Election 2014

Friday Funnies: Obama Hears You


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  1. So, they’ve taken the uper quarter of ‘Bama and embedded it in his desk ala Davros?

  2. How’s Cosby supposed to get any work down with Jack?e and Charles Napier flapping their gums?

    1. I thought it was Andrew Jackson and Supremes-era Diana Ross.

  3. OT: I wasn’t the only one getting stuck in architecture and falling through the world. I only saw one crash, but from time to time it does freeze for thirty seconds (and resume working if I do nothing). Also, the controls are sloppy, as if they are only a general suggestion at to what Arno should do. In climbing walls, he will often just stop, even when the section above is perfectly climbable (as in he will eventually climb it after enough coaxing) and you have to guess what piece of architecture he’s going to move to next. This is game six or seven, navigation and handling should be understood by your company at this point.

    Most of the time, if you get stuck in architecture, you can fast travel out of it, but if you get stuck during a mission, you have to reload the last checkpoint, often losing all of the city-run progress. Two things which are almost guaranteed to thwart movement are railings and window frames – Arno sticks to them as if glued. Getting him to detatch from either takes a lot of coaxing that should not have to happen.

    1. I won’t tolerate your intolerance you misogynist pig man.

      1. Then we can all be intolerant together!

        Yay, the masks are off, time to be UnCivil… wait, that’s not a big change for me.

    2. When will the publishers learn that releasing an unfinished game is significantly worse than pushing it back? Theirs is an industry that lives and dies on first impressions.

      In other video game first impression news, I picked up FarCry3: Blood Dragon on Steam for less than I used to pay for an NES rental at Blockbuster. It might be the greatest FPS in history. How did I not know about this?!?!

      1. Blood Dragon is a whole lot of fun but it doesn’t have the staying power of Far Cry 3. (the monsters n bad guys become a little too easy to whack later on).

        Becomes repetitive, too. But there is a great sweet spot in there.

    3. I recommend scrolling to the bottom of UnCivilServant’s link. Less so if you are susceptible to nightmares.

      1. hehehe.

  4. The voices in his head are a grave letdown

    1. But they are, alas, his only real friends.

      1. He will, however, find whoever stole his strawberries from the White House kitchen.

        1. +1 pair of steel ball bearings

      2. You have to admit, that zombie does have a decent blue suit.

  5. Obumbles is not a leader. He is a ruler. With his mentality, what we tell him we want means nothing. POS can’t leave fast enough to suit me.

    1. Personally, I’d be happy with a competent administrator.

      Seriously, why can’t we have just that – a guy who manages the affairs of the federal government competently and efficiently without all the turbulence of trying to lead or rule the country into whatever “grand and noble” bullshit gets into their head?

      1. Because they don’t have the ego and ambition to launch a multimillion dollar campaign to win the election.

        1. Then we really are hopelessly and utterly fucked, aren’t we?

          1. You can always hold out for hope except when it comes to the Creedance.

        2. “Because they don’t have the ego and ambition to launch a multimillion dollar campaign to win the election.”


          We have allowed the president so much power above and beyond being commander in chief and signing bills into law that only power mongers can gain the office. If you create a position of great power, the worst kinds of people will gravitate to it.

          I forget who said it, but in commenting about the Bush / Gore election someone said “Lets face it: these are two guys who would eat their own children to get this office.”

          1. I think that’s part of it. But, I think it’s missing something.

            In it’s most primitive form, government is on top of and in charge of society. Og was the tribe’s chief and everyone obeyed him as the boss, as the father figure. The terms changed, but the role really didn’t – king, laird, padrone, or, in our modern parlance, 50%+1. In that context, the notion of the leader shaping society for grand and noble might have made sense.

            But, a few hundred years ago, there was the beginnings of the inkling that things could be different, that maybe government was just one institution among many in society tasked with a specific and defined mission. In that context, the head of the government is no more our leader, fit to determine grand and noble goals for society than the head of IBM, the head of the local trade union, or the head of your church. The only “grand and noble” goal he is properly tasked with is making sure his organization does its job and does it well.

            But, as I said, even the beginnings of that mentality are only a couple of hundred years old. By and large, most social perception is rooted in the more primitive, tribal, mindset of government (If an alien in a science fiction movie says “Take me to your leader”, it’s inevitably the case that the alien is escorted to the White House or UN.). And, honestly, I’m not sure the newer mindset will even survive long enough to become the standard.

          2. I’ve seen Bush’s children, but not Gore’s?


      2. Because its not possible. The bureaucracy and graft involved has become to vast to manage even a single aspect of it. You could put the most qualified manager on the planet in charge of any federal agency and by the end of his appointed term he would look like the least qualified. The sad fact is that if a news agency focused on one particular agency, take your pick from the fda to homeland security, the amount of fuck-ups and waste produced by the bureaucracy would be stunning.

        1. But, the miserable irony is that, even if they are unable to run their organization efficiently and competently, they think they and their hopelessly corrupt institutions are qualified to remake the world in the image of whatever fool ideas get into their head.

  6. Well, I guess we can rest easy. From Coulter’s recent column:

    “Libertarians and tea partiers, you were fantastic this election. I have a lot on my plate right now, so it’s kind of a relief that I’m not going to have to drown you.

    Third-party libertarian voters didn’t cause us to lose any elections, except probably in Virginia, where Republican Ed Gillespie nearly pulled off a come-from-behind shocker. But no one saw that one coming …”

    Then she looks at the GOP and says, very sternly, this is “your last chance.” How many times have we heard that!?

    1. Skeletor aint drowning no one, shit a stiff breeze has more ass to it.

      1. She does look like skeletor a bit doesn’t she?

        Ann is just a fascist. Not a “conservative” or “small government” or any of those things.
        She is also (fortunately) not capable of persuading anyone she is right, since she starts off by insulting them in her biting, demeaning way.

  7. I see Bok had a lot of time on his hands this week. Even drew the details of Obama’s golfing pictures on the desk. Nice touch.

    What’s that on the table behind Lurch and that woman? Nobel prize? Oscar for best portrayal of a Democratic-Dictator? Statue of himself?

    1. Since the nobel prize is a circular disk, it can’t be that.

    2. That is Teddy Roosevelt riding a bucking bronco. He got it in exchange for the Churchill bust.

    3. It’s a broken Hitachi magic wand.

        1. *slap!*

        2. *SLAP!*

          1. Please stop slapping each other’s genitalia.

            1. Only your genitalia you located on your ass. Ours our on the other side…

              1. You’re the one with the dickbutt, dickbutt.

                1. Hey, he’s not your dickbutt, pal!

                1. That’s why I say, “Hey, man, nice shot!”

                  Nice shot, man!

                  That’s why I say, “Hey, man, nice shot!”

                  That’s a nice shot, man!

                  1. *a-HEM*

                    It’s “What a good shot, man,” not “Nice Shot, man!”


                    Oh, right:


                    1. whatever – Nice shot, man!

            2. Whose genitalia ought we slap?

              1. Warty’s….if you have a deathwish.

              2. I defer to SugarFree.

      1. It’s a broken Hitachi magic wand

        the other half seems to be crammed sideways in Valerie Jarret’s mouth.

  8. Hey, Mel Tillis lost his stutter! Not that Marlo Thomas seems to care.


      How’s your Red Skelton Komedy Kollection!


      1. At least Red Skelton was funny. This clown presently in the White House isn’t – at all.

  9. Bok has given Obama a straight up old bumpy penis head. Which I’m sure is racist somehow.

    1. Hey!! Ol’ Dirty Bastard wasn’t racist!

    2. Because everyone knows black guys have big dicks, so drawing Obama like a big dick plays into that racist stereotype.

      1. “It’s twue. It’s TWUE!!”

        1. “Baby, I am not from Havana!”

          1. “Don’t shoot the n###!”

  10. I don’t remember this episode of the Mary Tyler Moore show.

    1. You’re thinking of a different Valerie.

    2. Wow. You’re even older than Fist.

      You’re, like, MY age or something.

  11. This is a mess. I don’t even….

    Thefore, perfect. Happy Slap-Ass Friday, Reasonoids! I hope a chicken bone lodges in your throat and you choke to death like Roger Daltrey in “The Legacy”.

    1. May the Bird of Paradise fly up your nose.

      1. *SLLLLAP!*

  12. If I were sage I would say,


  13. Why is the truth so funny? Ha ha ha HA!

  14. The president is a jug-eared psychopath intensely focused on carrying out personal revenge and carrying on endless with his cronyism. BOKed it right out of the park this time!

  15. My classmate’s mother-in-law makes $73 every hour on the computer . She has been without work for five months but last month her check was $14391 just working on the computer for a few hours. why not try this out.
    vi?????????sit hom?????????epage ????? http://www.jobsfish.com

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