Robert Alexander Kaseberg, says he posted this joke online on Jan. 14: “A Delta flight from Cleveland to New York took off with only two passengers. And they wrestled for control of the armrest the entire flight.” He alleges that the same joke appeared in O’Brien’s monologue that night.

    “O’Brien’s production company says there’s no merit to the suit.”

    http://www.npr.org/2015/08/02/…..t=20150802

    1. This will lead the way into my fight against the lack of H and R commentariat hat-tips.

      1. Or, it will be dismissed for the lack of originality of the joke itself.

      2. BUM TAPS!

      3. First we get alt-text, then we go after hat-tips.

    2. This has probably been going on his entire career, but he stole with such poor taste that nobody wanted to come forward and claim them.

      1. In all likelihood, it was a staff writer that lifted the joke.

  29. women in the United States are much more likely to be killed by a person with a gun than are women in other high income countries

    “women in the United States are much more likely to be killed by a person with an automobile than are women in other high income countries”

    “women in the United States are much more likely to be killed by a person with a swimming pool than are women in other high income countries”

    The list goes on and on.

    1. Consequentialists infuriate me.

    2. Are they more likely to be murdered?

      1. “women in the United States are much more likely to be murdered by a person with an iPhone than are women in other high income countries”

  30. The bleak and bland shop fronts that capture the grim reality of life behind the Iron Curtain in the late 1980s

    David Hlynsky visited the Eastern Block in the late 1980s during the final years of the crumbling Soviet Union
    Took a series of images showing the harsh realities of the bland and bleak shop fronts that greeted customers
    The images show empty windows, with one depressing shot showing just three loaves of bread in a bakery

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..1980s.html

    Bernie Sanders approves of the lack of choices.

    1. It’s hard to even remember now the soft support of the American Left for the Soviet bloc in the 1980s and the implicit assumption, everywhere in right thinking society, that USSR and USA were producing more or less equal outcomes. Samuelson’s textbook was only one example.

      My father visited the Soviet bloc after the wall fell. He was in shock to see that the people were a generation or more behind everything. The MSM had basically hidden it from him, he hadn’t an inkling.

      1. The Soviet Union was hellishly evil. I’m Moscow-born, and even as recently as five years ago, Russia was a third-world shithole.

        1. How do we know you’re not a commie and only pretending to be libertarian for the jokes?

          1. I don’t drink vodka.

            A Russian-born communist who doesn’t drink vodka is like a courageous Frenchman — that is, neither exists.

            YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID.

            1. Nice way to signal the pro-vodka crown around here.

        2. It is still a shithole from a guv perspective but the people have really taken to the whole entrepreneur thing. St. Petersberg was very bustling and the shops were exploding with tourist crap in spite of the fact that more people in Siberia speak English than in St. Petes (I swear, that city is the France of Russia, their pride is over the top…but with some good reasons). Moscow is just a giant city so it has lots of everything. The real test for me was in Tyumen. The Denver of Russia. While not as diverse in products, there were still many that just a few years ago you could not imagine getting. Very encouraging. When i went in 2006 Moscow was almost just out of the fall…no joke. but now it is just an annoying big city like every other.

    2. “Only a few boxes of chocolates can be seen decorating the window of a confectionary shop in Sophia, the capital of Bulgaria, which was formerly in the Soviet Union ”

      Oh Daily Fail, never change!

      1. I just like the pictures. Isn’t that what tabloids are for?

    3. Um… maybe they just liked sparse decoration? These displays – while fascinating – really don’t say a thing about life there.

      1. I have a coworker who was one of the lucky few to be given permission to emigrate from Ukraine to the US in 1988.

        From what she tells me, those austere displays, empty stores, and the long lines for everything were pretty much the daily reality for the average person, particularly in the 80s.

        She’s never gone back, and says she never will.

  31. Our Prospective Laureate

    Idle question: If the Norwegian Nobel Committee gives John Kerry the peace prize for the Iran deal, and Iran goes nuclear, will he throw away his Nobel medal?

    P.S. Kissinger, in fact, tried to return his Nobel medal, and the “diploma,” and the money, after the North cratered the Paris Agreement and, in fact, conquered the South. In a moving letter to the committee, Kissinger said he felt “honor bound” to do so. The committee wrote back to inform him that the Nobel Peace Prize is not returnable. It’s given for work already done, regardless of what ensues.

    1. It’s given for work already done,

      Well, unless your name is Obama.

      1. He’d already done the work of not being George W. Bush.

    2. the Nobel Peace Prize is not returnable

      If you don’t like your Nobel Peace Prize, you can still keep your Nobel Peace Prize.

    3. ‘the Nobel Peace Prize is not returnable’

      Not even if there’s a receipt?!

      Poor customer service, bra.

    1. I’m not entirely surprised that they are so stupid as to incur a giant shitstorm of bad publicity. The Sec Navy will end up testifying before Congressmen trying to jack up their NRA ratings before the next election.

    2. I can’t help but chuckle at that.

    3. Does “Navy” have a human name?

      1. Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus. He could squash it but he’s too busy making sure we have trannies on ships.

        1. The clutch on a ship transmission must be fucking huge.

        2. Ah, yes. Our former ambassador to Saudi Arabia.

  32. ‘You coward, you destroyed a family for less than two grams of marijuana’: Police chief vents fury at suspect at center of manhunt for shooting dead Memphis cop during traffic stop

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..erway.html

    I wonder how many fathers those cops are responsible for locking up in prison, destroying their families over drugs.

    1. LOOK WHAT YOU MADE US DO

      1. Would like to know if he came by his gun legally…

    2. Or, you know, maybe he should direct his anger at the cop who got into a violent altercation over two grams of marijuana.

    3. ‘He’s a coward,’ Armstrong said of Wilbourn. ‘You gunned down, you murdered a police officer, for less than two grams of marijuana. You literally destroyed a family.’

      There’s just so much pure unfiltered irony I don’t know where to begin.

      1. I guess progs aren’t the only ones full of projection.

  33. Now that’s a party trick! Video of woman putting four foot long balloon in her mouth and swallowing it WHOLE sweeps Facebook

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/fem…..WHOLE.html

    Um…

    1. Can’t….not….click.

  34. I Was Almost a Television Star for a Show About Sex Tourism

    I began planning every detail of how I wanted to present myself on the show. Although the producers were insistent on getting footage of me chatting with the local “beach boys” or offensively-named “Rent-a-Dreads”(that’s actually what they call the sex workers), I did not want to look like kind of person who exploited local islanders for sex. I wanted to be a different kind of female sex tourist?one who had read feminist theory, and who believed the male sex workers had agency.

    I decided I’d appear smart and calm on the flight over, reading something by bell hooks or Rebecca Solnit. I’d wear fair trade, sweat shop-free sundresses and swimsuits by day, and my Margaret Cho t-shirt to bed at night. I’d get tipsy?not drunk?and have intelligent conversations about globalization and bird-watching (did you know Jamaica has more than 300 types of birds?). And eventually, sometime during my week-long stay, I’d meet a smart, handsome fellow traveler. We’d talk about climate change and the evolution of hip hop and stroll down the beach back to my eco-lodge while the camera panned out, away from my closing door and up to the full moon while waves crashed in the distance along the beach.

    1. you missed the best part.

      Instead of portraying me as calm and confident, the crew would probably just show footage of me popping Xanax and crying on the airplane. In this scenario, I’d lose my luggage filled with socially-conscious apparel and end up wearing rasta-colored tie-dyed sun dresses and plastic flip-flops from an airport kiosk. I’d start nervous drinking, pounding fruity cocktails with tiny umbrellas in them, and wind up in bed with some 24-year-old American tourist in a backwards sun visor. Back home, my youngest daughter would be making a video diary of herself crying while kids followed her down the halls of her middle school, calling me a whore.

      1. I have a feeling they wouldn’t require much editing to achieve that.

    2. So instead of taking the trip to Jamaica, I found another way to get my groove back: I bought some Red Stripes and hiked up to a local lake with a reliably sane, runs-a-nonprofit type of ex-lover and watched the sun set on a cold January evening. I wasn’t wearing my new swimsuit, but we did talk about the immigration reform and Bay Area hiphop?and my canceled trip to Jamaica, of course. There were no fruity cocktails, and no white sand beaches?but there weren’t any cameras either, and what did or didn’t happen after the doors closed that night weren’t for anyone to watch but me.

      I hate this person.

      1. Dropping more product references than American Psycho.

        1. What kind of asshole drinks red stripe on purpose?

          1. The kind of asshole that wants to brag about it.

            When did Vice go from humorous asshole to just asshole asshole?

            1. For every good/interesting/well-written article Vice publishes these days, they also put out nine pieces of solipsistic, poorly reasoned garbage.

        2. “Dropping more product references than American Psycho.”

          The only thing authentic about hipsters like that is how shallow and materialistic they are.

      2. When did Vice become a home for chick lit?

      3. “I wasn’t wearing my new swimsuit, but we did talk about the immigration reform and Bay Area hiphop?and my canceled trip to Jamaica, of course.”

        This person is an actual narcissist.

  35. A little tip from your friendly neighborhood archivist:

    If you are planning on donating your papers to an archives, please don’t let your cat(s) piss on them for 30 years.

    1. Sounds like the intern is going to be spending some quality time in the copy room.

      1. Yup. The giant processing room is already starting to reek of it. The pregnant girl will probably vomit as soon as she gets here.

        1. The pregnant girl will probably vomit as soon as she gets here.

          Pics? Thx

          1. Isn’t that really more of a video moment?

            1. I am more of a black and white still image sort of guy. You know, keeping it classy and all.

          2. Oh, you’re shit out of luck. She just called in sick.

            1. The guy who would have been throwing the sawdust on the vomit is in luck.

        2. The giant processing room is already starting to reek of it.

          Nice first line.

          1. “All these giants are really smelly! We should only process one at a time. Take the rest if these giants and put them in that hermetically sealed storage room.”

    2. “Copy of Declaration of Independence found lining birdcage”

    3. Can you just laminate them? Alternatively, can’t you just throw the papers and whatever hillbilly ramblings about Illuminati and Jews they contain into the nearest crick?

      1. We have to go through it first. If we threw away everything dirty and/or smelly, I’d out of a poorly-paid job.

      2. The hill-folk may be illiterate, but they get mad if you throw out their mystical scratchin’s.

  36. “The campaign of Hillary Clinton, meanwhile, is spending $2 million dollars on its first TV ads, which will run in Iowa and New Hampshire and focus on Clinton’s late mother.”

    Because a non-candidate who is also no longer trudging about this mortal coil is important.

    1. Because Clinton’s late mother wasn’t embroiled in an email scandal.

      1. Whatever Clinton might have learned from the Sanders surge…looks like she hasn’t.

    2. Nobody said getting money out of politics would be cheap.

    3. Right? She may as well run 30 second ads with just a close-up shot of a ham sandwich on a paper plate. It would be just as interesting.

      1. Well it would be more interesting. I actually like ham sandwiches.

      2. A ham sandwich has about the same energy as a fully charged car battery…also, a man’s hand when burnt ALSO has about the same energy as a car battery.

    4. focus on Clinton’s late mother

      And thus begins a vacuous “Because I’m a woman” campaign, which will gloss over all of Hillary’s flaws and misdeeds.

      And progs will emote and vote, as they usually do.

      1. ^So much this.

    5. This would be the Mom that named her after Sir Edmund Hillary.. yes?

      Why does Team Blue find it necessary to trot out their dead relatives during an election year? I first noticed this interesting tactic back in 1998 mid terms (I think) when Tom “Pile o Dung” Harkin trotted out his dead sister while running on the #ilovetboobies platform.

      Weird, I haven’t a single new idea in my pointy lil head, soooo… heres my dead mom!

  37. Ding Dong the Witch is Dead

    1. wrong place. was referring to Ms Clinton

  38. $5 says there will be another attempt to primary the U.S. Constitution’s Al Qaeda’s best friend in Congress – Justin Amash.

    How Upset Is the Chamber that It’s Losing the Ex-Im Fight? Maybe Upset Enough to Primary Republicans

    The influential and well-heeled business group is already eyeing several races, but the plans are still in their infancy and the targets have not yet been decided upon, according to more than a half dozen Republican sources on K Street and Capitol Hill?.

    1. He is of Syrian descent, and those people are trouble…

      1. I thought he was a Palestinian Christian?

        1. According to wikipedia, “Amash is a second-generation Arab-American of Palestinian Christian and Syrian Greek Orthodox descent.”

          So we are both right? I believe that the last time he was primaried the candidate backed by the local chamber of commerce was making allusions to his terroristy ethnic background.

          1. Yeah, they outright called him Al Qaeda’s best friend in an advertisement. It was the dog whistliest dog whistle in the history of the human race.

            Amash kicked the ever-loving shit out of Ellis though, so if the Chamber of Commerce goons want to pour more of their money down a rabbit hole, I hope they have fun.

            BTW, Justin Amash only voted with the party 77% of the time, which apparently makes him 229th out of 234 House Republicans. I love him so much.

            1. Also, I’d like to know who the other five are so I can lend them my support.

              1. Okay, I found one of the guys who votes with the Republican party even less than Amash and I have to say that I approve.

                https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walter_B._Jones,_Jr.

                From Walter B Jones’ wikipedia page:

                “Jones called on President George W. Bush to apologize for misinforming Congress to win authorization for the war. Jones said, “If I had known then what I know today, I wouldn’t have voted for that resolution.”[37]

                He contends that the United States went to war “with no justification.”[2][34] On the subject, he said, “I just feel that the reason of going in for weapons of mass destruction, the ability of the Iraqis to make a nuclear weapon, that’s all been proven that it was never there.” ”

                So he was wrong about Iraq but admitted his wrongness and has apparently become one of the best Republicans in congress when it comes to war. For example, this shit is awesome:

                “”On March 7, 2012, Jones introduced House Concurrent Resolution 107, proposing that Congress should consider waging wars without an Act of Congress as grounds for impeachment of the President for High Crimes and Misdemeanors according to the Constitution of the United States of America.[46]””

  39. (pay wall; but he’s on a book tour, you should get him soon)
    Carter:
    ‘We were better off when I was prez, ’cause Reagan and Citizens United!’
    http://www.sfchronicle.com/boo…..ate-result

    1. I’d like to see his book banned for electioneering via FEC rules except the Citizens United case said the govt can’t do that. Pity.

  40. Andrea Tantaros in a bikini. Because.

    1. I am more into her for her ideas.

    2. I’ll be in my bunk.

  41. “The campaign of Hillary Clinton, meanwhile, is spending $2 million dollars on its first TV ads, which will run in Iowa and New Hampshire and focus on Clinton’s late mother.”

    Did he have sex with her, too?!

  42. This Saturday I went out dancing – 80s night – with an old gal pal of mine. Back in the day she was a skinny thing – all Sicilian dark hair and brown eyes – but time and two kids from a previous marriage has added some weight.

    During a song, she jumped on to me, straddling my hips, and then arched her head back, making her body dip backwards. Thank goodness for my workouts or else I would have dropped her noggin’ on the dance floor. I managed to pull her back in time and then hoist her into the air.

    Buy my spine hasn’t been the same since.

    1. Were you rewarded amply for putting your spine at risk and saving her?

      1. of course not – I’m the “married guy” – which means I’m firmly in the friend zone.

        1. I didn’t realize you were married.

          Ashley Madison has a sad because of your faithfulness.

          1. oh I’m married – and potentially not very faithful – but my er “girlfriend” is faithful on my behalf. Lucky me.

        2. So by jumping on you like that, she was being cruel to you or your wife, ’cause that sounded more than friendly.

    2. “The heft of that chick
      just put my spine out of place.”

      1. —–pours sugar on sugarfree.

    3. “You’re a lot of woman.”

      1. 42-39-56
        You could say she’s got it all.

        Whole lotta Rosie…

    4. If she hasn’t grown a mustache yet, I doubt she’s really Sicilian.

  43. You know what, all this nonsense about co2 is bullshit. Particulate matter, SO2, Mercury and so on, have already been addressed by the power industry. Environmental controls have advanced tremendously.

    ISOGO coal units 1 & 2 located in Japan have emissions that are on par with a natural gas fired power plant of similar output. They use REACT technology to accomplish this.

    The govt is moving the goalposts causing industry to divert capital away from mirroring a plant like ISOGO which would have the greatest impact on pollutants, to go to bullshit like reducing co2 which is beneficial to the environment.

    Just look at the places that don’t have coal plants. NY’s rates are something like .22 cents/kwhr. That will be the future of power rates.

    China benefited through the private production of power, nor through govt control, which was why their power industry polluted so much. The private plants are implementing the latest environmental controls, and reduced pollution substantially.

    1. Mission Accomplished.

  44. Recently, VICE contacted an LGBT gun group of which I am a member (for observance sake – I’m quite cis hetero, NTTAWWT). The VICE chick was wanting to interview some of the members for a special they’re doing about “diversity” within the LGBT community, with Canadian anti-gun-nut Ellen Page as the host.

    Most of the group told the VICE chick to get bent.

    1. What the hell is cis, and NTTAWWT?

      1. I guess your age at above 45 Vampire.

  45. You know who else promised rebels they’d have air cover?

    Wait, am I doing this right?

    1. Admiral Ackbar?

  46. Also, I am going to have to turn in my libertarian card, because my dad is making me fly to NC for Xmas (making me = passive aggressive silent treatment and no ski vacation if I don’t come). That means I’ll be in the airport on Christmas-fucking-Eve. So I decided to consent to an ass-raping and go through the TSA Pre-Check rigamarole. The government already has my fingerprints on file, and I’ve gone through a background check because of my job, yet I have to do it all again if I want to avoid the nightmare of holiday airport security.

    1. Getting the option to skip a ton of the security theater (plus the lines) is non-libertarian?

    2. Your card is still current if you video the ass-raping for us. For research…

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