Harry Reid

Say Anything: A Video Memorial for Sen. Harry Reid, the Ultimate Party Hack

A history told through absurd quotes.

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Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nev.) has announced he's cashing in his chips (this is probably not a metaphor) and going home. He's declaring at the age of 75 he will not be running for re-election. He's been in the Senate since 1987 and has led the Democrats since 2007, serving as the majority leader during the Obama administration until his party lost control at the start of 2015. Here's his video announcing his retirement:

Reid will not be leaving the Senate as a man with a reputation for big ideas or for having any sort of charisma whatsoever. No, rather he was known as an expert at fiddling with the levers of power to control the beltway debate and for his willingness to polish even the smelliest of turds served up by his party. That Reid actually wasn't any good at that second part is what has made his career (especially the most recent years) so memorable.

Rather than offering up some staid blathering retrospective, let's let Reid go out being Reid. Here are some highlights (for a given definition of "high") from Reid's own mouth.

First, we cannot possibly start this tour without a visit to Elko, Nevada. Harry Reid's attempt to portray Republicans in 2011 as great, big meanies for wanting to cut government spending backfired when Reid chose the National Cowboy Poetry Festival to portray as a victim. Instead, the festival he was trying to protect often gets invoked by critics as an example of government waste:

He was wrong on the facts as well, by the way. The organization that puts the festival together only gets about three percent of its funding from the federal government. So those poor poetry-loving cowboys are getting dragged through the mud now over just pennies.

Next on the tour we have Reid's opposition to anything that causes any sort of restraint or cutbacks to the moribund U.S. Postal Service. Reid has a particularly despairing view of what goes on in the lives of seniors today:

As much as he was willing stand up for the right of senior citizens to get the kind of regular emotional boost only Little Caesars coupons provide, he was more than willing to toss the elderly under the bus to try to protect Obamacare from criticism for its broken exchange sites. They're not broken! People are just stupid!

And when the fight over funding the Affordable Care Act led to the government shutdown 2013, both sides played hardball. A CNN reporter made note of a compromise offered to restore a part of the National Institutes of Health that funds clinical trials for children with cancer. There are a lot of different ways to defend holding the line on negotiations. Reid chose the road much less taken:

Don't you understand, CNN? Those kids weren't a voting constituency in Nevada! How stupid are you? So irresponsible!

And, of course, we can't end without bringing up Reid's late obsession with invoking the libertarian conservative Koch brothers at every opportunity. First, the big supercut of Reid mentioning the Kochs over and over again on the Senate floor:

So Reid's against money in politics. That's not an unfamiliar attitude. Oh, wait. No. Don't be silly. He's just against the wrong people's money in politics. Here he is talking about his pal Sheldon Adelson, the casino magnate who spends millions and millions of dollars influencing elections. But see, it's different! He cares:

If you don't understand Reid's argument, let The Daily Show break it all down for you:

The Daily Show

And finally, saving the best for last, here's an utterly incomprehensible Sen. Harry Reid trying to explain why taxes in America are actually "voluntary":

Because deductibles! He also, in a more recent radio interview, insisted that everybody loved paying more taxes, even the rich. It was literally only Republican members of Congress who were against more taxes.

Farewell, Reid. Enjoy those circulars arriving in your mailbox during your retirement. I believe Living Spaces is having a sale on recliners.

NEXT: Ted Cruz' Costly Promise to Secure the Border

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  1. No way I’m watching those. The guy’s voice makes my skin crawl.

  2. May the crapweasel have a painful retirement and a lonely death.

  3. Good by and good riddance.

  4. “Don’t be too elated. I’m going to be here for 22 months, and you know what I’m going to be doing? The same thing I’ve done since I first came to the Senate.”

    Sweet family land deals?

  5. I hope reid is leaving because he has inoperable Colon Cancer.

    1. I think it’s dementia; the man has become increasingly incoherent.

  6. I like his new card cheatin’ glasses.

  7. Let’s all drink a tankard of grog to celebrate the departure of the dread pirate Reid.

  8. After that Koch video, I’d say he suffers from delusional paranoia.. but it’s obviously an act for his neurotic voters.

  9. The only bad thing about his retirement is that he’s not spending it in prison–where he belongs. But politicians are held to a lower standard than us peons…

    1. In a cell with Barney Frank. Wouldn’t that be rich?

      1. Which one would be “LEADING” from “BEHIND”?

  10. Ol’ Reid provides the same “reason” as Mikulski for not running: it’s a better use of resources to support the American People/their constituents/Congress than their own continuation in office.

    Sheesh, this was true as freshmen. They argue for term limits.

    1. He must come from the same clone factory that made Walter Peck, the EPA psycho in Ghostbusters :p

  11. I really would have loved to see one-eyed Harry Reid step up to the congressional podium and announce,

    La di da di = who loves to party? I don’t cause trouble and I don’t bother nobody…I’m just the man who’s on the mic…

    1. Slick Rick FTW!!!

  12. Fuck this shitty mobile site that switches the page you’re looking at when you try to bring the screen back over so you can press Submit. Thanks for losing my comments.

  13. Here’s a little something for those who need a boost in their blood pressure. It’s from the comments at outsidethebeltway.com.

    The good thing is that Schumer ( and Durbin too) will be in safe seats where they don’t have to worry about losing, especially in non-Presidential years.

    Also, do any Illnionis folk want to weigh in on the merits or demerits of Durbin? And does Patty Murray have a shot?
    Lastly, I just want to thank Harry Reid for his service. It can’t have been easy , leading a fractious Senate Democratic caucus against the party of pyschopaths. For the next 22 months, Harry? give ’em hell.

    1. Dick Durbin has cat litter for brains – he understands only two things – be very good at retail level politics (Have staffers yell at the right people when someone calls up complaining Granny’s gov’t check didn’t come) and do ANYTHING the Party wants – say the stupidest things, take absurd positions, humiliate yourself – as long as it benefits the Party (he reminds me of what Kruschev said of Adrei Gromyko – “Khrushchev once boasted to a foreign visitor that if Gromyko were asked to sit on a block of ice with his pants down, he would do so unquestioningly until ordered to leave it.”).

    2. Ah yes, Patty Murray, the woman who claimed that the terrorists flocked to Osama’s banner because of all the hospitals and day care centers he built. Seriously Team Blue?

  14. Because I don’t want to lose my comment again, I’m forced to quote from the terrible movie Tombstone.

    “Well, bye.”

    1. Why Sparky what an ugly thing to say. Does this mean we’re not friends anymore? You know Sparky, if I thought you weren’t my friend, I just don’t think I could bear it.

      1. Ya’ll can kiss my rebel dick.

        1. No. YOU can kiss MY rebel dick.

          1. Rebel has the better claim

    2. I’m your’e huckleberry.

  15. As one of the principals behind the worst piece of legislation since the New Deal, I wonder if he’s losing the support of his party. I’d love for him to lose the Minority Leader position, but he’s snatched that joy away by retiring.

    1. Well, get used to the phrase “Minority Leader Schumer.”

  16. Eh, I really think Mitch McConnell gives Harry Reid a run for his money in terms of hackery. It’s absolutely perfect that they’ve been Majority and Minority Leaders together for years.

    1. They both really helped project the intellectual vigor, philosophical idealism, and moral backbone of today’s establishment political parties.

  17. “A history told through absurd quotes.”

    This should be a weekly column. Do Elizabeth Warren next!

    1. I thought Derpetologist already did that with his “Spot the Not”?

  18. Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nev.) has announced he’s cashing in his chips (this is probably not a metaphor) and going home.

    Nah nah nah nah…nah nah nah nah…hey hey hey….FUCK OFF!
    Nah nah nah nah…nah nah nah nah…hey hey hey….FUCK OFF!
    Nah nah nah nah…nah nah nah nah…hey hey hey….FUCK OFF!

  19. Good riddance.

  20. I’m not watching all the videos because I value my sanity, but please tell me you have the one where he says that Obama is a “light-skinned” African American “with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one”.

    Remember when everyone called for him to resign for that insanely racist comment and then he stepped down?

    Me neither.

    1. +1 Need an Indian accent to go into a 7-11

      /Slow Joe

    2. No, but there’s one where he basically reverses “do it for the kids” (a favorite line in favor of gun-control), when he doubles down on not wanting to help cancer kids, and calls the journalist stupid for even considering it.

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  22. How can you have a video memorial for Harry Reid (the guy who killed off the filibuster for presidential nominees in the Senate in 2013) and not include this
    https://youtu.be/Mi70-wzRYrI

  23. What a smoking pile of shit.

  24. This is what women vote for. This is the most senior member of the Senate from the Party of Women.

  25. Not that the other side of the aisle is much better at attaining any reasonable changes, either. They all don’t seem to know a law they don’t like, as long as it requires more funding from the minions!

  26. You know, if the R party used some of these clips nationally in commercials before the elections last year, they might just have picked up a super majority.

  27. I’d say he can blow me but I don’t think he’d actually be any good at that either.

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