Free-Range Kids

11-Year-Old Boy Played in His Yard. CPS Took Him, Felony Charge for Parents.

An interview with two parents who lost their kids... over nothing.



One afternoon this past April, a Florida mom and dad I'll call Cindy and Fred could not get home in time to let their 11-year-old son into the house. The boy didn't have a key, so he played basketball in the yard. He was alone for 90 minutes. A neighbor called the cops, and when the parents arrived—having been delayed by traffic and rain—they were arrested for negligence.

They were put in handcuffs, strip searched, fingerprinted, and held overnight in jail.

It would be a month before their sons—the 11-year-old and his 4-year-old brother—were allowed home again. Only after the eldest spoke up and begged a judge to give him back to his parents did the situation improve.

I spoke with Cindy about her family's horrible ordeal.

"My older one was the so-called 'victim,'" she said during a phone interview. But since she and her husband were charged with felony neglect, the younger boy had to be removed from the home, too.

Here is the law: "A person who willfully or by culpable negligence neglects a child without causing great bodily harm, permanent disability, or permanent disfigurement to the child commits a felony of the third degree."

I first heard of Cindy's case last week when she wrote to me at Free-Range Kids. Her email explained:

The authorities claim he had no access to water or shelter.  We have an open shed in the back yard and 2 working sinks and 2 hoses.  They said he had no food.  He ate his snacks already.  He had no bathroom, but the responding officer found our yard good enough to relieve himself in while our son sat in a police car alone.  In his own yard, in a state,  Florida, that has no minimum age for children to be alone.  

The children were placed in foster care for two days while the state ran a background check on a relative who was willing to take them in. "Our first choice was my mother," said Cindy. "But she lives in another state and so the kids would have been in foster care even longer until they cleared her." The parents decided to have them placed with a slightly problematic in-state relative instead.

On the day they all appeared in children's court to move the kids from foster care into the relative's custody, Cindy thought her older son smelled a little strange. 

"What have you been eating?" she asked.

"Cereal," he replied.

Only cereal, for the past few days. That's not going to kill anyone, obviously. But if you're arresting parents for not supervising their kids for 90 minutes, it's more than a little hypocritical.

The boys went off with the relative. As Cindy and Fred were charged with a felony, they couldn't cross the county line to go see them and the relative refused to bring them to visit. But after a few weeks, she got tired of taking care of the kids. "Unbeknownst to us," said Cindy, "she was putting them back in state custody." 

That's when Child Protective Services asked the court to place the boys in foster care.

Last Tuesday, Cindy, Fred, their two kids, their lawyer, and a lawyer for CPS appeared again in children's court. The opposing lawyers went into the judge's chambers and came out every so often. The family's lawyer explained what was going on. "They were arguing on whether or not the kids should go to foster care or with us," said Cindy. This went on for hours.

But then, according to Cindy, "My son spoke up." He said he wanted to talk to the judge.

Surprised, their lawyer asked the boy: Did he have the courage to go through with this? And would he tell the truth?

The boy said yes.

"He went back there and spoke to the judge for about ten minutes," said Cindy. "And then the judge came out and called the two lawyers to the bench and talked to them for about 10 or 15 minutes. And with that, our lawyer came to us and said that if we admitted that we didn't know that it was wrong to [let our son] stay in the backyard, but that we know now that it's wrong and we will never let it happen again, and that we will explain this to our son, he would let the children come with us."

Cindy and Fred promised. The judge released the kids and closed the case.

But that is not the end.

That was civil court. Next, Cindy and Fred will head to criminal court to plead "not guilty" to the neglect charge. Naturally, they hope the entire case will be dropped.

In the meantime, to comply with all of the CPS dictates, Cindy and Fred are attending parenting classes. They are also going to therapy. The kids are attending "play" therapy.

This summer, as part of the deal, the older boy must attend day camp. The younger must attend day care. The reason, Cindy thinks, is that years ago there was a girl who disappeared while in foster care and it turned out that no one had been keeping track of her whereabouts. If kids attend day camp or daycare, their whereabouts will always be accounted for.

I asked Cindy how she and the kids spent last summer.

"We did little projects, we would go to the beach," she said. Or they would visit dad at work. She had been planning to enjoy another low key summer with them.

Instead, she will be at home while her kids are in a program mandated by the state.

Cindy and Fred cannot be sure who called the cops and turned their lives upside down. (They have their suspicions.) But they do know who told them they needed to take parenting classes, get therapy, and promise never to let their kids play in their own backyard without a watchman again. They know who took their children away.

And you know, too.

*Update: Additional details about this story, including further confirmation, can be found here.

NEXT: Watchdog Supports Whistleblower Allegations That VA Mistreats Suicidal Vets

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  1. I just don’t even….


    *shakes head*



    1. I didn’t do it.

      1. Here is your song:

      2. Start working at home with Google! It’s by-far the best job I’ve had. Last Wednesday I got a brand new BMW since getting a check for $6474 this – 4 weeks past. I began this 8-months ago and immediately was bringing home at least $77 per hour. I work through this link, go? to tech tab for work detail,,,,,,,


  2. Hey everybody’s using new handles! Imagine that!

    1. What are you talking about?

      1. Certainly not THE WAR!

        1. I told you to stop talking about THE WAR!

          1. You’re not my supervisor!

            1. Oh yeah? How far are you willing to go?:


          2. You started it.

      2. Haven’t been on Reason lately. Then I stumbled across That Which Shall Not Be Named.

        I must say, the flippant, rude, uncooperative and general attitude towards the editors request is a breath of fresh air. Truly, lurking here over the last few days has been a delight. The most fun one can have on a comment board.

        Not sarcasm.

        1. Stick around and learn the way, weedhopper.

          Trigger warning: There’s no going back.

          1. True. This happened to me.

            There is no going back. Ever.

            1. Luckily, not even reasonroids, rule the night. Nobody does.

        2. We’re all glad you’re here.

      3. No idea.

      1. He meant “all the COOL KIDS” are using new handles.

        *sneers at unciv*

        1. All the frightened pussies like me, I meant.

          1. reductio ad mulcherium

            1. That gives me something to chip on….

              1. I don’t know whether to laugh at the comments or cry because of the articles.

            2. I plead guilty, your honor.

          2. Is it a bad sign if yo were forced to?

          3. I actually joined just because of this weeks news – it wasn’t me

    2. I started using a new handle at 7:01 PM for some reason.


        1. New handles are what all the in crowd are using nowadays.

        2. Avenge me, Almanian. Avenge me!

        3. All that hate is going to burn you up!

          1. Keeps me warm.

    3. How so?

    4. It wood make me very chipper if all of the people involved in this event happened to just spontaneously disintegrate.

    5. I finally jumped on the band wagon too. Never to late to be fashionably late to the party!

    6. I couldn’t afford a new handle. Will people please chip in for one?

      1. Wood people please chip in for one?


    7. Yes. What the hell are you talking about?

  3. What are the parents legal options here, any attorneys around?

    This garbage only stops when people on the other side are made to hurt.

    1. Of course you mean “:hurt” as in “through all legal channels, not implying any physical force or trauma”

      Because that would be wrong, and could subject you to being tracked down by hounddogs, indicted, jailed, and possibly given the death sentence.


      1. Why of course…

      2. Or worse, you won’t be allowed to post on Reason anymore. And, since this is my sole form of entertainment….(chokes back a sob)….I can’t say anymore…I need to go.

    2. There’s a special place in hell where they’ll hurt for all eternity.

        1. THREAT

    3. These people feel criminally violated just losing their elected office.

    4. If I may, I’d like to offer an answer to your question. The answer is for people to begin to educate themselves; none of us were taught to be free people or how to BE free people and that was deliberate. Our courts are SUPPOSED to be common law with common law grand juries. OUR COURTS, not the RICO operations that they’ve become are supposed to serve the people. There is absolutely no justice there because they are run with statutes by judges who make up the “law” as they go along and they’ve made it very lucrative for themselves and everyone associated with that unholy alliance. We cannot go toe-to-toe with them in their courts because they strip us of any rights and certainly any standing.

      The way to fix this is to get our common law back in our courts. National Liberty Alliance dot org is a grassroots group that is doing just that. They have an extensive civics course that’s been absolutely fascinating and free. Please, visit the site and spread the word. Only the people can take back America. We must regain our voices, our power, and our authority. The People are the government, not the “representatives” that we give jobs to do for us but we MUST be awake, aware and know what our rights and responsibilities are as sovereign beings.

      “When the People fear their government there is tyranny, when government fears the people there is liberty” – Thomas Jefferson

      Best to you.

  4. So, new handles, VPN and anonymous browsing, and we’re back to Fargo.

    1. So, you’re gonna want that TruCoat? then?

      1. It’s only 500, so yeah what the fuck.

        1. Now, where d’ya want us to deliver the free woodchipper we’re givin’ away with every purchase of the TruCoat?? Cause ya get that fer free – don’t cost nothin’.

          1. Don’t need it, already got this:


            1. Well, alrighty then. We’ll donate it to The Reason Foundation! OK then!

    2. Not using a new handle, a vpn or anonymous browsing and I am perfectly content to say that this fucking shit NEEDS an armed uprising to put a stop to it and change these laws

      1. I’m with you Rasilio.

        Between being unable to speak freely on an internet forum and having the state take your kids away, I would even go so far as to say it’s begging for an armed uprising.

        The funny thing is, if it we were talking about a Sunnis taking kids away from and jailing Shiites (or vice versa), silencing dissenters on the internet, the abuse of power by the ruling class would be *obvious* and intrinsically deplorable. The sort of thing NPR would cover after violence had erupted in with the tone that it was inevitable.

        1. Everything is going to hell in a hand basket. They have emasculated the entire culture, people are afraid to tell people to get off their lawn and go to hell.

          One on hand, you have these same cultural mandarins working to “re-unify” a “family,” meaning a crack whore and her spawn of three different fathers, on the other taking children away from anyone who scribbles outside the lines.

          In the end, its all about breaking us. They don’t want to mistreat a homicidal bomber, feel sorry for him, but they want to water board any remaining common sense out of the culture.

          You will kneel and be made to smell the glove knave. This is why the American and European left have long has common cause with the Islamists, why they will say or do little about thousands of rapes and head chop pings, because they all have the same common enemies, their own cultures, the ones that brought greater freedom and prosperity to the world than any others. But, in the end, they are all totalitarians.

          1. “In the end, its all about breaking us. ”

            It’s about The Boss making it clear that he is The Boss.

      2. The neighbor needs to be dropped off in the middle of North Dakota with one shoe and a loin cloth. A lousy snitching neighbor who doesn’t even have the common courtesy to be kind and let the kid in their home if needed is not a neighbor anyway. It’s just somebody next door.

        1. No shit.

          That was my first reaction – “If the g*dd****ed a**h*le next door cared so much about the kid’s welfare why the F*** didn’t he/she invite the kid in to watch some TV?”.


          1. You can’t be serious. Can you imagine the consequences of having a neighbor child in your house for more than 30 seconds? If the child later claims you molested him or her, you’d be in for years of grief and possibly prison.

            Any adult who allows himself to be alone with a child is practically begging to be charged as a sex offender even if they do nothing worse than watch TV. Even that wouldn’t be safe because the child could claim it was shown porn.

            I expect that pedophiles are few and far between but FEAR of pedophiles is EVERYWHERE. Unfortunately, there are also plenty of people who’d be willing to make false claims just to cash in on an opportunity.

            I truly wish it were otherwise but I don’t think it is.

      3. +1 insurrection

  5. I don’t want to live in this country anymore.

    1. I’m with ya – except I GOT NO PLACE ELSE TO GO!!!!

      /”Officer and a Gentleman”

      1. At the very least I don’t want to have kids here. Or live in the ghetto where the dangers are known and apparent but you can largely be left alone.

        1. I am SO glad my kids are all grown (youngest is 20).

          I….worry….about Granddaughter #1, who just turned 1. We’re already planning to help the chirrens pay for private schooling, cause NFW do they or we want her subjected to gummint schools.

          Sad. Sad, sad, sad. The best times as a kid were when we were alone, defying death and learning valuable life lessons.

          1. Yes! The best thing you can do for your grandkids is to get them out of government schools!

    2. Fuck that. This is my country and I love it. We just need to kick out any and all pathetic losers who have no marketable skills and must suck off the government teat as a source of income. Those who can, do; those who cannot, teach; those who cannot teach, work for gubernent.

      1. I fear we’ve undergone a cultural shift – the pussification of this once great nation is near complete, and once it is, this place is fucked.

        1. I’ve been thinking exactly the same thing for some time now. I must admit to now having “bad thoughts” when contemplating a challenge to this insanity.

          1. Just don’t mention woodchip…. nevermind.

      2. We’re going to need a lot of woodchippers.

    3. Yeah… except realistically you’ve got the choice of being subject to the US Domestic policy… or the US Foreign policy. :-/

    4. Where to though, believe me, the infection has metastasized even more in Europe, where there was not even a First Amendment or Second Amendment to be undermined.

      By the time most of us croak, Europe will be taken over by the Islamists, because Europe has become so emasculated, so enfeebled that they can’t even convince their women to get pregnant.

      Thus, they will all be destroyed by demographics, not to mention that you can’t beat a culture that believes in something with one that only believes in nationalized health care, cradle to grave security and the right to a vacation in Sri Lanka, the Maldives or the Canary Islands.

      Welcome to Belgistan:

    5. I left the USA 27 years ago when the PA bureaucrats would not let me build an underground concrete dome house on my own rural property which was out of sight of any public road.

      I came to Mexico where I have built or re-habbed about 20 houses, mostly without permits of any kind. The cost of medical care here is very low and mostly without prescription rules, insurance mandates, etc.

      Fresh farm grown food, friendly people, inept govt. bureaucrats, what more could you ask for?
      Mexico was just named 3rd best place to retire after Ecuador and Panama on some survey.

  6. What species of diseased fuck is the neighbor who called the cops instead of asking the kid if he’s ok or needs help.

    Jesuschristgodalmightygoddamn, what’s wrong with people?

    1. ^^ ayup, this

    2. I used to be a school bus driver. One day one of my kids didn’t have her key to get into her house, she came back and told me she couldn’t get in. Being a normal fucking human I ask if she knows any of her neighbors instead of calling CPS. She rang a doorbell, waved to me, and went inside her neighbor’s home. She was not raped, not murdered, everything was fine. She didn’t feel comfortable being outside without her parents home, so she went to a neighbor’s house, if she wanted to play outside until they arrived I would have driven off without a second thought. What scares me is looking back I probably would be thrown under the proverbial bus in the one in a million chance that something bad actually happened to her.

      1. You would have been thrown under the bus if a busybody parent informed a bureaucrat. Nothing bad need happen to the child.

        1. Too true.

    3. Thats what these parents get for not returning the neighbor’s woodchipper they borrowed

      1. …or not washing out the bone fragments before they did. Fucking rude.

        1. Or the cloth fragments from the black robes?

    4. An inhuman POS, that’s what. Someone for whom common sense is a foreign concept and where the all-knowing, all-seeing state has all the answers.

      In the old days, the authorities would probably have asked them, “Did you ask the kid inside to wait for his mom? Offer him some milk and cookies? But now, with a world of nannies, of White House Wookies, common sense is a vestige of the past. No one would offer to invite the child in, for fear of being accused of a crime or sued, they wouldn’t offer them milk because they could be lactose intolerant and the cookie’s would violate the Mooch’s menu dictactes.

      They should be taken out and horse-whipped (metaphorically, yes, metaphorically horsewhipped as I no longer have a horse and never owned a horsewhip.) or run out of town on a rail (a metaphorical rail as a real rail is too heavy for me to lift.)

  7. Florida CPS?all CPS, really?needs to be retired. Not in the Rick Deckard sense, but, like, laid out. Off. I meant laid off. And the neighbor in question should be silenced. I mean, given the silent treatment. Jeez, what did I say?

    1. It’s a confusing time for everyone. You may want to attend one of the DoJ “camps” for helping to sort through these feelings. Because they can help….re-educate you. Clear your mind. Get you thinking the right way.

      For your own good.

      1. I got my mind right boss!

        1. +1 Shakin it.

      2. Sounds great for removing distractions. A place where you can achieve focus. The kind of camp where you can really concentrate.

        1. I see what you did there….

        2. Probably a good place for weight loss too.

        3. *golf clap*

      3. are my treatments all-inclusive?

      4. commodious spittoon, you need to be able to concentrate. Concentration is the key to succeed in our comments section..

        Maybe we should send him to a concentration camp. Oh! Dammit, dammit, dammit!

    2. Haha. Maybe brought out back and shot with kisses?

      1. I prefer to chip away at my problems a little at a time.

    3. Isn’t this the very CPS agency in Florida that regularly loses some of the kids they place in foster care and oops…some of them end up dead?

      1. It doesn’t count when the government does it.

        1. +1 No excuse for child abuse, unless a social worker or foster family did it. Then we have LOTS of excuses.

          1. MOAR FUNDING!

        2. Because if someone dies when procedures are followed, then nothing bad happened.

      2. Isn’t this the very CPS agency in Florida that regularly loses some of the kids they place in foster care and oops…some of them end up dead?


        Maybe they need a little more ‘No Child Left Behind!’?

    4. I hope the people( and I use the term loosely) who kidnapped these children fall into a wood chipper, and then go to a special place in hell.

      1. I join you in this hypothetical hope.

        1. I, personally, would be overjoyed if Fenrir ate their livers right in front of them during the Ragnarok. There isn’t enough popcorn in the world.

          1. With a nice chainti?

    5. “Sorry, SORRY, sometimes I just get a little carried away!”- lancelot

  8. something something wood chippers.

  9. …if we admitted that we didn’t know that it was wrong to [let our son] stay in the backyard, but that we know now that it’s wrong and we will never let it happen again, and that we will explain this to our son, he would let the children come with us.

    For me, this would be perjury.

    1. If the witches will confess, then they shall be spared, and receive God’s mercy.

      1 WITCH. Thrice the brinded cat hath mew’d.
      2 WITCH. Thrice and once, the hedge-pig whin’d.
      3 WITCH. Harpier cries:?’tis time! ’tis time!
      1 WITCH. Round about the caldron go;

      1. How do you know she is a witch?

        1. *** shakes finger ***

          1. If she weighs as much as a woodchipper…

    2. It is rumored that perjury in court is overlooked and unpunished if it’s what the prosecutor or judge wants to hear.

      1. Bugger “rumor”. I watched it happen live in Kiowa, Colorado.

        1. Shhhh. Did you learn nothing of the proper way to discuss sheep fucking?

    3. Perjury means not lying sincerely enough.

      1. Or more to the point, that you pi**ed off the wrong person.

    4. We need common sense backyard control.

  10. Whatever happened to the right to face your accusers???

    1. BAILIFF! Escort this man from the courtroom and have him put in the county lockup!

    2. I can’t understand why Iraqis didn’t go for this kind of nation-building.

      1. heh

      2. Well done.


    3. Will you white males quit looking at that document that was written by slaveholders like 100 years ago?

    4. You know, it’s backtalking scum like you that lead to unlicensed lemonade stands.

  11. if we admitted that we didn’t know that it was wrong to [let our son] stay in the backyard, but that we know now that it’s wrong and we will never let it happen again, and that we will explain this to our son, he would let the children come with us.”

    Bow and scrape, suck their dicks, lick their boots, and just maybe they won’t penalize you as much as they’re legally allowed to.

    Good thing these parents weren’t in front of Judge Katherine Forrest.

    1. You mean Katherine “Life Sentence” Forrest?

      1. I mean Katherine “Grovel Before Me Before I Assfuck You” Forrest.

        1. You drunk teenage boys with your crass jokes and shallow libertarianism.

          1. “…shallow libertarianism.”

            Not to be confused with that long and deep statism we keep being told to shut up and take.

            1. It’s so great they want everyone to have a piece, even if it involves shoving it down or up various orifices.

        2. I mean Katherine “Grovel Before Me Before I Assfuck You” Forrest.

          And she can do it without any additional equipment.


          1. Othering a judge is a federal fucking offense, mister! YOU CAN’T MAKE HER FEEL BAD!

        3. Wasn’t she thrown into the phantom zone? (Note to DOJ, phantom zone does not exist)

          1. Careful. A crafty DOJ prosecutor may bring in some kind of quantum physicist to disprove that assertion and therefore validate that vague and unworkable unplanned non proximate threat.

  12. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

    So when does the revolution start? I really hate cops, but i hate judges more. It was their job to hold the executive and legislative in check, and they have completely abdicated their responsibility. REminds me of Radiohead lyric, “When I am king, you’ll be the first against the wall.”

    1. Maybe Radiohead can come play a concert when you make chili out of…er…for…everyone….

      1. I wouldn’t assume Radiohead would be on the correct side here.

        1. Ten Ten. No pressure.

        2. I was just trying be sure to couch my statement as a reference to something cultural. Cuz you never know when some thin skinned cunt of a judge or spineless cocksucking US attorney is going to play hardball.

        3. I can’t imagine anyone who isn’t employed by a government agency could possibly be on the wrong side of this one.

          Pure speculation, but I would guess that even the asshole who called the cops isn’t feeling great about the outcome.

          1. I’d be willing to take the bet that none of them feel personally responsible for any of it.

          2. To bad the he, she or it who called the cops hasn’t been interviewed. It would be enlightening, one way or the other.

            1. “I was just worried about poor Johnny being home all alone with a woodchipper lurking right there in the yard.”

          3. that’ll fix em, stay off my lawn you fucking kids!

      2. Would a penis eating pony be somehow involved?

    2. Troy is going to be hauled in front of the Inquisitors by his huge boner in 3…2…1…

    3. For the benefit of any Assistant U.S. Attorney who might stumble upon this ‘chat’, I’d like to emphasize that Troy is speaking hypothetically, and is not actively planning to launch any revolution let alone one involving wood-chippers, necromancy or ancient Persian execution methods.

      1. ancient Persian execution methods,

        Omigosh, I’d completely forgotten about “the boats,” and how they might be used for–oh, never mind, Mr. FBI Agent, I was just talking about a comparison between Marco Rubio’s luxury yacht and John Kerry’s sailboat. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

    4. Why against a wall? Is nobody concerned about ricochets? You do it from an elevation w them in front of soft ground or sand.

      1. Pancho Villa, on taking over a town or village, would line up the objects of his scorn to see how many he could fell with a single bullet. It conserved ammunition and usually produced no riccochets.

        “NOT A TRUE THREAT” DISCLAIMER : The above explanation was offered in the context of a discussion of historic events. This is not to be construed as a suggestion to be employed, attempted, nor adopted to cause harm, injury, or pain to any person, animal, being, or object. I should also point out that I am not directing this comment – either in fact or even theoretically – at any person living, dead, or mythological. Should anybody feel, even in the slightest bit, endangered or uneasy due to my comment here please understand that I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE IN REAL LIFE. I DON’T CARE ENOUGH ABOUT YOU TO AS MUCH AS FLING A LIMP TOOTHPICK IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION FROM WHERE I LIVE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET. IT’S THE FUCKING INTERNET! UNPLUG THE GODDAMNED THING IF IT BUGS YOU THAT MUCH.

  13. Next, Cindy and Fred will head to criminal court to plead “not guilty” to the neglect charge.

    Is there enough of a mens rea component to “culpable negligence” for them to not have already admitted to their guilt while sucking off the judge?

    1. One would hope their attorney thought of that.

    2. Mens rea still exists?

      1. Semi-hilariously, SCOTUS just recently implied in Elonis that mens rea was required for “most” federal crimes!

    3. Mens what?

      1. Probably something about the patriarchy.

      2. That’s a microaggression, sir. Myntioning “MEN” like that. I’m aghast.

      3. I think they mean ‘amenorrhea’….

      4. I think they mean ‘amenorrhea’….

        1. Gonna throw the SQURLZ in the chipper, I am…..

        2. Are you referring to a lack of menses, a surging forth of menfolk, or an unstoppable gushing of amens?

          1. Agh! All this MEN talk! Stress! Reason needs a safe space!!!!

    4. Sure, in a criminal proceeding the “confession” should be pretty easily dismissed as having been extracted under duress: specifically confess or we keep your kids.

      1. Don’t underestimate how little they give a fuck about the law.

    5. Statements and evidence from a criminal trial can be used in a civil proceeding but I can’t remember if the reverse is true.

  14. OW, MY BALLS

  15. I would shoot myself in the face if my job involved saving kids from being alone with basketballs. Seriously, life would cease to matter for me. The vector of my life path would have to be riddled with a gray horizon bulging with trillions of thoughts never considered. A lifeless, brainless, mindless, and passionless plane where even my heart would despise pushing blood through my pipes.

    1. Nothing a few tokes wouldn’t fix.

      1. Tokes can’t fix insanity, man.

        1. ^^^THIS^^^^^

        2. I wouldn’t let them plead out with insanity. It’s something that bothered me about Catch-22 and similar works, the habit of giving people an easy pass because the situation is madness. These people take jobs in which they’re permitted the genuine pleasure of exercising authority over others for minor transgressions. They’re authoritarian dweebs, fascists in miniature, cultural martinets with resort to jackbooted thugs with badges. They’re not crazy, they’re banana-republic despot wannabes.

          1. Insanity is just one plausible mindset among the plethora of insidious reasons governing types engage in abusing citizens. So you are correct with a caveat.

          2. Not the “not guilty by reason of insanity” kind of insanity.

            1. Not even the “you’re being irrational” sort of insanity. It’s the clinical sanity of insanely prescriptive statism: nothing not written into law is permissible, everything permitted is mandatory.

    2. I would shoot myself in the face if my job involved saving kids from being alone with basketballs. Seriously, life would cease to matter for me. The vector of my life path would have to be riddled with a gray horizon bulging with trillions of thoughts never considered. A lifeless, brainless, mindless, and passionless plane where even my heart would despise pushing blood through my pipes.

      Unless saving them from being alone with a basketball meant shooting hoops with them, my heart wouldn’t despise pushing blood through my pipes as much as it would begin to do it out of vengeance rather than need or enjoyment.

  16. its so hard to be a kid these days. Sit in the house. Don’t go outside. Don’t talk to anyone. And for fuck sake don’t try to sell anything on the street.

    1. sell anything on the street.

      What kind of sick fuck are you? CPS!! GET HIM!

    2. Video games make compliance with this a non-issue.

  17. My classmate’s step-aunt makes $61 hour on the internet . She has been fired from work for nine months but last month her pay check was $12801 just working on the internet for a few hours. try this out.

  18. And you know, too.

    Would that be the people who need treatment with industrial landscaping tools?

  19. Anyone want to buy a woodchipper, still in the box, cheap? I swear I’m not a federal agent.

    1. I’m pretty set for woodchippers, thanks. You wouldn’t happen to have some lye handy, though, would you?

      1. Lie? It is what our government deals in. Exclusively.

      2. No, but I’ve got a couple of bags of lime. Will that do?

        1. Is it quicklime? As a modern libertarian on the go, I don’t have time to wait around for humans bones to dissolve completely in the shallow graves dug in my backyard. I have orphans to abuse, online hits to arrange, and judges to threaten. This is the 21st century, after all.

          1. Metaphorically, of course.

          2. When do you find time to have your orphans polish your monocles? Not enough hours in the day…

            1. You just gotta beat ’em harder to make ’em work faster.


              1. Ah, and maybe just take the slow ones out back to be… nevermind.

          3. I have quicklime. I use it to WHITEWASH MY HOUSE. Yes. That’s what I use it for. The only thing I use it for. Promise.

            1. Right between the diesel fuel for the farm implements and ammonium nitrate fertilizer, right?

              1. WHAT?! I have a big back yard!

      3. As an occasional (purely as hobby having no intent to sell commercially) artisanal soap manufacturer I make my own lye. Weak lye solution is easy to manufacture especially if you own a wood chipper. One burns the wood chips to create ash, then runs hot water through the ash using a filter similar to how one makes drip coffee. The resulting liquid is a weak lye solution.

      4. Sure, I’ve got a few barrels I could let go of. Just repeat what you’d like to purchase into this button on my shirt.

  20. This is one of the reasons I’m a stay at home mom. When I was working and my sons were in daycare, the daycare provider made every parent sign a notice that if more than an hour late to pick up the child (even with a phone call letting them know you would be late), the police and/or child protective services would be contacted, and the child would be reported as abandoned. We didn’t stay with that daycare past the end of the month.

    I’d pursue finding out who called the police and, even if not successful, make their lives hell using every legal option. Perhaps if these busy bodies are hit in the wallet, they will think twice before making the phone call.

    1. When I was working and my sons were in daycare, the daycare provider made every parent sign a notice that if more than an hour late to pick up the child (even with a phone call letting them know you would be late), the police and/or child protective services would be contacted, and the child would be reported as abandoned. We didn’t stay with that daycare past the end of the month

      I’m shocked anyone would.

      1. They weren’t in business much longer. Something about the director double depositing checks (mobile app and then at an atm.)

        1. You do realize that the people most concerned about children are the biggest creeps in the world that shouldn’t be within 10,000 yards of children.

          1. A bit of an over generalization, but I understand what you are saying.

          2. Heh. The Mongols episode of South Park springs to mind.

    2. When I was working and my sons were in daycare, the daycare provider made every parent sign a notice that if more than an hour late to pick up the child (even with a phone call letting them know you would be late), the police and/or child protective services would be contacted, and the child would be reported as abandoned. We didn’t stay with that daycare past the end of the month.

      That’s astoundingly stupid. The preschools/daycares/camps my kid has been to had escalating financial penalties for showing up late, but failing you not contacting them and not bothering to have picked the kid up by the time they close, they’re not contacting the authorities.

      1. They had the escalating financial penalties, I think it was $10 for every 5 minutes you were late, but at an hour, they called the police. It is moronic, considering it’s not uncommon to be stuck in traffic for that length of time in Southern CA. Like I said, we didn’t stay past the end of the month.

        1. And note, an economic study somewhere found that daycares with late policies of, your kid will be left on the curb should you be more than an hour late, as please have respect for our employees (even though most, if not all, daycares never actually did this) has a greater rate of compliance than very high penalties such as $10/5 mins.

          Because humans reason logically, that if they’re paying an exorbitant fee for being late, they see that as the final penalty, so to speak, and no longer contemplate holding employees from their families.

          Look at it like this, if you have enough money to pay the fine from time to time and you’re leaving work to daycare – you’re 30 mins late, have a 20 mile commute, and are low on gas, but have enough to make the trip before gassing up.

          If you can pay, you don’t show up in 15 mins, but instead get gas to see a slight reduction in traffic from rush hour, and arrive 5 to 10 mins later – or you send out that one last email – or you….

          If instead you’re told by the daycares about the problems caused and wanted of possible consequences, you behave differently.

    3. Why do you think the state licenses them? It’s like bonus government. (Or is it bone-us?)

    4. I’d pursue finding out who called the police and, even if not successful, make their lives hell using every legal option.

      Scorched earth. To hell with the neighborhood. The kid didn’t go visit a neighbor, so it sounds as though the family wasn’t ingratiated with anyone nearby. Wage a campaign of petty nit-picking. Report everything. To hell with them. In the nicest way possible, that is.

      1. I’m not sure if you are agreeing with me or think I’m a nutcase for suggesting pursuing all legal means to make the neighbor’s life hell.

        Why should he go to a neighbor? He’s 11. An 11 year old can take care of himself for 90 minutes or even most of the day, while his parents are not home, even while locked out of the house.

        To hell with the neighborhood. Personally, I care more about living my life without the interference of busy bodies, child protective services, the police, and the criminal justice system than I do about neighborhood harmony.

        We don’t know the back story or the dynamic of the neighborhood. Are they new, therefore didn’t know anyone well enough for the son to go to a neighbor’s house? Is the person who made the phone call retaliating against these parents due to a past incident? Is the person just a busybody? Whatever the reason, hit the person in the wallet and they will be less likely to call the police the next time their 11 year old son is playing in the yard of his own home.

        1. Years ago, my brother maybe 17 at the time, was enjoying a brew on our front step.
          Neighbor called cops, etc. etc. $100 fine (which was like $1000 today). So he sat out there many other days with coke or water in a beer can until the cops got tired of coming by every time the neighbor reported him. And they never handcuffed him, or beat him up or anything, even though most of the cops in our town used to be the bullies and juvenile delinquents in high school.

        2. When my son was about that age “someone” called the local CPS in Virginia about how we were treating him. Lucky for us the two ladies were pretty cool and nothing happened.

          CPS: “Did you hit your son?”
          ME: “Yes. I told him to do something, he said ‘Fuck you!’, so I slapped him in the face”
          CPS: “I could see myself doing that”

          They couldn’t tell me who called, because it was ‘anonymous’ otherwise people would be intimidated into not calling. I told her I thought it was likely my dickhead husband of my sister-in-law who had a grudge against us.

  21. Metaphorically speaking, I hope there is a special place in hell reserved for that all of these horrible public officials and DCF workersl on whom I am entitled to comment, purely as hyperbole, on a matter of public concern under my First Amendment rights to free speech and to petition the Government for redress of grievances. Cf: The Screwtape Letters, an allegorical series of essays in which C. S. Lewis used Hell as a literary device for comment upon matters of spiritual and political concern.

    1. The neighbor too, who sounds like a nice candidate for the Third Round of the Ninth Circle of Hell. She can hang out with Walder Frey.*

      * I refer only to fiction, specifically Dante’s Inferno, referenced in the Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri, written in the early 14th century. As I am not a divine being, I have no power to send any person to Hell, whether such Hell is metaphorical or literal, and therefore this does not qualify as a “True Threat” under prevailing statutes and judicial precedent.

      1. So an old man dies and gets sent to Hell. The Devil greets him and shows him around, explaining that he must choose with pit to spend all of eternity in. There are three pits with vacancies.

        In the first pit is filled with judges being slowly lowered into woodchippers. The second pit is full of internet trolls being ‘abused’ by Warty. And the third pit is full of no-good busybody neighbors standing up to their wastes in Warty’s shit, all drinking coffee. The old man thinks it over. Standing in Warty’s shit is disgusting, but he supposes it’s not as bad as the other punishments. So he tells the Devil, “I’ll have to go with the third pit”.

        So he climbs into the pit, when suddenly the foreman says, “Okay, coffee break over, everyone back on their heads!”

        1. *applause

    2. I am totally stealing that…

  22. It takes a village to raise kidnap a child. Government sure is just another word for the things we do together.

    1. Government is another word for the crimes we do together.

    2. I always hated Hilary’s stupid village comment. As if a nation of 319 million people in any way resembles a village. Maybe ‘the village’ is a great way to raise a child; in fact, I’d love for my children to grow up in a community of friendly neighbors who could keep an eye on them, teach them new things, be a resource when they are in trouble. Thing is this. ain’t. no. fucking. village. Progressives used to state openly that they wish to abolish the family. They fear anything that garners more loyalty than their cult of obedience and violence, so they squash human social experience into individuals who are subservient to government. The infinite complexity and beauty of human social interactions flattened to ‘us’ and ‘you,’ and ‘you’ better hand over our lunch money to ‘us’ for the ‘good of society.’

      1. That was the really awful thing about her “it takes a village” shit.

        It really does take a village. It is good for kids to grow up in a community of people who (voluntarily) care for them and are involved in their growth and development. She took that and made it completely backwards and evil instead.

      2. “Where am I?”
        “In the Village”

      3. All your kids are belong to us.

        “We have to break through our kind of private idea that kids belong to their parents ? and recognize that kids belong to whole communities.”

        1. How about kids belong to themselves?

          1. The lady in the video didn’t seem to think the children were anything but commodities. Like pork bellies and coffee.

      4. “Progressives used to state openly that they wish to abolish the family.”

        “Used to”? I seem to recall that not too long ago, some “progressive” was harping on about how good parents who read their kids bedtime stories are fostering the dreaded societal cancer of inequality by making their kids better prepared and more well adjusted than other kids who have shitty parents. I’d say they haven’t called it quits on Pol Pot-style abolition of the family unit.

        1. They haven’t, true, but they no longer flat out state ‘we want to abolish the family’

      5. The first time I heard that my mind flashed “Village People” (the band/group) and it put the whole thing in a different light.

    3. Turning your children over to the state at their whim, is the cost of civilization.

  23. I know that it would be possible to respond to this article by talking about how much certain people deserve to have drastic things done to them. But we’ve learned recently that that can get you into trouble with humorless people at the US Attorney’s office. So I’ll just paraphrase some of my favorite dialog from “Lawrence of Arabia” and express a wish that they be treated “harshly.” “How harshly,” you may ask, and I (channeling my inner Alec Guinness) will reply, “More harshly than I hope you can imagine.”

    1. Government officials: All is Trope, bitches! So fuck off!

    2. Sherif Ali: God help the men that lie under that.

      T.E. Lawrence: They are Turks.

      Sherif Ali: God help them.

    3. With Child Protective Services, mercy is a passion. With me, it is merely good manners. You may judge which motive is the more reliable.

      1. Best exchange in the movie. Letting your FEELZ direct and justify your actions leads to…Fucked up shit like this (and massacring a bunch of Turks)

  24. The Reason Foundation allowed commenting on this thread? Isn’t that a little dangerous?

    1. LULZ.

      Your complimentary wood chipper is in the mail.

    2. Probably a sting.

    3. Apparently they disallowed my comment that should have been earlier on the page. Too much truth, I guess. Sounds like they should visit the backyard woodchipper. 🙂

  25. Trigger warning: Rant ensues. I’m so sick and tired of these retarded stories. People are just too quick to call in the fricken authorities. Paranoid morons.

    First, fuck the neighbor in the ass. If I’m the parent, I walk over and ram a rhubarb pie in his or her face for the unnecessary ordeal they created. The Duke and Earl of Assholes that asshole.

    Second, CPS are at this point, I’m convinced, are run by good for nothing busy-bodies with waaaayyyyy too much time on their hands. You mean to tell me there’s NOT ONE FUCKING CPS JERK OFF who didn’t look at this and said, ‘Really?’ Man, all they needed to do was ‘wag their fat, paternalistic finger’ and move the fuck on.

    But nooooo. Let’s potentially ruin a family over lateness!

    Go fuck yourselves you useless buffoons. Go get a hair cut and real job.

    It’s called COMMON SENSE.


    /wipes forehead with towel.

    1. Disclaimer: I do not wish anyone literally fuck themselves because this would prove too difficult and problematic if not dangerous. The word ‘fuck’ here is meant to be a term of exaggerated exasperation; one in which when all other adjectives simply do not convey a poignant point. Also, please note I do not endorse rubbing a hot pie in the face. A cool pie would achieve an acceptable, if not delicious, effect – even though snitches don’t deserve it. Last, I understand CPS workers are creatures of the magnificent state and do with what little resources they have to keep America’s children safe. For this, as a foreigner, I can appreciate their dedication and love for the children. Hence, the above rant was not meant to be an attack but rather a firm request they reconsider where they put their skills to work. Thank you. Sincerely (and humbly) Rufus. Long live the children.

      1. Beat me to it! And better!

      2. Psst. Rufus, you left out the bit where you would never hit anyone in the face with a pie unless you had a signed and witnessed form listing their allergies and the pie contained no allergens on the list…..

        You should clarify that urgently.

        1. Shoot! You’re right.


          The pie described is gluten-free and free of allergens. As a husband to a person with severe allergies, I am too aware and sensitive the pain this could cause.

          Thank you, sincerely etc. you know the rest.

          1. It’s one of those whipped cream in a crust pies. But dairy-free. And all-natural. Somehow.

            1. Aerogel

          2. Gluten free pie?

          3. Plus you forgot the trigger warning to those of us who can’t afford to throw away pies.

      3. Sorry Rufus, but the only legally valid disclaimer must contain over 1500 characters to fully cover one’s self.

        1. But. How do I go around the 1500 max word count?

          I’m in a real pickle now.

          1. Go to the light.

    2. You’re a towel!

      1. You’re not helping.

        1. Sorry ’bout that. I’m trying to use terrible “humor” instead of sarcastic threats to get myself through threads like this. Apparently that isn’t working either.

      2. You’re a beaner towel.

    3. And of course, Rufus didn’t mean that he would actually fuck the neighbor in his actual ass, just figuratively give them a good ole virtual poke in the ole metaphorical arsehole.

      I’m just trying to keep everyone on this side of the bars.

      1. /wipes sweat drenched forehead.

        Definitely not anal. Anal, not done right, could cause muscle tear. I do not endorse this sort of behavior in this matter. Alas, I understand the ‘term go fuck yourself’ could be taken literally as ‘fuck me in the ass you crazy animal you’ and therefore act to change – if I may as I put myself before the mercy of CPS – it to ‘go fudge yourselves with a fudgsicle in your face’.

        Thank you etc, etc.


  26. Were that my neighbor, they would never have a living plant, including grass, in their yard ever again. I’d make sure of that.

    It would look like the house was sprayed with Agent Orange.

    1. And of course, JW is not actually saying that he intends to disperse a biological agent on the landscape of his neighbor, he is merely making a point using an ancient technique called hyperbole.

      This side of the bars.

      1. Not being my neighbor, of course not.

        Woe be one who is and pulls that shit like that.

    2. I would never do anything to harm my neighbors, but, if that happened to somebody else, I wouldn’t be shocked if the neighbors’ house burned down while they were in it. Not that I would do that kind of a thing.

  27. When did this change? I am only 34, and this was definitely not the way I was raised. From the time I was six, I walked home from school on my own. At 11, holy shit, I could go all over the town. We all could. I could also spend the night in the middle of the woods on my own in Boy Scouts with only a few items to make a shelter (doubt they allow that any more). I can’t imagine having the confidence to be an independent adult human being without these experiences.

    Plus, who needs to eat, or even drink water, every hour and a half?

    Fuck it, I’m moving to the middle of nowhere. I am going to be damned if I am going to raise my son to believe he always needs to be in Mommy or Daddy’s sight at age 11. Sheesh.

    1. Look dammit! There’s a War On Dehydration!

    2. I walked home every day for five years in middle school and I weren’t ever moe-lested.

      1. you were in middle school for five years?

        1. Dumb and ugly. That sucks.

      2. In Jr High (7th to 9th), ages 12 to 14, anyone who lived within a mile of the school had to arrange their own transportation. I walked 0.9 miles each way, everyday.

    3. I’m going to make all the door locks on my house remote controllable over the internet. So the kid doesn’t need a key. The door will just mysteriously open for him via a smartphone.

      1. I use Wink. I like it.

      2. We have a key under some statue in the back yard. My kids might still have decided to stay outside though.

        1. I hide my key in a dog turd. My wife suggested a fake one, but what the fuck does she know!

    4. Hell, at 12 I was walking through the woods carrying a Springfield 30 aught-6, knowing my father was somewhere within a mile or so. I knew how to make it back to the car.

  28. My head just exploded. I hate people.

  29. That was civil court. Next, Cindy and Fred will head to criminal court to plead “not guilty” to the neglect charge. Naturally, they hope the entire case will be dropped.

    I know it’s too much to hope that the presiding judge throws the case out, tells the prosecutor to stop wasting the court’s time, and then takes the prosecutor, the CPS fuckwits, and the cops who arrested the parents and took their kids away out back and beats them all with a rubber hose. But a guy can dream

    ***The above is intended as hyperbole, and is not to be taken seriously as atrue threat. The commenter does not have the time or intention to travel to FL and actually beat the individual named with a rubber hose, or the capability to psychically manipulate the judge who presides over the case to do so***

    1. You don’t understand this is SERIOUS.

      What if there was a runaway wood chipper in the neighborhood? The children could have been harmed. Suppose a Judge lived in the neighborhood? It is very important to see that no harm comes to Judges. To think otherwise is to hate fascists. And everyone knows that is not only wrong. It is not allowed.

      1. “To think otherwise is to hate fascists.”

        Reminds me of this guy:…..scists.jpg

        His “threat” was more credible than anything written by Reason’s “commenting peanut gallery”.

    2. It would be nice if judges were given the right to fire government employees on the spot.

      1. “It is terrible to contemplate how few CPS bureaucrats are hanged.”–G.K. Chesterton’s grandson

        …whose antisocial and violet attitude, by the way, I deplore and in no way endorse.

        1. *violent*, dammit. (If the folks at Reason don’t make an edit feature available soon, they deserve to–well, be spoken to sharply in a manner that in no way involves bullets, nooses, or woodchippers.)

    3. Having some experience in this matter, I expect that unless they demand it there will be no trial…

      They will be offered one of two things:

      1) a chance to plead no contest and be offered a continuance without a finding of fact while they are on probation; if they don’t have any run ins with the state and carry out the terms of probation, at the end of the period, the judge throws out the case and they don’t have a conviction on their record.

      2) Pretrial probation: In that case there is no plea. At the end of the probation, if they completed the terms of the probation the charges get dismissed and it’s the same as if the judge threw out the charges prior to reaching trial.

      Generally, option (2) requires the consent of the victim/complainant, and my guess is that the heartless bitches* at DCF will not accept anything less than a trial and/or a plea other than not guilty.

      1. Ooops! I forgot!

        * That comment is hyperbolic and metaphorical; I am not alleging that people who work for DCF are female dogs lacking a cardiovascular system.

        1. My wife told me a ‘friend of a friend’ story from the States where a family went through a similar ordeal a few years back. Long story short, the mother never really overcame the trauma. Not everyone can shrug being told you’re a bad parent.


    1. Guess they won’t keep YOU off the list going to the DOJ.

      1. Are you kidding? The Norse Diety of Chaos might actually be able to send someone to Hel for offending him. Of course that is assuming that Loki actually is Loki and not just taking His name in vain.

        1. In Batman’s name, Amen.

        2. That’s Valhalla…..hell is for wimps.

          1. No, Hel is the correct afterlife. Valhalla is for people who die in battle, not people who can’t control their server squirrels.

    2. They had to downgrade the servers to pay the legal bills.

    3. Maybe they need your donation to fix the comments.

  31. Time for that family to move out of Florida.

  32. On a more serious note. How disconnected are neighbors from each these days?

    In this case, one would assume they at least knew each other on a basic level? Enough for each to conclude they’re not a threat to each other and community?

    I don’t get it. My buddy used to walk from school in the 80s and be home alone for 1hr before his parents came home. We’d just hang out, eat cake and watch cartoons or go play in his yard.

    Something has gone drastically wrong along the way since then.

    1. This. I am not super close with my neighbors, but I know them well enough where I think (hope?) they would never call the cops for seeing my son alone in the yard.

      My one neighbor is a cop (don’t hate me!) and I feel pretty good about being on his good side where he won’t fuck with me. He also seems to be one of the good ones, but I could be wrong.

    2. That “something” is known as the 90’s. Remember – Satanic Day Care moral panics and the recovered memory craze?

      1. Yes I do.

        And believe me, it spooks me enough to keep my distance at the daycare – and my sister agrees.

        You just never know.

    3. I suspect they probably had an argument/ feud with one of their neighbors, and this was that fuckhead’s way of getting even. It’s pretty fucked up that people would do something like that over what was probably a petty disagreement, but there’s a lot of shit heads out there.

    4. How disconnected are neighbors from each these days?


      I went to school in the 80s as well and remember when neighborhoods were little communities. Not so much anymore. Not sure what happened, but it sucks.

    5. Years ago I had a feud going with a neighbor. Long story short it was not worth it. There is no winner and I learned my lesson.

      I’m tight with my neighbors now, even the crazy cat lady. 4 of us have keys to each others houses and look out for one another. It makes things pleasant.

    6. My guess is the neighbor hates basketball. When I was 8 or 9 I had a neighbor complain about me playing basketball in my driveway because of the noise. At 3:30 in the afternoon. They complained to ME, not the police, but still.

      And some people just hate kids. DCFS employees for example.

    7. I actually think the internet and mobile devices have a lot to do with this.

      I see a lot of people glued to devices now days. The speed and quantity of communications have gone way up. But the quality has also gone down in many cases. Not very family is like this, but I have seen a lot of kids being raised so digitally that they don’t even know their neighbors. Too many people are worried about stats. How many FB friends they have, likes on a post and so on…

      I grew up in the 80s too. We played outside, knew our neighbors at least good enough…, I walked home from school from the time I was about 7 or 8 years old. We used to go catch snakes in the hills, chase girls, work on cars with our dads. Cant do that anymore. Not with the current local agencies these days. These agencies like stats too. They like to show how many of the poor children they have saved from being neglected or put in harm’s way.

      These days you need to keep your kid in a plastic bubble wrap just to avoid questioning from the law or local neighborhood parents.

  33. My favorite part is where the cop takes a piss in their yard. FYTY

    1. Does why start with a Y?

      1. Fuck You. That’s YOU!

        1. Fuck You, That’s Yurination?

    2. Indecent exposure? Whipping his dick out with a minor close by? Where are the charges!?

      1. Rules are for the little people, not the King’s Men.

  34. Wow, there sure are a lot of Judge Chippers in these parts. Look at them all, diving feet first into this thread. Venting here really relieves the stress of the daily grind, I have to say. Oh well, back to work. Chop chop!

    1. Well I said something about ax murder and feeling chipper and irrational exuberance. And it went into the bit bucket.

      Things are getting twitchy here.

  35. “…the responding officer found our yard good enough to relieve himself in while our son sat in a police car alone.”

    Someone should call the cops on that negligent bastard.

    Also, WTF? He pissed in their yard? Is their yard within 1000 yards of a school?

    1. Clearly he belongs on a sex offender list. I’ll bet he shook it more than twice, too.

      1. If you shake it off, how do you get it back on? *rimshot*

  36. OT but related and will help soothe the aching balls from the nutpunch this story is:

    So my 12 year old 6th grader has ADHD and some other behavioral issues that make it difficult for him to fit in. Nothing major, you’d notice the hyperactivity if you spent 10 minutes around him but the other stuff is very subtle and mostly deals with his not understanding boundaries of social relationships. Basically he is often blunt and honest to the point of being rude. This has made him the target of a few bullies and 6th grade has just been miserable for him.

    Also while he is not a violent kid he’s not afraid to stick up for himself or fight back and he does have a temper. This has left him with a reputation of being someone who might be dangerous among the other students.

    So last week someone apparently started a rumor that he had a “kill list” and another kid that he didn’t know well asked him about it to which he responded “Yeah but it only has 3 names on it and you’re not one of them so you’re safe” and the kid freaked out and went to the teachers.

    1. Amazingly, no cops were called and his only “punishment” was a 2 day in school suspension which was more so that the school could quash the rumours that were flying around and prevent my son from being further targeted by the other students than to actually punish him. He did have to have a conversation with the school resource officer (a town cop) who made it clear that he did not believe that my son had any such list or that anything criminal occurred but he just wanted to make sure he felt safe and knew he could come talk to the teachers or himself if he needed to vent about the kids he has problems with rather than talking to the other students about it.

      So for as bad as all the stories of zero tolerance policies and idiotic school and police forces we hear are there are still some pockets of sanity out here in the real world.

      1. but he just wanted to make sure he felt safe and knew he could come talk to the teachers or himself if he needed to vent about the kids he has problems with

        And I hope you told him this is a really bad idea.

        Getting the kids used to running to the authorities is brainwashing. And sets them up to be investigated BY the authorities when they’re adults.

        1. Normally I would agree with you but in this case the people at the school in question are frankly speaking remarkable, they are the antithesis of every horror story we hear about schools these days.

          Unfortunately since that school only runs through 6th grade it is his last year there.

          1. The advice they gave him ONLY applies at this school. I think you get that, just hope your kid does.

            1. Yeah I scared the shit out of him when I showed him the story about the kid arrested for having a “kill list” that ran through here a few months back.

          2. I wouldn’t call a 2-day suspension for a sarcastic remark a sane response.

            1. In school suspension.

              Basically he had to do his class work in the principals office for 2 days and like I said, they were mostly doing it to protect him while they managed the rumour mill

              1. Thanks for correcting my misread.

      2. I’ll bet he has four names on his list now.

      3. Rasilio,

        Your story strikes a chord. My nephew has the same condition and if not for the Herculean effort of his mother, I shudder to think where he’d be today (he’s 20). He’ll never be ‘normal’ but he’s functional and has managed to get some friends. He’s a character that people tend to like despite his weirdness and nervous ticks. I remember all the issues at school and dealing with child services and cops and of course pills over the years since he was barely five years-old. No clue how she didn’t fall over with a heart attack.

        But there is a positive spin to this story. Because of my sister fought for him tooth and nail to the point of taking up a sub teacher job at his high school and educating she built herself quite a name (which in part explains why the daycare does so well – when people find out ‘Maria’ is involved they want in). And result was he was given a special reward for having persevered against the odds at his graduation. It was a truly remarkable story and surprise.

        1. Did/does your kid play hockey?

          1. Sorry, “her kid”

            1. Actually, he did – ball hockey. He’s no athlete. But he loves sports and because he’s basically autistic, knows all the history and stats of very sports.

              In addition, he’s a massive music fan. His knowledge of music by the time he was 15 was staggering.

              1. One other key ingredient I think worked for us. We’re basically a highly neurotic family built on a good bed of humor. Everything with us is about joking. We tease, we badger, we swear. Boy, do we tease. Even when there’s a fight it usually ends up in laughs because we’re wired to do so.

                So my nephew learned to use humor as a coping mechanism.

                We call him ‘chooch’.

        2. Plus, she always made sure she kept notes, communicated with public officials and so on because she understood the odds were against her should anything happen. Worse, because he couldn’t control his temper or cope with changes, he would call the police for the stupidest things. But because the cops knew her, they never took him away.

          His uncles, including me, had a nice talk going along the lines of ‘if you call the cops again, we’ll show you real pain.’ He got the message. Now he just calls his grand mother – my mother.

          That’s how far things went.

    2. “Yeah but it only has 3 names on it and you’re not one of them so you’re safe”

      You’re doing this right, Ras.

      The Boy also has behavioral issues, which he seems to be growing out of. But, he was always taught to have the last punch in, much to the chagrin of the wife-unit. Happily, he never had to.

  37. Reading a constant stream of stories like this doesn’t lend itself to a positive outlook on the future.

    Also, I think I’m sad that I missed 7:01 on The Day of the Woodchippers. Apparently something cool happened then.

    1. I like what you did here. I’m thinking that this shall be a new national holiday when the libertarians finally found Libertopia.

  38. I have to ask. Was there a woodchipper in the yard ? You know how dangerous those things can be.

    1. There is a roving wood chipper in the neighborhood. It is known to be semi intelligent as it only attacks people from the DOJ. And police. And DCFS. Well I think Chipper (his name) has a list. Won’t none of them be missed. (a reference to the Mikado – a satirical play about government)

      1. Of course I was only referring to my own concern for that poor child’s safety !!!!!!

  39. Not sure which are more deserving of a heavenly place that has no mulch, the neighbor or the goons that took the children.

  40. Murderous rage.

    I can forgive the neighbor only if they didn’t realize that the cops would steal the children for a month and charge the parents with felony neglect.

    The CPS workers? I hope they die slowly of a painful disease, alone, reviled by society as pariahs, hated and abandoned by their children and everyone they ever knew, in poverty.

    1. The neighbor is highly likely just another useful idiot, who probably learned nothing from this experience.

      1. Sadly, you’re probably right. They probably heard about the story and concluded something along the lines of ‘next time leave work earlier because children.’

        1. Recently a co-worker told me this story. As point of reference, co-worker lives in an upper middle class 90+% white neighborhood.

          So, he was having issues with his cable and called the cable company. Cable company sends out guy, who had to climb a utility pole outside to inspect something about the problem.

          A couple of minutes later, another knock on his door, my co-worker answers and one of the neighbors is standing there, looking alarmed. Then the neighbor blurts out ‘There’s some black guy on the pole behind your house!’. Co-worker tells him, ‘umm, that’s the cable guy’.

          Imagine if neighbor would have called the cops. Cable guy would have probably been shot 15 times while reaching for some pliers.

          These are the type of busy body idiots that surround us. There is no escape. We’re doomed as a society.

          1. *shakes head*

            Cable guy that was probably wearing a safety vest with CableCo logo on the back, hardhat, wearing a tool belt, and driving a van with CableCo in big letters on the side. Do the bad guys in your co-worker’s neighborhood walk around in gaffs too?

          2. Yeah but you are too young to remember the great black cable pole scare of ’39.

    2. Hazel, sigh, don’t forget your disclaimer.

    3. You mean like a Greek pensioner?

      1. Like a Greek pensioner who was once a Nazi concentration camp guard.

    4. Most people don’t know these sorts of things happen because they don’t spend as much time getting their balls kicked by H&R as we do.

    5. I can forgive the neighbor only if they didn’t realize that the cops would steal the children for a month

      I can’t and wouldn’t.

      A kid is hooting hoops in his own yard and your first and only thought is to call the police?

      I hope they enjoy loud Swedish metal, played at all legal hours of the day. The speakers just happen to be pointed at your house. Massive coincidence.

      1. Yeah, agreed. Even without knowing the ramifications of calling the cops in this particular case, the neighbor is either an idiot or a bastard. Unless something is on fire, someone is getting assaulted, a robbery is in progress…Don’t. Call. The. Cops.

        1. Even in those situations it can be dicey. Fire, yes. Assault and robbery will likely be over by the time they show up – ’round my neck of the woods (the barrio) it can be anywhere from 3 hours to 1 week before PD shows up, takes a report, and then puts it in the memory-hole.

    6. I would only consider forgiving the busybody if they could give a logical reason for calling the cops.

  41. I have lived in New York City most of my life. Upon retiring I bought some property in Florida having heard it’s a place where government is limited, taxes and regulation are under control and individual freedom is valued and protected. Guess again.
    If I were the head of this family, I’d be on my way out of the state as soon as possible. The only question is “where to?”

    1. Escape from America. Yes, there is nowhere to go, but there are lots of countries which are not this level of retard about ‘the children’. We’ve created a monster, completely out of control.

      1. Every State and country is a police state, you merely choose the one whose enforcement priorities leave you ignored. For example, Singapore is the shiznit if your thing is commerce, but if your thing is smoking a bowl DO NOT GO THERE. Seattle is the shiznit if your thing is smoking a bowl, but if your thing is commerce DO NOT GO THERE.

        1. My point is, there are lots of countries who will pretty much leave you alone, until they know you have some money and want some of it. But you would never have to worry about the government kidnapping your 11 year old from your own yard, or about a neighbor calling he cops because your own kid was playing in your yard. I

          1. I was agreeing with you. If you want to raise a free range kid, Japan seems like a nice place, but then if you also want to keep your gun collection….

            1. The best option is to live somewhere where you don’t have any neighbors. or they can’t see what’s going on in your yard.

              1. That’s one of the reasons I like my rural abode in Indiana so much.

    2. CPS would tell the parents that once they’re charged with a felony, they are not allowed to leave the state. Who would monitor their compliance?

  42. but the responding officer found our yard good enough to relieve himself in while our son sat in a police car alone.

    You’ve gotta be kidding me. For normal peons, that’s two arrestable offenses right there, one of which gets him on the sex offender list. And he works for CPS!

    1. Oops, I realize that that’s a cop, not CPS person. Not that it makes it any better.

    2. Correction:

      One of which would get ‘you’ on a sex offender list. This is one of the Kings noble knights were talking about. Laws are for the peasants.

      1. Qualified immunity! Bitches.

      2. Not in Florida. Public urination is the only crime involving nudity that doesn’t get you on the sex offender registry, even if you do it in front of a minor.

        1. I know what I’m doing next vacation!

  43. I’m curious why he didn’t have a key.

    1. Who knows? Maybe the human parents were in a hurry that morning and forgot to give it to him.

    2. I’ll bet you are concerned too!

    3. Dangerous metal object. Coming home from *school*, don’t you know.

    4. Kinda the wrong takeaway from the article.

    5. Actually the article says that this is not a normal situation, he didn’t have a key because normally his mother is home when he gets home, that day she happened to be delayed by weather and traffic.

      1. The state should be sued for not regulating the traffic.

      2. And here we see the subtle sexism of the current CPS regime. How the fuck are you supposed to raise children and not be a stay-at-home mom with this bullshit? If we’re going to be charging parents with felonies because they aren’t home at 3:30PM in the afternoon, we’re basically telling them it’s illegal for them ot have a job.

  44. The opposing lawyers went into the judge’s chambers and came out every so often. The family’s lawyer explained what was going on. “They were arguing on whether or not the kids should go to foster care or with us,” said Cindy. This went on for hours.

    Emphasis added. I trust Cindy received a transcript of that conversatHAHAHAHAHAAA!! Damn, couldn’t quite get it out!

  45. Government sure is just another word for the things we do together.

    The delicious irony of this statement is suddenly apparent to me.
    I think I will start using it every time government does something horrible and unjust to people.

    1. Government is just another word for the things we do to each other.

      1. And freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose…

  46. I hope these CPS agents [redacted on advice from counsel] with their [redacted] and the donkey they [redacted] with their stupid, inbred [redacted].

  47. I really have no words for this bullshit. The sharp pain in my nutsack isn’t helping.

  48. Government is just another word for the things we all complicit in.

  49. The opposing lawyers went into the judge’s chambers and came out every so often. The family’s lawyer explained what was going on. “They were arguing on whether or not the kids should go to foster care or with us,” said Cindy. This went on for hours.

    Emphasis added. I trust Cindy received a transcript of that conversatHAHAHAHAHAAA!! Damn, couldn’t quite get it out!

    Lawyers gotta eat too.

    And drive nice cars, and live in nice houses, and … well, there you go.

  50. Whichever bastard at CPS authorized this should be hauled out onto the courthouse steps and forcibly married to Judge Katherine B. Forrest (S.D.N.Y.).

    1. You may now kiss the bride’s clitdong

      1. You now will kiss the clitdong, you homotransphobe.

        1. You accuse me of being homotransphobic? I’ll have you know, good xir, that I reserve the hottest portions of hell for such unenlightened scum.


          1. I identify as hell-kin and I AM DEEPLY OFFENDED BY YOUR THREATS.

    2. Forcible marriage sounds like violence to me. Feds, are you listening?

  51. The State’s actions create more libertarians than our pithy comments ever could.

  52. Assuming there is not more to the story than in a perfect world both the neighbor and any government officials involved would be tortured and then executed with all of their assets being disbursed to the victims here.

    1. Lucky you didn’t mention the name or title of any government official.

      1. Good luck turning that comment into anything even if I did name names. I do hope horrible things happen to all of these people but not by my hand. I’ll just be the guy wildly cheering.

  53. Articles like this should include the names of the officers and CPS agents. They think themselves heroes and I think they should be identified so they can get the public acclaim that they are entitled to. CPS is the most unaccountable agency in the government. Hiding behind the mantra of protecting children, CPS destroys families and acts as a firebomb for feuding neighbors. Kmer Rouge Communists would give children guns, here we give them CPS.

    1. At least the CPS has staying power.

    2. This is the only media coverage of the story, no Florida news outlet covered it as far as I can tell.

      We are only getting the parents’ side of it. We’d probably be even more outraged if we got the state’s side of the story.

  54. I’m sorry, they try to take my kids, I grab my weapon* and get them back. Then I let the chips** fall where they may.

    *Drone with a custom built woodchipper attached.
    **Wood chips, obviously.

  55. Forget the abuse of government, but this article is poorly sourced and based on anecdotal evidence. I’ll save my outrage until there’s a source (including an arrest record, the agencies responsible, etc).

  56. The weirdest aspect of this whole story (not the worst, just the weirdest) is the cop pissing in the family’s yard after seizing the kid. It’s right out of the Big Lebowski.

    “Thus ever to negligent parents, Cindy!”

  57. As an acquaintance once asked, “What’s the difference between a social worker and a pit bull? You might get your children back from a pit bull.”

    1. As the owner of two pit bulls, the key difference is that pit bulls like kids. And not with barbecue sauce. Unless the kid’s feeding them barbecue sauce, in which case they’ll follow that kid to the gates of hell.

      Metaphorically speaking, because I would certainly never advocate allowing children or dogs to walk anywhere unsupervised.

      1. I’m sure you didn’t realize, sir, that your dogs are a ‘dangerous breed,’ and if you’re letting them near children I’m going to have to call CPS. Since similar dogs are sometimes used to fight other dogs it only follows they eat human children whole – plus, just like semi-automatic ‘assault weapons’ they look scary and should be outlawed. Also, giving kids bbq sauce is abuse since it will make them fat. You sure aren’t winning father of the year. ::Statist busybody::

        *shudder* even jesting about calling CPS made me feel dirty.

  58. I grew up in Florida. A similar situation happened to me many times growing up (ride my back home, find my parents out, shoot hoops while I waited for them to get back). Little did I know that my parents were dangerous monsters for condemning me to engage in athletics for 30 minutes and that, had the state learned of their despicable actions, it could have saved me by putting me in the care of an impoverished foster care provider who would have provided me with an affordable diet of cereal. Sadly, my parent were not caught and were thus able to raise me without state intervention. As a result, I grew up to be a highly paid consultant with an Ivy League education. Ahhh, if only the state been put in charge of my welfare, then I might be luxuriating in the glorious freedom of a gutter right now – instead I’m cooped up in an office. Woe is me.

    1. Damn, dude, that sucks.

  59. The only felony charges here should be for the feeble minded CPS agents and the ass-wipe judge.

  60. I get changing the people’s names to protect the innocent, but how about at least telling us where the fuck in Florida this happened? My family is moving there soon so this concerns me.

    If not a city, how about a county?! Florida is a huge state, and things are much different in northern FL (in the Bible Belt) than down south.

  61. Wait, the cop peed in their yard? wouldnt that be some sort of potential charge? Littering? Urinating in public? Exposure around a child?

  62. Dear NSA:

    I don’t condone putting the snitch or the cops or any of the CPS bastards in a wood chipper.

    However, if they were to accidentally fall into a wood chipper, I probably wouldn’t cry. Is that OK? or would crying be mandatory in that case?

    1. I would imagine that crying would be necessary. But remember, they won’t stop until you profess your undying love for Big Brother.

      1. Yeah, because those could be tears of joy, you know.

  63. I’m late for the show, as usual, but OMG this is nuts!

    1. Thankfully, there were no such stupid laws when I and my sister were growing up, or they would have taken us from our parents, too.

  64. I would express my opposition to the behavior of those acting on behalf of the state, but I don’t want the state to subpena Reason for my records.

  65. you all realize they have created a new division at the DOJ to specifically read all reason comments. we are creating jobs and helping the economy! hello to all the DOJ employees, and now go fuck yourself

  66. If true as written…it’s outrageous of course.

    But let’s not forget the Rolling Stone mess – they took a story that looked too good to check and ran with it, and now look.

    I need some kind of independent sourcing that would confirm that what this article says happened, did happen.

    Ms. Skenazy is a veteran reporter so doing this without disclosing the family’s identifying information should not be difficult.

    1. What we need is links to court cases. If the civil case was dropped, there probably won’t be one to link to. We’ll have to see how far the criminal case goes. An actual lawyer may be able to correct me.

  67. Gee, what state was it that JEB was Governor of?
    I’m sure that he had nothing to do with what goes on at CPS.

    1. No child left alone!

      1. You son of a bitch, you stole my handle.

  68. Bring out the ropes, we have members of an oppresive Govenrment to hang. Damn busy-bodies… seems they must be well funded with our tax dollars to waste on stuff like this.

  69. I was one of the kids taken by the state over 30 years ago, Good luck vs CPS. Basically the state OWNS your kids, and the states graciously allows you to care of ‘your’ children and pay all costs for them as a favor to you. My experience was nightmare, physical abuse from the foster parents/other fosters, and the state charging you for any infraction to the max, run away to get home? that’s contempt of court. Take a pedal bike in your run away now you have a theft charge. What horrendous crime did i do to have this happen to me, I skipped school due to constantly being targeted by other kids for being the fat nerd. Why go to class and eat shit when I had a great book to read?
    It has taken me over 20 years to get to ok with that part of my life.

    1. Wow, man, I’m really sorry that happened to you. It’s good for people to hear about it, though, so they understand how diabolical these fuckers really are.

    2. You really ought to tell people about this more. You WANTED to be with your parents. For them to put you in foster care, where you were ABUSED, just because you were cutting class is horrendously unjust.

      I would love to hear more stories from children who were taken away for unjust reasons, children who wanted to go home to their families and were punished for it. Perhaps that will be the thing that makes people finally wake up.

      By the way, I hope you have reestablished contact with your parents and family now, and are able to continue to have relatively normal relationships with them.
      If not, you really should.

    3. Check your privilege.

  70. more grist for the woodchipper

  71. So my parents were apparently hardcore fucking criminals. I ran the streets at 11 years old from 3 – 6 pm every single day. Shockingly I’m still breathing. Oh the horror!

  72. Anything I have to say about CPS, the police and the judge would just end up with Reason getting another subpoena. So I’ll bite my tongue.

    But one more reason why calling the police is so often a bad idea.

  73. Never call the cops to “help” someone.

  74. And this is why you should own enough land that you cannot be seen by your neighbors.

  75. This will not end until about 3000 people or more show up at the DHS office and demand change. It would be helpful if they are all appropriately and redundantly armed.
    There are so many kids living in drug and alcohol houses with violence and traumatic conditions. This seems to be an isolated situation for that family.

    The neighbor needs to be dropped off in the middle of North Dakota with one shoe and a loin cloth.

    1. The neighbor needs to be dropped off in the middle of North Dakota with one shoe and a loin cloth.

      Why do you want to send him on vacation with me? (I do primitive camping for fun)

  76. One thing I wonder about, seriously, is whether we’re better off w statutes on things like “abuse” that are vague, or w much more specific & definite law on what constitutes it or like offenses or violations. I can see pluses & minuses.

    1. Examples would be specifying durations of time children of specific ages could be kept w/o specific things. Is it better for laws to be flexible on these details or not?

      Almost all of narcotics prohib’n is based on the concept of “substance abuse” or “drug abuse”, often using that word in statutes & regs, and left either undefined or subject to various definitions. “Drug abuse” is based more specifically on the concept that an article is a “drug”, i.e. something for health-related use, & that therefore it should be used only to improve or maintain health or for other purposes deemed to be “medical”.

  77. The sqrlz be very active in this weather, it seems.

  78. CPS = Criminal Pieces of Shit

    The entire agency should be in jail for child endangerment and abuse.

    The incompetence starts at the top and goes all the way to the bottom of the cesspool.

    1. how is this justice? at a minimum the entire Florida CPS should be fired…and it would make sense if they all(including the judge) had to be locked in a room with only cereal to eat as a just punishment for what they did to that kid. Clearly voting is the best way to achieve this goal…anyone no of a candidate I can peacefully vote for who is willing to advocate for this?

      I am not not not advocating sticking the judge in a wood chipper as that is way too harsh…but something in the middle between being fired and wood chipper seems reasonable in a purely philosophical realm.
      if there are not politicians advocating the judge and CPS employees being fired then I would consider the democratic and peaceful options.

      If there happens to be a woodchipper candidate that I could peacefully and democratically vote for I would do that. That is because I am such a peaceful person and do believe in democracy and freedom and my country and freedom USA!.

  79. I’m trying to figure out why this wasn’t thrown out of court at the speed of a redline stapler.

  80. Pay the fine, kickstarter the lawsuit. Sue them for everything you can. Appeal to high heaven.

  81. Whoever reported the parents for this should be taken out back and shot out of a wood chipper.

    1. Okay I am an evil person. I literally Laughed Out Loud at that permutation of the obviously not to be taken seriously bit of internet hyperbole making the rounds in this hive of scum and villainy.

  82. One wonders where and when this sort of thing might end.

  83. I’m so screwed if someone calls the cops on me…my 9 year old walks to school and back by herself most days, my three year old plays in the backyard by herself and I’ve accidentally locked my 9 year old out of the house once, but Jesus can’t a neighbor be bothered to help out ? Oh and forget how many days my kids miss school because they claim to be too ill to go…I’m at the mercy of public school administrators and my nosy neighbors….it’s going to take a federal court case to get these evil doers off the backs of good parents just trying to get by….

    1. I “lol”ed at this comment.

      Can you imagine what would happen today if your 4 1/2 yr old son took his

  84. My aunt and uncle had a bar in their family room. For family parties, the kids all where required to serve the adults drinks. So at 7 I was making gin & tonics or whiskey sours. Probably would get my parents arrested today.

  85. Fucking nosey ass neighbors needs to learn to mind their god damn business and stay out of the affairs of other families. I swear to god that if a travesty like this happens to my family in the future I will personally beat the living fuck out of my neighbor

    1. But isn’t this an incentive to make friends w your neighbors, & isn’t that a good thing?

  86. “One afternoon this past April, a Florida mom and dad I’ll call Cindy and Fred…”

    Cool story, bro.

  87. This is like a nightmare and I’m astounded this kind of thing can even happen. I think this is evidence that we are becoming a police state. Otherwise, people in authority wouldn’t behave like this.

    1. Becoming?? We already are and have been for years!! No one is immune just wait til a neighbor or a family member is woken up by abusive officers and beaten up and accused of something you did not do, and take your children from you at gunpoint and treated like a common criminal for years as you lose everything and still do not get their kids back! Wake up!This traumatizes children by the way it is not in their best interest!!

  88. This is a profoundly fucked up story – disturbing.

  89. I will not threaten a single soul, but I will pray to the Almighty, you hear me God? If you have not forsaken this entire world but most particularly this country – that so many claim Your Blessings upon – then smite these mother fuckers to the edge of eternity. Please start oh Lord with the cowardly shit-head who called police rather than walk next door to check on this child’s welfare. Then Ever the Merciful, rebuke the police with goiters and pestilence as only You can, followed by raining down your Just Wrath upon those of CPS and Family Court. Leave not a body standing and all of those involved in perpetrating this unholy Offense cast out from Your presence and damned to Satan’s eternal bureaucracy of unfinished paperwork and no coffee breaks. I implore you Lord to not weaken in Your resolve to visit upon these miscreants the Divine judgement they so surely deserve.

    And to any officer of the court who would deem these a true threat I say unto thee, verily thou shalt eat shit and die, and trouble this world no more.

    1. dear baby jesus…I make the same prayer as juris imprudent, but only if it works as part of your larger plan could you also use a wood chipper? amen

  90. I will not threaten a single soul, but I will pray to the Almighty, you hear me God? If you have not forsaken this entire world but most particularly this country – that so many claim Your Blessings upon – then smite these mother fuckers to the edge of eternity. Please start oh Lord with the cowardly shit-head who called police rather than walk next door to check on this child’s welfare. Then Ever the Merciful, rebuke the police with goiters and pestilence as only You can, followed by raining down your Just Wrath upon those of CPS and Family Court. Leave not a body standing and all of those involved in perpetrating this unholy Offense cast out from Your presence and damned to Satan’s eternal bureaucracy of unfinished paperwork and no coffee breaks. I implore you Lord to not weaken in Your resolve to visit upon these miscreants the Divine judgement they so surely deserve.

    And to any officer of the court who would deem these a true threat I say unto thee, verily thou shalt eat shit and die, and trouble this world no more.

  91. I challenge anyone to give me good reason why I should not consider the busybody neighbor who called the cops a worthless human being.

  92. Comrade – only central committee knows what’s best for you and your family

  93. The RICO and treason that has been practiced in the Family law court in the name of title V and Iv federal funding has been going on for way too long!!! Parents such as the ones mentioned in this article are dealt a card of injustice. They are dealt fraud! Our children grossed our nation $7 Billion last year alone. Not only that but 1 out of 17 families is an actual abuse case. That leaves 16 innocent and loving families such as the one mentioned in the aforementioned article to be handcuffed in the middle of the worst nightmare you can possibly think of. You are not allowed to speak in your defense in the court room your defense paperwork is either not accepted or submitted but completely ignored, the judge goes by the falsified reports, hearsay ,and the subjective opinions of a hateful social worker. This is all taken in by the judge as the Bible truth. Meanwhile, your entire family is shattered into an unrecognizable tantamount of chaos and despair. Statistics have proven over and over that a child is 6 times more likely to get abused or murdered in the foster system then if they were left at home. What America has done and continues to do with reckless abandon is ten times worse than what Hitler carried out in Nazi Germany. The Government knows what it is doing, it is intentional and no one is immune. This is the definition of crimes against humanity.

  94. find out which neighbor did it and pit the law against them. complain about EVERYTHING.

    they have a dog? call the cops when it barks.

    they have kids? call the cops when they bark.

    they have a cunt whore of a busy-body wife? call the cops when she barks.


    and if the government takes your kids again, go into their house and put a bullet into every joint in their body.

    fuck these anon tips to police. it is not grounds for arrest. if you wont state your grievance in public, you deserve no voice, you cowardly cunts.


  95. Both my parents worked. I walked home from school and played in the yard for a couple hours each day at the age of six. It must have been when I was about 7 that, from watching my father do it, I figured out how to unlatch the hook that held the backdoor closed and I could wait in the house if I wanted.

    By the age of eleven I had already spent several summers working for my Godfather on his enormous ranch. By the age of eleven I had already been operating dangerous tools for a couple years. By the age of eleven I had already been operating heavy equipment for a year or two.

    Oh, how the times is changed.. FOR THE WORSE!

  96. An *11 year old* can’t play in his own damn yard for an hour.It’s obscene.

    I suppose parents don’t get violent about it because the State has their kids as hostages.

    And what’s better for kids than playing in their own damn yards for an hour?

    Being taken from their parents, kidnapped, and held hostage by the State for months.

    Do it for the children.

    Nut Punch Thursday is going strong.

    1. For all the talk about “fighting obesity,” the gov really wants it to happen…

      Or, maybe all that obesity stuff is just a front for neo-puritan ninnery to regulate our lives and they don’t give a rat’s woodchipper?

      All the while beating up kids. I could really vent my protest in a civilized and articulate manner. By gardening and spreading compost, diligently planting seeds. Over the open pits where the bodies of…plant matter and coffee grounds give their fruits to mother earth Gaia.

  97. Slug line: “11-Year-Old Boy Played in His Yard. CPS Took Him, Felony Charge for Parents.”

    Then I have to read FOURTEEN (14) paragraphs to find out what CPS means. . . . . UNBELIEVABLY shitty journalism!

    Stuff like this moves me to send it all to the spam file.

  98. This is one of the reasons I am coming to truly hate governments.

  99. The same propaganda that spreads fear – in this case, fear about child safety – also turns us against each other. The watchwords are, “See something, say something.” The instruction calls on every individual to turn other people into the state, even if the other person lives in your own neighborhood. The person who called the police in this case had to know that a likely outcome of the call would be that the children would be taken away. I remember a time, and it wasn’t long ago, that a neighbor would have offered the boy a drink of water, and chatted with him to make sure he would be alright. Call the police? In this climate, that is about the most dastardly thing you can do to a neighbor.

    What is the main tool of Child Protective Services? Take children away from their parents. That is not protection. That is cruelty.

    1. They used to take the children away and sell them for profit. Today they just take them away, imprison the parents, then bill the taxpayer. “Progress” is awesome!

  100. Today, we all peed in that yard.

  101. Florida’s friendliest home town!

    O, you mean that Village. “I AM NOT A NUMBER!”

  102. Florida’s friendliest home town!

    O, you mean that Village. “I AM NOT A NUMBER!”

  103. The System is so terribly messed up, I am all for keeping our children safe and we do live in a much different society than when we grew up in the 60’s and 70’s , but come on these people had their lives destroyed for what, why couldn’t the police call their parents , why not get the facts before just hauling them off, was there not a good neighbor they could of went to ? NO THE SYSTEM JUST WANTS TO GRAB AND RUN its a business to them they make money from this kinda thing…so sad so ridiculous, yet we fear others from other countries, sad but we have become a country that we should fear our own Government local as well as Federal.

  104. Myself and my wife have had our grandson since he was 4 months old, we bought all the diapers, food,and have totally taken 100% care of him, yet the mother (stepdaughter ) claims him on her taxes every year and has drawn close to 5,ooo dollars and we or him have seen a cent of this , he is now five and has lived with us all this time ,we call cps they tell oh she didn’t abandon him, she left him in your care, so now the legal hustle goes on, we love our grandson more than anything on this earth, but so tired of being used, he deserves better and we do as well , when he was three years old he use wake up with night sweats crying begging me to protect him from his mommy and not let her take him away. …saddest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, my heart just breaks for this little guy. Yet we can’t get any help to stop this nightmare. can be so unfair….

  105. I any Florida CPS agents came to my house and kidnapped my kids, I would introduce them to Mr. Machine Gun.

  106. This is the exact reason I live in the country. Nosy ass neighbors can kiss my butt. My nearest neighbor can’t even see my yard. This is pitiful that this family had to be put through this because someone can’t mind their own damn business. SAD

  107. Can’t you get the cop for indecent exposure? Tit for twat

  108. There is an ideology behind all this. It states that

    “Family is an outdated concept with it’s vestiges in our tribal roots”.

    It’s written in the Social Work textbooks, previously it was in the Eugenics Manual. Make no mistake about it, your kids are no longer “yours”, they are property of the State. You’ll likely only discover this when a nasty neighbour calls police or CPS. Not only are you investigated once and prosecuted twice under two different Burdens of Proof. In the Family Court you can lose your child forever and not even be accused of any crime or incapacity to care for your children, the Accusation IS the Evidence.

    CPS only get paid for removing children, there is a federal fund that only pays when the child has been “Apprehended” to use their sanitized term. Once in the system it becomes very difficult to get them out. Along with the State employees in the system, there is a huge private Industry which depends on more children being taken, to survive and grow, and it’s growing every year. Children’s NGO’s posing as “Charities” whip up the hysteria to make people believe that we are a nation of child abusers, even though the evidence and crime statistics don’t support their theories.

    Many people don’t even believe that this is happening, until it happens to them. I have been researching the topic for 7 years.

  109. Somewhat OT but tangentially relevant:…..story.html

    Maryland CPS has issued a directive “clarifying” their policy, essentially stating that CPS shouldn’t get involved until specific, identifiable harm or imminent risk is present. Naturally, the wording is such that, while clearing the Meitivs of neglect, it would not preclude the event from happening again. Sadly, it relies on the common sense of CPS agents, which means it’s doomed to fail.

    Still, it’s a nice-ish sentiment.

  110. I won’t believe a word of this “story” until the author names the city where it allegedly happened.

  111. I am a child Protection worker. I generally like your articles, no really like your articles. However, did you check if there was some history with this family that may have prompted this response?
    I could spend hours and days on how ham-handed CPW’s can be but I also know how bad the press can be in what they choose print. Just saying.

    1. What does getting paid with stolen money feel like?

  112. regardless of it being in the USA, Canada or elsewhere, governing bodies are going too far! I remember when I was 3 – 4 yrs of age, the police across what is now metro Toronto, all knew me and my dog by sight as we “traveled” where we wanted and my parents nor siblings could stop us (and they tried). We were notorious for breaking out of our home and short of chaining us up there was no way to stop us. under the current laws in Canada or the states my parents would have been arrested and I would have been thrown into a foster care home with foster care parents that wouldn’t have loved me or cared for me 1 iota as much as my own family. You could bet your last $ that i would have broken out of there and would have disappeared .. keep in mind, there were no national alerts back then, and it was much easier for a child to ” disappear.. especially if he wanted to.

    That person that called the cops on the kid/parents for neglecting their 11 y.o should be the one that was charged and arrested for wasting the police and state resources. s/he was/is just a meddling and vindictive person/s.

  113. And people wonder why I hate the government so much. Look no further than this anecdote, disgusting, it makes one want to throw in with the violent, survivalist crowd. “Lock and Load”. Don’t blame em’, most social workers and police are worth more with their brains splattered on the pavement.

  114. Also, busy body, stool pigeon, nose in business types need those noses smashed. The Stalinist asshole who narced on these parents should have her/his ass kicked, snitches should get stitches.

    1. I think that the bureaucrats who tortured the parents were worse. One neighborhood nut is not an issue. Every neighborhood has a nut. But for the system to be populated by hysterical bullies is very much a problem.

  115. I agree that the parents identities be protected.

    However government officials with little common sense that over reach and actually cause harm to children should not have that protection.

    I ask to publish the Prosecutor and neighbors names involved in this case.
    Public disclosure of those who trample rights helps curb this behavior.

  116. In another time, the person that called, would have gone out to the child, asked if everything is OK, and that would have been the end of it.

    But this story has been the discussion by Dennis Prager this morning on his radio show, and he hasn’t been kind to the child protective service, the police or the person that made the call that started this in motion.

    But how scary is it, your child playing basketball in your yard, and neighbors more likely to call police than to ask the child if anything is wrong

    1. I was just going to say the exact same thing. Couldn’t the asshole neighbors bring the child to their own homes, given him some beverage and snack, and kept a dutiful eye on the kid ? These same asshole neighbors wouldn’t lift a chickenshit finger if a real crime was being committed. They would hide behind their blinds scared of retaliation and pretend they saw nothing. This is always the case with these types of chickenshit people.

  117. Look at the bright side: more and more parents and kids are being turned into enemies of the state.

  118. This is ridiculously insane. Shame on those neighbors. The nanny-state mentality of the court and children’s protective services is crippling families. Lord have mercy.

  119. This is ridiculously insane. Shame on those neighbors. The nanny-state mentality of the court and children’s protective services is crippling families. Lord have mercy.

  120. The only possible response: “What the fuckin’ hell??”

  121. We geezers all probably have stories about our unsupervised childhoods. While idealized in our fading memories, the facts are remarkable.

    As a 9 year old I used to walk a mile to a rocky playground to play baseball (various versions of it, anyway). No water, no bathrooms, no adult protection — and never thought twice about it. Walked home when it got too dark to see the ball (we figured that out for ourselves).

    Today it’s likely this awful Florida CPS crew would have arrested MY parents and spirited me off to some loving foster care home.

  122. People play with fire when they threaten to or actually take children away from parents. That should always be a last resort unless there is evidence of sexual abuse or the child is in fear for their physical well being. Everyone involved from “mandatory” reporters to the social workers to the police officers to the judge should have a certain palpable trepidation at the prospect of having to exercise such an action. Unless the parents are genuine monsters, GOD forbid at the end of all legal recourse any children are permanently removed.

    “There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.” Patrick Rothfuss

  123. It’s FLORIDA. They should be happy the good samaritan neighbor wasn’t George Zimmerman.

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  125. We have gotten to the point where no one has any privacy in their lives any more. Gone are the days when parents took care of their kids, and didn’t have to worry about nosy neighbors calling the police when your kids played out side or walked to the park by themselves.

  126. It really is time to start shooting people. And by the way, when I lived in the city, little black kids were running all over the place. They aren’t sissies like white people are.

  127. If kids attend day camp or daycare, their whereabouts will always be accounted for.

    Did I ever tell you about the time my Day camp miscounted and left me alone in Central Park at age 7?

  128. Talk to David and Angel Cook from Cleburne, Texas about their story – they were vilified in the press and when their children were in foster care, 3 of their boys were physically and sexually assaulted – by another child in foster care.
    I hope these parents have a great attorney who is well-versed in fighting CPS.


  129. In the article it says “someone called CPS and reported the kids” or something like that. If a loving society where people “love their neighbor as themselves”, a neighbor, seeing the kids apparently go locked out – would go to the kids and offer to care for them until the parents got home or whatever. That is what the Exodus 18:22-27 promotes: local government where everyone helps each other. Bring it about – follow here:

    Support “Shut Down, One-Year Restoration” What is that?- close ALL statutory govt. and restore local Exodus 18:22-27 govt. in ONE YEAR after we all agree: Government of the people, by the people, for the people under God’s law NOT MAN’S LAW. God’s law says: “Love your neighbor as yourself”. God’s law says: Get as much as you can from the government by forcing your neighbor to pay for it (communism). READ Declaration and Resolves of the Continental Congress of 1774: they said “statutory law” was the enemy under military rule. It was THEN, it is now. Abolish it. Want to help? E mail to
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  130. We are US military stationed just outside Tokyo, Japan. Another US military family living here left their 5 week old newborn in a hotel (on the 8th floor) to go have breakfast at a restaurant next door. The baby was not even in a proper crib, but was either laying on the floor or a hotel bed. The mother was gone for 45 minutes.
    This mother also has left her off base Japanese house to walk back to a park leaving a then 9 month old, 5 year old and 3 year old alone.
    She has been reported to base police and to family advocacy. And they have done nothing. This past month she was seen holding her 12 month old out a 2nd story window with one arm to entertain her.
    She also home schools her children (no regulation at all for military children overseas), and will sleep in till 12 many days. She posted once on facebook how funny it was her 1 year old daughter peed in her crib at 11:30am in the morning, because the mother had not gotten up yet. All this has been reported. And nothing.

    But these parents of 11 year old, lose their two kids as described in the above article, but not this mother????

  131. It really is time to start shooting people. And by the way, when I lived in the city, little black kids were running all over the place. They aren’t sissies like white people

  132. It really is time to start shooting people. And by the way, when I lived in the city, little black kids were running all over the place. They aren’t sissies like white people arehere

  133. eople play with fire when they threaten to or actually take children away from parents. That should always be a last resort unless there is evidence of sexual abuse or the child is in fear for their physical well being.

  134. My advice to this family is: EMIGRATE.


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