Public schools

Brickbat: Aged to Perfection

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FEMA

Steve Starnes—director of schools in Hawkins County, Tennessee—says the school system is taking steps to make sure that students aren't served six-year-old meat again. Parents complained when they found that students at all but one of the county's schools had been served pork roast dated 2009. Starnes says he isn't sure how long the meat had been in school system freezers.

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  1. No harm, no fowl.

    1. Wurst pun ever

    2. DON’T START.

      1. I can’t think of any porscine puns today.

        1. Did you really want to cast your pearls before swine anyway?

          1. Stop hogging the comment thread, ifh!

            1. Tainted meat? Must’ve been a soft sell.

              1. So boaring.

                1. Sow what?

                  1. Don’t get your tail in a curl.

                    1. This story is a load of hogwash

        2. Chris Christie.

  2. So, Mammoth Permafrost is off the menu? I thought there was supposed to be a Paleo option

  3. It’s not clear if it was tainted.

    “Shut up and eat your pig taint”

    1. Oh, hey, I know this one. Doesn’t it start out, “A Catholic and a Muslim walk into a Kosher deli….”?

  4. So it was Spam?

    1. Fun fact: according to Hormel, Spam will keep indefinately as long as the can is not compromised, but will lose its flavor after about five years.

      1. that’s assuming it starts with any flavor

        1. You’ve clearly never had spam then.

          While I will concede that it is possible to not like it, I cannot believe anyone would call it flavorless.

          1. I know, I know, just taking pot shots at the potted meat..

  5. Happy Cinco de Mayo!

    1. Is that some artisinal mayonaisse meme?

      1. It’s Sex with Mayonnaise Day. Similar to Sex with Whipped Cream Day but for diabetics.

        1. So sugarfree won’t be in today?

  6. That’s some awful freezer burn, Miss Piggy. Kinda clashes with the make-up.

  7. Herrell says a cook at Cherokee High School also told him the meat was bad, but was told by the manager to cover it with gravy to give it a better taste.

    Unfortunately the gravy was from 2004.

    1. The entire life purpose of gravy from the moment it was invented was to obscure the flavor of ‘off’ meat.

    2. Unfortunately the gravy was from 2004.

      Look, Fisty, they’ve been unable to buy food the kids will eat since the FLOTUS rules went into effect. They’ve had to dip into the reserve stocks.

      1. fUCK YOU cHIEF wEATHERBIE.

        1. The asshole who wanted to serve the crew PCB-contaminated meat.

  8. They go to school, and that might be the only meal they get all day long

    Umm… I grew up dirt poor, and we always managed at least one meal at home. If you know for a fact that certain children are being starved by their guardians, why are you only whining about the quality of the cafeteria slop? Or do you just “know” the ‘subhumans’ whose whelps populate your school are incapable of caring for their offspring?

    1. Subhuman Whelps would be a great band name

    2. Lots of kids don’t know where their next meal will come from. It was a very scientific survey. They asked 5 years olds “what are you having for dinner tonight?” and the kids said ” I don’t know.”. See! Food insecurity! They never actually said any kid was starving. That would shoot their childhood obesity panic in the foot.

      1. Oh, just like forgoing the steaks at the grocery store in favor of the chicken on sale. Making food decisions based on the prices, another sign of food insecurity.

        1. I found chicken leg quarters at my local butcher for a buck a pound the other day. Made Cuban style pollo asado with them because it finally got to the mid 60s here in sunny western Washington, which put me in a downright Caribbean mood…

      2. It amazes me how many people just swallow that crap. I think there was another one where they asked if people ever went to bed hungry in the past year. And all those people were food insecure too.

        I think people must want to believe that everything is worse than it is for some reason that I can’t figure out. All you have to do is look around to see that no one is starving. Not homeless bums or people living in their cars or shitty slum apartments. Some people can’t or don’t feed their families very well, but that is largely because so many people don’t know how or can’t be bothered to cook things from simple ingredients or make other poor choices in how they spend their money.

    3. Only in America are we lectured that we and our children are fat, then simultaneously told that we need government programs to keep some of us from starving. It’s a progressive Utopia.

      1. You don’t understand. The reason they are fat is because predatory corporations are selling inexpensive food for obscene profits. These evil corporations need to be forced to sell more expensive food, because expensive food is healthier.

        1. No, sarcasmic, those corporations TRICK them into buying the bad stuff.

          1. By making it inexpensive and tasty, those tricky bastards. Though I can’t deny a lot of it is not terribly nutritious.

  9. Has Michelle been notified?

    1. She responded with a hashtag campaign. #SoylentGreen #SchoolFarms

      1. Well, you need some sort of program for all of those kids who either don’t go to college or drop out of college. Obviously, with no college education these “people” will be unable to have productive and meaningful lives so what better way to contribute than by feeding their betters?

  10. It’s aged meat! What’s the problem? Lots of people pay good money for that sort of thing.

    goo.gl/Dkt2VC

    Little whelps should count themselves lucky the the school system is turning them on to haute cuisine.

    1. “haute” has always struck me as the onomatopoea of the sound a person makes trying to choke down dead “cuisine”

      1. “Dead ‘Cuisine'”? For the most part I prefer my food to be dead.

        A lot of French sounds like you are choking something down. I like the description of French as “Spanish with bread in your mouth”.

  11. Pork roast sounds a lot better than what we used to get.

    1. Shut up and eat your mechanically separated imitation meat by-product.

      1. It’s incredible how many products contain “mechanically separated chicken”, which I presume is a kind of roadkill.

  12. Replace it with Pink Slime.

  13. Were the parents complaining about the damage to their kids GI tract? Or were they complaining that they pay lots in property taxes and the school district can’t seem to figure out how to properly budget for the school’s food?

  14. So, six-year-old meat for six-year-old students. Seems like “age-appropriate” food.

    1. Twelve-year old scotch for twelve-year old students?

      1. Exactly. Hundred-year-old eggs for hundred-year-old students.

  15. Government Issue meat. Complainers will be persecuted.

  16. My sister makes $75 every hour on the laptop . She has been laid off for seven months but last month her pay check was $18875 just working on the laptop for a few hours.
    Look At This. ????????? http://www.jobsfish.com

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