Third Time the Charm in Iraq?, Ferguson Cop May Not Have Been Badly Injured After All, More Fun in Ukraine: P.M. Links

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  • Chuck Hagel
    Department of Defense

    Islamic State is really, really bad, says Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel. And airstrikes don't seem to be up to the job of stopping the group. So you might want to get ready for Gulf War 3.

  • Despite sketchy reports of an eye injury, Ferguson cop Darren Miller may not have been badly injured in a tussle with Michael Brown at all. Hospital reports apparently mention nothing worse than a little swelling.
  • There's more reason to dislike Obamacare's much-maligned medical device tax. The IRS can't figure out who is supposed to pay, and collections are running well behind expectations.
  • Mykola Zelenec, an honorary consul for Lithuania in Ukraine, was reported by his country to have been murdered by Russian-backed separatists. And the U.S., EU, and NATO are really ticked over Russia's casual attitude toward the international border. So, hang on tight…
  • Texas Governor Rick Perry slapped back at Travis County DA Rosemary Lehmberg, who pursued an indictment against him after he threatened to veto her budget. "Thank God they stopped her before she killed someone," he said of Lehmberg, who was convicted of drunk driving. Pistols at 20 paces, folks. We'll buy tickets.
  • With the continent's economy staggering along, financial markets expect a new round of stimulus from the European Central Bank. Anybody have some Bitcoin lying around?

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  1. …Ferguson cop Darren Miller may not have been badly injured in a tussle with Michael Brown at all.

    I’ll wait to pass judgment until all the facts are revealed through a TV movie.

    1. Hello.

      “Montreal’s police earned a reputation during student protests in 2012 as a force willing to resort to tear gas, pepper spray and some muscled arrests to rein in rowdy demonstrators.

      On Monday, they gained a different sort of image ? that of a force prepared to look the other way when mayhem and vandalism are being caused by fellow city employees.”

      All over a pension fight with the government. They have vandalized government property by plastering stickers on their cars too.

      http://bit.ly/VLKitX

      1. Set em all adrift on an iceberg and let em eat each other. When they get down to the last survivor, nuke the iceberg.

    2. Staring Samuel L. Jackson as Michael Brown and Rob Lowe as officer Miller.

      1. I think Kenan Thompson is better suited for the role of Michael Brown.

      2. Who plays WoJo?

        1. Abe Vigoda?

          1. Isn’t he sleeping with the fishes by now?

            1. ISWYDT

      3. I’mma wait for the Spike Lee version, starring Kane Hodder as the white devil police officer and Michael Clark Duncan’s corpse as Michael Brown’s corpse.

      4. Jackson is getting a bit old.

    3. Ferguson cop Darren Miller may not have been badly injured in a tussle with Michael Brown at all.

      im really not sure what that has to do with anything.

      1. Team Pro Miller was using it to indicate that the poor cop was fighting for his life when he was forced to draw his weapon and put down the perp. The lack of serious injury calls that version of events into question.

        1. Shocker that an anonymous “source” from a fuck-up police department that keeps filtering out false and heavily edited documents in their press conferences while being the opposite of transparent and open, would *lie* to make one of their brother officer’s actions look less guilty.

          Next you’ll be telling me that the officer’s friends calling into the radio station were lying about Michael Brown attacking the officer because they have no idea what happened and pay absolutely no penalty for poisoning public opinion against Brown with false claims since they aren’t making official statements.

        2. Just getting punched is enough. The store clerk had every much the right to shoot the punk as the cop did.

          1. What makes you think the cop had a right to shoot Brown? The details on the incident were redacted from the official report, the police chief admitted that the robbery had nothing to do with the cop stopping Brown, the police keep changing their story and have provided no evidence that the officer was seriously assaulted, the eyewitnesses all say it was an unjustified shooting, and the physical evidence doesn’t contradict the witnesses’ claims that he was shot from a distance.

            Seems to me that an actual anarchist would be far more skeptical of the police when it comes to people getting shot by cops.

      2. Well it proves that the fellow officer who gave him the alibi punch hits like a girl.

    4. I’ll wait to pass judgment until all the facts are revealed through a TV movie.

      Vinnie Jones as Officer Wilson (provided he can lose his Cockney accent and affect a Missouri drawl)

      Jaden Smith as the sweet chreub Michael Brown

      Chris Tucker as Dorian Johnson, Brown’s supposed accomplice in the supposed robbery (this part will definitely need to be written as a comic foil)

      James Earl Jones as Missouri State Highway Patrol Captain Ron Johnson

      James Woods as Missouri Governor Jay Nixon

      Mickey Rourke as Ferguson Chief of Police Thomas Jackson

      Josh Brolin as Ferguson mayor James Knowles

      1. Switch out Jaden Smith with Anthony Anderson and together with Tucker you have the potential for a zany duo comedy.

        1. Switch out Jaden Smith with Anthony Anderson and together with Tucker you have the potential for a zany duo comedy.

          Your casting choice is inspired, to be sure, but with Smith, you’d get the sort of fresh-faced innocence that I think the part demands.

    5. By the time Hollywood gets through with it, it’ll star Beyonc? as Mike Brown.

      1. Why should men get all the victim roles?

    6. With Mediaite and CNN as the sources, this must be an open and shut case. The movie sounds more NBC than Oxygen.

  2. Mykola Zelenec, an honorary consul for Lithuania in Ukraine, was reported by his country to have been murdered by Russian-backed separatists.

    I suppose any press is good press, right?

  3. The IRS can’t figure out who is supposed to pay, and collections are running well behind expectations.

    Suddenly they’re above double taxation?

    1. Good point.

      And why do they want to deny people the thrill of receiving refunds?

    2. The solution is obvious. Confiscate all wealth a d figure out to whom a refund is due later.

  4. So you might want to get ready for Gulf War 3.

    If we get to invade Syria, you might want to get ready for *World* War 3. 8-(

    1. But will it be in 3D?

    2. No. No World War shit until I turn 26. After that, bombs away.

      1. Why, because you’ll no longer be on your parents’ health insurance?

        1. I’M FORCED TO BUY UNIVERSITY INSURANCE. I just don’t want to be conscripted into Uncle Sam’s legions.

          1. WWIII breaks out I bet that age cap goes up.

            1. WWIII breaks out and they raise it up to my age some selective service agents are going to die.

              1. “I don’t think you’ve really thought through how stupid of you it would be to attempt to enslave me and then then give me a rifle.”

                1. Or heavy machine gun.

            2. ^This. My grandfather was drafted at 40 in WWII.

        2. Something something selective service.

          1. Draft dodgers sent to Oakland as punishment.

            1. Punishment averted.

      2. I passed 26 long ago. Screw you.

        1. The young and old will fight together. (You’re the old)

          1. I’m old, but I’m like Clint Eastwood in Heartbreak Ridge old.

  5. Anybody have some Bitcoin lying around?

    I stuff mine under my air mattress.

    1. Nice.

  6. “Thank God they stopped her before she killed someone,” he said of Lehmberg…

    That video makes me wonder how she survived this long politically.

    1. You ever doubted the tenacity of a scummy political party wanting to preserve an influential seat?

      1. You ever doubted the tenacity of a scummy political party wanting to preserve an influential seat?

        It’s Travis county, the seat of the state government and of the blue-est part of Austin. Lehmberg ran unopposed in the last general election, and won the primary by a 3-1 margin.

        But then she got caught.

        It’ll be a different Democrat in this seat after the next election.

    2. She’s a she, and with political views the media likes.

      1. How dare you force your patriarchal views of gender on this manwoman!

      2. Lehmberg is also lesbian, so she’s actually a twofer with political views that align with the media.

    3. Pistols at 20 paces, folks. We’ll buy tickets.

      Tickets? I’ll pay for the fucking ammo!

  7. What I do like about ISIS–actually, it’s the only thing I like–is how their name changes on a daily basis. I suggest they pick a cool one tomorrow, like Fremen.

    1. Insha’Allah Muad’Dib!

        1. Yes, they had the right idea.

          Bene Gesserit!

            1. That would be great. They could grant interviews with major media outlets and simply respond to every single question, “Hodor.”

              1. MATT DAMON!!

                Even better, I think

                1. With frequent name changes, all names are possible.

                  Christians for Mohammed!

      1. Mo’ Money, Mo’ Power, Mo’Hammad

        1. Winner.

    2. Interesting to mention the Fremen. Everyone thinks Fremen are awesome. But if you actually met them, would you think much more of them than ISIS/ISIL/TIS?

      1. Would the smoke some spice with me?

      2. I’d probably take the Fremen over the Harkonnen or the Padishah Emperor, at least their messiah has some street cred with the literal ‘Hand of God’ thing. Leto and the Golden Path is a lot more complex though.

      3. I’m a big fan of hallucinogens and orgies, so yeah, I think I’d like them.

        1. If they didn’t just kill you for your water.

      4. The Fremen were the most lame and least plausible part of Dune, including the Sandworms and the Navigators.

        1. This is why nobody likes you.

          1. No, there are other reasons too.

    3. -is how their name changes on a daily basis.

      I’m pretty sure that’s the dumb fuck western media doing that. Not the psychopaths from sha’ab

    4. Actually, their name technically hasn’t changed, only the way people translate it. It’s always been ????, pronounced daa’sh, which is an acronym meaning The Islamic State of Iraq and Al-Sham.

      But the letter “sh”, which is spoken Al-Sham(pronounced “Ash-Shaam”)can also be tranlated into “the Levant”. Actually, Hamas and Fatah (PLO)are also acronyms, and if the western media insisted on translating the words they’d have the same issue, that is various possible ways of translating it. Fortunately for Fatah, they provided the world with the translation, The Palestinian Liberation Organization, although the literal translation is quite a bit different.

  8. Enjoying our national conversation about police militarization? Well, progressives are intent on destroying it, because libertarians exist.

    Did you know that libertarians want users of the criminal justice system to pay for…using a system that criminalizes a bunch of shit we don’t think should be illegal?

    Having people who “use” the criminal justice system pay for it strikes me as pretty close to the libertarian vision of how taxes should function. …

    This is yet another way in which the growth of market society is wedded to the growth of a carceral state. But thinking through this issue can lead you to interesting places. If you think that this offender-funded system is unfair because the poor don’t have the ability to pay for it, you are basically 90% of the way to an argument for progressive taxation. And if you think private parties using coercive power invites abuse, abuses that should be checked by basic mechanisms of democratic accountability, you are also pretty close to an argument for the modern, professionalized, administrative state. Welcome to the team.

    1. That was so bad it gave me cancer. And the “welcome to the team” bit at the end is some nice icing on the smugcake. The libertarians in these peoples’ heads are assholes.

      1. The libertarians in these peoples’ heads are assholes.

        So are the ones in my head, but for completely different reasons (drink)!

        1. Just because I put the voice of Edwin Starr in your head the other day doesn’t make me an asshole!

        2. I’m liking the (dh) bit.

      2. We are assholes though, aren’t we?

        That doesn’t change anything about the stupidity of the above argument.

    2. There seems no sophistry lefties won’t use to demonize what totally confuses them.

      1. I waded into the comments.

        Reminiscent of a bee 39 minutes ago
        Libertarians also reject campaign finance reform (they support the repeal of basically all campaign finance legislation, effectively putting the country’s representatives on the market. Essentially legalizing the actions of Rod Blagojevich). Randy Paul is basically best buds with David Bossie of Citizen’s United fame (that is, when Paul’s not hanging out with the racist Southern Avenger or Aqua Buddha).
        FlagShare

        I quickly waded out.

        1. Do they even know what Blago did? Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

        2. I don’t recall libertarians advocating bribery. There’s a world of difference between personally handing money to someone and supporting his campaign. Sure, shenanigans can abound, but that’s an entirely separate issue. . .and shenanigans are actionable, even though no one wants to hold any politician accountable anymore.

        3. …”Essentially legalizing the actions of Rod Blagojevich”…

          Which is hilarious. Blago did nothing other than what that hag Pelosi does every damn day, but he was dumb enough to say so.
          The lesson he didn’t learn is to keep his pay shut.

          1. Sevo, how would you like to be the next Senator from Illinois?

          2. Eh, I don’t think so. It’s one thing to reward donors with appointments. It’s another to say “What am I bid for this Senate seat?” It’s the difference between a woman sleeping with after you took her out three times, and her saying: “I’ll sleep with you for three dinners.”

            1. Yeah, sorta like that.

            2. Ya but he didn’t use the word “bid”. What he said, at least what I heard, was perfectly compatible with just wanting to get political juice out of it.

        4. I guess Libertarians had to get something right eventually. Fact is, when 99% of everything is say is indefensibly stupid, you can’t blame people when they stop paying attention to you. Oh, and the fact that progressives have been arguing against a militarized police since….forever.

          1. BWA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

            These are the same people that fantasize about gun owners being massacred by government machine guns!

            1. “forever” in this person’s mind stretches all the way back to last week.

              So it’s true from his viewpoint.

          2. And places run by liberals (New York, Philadelphia, Los Angeles, Boston), no way are the police militarized there. No sir.

      2. Warty beat you by 2 minutes. Warty.

        Thats gotta suck for you.

        1. Time travel. Duh. Don’t you read SF’s…writings?

          1. Don’t you read SF’s…writings?

            Hell no!

      3. This is why Nicole is the worst.

      4. That was so stupid it made my teeth hurt.

    3. See, the problem is, we define “private parties using coercive power invites abuse” VERY DIFFERENTLY than progs do.

      We don’t, for example, think that marketing a product, or a political candidate, and spending a ton of money on that, in any way “coerces” people to buy that product or support that politician.

      We don’t think that McDonalds putting toys in happy meals is coercive.

      We think that someone robbing you at gunpoint IS coercive, even if you are a college-bound poor person of a non-white skin color. We think that smashing a store window and taking a TV is coercive, even if there are legitimate issues to protest and riot about.

      God, I fucking HATE progs.

      1. Freedom from freedom is what they truly crave.

        1. Freedom allows people to make choices that progs disagree with.

          But this awful. Progs always make the best choice, and because it is the best choice for them, it is the best choice for everybody. Everybody should eat organic kale salad at a brunch place for 40 bucks instead of an Egg McMuffin. No one should own a gun.

          The only reason that people would make choices progs disagree with is because they have been tricked or lied to. They can’t be individually responsible, because they are poor/black/gay/insert oppressed group here, and they lack privilege (ie Progs white guilt won’t allow it).

          The other reason that people disagree with progs is they are KOCHTOPUS TEATHUGLICANS!

          Either way, they disagree with progs, and are making the wrong choices for themselves without knowing it. So by bringing the state into it, the progs are doing everyone a favor by forcing them to make the exact same choice as a prog and the choice they WOULD make if they were as enlightened as your average American progressive.

  9. The IRS can’t figure out who is supposed to pay

    Oooo, I know this one. Conservative groups?

  10. So you might want to get ready for Gulf War 3.

    I’m holding out for Gulf War Z.

    1. Meh. It’ll be overhyped and then the movie will be absolutely terrible.

  11. Libertarians should support gun control

    But we don’t, of course. Because we’re really Nazis or something.

    1. I love how the Weigel piece I linked above actually does address this particular retardation.

  12. TSA admits that illegal aliens were being allowed to board planes using Notice to Appear forms they received after entering the U.S. illegally. The revelation directly contradicts a TSA statement last month.

    Notice to Appear forms can “easily be reproduced or manipulated on any home computer. The Notice to Appear form has no photo, anyone can make one and manipulate one. They do not have any security features, no watermark, nothing. They are simply printed on standard copy paper based on the information the illegal alien says is the truth.”

    TSA’s a big organization. It takes a while to get the story straight.

    And it would seem a variant of that form could serve as poor/minority voter ID.

    1. Check my papers — says here I’m allowed to board.

    2. Based on the article it appears that these “illegal aliens” were still screened for contraband that could have created a security risk? If so, I don’t see what the actual problem is.

      1. The problem to me is that people aren’t allowed freedom of movement anymore without a government provided license (e.g. a drivers license or passport).

      2. So a citizen has to show ID, but but be an unknown person from who knows where and walk across the border and you don’t have to?

    3. So the fuck what? If it’s not an international flight, I’ve never understood the need to positively identify airline passengers.

      1. Even if it is an international flight, it’s between the individual and the country they’re flying to as to whether their identity matters.

        1. Yes, that is true. But I could the airlines probably have good reason to make sure that people flying do have the proper documents for the destination country.

          1. Agreed. The airline actually has a financial stake in making sure the person will be admitted, which is why airlines independently check your passport before they’ll issue you a boarding pass.

            1. Why? Are airlines required to fly the person, free, back where they came from if not admitted?

              1. Yes, if you don’t have the money for a fare the airline is obliged to backhaul you at their expense.

  13. What is the difference between this–

    The reporter, Hollie McKay, cited a “source close to the [police] department’s top brass” as providing that information to the network.

    and this–

    Lemon cited a “source close to the investigation” who told CNN that Wilson’s x-rays came back negative for a fractured eye socket.

    that has so many of you so fired up to keep repeating something that simply puts one rumor next to another?

  14. The Grantland “Best SNL cast member” bracket might be the worst thing of all time

    Yes, worse than Nicole.

    Seriously, Kristen Wiig as a 1 seed? Off the top of my head, better choices include Molly Shannon, Gilda Radner, and Amy Poehler.

    Also, Andy Samberg as a 2 seed? A 2 SEED? He’s a better seed than Bill Murray!

    Seriously, I read that site sometimes for Simmons (who can be fun), Barnwell, Lowe, and Jonah Keri, but this week for some reason they are kissing Lorene Michaels ass and doing this dumbass bracket.

    1. Your lawn is looking pretty torn up.

    2. That really is worse than me.

    3. Simmons is fine if you’re from Boston.

      Other than that.

      Meh.

      1. I like his NBA ideas. I single-elimination tourney for the final playoff spot would be fantastic.

    4. Cheri Oteri over Ana Gasteyer? Jimmy “I promise to get through this sketch without laughing” Fallon over Rachel Dratch?

      1. It has this weird, inexplicable bias towards SNL in the last 14 years, which other than a few points has largely sucked.

        Tina Fey was a good head writer when she had the right cast and could lean on Ferrel as Bush. She was not when she had Fallon and Horatio Sanz and Maya Rudolph as her “best” cast members.

        Seth Myers is a legitimately bad comedic writer, as anyone who has tried to watch “The Awesomes” can tell you.

        And, let’s face it, SNL has been utterly gutless during the Obama administration. They apparently lack the balls or the desire to go after a black, liberal democrat and find a funny angle on it… but that is pretty much pissing on what made SNL great for so long; SNL has always had the ability and willingness to skewer current events and especially politicians (even Democrats like Clinton and Carter) until now.

        1. MADTV took this mantle from them, and they never took it back.

        2. Key and Peale have done some funny Obama sketches.

          1. Key and Peale have done some funny Obama sketches.

            In which they kiss his ass.

      2. Rachel Dratch trying to get trough Debbie Downer sketches without laughing were the best. She’s funny as hell.

      3. Dratch was funny but I think Fallon had a larger ‘body of work’ and he is funny even though he laughs through his bits. Then again, so did Sandler, Farley, Sanz and Spade.

    5. They broke it down by decade, so Sandberg is only going against other lightweights from the past 10 years. Rander is stuck competing against all the other greats from the 70’s and 80’s. Clearly whoever makes it out of that bracket will dominate the “final four”. Only Tina Fey and Will Farrel could even stand a chance against anyone from the 70’s and 80’s.

      1. I hadn’t noticed that. It does explain it somewhat… but SNL over the last 10-14 years has sucked.

        Those guys should have to do a play-in game to get into the bracket.

      2. My god, this is the 40th season of SNL, isn’t it?

        And no Don Pardo, who should win the bracket hands down.

        1. SNL started in ’75, didn’t it? So next year?

          1. 75 was the first season; this is the 40th season.

            Next year is the 40th anniversary, at the start of the 41st season.

      3. Hader was pretty funny.

        1. I loved his crazy old reporter character, Herb Welch, seen here at Occupy Wall Street.

      4. 14 years? More like 20 or even 25 years.

      5. Ferrel is bad.

    6. Well, to be fair, most of the forth bracket seeds wouldn’t qualify for play-in games for the other 3 brackets.

    7. Did anyone from the most short-lived, obscure cast (pre-Sandler) led by Downey jr and Randy Quaid make it?

      Christopher Guest and Bill Murray went on to make the best movies though.

    8. Best SNL cast member == Phil Hartman or GTFO.

      1. I wouldn’t go that far, though I loved Phil Hartman. He was great.

        “I’m just a caveman. Your world frightens and confuses me.”

        1. It’s really easy to be funny when you’re the center of attention in the skit doing your big recurring character. It’s much harder to be funny if you’ve been put in someone else’s skit and have to be the straight man or a supporting character.

          Phil Hartman had great characters of his own, but he’s the best because he was the ultimate “glue guy”, you could throw him into any skit and he made everyone else funnier.

          1. He played the role with SNL that Graham Chapman often did in Python, especially the movies. That’s a serious skill set.

        2. Two words: Colon Blow.

          THE best commercial parody of SNL since the Bass-o-matic. 🙂

          1. I’m fond of Bad Idea Jeans. “I was going to wear protection but then I thought, when am I going to be back in Haiti?”

            1. Not a bad one. Of course there’s always “Oops! I crapped my pants”

    9. Brooklyn 99 is pretty funny.

    1. It’s good they got that hardened criminal off the street.

      1. Also, that story reminds me of when the cops raided some Philly bars and seized their unlicensed beer. I don’t know if the owners ever got it back, but I’m sure it was bad by the time they did.

    2. That, too, is illegal in Pennsylvania, but certainly doesn’t warrant seizing a collection worth $125,000, Kratsa said.

      Sgt. Dan Steele, district commander at the Philadelphia Bureau of Liquor Control Enforcement office that oversaw the investigation, said it does. He said every bottle is contraband because each was offered for sale.

      I don’t think this guy understands. It’s got fuck-all to do with whether the “crime” justifies that kind of “punishment”. It’s all about FYTW, and the police getting to shaft some rich guy for a change.

  15. China tells villagers to fight terror by frowning

    One such drill, in Hailiwafu village near the city of Kashgar, on the ancient Silk Road, saw officials advise locals on six “super weapons” that could be used to repel attackers.

    The mostly conventional list, which was later shared on Wechat, included pitchforks, wooden clubs and spades, all of which officials said could be used to bludgeon assailants into submission.

    However, the officials also urged villagers to launch “mental attacks” on their foes, foiling potential assailants by staring at them menacingly. An accompanying photograph showed villagers eyeing the camera more out of bemusement than malice.

    1. That seems reasonable.

      *stares menacingly at Warty*

      “nooooooo it didn’t work”

    2. No-punch knockouts, huh.

      Project your qi

      1. +2 Joe Nickell

      2. Hilarious. I haven’t done any martial arts in 25 years, but I was into it as a teenager. There’s a lot of nonsense in most martial arts, and that’s a spectacular example.

    3. Try laughing and pointing at the authorities and see what happens.

  16. In other news. We’re totally living in a simulation.

    Cody Littley’s new hard drive can only hold a single kilobyte of data?about one millionth of what you can cram onto those finger-nail-sized microSD cards?and it can’t exactly slide into the back of your smartphone. But it’s still an impressive creation. Littley built it himself, inside the virtual world of Minecraft.

    1. Littley’s endeavor provides a crash course the basic concepts that underpin our computer hardware.

      “Crash course”, eh?

      It’s simulations all the way down.

      1. I actually suspect that this is true. We’re a simulation within a simulation of a simulation. Maybe more.

        1. Or some space-alien kid’s ant farm.

          1. So he’s the one responsible for “Alien Ant Farm” – stupid kid

        2. It’s simulations all the way down!

    2. Well, I’m sure as hell glad whoever designed this one didn’t program in Creepers.

      1. I’m sure as hell glad whoever designed this one didn’t program in Creepers.

        Crazy talk. Exploding zombies would be awesome!

    3. Wait until someone builds a full computer in Minecraft, runs Minecraft on it, and builds a hard drive in that.

      1. *mind BLOWN*

      2. That assumes we’re not in some advanced version of Minecraft already.

        1. jesse! long time no. hope all is well

          1. All good here. How has H&R been?

            1. Bullet-ey.

              1. And unusually thin!

    4. SIMULCEPTION

      *Foghorn*

    5. Best line from the article:

      Previously, Littley built a “factory farm” that automatically collects eggs from chickens?”It turned out more gruesome than I expected,” he says

    6. Computer: End program

  17. Although I have figured out why Lorne Michaels is so powerful: He is in bed, production wise, with all the former SNL people. So if you want a Will Ferrel-Adam McKay movie or sitcom, Michaels will often get involved.

    That’s how Seth Myers (who would be well seeded in the “most punchable face” bracket”) got his late night job.

    What I don’t get is Fallon’s power/popularity. Yes, he gets relatively good ratings for the Late Night Show… but it’s not like Late Night is this huge cultural thing anymore, nor does it get massive ratings (and compared to a decade ago, all broadcast is down). His “Guys with Kids” show was awful, and his smiling at his own jokes is annoying as hell.

    I get the idea with shows like that now, which I think has helped SNL revive a little bit, is that people just watch the clips the next day (this has really helped SNL. Watching an entire episode now is painful- the writers don’t understand skit structure, but watching the next day on Hulu, you can watch the moments where the blind squirrel finds an accord) and Fallon supposedly appeals to Millenials.

    As a Millenial, who does stand up open mics in LA, I don’t think I have EVER had a conversation about Fallon.

    TL;DR: Hollywood doesn’t make any sense. How they make money is a goddamn mystery.

    1. Fallon supposedly appeals to Millenials

      I thought Late Night was for old people.

      1. Ah, but the programmers are trying to get the millennials to watch, because the advertisers think they don’t have their brand loyalty set in stone the way old farts do.

        1. My brand loyalty has nothing to do with advertising. It has to do with making a good product.

          Example: I very well may buy a Dell Laptop soon, because I, personally, have had GREAT interactions with their customer service people. Even though consumer reports tells me that Lenovo is better, when I had one before my dell, I didn’t have great costumer service.

          But it doesn’t have anything to do with either company’s advertising. I have the internet. I can compare products pretty easily.

          1. I’ve always found it interesting how crossover comedians from places like SCTV and even Kids in the Hall never quite settled on SNL.

            1. Well, the other 2 were good shows.

              1. Why didn’t they ever go after any of the Python guys?

                1. Because the Python guys would do edgy stuff that would have NBC execs stroking out.

                  Have you watched “A Liar’s Biography”?

                  The SNL guys are the stepford wives compared to the Pythons

          2. Those aren’t the kind of advertisers who care about your brand loyalty. It’s much, much, much, much, much more important for CPG firms. Procter & Gamble wants to lock you in to Tide. Because for products like that, the brand is really the only differentiator.

            1. Useful point, Nikki.

              But I on those things, then the research the internet allowed me really hurts them. I really don’t care if I’m getting the Costco brand detergent, if its cheaper.

    2. “What I don’t get is Fallon’s power/popularity.”

      I read an interview. he claimed he’d ‘do anything for a laugh!’
      It shows.

    3. SNL hasn’t understood skit structure since the mid 80s. Even back then the last 30 minutes of the show was ultra painful and boring.

      1. SNL needs to be preempted every third week by Weekend With Lloyd Dobyns again.

      2. Every skit is a television show parody. I can’t understand why there is such a lack of originality from what must be a talented group of performers. Also, the skits never have actual endings.

        1. The performers might have some talent but their writers’ stable is old and completely out of ideas, because old timers get to hang on and dominate the writing. They need to purge the writers every few years and get new, fresh ones. And I mean PURGE, not dump two or three.

          1. Get some writers who didn’t go to Harvard, too. Diversity!

          2. And now for something completely different.

      3. Been watching SNL since the early 80s. The last 30 minutes were never strong and never understood why they try and shift and shake things up on the back leg.

      4. They could massively improve the whole show if they just cut off every sketch after 30 seconds or a minute.

        1. Put out an SNL android app with a thumbs-up, thumbs-down button and make it like the sketch comedy version of The Gong Show. If more than 67 percent of America thumbs down the bit, it immediately gets cut off and the next one starts.

      5. Was SNL ever good?

        1. No. Not ever. There have been a few individual skits that were good.

        2. Even the golden age ones were mostly pretty lame. But I don’t think it was really intended to be all good. That’s why they are the “not ready for primetime players” or whatever it was. It’s supposed to be new comedic talent trying things out and hopefully making a few great things here and there.

    4. Creative accounting.

    5. Creative accounting.

      1. Accretive recounting.

      2. And theft. They rip the shit off of people left and right.

        And they throw stuff against the wall.

    6. Hollywood doesn’t make any sense. How they make money is a goddamn mystery.

      I think half of it is people following along with the laugh tracks – “Oh, he’s a comedian, this must be what comedy is, we should laugh at comedy.”

      The other half might be that things are so incredibly depressing, anything slightly humorous gets a pass. The US has been at war my entire adult life, the job market is shitty with no signs of recovering, the TEAM RED vs TEAM BLUE thing is becoming more and more tiresome, the country is bickering over the simplest things because the government sticks it’s nose where it doesn’t belong, etc, etc…

      Every once in a while, we’ll go out and buy the latest, slightly differently sized iPhone hoping to feel something, but wears off faster and faster.

      Man, I just made myself depressed…

      1. Yeah, but to what extent was it any different before? I pretty much agree with your dismal assessment of society but it’s a fallacy to assume that life was somehow better/more meaningful/more important before “the present” arrived.

        1. Well, the economy hasn’t always been terrible. We’ve been at war for 13 years straight with almost nothing to show for it. There was a little bit of a gap between Desert Storm, Kosovo, and 9/11, and the economy was at least decent in the ’90s.

          Leadership might also be a problem. I’m reading a book right now on strategy, and it’s talking about how Soviet-union collapsed, the US military strategy has been weak sauce. People elected to office just list a bunch of goals and call it a strategy, when they have no idea how what action will actually lead to those goals. The same thing is happening in business, specifically banking.

          1. Yeah, I think I’m a touch older than you (just judging from the way you’re talking; I’m 37) and holy shit, I never thought I’d pine for the halcyon days of the Clinton Administration back when I was living through them. :-/

        2. And not to just completely nerd out on this topic, but Peter Thiel gave a great speech at SXSW about different ways of seeing the future: deterministic vs. indeterministic and optomistic vs. pessimistic.

          Currently, most people regard the future as indeterministic. They can’t see clearly where markets or industries are heading. That’s Thiel’s explanation of why companies like Google, Microsoft, and Apple are each sitting on top of tens of billions of dollars – they just don’t know what to do with it because they can’t predict far enough ahead.

          That’s partially caused by government intervention in the economy. When government regulation and policy aren’t predictable, it’s difficult to make long term financial decisions.

          You could probably say that the consequences of the “post-modern condition” are finally hitting the fan. If modernism was “the age of manifestos” with everyone saying “Let’s do it my way…”, then post modernism is the age of everyone saying “I have no clue what’s going on anymore.” It’s the age of facades, empty suits, platitudes, and positive thinking.

          I might just be talking out of my ass, but there you go…

          1. They could try paying dividends. I know, crazy thought.

      2. Was it really better in the ’90s? I think that’s when things went downhill in some parts of culture. TV got a whole lot better in recent years.

    7. What this thread has taught me: Hollywood making money has NOTHING to do with accounting.

      1. Creative accounting

      2. Accounting is fine, but at the end of the day the business has to be generating actual positive cash flow. Otherwise it’s not going to last.

    8. My wife saw Fallon’s show live. No interaction with his audience. Very limited appeal.

    9. blind squirrel finds an accord

      Are they into Hondas?

    10. You are all wrong.

      SNL has always sucked and been unfunny.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FomyFUxx2fU

      1. Oh, God! Whew! Good! I thought I was the only one who considered SNL was boring and unfunny!

      2. This is where I’m leaning to.

      3. That’s why you only watch clips on Youtube and/or “best of” DVDs you can get for $1 in the junk bin of your local Wal-Mart/Sam’s Club/Costco…

        Fred Garvin: Male Prostitute
        The Bass-o-Matic (admittedly, I thought that was funnier when I was younger)
        Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood
        Samurai (insert business here)
        Billy Goat Tavern
        ..and so on. 🙂

        Of course, NOTHING was as funny as SCTV’s “Dr. Tongue’s 3-D House of Stewardesses”!!!

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SJY6w0HD50

        1. CCCP-TV

          “Uzbeks drank my battery acid!”

  18. Let’s collect all the MRAPs and assault rifles and whatnot that our cops don’t need and hand them over to the Kurds, then permanently withdraw the US military from Iraq. Then the weapons can actually be used to fight terror.

    1. Agreed. Let’s back the Kurds to the hilt so that ISIS doesn’t fuck with them, and then let ISIS fight it out with Iran, Hizbollah, and Assad.

      I’ll bring out the popcorn.

      1. We should at least be allowing Kurdistan to sell oil to America. The USG is not only not allowing them to but pressuring people to not buy Kurdistan’s oil. People should be defenestrated over this.

        1. Yeah, that is just fucked. The only part of Iraq that has a chance of being functional anytime soon and the US does everything to keep that from happening.

    2. That’s old school, man. Proxy conflict. Why be there at all? Here, have some weapons. At least the Kurds seem sane.

    3. I really like this plan.

  19. Islamic State is really, really bad, says Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel. And airstrikes don’t seem to be up to the job of stopping the group. So you might want to get ready for Gulf War 3.

    I thought they were supposed to be the JV.

    1. Sure, they’re junior varsity–no Kobe Bryants, that’s for sure–but they have a amazingly bad attitude.

  20. As someone who doesn’t do basic pullups I find this really impressive.

    1. Percentage of those guys who have been to prison? I’ll say at least 50.

    2. Fucking epic! I can do 8 sets of 12 reps, and I thought I was pretty impressive. This is amazing.

    3. I was pulling for the guy in jorts.

      1. It is a trap they all have jorts!!

  21. The Washington Post is reporting that Wilson did, in fact, suffer
    a fractured eye socket, lending support to earlier reports and contradicting the claim of CNN’s Don Lemon.

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/…..ml?hpid=z1

    “[A] family friend of the officer who fatally shot Brown came forward to offer a version of the incident with new details, saying that the officer suffered a fracture to his eye socket in a scuffle with the unarmed teenager before opening fire. Hospital X-rays of the injury have been taken and will be shared with a grand jury that is weighing evidence to determine whether Officer Darren Wilson should be charged in the shooting….”

    1. “Darren, I’ve got some bad news for you. The only way we can get this to hang together… is for someone to fracture your eye socket. It’s for everyone’s good. I’ll try not to take your eye.”

      1. That’s Derwood, isn’t it?

    2. Amusing that CNN thinks the precise amount of damage done to Wilson’s face is important AND gets it wrong.

  22. “Pistols at 20 paces, folks.”
    It’s Texas – make that Bowie knives.

    1. It’s Texas – make it pickup trucks

  23. “Islamic State is really, really bad, says Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel. And airstrikes don’t seem to be up to the job of stopping the group. So you might want to get ready for Gulf War 3.”

    Well that all depends on the type of airstrike.

    A few 25 megaton H bombs would probably do the trick.

    1. You’d think the secretary of defense would have a checklists entitled “Alternatives to a Ground War” because boots on the ground should be the absolute last resort outside of nuclear weapons.

      “Well, bombs aren’t killing enough of them. Guess we’re invading…”

      1. “because boots on the ground should be the absolute last resort outside of nuclear weapons.”

        Well then there is always thermobaric weapons, napalm, white phosphorus weapons and nerve gas.

  24. But Ann Coulter says in her current column:

    This week, we SAW the X-ray of Officer Wilson’s fractured eye socket.

  25. There’s more reason to dislike Obamacare’s much-maligned medical device tax. The IRS can’t figure out who is supposed to pay, and collections are running well behind expectations.

    “Let’s just stick people up on the streets at gunpoint and be done with it. Oh, and delete this e-mail, please!”

  26. With the continent’s economy staggering along, financial markets expect a new round of stimulus from the European Central Bank. Anybody have some Bitcoin lying around?

    I have some gold and silver. Oh, and some cacao beans.

  27. I say we hang em high dude, Hang em high.

    http://www.AnonCrypt.tk

  28. Miller? I thought his name was Wilson….

  29. “…Ferguson cop Darren Miller may not have been badly injured in a tussle with Michael Brown at all. ”

    so we’ve gone from “He was shot in the back with his hands up.” in which a rabid killer cop executed a kid for jaywalking to “Well, there was a physical confrontation and he was facing the officer but the injuries to the cop weren’t so bad.” Oh, so now we’re going to be dismissive of the cop’s injuries because supposedly they weren’t that bad?

    Do you see the bullshit in the ever changing narrative?

    Here’s a suggestion. Why not hold back with the grand pronouncements about events like this until you can make an informed report? Otherwise you end up twisting yourselves in knots trying to maintain the narrative that’s so important to you.

    What we do know now is that the event wasn’t what we were told (by Reason) and was instead something that makes a lot more sense when you have time to think about it.

    The rest of the media hordes are happy to make jackasses out of themselves in the race to pump ratings (yay, CNN beat Fox!) but it would be nice if there were just a few in the news business that only reported the real news. Reason has failed its audience.

    1. Unarmed person dead at cops hands. End of story. That should never ever happen under any circumstances.

      1. And even if the initial shooting was justified, there’s still the overreaction to the subsequent protests.

        1. The problem is that Reason and others have chosen sides in this story, sides that they’ve decided they must not cross or mix up. So in their reporting it appears that in order to attack a poor response to the protests, they have to also blame the cop for the initial encounter. That’s the kind of simplistic analysis that makes Reason a 10th tier source for this story.

      2. You’re a moron.

      3. By that logic, any private citizen should be prosecuted if they shoot an unarmed intruder. Is that where we are headed?

    2. Maybe they should have been a bit more circumspect in reporting some things. But for a blog I don’t think it is terrible to note and comment on what is currently in the news.

  30. OT: A little something on speech

    http://thinkprogress.org/econo…..iolet-ads/

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