Marijuana

Trick or Treat or Drugs? Police Panicked About Pot-Laced Halloween Candy

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Halloween
Jamie / Flickr

You can trace the progression of America's terrors by paying attention to what the authorities decide to warn parents about at Halloween. The old standby, of course, is that strangers poison kids' candy and re-wrap it with the precision of Christo. (By the way, this has never happened.)

This year, that fear has been joined by another one: candy will be laced with pot! For instance, reports KCCI, the Knoxville, Iowa Police department is warning its 7,313 citizens that:

This Halloween it is more important than ever for parents to inspect the candy their children receive before allowing any of it to be eaten. The Mid Iowa Narcotics Enforcement Task Force has recovered marijuana laced candy and brownies in our area that were commercially prepared and sold in Colorado that were then illegally brought to Iowa. These items were packaged professionally and would be easy to mistake as regular candy.

Yeah, as if any potheads wanted to part with their $5-apiece lollipops just to watch some little witch wail on her candy and pass out on her Frozen blanket. The department pleads:

Parents—please make certain your children know not to eat any candy until you inspect it. You can minimize risk by only allowing your ghouls and goblins to go to the homes of people you know.

But how can you minimize a risk that is already incredibly small? It's like saying, "Parents, remember to inspect your children's pillows for tarantulas." Sure, you can do that. But you're not really making your kids a whole lot safer.

free-range-kids

And if the problem is that pot candy looks identical to stone cold sober candy—which is what the Denver police are warning (with perhaps a bit more reasonable concern)—how are parents going to be able to identify it, anyway? Perhaps they are going to use that old parental standby, "I'll eat this for you, kid"?

Maybe it's time to just calm down and assume that potheads are like the rest of us: They keep the really good stuff for themselves.

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  1. Why is there not a panic about candy dosed with liquor? You can buy liquor filled chocolates legally all over the place.

    1. Because that doesn’t fit the agenda this year, Hazel. Fuck, get your shit together man.

      1. Very well, then. Why is there not a panic about the caffeine in chocolate candy?

    2. Actually, there have been panics over candy dosed with liquor, ranging from state laws saying stores can’t sell liquor-filled chocolates at all, to saying they can’t have them in plain view or stores have to lock them up.

  2. Also
    Parents – please make certain your children know not to eat any candy until you inspect it. You can minimize risk by only allowing your ghouls and goblins to go to the homes of people you know.

    This would totally ruin the fun of Halloween.

    I came of age in the era when kids did NOT bring their parents trick-or-treating. The whole fun of halloween is that you get to run around at night, dressed like a freak, UNSUPERVISED.

    1. The way we did it was one kid’s parents would have a party and invite all of us and our parents (in reality our parents were just dragging us along to their party). All the kids would go around the neighborhood while the parents stayed back and partied.

      1. This sounds like a good way of doing it. That way you get to trick or treat with your friends.

        I had four brothers and sisters, so we all went around as a gang.

    2. I came of age in the era when kids did NOT bring their parents trick-or-treating. The whole fun of halloween is that you get to run around at night, dressed like a freak, UNSUPERVISED.

      Regardless of age, this message; Parents – please make certain your children know not to eat any candy until you inspect it. I think you’re considering the wrong age group.

      Sounds like; “Your parents might stop you from eating candy so you better hide it or eat it before they get a chance to.” to anyone old enough to put on a costume.

      What a warped law enforcement mentality that thinks you say ‘Obey.’ and people instinctively respond, ‘Yes, we will.’

      1. Grrr…

        Regardless of age, this message; Parents – please make certain your children know not to eat any candy until you inspect it. I think you’re considering the wrong age group.

        I think you’re considering the wrong age group but, regardless of age, this message; Parents – please make certain your children know not to eat any candy until you inspect it.

      2. What a warped law enforcement mentality that thinks you say ‘Obey.’ and people instinctively respond, ‘Yes, we will.’

        Why wouldn’t they? THE INNOCENT HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR.

        Your dedication to non-compliance has been noted and will promptly be reported to the Commissar.

    3. I lived on base housing. Two ovals with several cul-de-sacs inwards. Impossible to miss a house. Perfect.

    4. I agree with you, Hazel. Having our parents go with us would have been a total drag. I was thinking that the parents would inspect the candy once the kids got home; but of course, they’d have to be right there, doing a field test on whatever enters their kid’s field of consciousness, lest CPS arrive with a SWAT team to find out why their kid was “endangered.”

      There were always stories about somebody’s sister’s best friend’s uncle who had received an apple with a razor blade in it, but the first time I remember parents not allowing kids to go out for Halloween was in the wake of somebody lacing some (store-bought) Tylenol with cyanide. Because, of course, if someone in the country is poisoned with something, then people down the street are going to try poisoning YOUR kids. At least my parents realized that was silly.

  3. The old standby, of course, is that strangers poison kids’ candy and re-wrap it with the precision of Christo.

    Actually, they use hypodermic syringes. That totally happened once. In a different county. A friend of a friend vaguely recalled having read about it in the newspaper.

    1. A friend of a friend vaguely recalled having read about it in the newspaper.

      Is that the same kid that threw that apple at a tree and after the apple exploded, there was a razor blade stuck in the tree? Because that once happened to some kid over in Winston-Salem. His cousin lived in our apartment complex.

      1. I think I read about that on the internet.

  4. Parents – please make certain your children know not to eat any candy until you inspect it.

    So that when the kids get sick/high anyway they’ll learn something valuable about adults.

  5. Possibly related or maybe not. I don’t care.

  6. Seriously, when my kids get a fever they sleep all day. It’s heavenly. Like a mini-vacation for me and my wife. Sometimes we even screw. If someone laces my kids treats with pot and they zone out until bedtime.. I’m not saying I’d thank them for it but frankly they’ve made my job easier.

  7. As if those pot brownies will even make it to the house.

    Kids get high. News @ 11.

    1. I go trick or treating with my kids. The pot brownies wouldn’t make it to the house because I would eat them. Oh, I mean, “inspect” them. Mmmm, pot brownies….

      1. DO you have to leash them, or do all the parents just film the whole thing and upload it to the ever-expanding Universe of Uploaded Shit that Nobody Ever Watches? I’m not up to date on rearing kids.

  8. I’m getting dressed up as Jeff Lebowski for Halloween. If there’s pot candy out there, I’ll be the first to get it.

  9. Yeah, as if any potheads wanted to part with their $5-apiece lollipops just to watch some little witch wail on her candy and pass out on her Frozen blanket

    This.

  10. Iowa is just as much of a statist shithole as California or Massachusetts.

  11. I pass out candy and bubblegum cigarettes to the youngsters on Halloween. Just to get a rise out of the parents, of course.

    1. I like the cut of your jib.

    2. Are those UNTAXED? I hope your dog wears kevlar.

  12. ‘Yeah mom, I must have got some laced candy from one of the neighbors.’

  13. Shameless pro-tarantula trolling from Lenore. How much is the Tarantula Lobby paying you to endanger our precious children?!

  14. I’m more concerned about pot-laced trick-or-treaters. They come back!

  15. Colorado resident and parent here, (not new to Reason, new to commenting, I like the banter and whatnot)
    pot has been a part of Colorado lifestyle way before legalizing, and of course anyone with a brain knows no one is going to give away our wonderful highgrade to some kids, they can find thier own, thank you very much.
    I hate prohibitionists. They lie and smear and do whatever it takes to make sure no one is enjoying themselves. Like Hitler says, tell ’em its for the kids, theyll give up anything.
    Anyway, its here to stay in Colorado, so suck it, NARCS.

    1. Yes. But.

      The danger is that some of the anti pot zealots will give pot candy to the kids on purpose.

      How do you handle that ?

      better put that world out now.

  16. Good news, everyone!
    Now in Denver they are also giving away $30 bags of pot candy to everyone who rings the doorbell.

    Treat or nasty trick? Denver police warn of pot-tainted candy

    1. Well fuck, man, I’m ringing that doorbell!

  17. The one thing I like about the Iowa article is that they imply that this would only happen on accident.

    Although I think KCCI should run headline stories on every single thing that could happen to you accidentally. Maybe show Final Destination as a documentary.

  18. I love the tarantula bit. It’s like the old gentleman who ran naked three times around his backyard in Dallas every morning and, when asked why, said it kept the elephants away. When it was pointed out that there were no elephants in Texas, he said, “Yes, works pretty good, doesn’t it.”

  19. ROFLMAO love all these comments. They are insubordinate, wise ass and generally delightful. Carry on, you lollipop-passing stoner kid haters. I am with you in spirit

  20. I’m quite concerned about my ability, or inability, to spot pot during the candy inspection.

  21. You’ve got to be F’&king; kidding me!

  22. Have you ever heard a police force freaking out over alcohol laced candies? They’ve been around a long time and no, i haven’t heard any freaking out either.

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  24. I read that ISIS has created a drug that will transform children into zombies and will behead their parents! They are lacing Halloween candy to recruit members for their jihad. Watch out! You can’t be too careful!

    It’s a good thing that I’m not paranoid

  25. Start working from home! Great job for students, stay-at-home moms or anyone needing an extra income… You only need a computer and a reliable internet connection… Make $90 hourly and up to $12000 a month by following link at the bottom and signing up… You can have your first check by the end of this week

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  26. There was one case when I was a kid (late 70’s early 80’s) when a man poisoned his son by putting poison in his kids pixie stick on Halloween. This happened in a suburb of Houston. Since then, not one actual confirmed case but a wholoe lot of panic.

    I let my kid quality test his candy, then take the good stuff for myself. Or I did, now we just like to scare the crap out of everyone else.

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