School Lunch

Michelle Obama's America: Salt 'Black Markets' Arise in School Cafeterias

Kids need flavor packets to cope with federal guidelines

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Michelle Obama
White House Vine

Kids in a school district in Indiana have created a black market in salt packets, which they trade and sell to help mitigate the disgusting taste of the so-called healthy lunches mandated under federal guidelines.

These guidelines were championed by First Lady Michelle Obama. Like so many other clumsy government attempts to make people healthier by forbidding the consumption of things they like, the initiative is a costly failure.

A school administrator from Hartford City, Indiana, recently told a House subcommittee that a "contraband economy" in food flavoring packets had arisen in response to the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act, according to The Washington Free Beacon:

"Perhaps the most colorful example in my district is that students have been caught bringing–and even selling–salt, pepper, and sugar in school to add taste to perceived bland and tasteless cafeteria food," said John S. Payne, the president of Blackford County School Board of Trustees in Hartford City, Indiana.

"This 'contraband' economy is just one example of many that reinforce the call for flexibility [with the rules]," he said.

Payne noted other problems with the "one-size-fits-all" approach to providing healthier meals to students, including fewer kids participating in the program and higher food waste. The trend started in 2012, when the school lunch law, which was championed by Mrs. Obama, went into effect.

"Students are avoiding cafeteria food," Payne said. "More students bring their lunch, and a few parents even 'check out' their child from campus, taking them to a local fast-food restaurant or home for lunch."

Payne also said school fundraisers like bake sales, have been canceled due to the rules, and "whole-grain items and most of the broccoli end up in the trash" in his district.

Under the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act (clearly a well-named law, in Opposite Land), more children are foregoing school lunches, throwing away food, and consuming fast food instead. Some students have also complained that the new portions are smaller and grosser.

Now, it's true that public school lunches have always been kind of disgusting. Americans shouldn't come away from this thinking that everything would have been fine if the First Lady had kept her turnip-grubbing mitts off their kids' lunches. The reality is that government-run lunch programs will always produce unsavory meals—which is why Reason's Baylen Linnekin has called for the total separation of school lunch and the state.

In the meantime, at least kids are learning something valuable about how markets work.

More from Reason on Michelle Obama's lame attempts to make America healthier here.

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  1. so one-size-fits-all doesn’t. Who knew.

  2. They will also learn a needed lesson about unintended consequences.

    1. If past lessons taught them nothing, this one doesn’t stand a chance.

  3. My kid’s last year of public school just ended. We packed his lunch every damn day. Won’t miss that.

  4. I ate school lunch once back in the 80s. It was disgusting. And now it’s worse?

    1. Hard to believe isn’t it – the more government meddles in something, the worse it gets.

    2. Yes.

      And the lefttards were so eager to tell the kids that they should thank Michelle Obama for their healthy lunches that my kids hate, and I mean hate the Obamas.

      They hate so fiercely that I dare not allow my daughter, a gassed up and idiling woodchipper, and Mrs. Obama to be left alone in a room together. I know my daughter, and her elan is so high that she could beat a wookie, even in a fair fight.

    3. it takes a special kind of genius to think disgusting government lunch was making kids fat and the solution is to make it taste worse.

    4. Same here. When they first introduced it in my school, I tried it for a few days and went right back to brown bagging it.

  5. King/Burwell

    4th Circuit affirmed 6-3

    Roberts, Kennedy, Ginsburg, Breyer, Sotomayor, and Kagan majority.

    1. Banana republic, here we come!

      1. We’re already there, we just didn’t realize it.

    2. Chief Justice Penaltax manufactured an ambiguity where there was none.

      1. Look, the text of the law says one thing, but a bunch of people say something else. What’s a judge supposed to believe? There’s a lot of ambiguity.

    3. That was a forgone conclusion.

      1. Yeah, fuck the plain meaning of the law as written, fuck the statements of intent that are on record, any pretense that the court does anything other than decide based on their own desires is completely gone. Let’s just burn the constitution and scatter the ashes to the wind. It is a complete fucking joke at this point.

        1. Nah, it’s only about 89% a joke. I’d like to keep some of the recent 1st and 2nd amendment related precedents, please.

          1. Yeah, that way if it goes too far we can use them to force a change.

  6. I’ll have to talk to my son about this. Maybe we can get him setup as a salt daddy for next year.

    1. Your bst bet is to use him as a mule,keep your hands clean,he’s a minor,an’t talk with out you and a lesser punisment.You could use your orphand for sales too.But ,then,who would tend the house and yard.Not to mention your gold mine..

    2. He’d do better in Coke and Snickers. Just sayin’.

  7. Salt is not only a flavor enhancer – it’s vital for good health. In people with normal blood pressure, there’s no reason to cut back on it so much that food is flavorless.

    They do this to the old, too. My mom works for an elderly nutrition program that follows state dietary guidelines. 2-3 ounces of meat, almost no salt, mostly cheap nutritionless starches. Great for diabetics who don’t process carbs well, right?

    1. Not only that, but insufficient salt causes problems for cardiac function. Your muscles need salt to work properly.

    2. So true,the Romans paid their legions in part with salt.Pepper and salt were worth their weight in gold in the past,as were other spices.Hence the saying ,worth his salt.

    3. My mom works for an elderly nutrition program that follows state dietary guidelines. 2-3 ounces of meat, almost no salt, mostly cheap nutritionless starches.

      Hopefully she counsels them to ignore the program and eat healthy (and not “healthy”).

    4. And studies are starting to show that American salt recommendations are too low:

      “CDC Salt Guidelines Too Low for Good Health, Study Suggests”

    5. I have a really hard time keeping my electrolytes in balance. I’ve been hospitalized both for severe potassium deficiency and salt deficiency. USUALLY I catch it when I start craving Gatorade, but I had some other health problems going on at that time.

  8. “add taste to perceived bland and tasteless cafeteria food”
    .
    Shouldn’t that be “add the perception of taste to perceived bland and tasteless cafeteria food”? After all, he’s careful to not say that cafeteria food is “bland and tasteless”, but only that it is perceived to be so. The obvious answer to a misperception is to correct the perceiver, not the object being misperceived. These kids obviously just need to get their mind right.

  9. Ban alcohol,black market,ban drugs,black market, over tax cigs,balck market. Now suger,salt and pepper,balck market . I would think most people would see a trend.I would use a chipper joke,but,I bet the Secret Service is watching us here .

  10. Doi. You can’t demand that people eat healthy foods and deny them the basic ingredients to make healthy food palatable.

  11. Hands off muh skool lunch!

    1. You neglected to make a comment about watermelon-eating niggers.

      Your tolling is weak and you should feel bad.

      I therefore give your comment the lowest grade possible, an A minus… minus!

  12. A school administrator from Hartford City, Indiana, recently told a House subcommittee that a “contraband economy” in food flavoring packets had arisen in response to the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act, according to The Washington Free Beacon:

    Libertarian Moment!

    1. Jon Hancock would be proud of these kids. Who says you can’t learn improtant life lessons in public schools?

  13. “Rub the salt in,” Michelle purred while her giant hands stuffed a third turnip into Rachel’s blonde quim.

    “Call me a nigger,” Rachel begged. “Call me your nigger bitch.” The coarse salt stung her hands as she scrubbed it over Michelle’s large and hairless scrotum.

    “Take my lady cock in your mouth, nigger bitch. Don’t stop until you nigger choke on it,” Michelle ordered.

    “It’s so savory,” Rachel mumbled around Michelle’s giant cock. “So perfectly seasoned!” she gasped, the penis slurping out of her mouth when Michelle jammed the fourth turnip in.

    Michelle reached down, took her penis by the root, and began slapping Rachel in the face with it.

    “I didn’t say you could stop eating me out, you black cunt.” She rabbit punched Rachel in the clit. The angle was awkward, but Michelle’s enormous strength still sent a tsunami of pleasure through Rachel’s tanned body, making the manic bird’s nest of her hair quiver. She screamed out, but it was choked off by Michelle’s thrusting member. Michelle exploded in Rachel’s throat after a half dozen powerful thrusts, her huge thighs shuddering as she drained herself into her.

    They both fell back on the mattress, sated and moaning. Turnips shat themselves from Rachel’s vagina with soft, wet plops. They held each other in the afterglow, two strong, proud black women who defied the world with their forbidden love.

    1. You are a sick man,how do I get on your mailing list?

    2. I am speechless. For once.

    3. I give this 4 Postrels.

      1. Damn. Thank you, man.

    4. But I don’t understand how the planet had more than one anus.

    5. There’s money to be made in this smut, yanno.

    1. Plants?

  14. I think Michelle Obama may be owed some storyline credits on the new season of Orange is the New Black.

  15. Hilarious. What the hell kind of cafeteria doesn’t allow *condiments*?
    You’re telling me the kids aren’t even allowed salt and pepper shakers lest they season their food in a disapproved manner.

    I had no idea that the healthy lunch program was so draconian. I’m pretty sure every cafeteria I was ever in had condiments available, salt and pepper being basic.

    Which makes me wonder what else the fuck they are doing. Did they eliminate all sweetened drink and milk and force the kids to drink water and unsweetened tea? I mean if they’ve banned sugar packets they must have banned soda machines right?

    How long will it be before this sort of shit extends to college cafeterias, or workplace cafterias in corporate offices?

    1. They get away with being draconian because it’s not imposed. It is voluntary for schools to participate with the Fed plan. If they don’t participate, they just don’t get the subsidies.

      I hope John Dewey is burning in hell.

      1. The subsidies being of course funded by taxation, which belonged to us in the first place. You can only have it back if I do what I tell you [and when, how much, with whom, how often…].

        That proverbial road to hell to which I so often allude.

        1. It makes me want to exhume the corpse of Alexander Hamilton, resurrect it, and then feed him through the fucking woodchipper feet first.

    2. It will not stop, the rationalization being that poor choices lead to health problems and thereby justifying government intervention to control costs.

      Absolutely none of our rights are given; they only exist to the extent that we insist on them and do what is necessary to protect them. Anymore I think everything along those lines is up for grabs, as someone will cite nothing more than being offended if we say or do something they don’t like or agree with as a reason to tell us how to live.

      Margaret Mead said something along the lines of never underestimate what a few committed people can accomplish; therein lies the problem, a few committed extremists tail wagging the dog.

    3. How long will it be before this sort of shit extends to college cafeterias, or workplace cafterias in corporate offices?

      Someone already did something like that.

    4. “How long will it be before this sort of shit extends to college cafeterias, or workplace cafterias in corporate offices?”

      Or supermarkets? Don’t believe for one second that they wouldn’t continue right on to supermarkets if they successfully forced their “guidelines” on college and workplace cafeterias.

      1. Now that I think about it, it’s probably underway already in the form of taxes on items that the government deems to be “unhealthy”.

  16. An excellent example of the extent to which the Federal Government has intruded into our daily lives, and why this should not be. The road to hell [or in this case, wasted food] is almost always paved with good intentions.

  17. Could we get the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act (is this an oxymoron?) struck down as a violation of the Eighth Amendment? Not that school lunches weren’t cruel and unusual before, but now…

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  19. I know that kids have never been ecstatic about Brussels sprouts and broccoli at any point in history, but it seems like this attempt to force them to eat healthy is just going to create an even stronger aversion.

    If a kid grew up eating Pizza Hut, tater tots, and hot pockets, at least he could approach healthy food with a blank slate if he decided to improve his diet later in life.

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