Revolving Door Watch: Eric Cantor Takes Lucrative Post at Investment Bank

Guess he won't be reduced to playing old hits at state fairs just yet.

You needn't have worried about Eric Cantor, folks. He's landed on his feet:

DORMA

Late Monday night it was reported that former House Majority Leader Eric Cantor would take a job at investment bank Moelis….[H]e'll have a base salary of $400,000 for this year and next. Add in $1.4 million in signing bonuses this year, and $1.6 million in incentive compensation next year, and Cantor is looking at a cool $3.4 million.

Reuters reports that Cantor will "provide strategic counsel to the company's corporate and institutional clients on key issues." I invite Reason readers to offer their own translations of that job description in the comments, the blunter the better.

Comments

[Fist of Etiquette]

Is his new office anywhere near K Street?

[Lord Humungus]

Aww... poor guy.

[Bardas Phocas]

I was truly worried about him. After all, he has no real skills. Nice to see he's hit the ground running as fluffer and falator for the Banking Class.

[pan fried wylie]

falator: orator of fallacy

[Scruffy Nerfherder]

I argued for an hour with my Latin teacher that fellatio was a derivative of fellare. For some reason, he wouldn't relent.

[Tamfang]

I am surprised to find that fell?, fell?re is not in my Latin-English dictionaries.

[Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern]

Job - go glad hand your old Kommeraden for us. Get dogs called off as needed.

[Citizen Nothing]

I invite Reason readers to offer their own translations of that job description

I look forward to SugarFree's efforts.

[invisible furry hand]

Since Mr Free hasn't offered his yet, let's start without him.

He identifies which arses to kiss

[Jerryskids]

"provide strategic counsel to the company's corporate and institutional clients on key issues"

"We need more Jews in international banking."

[guru]

Sounds like he is providing analysis of the political landscape to banking clients, as it relates to the banking industry and the major sectors which they are trading in.

Its probably a real-life useful position, with a real value add for customers.

[Almanian!]

That rent isn't going to seek itself.

[guru]

If his job is to advise customers on things congress is doing or could do that may potentially screw them, which is what it sounds like, so they can adjust accordingly that is a good thing.

It does not sound like its a job influencing congress.

[Christophe]

No one's going to write "Use his connections on Capitol Hill to get us corporate welfare and beneficial legislation, LOLOLOL" as the job description.

[Almanian!]

Well, maybe everything but the "LOLOLOL"...

[Almanian!]

No, no, no - of COURSE not! No - he'd never try to "influence Congress" or anything like that!

Why - it's RIGHT THERE in the job description!

And if, in fact, he does NOT try to influence Congress, then he's not doing his job.

Like I said - that rent won't seek itself.

[GILMORE]

Have you ever worked in an investment bank?

[Tim]

It's good to be the King.

[Pro Libertate]

Sounds like a scam to me.

[userve32]

Sounds like some pretty serious business. Wow.

http://www.Crypt-Anon.tk

[LemonMender]

Years ago in a Latin class I learned the word scelus (crime) and we realized that a perfectly good Latin term would be scelator (evil-doer). Who knew that He Man was so literate? But now I think that anyone who milks the public teat like these guys end up doing for their employers should get the Latin sobriquet Scelator. So he is now Ericus Scelator Cantorus.

[Almanian!]

Skeletor is a wuss! Scelator, on the other hand, is a DANGEROUS wuss.

[Jordan]

I invite Reason readers to offer their own translations of that job description in the comments, the blunter the better.

Head of Parasite Relations

[Ken Shultz]

Watch what you say about Cantor. I understand he's had people thrown in prison for yelling things at him over the phone.

That being said, I can't help but feel sorry for Moelis. They must be scared to death of the bureaucrats that they feel like they have to pay an otherwise useless career politician like Cantor all that money for protection.

[Scruffy Nerfherder]

In other words, he's a thin-skinned insufferable prick?

[Scarecrow Repair]

Thin-skinned? He's circumsized; no foreskin at all!

[eyeroller]

Who is more corrupt, the politicians, or the voters who freely elect them?

[Andrew S.]

The politicians. The voters are generally just stupid, not corrupt.

[Scarecrow Repair]

You'd appear stupid too if the only thing you could say was "A" or "B" every two years.

[eyeroller]

Voters often have more choices than A or B, but they still always pick A or B.

[Citizen Nothing]

Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos.

[Ken Shultz]

Well, do you want the Democrat or the Republican?

Democracy is an either or proposition--it's a fucking false dichotomy.

A choice between two candidates! That's what they call "Democracy"!

And for some of Cantor's lesser offices? A majority of the people may not have even voted, so we can't blame them.

[nailzer]

Cantor will "provide strategic counsel to the company's corporate and institutional clients on key issues."

A talking head.

[SugarFree]

provide strategic counsel to the company's corporate and institutional clients on key issues

In-house crony.

Or, as Oscar Wilde described fox-hunting: "The unspeakable pursuing the uneatable."

[Libertymike]

Rent will seek.

[Spencer]

Cantor, "It sure would be nice if you could tell me which way congress is leaning on this bill. I mean, where's the pork going to land."
Sitting Elected Official, "Well, Eric, I can't really tell you that now... HAHAHA! Nah, I'm just yanking your chain. Where do your guys THINK the pork should land? Let us know and we'll make it happen- as long as they remember what a good job I've done when I get voted out of office."

Both of them, "HAHAHAHA!"

[Agile Cyborg]

Evidently insider knowledge of governmental workings is worth a pretty penny to this particular bank.

Four hundred thousand might seem high for an attorney with gov-nuggets but a really good Financial Adviser can easily make 300k or more a year and most advisers of that caliber have no insider info on the gov.

[The Late P Brooks]

Cantor will "provide strategic counsel to the company's corporate and institutional clients on key issues."

"THIS is the guy you want to talk to. The Senator just waits for him to tell him what to do."

[Spartacus]

Title: Proxenos for Congress.

[John]

What is really sad about this is that I guarantee you Cantor thinks moving on to a corrupt influence peddling million dollar plus a year job is punishment and a step down. He would never see anything wrong with this because in his mind he has lost everything. He lost power. Now he has to grovel like the rest of the courtesans. To Canter's mind, no amount of pay makes that worth it.

[Citizen Nothing]

Good point, John. Why don't all Congresspersons welcome being turned out into million dollar jobs? Power is undoubtedly the answer.

[John]

It is why they never leave. Nothing is more addicting than power for some people. These old bastards will be millionaires ten times over and be dying of cancer and still run for office. The idea of quitting and enjoying their life never occurs to them because they have no life beyond power.

[Marty Feldman's Eyes]

No kidding, the post makes it sound like he's landing on his feet but the job description sounds like "consultant", which means no one will be smacking their lips on his ass. He *will* miss that.

[The Late P Brooks]

[H]e'll have a base salary of $400,000 for this year and next. Add in $1.4 million in signing bonuses this year, and $1.6 million in incentive compensation next year, and Cantor is looking at a cool $3.4 million.

Considering how much J P Morgan alone has paid in fines ransom this year, they probably see Cantor's "wise council" as a bargain.

[OldMexican]

"Ok, children, how do you spell cronyism?"

"C-A-N-T-O-R!"

"Good! And how do you spell relief"

"R-O-L-A-I-D-S!"

[Citizen Nothing]

And how do you spell relief
P-R-I-M-A-R-Y?

[OldMexican]

Reuters reports that Cantor will "provide strategic counsel to the company's corporate and institutional clients on key issues."

His e-mail signature will say:

"Eric I. Cantor, JD
Wheel-greaser Specialist"

[MegaloMonocle]

I think its "Knob-Greaser".

[Dr. Fronkensteen]

provide strategic counsel to the company's corporate and institutional clients on key issues."

Oh a bullshit artist.

[Mongo]

A 'Customer Experience Specialist.'

[db]

There was a consultant name Cantor
In his previous gig he would pander
To cronies and lice
Now he gets a big slice
Thanks to rent seekers' chartered soft lander.

[Citizen Nothing]

We need more limericks on H&R.

[F. Stupidity, Jr.]

Fuck you that's why was the saying
when the government stopped us from playing
"You're going to jail
for life, without bail
but at least you're not getting a flaying!"

[Anomalous]

This is my shocked face.

[creech]

Salary pales against that of a potential President's talentless daughter working at a major network.

[Ryan60657]

How does this compare to Rahm Emanuel's investment-banking compensation?

[MegaloMonocle]

The real payoff is in the insider-trading profits. Give it time.

[Election Commission]

I was truly worried about him. After all, he has no real skills. Nice to see he's hit the ground running as fluffer and falator for the Banking Class.
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