Sex Trafficking

Did You Hear About the Sex Traffickers Abducting Grown Women From Hobby Lobby?

The police "said that this is a common thing," stated the Facebook post gone viral. And yet...

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Maggie McNeill

Lest you need any further indication that sex trafficking has become a genuine Moral Panic, I bring you the tale of Emily Stringer. In late May, Stringer was shopping at her hometown Hobby Lobby in Oklahoma City when she noticed "a middle aged lady" following her around the craft store. Stringer "stuck with (her) instinct" and left abruptly, calling local police afterward to report the incident. "The policeman said that this is unfortunately a common thing," Stringer posted in a subsequent Facebook warning. "They are abducting people for sex trafficking." 

Except…. of course not. There have been no cases of anyone, of any age, being stalked and abducted by sex traffickers at Hobby Lobby or any other Oklahoma City chain store. Outlets from Snopes to The Washington Post tore holes in Stringer's story, and the Oklahoma City police even distanced themselves from the apocryphal anecdote—but not before the post was shared by tens of thousands of people on social media. Within a few days, Stringer's sex-trafficking warning had received 147,000 shares. The police rebuttal, meanwhile, was shared less than 500 times.

JohnTV.com

This is, unfortunately, the kind of thing that fuels public perception of a sex trafficking "epidemic" in America. (Stringer is not alone in her belief that grown women are being snatched up by sex traffickers while running errands.) And public belief in this epidemic is what fuels lawmakers to pass really bad laws to address the problem—laws such as the "Justice for Victims of Trafficking Act" (JVTA), which President Obama signed into law on May 29. 

In a piece for Politico Magazine last week, I highlighted some of the "tough on crime" tactics baked into the JVTA and similar state laws, including mandatory minimum sentences of the variety that are on the way out when it comes to drug sentencing. Even strong opponents of mandatory minimums, such as President Obama and Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ken.), were silent about their inclusion in the trafficking law. In the end, only three members of Congress (all in the House) voted against the JVTA.

One such dissenter was Rep. Bobby Scott, co-chair of Congressional Human Trafficking Caucus, and his objection centered on the new mandatory minimum the JVTA establishes. From my Politico piece: 

Scott is wary of the "the possible scope of defendants who could be prosecuted" under this provision. Known as the SAVE Amendment, it prohibits not just placing an "escort" ad for a minor or someone forced into it but also benefiting financially in any way from the ad—meaning that classified-ad hosting sites could be held criminally accountable as sex traffickers. And the penalty for this trafficking? Mandatory minimum imprisonment of 10 to 15 years.

While this may be justifiable in some cases, those prosecutable could include "all of the employees of the ad company, including the receptionist or the computer guy," said Scott. "The judge should have the discretion to consider all the facts and the culpability of the particular defendant."

The JVTA's approach to the issue of human trafficking is also ascendant in the states, which have each passed a few (if not a few dozen) trafficking laws in the past five years. In Georgia, human trafficking now comes with a mandatory minimum sentence of 10 years, or 20 if the victim is under 18. … In Montana, sex trafficking anyone under 18 comes with a mandatory 100-year prison sentence, albeit eligible for parole or probation after 25 years.

"The alleged increase in domestic human trafficking fuels the sense that these laws are proportionate," I note. "Yet there's no credible research showing that human trafficking has been increasing the U.S." (Read the whole thing here.)

The price of this miscalculation isn't just "a little extra money or time going toward fighting a heinous crime." It's willing sex workers, their associates, and low-level offenders being arrested and locked up when cops can't actually find these alleged trafficking rings (and you can bet the drug war's race and class biases will be repeated). It's civil liberties infringements of all sorts. It's less time and money going to other crime-fighting, and less resources going to programs that might actually help people coerced or forced into prostitution or labor. As Brian Bates at JohnTV writes:

Is human trafficking very real? Yes. … Does any of that give credibility to Cindy's story? Absolutely not. Stop the madness folks. The tactic of fear mongering in the absence of reality ultimately hurts the longterm effort to raise sustained awareness and move the social conscious.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of people with reasons to perpetuate the madness. In response to my Politico piece, for instance, seven women wrote an op-ed ("The Truth About Sex Trafficking") countering my assertion that the JVTA is bad policy. They do this mostly by misrepresenting what I wrote and offering the same statistical distortions I'd tried to expose, with a healthy dose of vague and indignant huffing and puffing. Of the op-ed's seven authors, two hold leadership positions with Rights4Girls, two are with the Coalition Against Trafficking in Women (CATW), one is with ECPAT-USA, and two co-founded the Advisory Council on Child Trafficking—all organizations with a vested interest in promoting a certain narrative about sex trafficking and certain legislative responses to it.

Rights4Girls worked closely with the authors of the JVTA and similar legislation, and is active in lobbying for increased federal funding to fight sex trafficking. (Its founder was also instrumental in getting Craigslist's adult services section shut down.) CATW describes itself as "the world's leading abolitionist organization," states that the best way to end human trafficking is to prosecute men who pay for sex, calls all sex workers "prostituted women," and helped launch "the first federally funded human trafficking task force that became the model for federally funded human trafficking task forces across the country." ACCT is run by volunteers, including several former White House and congressional staffers, D.C.-based political consultants, and the wife of Politico executive editor Jim VandeHei. ECPAT lobbies for anti-trafficking legislation, runs training programs to teach people how to spot trafficking victims, and takes people on sex-trafficking awareness tours of Thailand

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183 responses to “Did You Hear About the Sex Traffickers Abducting Grown Women From Hobby Lobby?

  1. …those prosecutable could include “all of the employees of the ad company, including the receptionist or the computer guy,” said Scott.

    Oh, I’m sure no prosecutor would try to pad the anti-sex trafficking portion of his resume by prosecuting some ad agency’s custodial staff.

    1. Double bonus: taking out the shred bin just became a Sarbanes charge

      1. Gillespie says don’t discuss this: http://popehat.com/2015/06/08/…..eason-com/

        1. Ken White called me an obnoxious asshat. Summon the Grand Jury.

        2. Ken White called me an obnoxious asshat. Summon the Grand Jury.

        3. Oooo … “Blowhard Stupidity.” I like that one. Looks like Popehat follows Tony on twitter…

        4. I hope there is a special place in hell reserved for the U.S District Attorney that issued that subpoena…..*snikers*

    2. maybe not… but looking about just a bit, it is not much of stretch to realise that SOME can, and tus will. How many motorcycle guys are stil behind bars in Waco three weeks after a police massacre, under million dollar bonds, and with NO speicific evidence that they, as individuals, were involved in any crime more heinous tan driving into the car park near that restaurant at the time the coppers opened fire. So here we have a prosecutor using boilerplate warrants (all 170 arrest warrants are identically worded, and include NO specific evidence against ANY of the 170 arrestees.

      Prosecutors can be, and are, as crooked as any other group of public employees. Consider ,too, some of the rotten practices recently evident in Malheyr County Oregon…. when large sums of money with no hint o f”dirty” origin are simply seized by the local gendarmerie, clad in government issued costumes, tin badged and armed….. with never a hint of criminal charges brought against the owners of those funds…… no, prosecutors already have far too many “tools” to use to place, andhold, innocents behind bars. Consider, too, that many of our prisons are for-profit private enterprises. COULD it be that such mandatory minimum sentences, even for the janitor at the advert’s print shop, might play into the hands of the prison operators, and thus encourage some sort of under the table kickback for each person sentenced? Leave a loophole, and some corrupt party WILL walk through it.

  2. There’s another one of those going around that I saw yesterday. Lemme see if I can find it again.

      1. If you can’t see the link, I’ll paste the text. It’s basically OMG YOUR DAUGHTER WAS JUST SOLD INTO SEX SLAVERY!!!

        1. Jesus Christ, people are fucked up

          1. Please, for your own mental health, do not read any of the comments.

            1. Damn you, Charles, luring me in with your reverse psychology.

              1. I assure you that I haven’t unstudied any minds since reading those comments, O’ Moniker of Unknown Meaning.

                On a serious note – I suppose I could have written “Please, for your own mental health, do not read Reason Hit & Run nor yet the comments sections under each article. If, however, you ignore my advice and afterward want to further test your sanity, you can read many of the comments associated with the Facebook page for which PM provided a link.

                /semi-sarc followed by genuine warning”

                Would that have worked?

                P.S. How far did you get before experiencing near-utter dismay?

        2. Taken was based on true events.

        3. I just want to know how I can get in on this action.

      2. Cyndi Malvita
        A guy sends you a friend request. You don’t know him, but he’s got a cute profile picture, so you accept his friend request.
        It’s your baby girl’s first day of school. She looks SO cute in her new outfit you just have to take a picture and put it on Facebook so all your friends and family can see.
        You’re so excited dropping her off that you ‘Check in’ to her school on FB saying
        ‘I can’t believe how big she’s gotten. Time sure flies. One proud momma/daddy right here’.
        Meanwhile, the mystery guy whose friend request you hurriedly accepted earlier this morning is saving that picture you posted of your daughter in her cute new outfit to his phone and texting it to 60 other grown men across the world with the caption ?

      3. ‘American Female. Age 5.
        Brown Hair. Black Eyes.
        $5,000-‘.
        Not only did you provide a picture of your little girl to a child trafficker, you’ve handed him the name and exact location of her school on a silver cyber platter.
        You go to pick her up at 3:00 this afternoon, but she’s nowhere to be found.
        Little do you know, your precious baby girl was sold to a 43 years old pedophile before you even stepped foot off campus this morning, and now she’s on her way to South Africa with a bag over her head, confused, terrified and crying because a man she’s never seen before picked her up from school, and now she doesn’t know where her parents are, where she’s going, or what’s gonna happen to her.
        STOP ADDING STRANGERS ON FACEBOOK
        and
        STOP
        posting everything about your life on Facebook.
        Avoid keeping children’s pictures as profile picture.
        Please SHARE it for the sake of all kids and parents.
        http://www.charliesangelsoutreach.org heart emoticon http://www.facebook.com/caofl

        1. The South Africa bit is the best part.

          1. “Silver Cyber Platter”

            Great name for….something

            1. Boer Naked Perverts!

        2. PSA: This woman can vote. Anarchism: it’s what’s for nonretards.

          1. “Of course i’d prefer to be in anarchy, but then we’d all have to act like adults, wouldn’t we?”

          2. Someone this dumb could be neutralized by just removing party labels from the ballots. That’d be sufficient.

        3. While the story is basically lifted from the awesome movie Taken, that last part is good advice. The internet doesn’t give a shit about your life so stop posting your day-to-day minutiae.

          1. Or from Call of the Wild.

            1. So Buck didn’t go to the wolves on his own free world, he was abducted?

              1. He was stolen at the beginning.

        4. STOP ADDING STRANGERS ON FACEBOOK
          and
          STOP
          posting everything about your life on Facebook.

          These two bits of advice, by themselves are perfectly reasonable.

          1. Well, they’e a start.

            I would have gone with just a plain old “STOP FACEBOOK”, myself.

        5. “Little do you know, your precious baby girl was sold to a 43 years old pedophile before you even stepped foot off campus this morning, and now she’s on her way to South Africa with a bag over her head, confused, terrified and crying because a man she’s never seen before picked her up from school, and now she doesn’t know where her parents are, where she’s going, or what’s gonna happen to her.”

          I laughed really hard at this.

          1. At least your kid is traveling the world and meeting new people.

        6. The really truely mind numbing stupid part of this is the clown car circus that these mythical criminals would have to be operating.

          I mean here you have a jaded sociopath who thinks nothing whatsoever about abducting a 6 year old and selling her into sexual slavery and his primary targeting tool is peoples facebook pages and leaving an IP trail a mile and half long from the girls parents to him.

          A far far easier course would simply be to rent a house across the street from the school and photograph the kids as they walked by and lets face it neither he nor the buyer would give a damn about the kids name

          1. lets face it neither he nor the buyer would give a damn about the kids name

            I mean, cmon, someone illegally purchasing a lil kid isn’t going to have any qualms about renaming it.

        7. Your adorable little five year old asks if she can play outside like the other kids. “Please, Mommy, I’d like to frolic in the yard and see the sun.” So you let her. You keep an eye on her the whole time, and make sure that her leash is securely fastened to the concrete and steel post in the back yard…and you make sure to get her safely inside after just fifteen minutes.

          “Please, Mommy, can’t I have a window like the other kids? I’d like to see the sun more than fifteen minutes a day.” So you hire a contractor and have a window installed in her secure basement bunker.

          The next morning, you go into her room, and she’s gone! A pedophile took pictures of her while she was outside, and broke the window with a rock. He cut the rope you’d secured her with (why didn’t you stay with the chains, even though she said they were uncomfortable?), and now you’ll never see her again.

          And you have only yourself to blame, you sack of human garbage.

      4. Amy Jessina Janssen – My children’s father is playing with trafficking my own daughters. If people want in.. They will get in. Its all in God’s hands. No one is safe.

        So either this person needs get off Facebook and to go to the cops, or she is an attention seeking whore willing to ruin the life of her significant other for a little bit of internet fame.

        1. Yeah, that right there is some Grade A retard

          1. She’s one of the reasons I recommended not reading the comments, above.

        2. She pointedly did not call that person her SO.

          1. Good point. She just wants to ruin her ex’s life. That’s cool.

        3. So standard Facebook serial poster, then.

      5. Ah, Lenore tackled that one recently: http://www.freerangekids.com/s…..is-insane/

        1. Dang. I just saw it yesterday.

          I consider it a victory, though. Of my few hundred odd friends on Facebook, only 1 was retarded enough to click share. I’m pleasantly surprised.

          1. Same here, until I was bombarded with Beau Biden posts.

              1. Nothing like a good old glorified state funeral

              2. Didn’t RTFA, was there a 21 shotgun salute from the balcony?

            1. What a tragedy. I mean the fact that a person actually named their offspring Beau.

      6. Oh God, this is amazing:

        “Why is someone a moron Lisa Schmon Coffman plenty parents do it!!! And there is NO NEED FOR NEGATIVE COMMENTS!!!! IF IT WAS YOUR CHILD DO YOU WANT ME TO CALL YOU A COMPLETE DUMBASS MORON”

        And the argumentum ad 9/11:

        “All these comments full of excuses and “it can’t happen to me” mentality. We thought 911 couldn’t happen. Well, IT DID.”

        1. That’s the great thing about being paranoid. Even a broke clock is right twice a day.

          So, you know that, eventually, you can hold something over everyone’s heads, proving that you were right all along.

          1. Everything happens, eventually.

            BE PREPARED. FOR EVERYTHING.

            1. … Sounds like someone joined Cultfit

  3. They do this mostly by misrepresenting what I wrote and offering the same statistical distortions I’d tried to expose, with a healthy dose of vague and indignant huffing and puffing.

    BREAKING NEWS: Reason contributor finds out that activists are often ends-justify-the-means types, especially if the means is lying their asses off.

  4. This is just a Facebook game. You make shit up, and see how many shares you can get. This isn’t even one of the outrageous ones.

    1. Dude, we should totally conspire to make one up.

      Maybe about a Castle of Doomcock in Cleveland or something….

      1. If we’re successful, it means our friends are retarded. Do you really want to confirm that?

        1. I already know a bunch are retarded. I’m checking on the others….

        2. There is nothing wrong with trying to attain perfect information in the friend marketplace.

        3. Wait a minute- you’re one of my friends. Are you retarded?

          1. If you don’t know who’s retarded – it might be you.

          2. If I know you’re retarded, there’s no way you can know that I’m retarded unless we’re at the same group home.

            1. Kinda depends on how retarded I am, doesn’t it?

      2. hasn’t Cleveland suffered enough?

      3. Is it that there’s a castle called Doomcock in Cleveland?

        Because that may be a tenable way to generate some tourist revenue for Cleveland. Just saying, they could use the tourists.

      4. I know, we’ll say men are going around selling woodchippers door-to-door. If you let them in your back yard, they feed you into the woodchipper, ransack your house and leave no evidence.

  5. No I haven’t. What’s the punch line?

    1. “Nikki IS the worst.”

      1. I’m so bad no one has ever tried to white-slave me.

        I mean, except for the state. But they’re not really trying amirite?

        1. You’re not white enough to white-slave, you Sicilian monster.

          1. +1 Dennis Hopper

        2. It’s not slavery if you consent to it, nicole.

          1. Taxes are the price we pay for civilization, Hugh.

            1. Fun Fact: Nikki is the only person ever to actually locate and sign The Social Contract.

              1. Actually, it’s just an EULA, but instead of shrinkwrap, someone pulls you out of a vagina.

                1. That makes more sense – nobody ever read a EULA they disagreed with and decide ‘nope, I’m not going to use this software’.

    2. What’s the punch line?

      “Wanna hear something funny, funny man? Knock, knock MY FIST UP YOUR BALLS.”

      1. STEVE SMITH SAYS “GO ON…”

      2. …Who’s there?

        1. There’s a man who’s streets ahead.

          1. I’m glad you recognized. Otherwise I’d have to flash you my Forest Whitaker eye.

  6. Like Warty would ever go to Hobby Lobby.

    1. Where do you think he got the parts for his Timesuit?

      1. Michael’s?

      2. Uh, those parts were painstakingly assembled over years from various worlds throughout this galaxy and the three closest galaxies to this one. Admittedly, most of the parts were from Hobby Lobby stores on those various worlds–Hobby Lobby is an intergalactic chain, after all–but not all of them. Some of them were from Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Because Bed, Bath, and Beyond coupons NEVER EXPIRE, Nicole. NEVER.

  7. So my mother was right. Grown women out in public on their own might get picked up.

  8. Would it be out of bounds for me to question why they chose Hobby Lobby as the site for their horrible abductions? It sure is coincidental that people talking about a woman’s issue primarily founded in mindless fear of Stranger Danger would pick as the location for their sex-trafficking hysteria a store that a few years ago was attacked and castigated for undercutting government birth control requirements.

    I’m sure that’s just a coincidence though and they weren’t trying to libel Hobby Lobby as punishment for standing up to state birth control requirements. The type of activist who would make up stories of sexual abduction would certainly never do such a thing.

    Also, there are a lot of these idiotic, viral facebook postings. I remember a few years ago I read one that got thousands of shares and was all about how gangs were totally leaving fake babies by the side of the road so that when you stopped they’d abduct your ass. It was such obvious nonsense that I questioned how anyone could believe it.

    1. Are you suggesting that Hobby Lobby isn’t the go-to destination for oppressing wimminz?

      1. I heard from a guy Jo-Ann fabrics is the place to go.

        1. Jo-Ann’s for rich white women with lots of time for making poor-folk necessary-labor into an expensive pastime.

          Button prices are outrageously expensive.

          And fuck you, WalMart, for taking out the fabric department. That’s where your troubles began.

          /bitter

          1. Thought I was the only one (certainly the only one on Reason) who was bitter about the fabric department cut.

        2. Which, of course, buttresses your point. Lost myself there in the velvet section for a minute.

    2. I’d pick Victoria’s Secret.

  9. This is memorable of the ad-campaign war depicted in Mr Show’s “The Fairsley Difference

    At Fairsley Foods you can shop comfortably, knowing your children will not be abducted and shipped to a Pakistani whorehouse, where they will spend the rest of their lives in indentured homoerotic servitude.

    Come With Your Kids – Leave With Your Kids. THAT’S the Fairsley Difference

    1. They are getting a show or a special on Netflix, which is exciting.

      “it’s insane…this guy’s taint.”

  10. This is unbelievable! Some people will believe anything.

    Now excuse me, I need to change out my vodka soaked tampons.

    1. Ah, so you’ve figured the secret of out how to get a Russian to go down on you!

  11. My theory is that the women who volunteer for groups like Rights4Girls and CATW are a bunch of ugly, fatassed, dowdy, frizzy-haired and/or aging butterfaces who crusade against prostitution because of a latent jealousy that no one will fuck them. It’s the reason why voluntary sex workers can scream at the top of their lungs that they’re not being exploited or abused, and organizations like these ignore them. All they see is that younger, more attractive, oftentimes foreign women are “stealing” the men they supposedly “own.”

    See also: women who crusade against bikini baristas.

    1. Everything accurate up until….“who crusade against prostitution because of a latent jealousy that no one will fuck them…

      1. …should have been… “”…because there’s a gold-rush of funding for modern feminist panic-mongering, which can net you federal grants, teaching positions, speaking engagements, and plaudits from just about anyone who lives in fear of social-scorning”

        1. ALSO

          fried chicken

        2. It can’t be both? I think it can be both. This is how they both (1) get paid, and (2) express their anger at being rejected by men because they’re uglier than a sack of baboon assholes.

          1. 2 is just a stupid misogynistic claim whose only obvious purpose would be to discredit critics of sex-trafficking moral panics

            I mean, feel free to troll with it though.

            1. Also, please peruse the people who you are accusing of being hateful because “men won’t stick it in them” or something =

              e.g.
              YASMIN VAFA

              AUTUMN HANNA VANDEHEI & Co.

              1. Ok, excluding those 4, they’re all fuglies. Is that ok?
                Damn, them are some fine looking ladies. I wonder if they’ll participate in my slavery fantasies?

              2. I think the difference is this: the fugly ones are more thorough; they more often tend to be more full-blown Dworkinesque types.

                The hot ones, on the other hand, are “have my cake and eat it too” feminists; they will unashamedly use their attractiveness to manipulate men, for example, and encourage other women to do the same, even while condemning the men who allow themselves to be manipulated by beautiful women.

                There is certainly no shortage of decent-looking feminazis. They’re often kinda weird though. Sometimes they really hate fat people and slutty women, even though supposedly those groups are marginalized by the patriarchy and supposedly their allies by nature. But of course, even beautiful women get free stuff from the government because vagina; they just also like getting free drinks from random men too.

    2. “Kent Bikini Baristas gone wild.”

      You know who else went amok in Kent, don’t you Paper Wasp?

      1. +1 hairy-handed gent

      2. I heard he was exquisitely coutured.

        1. Do you think he ever found Lee Ho Fuk’s?

  12. One such dissenter was Rep. Bobby Scott, co-chair of Congressional Human Trafficking Caucus

    Wait, this just sank in… we have a whole congressional caucus for this?

    1. Looks great on the resume

    2. We could use some more human trafficking. Too bad Congress is on it – they fuck up everything.

    3. We need a variation on Rule 34. Instead of “If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions”, it would be “If it exists as a false panic/concept, there is someone in government getting paid to care about it. No exceptions”.

    4. Oh hey, what up, my congressman.

      I ran against him as a write-in candidate last election and got almost 3 votes!

      1. Dude, you’re in my hood. Of course, District 2 is a clusterfuck arrangement of localities. Imma guess you live in Suffolk.

        1. District 3, sorry

          1. Not as bad as District 9

            1. Yeah. Fucking Prawns.

        2. Norfolk, actually. The easternmost end of this gerrymander-assed district that stretches all the way up to Richmond.

          1. I live in Williamsburg but work in Newport News. We should meet on neutral ground sometime.

            1. Is this like a Highlander thing?

              1. I always parley first

                1. Isn’t that because you want to parley all the time?

                  1. Only his girl.

    5. Congressional Human Trafficking Caucus

      Before I can pass judgment, I need to know:

      Are they pro- or anti-?

      1. Are we selling politicians into slavery?

        1. Nah. They’re useless, so there’s no money in it.

    6. After this, we can all be certain that Bobby Scott fucks toddlers in his basement every night.

  13. Idiots. Childish, attention-seeking idiots.

    1. The Bernie Sanders thread is further down, dude.

  14. Well I’d hate to waste a good hyper-paranoid episode gripping the public.

    “Why do you need another gun?”

    “Didn’t you read that trafficking story?!”

    1. This is…utterly brilliant.

    2. Never let a good made-up crisis go to waste!

  15. Hobby Lobby and white slave trafficking? We really are approaching the derponic convergence. Now we just have to figure out a way of linking Caitlyn Jenner to the story.

    1. Was Caitlyn Jenner the stalker?
      … the would-be victim?
      … the shadowy figure on the grassy knoll?

    2. Caitlin Jenner, and Chick-Fil-A.

      1. I heard that Chik-Fil-A refused to cater Caitlin Jenner’s gay wedding to another MtoF transsexual after denying her access to OTC birthcontrol at Beau Biden’s funeral!

  16. Had she ever considered that these might be store cops and they were following her because she was sticking yarn in her bra?

    1. this…..is my guess.

    2. The yarn was covering her surgery. Why do you hate breast cancer survivors?

    3. That’s one way to get more attention.

    4. Pretty sure the woman following was actually with the sex crimes unit who’s job is to follow people in grocery stores they suspect of being human traffickers.

  17. So STEVE SMITH has people working for him now? Wonders will never cease.

    1. Its the internet – it doesn’t matter how sick and horrible your interests are, you can find a community that shares them and welcomes you.

      1. Ahem…

        Aggy, I can envision someone copying your exact words and using them to describe most of us who visit regularly here at Reason Hit & Run.

        And, for the record Aggy, I’m only horrible because someone keeps moving my chair.

        1. And we would use those exact words to describe those who frequent the comments at, say, Jezebel.

          The difference of course, is that we would be *right*.

  18. Yes, because there is such a huge market for the dumpy middle aged to elderly women that make up 90% of Hobby Lobby’s clientel.

    It is not like they’d be staking out a planet fitness or a tanning salon or got gods sake a Lulumon at a minimum

    1. Is planet fitness the gym that fit-shamed a woman?

  19. The latest paranoia I’m aware of is the danger of crumb rubber infill for turf fields. Recycling tires for playground surfaces was pushed hard by enviromentalists a decade ago. Well now some are shitting their pants b/c when you inject carbon nanotubes into mice, it acts like asbestos.

    http://www.nature.com/nnano/jo…..8.111.html

    Bonus: the FIFA women’s world cup announcers won’t shut up about the hazards to the players from rubber infill on synthetic turf.

    1. Well for fuck’s sake, its not like goddam Astroturf that would break your ankle and take all the skin off your thigh after burning through you pant leg. These chicks need to put on their big girl pants.

    2. when you inject carbon nanotubes into mice, it acts like asbestos

      Gee, no one could see that one coming from a million miles away

      1. So all we have to do is stop the mandatory pre-match astroturf injections, and all will be well?

    3. First question:

      Do tires have carbon nanotubes?

      1. Whaddya talking about? Global warming *causes* carbon nanotubes.

        The only reason we survived the cancer caused by tire swings and tractor-tire sandboxes was because they used simpler, more organic methods of vulcanization and we weren’t constantly bathed in WiFi.

        #IFLS

      2. Statistically, almost certainly. Much like there are probably a couple of molecules of cyanide floating around inside you right now. Thermodynamics and the law of large numbers virtually guarantee both.

      3. Only nanotires.

    4. Tell ’em to wear a respirator and goggles.

      1. Fuck it, just have ’em wear hazmat suits.

    5. How, exactly, do they plan on injecting the rubber infill into the players?

      1. Forcibly?

  20. I’d already read this on Snopes, but good to have the story rounded out a bit.

  21. Not long after Disney World opened (I was in Tampa, late 70s) I remember the urban legend of little boys being abducted in the Magic Kingdom by men who would take them into the men’s room and castrate them, dye their hair, and put them in little dresses to smuggle them out of the park. Good times, good times.

    1. castrate them, dye their hair, and put them in little dresses to smuggle them out of the park

      Your cunning plan, there might be a few issues….

      1. Nah, just spill some blood on the front of your clown suit.

        1. But I still haven’t gotten the old blood stains out!

  22. Trying to white slave the women in my neighbourhood would be a very bad business model. They can all spend more in an afternoon at Costco than you could earn off them in a year.

    1. If your business model involves giving your slaves credit cards, well, yer doin’ it wrong.

      1. In his defense, a good number of those that fit the description would be very hit-or-miss with regard to any of the other white slave positions you might need to fill.

    2. But your slave dungeon will never run out of toilet paper.

  23. They were not “abducted”‘ . Everyone knows hobby lobby chicks are whores.

  24. I get paid over $87 per hour working from home with 2 kids at home. I never thought I’d be able to do it but my best friend earns over 10k a month doing this and she convinced me to try. The potential with this is endless. Heres what I’ve been doing,

    ————- http://www.jobnet10.com

  25. My sister shared that FB abduction story. I started to type out an explanation of why that was pretty much a spam story for the gullible.

    And then i remembered Craig Ferguson’s advice for getting along with spouse/close friends: Before you say something controversial, ask yourself, “1. Does this need to be said. 2. Does this need to be said by me. 3. Does this need to be said by me NOW?”

    So I deleted my draft. Sigh.

  26. Always women wanting more of other people’s money to be spent on programs for women.

    That, incidentally, is how all the states and the federal government came to run deficits. Women vote for socialism, paid for with other people’s money.

    1. Yes, because the inevitable conclusion they reach in any situation of perceived inequality is that women are the victim and it’s the government’s role to make it better. That both presumptions are faulty doesn’t enter into the equation.

  27. But, it was on Social Media…..
    No one would lie on Social Media….

  28. She’s a possible victim of a possible sexual assault, so therefore we should take her story at face value. Oh wait, she wasn’t on a college campus, but perhaps she thought she was…

  29. Google pay 97$ per hour my last pay check was $8500 working 1o hours a week online. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I tried it out.
    This is wha- I do…… ?????? http://www.netcash5.com

  30. Shared this to Twitter, which auto-posts to FB for me. This was my mom’s response (we shop there a lot):

    “Couple of points here.. firstly, very rarely are nubile women in Hobby Lobby. Secondly, the ‘middle aged woman’ probably saw this idiot do something that looked like shoplifting and wanted to stop it and thridly, Oh Wow!, she stared down the potential perp while changing checkout lines! In conclusion, the only reason women would be abducted from Hobby Lobby would be as housekeepers.”

    NOOOOO!!! Housekeeper Trafficking! Must go write a post. 🙂

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