Saudi Arabia Goes Nuclear, Lindsey Graham Wants to be President, Republicans Are Old: P.M. Links


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  1. Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Leftistan) slammed President Obama for not linking trade agreements to her preferred labor rules.

    She heap big angry.

    1. Warren is such a joke. And she’s a great litmus test for identifying idiots. Yes, if you support her, you’re an idiot. Look, I didn’t come up with this test.

      1. It’s a particular subset of idiots. Idiots who believe that they’re really smart. The worst kind, really.

        1. There’s no ignorance worse than arrogant ignorance.

    2. Hello.

      What happened this morning with the AM links?

      I ran my entire 15k training run cursing out loud.

      1. Video?

        1. The ‘reply’ option was not there and then the AM links disappeared.

          Fucken gnomes and Jews.

          1. The ‘reply’ option is an American? institution, commie… You don’t get one.

            God Bless America

            1. ‘Reply’ is the last bit of freedom we have.

              1. I thought the toilet was the last bastion of American freedom?

      2. It was foreshadowing SugarFree fuckfiction. The intertoobz almost shut down.

      3. In English, I hope.

        1. Tabernac!

          1. TabernaK, Brett. TabernaK.

            1. merde!

              1. It’s okay. Rookie mistake.


            2. Chalice!

    3. So Sitting Bullshit has revealed that she’s a racist?

  2. Oh, yeah, and I say we boycott Hit and Run until they install a reliable commenting system. WHO’S WITH ME?

    1. I think you’re behind it.

      1. of course he is, how could he be first all the damn time.

        1. Time travel. Or a functioning clock.

    2. I boycotted for a while this morning.

      1. In hope of appeasing the squirrels, have commented today more than EVAH!

        Well that and I was kinda bored at work today …

    3. In all seriousness, it would be nice to have spam filtering, notifications, the ability to use quote tags, increased comment size, comment history, and various other things. I’d buy a subscription if it got me that.

      1. You’ll take what you’re given and like it.

        1. And NO edit button!

        1. I hate changing the water all the time.

        2. NO! Disqus sucks.

          What SBNation uses.

          1. That system is proprietary to Vox Media (yes, that Vox). Adopting it would mean being bought by them or giving them money, neither of which would be good.

      2. In all seriousness, it would be nice to have spam filtering, notifications, the ability to use quote tags, increased comment size, comment history, and various other things. I’d buy a subscription if it got me that.

        Perhaps learn some html?

        1. I do web/js/etc. for a living, but I’m not sure what you’re suggesting — that I write a new comments engine for Reason for free or something?

          1. Thanks for volunteering!

  3. Some of the nine dead and 18 wounded in the Waco, Texas, gang melee may have been shot by police officers

    I’m skeptical. Police offers aren’t that good of shot.

    1. I can’t believe this didn’t place a Cracker Barrel

    2. It wasn’t the people they were aiming for.

      1. Yeah, they were shooting at a stray dog across the street.

    3. I’d believe it if some of the dead turn out to be innocent bystanders.

    4. Shit, boy. You in Texas, now.

      This thing is fucking nuts. It reads like a Sons of Anarchy plot. Weirdest of all is that there were cops inside and outside when the beating, stabbing and shooting started.

      1. “cops inside and outside when the beating, stabbing and shooting started.”

        Doesn’t seem weird to me at all.

        1. They only cared about getting home safely.

        2. cops inside and outside when the beating, stabbing and shooting started.

          How do you think it got started?

      2. Why wouldn’t you expect the Pig Gang to show up at a meeting of a bunch of other gangs?

      3. They probably ran off to get their MRAPs and APCs and suit up in the body armor the DOD gave them, when are they going to another excuse to pull their toys out? I bet the disappointment was crushing when it ended soo quickly…

        1. You laugh. Cops in my area had a shaking meth-addict trapped in a sporting goods store, so the cops hid outside in the MRAP for five hours. Five. Hours.

          They claim they were negotiating. In this case, “negotiating” was shouting through a megaphone while the dude hid in the rafters, not responding.

      4. What’s all this then? I haven’t heard about this thing.

        1. One on’t cross beams gone owt askew on’t treddle.

    5. Cue endless days of navel-gazing over how do we “heal” Waco… oh wait – no?

      1. I will be very surprised if the Texas Rangers aren’t asked to “deal” with the Biker problem the same way they were asked to deal with the Comanche problem.

        1. By ‘Comanche problem’, you mean the Branch Davidian problem?

          1. Burn them out all because of a couple of modified guns?

    6. Shot by police!? Quick, someone start a hashtag #harleydrivingfagslivesmatter.

  4. Huh. So it’s okay to buy nukes on the open market but not to build your own. I never knew it was all about trade protectionism.

    1. Just another foreign policy success.

      1. Yeah, it’s hard not to view this administration as the worst ever in foreign policy, or, at least, close to it. Sure, some of the mountain of shit might have happened anyway, but nowhere near all of it. Is there nothing they cannot not do?

        1. There is enough that can be firmly pinned to this administration. This isn’t one of those.

          1. I blame them for the penumbra of American incompetence that encourages shenanigans.

          2. I dunno. I wouldn’t want to be the administration that gave the Wahhabis a nuke.

            1. Um, except we’re not giving them the nuke. Or even selling it.

              And what are we going to do? Cut off their foreign aid money? Invade them and set off every Jihadi wannabe on the planet (because, Mecca)?

              1. Tell them we’re leaving the Middle East and have fun with the Russians and the Israelis? Oh, and FRACK YOU, BITCHES!

              2. Yes Tonio, I think we should invade Mecca.

                1. Invade is a harsh word. Sell it to Disney.

                  1. I am imagining the Jihaddi angst as a Disneyesque Mohammad character chases a 14 year old Princess Jasmine on his flying carpet … THE MUSICAL!

                    1. They would be wise not to incur our ultimate wrath.

                    2. Too old for The Prophet.

                  2. Actually, given that the lunatic Wahabis are tearing down everything older than a week old in that city because beautiful things are ‘idolatry’ and replacing the cool old stuff with buildings that look like high school cafeterias, it will soon likely look more like Disneyworld than any city in this country.

                2. Well, what do you think we should have done or do about it, then? Srsly. What would you, as president, have done or do to stop this?

              3. Our Emperor is to blame – Iran negotiations are destabilizing an already fucked up area.

              4. Um, except we’re not giving them the nuke. Or even selling it.

                If I may channel Sheldon Richman for a few moments, didn’t everything we ever did in the past lead to this moment?

                1. Not really, Paul. Remember there are many other actors. Sure, we influenced the trajectory, as did others. But the thing has its own inertia now.

                  Look, I’m not happy about this. Totally not happy about this. Another religious state gets nukes. Another state which hangs people like me gets nukes.

                  But ever since the Russians got them (before I was born) unpleasant regimes have been going nuclear and there’s nothing we can do to outright stop that.

                  And I don’t have a single right answer. I only know that there are many useless and harmful actions we could take.

        2. Carter was worse for letting the Shah fall.

          1. I’d rate it a tie except that Obama has had twice as long to fuck things up, so he’s fucked more things up.

          2. Forget it, Jake. It’s the Middle East.

            The Shah wanted an atomic bomb every bit as much as the Ayatollah.

          3. To be fair, Eisenhower never should of kept the Shah in place to begin with. He should have let Mossadegh bury the monarchy once and for all; in the long run things would have been better.

        3. it’s hard not to view this administration as the worst ever in foreign policy

          It’s pretty easy when the worst foreign policy since Johnson happened with the last president.

          1. At least Bush’s seemed non-random. I seriously think this administration uses a Magic 8-Ball to make its decisions.

            1. Signs point to ‘yes’.

            2. Possibly.

              I think it’s more a matter of strategic schizophrenia. They want to run an assertive foreign policy dictating terms to the world. But, their completely unwilling to incur any particular cost to do so. As a result, they operate predominantly on the plane of bluff and bluster. So, they’re incredibly demanding, even rude, to long-term allies because they think those allies will be easily manipulated. The thing is, most of the world has pretty much come to realize that that’s what the game is.

          2. It’s pretty easy when the worst foreign policy since Johnson happened with the last president.

            But that’s clearly wrong.

            1. Of course you think Bush’s disastrous foreign policy was a good thing even though it was clearly the worst in a long time.

              1. I never said it was a good thing you dunce. Maybe you should stick to replying to the arguments and remarks people actually make, not the ones in your head.

                1. You were in favor of the Iraq War, were you not?

                  1. I was in favor of ending it, which is what the 2003 invasion did. Wrapped up a sore that had been open since 1990. Was a great victory. Made Kurdistan. Then W fucked it all up by turning it into a nation-building disaster.

                2. Maybe you shoudl just stick to the wall instead of trying to clean up the mess you made.

                  1. That doesn’t even make sense. I never made any mess.

    2. It’s not OK, but they will come up with some BS reason to not object because they are (theoretically) our ally. Oh, and they are a signatory to the nuclear non-proliferation treaty. Guess that’s effectively toilet paper now (not that it wasn’t before).

      1. I guess this means Iran’s nuclear program is real, effective, and approaching completion.

        1. My reaction, exactly. Boy, this should be great fun for the family.

          1. Hopefully, they’ll purchase the rockets from the Russians.

            1. What a disaster. Please tell me that NASA is secretly telling SpaceX to have the manned Dragon ready in the next few months.

              1. Say, fellas, about all those bullshit hoops we had for you to jump through..

                1. Precisely. Sorry, we were wrong, but don’t tell anyone, just say you were secretly working with us all along to be ready to go in, say, August.

            2. Poor Mexico

            3. Hopefully, they’ll purchase the rockets from the Russians.

              If you’re talking about the Saudis, they already have them. They purchased CSS-2 IRBMs from China in the 80s, something which was revealed only recently. The link claims that China still maintains the missiles for KSA, which I don’t believe at all. Given the CSS-2 is a POS with a CEP that makes a Scud look like a precision strike weapon, I idly wonder whether the Saudis picked up NBC warheads for the missiles too. China claims they’re conventionally armed, and hey, maybe as far as China knows, they are? And maybe the Saudis bought the W-88 specs from the Chinese, who stole them from the U.S., sometime in the 90s?

              If you’re instead talking about the Iranians, they have a slew of domestically produced satellite launchers. Low throwweight so far, but still probably enough to send a small plutonium implosion weapon to any point in the MidEast they want.

              I think if all sides in SW Asia decide to get their nuclear arms race on, we’re going to see a nuke used in anger there within the next ten years. It’ll be MAD, without any of the factors that made it somewhat stable.

              Frankly, I’m surprised Putin hasn’t helped things along (cont.)

              1. Low oil prices are murder on Russia’s economy, and Putin needs a certain amount of cash flowing in to keep the boyars, (whoops) oligarchs on his side. The Saudis and other Gulf Arabs won’t close down the taps, so why not destabilize the region, thereby causing petroleum prices to rise back to where everybody can be rich again?

                1. Dare I, in my naivete, speculate that Putin has learned what the US may well have not: that trying to play chess in the middle east generally results in the pieces blowing up in your face after the game is over?

    3. You’d think they’d get a little creative with what they already have and something like, umm.. giant gasoline bombs?

  5. Are we gonna be able to comment on these links?

    1. No.

      HEY! Wait a minute!

  6. The GOP is getting old and dying…

    Who isn’t?

    1. Warty.


      THAT’S who.

    2. Hitler?

    3. Woodrow Wilson.

      1. To be honest, I’ve suspected that he was the previous incarnation of warty.

      2. Woodrow Wilson Long


    4. Joan Rivers?…
      …too soon?

      1. Nope.

    5. Ho Chi Minh?

    6. Mork from Ork?

  7. Europe plans military response to migrant crisis.

    Wait, what? Europe wants to use naval vessels to sink boats full of poor, innocent migrants looking for a better life away from their war-torn countries? I thought these folks were our moral superiors according to all the lefties!

    1. A lot of them are economic migrants.

    2. They want to murder immigrants, but can’t raise so much as a finger or a frack well to do something about Russia’s expansionism. Way to set your priorities Eurotrash.

    3. Maybe they aren’t necessarily our moral superiors. But apparently they learn faster.

  8. I rewatched Shenandoah the other night. Still the best anti-war movie ever.

    1. The near-end and ending was rough and beautiful.

      1. rough and beautiful

        Kind of llike HyR, no?

        1. Yes.

          /wipes tear. Applies band-aid.

  9. Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-Bedlam) wants to be president.

    Maybe if every other American died.

    1. We have many articles dedicated to that today.

      Bo and Plug, take note

    2. Carol Brady for president!

    3. As if we need an America-sized bedlam.

  10. The GOP is getting old and dying,

    Uh, EVERYBODY is.

    1. Fucking entropy. Why doesn’t anyone run on ending that?

      1. Um, excuse me?

        1. Sorry, man, but you’re a drag.

          1. Cis-normative shitlord!

            I only wear dresses on Saturdays when I stay in and watch Lifetime.

            1. Look at all of the death and decay and disorder. All you.

              1. Come on – Enthalpy’s fucking involved in this shit, too!

                1. Contributory negligence at best. Entropy’s guilty, and nobody does nothing about it.

              2. Well, yeah, you are right about Lifetime: death and decay and disorder.

                And Bravo and E!, too.

                I’ll try to do better.

                1. That’s a great idea. The Entropy Channel. It starts with order, with increasing disorder, until year ten, when it’s just snow.

                  1. So, just like the History Channel?

                    Starts out with History.

                    Then moves to all WW2 all the time.

                    Shifts to all Hitler all the time.

                    Is currently in the ‘all alien conspiracy all the time’ phase.

                    1. Basically, but intentionally this time. Like the creation of the universe with this built-in self-destruct mechanism.

                    2. Yeah, well – I’m not saying it was Aliens……

                      …..but it was Aliens…..

                    3. I thought History was in the redneck reality show phase along with TLC, which is in the bickering trash reality show phase.

                    4. Ah the Luftwaffe, the Washington Generals of the History Channel.

                  2. Next up – the Maxwell’s Demon Show!

        2. um, hello?

          1. Hi.

    2. GODAMMIT fist…knock it off

      1. I read the thoughts in your brain.


      1. Don’t worry. You’re young yet, you still have time to have babies.

        1. Where’s the fetus going to gestate? He’s going to keep it in a box?

          1. I thought this is what planters are for? No?

          2. I assume some sort of test tube of some kind. Or maybe in the butt like Arnold?

            1. Wow, maybe Canadian healthcare is superior to the U.S.’s. Not like we’ve got brood males.

              1. This conversation is like…’essence of H&R’.

                1. We’re not paid to do this for nothing, you know.

      2. What a drag.

  11. …though with 170 people charged with capital crimes, this will take a while to sort out.

    Send them back to Cossackstan.

  12. During Monday the Nasdaq stock exchange stated that it will try and use the globally distributed network of bitcoin for verifications of virtual currency transactions and also as a logbook used to track the stock deals of private companies.…..n-network/

    The Future!

  13. Some of the nine dead and 18 wounded in the Waco, Texas, gang melee may have been shot by police officers?though with 170 people charged with capital crimes, this will take a while to sort out.

    Sons of Anarchy ended a few months back. Didn’t they get the memo?

    1. Well that’s what the fight was about: arguing over whether to bring it back or just let the story be over.

    1. As a libertarian, I’m not a big fan of casually lumping big groups of people together because of their race and drawing incredibly broad, unsupported conclusions.

      Unless they’re whitey

      1. You know who else was a big fan of casually lumping big groups of people together because of their race and drawing incredibly broad, unsupported conclusions.?

        1. Stalin?

        2. Bo Cara Esq?

          1. Ding Ding Winnah!

    2. Um, I’m still waiting for my discrimination lawsuit against the NBA to get settled. I have a right to play center for the Lakers even though I’m a pale 5’5.

  14. “Saudi Arabia may purchase nuclear weapons off-the-shelf from Pakistan.”

    They got a roll back deal.

  15. In other Saudi news: Saudi Arabia advertises for eight new executioners as beheading rate soars

    Jobs classified as ‘religious functionaries’ at lower end of civil service scale

    Something something living wage.

    1. The want ad starts out: “Do you want to get a head in life?”

      1. “Need a hand up instead of a hand out?”

        1. Instead of wearing conventional beards, applicants must be clean-cut.

          1. Looking for a sharp individual to cut through bureaucracy

          2. Looking for a sharp individual to cut through bureaucracy

            1. Help people lost 10 ugly pounds fast!

            2. All applicants will be Head and shoulders above the rest

      2. “…, meet interesting people, and BEHEAD THEM!”

      3. Who doesn’t want to get head?

    2. Outsource it to ISIS. They have experience.

      1. ISIS seems to skip the whole “trial” part of the procedure.

    3. What you did there…

  16. 2chilly snark. heh heh heh

  17. Saudi Arabia may purchase nuclear weapons off-the-shelf from Pakistan

    Can we please, please, PLEASE just GTFO already? I’d rather watch from a distance when they start glassing the place…

    1. Yeah, this reminds me of Eddie Murphy’s bit on haunted houses:

      [normal voice] It’s real scary. You know what I was wondering about movies? I was watching those movies — I’m moving out of my house, I was watching movies like Poltergeist and Amityville Horror. Why don’t the people just get the hell out of the house? … You can’t make a horror movie with black people in it ‘cuz the movie’d stop, you’d see niggers runnin’ down the street, the movie’s over! … That’s the movie. You can’t have a movie like that. See, white people, you all sit on the toilet, see blood in the toilet, and you all go get Ajax. … Brothers won’t sit on the toilet. …

      Movie be just like this: [brother’s voice] “Wow, baby, this is beautiful. We got chandelier hangin’ up here, kids outside playin’, it’s a beautiful neighborhood, I really love – this is beaut–” [demonic whisper] “Get out!” [brother’s voice] “Too bad we can’t stay.” [instantly spins, starts walking upstage] …

      1. ^^ this exactly!

        “Too bad we can’t stay.” Ayup.

        1. Too bad we can’t stay, indeed.

      2. When Eddie was king.

        1. Before that whole transvestite hooker incident. By that I mean sleeping with Sarah Jessica Parker.

      3. Brothers won’t sit on the toilet.

        “You see? The President is not a *real* Black.”

      4. You can’t make a horror movie with black people in it ‘cuz the movie’d stop, you’d see niggers runnin’ down the street, the movie’s over!

        And then he went and made The Haunted Mansion.

        Whomp whomp.

  18. Saddam: What We Now Know

    Read more at:…..-jim-lacey

    Here NRO seems to make a convincing case that the line perpetuated by Reason and the MSM about Iraq being a non-threat is highly suspect or outright bullshit. Is anything in this article wrong, or overstated beyond the evidence? I can totally see NRO being less that trustworthy, but I have caught Reason making stuff up or stretching the truth on foreign policy more times than can be counted.

    Happy Victoria Day.

    1. Let’s ask Sheldon Richman – he seems unbiased on this

      1. “Osama was just a harmless old man”

    2. The Queen is just a mildly interesting character or figure around these parts.

      We don’t do Royalty.

      1. The main benefit of royalty in Australia is the Queen’s Birthday long weekend.

    3. I suppose we should go into Uzbekistan too, I’m sure someone there has a crop duster and some arsenic to drop from it and enough fuel to make it to the US.

  19. Kerry: Internet ‘Needs Rules to Be Able to Flourish and Work Properly’

    “First, no country should conduct or knowingly support online activity that intentionally damages or impedes the use of another country’s critical infrastructure. Second, no country should seek either to prevent emergency teams from responding to a cybersecurity incident, or allow its own teams to cause harm. Third, no country should conduct or support cyber-enabled theft of intellectual property, trade secrets, or other confidential business information for commercial gain. Fourth, every country should mitigate malicious cyber activity emanating from its soil, and they should do so in a transparent, accountable and cooperative way. And fifth, every country should do what it can to help states that are victimized by a cyberattack.”

    What could *possibly* go wrong?

    1. Ah, yes, that first 20 years where the Internet just made everything easier and everyone richer was just luck.

    2. First, no country should conduct or knowingly support online activity that intentionally damages or impedes the use of another country’s critical infrastructure.

      So the USA will shut down the NSA, right Mr. Kerry?

      I really don’t want politicians touching the Internet. Their understanding of technical matters doesn’t go deeper than what they see on CSI.

      1. Their understanding of technical matters doesn’t go deeper than what they see on CSI.

        “Now, Mr. Kerry, simply write an algorithm to compute N factorial. You may use pseudocode.”

      2. It’s a series of tubes!

      3. Their understanding of technical matters doesn’t go deeper than what they see on CSI.

        Kerry’s level is no deeper than the first layer of oats in his feedbag.

    3. That’s just what we need: more JFKerry screwing things up.

  20. Consumer Reports bought a Tesla to review and couldn’t even get into the friggin’ car.

    I saw the headline on CNN and just assumed that “locked out” meant Tesla was somehow preventing CR from reviewing the car.

    I give people far too much credit, sometimes.

  21. Check this dunk out:

    1. Damn. That was good.

    2. That’s not even his most famous dunk. He does one called Lost and Found or something like that

    3. You should see me put my dirty socks in the hamper.

  22. Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-Bedlam) wants to be president.

    And I want my student loan debt to magically go away.

    1. A Sanders/Warren voter, eh?

  23. #wacothugs

    DBB ?@vickskat 8h8 hours ago
    So apparently you can shoot up a restaurant, then shoot at police and not be called a thug. If you are white. #WacoThugs

    Unapologetic Negro ?@HollaBlackGirl 20h20 hours ago
    The #Waco shooting is obviously the result of the breakdown of the white biker family. #WacoThugs

    No Quarter Given ?@chaedria 21h21 hours ago
    What will the White community do about this white-on-white gang activity? Where are their fathers?! #Waco #WacoThugs

    Amanda ?@SmellTouchFeel 22h22 hours ago
    America the beautiful hypocrite

    A CVS burns, no human harmed = Riot! Anarchy! Outrage!

    Bike gang violence kills 9 = brawl. NBD

    1. How DARE they use words properly and not in a way that conforms to my retarded emotionally-led responses!

    2. The #Waco shooting is obviously the result of the breakdown of the white biker family. #WacoThugs

      Um, I’m just guessing, but I’m quite sure it’ll be easy enough to to find someone blaming the bikers’ absentee fathers for them being trashy stupid violent redneck trash.

      1. OK, then, what *is* the ethnic breakdown here?

        1. Seeing as how I’m only seeing pictures of the Cossacs online, I’m guessing that the other gang wasn’t white.

          1. There were 5 gangs involved.

            And serious question..are their non-White majority biker gangs? I thought biker gangs was something only White people do, like considering hotdish edible food or not discipline your children?

            1. I had to look up hotdish. Apparently it’s a South Canada thing.

            2. Minnesota goulash is usually made with ground beef, macaroni, canned tomatoes, and perhaps a can of creamed corn.

              Barf, barf, barfity barf.

              1. Never heard of the corn, but yeah, that pretty much looks like what we’d call goulash.

                Of course we think sloppy joe’s are hamburger and ketchup, so we aren’t really the go to authority for fine dining.

                But hot dish is the one thing we can lecture the rest of the company on. Greatest thing ever invented. The only hard and fast rule is that you need to include cream of mushroom soup and tater tots. The rest is up to you.

                1. I like some steak and French fries with my ketchup.

            3. And serious question..are their non-White majority biker gangs?

              Most assuredly. I see black and mexican biker gangs all the time in Houston. But I’m not sure whether they’re 1% or not.

              1. Well according to CNN:

                Swanton would not release the names of the gangs involved. Photos from the scene showed bikers wearing the insignias of the Cossacks, Bandidos, Scimitars and Vaqueros, but it was not clear if the photographed gang members were involved in the fighting. Numerous media outlets, including the Waco Tribune-Herald and CNN affiliate KTXS, cited police sources who said the Bandidos and Cossacks were among those involved.

                I don’t know if that reveals anything useful or not.

              2. Yes, it’s not just a white thing.

                1. You misspelled “thang”.

            4. And serious question..are their non-White majority biker gangs?

              Most assuredly. I see black and mexican biker gangs all the time in Houston. But I’m not sure whether they’re 1% or not.

            5. The Bandidos actually have a significant Mexican membership. Not majority, but largely. And if I remember correctly, the Mongols, also one of the largest gangs in the country, was basically founded specifically to be racially ‘inclusive’ because the Hell’s Angels were generally only white.

    3. I’m pretty sure that burning down the only pharmacy in the neighborhood did in fact cause quite a bit of harm.

    4. Retarded. Absolutely retarded.

      In other words, the details captured in the tweets about the #WacoThugs or about the need to #StopWhiteOnWhiteCrime may miss the nuance of the situation?indeed, they may not be all that pertinent to the situation in Waco at all?but that’s far from a flaw. It’s kind of the whole point.

      Bolding is mine. Something that retarded needs to be bolded.

  24. Lavazza builds espresso machine for space:…

  25. Spot the Not: wackiest conspiracy theories

    1. The moon is a hologram.

    2. Penis-shrinking wizards cause panic in Sudan.

    3. Israel uses cyborg sharks to spy on Egypt and hurt its tourism industry.

    4. The Catholic Church created Islam.

    5. Congolese witch doctors teach that AIDS can be cured by walking backwards for a month.

    6. The wingdings font on MS word uses ancient Satanic symbols.

    1. I know 2 and 3 are true!

    2. 1 is the conspiracy theory.

      4 is true – it just got out of hand, sorry.

    3. I’ve heard of every single one except 5.

    4. 6. Everyone knows they are Masonic, not Satanic.

      1. What difference, at this point, does it make?

      2. Pffffftttt…….silly goose!

        *gazes upon Masonic symbol poster that looks moar lyk tarot cards than.,…hey, wait*

    5. 5. I’ve heard all the others.

      1. Yeah, 5 is got to be it; I believe they actually tell men to rape virgins.

        1. That is what they do. I almost typed that in my original comment, then I felt dirty for even typing it.

      1. Weighing in way-late, I know, but #2 is not a conspiracy theory. Supersitious beliefs about penis-shrinking magic are a thing in certain parts of Africa. So more news-of-the-weird than conspiracy.

    6. 5. Too difficult.

    7. Number 5 worked for me.

  26. Report reveals racial disparities in commute times…..mute-times

    Twin City’s Busses Hate People of Color

    1. Well, that’s just because of CPT, that’s all.

      1. How did all those white bus drivers manage to get themselves on CPT?

        1. Is it….Hitler?

          *looks around unassuredly*

        2. I dunno…lack of Apple Watches?

    2. I always thought it was weird, when I took the bus while living in Mpls, how they forced all of the colored people onto the same, slower busses, while the white people got different, faster busses. Oh wait, that didn’t happen.

      1. It sort of does though. Routes like the 764 express bus go from downtown out to the suburbs and mostly carry white folk; they make no stops in the city.

        1. Actually, I remember a black lady once asked me for change and I gave her enough for bus fare, but then when she asked for more so she could “take the Express bus and get to the homeless shelter faster” I called her ungrateful and wouldn’t oblige her. I’m probably part of the problem. I still think I was right though.

          1. Also, I was a poor college student. So I was only sympathetic to a point.

        2. That’s just part of the white supremacist plot to keep black people from getting out to the suburbs and polluting their racial purity!

  27. ‘He’s got a gun!’ Surprise school intruder drill traumatizes elementary students

    [One student] told the news site she thought she was going to die, and couldn’t stop shaking, despite local law enforcement who arrived on scene to tell students the scary ordeal was a training exercise.

    AGAIN?! Let the lawsuits begin.

    1. Wait until kindly old Mrs. McGillicutty gets a fatal heart attack, *then* we’ll see some fireworks.

  28. Texas is a flawed place but it’s saving America and the world.

    Texas Gov. Greg Abbott said on Monday that he’ll sign the bill restricting the ability of cities to ban hydraulic fracturing activity within their borders, according to the Fort-Worth Star Telegram.

    The bill, inspired by the local fracking ban voters passed in the city of Denton last November, will take effect immediately after winning more than two-thirds majorities in the Texas House and Senate.…..26977101=0

    1. Does the City of Denton have any fracable land within its boundaries? I’m not sure of its extent, but it seems questionable.

      1. Does the City of Denton have any fracable land within its boundaries?
        Almost certainly.

        1. ah, for some reason I picture it as a paved over suburb of DFW. Probably my Plano bias showing itself.

      2. I think fracking was actually happening or going to happen when it was banned. Ban yo ban bitches.

  29. Some idiot (Chuck Todd, probably) was on my teevee yesterday yammering excitedly about how the downward trend in religiosity spells doom- DOOM, I tells ya!- for the Republican Party.
    I’ve got my fingers crossed; now, if we can just figger out how to slap some sense into Democrats…

    1. Well, it’s doom for the current GOP. As long as we have the current electoral system we will have a 2 party system. The GOP and the Dems unfortunately will be those 2 parties for the foreseeable future.

    2. if we can just figger out how to slap some sense into Democrats

      Rand and Mencken thought that FDR was a sensible Democrat back in 1932 you know….

      1. Also lack of Republicans aren’t making Detroit Democrats sensible…

  30. More insectionality crises?…

    1. Can someone explain to me why this is news?

      1. Because in the U.S. there is enough food being produced and distributed that no one need starve; ditto regarding potable water; and anyone who really wants it and is semifunctional can find shelter (generally).

        Our society can carry massive numbers of useless mouths that would literally starve to death in earlier, more difficult times. It’s the terrible downside of prosperity which is more than outweighed by the good things associated with it.

        1. Not to worry, a large segment of society is working on rectifying this and will then blame the result on “bad luck”.

          1. +1 Lazarus Long

      2. “Racist Tweet Flap”

        Ahh, the modern ‘tweet flap’. Just when i thought “blogging” was the stupidest term ever invented in the internet age.

        “Boston University Professor Saida Grundy’s tweets deriding white men are her business, according to the school. (Boston University)”

        Versus Duke, where if you make a comment on a NYT article directed at no one in particular, saying things that are “insensitive”* (subject to interpretation), you are basically out of a job.

        “Boston University, which has already condemned the racist Tweets of an incoming faculty member, has now been sent an outrageous Facebook exchange in which a poster who identifies herself as the controversial sociology professor mercilessly ridicules a white rape victim.

        Saida Grundy, a newly hired professor at Boston University who recently said she regrets tweeting that white males are a “problem population,” and other racially charged comments, is now accused of Facebook posts in which she appeared to taunt a white rape victim. That victim, Meghan Chamberlin, told that the posts, made in a February public chat, felt “like a kick in the stomach.””

        Why is it news?

        Because colleges, social-justice themes are just hot internet topics?

        1. Because colleges, social-justice themes are just hot internet topics?

          God, I hate the Internet.

          1. is the enlightened reaction to these “SJW intersectional flare-ups” to completely ignore them?

          2. also, i am confused about the proper pronunciation of “LOL”

            I’ve always articulated the individual letters. “El oh el”

            but i hears the kids say, “Lolls” now.

            I was familiar with “Lulz” as the plural, but with a more-distinct “ulll” sound rather than “awl”

            My favorite personal real-life usage of the term is when you say something insane, then cap it with “lol” to defuse it, as though it means nothing. Example

            1. I do think it’s generational. I’ve always read the word as a string of letters, but it seems to have evolved over the years into a acronym.

              1. Sheesh, old people.

            2. I depends if you’re a yinzer or not.

          3. lastly

            you have to love that piece for this =

            “you’re vilifying my act of intellectual altruism”

            (slow clap)

            I am adding that my list of epic lines to re-use as frequently as possible

            1. I’d swear that was a comedic line from a sitcom. How can a person say that, let alone write that, in seriousness, without blood spurting out of their nose immediately?

        2. That she gets to call herself a ‘professor’ is quite the intellectual injustice, n’est pas?

          1. Yeah, but, I doubt that BU will be substituting in more appropriate title of “Cunt”.

  31. Speaking of the cops: the head of the Fraternal Order of Police has apparently been squealing piteously about Obama’s treacherous backstabbery on the army surplus front. How will those cops make it home safe without armor plated tracked vehicles to serve “failure to appear” warrants for parking tickets?

    1. Why do you want these brave heroes to put their lives at risk, Brooks?

  32. “The GOP is getting old and dying, a phenomenon that will obviously continue…or not.”

    Ironically, they have the younger average age leaders.

    Also, young people aren’t a reliable voting block for Democrats (or anyone).…..oting-bloc

    1. How fucking old is the only possible candidate for the Democrats? She’s like as old as two of the other side’s candidates.

      1. Even mentioning her age is sexist! Or something…

  33. The world’s best-funded bitcoin startup has revealed plans to market a line of chips to embed in consumer devices, allowing smartphones and other Internet-connected gadgets to continuously earn digital currency through the process known as “mining.”…

    1. And somehow none of it will accrue to the individual owners of the devices.

      1. Read towards the end of the article. That’s where it gets most interesting.

  34. Liberla declared free of Ebola; area pants-shitters hardest hit.…..e24359816/

  35. Spot the Not: Hillary Clinton books

    1. America by Heart

    2. Hard Choices

    3. It Takes a Village

    4. Dear Socks, Dear Buddy

    5. Living History

    6. The Unique Voice of Hillary Clinton

    1. 6 – I didn’t Google

    2. I’ll go for 6 as well.

      god, she’s racked up 4+ book titles? !@#*$&@ politicians

    3. 6

    4. All picked the same and all picked wrong.

      1 is the Not. Sarah Palin’s name is on that one.

  36. “The Unique Vice of Hillary Clinton”?

    *sticks fingers in ears, shrieks, runs away*

      1. Hell sounds like that…FOREVER

      2. She cackles like a cartoon witch.

  37. So Hillary and Bernie want to gut the first Amendment because of Citizen’s United. One more Supreme Court appointment away….

  38. Spot the Not: Newt Gingrich books

    1. To Save America

    2. To Renew America

    3. A Contract with the Earth

    4. Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay Less

    5. Duplicity: A Novel

    6. Real Men Know When to Pray

    1. 4 sounds like something a politician would say, but I’m betting on that “wide stance” guy, not Gingrich.

    2. Real Men Know When to Pray

      …on Their Secretaries.

    3. God, politician’s book titles.

      I must hand it to you Derp. You will scrape funk out of the bottom of the barrel, and when that is done, you will look under the barrel. Your tenacity is to be celebrated.

    4. 6 is the Not. Although there are books with similar titles.

  39. Ex Machina is a really good movie. It’s got the Cyto-stamp of approval for sure.

    1. And I was thinking about watching that, too. Too bad I just learned that it sucks.

      1. Whoever told you it sucks is wrong. It’s real good.

        1. Listen, could you do me a favor? Go watch the new Star Wars movie right away. In a sneak if you can. Then tell me whether it’s any good or not.

      2. I saw it yesterday. It’s a good little scifi flick.

    2. Are you also a huge Bryan Adams fan?

      1. Never heard of him before.

  40. via Charles CW Cooke: ew.

  41. UC Berkeley creates strain of yeast that produces morphine:

    Discovery opens door for homemade morphine, painkillers

    1. Fascinating.


      1. Should really change the home brewing scene. ;

        1. +1 Junky Ale

        2. in all seriousness, these genetically engineered specialty-yeast organisms require like billion $ facilities to make them do their magic.

          this is my limited understanding at least. I did some consulting briefly for a company that was trying to sell their Ethanol-shitting-yeast technology, back when Ethanol wasn’t considered the stupidest fucking thing in the world.

          1. Making milk from yeast shouldn’t require a facility that advanced, and will eventually be a home-brew thing. It will end supply management.

            1. I recall Asimov’s Caves of Steel having most of the food produced in the severely overpopulated Earth from imitations made from yeast.

          2. Ethanol from corn when used as fuel is all kinds of stupid, but ethanol in and of itself, is some of the greatest stuff in the world.

            Producing fuel from non-food sources would be great, as well.

            1. ” ethanol in and of itself, is some of the greatest stuff in the world.’

              I drink it all the time.

            2. Isn’t methanol easier to produce from non-food-for-humans sources?

              1. That’s why I drink methanol instead.

            3. Ethanol made from corn used as fuel is great…

              When it’s being used to fuel my nightlife… 😉

          3. All yeast shit* ethanol, some moreso than others. I think it’s the engineering of the strains that require billion-dollah facilities, not the production facilities, unless you’re talking superscale production.

            *It’s a metabolic byproduct but not technically shit since…something, something, digestive tract, something.

  42. After their fraudulent reviews of front loading washing machines versus top loading washers, why is Consumer Reports still in business?. Now they are at it again. Giving a car they can’t even get into a 99 out of 100? disgusting hackery.

  43. Is Ender’s Game a good book? Some people here trashed it, but the area hipsters are always trashing stuff for being popular. I liked the movie with Harrison Ford a lot.

    1. I liked the first book fine. But it’s not the greatest book of all time. Boggles my mind that people rank it as one of the greatest science fiction novels ever.

      1. I actually like Ender’s Shadow (same story, different perspective) more than Ender’s Game.

      2. It’s because they often first read it when they are 12.

        1. While some of my favorite science fiction is among books I read as a kid, that’s more because I read some major classics at a tender age. Like, say, Dune. But I don’t like the crap I read back then just because I read it back then.

      3. Yes, same here. It is entertaining and well written (as is “Ender’s Shadow”) but it can’t compete with many Heinlein, Vinge, or Niven works.

        1. Niven is a great frustration for me now. I like many of his older books, but he seems to have completely lost the knack in recent, well, decades.

          1. I have to be honest; I haven’t read many of Niven’s newer works other than the Ringworld sequels and I agree that the older material was better. His collaboration with Pournelle on *Inferno* wad very enjoyable.

            1. Niven & Pournelle are great. Lucifer’s Hammer, Footfall… Destroying the world together is something they make entertaining

    2. I got through it just a year ago. It read like pre-teen fiction to me.

      I have gotten really into Iain M Banks’ stuff and it is hard to make the transition to other sci fi. He has such big literary chops he makes many of the famous authors read like they belong in the children’s section. I am hoping to have some luck with Richard K Morgan or William Gibson.

      1. Morgan’s Takeshi Kovacs stuff is really, really good. I would suggest avoiding all his other works. Gibson is good, but I haven’t read anything of his since 1990. I would suggest trying Neal Asher and Alistair Reynolds. Asher is especially consistently excellent, and it’s all extremely hard scifi with lots of action and violence. Start with The Skinner.

      2. Srsly? Banks never impressed me as a literary scifi author. Should I revisit him?

        1. Dude, Banks is a really fucking good writer. His books can be offputting to some since they are very long, very verbose, and his universe is…somewhat utopian. But really, the guy is a very, very good writer. You should absolutely try him as you may find you love his stuff. I’ve read every single one of his scifi novels.

          I would suggest starting with something like Player of Games. It’s an excellent example of his style and is highly interesting to boot, plus it introduces Special Circumstances (my moral abhorrence of SC aside).

  44. I have decided that my life’s work will be of two projects:

    1) Forever Ford: Harrison Ford cannot die; it will be more than America can take. It will make me cry like a bitch. I will clone him and transplant his brain/mind into the clone to keep Ford alive.

    2) Ayn Abrams: I will somehow create a hybrid thingy with the writing ability of pre-Atlas Shrugged Ayn Rand and the directing ability of JJ Abrams. It will be amazing.

    1. Do you like his TV shows? Lost, Fringe, etc.?

      1. Why do you care? JJ Abrams attempted to destroy Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan for a whole generation so any devotees to his work should be shunned like an Amishman with a zipper.

        1. JJ Abrams’ initial Trek offering was the last movie I have ever gone to a theater to see. It was that bad, it killed any desire I had to ever pay for a Hollywood film again.

          1. Hyperbole meters are off the scale Keptan!

            1. What I stated is objectively true.

              1. Bet you’re pissed he didn’t include perfect humans who never argue with another and speechify about the evils of money and fight even capitalist Ferengi with huge penises.

                1. He took a story told in an established universe with well known characters and altered it to fit his style, which is not a particularly bad or good thing to do. He retold stories that needed no retelling and altered the universe unnecessarily. The whole project was basically “JJ Abrams’ *Trek Babies*.” Better to let the whole franchise retire than reboot it.

                  1. I have little desire to defend Roddenberry’s ridiculous economics or political views, but Abrams turned the universe into yet another venue for standard Hollywood summer blockbuster fare, to which I offer a hearty yawn.

                    1. Sad to say but Wrath of Khan did that already.

                  2. The tale need no retelling, as tales don’t have actual needs. What he did do is make that tale accessible for a younger generation. The perfect is ever the enemy of the achievable, database.

                    1. I’m saying that Abrams, like so many other Hollywood filmmakers, is simply living off the fame of previous successes, not coming up with something new. I would have been content to leave ST:ToS at “Undiscovered Country.” How many reboots of old material do we need, anyway?

                    2. How DARE Abrams make ST watchable! Doesn’t he know the actors are just supposed to stare dramatically into each other while cymbal-heavy music plays?

                      I can always tell the butthurt old Trek fans by their blind hate. This db is in particular so devastated by how much better new Trek is that he can’t watch movies in cinema anymore. Incredible.

                    3. Whatever. I’m not really a fan of watching movies anyway. You’re willfully ignoring every point I have tried to make about the vapidity and lack of originality in these blockbuster films.

          2. Srsly, database? Abrams’ STTOS reboot was probably the best we could have reasonably gotten. Which is not to sing its praises, so much as to appreciate it keeping Kirk, Spock, Uhura, Bones and McCoy alive for another generation.

      2. Never watched them. I have heard that he didn’t have direct control of Lost, which is probably why it sucked.

    2. “the directing ability of JJ Abrams”

      That’s a thing?

      1. Those lenses don’t flare themselves!

        1. true that

        2. You’re just an angry Lucasbot!

          Wait, what to trekkies call Star Wars fans again?

      2. When you can make Star Trek watchable, you’ve got the ability.

        1. Or an audience who are not goldfish.

  45. Republicans are old.

    And Hillary Clinton is….old too.

  46. So speaking of Mad Men did Sally Draper get an abortion (and die) or get involved with a black guy? If not I’m teh disappoint.

    1. Sally brought her black boyfriend to the office to announce she was pregnant, when Sal suddenly reappeared and shot D. B. Cooper with Peter’s rifle. The trauma of this caused the baby daddy to jump off the top of the skyscraper.

      1. That would’ve been a much more exciting ending.

  47. I’m surprised that Nick hates the M*A*S*H season finale. Comedies turning serious and specifying about the evils of war is what cosmopolitanism is about.

    1. Yeah, those cosmopolites, wink wink…ya know what I mean?

  48. Pakistan needs braver tourists

  49. Pakistan needs braver tourists

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