Bruce Jenner Is Now Caitlyn Jenner

And appears on July's Vanity Fair cover


It's against nature to make her look so young. She's in her sixties, for heaven's sake:

Paste this on your old Wheaties boxes.
Annie Leibovitz

NEXT: Doomster Paul Ehrlich Unrepentant: "My language would be even more apocalyptic today."

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  1. Its against nature

    Oh, you . . . .

    1. I instantly heard “Goodbye Horses” in my head.

      1. “Was she a big fat girl?”

        1. Roomy?

        2. Quid pro quo, Caitlyn!

      2. It puts the lotion on its skin.

  2. He could just as well decide he’s Marie of Romania, for all I care.

  3. Nice alt text!

    1. I would have gone with “Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me; I’d fuck me hard”.

    2. I’d think Cocoa Puffs:

      “I’m koo-koo 4…”

      Or Lucky Charms:

      “They took me Lucky Charms!”

      would be more appropriate cereal boxes.

  4. “Call me Ishmael. I mean Caitlyn. I mean Catelyn Stark.”

    1. Lady stoneheart?

        1. My food almost spoiled.

        2. We’re now officially allowed to spoil things in the book that the show refuses to acknowledge since the show is now spoiling the book for those of us with basic literacy.

          1. Or you have a fundamental misunderstanding about what the show is “supposed” to be. Expecting the show to be a twin if the book and judging the show based on that is a fool’s errand.

            It’s a separate piece of art. Treat it like one.

            1. except that is wasn’t for the first 3-4 seasons. It remained mostly faithful to the books for four years with only minor deviations. But this season it has ventured off into re-writing things wholesale and deserves scorn for it, even if last night’s episode and fabrication was bad ass.

              1. But they did make changes early on and it was obvious those changes would have major impacts on the story later. What’s the show going to do, randomly introduce new characters with no backstory or explanation of who they are?

                The reason Sansa is w/ Ramsay rather than Jeyne Poole is because the show never even mentioned Jeyne Poole other than some random cameo at the beginning where I don’t even believe they give her name. So in order to have the entire Theon storyline unfold they had Sansa enter that relationship instead since it would have made no sense to suddenly bring in a character the audience had never seen.

                There are entire characters who never even appear in Game of Thrones and they didn’t bring back Lady Stoneheart at the end of Season 4 (though there is speculation she’ll show up at the end of this season because the last episode is called “Mother’s Mercy”).

                It’s been growing increasingly different from the books over its entire run so that every season has less in common with the book. Robb even married a completely different woman.

              2. except that is wasn’t for the first 3-4 seasons. It remained mostly faithful to the books for four years with only minor deviations.

                Right. It remained faithful to the first three books, because they were good books. Books four and five went off the rails. Making anything remotely faithful to those snoozers would not result in compelling television.

              3. Because they didn’t have the option of waiting another decade or more for Martin to quit fucking around and write the remaining books.

                Don’t like it? Don’t watch the show and wait until Martin writes the books. But whining “it’s not what Martin would have done” is ridiculous and stupid. If HBO did what Martin had done, they’d have shelved the season indefinitely then insulted anyone who asked about the next season. That’s what Martin does.

            2. … are we still talking about Jenner?

              1. No, something more interesting than a crazy old man.

          2. Didn’t the book mostly spoil the book for those of us with basic literacy?

            I mean.. I was reduced to mailing death threats to the publisher (in absence of any editorial figure) by Book 4.

    2. That’s actually an apt and fun reference due to the obsession throughout Moby-Dick with classification and its consequences!

      1. I should have known you’d come in and ruin my joke by saying something intelligent. Thanks a lot. Jerk.

        1. I almost left it alone, but I thought you would be happier if you got to make fun of me about it.

        2. From hell’s heart you should stab at her.

          1. And he piled upon Nicole’s white hump the sum of all the general hatred and rage felt by his whole race from Adam down; and then, as if his chest had been a mortar, he burst his hot heart’s shell upon it.

            1. Sexy.

            2. “What hump?”

              1. The white one.

                If you want to be choosy.

                1. Racist! ..the white hump … indeed….

              2. I got it…


          2. When this last task was accomplished it was noon, and the seamen went below to their dinner. Silence reigned over the before tumultuous but now deserted deck. An intense copper calm, like a universal yellow lotus, was more and more unfolding its noiseless measureless leaves upon the sea.



        1. Print is dead.

        2. … i read books….

          1. ‘read’ is pronounced in the past tense here, right?

      3. “That’s actually an apt and fun reference due to the obsession throughout Moby-Dick with classification and its consequences!”

        Oh God, Nicole, it’s like “the worst” had a baby with Hitler and they named that baby this exact sentence.

    3. “My name is John Johnson, but everyone here calls me Vicki.”

    4. I was thinking Brienne of Jenner.

  5. Call me Caitlyn. Some years ago- never mind how long precisely- having little or no vag in my pants, and nothing particular to interest me in my dong, I thought I would sail about a little and see the wild side of the world. It is a way I have of driving off the penis and regulating the circulation.

    1. *rises to join in thunderous ovation*

  6. Why am I supposed to care?

    1. HOPE AND CHANGE!!!!!

      1. No. Caitlyn. Says so right in the article.

    2. Libertarian moment, dude. It has been proclaimed.

  7. So that’s what “John” has been up to.

    1. Funny as ever, Tulpa. I still can’t understand how you don’t write for The Tonight Show.

      1. He’s Tulpa now? These sockpuppets are too hard to keep track of.

        1. From this point onward, all trolls shall be called Tulpa. So let it be written, so let it be done.

          1. That sounds EXACTLY like something Tulpa would say…

            1. You got me, I’m Tulpa, you rat fucking bea tagger.

              1. Wait a minute, how can you be Tulpa’s sock puppet when I’m actually Tulpa’s sock puppet?

                It’s Tulpas all the way down!

                1. “I am Tulpa!” “No! I am Tulpa! “No, I am Tulpa!” “No! I am Spart…” “Shut up! Wrong movie!”

          2. Even Red Tony?

      2. I’d do him. Uhhhh, her? Nope, him.

  8. WHO’S JENNER TRYING TO FOOL HERE? Total airbrush job.

    1. The could have brushed the bulge into a camel-toe.

      1. Which reminds me, Google Image Milla Jovovich Purple. You will not be disappointed.

        1. Dayum! I’m not even into skinny chicks, but I think it might be because they don’t look like Milla Jovovich.

    2. I mean, shit, look at the thigh gap. Oh wait…

      1. “Mr. President, we must not allow a thigh gap!”

        /General “Buck” Turgidson

    3. What 65 year old woman on a magazine cover ISN’T airbrushed nearly beyond recognition?

      1. The Breakfast of Champions!!!

      2. Hitler?

        Wait, dammit, I know how this joke works. Give me a minute.

        1. You know who else is named David, don’t you?

          No wait, that’s wrong….

          1. David Hitler, my local kosher butcher?

      3. I knew it! Menopause is called that because they grow a penis!

        1. “Manopause”

        2. *** rising intonation ***

          And don’t forget His-terectomy ….

          1. The patriarchy is everywhere.

        3. Addadicktome surgery?

  9. It looks like Janice Dickerson’s twin!!!

    1. o.O




      1. I need GPS for my penis because it has retreated into my body and is hiding in fear.

        1. What, you don’t have the “Find my Penis” app?

          h/t to SugarFree. Most hilarious single moment of the Warty DoomCock stories.

          1. Haze

        2. It’s shrinkage, son. Just stay out of cold water and it will grow back.

  10. Damn! American medicine has come a long way, baby!!!!

  11. When will the new WHEATIES box “come out”?

    1. “I’ve been eating them for years!”

      1. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.


    2. Umm… I’m not sure about the Wheaties box. Maybe the Fruit Loops box would be more appropriate.

  12. Is this the Libertarian Moment?

    1. Kaitlyn still votes Republican. Same as Bruce.

      So – nope.

      However, I need to review the laws on this, as I am a notary public.

        1. Wrong. You’re very, very close with your Venezuela guess though.

    2. I think this is it.

    3. Yeah, kind of a let down, isn’t it?

  13. Ugh. Some things can’t be unseen.

    1. Like the man hands?

    2. Like your visions of delicious, delicious dicks?

      1. Warty,

        Le Telepath? restaurant can handle that order

        (turn volume down if at work)

        1. Dang it!

          I don’t have time to fix the link, but if you go to Youtube and type in “Happiness and Cyanide Le Telepath?” you’ll be able to watch the short cartoon I failed to provide a link to.

          1. Yes, it seems pretty much like sarc.

  14. DISGUSTING. For all those who proclaim to “fucking love science”, let me introduce you to basic genetics and the X and Y chromosomes.

    1. This isn’t about genetics, it’s about identity.

      1. Why do you hate science, logic, and nature, Hugh?

        1. Because I could never get published in any of them.

          1. Logic is a porn magazine. They got bought out last year.

            1. Maybe I should resubmit my paper on baudy syllogisms?

              1. Also known as “limericks”.

                1. No, it is all the Tab A and Slot Be jokes.

                2. Right. Identity is what matters, not biological facts. This is why Bruce Jenner is as every bit a woman and definitely not just a man with a mangled penis.


        2. Hugh told me you stand for everything he doesn’t stand for. Also he told me you guys look like dorks.

      2. This isn’t about genetics, it’s about identity.

        Everything’s about identity with you!

      3. Sure, Dame Edna.


    2. As long as you’re not footing the bill, why the hell do you care?

      1. Good point. When I was a kid we had to drive five miles to the carnival in town and pay a quarter to get a short look at a freak show very much inferior to what you can now see for free 24/7 just about anywhere in the country.

        1. God Bless America!!#

          1. I think the increased availability and zero cost of such entertainment is one of the benefits of the internet.

            1. Better than a cat video, n’cest pas?

      2. As long as he’s not preventing some maladjusted psycho who married into the fucking Kardashian family of all things from cutting his dick off, why the hell do you care if he rightly criticizes Bruce Jenner’s make-believe time?

      3. As long as you aren’t conspiring to commit terrorism why do you care about the patriot act. These kind of arguments work both ways. It seems like and engaged far-sighted individual would be interested in and have an opinion on both. That and he is absolutely right Bruce Jenner was born and will die a man.

        1. As long as you aren’t conspiring to commit terrorism why do you care about the patriot act.

          Because the PATRIOT Act has led to the NSA scooping up the personal information of law-abiding citizens and politicians have a storied history of misusing the personal information of law-abiding citizens.

          These kind of arguments work both ways.

          Sounds reasonable. Do you have an example?

          It seems like and engaged far-sighted individual would be interested in and have an opinion on both. That and he is absolutely right Bruce Jenner was born and will die a man.

          I am a voting, tax-paying citizen of the United States. I care what that government I’m paying for is doing. I even care about foreign and past governments because knowing about such things broadens my worldview. I desire to know as little as possible about the Kardashians et al. Every piece of trivia I ingest at the checkout counter about Kylie Jenner or Kim Kardashian’s hindquarters is a waste of disk space.

          1. Culture trumps politics. Whether or not you care to follow Jenner-paloosa, many people will. And it will establish cultural trends that reverberate and affect the world around you, both in terms of your day to day life and the politics of gender/sex-orientation/sex-identity.

            I don’t think you’ll find a single libertarian here arguing that Jenner should be prevented by law from doing what he’s doing. But you’ll find many among us who don’t find it something that merits celebration but actually think Mr. Jenner could use some counseling to deal with the biological reality of his 23rd chromosomal pair. The same way that libertarians believe consenting adults should be free to smoke crack even while we’d encourage people not to smoke crack and recommend treatment for someone who does.

            1. It’s not just the celebration aspect- this cover is a lie. Bruce Jenner looks nothing like this. Donald McCloskey is a far better example of what late-life transsexuals look like. Much of the horrifyingly high levels of suicide associated with transsexualism result from the inevitable failure of the surgeries to make them look like a woman. This cover is selling a version of surgical transformation than is impossible to attain. A libertarianism so permissive that it countenances falsehood in its kowtowing to cultural leftism is a disaster.

              1. News flash: every magazine cover is a lie. Some just tell greater lies than others.

                What’s your point exactly, though? That we should be less permissive toward transgender people so that they’ll be morally scolded into not doing what they want?

                1. So basically contrarily to all protesting libertarians you don’t just oppose government coercion you oppose social pressure too. Good at least it’s honest. For libertarians decriminalization is a pretext to wholesale normalization.

              2. Much of the horrifyingly high levels of suicide associated with transsexualism result from the inevitable failure of the surgeries to make them look like a woman.

                Citation, please – from a reputable source.

                Hell, RuPaul has a dozen “ladies” on his show every year that do a passable impression of a woman with nothing more than makeup and duct tape.

                1. That’s not transsexualism. That’s crossing dressing. Nathan Lane in the Birdcage isn’t a transsexual he’s a flamboyant gay.

              3. Fuck the cover. Everyone knows he’d only doing this so he can be accepted for admission to Smith. Everyone.

            2. I’d only recommend drug treatment if there were some indication the person actually needed help. Doing drugs itself doesn’t have to be terribly detrimental and merit well-meaning interference. Similarly, I don’t think Bruce Jenner’s rejection of his “biological reality” inherently means that he’s disturbed or in need of counseling. I see no reason why sex chromosomes have to be all-determinative in who we are, how we look, and how we express ourselves. That’s just fundamentally irrational and ridiculous.

              1. I don’t think Bruce Jenner’s rejection of his “biological reality” inherently means that he’s disturbed or in need of counseling.

                His behavior on that shitty TV show, on the other hand…

                1. You believe in magic don’t you.

              2. Chromosomes are now irrational. I’m basically at a loss for words. This is young earth creationism levels of denialism. So basically by your logic you just have to chose to stop having an extra chromosome in order to stop having Downs.

            3. Imma say it: “Bruce Jenner would have been better off smoking crack!”

          2. “Every piece of trivia I ingest at the checkout counter about Kylie Jenner or Kim Kardashian’s hindquarters is a waste of disk space.”

            Oh, I don’t know…


            1. Given the amount of fame/money that Kardashian/Jenner women have, his is a smart move.

        2. Who cares if Caitlyn/Bruce dies a biological man? Do you believe anyone is ignorant of that fact?

          The real question is why you think that matters. You’re born and will die the biological child of your parents, but does that mean you can’t consider adopted parents as close to you as any parents could be? You might be carrying the gene for male-pattern baldness. Does that mean you can’t use Rogaine? A woman might be at serious risk for a particularly virulent form of cancer. Do she have to keep her uterus, cervix or breasts in honor of some sort of biological imperative to maintain female body parts?

          You’re making a thoroughly facile argument. Being human means rejecting your biology in so many ways, and if you were at all honest with yourself, you’d realize that you do it, too. Caitlyn/Bruce’s rejection is just “weird,” and you feel icky and uncomfortable about it, so all you can muster is what you believe is a biological trump card. The problem is that no one is asserting that female appearance or surgically altered genitals and breasts makes someone a biological female with XX chromosomes, so it’s hardly worth mentioning.

          1. Rage like the kind you are demonstrating is the byproduct of a refusal to accept biology. This anti-science mindset is rampant among libertarians and fundemtalist. Culture is the residue of biology as libertarians are soon to find out.

            1. Shut up. Moron.

              1. Stop breathing through your mouth.

    3. I can’t go a single day without thinking about my chromosomes and how they play such a pivotal role in determining how I dress and who I fuck.

  15. The man hands are strategically hidden from view.

    1. What about the big ass feet?

  16. The editors of the Onion are pretty much out of a job. They may as well open a chain of Asian Fusion restaurants, they’d have a much better business model.

    1. They can call it Kung Fusion

      1. I went to one but they wouldn’t serve me because someone told them one of the nicknames for Charles is Chuck, and they serve none-Chucks.

        *ducks and runs from room*

      2. IF you haven’t already, go to YouTube and watch Kung Fury.

        Frickin’ awesome, especially if you watched every ’80s action movie ever.

        1. Is it anything like Kung-Pow: Enter the Fist?

      3. heh, heh, heh….

      4. I love your joke!

  17. Looks like the chick from The Thomas Crown Affair remake.

  18. Admit it, boys. In a dark bar, with enough gin & tonics, you’d go for it. Even with the man hands, you’d go for it.

    1. No doubt, no doubt in my mind.

    2. I don’t even see a face after 1am. Just tits. Might have to make more of an effort to look up going forward:)

      1. No, dont learn to look up. Learn to NEVER look up. Keep the lights off. Put a bag over her head if necessary. If you are on the “just tits” bandwagon, why bother with ruining it in the morning? And, if necessary, arrange a fire alarm and hide in the basement to get her out before sunrise.

        Because really, if you are looking at “just tits” by only 1am, why bother to stop there? It is always after 1am.

    3. The window of opportunity between (a) enough booze to say “sure, why not” and (b) passing out cold in a puddle of my own vomit would be measured in seconds.

    4. Clear alcohol is for rich women on diets.

      1. Is that why Bruce switched? Wanted to drink Martinis?

  19. Paging Crusty Juggler …

  20. Now there’s a face for radio!

    1. Sure. Kaitlyn, the Baritone. Sounds like a winner.

  21. This is just so much fluff.

  22. So the veneration of science doesn’t apply to chromosomes, I take it. Silly rabbit, gender is an identity now. SJWs never fail to be comedic.

    1. Chromosomes determine *sex*.

      Gender has always been an identity.

      Like mass and weight on Earth they’ve been interchangeable, but they’re not the same thing.

      1. Ah, ok, so gender is the emotive, touchy-feely side and sex is the biological side. So you’d agree that he’s biologically a man?

        If that’s true, why do trans people get so fucking upset when you refer to them with their biologically-correct pronouns?

        1. “Ah, ok, so gender is the emotive, touchy-feely side and sex is the biological side. So you’d agree that he’s biologically a man?”

          Wrong, and no.

          1. So you’re just going to deny reality.

  23. If Bruce Caitlyn and Rene Russo made a sex tape, would we be able to tell them apart?

    1. Rene Russo! That’s the one!…..nt_5336534

  24. In related, but somehow completely overlooked, news, Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner killed a woman in a car crash back in February :…..story.html

    1. He… um, she is a protected class now, guess they’ll have to drop that lawsuit.

      1. I think, by law, we *have* to chalk it up to women drivers.

        1. Oh snap!

    2. Yeah, he, she, whatever is responsible for the death of an innocent woman because he (at the time) was busy texting someone while towing a goddamn ATV and got off scot fuckin’ free. Funny, because instead of talking about that, everyone’s talking about the sex change operation. I wonder if there’s a timing thing going on there…

      1. Citation? Investigative records showed no cell phone activity at the time of the crash as I recall.

        1. Not under Caitlyn Jenner. Under Bruce Jenner. Not Caitlyn.

  25. This makes me wish to go out and buy the best seller book:

    The Gayness of Traveling Down That lesbainian Biway of Trilateral, Hexa-gendered, Octa-specied Love!

    It ain’t about gender or sex. It’s all about social exhibitionism and non-conformity.

  26. I’d like to say something snarky and mean but Mx. Jenner could probably still beat the shit outta me in spite of the long years that have passed since his/her Olympic career.

  27. Not a single comment on how she is spelling Caitlyn with a C? It’s a clear slap in the face to the K-krew.

    1. It’s pronounced ‘Cat-ee-lyn’. Meow!

  28. What?! Not “Jennifer Jenner”?

    1. Jenny Jenner. What an adorable all American name.

      1. “Jenny-roo!”

        1. 867-5309 Jenny

          1. And she can put the number on the wall, xerself(?).

      2. Gender Bendy Jenny Jenner…

    2. I knew a guy, when I was a kid, whose name was Robert Robert Roberts X.

      His father was Robert Robert Roberts IX.

      His grandfather worked in the school cafeteria.

      His name was Robert Robert Robers XVIII.

      If I were him? I’d have named my son “Jimmy”.

      1. I’d name mine “Dread Pirate”.

      2. Boy named Sue?

      3. Boy named Sue?

    3. She/he is a trans whatever, not a Stan Lee character.

      1. TransJenner

  29. When does she announce her candidacy for President?

    1. As soon as him/her and Hillary get married, he’ll be running for first lady and Hillary will be invincible. It’s been the plan all along. Poor Huma, tossed under the bus for a white boy. I mean girl.

  30. I know a Kaitlyn that is not going to be pleased

  31. I don’t think it’s wrong to complain about not being able to unsee.


    If you don’t think the government should discriminate.

    Some people don’t like the sight of broccoli.

    I’m just sayin’.

    They’re got a show going on ABC Family about a dad who’s becoming a woman like that. Called “Becoming Us” or whatever.

    ABC Family used to be owned by Pat Robertson.

    1. ABC Family jumped the shark a long time ago.

      1. It’s amazing how quickly and completely Disney’s ideas about what constitutes wholesome family entertainment shifted.

        They built their brand on being a G rating for children, and I suppose they still are. It’s just that a G rating ain’t what it used to be.

        1. Exactly

  32. Come on Photoshop you can so better than that.

    1. Those arms are scary. SCARY. They look like pythons half way through shedding skin.

  33. I think it’s obligatory for the baby boomer generation to be terrified of a growing population. No amount of reason or evidence will dislodge them from this belief. You can point to limiting factors, like basic economics, that would naturally prevent overpopulation. You can point to species in the wild whose fertility rates seemingly without reason, go down in the presence of scarcity. You can point to the declining fertility of people who live in prosperous societies. None of it will dissuade them.

    1. God damn it. Too many tabs…

    2. Totally relevant.

      No wonder the Boomers are getting on the trans-bus. It results in more people completely unable to breed.

    3. I think it’s obligatory for the baby boomer generation to be terrified of a growing old population.


  34. And Drudge brings the win, again, captioning that cover “Miss America.”

    Really, isn’t castrated, confused, and obsessed with social signaling and cheap celebrity as good a description of America as any, these days?

    1. Nailed it, RC.

  35. I must’ve missed something. Why is Jessica Lange on the cover of Vanity Fair?

  36. Behold the field where I harvest my fucks to give, and see that it is barren.

    1. Your fucks? They were surgically removed.

  37. It’s against my eyeballs!

    I can never unsee that!

  38. Yep.

  39. Reminds me of a Joe Nichols song.

  40. So, it’s official? Bye-bye, Dick, hello Catie?

  41. Listen, Ms. Jenner. I am not sharing a public restroom with you.

    You’re still man enough to leave the toilet seat up.

    So, no. No way.

  42. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck.

  43. People who change names because of gender changes should have to pick names compatible with their age. “Caitlyn?” Is she trying to be a catty girl in her mid twenties with an entry level job in marketing and a penchant for slamming tequila shots on the weekends? Linda, Susan, or Mary I’d believe….

    1. Bernice.

      1. *narrows gaze*

        That’s my mom’s name.

        1. Your Mom’s name used to be Bruce?

    2. How about one of those gender-neutral names like Madison? Or Dana? Or Kris? (damn, already taken)

    3. a catty girl in her mid twenties with an entry level job in marketing and a penchant for slamming tequila shots on the weekends

      Yes, go on . . . .

      1. You’ll be in your bunk?

  44. Homple|6.1.15 @ 1:17PM|#
    “He could just as well decide he’s Marie of Romania, for all I care.”

    I’ma gonna go with this.
    Bruce can be Bernese and it wouldn’t rock my boat. But why is Reason wasting bandwidth on the stuff of check-out counter’ literature’?
    If it was Dierdre McCloskey, I could find some connection, but this is one of the Kardashian household, any one of whom would sell a vid of them taking a crap if it paid a buck or two.
    How about working on the PM links; maybe there’s some news happening.

  45. There are things best left unseen, for they’re so horrible and so unsettling that they can make a drive a sane man into a madness like a painful nightmare from which no one ever wakes up.

    1. I think it’s a pretty great photo. Better than a lot of Leibovitz’s recent work.

  46. i’m pretty sure kris jenner made him do all this for the ratings.

  47. Courteney Cox has not looked as hot in decade.

    Her “new” face must finally be settling in.

    1. Photoshop, my friend. Heavily, heavily photoshopped. And, I’d bet real money, not just the face, either.

  48. I imagine the born-again fanatics are freaking out, desperately searching for a different channel to watch.

    “What do you mean, there is no more 19 Duggars! Michelle? Jim Bob? HELP US ALL! ARMAGEDDON!!!!”

    1. I wonder how she’ll react the first time some dude asks for anal.

  49. Suddenly, the origins of Ann Coulter make sense

  50. Would probably be attractive to a nearsighted man, in dim light, from a distance.
    Waiting for Bruce’s next big anouncement – which gender is he attracted to? (I mean real gender).
    But does that really mean anything, sexually speaking?

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