Voting

Lena Dunham, Lil' Jon, and Alec Baldwin's Daughter Rock the Vote!

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Mismatched celebrities aren't just good for campy 1970s game shows, they also come in handy for smug, painfully earnest, and self-aware get-out-the-vote ads.

Take the latest "Rock the Vote" video, featuring such viral clickbait as Lena Dunham (who famously made a campaign video praising Barack Obama for ending the war in Iraq…LOLZ), rapper Lil' Jon (who apparently is a real guy and not just a great character from Chappelle's Show), and Ireland Baldwin (previously best known as the 11-year-old called a "thoughtless little pig" by her dad, Alec Baldwin). These luminaries are all here to #TURNOUTFORWHAT.

Try to make it through the full 3:27:

You can just hear the pitter-patter of college students racing to the polls after seeing Fred Armisen do a comical take on "The Running Man." But make no mistake, this excruciating video is not the fault of the millenials. Rock the Vote ads have always been lame and incoherent.

Madonna, circa 1992, flanked by two dudes in short-jorts, vouge-ing out such gems as "Dr. King, Malcolm X, freedom of speech is as good as sex…Abe Lincoln, Jefferson Tom, they didn't need the atomic bomb":

In perhaps one of the greatest indignities of their hard-luck career, the Ramones shilled for the Motor Votor Act, with drummer Marky Ramone unable to pronounce the word "registering":

During the Bush/Kerry presidential election campaign season of 2004, South Park struck back for us all against Puffy Puff Daddy P. Diddy Diddy's "Vote or Die" campaign with this gem from the episode "Giant Douche or Turd Sandwich":

Before celebrities #TURNEDOUTFORWHAT, they were pledging their devotion to Barack Obama, which Reason TV paid tribute to in 2012:

NEXT: Jennifer Lawrence Says Fappening Hacking Was 'Sex Crime'

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  1. vouge-ing out

    Are you looking for “vegging out”?

    “Voyeuring out”?

    “Veering out”?

    .OHHHHHHHHH! Right

    /Vogue – everybody dance to the “music”

  2. I made it to 0:50. I like that the paper the little wormy guy handed to Lil’ Jon only had one box and it was already checked. That seems like a more honest way to run an election.

    1. All the way to 0:50? You’re tougher than I thought, Hugh. You were probably able to make it all the way through Into Darkness, weren’t you.

      1. That movie is awesome. Possibly better than the first one because it has less fossilized Leonard Nimoy.

        1. Wait, Hugh, I said tough, not delusional.

          1. I would take Pine and Quinto over Shatner and Nimoy any day. The only question is whether Karl Urban beats DeForest Kelly as McCoy, because they’re both pretty great.

            1. Well I will admit I like Zoe Saldana as Uhura…

            2. You are a monster

            3. That in itself should be a disqualification from voting in elections. Along with thinking the ending of “Ernest Goes To Jail” ruined the whole movie.

              1. Criticizing *any* Ernest movie, or not having watched one or more of them, should be a disqualification.

        2. Better than *Star trek the motion picture? Impossible.

  3. At least they didn’t make the mistake of showing any of their* candidates. That would have killed the vote-boner.

    *Yeah, I know, nonpartisan get-out-the-vote organization, blah blah.

    1. If you made it long enough through to hear what they are “turning out” for, you wouldn’t need to include the asterisk and the BS presumption of any disinterestedness.

  4. I’d love these damn ads to actually be done the right way.

    “Hey kids, if the input from these vapid worthless celebrities is the only thing you know about the upcoming election, then STAY THE FUCK HOME!”

    1. “Hey kids, if you can name the Kardashian sisters but not your two senators and at least 3 justices of the Supreme Court, STAY THE FUCK HOME!”

      1. Ugh. No! 99.99998% of 18-year-olds who could do that are going to be mealy-mouthed poli sci majors who spend their time “organizing”.

        Refusing to participate in the whole farce is the best thing you can do.

        Provided that you spend Election Day in your basement at your reloader instead.

        1. + a couple hundred rounds of 30-30 with my new Hornady bullets that I got for FREE! for buying a die

    2. No, no, no. You don’t understand. Voting is a supernatural act which in and of itself is good, regardless of a person’s knowledge of the issues, whether their vote is statistically insignificant, or the fact that there are generally only two “real” options to choose from.

      Look, these people are animists about everything else. Of course they are about voting too.

      1. I remember as a child that sometimes the cartoons I’d watch would have episodes that celebrated the importance of voting.

        Can’t remember the show but one had an episode that kept emphasizing that Rutherford B. Hayes won his election by just one vote.

        Mentioned, of course, without the context of how that happened and what it resulted in.

        1. But that was a vote by a special commission – the actual voters were bypassed.

          1. Oh, wait, you already linked to that.

        2. But DAT ASS BUSTLE on Miss Solid South doe!

          1. What part of “solid” did you miss?

              1. What, no link to a crazy, obscene video?

                /wipes tear.

          2. No man is immune to the influence of *Big Booty*.

        3. Years ago, I was helping my then-gf prepare for her California subject specific teaching exam on history. There was a part where it talked about teh Evul Republican Rutherford B Hayes ending Reconstruction.

          I launched into a tirade on how fucking factually ignorant that entire passage was.

          I also still plan on naming my firstborn Rutherford.

      2. So, IOW, in the cult of the omnipotent state, voting is a sacrament.

        1. It’s like sacrificing coconuts to their monkey gods.

        2. Yes. Precisely.

        3. And in the cult of dogmatic libertarianism it’s either a sin or a devotional, depending on which ilk you talk to.

          Pragmatic liberty-lovers know it’s a tool and a weapon.

          1. Fuck, you’re pathetic, Tulpa. It’s kind of mind-boggling how pathetic you are. You’re like a whole constellation of pathetic.

          2. Yeah, it’s a tool. I’m going to use it to make the rest of you pay for something I want.

            And I want to invade Syria.

            That’s noble, right?

      3. Epi – you were the guy to the right of Madonna in that video, weren’t you?

        1. It was a different time! I was young, and reckless! I was also on a lot of drugs!

          1. I was also on a lot of drugs!

            Was?

            1. Well, more than now!

    3. “Hey kids, if the input from these vapid worthless celebrities is the only thing you know about the upcoming election, then STAY THE FUCK HOME!”

      I don’t understand how libertarians can say things like this while simultaneously advocating for unlimited numbers of even lower information voters.

      Oh yeah. It’s because freedom.

  5. You know when I think about it more. Why the hell isn’t some conservative/libertarian PAC paying boatloads of money to run ads telling the damn Millennials that if they don’t get out and vote, the government might start requiring them to get permission from the authorities before having sex….

    1. Oh, please, such scare tactics wouldn’t…uh oh…

    2. “Why the hell isn’t some conservative/libertarian PAC paying boatloads of money to run ads telling the damn Millennials that if they don’t get out and vote, the government might start requiring them to get permission from the authorities before having sex….”

      Because most conservative groups would probably agree?

      1. No, Bo. In this day and age, you’re more likely to find more support for that in liberal circles than conservative. Was California’s “affirmative consent” law pushed by Republicans? Or just the ones you made up in your wishful thinking.

        1. That liberals have become more and more crazy on sex doesn’t preclude that conservatives have remained their usual crazy self on the subject.

          1. Was California’s “affirmative consent” law a bipartisan effort the rest of us didn’t know about?

            Tell you what, why don’t you tell us who the prominent conservatives are (that anyone takes seriously) who are pushing to make sex punishable.

            Because there’s a whole movement on the left to do precisely that.

      2. I don’t think so. I think you’re conflating the SoCon taboo about premarital sex (or at least being open about it) with the Progressive’s obsession with promoting emasculation and dependency through legislation.

        SoCon’s will tell you premarital sex is bad, ‘mkay, so “consent” is irrelevant–but, so long as Junior doesn’t get the cheerleader pregnant a little hanky-panky is a sign of a healthy young man. It’s Progs who want to encourage premarital sex since they see it as weakening conservative social values and promoting a new, post-traditional set of values. They just want to make damn sure it’s not taking the form of assertive male heterosexuality–because that’s “regressive”–and ensure that the kids know they can’t even bang in the back of a VW without the involvement of a paternalistic, protective state.

  6. How is Lena Dunham able to do anything when she spends all her time being a victim? Didn’t she just recently claim she was raped by a college Republican yet refuses to press charges?

    1. Raped by a College Republican.

      At Oberlin.

      Right.

      1. The Oberlin College Republicans could meet in a phone booth and still have room for Bill, Ted, Socrates and Billy the Kid.

        1. Whoa!

          *that air guitar thing*

        2. I bet you could throw in the Freud Dude and Atilla the Hun for good measure.

          Excellent.

          1. What about Joan of Arc?

            1. Can’t include her. Lena’d accuse Bill & Ted & Socrates & Billy the Kid & Atilla and Freud of raping her.

              1. This thread is most excellent.

                1. The thread format looks like the cover of Led Zeppelin’s Houses of the Holy. There are many steps and columns.

        3. Oberlin College Republican cannot be an actual thing without removing at least one word.

      2. Must have been bussed in. On a bus with a lot of alcohol.

      3. Check it out, the Oberlin College Republican and Libertarians Facebook page:

        https://www.facebook.com/oberlincollegerepublicans

        Appears to have more women than men.

    2. Look, we were all raped by the college Republicans. Get over it.
      [may have been role playing – was doing a lot of shrooms back then]

  7. OT:
    Black lesbian I’ve never heard of doesn’t want to be labeled “gay” or “African-American”.

    “Raven-Symone: ‘I don’t want to be labeled gay, African-American'”
    http://blog.sfgate.com/dailydi…..-american/

    OK, uh, let’s see. How about “Two-legged Twit”? Does that work?

    1. I don’t see why a statement like “I’m an American. I’m not an African-American. I’m an American.” got your dander all up. Shouldn’t we throw her some kudos for rejecting identity politics?

      1. Yeah, I actually heard this on Redeye Radio last night (not to be confused with the RedEye TEEVEE show) and I thought….

        good for her.

      2. Yeah, I was going to say kudos for her for not falling in line as a mouth piece for some “community” that the race mongers would force on her.

      3. ^^^ This.

        Read some of the absurd reactions people had to her statement. Especially from other black people, it’s insane.

        http://twitchy.com/2014/10/06/…..r-on-fire/

        1. Collectivists absolutely hate it when someone rejects the collective. Because the person rejecting the collective is rejecting, to the collectivists, each and every one of them personally, and they take it that way.

          Collectivists are very, very fucked up.

      4. Sevo saw ‘African-American’ and ‘gay’ and reflexes took over.

        1. Bo’s idiocy doesn’t need to ‘take over’.

      5. Heroic Mulatto|10.7.14 @ 6:08PM|#
        I don’t see why a statement like “I’m an American. I’m not an African-American. I’m an American.” got your dander all up. Shouldn’t we throw her some kudos for rejecting identity politics?”

        I’d be willing to go for that if she hadn’t appeared on Oprah to proclaim being gay.
        Want to keep your choice of partners private? Fine, but don’t ask it be ignored after running up the flag.

    2. Not a bad body…of work

      http://www.imdb.com/name/nm071….._ov_bio_sm

    3. Never heard of her? She was on The Cosby Show!

      1. Well, shucks! I guess…
        The WHAT? I’ve heard of that but….

  8. Meat Loaf }}}} Lil John

    1. WHAT??!

      1. Reason doesn’t let me use greater than symbols, even with the ampersand-semicolon codes.

        1. YAISSS! WHAT???!!!

          /swoosh

  9. Non-partisan, my ass. The ball and chain labelled “$tudent Loan$”, the handgun with the lock, and the globe wearing the old timey hot water bottle are ham-handed ‘progressive’ signalling. Speaking of ham hands, Lena Dunham is aggressively unattractive.

  10. It is shameful and disgraceful how these War-on-Women-Republicans love to sing songs about how they desire all women to behave like prostitutes/strippers and perform lewd acts for money, forced to rub their enlarged posteriors against sweaty male genitalia, while these juvenile chauvinists express nothing but contempt for female servitude and engage in pantomimes of masturbation all over the bodies of objectified females.

    skeet skeet skeet indeed

    1. First link is SFed.

      Don’t forget the old minstrel show where the black performer says “sticks and stones may break my bones/but whips and chains excite me”

      http://www.metrolyrics.com/sm-lyrics-rihanna.html

      1. That’s a shame, because the irst link really sold the idea of War on Women so well… and why Lil Jon is the ideal salesman for the Democrat party…

        because: “the sweat running down his balls” is *liberating*

  11. Sometimes, I think about really stupid shit I did when I was young. Then, I watch that “I Pledge” video, and I feel pretty good about myself.

    1. Unless you assassinated Franz Ferdinand, I don’t see how you could have done a more disastrous thing than that video.

  12. Why???? My eyes!!!

    Nobody wants to see that pear dance, especially in flesh colored skin-tight clothes.

    Dress for the body you have, not the body you want!

    A positive body image is a nice concept and all, but there is such a thing as public decency.

  13. “You arl wolthress to me, Arec Barwin!!”

  14. Once a day I tell myself that maybe today is the day that Reason will outgrow its desire to fellate millennials. And once a day I am disappointed.

    1. Wait! WUT? Who is fellating millenials? Tip: Just because a video is embedded on a webpage does not mean they endorse the video. But any retarded prog knows that, right? RIGHT!?

  15. For an organization that claims to be “non-partisan” I just have to say their videos completely disgust me, not for just being lame, but for their blatant bias.

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