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Third Time the Charm in Iraq?, Ferguson Cop May Not Have Been Badly Injured After All, More Fun in Ukraine: P.M. Links

J.D. Tuccille | 8.22.2014 4:30 PM

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  • Chuck Hagel
    Department of Defense

    Islamic State is really, really bad, says Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel. And airstrikes don't seem to be up to the job of stopping the group. So you might want to get ready for Gulf War 3.

  • Despite sketchy reports of an eye injury, Ferguson cop Darren Miller may not have been badly injured in a tussle with Michael Brown at all. Hospital reports apparently mention nothing worse than a little swelling.
  • There's more reason to dislike Obamacare's much-maligned medical device tax. The IRS can't figure out who is supposed to pay, and collections are running well behind expectations.
  • Mykola Zelenec, an honorary consul for Lithuania in Ukraine, was reported by his country to have been murdered by Russian-backed separatists. And the U.S., EU, and NATO are really ticked over Russia's casual attitude toward the international border. So, hang on tight…
  • Texas Governor Rick Perry slapped back at Travis County DA Rosemary Lehmberg, who pursued an indictment against him after he threatened to veto her budget. "Thank God they stopped her before she killed someone," he said of Lehmberg, who was convicted of drunk driving. Pistols at 20 paces, folks. We'll buy tickets.
  • With the continent's economy staggering along, financial markets expect a new round of stimulus from the European Central Bank. Anybody have some Bitcoin lying around?

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NEXT: Governor Who Oversaw Soaring Unemployment Will Teach Class on Job Creation

J.D. Tuccille is a contributing editor at Reason.

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  1. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    ...Ferguson cop Darren Miller may not have been badly injured in a tussle with Michael Brown at all.

    I'll wait to pass judgment until all the facts are revealed through a TV movie.

    1. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

      Hello.

      "Montreal's police earned a reputation during student protests in 2012 as a force willing to resort to tear gas, pepper spray and some muscled arrests to rein in rowdy demonstrators.

      On Monday, they gained a different sort of image ? that of a force prepared to look the other way when mayhem and vandalism are being caused by fellow city employees."

      All over a pension fight with the government. They have vandalized government property by plastering stickers on their cars too.

      http://bit.ly/VLKitX

      1. Brandon   11 years ago

        Set em all adrift on an iceberg and let em eat each other. When they get down to the last survivor, nuke the iceberg.

    2. Lady Bertrum   11 years ago

      Staring Samuel L. Jackson as Michael Brown and Rob Lowe as officer Miller.

      1. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

        I think Kenan Thompson is better suited for the role of Michael Brown.

      2. kinnath   11 years ago

        Who plays WoJo?

        1. Bobarian (dinosaur hunter)   11 years ago

          Abe Vigoda?

          1. kinnath   11 years ago

            Isn't he sleeping with the fishes by now?

            1. Marshall Gill   11 years ago

              ISWYDT

      3. Bobarian (dinosaur hunter)   11 years ago

        I'mma wait for the Spike Lee version, starring Kane Hodder as the white devil police officer and Michael Clark Duncan's corpse as Michael Brown's corpse.

        1. Nooge.   11 years ago

          That's brilliant!

      4. Zeb   11 years ago

        Jackson is getting a bit old.

    3. AlmightyJB   11 years ago

      Ferguson cop Darren Miller may not have been badly injured in a tussle with Michael Brown at all.

      im really not sure what that has to do with anything.

      1. The Last American Hero   11 years ago

        Team Pro Miller was using it to indicate that the poor cop was fighting for his life when he was forced to draw his weapon and put down the perp. The lack of serious injury calls that version of events into question.

        1. UCrawford   11 years ago

          Shocker that an anonymous "source" from a fuck-up police department that keeps filtering out false and heavily edited documents in their press conferences while being the opposite of transparent and open, would *lie* to make one of their brother officer's actions look less guilty.

          Next you'll be telling me that the officer's friends calling into the radio station were lying about Michael Brown attacking the officer because they have no idea what happened and pay absolutely no penalty for poisoning public opinion against Brown with false claims since they aren't making official statements.

        2. Austrian Anarchy   11 years ago

          Just getting punched is enough. The store clerk had every much the right to shoot the punk as the cop did.

          1. UCrawford   11 years ago

            What makes you think the cop had a right to shoot Brown? The details on the incident were redacted from the official report, the police chief admitted that the robbery had nothing to do with the cop stopping Brown, the police keep changing their story and have provided no evidence that the officer was seriously assaulted, the eyewitnesses all say it was an unjustified shooting, and the physical evidence doesn't contradict the witnesses' claims that he was shot from a distance.

            Seems to me that an actual anarchist would be far more skeptical of the police when it comes to people getting shot by cops.

      2. Brandon   11 years ago

        Well it proves that the fellow officer who gave him the alibi punch hits like a girl.

    4. Karl Hungus   11 years ago

      I'll wait to pass judgment until all the facts are revealed through a TV movie.

      Vinnie Jones as Officer Wilson (provided he can lose his Cockney accent and affect a Missouri drawl)

      Jaden Smith as the sweet chreub Michael Brown

      Chris Tucker as Dorian Johnson, Brown's supposed accomplice in the supposed robbery (this part will definitely need to be written as a comic foil)

      James Earl Jones as Missouri State Highway Patrol Captain Ron Johnson

      James Woods as Missouri Governor Jay Nixon

      Mickey Rourke as Ferguson Chief of Police Thomas Jackson

      Josh Brolin as Ferguson mayor James Knowles

      1. Heroic Mulatto   11 years ago

        Switch out Jaden Smith with Anthony Anderson and together with Tucker you have the potential for a zany duo comedy.

        1. Karl Hungus   11 years ago

          Switch out Jaden Smith with Anthony Anderson and together with Tucker you have the potential for a zany duo comedy.

          Your casting choice is inspired, to be sure, but with Smith, you'd get the sort of fresh-faced innocence that I think the part demands.

    5. PapayaSF   11 years ago

      By the time Hollywood gets through with it, it'll star Beyonc? as Mike Brown.

      1. Marshall Gill   11 years ago

        Why should men get all the victim roles?

    6. Austrian Anarchy   11 years ago

      With Mediaite and CNN as the sources, this must be an open and shut case. The movie sounds more NBC than Oxygen.

  2. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    Mykola Zelenec, an honorary consul for Lithuania in Ukraine, was reported by his country to have been murdered by Russian-backed separatists.

    I suppose any press is good press, right?

  3. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    The IRS can't figure out who is supposed to pay, and collections are running well behind expectations.

    Suddenly they're above double taxation?

    1. Rich   11 years ago

      Good point.

      And why do they want to deny people the thrill of receiving refunds?

    2. AlmightyJB   11 years ago

      The solution is obvious. Confiscate all wealth a d figure out to whom a refund is due later.

  4. Rich   11 years ago

    So you might want to get ready for Gulf War 3.

    If we get to invade Syria, you might want to get ready for *World* War 3. 8-(

    1. Lady Bertrum   11 years ago

      But will it be in 3D?

    2. Los Doyers   11 years ago

      No. No World War shit until I turn 26. After that, bombs away.

      1. C. Anacreon   11 years ago

        Why, because you'll no longer be on your parents' health insurance?

        1. Los Doyers   11 years ago

          I'M FORCED TO BUY UNIVERSITY INSURANCE. I just don't want to be conscripted into Uncle Sam's legions.

          1. thom   11 years ago

            WWIII breaks out I bet that age cap goes up.

            1. Corning   11 years ago

              WWIII breaks out and they raise it up to my age some selective service agents are going to die.

              1. perlhaqr   11 years ago

                "I don't think you've really thought through how stupid of you it would be to attempt to enslave me and then then give me a rifle."

                1. gaoxiaen   11 years ago

                  Or heavy machine gun.

            2. blighted non millenial   11 years ago

              ^This. My grandfather was drafted at 40 in WWII.

        2. Pl?ya Manhattan.   11 years ago

          Something something selective service.

          1. Los Doyers   11 years ago

            Draft dodgers sent to Oakland as punishment.

            1. Pl?ya Manhattan.   11 years ago

              Punishment averted.

      2. Ted S.   11 years ago

        I passed 26 long ago. Screw you.

        1. Los Doyers   11 years ago

          The young and old will fight together. (You're the old)

          1. The Last American Hero   11 years ago

            I'm old, but I'm like Clint Eastwood in Heartbreak Ridge old.

  5. Bee Tagger   11 years ago

    Anybody have some Bitcoin lying around?

    I stuff mine under my air mattress.

    1. C. Anacreon   11 years ago

      Nice.

  6. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    "Thank God they stopped her before she killed someone," he said of Lehmberg...

    That video makes me wonder how she survived this long politically.

    1. Dweebston   11 years ago

      You ever doubted the tenacity of a scummy political party wanting to preserve an influential seat?

      1. prolefeed   11 years ago

        You ever doubted the tenacity of a scummy political party wanting to preserve an influential seat?

        It's Travis county, the seat of the state government and of the blue-est part of Austin. Lehmberg ran unopposed in the last general election, and won the primary by a 3-1 margin.

        But then she got caught.

        It'll be a different Democrat in this seat after the next election.

    2. Ted S.   11 years ago

      She's a she, and with political views the media likes.

      1. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

        How dare you force your patriarchal views of gender on this manwoman!

      2. CatoTheElder   11 years ago

        Lehmberg is also lesbian, so she's actually a twofer with political views that align with the media.

    3. perlhaqr   11 years ago

      Pistols at 20 paces, folks. We'll buy tickets.

      Tickets? I'll pay for the fucking ammo!

  7. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

    What I do like about ISIS--actually, it's the only thing I like--is how their name changes on a daily basis. I suggest they pick a cool one tomorrow, like Fremen.

    1. Dweebston   11 years ago

      Insha'Allah Muad'Dib!

      1. Rich   11 years ago

        Hoko Baram!

        1. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

          Yes, they had the right idea.

          Bene Gesserit!

          1. Almanian!   11 years ago

            Hodor!

            1. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

              That would be great. They could grant interviews with major media outlets and simply respond to every single question, "Hodor."

              1. Almanian!   11 years ago

                MATT DAMON!!

                Even better, I think

                1. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

                  With frequent name changes, all names are possible.

                  Christians for Mohammed!

      2. C. Anacreon   11 years ago

        Mo' Money, Mo' Power, Mo'Hammad

        1. Dweebston   11 years ago

          Winner.

          1. gaoxiaen   11 years ago

            3M.

    2. Zeb   11 years ago

      Interesting to mention the Fremen. Everyone thinks Fremen are awesome. But if you actually met them, would you think much more of them than ISIS/ISIL/TIS?

      1. Bardas Phocas   11 years ago

        Would the smoke some spice with me?

      2. Jensen   11 years ago

        I'd probably take the Fremen over the Harkonnen or the Padishah Emperor, at least their messiah has some street cred with the literal 'Hand of God' thing. Leto and the Golden Path is a lot more complex though.

      3. Brandon   11 years ago

        I'm a big fan of hallucinogens and orgies, so yeah, I think I'd like them.

        1. Zeb   11 years ago

          If they didn't just kill you for your water.

      4. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

        The Fremen were the most lame and least plausible part of Dune, including the Sandworms and the Navigators.

        1. Brandon   11 years ago

          This is why nobody likes you.

          1. Marshall Gill   11 years ago

            No, there are other reasons too.

    3. VG Zaytsev   11 years ago

      -is how their name changes on a daily basis.

      I'm pretty sure that's the dumb fuck western media doing that. Not the psychopaths from sha'ab

    4. Adam   11 years ago

      Actually, their name technically hasn't changed, only the way people translate it. It's always been ????, pronounced daa'sh, which is an acronym meaning The Islamic State of Iraq and Al-Sham.

      But the letter "sh", which is spoken Al-Sham(pronounced "Ash-Shaam")can also be tranlated into "the Levant". Actually, Hamas and Fatah (PLO)are also acronyms, and if the western media insisted on translating the words they'd have the same issue, that is various possible ways of translating it. Fortunately for Fatah, they provided the world with the translation, The Palestinian Liberation Organization, although the literal translation is quite a bit different.

  8. Fr?ulein Nikki   11 years ago

    Enjoying our national conversation about police militarization? Well, progressives are intent on destroying it, because libertarians exist.

    Did you know that libertarians want users of the criminal justice system to pay for...using a system that criminalizes a bunch of shit we don't think should be illegal?

    Having people who "use" the criminal justice system pay for it strikes me as pretty close to the libertarian vision of how taxes should function. ...

    This is yet another way in which the growth of market society is wedded to the growth of a carceral state. But thinking through this issue can lead you to interesting places. If you think that this offender-funded system is unfair because the poor don't have the ability to pay for it, you are basically 90% of the way to an argument for progressive taxation. And if you think private parties using coercive power invites abuse, abuses that should be checked by basic mechanisms of democratic accountability, you are also pretty close to an argument for the modern, professionalized, administrative state. Welcome to the team.

    1. Warty   11 years ago

      That was so bad it gave me cancer. And the "welcome to the team" bit at the end is some nice icing on the smugcake. The libertarians in these peoples' heads are assholes.

      1. Bobarian (dinosaur hunter)   11 years ago

        The libertarians in these peoples' heads are assholes.

        So are the ones in my head, but for completely different reasons (drink)!

        1. Ted S.   11 years ago

          Just because I put the voice of Edwin Starr in your head the other day doesn't make me an asshole!

        2. Tonio   11 years ago

          I'm liking the (dh) bit.

      2. Emmerson Biggins   11 years ago

        We are assholes though, aren't we?

        That doesn't change anything about the stupidity of the above argument.

    2. Sevo   11 years ago

      There seems no sophistry lefties won't use to demonize what totally confuses them.

    3. Fr?ulein Nikki   11 years ago

      Brace yourselves: something decent from Weigel

      And something potentially even more retarded than my first link above

      1. Warty   11 years ago

        I waded into the comments.

        Reminiscent of a bee 39 minutes ago
        Libertarians also reject campaign finance reform (they support the repeal of basically all campaign finance legislation, effectively putting the country's representatives on the market. Essentially legalizing the actions of Rod Blagojevich). Randy Paul is basically best buds with David Bossie of Citizen's United fame (that is, when Paul's not hanging out with the racist Southern Avenger or Aqua Buddha).
        FlagShare

        I quickly waded out.

        1. Fr?ulein Nikki   11 years ago

          Do they even know what Blago did? Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

        2. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

          I don't recall libertarians advocating bribery. There's a world of difference between personally handing money to someone and supporting his campaign. Sure, shenanigans can abound, but that's an entirely separate issue. . .and shenanigans are actionable, even though no one wants to hold any politician accountable anymore.

        3. Sevo   11 years ago

          ..."Essentially legalizing the actions of Rod Blagojevich"...

          Which is hilarious. Blago did nothing other than what that hag Pelosi does every damn day, but he was dumb enough to say so.
          The lesson he didn't learn is to keep his pay shut.

          1. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

            Sevo, how would you like to be the next Senator from Illinois?

          2. PapayaSF   11 years ago

            Eh, I don't think so. It's one thing to reward donors with appointments. It's another to say "What am I bid for this Senate seat?" It's the difference between a woman sleeping with after you took her out three times, and her saying: "I'll sleep with you for three dinners."

            1. Sevo   11 years ago

              Yeah, sorta like that.

            2. Emmerson Biggins   11 years ago

              Ya but he didn't use the word "bid". What he said, at least what I heard, was perfectly compatible with just wanting to get political juice out of it.

        4. Carl ?s his ? for ?s   11 years ago

          I guess Libertarians had to get something right eventually. Fact is, when 99% of everything is say is indefensibly stupid, you can't blame people when they stop paying attention to you. Oh, and the fact that progressives have been arguing against a militarized police since....forever.

          1. tarran   11 years ago

            BWA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

            These are the same people that fantasize about gun owners being massacred by government machine guns!

            1. Heroic Mulatto   11 years ago

              "forever" in this person's mind stretches all the way back to last week.

              So it's true from his viewpoint.

          2. Max Power   11 years ago

            And places run by liberals (New York, Philadelphia, Los Angeles, Boston), no way are the police militarized there. No sir.

      2. robc   11 years ago

        Warty beat you by 2 minutes. Warty.

        Thats gotta suck for you.

        1. Tonio   11 years ago

          Time travel. Duh. Don't you read SF's...writings?

          1. UnCivilServant   11 years ago

            Don't you read SF's...writings?

            Hell no!

      3. Ted S.   11 years ago

        This is why Nicole is the worst.

      4. perlhaqr   11 years ago

        That was so stupid it made my teeth hurt.

    4. AuH20   11 years ago

      See, the problem is, we define "private parties using coercive power invites abuse" VERY DIFFERENTLY than progs do.

      We don't, for example, think that marketing a product, or a political candidate, and spending a ton of money on that, in any way "coerces" people to buy that product or support that politician.

      We don't think that McDonalds putting toys in happy meals is coercive.

      We think that someone robbing you at gunpoint IS coercive, even if you are a college-bound poor person of a non-white skin color. We think that smashing a store window and taking a TV is coercive, even if there are legitimate issues to protest and riot about.

      God, I fucking HATE progs.

      1. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

        Freedom from freedom is what they truly crave.

        1. AuH20   11 years ago

          Freedom allows people to make choices that progs disagree with.

          But this awful. Progs always make the best choice, and because it is the best choice for them, it is the best choice for everybody. Everybody should eat organic kale salad at a brunch place for 40 bucks instead of an Egg McMuffin. No one should own a gun.

          The only reason that people would make choices progs disagree with is because they have been tricked or lied to. They can't be individually responsible, because they are poor/black/gay/insert oppressed group here, and they lack privilege (ie Progs white guilt won't allow it).

          The other reason that people disagree with progs is they are KOCHTOPUS TEATHUGLICANS!

          Either way, they disagree with progs, and are making the wrong choices for themselves without knowing it. So by bringing the state into it, the progs are doing everyone a favor by forcing them to make the exact same choice as a prog and the choice they WOULD make if they were as enlightened as your average American progressive.

  9. Bee Tagger   11 years ago

    The IRS can't figure out who is supposed to pay

    Oooo, I know this one. Conservative groups?

  10. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

    So you might want to get ready for Gulf War 3.

    I'm holding out for Gulf War Z.

    1. Brandon   11 years ago

      Meh. It'll be overhyped and then the movie will be absolutely terrible.

  11. Carl ?s his ? for ?s   11 years ago

    Woman drags her phone-addicted boyfriend across Beijing subway platform

    She's hot.

  12. Warty   11 years ago

    Libertarians should support gun control

    But we don't, of course. Because we're really Nazis or something.

    1. Fr?ulein Nikki   11 years ago

      I love how the Weigel piece I linked above actually does address this particular retardation.

  13. Rich   11 years ago

    TSA admits that illegal aliens were being allowed to board planes using Notice to Appear forms they received after entering the U.S. illegally. The revelation directly contradicts a TSA statement last month.

    Notice to Appear forms can "easily be reproduced or manipulated on any home computer. The Notice to Appear form has no photo, anyone can make one and manipulate one. They do not have any security features, no watermark, nothing. They are simply printed on standard copy paper based on the information the illegal alien says is the truth."

    TSA's a big organization. It takes a while to get the story straight.

    And it would seem a variant of that form could serve as poor/minority voter ID.

    1. flye   11 years ago

      Check my papers -- says here I'm allowed to board.

    2. thom   11 years ago

      Based on the article it appears that these "illegal aliens" were still screened for contraband that could have created a security risk? If so, I don't see what the actual problem is.

      1. Zeb   11 years ago

        The problem to me is that people aren't allowed freedom of movement anymore without a government provided license (e.g. a drivers license or passport).

      2. PapayaSF   11 years ago

        So a citizen has to show ID, but but be an unknown person from who knows where and walk across the border and you don't have to?

    3. Zeb   11 years ago

      So the fuck what? If it's not an international flight, I've never understood the need to positively identify airline passengers.

      1. thom   11 years ago

        Even if it is an international flight, it's between the individual and the country they're flying to as to whether their identity matters.

        1. Zeb   11 years ago

          Yes, that is true. But I could the airlines probably have good reason to make sure that people flying do have the proper documents for the destination country.

          1. thom   11 years ago

            Agreed. The airline actually has a financial stake in making sure the person will be admitted, which is why airlines independently check your passport before they'll issue you a boarding pass.

            1. creech   11 years ago

              Why? Are airlines required to fly the person, free, back where they came from if not admitted?

              1. Homple   11 years ago

                Yes, if you don't have the money for a fare the airline is obliged to backhaul you at their expense.

  14. Azathoth!!   11 years ago

    What is the difference between this--

    The reporter, Hollie McKay, cited a "source close to the [police] department's top brass" as providing that information to the network.

    and this--

    Lemon cited a "source close to the investigation" who told CNN that Wilson's x-rays came back negative for a fractured eye socket.

    that has so many of you so fired up to keep repeating something that simply puts one rumor next to another?

  15. AuH20   11 years ago

    The Grantland "Best SNL cast member" bracket might be the worst thing of all time

    Yes, worse than Nicole.

    Seriously, Kristen Wiig as a 1 seed? Off the top of my head, better choices include Molly Shannon, Gilda Radner, and Amy Poehler.

    Also, Andy Samberg as a 2 seed? A 2 SEED? He's a better seed than Bill Murray!

    Seriously, I read that site sometimes for Simmons (who can be fun), Barnwell, Lowe, and Jonah Keri, but this week for some reason they are kissing Lorene Michaels ass and doing this dumbass bracket.

    1. Carl ?s his ? for ?s   11 years ago

      Your lawn is looking pretty torn up.

    2. Fr?ulein Nikki   11 years ago

      That really is worse than me.

    3. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

      Simmons is fine if you're from Boston.

      Other than that.

      Meh.

      1. flye   11 years ago

        I like his NBA ideas. I single-elimination tourney for the final playoff spot would be fantastic.

    4. PD Scott   11 years ago

      Cheri Oteri over Ana Gasteyer? Jimmy "I promise to get through this sketch without laughing" Fallon over Rachel Dratch?

      1. AuH20   11 years ago

        It has this weird, inexplicable bias towards SNL in the last 14 years, which other than a few points has largely sucked.

        Tina Fey was a good head writer when she had the right cast and could lean on Ferrel as Bush. She was not when she had Fallon and Horatio Sanz and Maya Rudolph as her "best" cast members.

        Seth Myers is a legitimately bad comedic writer, as anyone who has tried to watch "The Awesomes" can tell you.

        And, let's face it, SNL has been utterly gutless during the Obama administration. They apparently lack the balls or the desire to go after a black, liberal democrat and find a funny angle on it... but that is pretty much pissing on what made SNL great for so long; SNL has always had the ability and willingness to skewer current events and especially politicians (even Democrats like Clinton and Carter) until now.

        1. Episiarch   11 years ago

          MADTV took this mantle from them, and they never took it back.

        2. The Last American Hero   11 years ago

          Key and Peale have done some funny Obama sketches.

          1. Redmanfms   11 years ago

            Key and Peale have done some funny Obama sketches.

            In which they kiss his ass.

      2. Almanian!   11 years ago

        Rachel Dratch trying to get trough Debbie Downer sketches without laughing were the best. She's funny as hell.

      3. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

        Dratch was funny but I think Fallon had a larger 'body of work' and he is funny even though he laughs through his bits. Then again, so did Sandler, Farley, Sanz and Spade.

    5. some guy   11 years ago

      They broke it down by decade, so Sandberg is only going against other lightweights from the past 10 years. Rander is stuck competing against all the other greats from the 70's and 80's. Clearly whoever makes it out of that bracket will dominate the "final four". Only Tina Fey and Will Farrel could even stand a chance against anyone from the 70's and 80's.

      1. AuH20   11 years ago

        I hadn't noticed that. It does explain it somewhat... but SNL over the last 10-14 years has sucked.

        Those guys should have to do a play-in game to get into the bracket.

      2. Ted S.   11 years ago

        My god, this is the 40th season of SNL, isn't it?

        And no Don Pardo, who should win the bracket hands down.

        1. PD Scott   11 years ago

          SNL started in '75, didn't it? So next year?

          1. Ted S.   11 years ago

            75 was the first season; this is the 40th season.

            Next year is the 40th anniversary, at the start of the 41st season.

      3. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

        Hader was pretty funny.

        1. PD Scott   11 years ago

          I loved his crazy old reporter character, Herb Welch, seen here at Occupy Wall Street.

      4. Cytotoxic   11 years ago

        14 years? More like 20 or even 25 years.

      5. Cytotoxic   11 years ago

        Ferrel is bad.

    6. Bobarian (dinosaur hunter)   11 years ago

      Well, to be fair, most of the forth bracket seeds wouldn't qualify for play-in games for the other 3 brackets.

    7. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

      Did anyone from the most short-lived, obscure cast (pre-Sandler) led by Downey jr and Randy Quaid make it?

      Christopher Guest and Bill Murray went on to make the best movies though.

    8. Stormy Dragon   11 years ago

      Best SNL cast member == Phil Hartman or GTFO.

      1. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

        I wouldn't go that far, though I loved Phil Hartman. He was great.

        "I'm just a caveman. Your world frightens and confuses me."

        1. Stormy Dragon   11 years ago

          It's really easy to be funny when you're the center of attention in the skit doing your big recurring character. It's much harder to be funny if you've been put in someone else's skit and have to be the straight man or a supporting character.

          Phil Hartman had great characters of his own, but he's the best because he was the ultimate "glue guy", you could throw him into any skit and he made everyone else funnier.

          1. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

            He played the role with SNL that Graham Chapman often did in Python, especially the movies. That's a serious skill set.

        2. Gluesponge   11 years ago

          Two words: Colon Blow.

          THE best commercial parody of SNL since the Bass-o-matic. 🙂

          1. flye   11 years ago

            I'm fond of Bad Idea Jeans. "I was going to wear protection but then I thought, when am I going to be back in Haiti?"

            1. Gluesponge   11 years ago

              Not a bad one. Of course there's always "Oops! I crapped my pants"

              1. Stormy Dragon   11 years ago

                Robot Insurance.

    9. Brandon   11 years ago

      Brooklyn 99 is pretty funny.

  16. Andrew S.   11 years ago

    A fun lesson in the dual idiocies of asset forfeiture and Pennsylvania's liquor laws.

    1. Max Power   11 years ago

      It's good they got that hardened criminal off the street.

      1. Max Power   11 years ago

        Also, that story reminds me of when the cops raided some Philly bars and seized their unlicensed beer. I don't know if the owners ever got it back, but I'm sure it was bad by the time they did.

    2. perlhaqr   11 years ago

      That, too, is illegal in Pennsylvania, but certainly doesn't warrant seizing a collection worth $125,000, Kratsa said.

      Sgt. Dan Steele, district commander at the Philadelphia Bureau of Liquor Control Enforcement office that oversaw the investigation, said it does. He said every bottle is contraband because each was offered for sale.

      I don't think this guy understands. It's got fuck-all to do with whether the "crime" justifies that kind of "punishment". It's all about FYTW, and the police getting to shaft some rich guy for a change.

  17. Carl ?s his ? for ?s   11 years ago

    China tells villagers to fight terror by frowning

    One such drill, in Hailiwafu village near the city of Kashgar, on the ancient Silk Road, saw officials advise locals on six "super weapons" that could be used to repel attackers.

    The mostly conventional list, which was later shared on Wechat, included pitchforks, wooden clubs and spades, all of which officials said could be used to bludgeon assailants into submission.

    However, the officials also urged villagers to launch "mental attacks" on their foes, foiling potential assailants by staring at them menacingly. An accompanying photograph showed villagers eyeing the camera more out of bemusement than malice.

    1. jesse.in.mb   11 years ago

      That seems reasonable.

      *stares menacingly at Warty*

      "nooooooo it didn't work"

    2. Warty   11 years ago

      No-punch knockouts, huh.

      Project your qi

      1. Dweebston   11 years ago

        +2 Joe Nickell

      2. Jesus H. Christ   11 years ago

        Hilarious. I haven't done any martial arts in 25 years, but I was into it as a teenager. There's a lot of nonsense in most martial arts, and that's a spectacular example.

    3. Ted S.   11 years ago

      Try laughing and pointing at the authorities and see what happens.

  18. jesse.in.mb   11 years ago

    In other news. We're totally living in a simulation.

    Cody Littley's new hard drive can only hold a single kilobyte of data?about one millionth of what you can cram onto those finger-nail-sized microSD cards?and it can't exactly slide into the back of your smartphone. But it's still an impressive creation. Littley built it himself, inside the virtual world of Minecraft.

    1. Rich   11 years ago

      Littley's endeavor provides a crash course the basic concepts that underpin our computer hardware.

      "Crash course", eh?

      It's simulations all the way down.

      1. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

        I actually suspect that this is true. We're a simulation within a simulation of a simulation. Maybe more.

        1. Rich   11 years ago

          Or some space-alien kid's ant farm.

          1. Almanian!   11 years ago

            So he's the one responsible for "Alien Ant Farm" - stupid kid

        2. db   11 years ago

          42.

        3. Pi Guy   11 years ago

          It's simulations all the way down!

    2. paranoid android   11 years ago

      Well, I'm sure as hell glad whoever designed this one didn't program in Creepers.

      1. Marshall Gill   11 years ago

        I'm sure as hell glad whoever designed this one didn't program in Creepers.

        Crazy talk. Exploding zombies would be awesome!

    3. Carl ?s his ? for ?s   11 years ago

      Wait until someone builds a full computer in Minecraft, runs Minecraft on it, and builds a hard drive in that.

      1. Almanian!   11 years ago

        *mind BLOWN*

      2. jesse.in.mb   11 years ago

        That assumes we're not in some advanced version of Minecraft already.

        1. Almanian!   11 years ago

          jesse! long time no. hope all is well

          1. jesse.in.mb   11 years ago

            All good here. How has H&R been?

            1. Brandon   11 years ago

              Bullet-ey.

              1. Brandon   11 years ago

                And unusually thin!

    4. Cytotoxic   11 years ago

      SIMULCEPTION

      *Foghorn*

    5. PapayaSF   11 years ago

      Best line from the article:

      Previously, Littley built a "factory farm" that automatically collects eggs from chickens?"It turned out more gruesome than I expected," he says

    6. Mickey Rat   11 years ago

      Computer: End program

  19. AuH20   11 years ago

    Although I have figured out why Lorne Michaels is so powerful: He is in bed, production wise, with all the former SNL people. So if you want a Will Ferrel-Adam McKay movie or sitcom, Michaels will often get involved.

    That's how Seth Myers (who would be well seeded in the "most punchable face" bracket") got his late night job.

    What I don't get is Fallon's power/popularity. Yes, he gets relatively good ratings for the Late Night Show... but it's not like Late Night is this huge cultural thing anymore, nor does it get massive ratings (and compared to a decade ago, all broadcast is down). His "Guys with Kids" show was awful, and his smiling at his own jokes is annoying as hell.

    I get the idea with shows like that now, which I think has helped SNL revive a little bit, is that people just watch the clips the next day (this has really helped SNL. Watching an entire episode now is painful- the writers don't understand skit structure, but watching the next day on Hulu, you can watch the moments where the blind squirrel finds an accord) and Fallon supposedly appeals to Millenials.

    As a Millenial, who does stand up open mics in LA, I don't think I have EVER had a conversation about Fallon.

    TL;DR: Hollywood doesn't make any sense. How they make money is a goddamn mystery.

    1. Carl ?s his ? for ?s   11 years ago

      Fallon supposedly appeals to Millenials

      I thought Late Night was for old people.

      1. Ted S.   11 years ago

        Ah, but the programmers are trying to get the millennials to watch, because the advertisers think they don't have their brand loyalty set in stone the way old farts do.

        1. AuH20   11 years ago

          My brand loyalty has nothing to do with advertising. It has to do with making a good product.

          Example: I very well may buy a Dell Laptop soon, because I, personally, have had GREAT interactions with their customer service people. Even though consumer reports tells me that Lenovo is better, when I had one before my dell, I didn't have great costumer service.

          But it doesn't have anything to do with either company's advertising. I have the internet. I can compare products pretty easily.

          1. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

            I've always found it interesting how crossover comedians from places like SCTV and even Kids in the Hall never quite settled on SNL.

            1. BakedPenguin   11 years ago

              Well, the other 2 were good shows.

              1. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

                Why didn't they ever go after any of the Python guys?

                1. tarran   11 years ago

                  Because the Python guys would do edgy stuff that would have NBC execs stroking out.

                  Have you watched "A Liar's Biography"?

                  The SNL guys are the stepford wives compared to the Pythons

          2. Fr?ulein Nikki   11 years ago

            Those aren't the kind of advertisers who care about your brand loyalty. It's much, much, much, much, much more important for CPG firms. Procter & Gamble wants to lock you in to Tide. Because for products like that, the brand is really the only differentiator.

            1. AuH20   11 years ago

              Useful point, Nikki.

              But I on those things, then the research the internet allowed me really hurts them. I really don't care if I'm getting the Costco brand detergent, if its cheaper.

    2. Sevo   11 years ago

      "What I don't get is Fallon's power/popularity."

      I read an interview. he claimed he'd 'do anything for a laugh!'
      It shows.

    3. Episiarch   11 years ago

      SNL hasn't understood skit structure since the mid 80s. Even back then the last 30 minutes of the show was ultra painful and boring.

      1. Invisible Finger   11 years ago

        SNL needs to be preempted every third week by Weekend With Lloyd Dobyns again.

      2. thom   11 years ago

        Every skit is a television show parody. I can't understand why there is such a lack of originality from what must be a talented group of performers. Also, the skits never have actual endings.

        1. Episiarch   11 years ago

          The performers might have some talent but their writers' stable is old and completely out of ideas, because old timers get to hang on and dominate the writing. They need to purge the writers every few years and get new, fresh ones. And I mean PURGE, not dump two or three.

          1. PD Scott   11 years ago

            Get some writers who didn't go to Harvard, too. Diversity!

          2. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

            And now for something completely different.

      3. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

        Been watching SNL since the early 80s. The last 30 minutes were never strong and never understood why they try and shift and shake things up on the back leg.

      4. Zeb   11 years ago

        They could massively improve the whole show if they just cut off every sketch after 30 seconds or a minute.

        1. Stormy Dragon   11 years ago

          Put out an SNL android app with a thumbs-up, thumbs-down button and make it like the sketch comedy version of The Gong Show. If more than 67 percent of America thumbs down the bit, it immediately gets cut off and the next one starts.

      5. Cytotoxic   11 years ago

        Was SNL ever good?

        1. B.P.   11 years ago

          No. Not ever. There have been a few individual skits that were good.

        2. Zeb   11 years ago

          Even the golden age ones were mostly pretty lame. But I don't think it was really intended to be all good. That's why they are the "not ready for primetime players" or whatever it was. It's supposed to be new comedic talent trying things out and hopefully making a few great things here and there.

    4. Ted S.   11 years ago

      Creative accounting.

    5. Ted S.   11 years ago

      Creative accounting.

    6. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

      Creative accounting.

      1. Dweebston   11 years ago

        Accretive recounting.

      2. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

        And theft. They rip the shit off of people left and right.

        And they throw stuff against the wall.

    7. JEP   11 years ago

      Hollywood doesn't make any sense. How they make money is a goddamn mystery.

      I think half of it is people following along with the laugh tracks - "Oh, he's a comedian, this must be what comedy is, we should laugh at comedy."

      The other half might be that things are so incredibly depressing, anything slightly humorous gets a pass. The US has been at war my entire adult life, the job market is shitty with no signs of recovering, the TEAM RED vs TEAM BLUE thing is becoming more and more tiresome, the country is bickering over the simplest things because the government sticks it's nose where it doesn't belong, etc, etc...

      Every once in a while, we'll go out and buy the latest, slightly differently sized iPhone hoping to feel something, but wears off faster and faster.

      Man, I just made myself depressed...

      1. paranoid android   11 years ago

        Yeah, but to what extent was it any different before? I pretty much agree with your dismal assessment of society but it's a fallacy to assume that life was somehow better/more meaningful/more important before "the present" arrived.

        1. JEP   11 years ago

          Well, the economy hasn't always been terrible. We've been at war for 13 years straight with almost nothing to show for it. There was a little bit of a gap between Desert Storm, Kosovo, and 9/11, and the economy was at least decent in the '90s.

          Leadership might also be a problem. I'm reading a book right now on strategy, and it's talking about how Soviet-union collapsed, the US military strategy has been weak sauce. People elected to office just list a bunch of goals and call it a strategy, when they have no idea how what action will actually lead to those goals. The same thing is happening in business, specifically banking.

          1. perlhaqr   11 years ago

            Yeah, I think I'm a touch older than you (just judging from the way you're talking; I'm 37) and holy shit, I never thought I'd pine for the halcyon days of the Clinton Administration back when I was living through them. :-/

        2. JEP   11 years ago

          And not to just completely nerd out on this topic, but Peter Thiel gave a great speech at SXSW about different ways of seeing the future: deterministic vs. indeterministic and optomistic vs. pessimistic.

          Currently, most people regard the future as indeterministic. They can't see clearly where markets or industries are heading. That's Thiel's explanation of why companies like Google, Microsoft, and Apple are each sitting on top of tens of billions of dollars - they just don't know what to do with it because they can't predict far enough ahead.

          That's partially caused by government intervention in the economy. When government regulation and policy aren't predictable, it's difficult to make long term financial decisions.

          You could probably say that the consequences of the "post-modern condition" are finally hitting the fan. If modernism was "the age of manifestos" with everyone saying "Let's do it my way...", then post modernism is the age of everyone saying "I have no clue what's going on anymore." It's the age of facades, empty suits, platitudes, and positive thinking.

          I might just be talking out of my ass, but there you go...

          1. robc   11 years ago

            They could try paying dividends. I know, crazy thought.

      2. Cytotoxic   11 years ago

        Was it really better in the '90s? I think that's when things went downhill in some parts of culture. TV got a whole lot better in recent years.

    8. AuH20   11 years ago

      What this thread has taught me: Hollywood making money has NOTHING to do with accounting.

      1. Almanian!   11 years ago

        Creative accounting

      2. thom   11 years ago

        Accounting is fine, but at the end of the day the business has to be generating actual positive cash flow. Otherwise it's not going to last.

    9. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

      My wife saw Fallon's show live. No interaction with his audience. Very limited appeal.

    10. Bobarian (dinosaur hunter)   11 years ago

      blind squirrel finds an accord

      Are they into Hondas?

      1. Stormy Dragon   11 years ago

        +1 Toonces

    11. Corning   11 years ago

      You are all wrong.

      SNL has always sucked and been unfunny.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FomyFUxx2fU

      1. OldMexican   11 years ago

        Oh, God! Whew! Good! I thought I was the only one who considered SNL was boring and unfunny!

      2. Cytotoxic   11 years ago

        This is where I'm leaning to.

      3. Gluesponge   11 years ago

        That's why you only watch clips on Youtube and/or "best of" DVDs you can get for $1 in the junk bin of your local Wal-Mart/Sam's Club/Costco...

        Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute
        The Bass-o-Matic (admittedly, I thought that was funnier when I was younger)
        Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood
        Samurai (insert business here)
        Billy Goat Tavern
        ..and so on. 🙂

        Of course, NOTHING was as funny as SCTV's "Dr. Tongue's 3-D House of Stewardesses"!!!

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SJY6w0HD50

        1. Entropy Void   11 years ago

          CCCP-TV

          "Uzbeks drank my battery acid!"

  20. Atanarjuat   11 years ago

    Let's collect all the MRAPs and assault rifles and whatnot that our cops don't need and hand them over to the Kurds, then permanently withdraw the US military from Iraq. Then the weapons can actually be used to fight terror.

    1. A Frayed Knot   11 years ago

      Agreed. Let's back the Kurds to the hilt so that ISIS doesn't fuck with them, and then let ISIS fight it out with Iran, Hizbollah, and Assad.

      I'll bring out the popcorn.

      1. Cytotoxic   11 years ago

        We should at least be allowing Kurdistan to sell oil to America. The USG is not only not allowing them to but pressuring people to not buy Kurdistan's oil. People should be defenestrated over this.

        1. Zeb   11 years ago

          Yeah, that is just fucked. The only part of Iraq that has a chance of being functional anytime soon and the US does everything to keep that from happening.

    2. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

      That's old school, man. Proxy conflict. Why be there at all? Here, have some weapons. At least the Kurds seem sane.

    3. perlhaqr   11 years ago

      I really like this plan.

  21. Longtorso, Johnny   11 years ago

    Islamic State is really, really bad, says Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel. And airstrikes don't seem to be up to the job of stopping the group. So you might want to get ready for Gulf War 3.

    I thought they were supposed to be the JV.

    1. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

      Sure, they're junior varsity--no Kobe Bryants, that's for sure--but they have a amazingly bad attitude.

  22. jesse.in.mb   11 years ago

    As someone who doesn't do basic pullups I find this really impressive.

    1. Warty   11 years ago

      Percentage of those guys who have been to prison? I'll say at least 50.

    2. Stickler Meeseeks   11 years ago

      Fucking epic! I can do 8 sets of 12 reps, and I thought I was pretty impressive. This is amazing.

    3. Fist of Etiquette   11 years ago

      I was pulling for the guy in jorts.

      1. Corning   11 years ago

        It is a trap they all have jorts!!

  23. Stickler Meeseeks   11 years ago

    The Washington Post is reporting that Wilson did, in fact, suffer
    a fractured eye socket, lending support to earlier reports and contradicting the claim of CNN's Don Lemon.

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/.....ml?hpid=z1

    "[A] family friend of the officer who fatally shot Brown came forward to offer a version of the incident with new details, saying that the officer suffered a fracture to his eye socket in a scuffle with the unarmed teenager before opening fire. Hospital X-rays of the injury have been taken and will be shared with a grand jury that is weighing evidence to determine whether Officer Darren Wilson should be charged in the shooting...."

    1. PD Scott   11 years ago

      "Darren, I've got some bad news for you. The only way we can get this to hang together... is for someone to fracture your eye socket. It's for everyone's good. I'll try not to take your eye."

      1. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

        That's Derwood, isn't it?

    2. Corning   11 years ago

      Amusing that CNN thinks the precise amount of damage done to Wilson's face is important AND gets it wrong.

  24. Bean Counter   11 years ago

    "Pistols at 20 paces, folks."
    It's Texas - make that Bowie knives.

    1. Almanian!   11 years ago

      It's Texas - make it pickup trucks

  25. Gilbert Martin   11 years ago

    "Islamic State is really, really bad, says Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel. And airstrikes don't seem to be up to the job of stopping the group. So you might want to get ready for Gulf War 3."

    Well that all depends on the type of airstrike.

    A few 25 megaton H bombs would probably do the trick.

    1. JEP   11 years ago

      You'd think the secretary of defense would have a checklists entitled "Alternatives to a Ground War" because boots on the ground should be the absolute last resort outside of nuclear weapons.

      "Well, bombs aren't killing enough of them. Guess we're invading..."

      1. Gilbert Martin   11 years ago

        "because boots on the ground should be the absolute last resort outside of nuclear weapons."

        Well then there is always thermobaric weapons, napalm, white phosphorus weapons and nerve gas.

  26. Libertarian   11 years ago

    But Ann Coulter says in her current column:

    This week, we SAW the X-ray of Officer Wilson's fractured eye socket.

    1. PapayaSF   11 years ago

      Oops.

  27. OldMexican   11 years ago

    There's more reason to dislike Obamacare's much-maligned medical device tax. The IRS can't figure out who is supposed to pay, and collections are running well behind expectations.

    "Let's just stick people up on the streets at gunpoint and be done with it. Oh, and delete this e-mail, please!"

  28. OldMexican   11 years ago

    With the continent's economy staggering along, financial markets expect a new round of stimulus from the European Central Bank. Anybody have some Bitcoin lying around?

    I have some gold and silver. Oh, and some cacao beans.

  29. userve32   11 years ago

    I say we hang em high dude, Hang em high.

    http://www.AnonCrypt.tk

  30. HazelMeade   11 years ago

    Miller? I thought his name was Wilson....

  31. Reverendcaptain   11 years ago

    "...Ferguson cop Darren Miller may not have been badly injured in a tussle with Michael Brown at all. "

    so we've gone from "He was shot in the back with his hands up." in which a rabid killer cop executed a kid for jaywalking to "Well, there was a physical confrontation and he was facing the officer but the injuries to the cop weren't so bad." Oh, so now we're going to be dismissive of the cop's injuries because supposedly they weren't that bad?

    Do you see the bullshit in the ever changing narrative?

    Here's a suggestion. Why not hold back with the grand pronouncements about events like this until you can make an informed report? Otherwise you end up twisting yourselves in knots trying to maintain the narrative that's so important to you.

    What we do know now is that the event wasn't what we were told (by Reason) and was instead something that makes a lot more sense when you have time to think about it.

    The rest of the media hordes are happy to make jackasses out of themselves in the race to pump ratings (yay, CNN beat Fox!) but it would be nice if there were just a few in the news business that only reported the real news. Reason has failed its audience.

    1. califernian   11 years ago

      Unarmed person dead at cops hands. End of story. That should never ever happen under any circumstances.

      1. Stormy Dragon   11 years ago

        And even if the initial shooting was justified, there's still the overreaction to the subsequent protests.

        1. Reverendcaptain   11 years ago

          The problem is that Reason and others have chosen sides in this story, sides that they've decided they must not cross or mix up. So in their reporting it appears that in order to attack a poor response to the protests, they have to also blame the cop for the initial encounter. That's the kind of simplistic analysis that makes Reason a 10th tier source for this story.

      2. Acosmist   11 years ago

        You're a moron.

      3. Reverendcaptain   11 years ago

        By that logic, any private citizen should be prosecuted if they shoot an unarmed intruder. Is that where we are headed?

    2. Zeb   11 years ago

      Maybe they should have been a bit more circumspect in reporting some things. But for a blog I don't think it is terrible to note and comment on what is currently in the news.

  32. SusanM   11 years ago

    OT: A little something on speech

    http://thinkprogress.org/econo.....iolet-ads/

  33. Sevo   11 years ago

    Or found a new BF.

  34. Rufus J. Firefly   11 years ago

    "Oooops!"

    /Pinky to lips.

  35. Ted S.   11 years ago

    Considering the demographic gender imbalance in the PRC, you'd think it would be easy to find a better boyfriend.

  36. Sevo   11 years ago

    You'd think there's a mass of guys on her (whatever) page right now waving Yuan in her face.

  37. Apatheist ?_??   11 years ago

    Weibo.

  38. Ted S.   11 years ago

    For some reason you gave me this image of Johnny Manziel waving a stack of bills on her Weibo blog.

  39. shamalam   11 years ago

    I think they wave uWang in her face. Much more effective.

  40. cavalier973   11 years ago

    The Iraqi People's Front?

  41. Carl ?s his ? for ?s   11 years ago

    Actually, I have read that people have been abandoning Weibo for WeChat.

  42. Carl ?s his ? for ?s   11 years ago

    Oh, and technically, "weibo" is a generic term ("microblog"). There's Sina Weibo, NeatEase Weibo, Tencent Weibo, and so on.

    That said, weibo.com is Sina Weibo, and when you hear someone refer to Weibo, they're usually talking about Sina Weibo.

  43. Carl ?s his ? for ?s   11 years ago

    "NetEase", not "NeatEase". Damn lack of edit button.

  44. Pro Libertate   11 years ago

    Hmmmmmm. The Popular Front of Mesopotamia?

  45. Sevo   11 years ago

    Naah.
    That's his middle finger.

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