Hey, Kids! The National Security Agency Wants You to Recycle!

Big Brother loves Mother Earth.


It'll be Earth Day on Wednesday, and the National Security Agency is prepared. The spy shop's recycling mascot—yes, of course the NSA has a recyling mascot—has narrated this video for Maryland schoolchildren:

My favorite line: "When other agencies shredded or incinerated their paper, NSA turned ours into pulp and sold it to recyclers who use it to make cardboard pizza boxes." Yesterday's incriminating documents are tonight's vessel for dinner!

For a transcript of the video, go here. For more NSA kiddie fun, go here. For Reason's files on the NSA, go here.

NEXT: Ira Stoll on the Left's Bogus Attack on the Apple Watch

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  1. So good luck and make me happy, the more you fill me up, the happier I am!

    Just like my buddy “Meta”, the phone-data-storage mascot!

    How much trash do you think NSA actually recycles? Any idea? Well each year we recycle approximately 13-14 million pounds of material, yeah, that’s what I said, 13-14 MILLION.


  2. It’s not wiretapping, it’s Digiorno!

  3. The spy shop’s recycling mascot?yes, of course the NSA has a recyling mascot?has narrated this video for Maryland schoolchildren:

    Nothing left to cut!

      1. I clicked on that link hoping for katanas


      2. Not Pedobear! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

        1. Warty is one nasty, anti-intellectual piece of cytotoxic.

  4. Hey kids, look we’re green, and that’s cool right? So it’s ok when we spy on you and violate your rights, because we’re saving the planet!

    The NSA should get a fuzzy colorful bear and make a cartoon for kids. Hey kids, I’m NSA Bear, and I’m saving you from all those scary terrorists, like Rand Paul, teabaggers, and people who illegally sell whole milk, you know, all the really bad guys.

    Gee thanks, NSA Bear, I could have gotten really sick on that unpasteurized milk! And what if Rand Paul became president? Then the Koch brothers could destroy the planet and take toys away from us kids and make us polish monocles all day! He’s worse than Grinch and Skeletor together!

  5. Uh-oh say it ain’t so.

    On Monday, at a fund-raising event in Manhattan for the New York State Republican Party, David Koch told donors that he and his brother, who oversee one of the biggest private political organizations in the country, believed that Mr. Walker was the Republican Party’s best hope for recapturing the White House.

    “We will support whoever the candidate is,” said Mr. Koch, according to two people who attended the event. “But it should be Scott Walker.”

    1. Someone’s cruisin’ for a SWAT raid…

      1. I’m thinkin’ the Koch Security Team would dispatch the faux-ninja-tuff-gais and the bodies would never be found.

    2. Eh, he’s only being practical, playing the odds. Walker would be better than most of the others, being slightly less of a wishy-washy statist than most politicians.

      I still think Rand Paul has a shot and will vote for him if it’s even close in this winner-take-all state. Otherwise Gary Johnson gets my vote.

    3. I’ll say it again.

      Rand Paul would be an ineffective one term president because the civil service would chew him up and spit him out without breaking a sweat.

      Walker has a shot at breaking the civil service’s back and getting reelected. Rand Paul has a lifetime seat in the Senate and could have a huge impact on the country by altering legislation and building a political faction of libertarianish Republicans.

      The Koch position is completely unsurprising.

      1. Rand Paul would be an ineffective one term president because the civil service would chew him up and spit him out without breaking a sweat.

        I can’t really disagree with that, I just wish it were different.

        But I can’t see anyone being able to break the civil service. That’s something that would take a national consciousness shift to effect. Like full-blown Second Depression level.

      2. I would think it can be done to a certain extent, but it would require a scorched earth policy that a President might be loathe to engage in. Basically, fire any appointed bureaucrat who doesn’t immediately start implementing a cutback of the bureaucracy when instructed to do so. Sort of like when Reagan fired all the air traffic controllers, but bigger. Then appoint hatchet men/women to their newly vacated roles who will have the authority to fire non-appointed bureaucrats who cause problems.

        I’m not saying it would be easy, or that it wouldn’t have a heavy attrition rate for whoever tried it. But it could be done to a certain degree, if the person doing it was ruthless enough about it.

        Which is why it will almost certainly never happen.

        1. A President that tried to do that would immediately start seeing their nominations blocked, Congress staying in session to block recess appointments, and in two years possibly impeachment proceedings. To many people make too much money off of the government’s tit and too many people with a cousin or uncle that works in some government drone job. It would be the perfect storm of hate.

        2. Which is why it won’t happen. Not until the inevitable collapse makes it happen.

      3. Walker has a shot at breaking the civil service’s back and getting reelected.

        And some civil servant will likely take a shot at him. The dude’s got a pair.

        1. One good thing that I’ve seen about Walker, is that he’s realized you can not fight the left by being nice and compromising. That only makes you a doormat in their eyes. Compromise to them is always about you ceding a little more ground to them.

  6. Here’s an idea; keep a catch bucket handy for when your waterboarding. That water can be reused on the lawn or for washing away blood stains.

  7. I have a weird feeling that someday Mark Steyn is going to declare as a libertarian.

    I would like a candidate who promises to hose out the sewer. Yes, yes, I know it’s not as jolly and upbeat a slogan as “Morning in America” or “Hope and Change” or “A Thousand Points of Light”, but hosing out the sewer happens to be what’s necessary. Beyond the politics, this is a hygiene issue. Northern Europeans come by their Big Government honestly. One may deplore their enthusiasm for high taxes and cradle-to-grave welfare, but it’s what they want, and it’s delivered reasonably cleanly. In Southern Europe, it’s all a bit grubbier, but it’s not lethal – as it always potentially is in the only developed nation in which every tinpot bureaucracy can call up its own SWAT team (of which more below).

    But instead of Captain Hosepipe it looks as if the people are going to hand the keys to the republic over to the most openly corrupt candidate of the modern era. The New York Times reports today on the Clinton “Foundation”‘s industrial-scale cash-for-Cankles operation:

    1. I think “libertarian-leaning” is a far as Steyn will ever get, but I could be wrong. He produces some Balko quality nut-punches on the police and seems pretty socially liberal but is probably too much of a cultural imperialist to call himself Libertarian.

      I don’t know of a larger defender of the freedom of speech in North America. Fought the atrocious “Human Rights Commissions” in his native Canada and is now going to give the Climate Nazis the beating of their lives. Well, when if finally comes to court in 2025.

      1. when if finally comes to court in 2025

        But we’ll all be under water and boiled by then.

    2. Steyn would probably balk at ‘classical liberal’ label, so libertarian is a bridge too far for him. And that’s fine, he’s doing more good exposing conservative-leaning readers to police abuses, free speech issues and show tunes, while doing it with humor and great writing style. Love the Reason crowd, but they can’t touch him or Theodore Dalrymple.

      1. No one from Takimag can be mentioned here, or that Gavin McInnes guy. They are the ones who shall not be spoken of.

        1. Wait, is Dalrymple writing for Takimag now? I just thought of him because I finished Wilder Shores of Marx, and god damn does that man know how to write!

          Or Steyn? Either way, yeah, I see why Reason folks would get the vapors at the very thought.

          1. This guy?

            It’s where I know the guy from. I didn’t know he even existed before I read some of his stuff there.

            I don’t think he’s actually listed as a contributor though. It’s just that they post of lot of his articles.

            1. From Takimag:

              Theodore Dalrymple is an author and retired doctor who has written for many publications round the world, including the Spectator (London), the Wall Street Journal (New York) and The Australian (Sydney). He is contributing editor of the City Journal of New York, and his latest book is Farewell Fear.

              1. Yeah, that guy! He gets around, though he never struck me as Takimag writer, but maybe I’m biased.

                I highly recommend his Life at the Bottom (essays about the British underclass he dealt with as a hospital and prison doctor ’93-2000) and Wilder Shores of Marx, about his visits to Albania, North Korea, Cuba, Romania and Vietnam in ’89-91, just around Soviet Union collapse (he visited Romania six weeks before people overthrew Caucescu).

                The latter book taught me that North Korea and Cuba actually became bigger shitholes in last 25 then they started as, whereas Vietnam improved radically.

                1. Dalrymple writes for Takimag because Dalrymple will write for virtually anyone who asks him to. It’s very odd. He’s a great writer who writes for actual large organizations (he’s published in the Telegraph, the Spectator, National Review, and a bunch of other political magazines/newspapers) but then he publishes at group blogs no one has ever heard of like The Library of Law and Liberty.

                  So it isn’t that Dalrymple is really a ‘Takimag kind of writer’ it’s more that he’ll write for virtually any organization that asks him to.

                  1. I pretty much go there when I really need a good dose of SJW hate that can also be extremely funny.

                    1. I pretty much go there when I really need a good dose of SJW hate that can also be extremely funny.

                      Good God, man, I use Reason for that, and I live in cuntiest city in Canada! Just how much hate do you need?!

    3. Steyn is fucking hardcore when it comes to the military though. He’d never declare himself a libertarian because he’s far too much of a world-policer.

      He’s consistently great on free speech, over-policing, and over-regulation though.

  8. OT:

    Oh noes, the cankle hate is spreading. They’re conspiring against her! Fake scandal!

    NYT, Fox, unlikely conspirators in latest bout of fake scandals and cankle hate?

    1. I would be willing to bet that if someone had complete and total knowledge of the Canklebeast’s activities for the last ten years every single minute of it would constitute one scandal or another. I have the strong impression that she is nothing more than a scheming grifter and outright criminal. The challenge would be to find something she has done that is legitimate.

  9. Oh, Goddammit libertymike:

    How about a topic suggestion for Science with Cytotoxic?

    VAERS says that there have been over 100 deaths caused by measles vaccines in the last 10 years whereas not one death attributable to measles in the same time span according to the CDC.

    The fact that there have been 0 measles deaths in the last 10 years is evidence that vaccines work. After all, before the measles vaccine there were 2.6 million measles deaths a year globally whereas today there are about 150,000. So every year the measles vaccine saves about 2.5 million people (predominantly children) from dying, but because you claim 10 people a year have died from the vaccine (and provide no actual link to this assertion) we should all stop vaccinating.

    This is so fucking stupid.

    1. It’s libertymike, Irish. We already know he’s nuts.

      1. Like cytoxic is sane.

        1. He’s Objectivist insane, though. Libertymike is a healing crystals and remote sensing type of insane.

    2. Oh shut up, rat fucking bagger. A lot of liberals are against this vaccine stuff, and everyone knows that liberals are always right on science and rethuglicans, which everyone on this awful site are, are the anti-science denier, rape denier, mother Gaia hatin Koch brother puppets from hell.

      And stop trying to kill us with your non-organic frankenfoods also, GMO denier!

      1. Gaia Hating Puppets From Hell. Now there’s a band name.

    3. Allopathy, Irish. ALLOPATHYYYYYY

  10. http://www.foxnews.com/politic…..waters-to/

    Hey kids Denver we had to reelect Obama because the evil war monger Republicans would go to war with Iran.

    1. Iran is totally going to get into a fight with the US Navy, right..

        1. Betting that the Iranians are not crazy doesn’t sound like a very good bet.

          1. Not buying it. No upside, even for crazy people. I can’t recall where I saw it, but read that this is more of a demonstration while another ship, which they did try to hide docked in Oman. Guessing they get as close as they can, make a bunch of frowny faces, and head back to port.

            1. For war mongers, Iran has to be crazy when that would further war and deadly, calculatingly rational when that would do the same. What’s important is to get us fighting them.

              1. You mean like Obama? You know the guy who is sending the navy out to confront them over Yemen?

                Just Christ Bo, you are not bright but God you make it easy sometimes.

                1. Don’t count your wars before they hatch John (though I imagine your salivation has already been triggered).

            1. We need a new word. A combination of ‘deluded’ and ‘incompetent’.

                1. “Tulpical”

      1. Better question: is the US Navy willing to open fire on Iranian ships and thus sink the Signature Agreement (To Have Discussion On Framework Towards More Agreeable Agreementoid Structure) on Iranian nukes?

        1. WWIII would break out if the US Navy opened fire on an Iranian ship.


          But those were different times. The poets studied the rules of verse and the ladies rolled their eyes.

  11. This is from The Onion right? Right?

      1. Unfortunately progressives cannot be parodied.

        Hillary Clinton will be the youngest woman ever to be president of the United States if she makes it to the Oval Office. She’ll be less tainted by the scandals and mistakes of previous administrations than any woman ever has been. She’ll be the first American president who has experienced childbirth, or even admitted to wearing a bra. She’ll be the first spouse to have followed her partner into office. She’ll be the first president to have prompted the need for an answer to the question: who is that guy then, if he isn’t the first lady?

        There is no perfect female candidate and there’s no more time to wait for one. God knows, anyway, that the US has long enough been happy to overlook its propensity for anointing imperfect males. There is no choice between a woman laden with baggage and a woman unencumbered with it. But there is an opportunity to signal to all women, everywhere, that “anyone” can mean them. Hillary Clinton is still standing after all these years. And that is good enough.

        1. The best part is when she criticizes American men for supporting torture and war when Hillary Clinton also supported both those things.

          But she has a vagina, so it’s okay.

          1. Isn’t gender partisanship fun?

            1. Isn’t gender partisanship fun?

              +1 male privilege!

          2. Hillary supported torture?

            1. Yep.

              She just happened to change her position when she was running for president! Oh, then when she was Secretary of State she stopped talking about the subject until she she magically decided it was an important issue again in December of last year.

              Huh. It sure is odd that she suddenly cares about torture right around the time she’s gearing up for a presidential run and needs leftist votes to win in the primary.

              It almost appears to be a cynical ploy.

              1. No need to worry, progressives will fully support torture as long as their team is doing it.

                How many of them have you seen complaining about Obama’s war mongering?

              2. Interesting, she seems busted there. And you’re right, I’ve heard her and her supporters bringing it up recently, so these words are worth bookmarking.

            2. “Hillary supported torture?”

              The woman who giggled when she was told the details of Ghadaffi’s murder? I dunno, that seems unlikely.

              Either lead or go your own way Bo. If you follow you are going to be following someone who has an ulterior motive. Clinton is a criminal and a sociopath.

          3. I think they are already out in front of that one.

            (Trigger warning: photo of Pelosi)


      2. From the article

        Barack Hussein Obama is a smooth operator who makes the ladies swoon and the guys drool over the idea of grabbing a beer with him.

        That, plus The Onion…Obama is Smoove B! This explains so much!

  12. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/new…..verse.html

    Gentlemen begin your SCIFI novels

    1. There’s a huge hole in the universe? Sounds suspiciously like your mom.

      1. She said it only feels that way to you.

        1. It’s like throwing a hot dog down a black hole. Without all the robots and Maximilian Schell.

          1. Vienna sausage is what she says.

      2. There’s a huge hole in the universe?

        I bet there’s a log in the hole.

    2. That’s the region of space where the progressives achieved complete dominance. That is all that’s left.

      You didn’t build that universe.

    3. I have had the strong suspicion for thirty years that our understanding of the nature of the universe is fundamentally flawed. This only makes the suspicion stronger.

      1. What are you talking about man. There’s a consensus! Denier!

        1. The first time I was accused of that I was sitting in a HS science class. I had suggested that the universe is probably teeming with planets like the ones in our solar system.

          1. The sun revolves around the earth, boy. Now it’s time for a stake and some fire…

            1. It’s really surreal that the left do not understand how much they sound and behave exactly like 16th/17th century inquisitors. Running around calling people deniers, and totally willing to toss these deniers into the dungeon.

              And there is no one to point this out to them in the bubble world that they inhabit.

            2. It was almost that long ago, but not quite.

              I made an extremely reasonable argument which was rejected out of hand because people want desperately to believe that their ass is the center of the universe. It stands out in my memory because that was the first time I had seen it on display so clearly. I don’t think i said a word in that class for the rest of the year.

          2. It was fascinating years ago how wedded so many scientists were to the idea of there being no other Earth-like planets out there, which, considering the size of just the galaxy let alone the potentially infinite size of the universe, is just fucking absurd from a probability perspective. I mean, really fucking absurd.

            1. Interestingly scientists used to think the Sun was a pretty common-type of star but now it is believed to be a very rare type of star that bigger and more bright than most stars.

          3. Isn’t “Dark Matter” just code for “our ideas about the universe are wrong but we don’t know how”?

            1. The answer is in the Ether. It’s in the Ether, man.

  13. I think even the people here who are pro-choice are going to be a bit concerned by what this pro-abortion organization in Colorado had to say:

    The bill “Crimes Against Pregnant Women” contains harsh penalties on anyone who ends a pregnancy against mothers wishes #coleg #NoPersonhood

    They’re actually opposed to a law that would penalize people for killing a fetus inside its mother.

    1. Are they opposed to any law penalizing people for harming a fetus inside its mother or are they against ‘fetal homicide’ bills?

      1. Hmm, as I suspected it seems it’s just the latter. From their website:

        NARAL Colorado @NARALColorado
        #CO doesn’t need “personhood” as SB-268 seeks to create. Our system has tools to punish criminals who attack pregnant women. #NoPersonhood

  14. I admit I generally don’t care much for National Review, but this piece on the Wisconsin thing is pretty good.

    1. I can’t see how the john doe investigations are even remotely constitutional.

      A lot of people need to go to prison over this.

      1. For real. It was like a dry run to see if fascism can fly in the US.

        1. Exactly why everyone involved should be crucified.

    2. I hope President Scott Walker appoints an AG who will not let bygones be bygones in this case.

      BTW, Walker is a very smart man. He ducked the evolution question.


      And then ducked it again. Let me translate that for you. Walker believes in evolution but does not want to piss off an energetic segment of his voter base by saying so. Because it doesn’t matter what he thinks about evolution anyway. If he were of a sincere religious mind that believed in Creation he would have witnessed to that.

  15. But were the pizza boxes used to deliver pizzas to gay weddings? That’s the important question!

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